Your love is like a disease that exists in animals and humans
Following Hertz, Uber aims for 50,000 Teslas by 2023.
Uber is taking the safer route: their Teslas will only spontaneously combust when passengers are out of the car, leaving possible death and dismemberment to the Uber drivers, which the company doesn't care about already.
I wonder if thefts of Teslas will go down for fear they will explode while being stolen.
Today I identify as a plane pilot who feels really dizzy today
Why is it ok and semi-normal to see two women walk down the street with their arms linked or holding hands? Why can't men do this?
errr... forget I said anything
- I told my dentist that food gets caught in between two teeth. Out of curiosity, how do that fix it?
- "We pull one and make it larger."
- Good info. Nice talk. Thanks.
LIFE-SUCKING COUCH
Gather round, people, while I relate the story of the life-sucking couch.
What is a life-sucking couch, you ask?
Glad you asked.
Let's say you come to visit. Once you get over the initial shock, you manage to make it to the couch. Within 5-10 minutes, all the life is sucked out of you. You're so.. blah... that you can't conceive of getting up, no less actually performing the getting up activity.
We have done the science: if you sit in a chair, you will not blend into it. There is some smaller effect, but it falls off with the square of distance, like the danger of the neighbors hitting me with homegrown tomatoes.
So I guess if there's some high stress or an event that has you wound up, c'mon over. Ask to borrow the couch. Just be very careful about the plastic stuff. If you kick it hard enough, it goes BOOM.
The couch itself is a funny and tragically sad story, like our lives.
When we moved into our house, we hadn't thought about a couch. The parents were getting a new one, so we adopted the old one. Quite frankly, I can't remember how it got from their house to ours. I have a sneaking suspicion that it simply transported itself, so it could suck the life out of everyone at my new house. It's a pullout, so it sleeps 2 (4 if you're having a really good night). Ya know how, if you pull the cushions, you can find all sorts of things, including bodies and new dinosaur types? I don't want to say my mother was a neat freak, but the inside of the sofa was cleaner than my house, a state it maintains to this day. Except for forks, I think.
The sofa itself is now in its old age. We had to prop it up a bit. We don't have any sort of sentimental attachment to it - we just can't pull a new sofa out of our butts. Every year, for the past 10 years, we decided we'd use our tax return money for a new sofa. And every year, something else breaks, requiring all the tax return money, plus more. Last year, we went as far as a furniture warehouse to test out sofas. There were approximately, about, over, near, ohhhh... 150 couches. There was everything from fuzzy white couches to 50s style, to something that had arms that came up and looked like some sort of Intercontinental Ballistic Missile targeting sofa. We here are most concerned about back support. We also hate pillows as a back. So out of 150, I found.... .wait for it... one. The weirdest thing about the sofa was that it wasn't the most expensive in the store. It's probably because I didn't tell them I was left handed, in which case they would have added a 25% upcharge (like the guitar companies).
So we were pretty excited about the couch. And absolutely no emergencies presented themselves to claim the tax refund. This turned out to be fortunate, as there was no return. The IRS had 'questions.' So we missed Biden's giveaways too. And the couch remains in its spot, sucking the life out of anyone who sits on it. During lunch, I have to sit in a different place, or I won't be able to return to work. If you're not careful, it can eat your life and depress you. Can you imagine returning to work after lunch, almost unable to type, with tears in your eyes? Well it's even worse if you sit on the couch.
- Windows XP is 20 years old. Yay.
- people are still using it. Boo.
- people are stupid. Yay.
Unless you are using XP to run specific software, NOT connected to the internet or your network, it might be safe. But the people who make that software really need to get off their asses and make something current. Some police scanner listeners use it because it's very difficult to use or just doesn't work in Win7 or Win10, plus they need lots of serial ports. Software authors do not like linux, so there's virtually nothing for scanners or ham radio.
The Hubble Telescope had to go into Safe Mode. Somebody needs to reboot Windows XP.
What is Eco-friendly sex?
Don't fart?
Ah, lubes, condoms, toys, and sheets that have less impact on the planet.
These folks definitely start at the bottom
How about using the pill, if you're monogamous? It has the added benefit of not allowing you to have children.
It's not that these folks don't have a point, but airplanes, manufacturing, fossil fuel.....
- I'm not going (extra) crazy. I know we bought mayonnaise last night.
- Stupid - it's by the couch.
Ya know, after you become a certain level of rich, you can say or do anything you want.
Joe Walsh never hit this level, but he's a musician, and completely out of his mind.
