Guitar Truths

This should pass for Guitar Wisdom.  It probably won't, but it should:

• You may have 12 guitars but you have no spare strings.
• Volume is inversely proportional to talent.
• Slides and string-winders are like socks - roughly half of them disappear.
• A $20 tube will protect a $.25 fuse by blowing first.
• A chord occurs in a song.  A cord is used for strangling the singer.
• Vintage amps do not bounce when the old leather handle breaks.
• If you remembered to bring two guitars, you forgot your strap.
• If a string breaks, it will only do so on a floating trem guitar.
• Where is your backup amp?  Back up at practice.
• The odds of your guitar being in tune when you play is inversely proportional to the time you spent tuning it before the set.
• Never solder in shorts.
• Any tube snob will have pedals with transistors in them.
• Where is your whammy bar?  Anywhere but attached to your guitar.
• If you only brought one pick, you will not be able to hold onto it to save your life.
• Where are those people who really wanted to watch you play?  Everywhere but at the gig.
• Remember that hot chick from last set?  She doesn't remember you.
• You're at a new club.  It is raining so hard that cars are floating away.
• That new tune you learned?  The rest of the band didn't.
• Remember: if you turn up, so will he.
• Never (and I emphasize this) never let the drummer's girlfriend (Yoko) sing `just one song' with the band.