Occasionally I listen.  On these occasions I hear phrases. When these phrases are particularly weird, I write them down to share here. Without further ado:

  • There's a lot of weather out there
  • My mother taught me how to play Dungeons and Dragons
  • They found their houses were not where they left them
  • His unforgettable personality will never be forgotten
  • I love Algebra. I have used Algebra in real life!
  • You steal one car and all of the sudden, you're a car thief.
  • You've got to slide up and down on the hard thing,
  • Let me show you my jetpack.
  • Uh oh, the electric company is here - the power is going to go out.
  • Please bring ant spray.
  • The backdoor front will lead south
  • Let me ring up that Eeyore
  • Life is a senseless moment
  • When I speak about an insider, this guy was inside
  • He's also a hermaphrodite
  • a rousing, barbershop rendition of Rihanna’s “Bitch Better Have My Money.”
  • Why don't the aliens abduct Kim Kardashian and shrink her ass?
  • ..the only arm wrestling movie.
  • I tried to touch you and my skin didn't crawl too badly.
  • The steakhouse was caught serving up horse meat instead of zebra.
  • It's a good thing the dog can smell in the dark.
  • We were craving falafel.
  • ..having backgammon parties
  • I was listening to Luciano Pavoratti today...
  • Bear Chili
  • I like doing laundry
  • When I lived in Arkansas
  • Crispy fried tofu is delicious
  • I'm so thankful I found a slumlord

  • more on the way....

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