Wednesday, January 25, 2017

Dear Mother Nature...

... what have we done to offend you here in PA?
We're just going along, minding our own collective business and can't help but notice we're getting it up the wazoo again. It's more cold, gray, and rainy than 'normal' here. We're perfectly understanding of cold in the winter, although we have no problem should the temperature go to seventy five. It's just the persistent gloom. It's been gray so long that we're afraid we'll go blind, should the sun ever make even a partial appearance through the omnipresent clouds. The plants may also scorch, even in fifty degree weather. If it keeps raining, we may again receive reports of that old dude building a boat and putting animals on it.  Just the other day London called... they want their weather back.

Would you like a small sacrifice of some sort?  We could set fire to some politicians or people on commercials... we appreciate anything you can do to help.

  • Taken from a newspaper clipping: "..who asked not to be identified because she has always wanted to be an anonymous source.."  - who says you can't become everything you always wanted?
  • Today's best headline: Home Security Cameras Fall Short on Security.

Remember the Samsung Note Seven's Exploding Fire Battery? Samsung recently finished its testing of a Whole Lotta Units and have come up with the culprit. Surprisingly enough, it's the battery.  Yes, the battery. The battery, that came from one of its suppliers, was of faulty design. According to the US Consumer Product Safety Commission, the supplier was Samsung SDI. See what they did there? Very tricky, Samsung. I wonder if Toyota's Exploding Airbag problem was traced back to Toyota Airbags, Inc.  So after their own batteries done blowed up, they switched to another battery, which also caught fire, allegedly due to an altogether different battery defect. I wonder if other cell phone manufacturers' phones catch fire due to bad batteries. Wait, it appears they don't. That's some frightfully bad luck, eh Samsung?

  • A Harris County, TX police officer has been suspended for having sex with a dog and taking video. Child porn and dog porn were found on his computer and he is now a guest of Harris County. This is wrong from every possible angle but justice will be served when the other Harris County guests learn what he did. They love child molesters.

Bored at work? Nothing of interest ever happen?
A Kaspersky Lab department head was arrested for treason in December. That would sure liven things up a bit.

  • It might have waited a while but 2017 has just claimed Butch Trucks, drummer for the Allman Brothers. RIP Brother.
  • Speaking of which, Mary Tyler Moore is described as being in grave condition, which is a very unfortunate adjective.

In another sad event, echoing a local adult shop turning into a church,'s castle/fortress-The Armory, is being sold. This is due to free online porn content taking the profit out of the product.

That's A Pretty Big Hole, Captain

As you know, it's not likely to be boring at my house for any period of time exceeding ten minutes. Honoring this observation, my wife burst into the bedroom, just as I was falling asleep, with the news that we had a bit of water in the basement. Whenever I hear 'a bit of water', I immediately flash back to a little bit of water a few years back, that turned into eighteen inches of water; thus became our National Nightmare of basement flooding.

Fortunately it was only two inches and wasn't active or spreading. The wife told me she thought it was a hole somewhere and would check tomorrow.  Well, that wasn't bad.. the only question remaining was why it was necessary to stop my path to Dreamland with news that wasn't an emergency at that moment. When the guitar I ordered is out of stock and I can't find out much til the next day, I don't wake her up. When the dog is sick all over the floor, I don't wake her up (I just leave it for when she gets up). Are you seeing my point? There must be some sort of process whereby events do not occur or can't be accessed until she tells me about them, similar to meals and sex not occurring unless posted on Faceyspaces.

Up early the following day, there is immense hand-wringing over what will be at least a thousand dollar repair, if we can successfully locate a plumber and convince him to stop by this year.  I am truly happy I decided on IT as a career, both for my love of IT and the income. When something in my area breaks, I fix it - that simple. When there is a plumbing or electrical problem, the laws of physics do not apply. Sure, anyone can call a plumber, but getting one to actually show up is like getting a clear, sunny day for an outdoor wedding - it ain't gonna happen.

I suggest, between Hysterical Wifely Outbursts, that she call Dad, who's the kinda guy who can fix stuff and make it look comparatively easy. The unspoken rule is that I fix anything related to computers and he fixes House Stuff. In spite of the assertion that he won't be able to fix it, Wife calls him and he immediately gets on his white horse and stops by. One trip to the Home Repair Store and a few minutes later, the hole has ceased to be a hole or a problem. Go Dad! The thousand dollar charge can now be held for the next vet bill. Dad stays for dinner.

I make it all sound seamless, but it wasn't really. The repair itself was no big deal, but getting there was a small struggle. I'm doing some Important Computer Work so I can't be disturbed (nor am I needed). In an effort to not disturb me, they sit on either side of me and start talking across me, occasionally stopping to interrupt what I'm doing. I have a computer screen with the work I'm doing and another with other work I'm doing. Dad wants me to look something up online. The cross-talking intensifies. The tv, which is somehow required to be on during this, starts making very strange electrical interference noises. The work screen is beeping. I can't get into the site for Dad. A four-way text conversation is bonging, demanding my attention. The dog has discovered a pile of important papers that his sense of order will not allow him to leave undisturbed so he's busy spreading them all over the floor. At this point, the wife starts admonishing me from across the room for something or other. Finally I jump up on the sofa, throw my hands into the air, and scream, "OK, I CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE. TOO MUCH INPUT. TRYING TO WORK. NEED TO GO SOMEWHERE QUIET, LIKE AFGHANISTAN." 

Now all that's left is cleanup. Have I mentioned this is a refuse pipe?


  1. Nice post, but the black theme and white font are not pleasing to the eyes.

  2. Thanks for the feedback/compliment.
    The mail goes about 50/50 on the look. Someone pointed out it's free advertising, as it burns into your retina, even after you leave :)