In spite of his ship sending Captain Kirk up for ten minutes of colon-busting space joy, there are several problems he hasn't addressed:
- where is everybody going to park?
- will there be supply chain difficulties?
- does everybody have to be vaccinated?
- will visitors have to wear a mask under their mask?
- are aliens welcome too?
- will there be a Victoria's Secret?
- will Picard get his chance?
The man who scraped then sold data on 178 million Faceyspaces users gets sued by Faceyspaces.
"If there's anybody stealing and monetizing your data, it's going to use US," said Lord Zuck.
- Amazon is bringing Alexa to hospitals and senior living centers
- because their data is important to steal too, and they're less likely to complain
US surgeons successfully test pig kidney transplant in human patient
So when you call someone a pig, you have a 1/25th chance of being correct.
Patient reports loss of desire for bacon
- I could never be a criminal - I never video myself and put it online
Google discovered a ton of data-stealing apps in its android store.
As an android user, it really pisses me off.
Unfortunately it's 2021 and users of any computing device must take privacy and security upon themselves. Don't download shitty-looking apps. Misspellings, caused by foreign authors. Stick with what you know - this is the safest way to keep your phone well. Turn off Location, which these apps stole. Remember: if it seems to good to be true, it is.
Flying AIDS news
Worried that President Joe Biden's
Covid vaccine mandate for private companies could cause a mass exodus
of employees, business groups are pleading with the White House to delay
the rule until after the holiday season.
Moderna Chairman Noubar Afeyan indicated on Tuesday that his company's COVID-19 shot could require yearly boosters. Shareholders partying like it's 1999,
The news report I just saw on giving your young children the shot said that there were less symptoms than those of the Flying AIDS itself. In other words, stab your kids, because no matter what the vaccine is made of, the virus is worse. That sounds like a great rationale, made by drug company executives.
Continuing Saga of Flying AIDS Stabbing
As you might remember, I couldn't get an appointment with the big box chain, Bosco, to get a mandated shot, and had to take my chances with a walk-in. Their website had everything except scheduling. I went in last night and it went swimmingly. As usual, the employees were very nice, not at all confused, did not have fangs with blood dripping from them, and there was only a short wait. I kept looking around, trying to figure out what the problem was. Maybe they didn't know I was me.
I got to do a little people-watching. There was the guy on his phone who was treating the entire store to his side of the conversation. This guy was a credit to his species, whatever his species was. When he got to the counter, still speaking LOUDLY, he barely stopped long enough to give his name, then apologized to his caller for the interruption. It's safe to assume he had parents at some point, even if they were wolves.
I stopped by the glasses counter and found a frame I liked, sorta. I asked the girl if they had them larger, making the universal sign for BIGGER. She asked me what I meant. I'm sorry, I can't break it down any smaller (or larger).
The guy with the needle gave me the greatest medical advice I've ever received: if you tense up, it will hurt worse going in. Ummm.... the fact that I tense up means I have less control over it than I'd like. He told me to get some Tylenol, because of the flu-like symptoms the lovely unknown vaccine produces. Since we were at Bosco, I picked some up. For $19.99, I can now fill up my bathtub with Tylenol. The effects weren't bad, and I'm still deciding what to do with the additional arm that just grew. There's some potent stuff in that shot: I was in bed before 10pm. Even sleep medicine won't put me in bed before 12.
Still: those of you who voted for Biden need to pay for this.
Take Fauci's lying more seriously
- Hiker got lost in Colorado, ignored rescuer's calls because they came form unknown numbers.
- This is me. Only I'd never hike (except to the fridge).
A grandmother who sprayed neighbors with disinfectant after they coughed in her garden has been convicted of assault.
Who in their right mind would want their plants to get the Flying AIDS?
Eleven lions test positive at the Denver Zoo.
Would you put a mask on them?
- Dear celebrities: you might think it's a good thing to lend your name to a cause.
- meanwhile, no one wants to hear from you
Federal Government Collected Record Taxes in Fiscal 2021
$4,045,979,000,000 in taxes in fiscal 2021
$4,045,979,000,000 in taxes in fiscal 2021
Federal spending also hit a nominal high of $6,818,158,000,000
and it's only going to go through the roof with President Taxit.
This is why I vote libertarian.
In other stupid news, Reno criminalizes possessing whips without a permit.
I wonder if this applies at the brothels, or did they have to get permits....
'Take these m-----f-----s out': Rutgers prof rails against white people while defending CRT
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| new name: Eskimo Pops |
