UFOs - Under my Bed!!

• I'm really impressed by people giving back. There are countless stories of people giving back to their college by providing scholarships.
• Now it's my turn: I'm providing 2 scholarships to No College, which I attended immediately after high school.
• British schools have lost over a million dollars because the donor wanted his money to go to people of his own background. Interesting article.

Dear lefty:

• Are you going to pursue schooling this year, like you said?
• I said schoolgirls.

Speaking of UFOs, NIST, the National Institute of Standards and Technology, just digitized the bullets that killed JFK. It's been 50 years, so there's a tiny sad giggle factor to this. This is actually an interesting, possibly (eventually) helpful idea. They're using the 2 fragments from the actual bullets from the neck and back of the head. They also include the 'stretcher bullet,' which was found lying near Governor Connally's stretcher.

If you step back and take a look, you see an interesting see-saw effect. On the one side, things are being done to research, store, and solve. On the other side.. well... it's less of a see saw effect than half a see saw effect. One side moves up and down, while the other side stays unmoving.

• Grinch Award, 2019 Closeout: Special Olympics NY hacked, phishing emails sent to donors. 

Dear Wife:
I send you this brief note not in the spirit of apology, but in the spirit of explanation. You prepared your famous Mexican dip, with the beans, cheese, and salsa. I had a small taste this morning.  It was even better than I remember. I will be incommunicado while I finish the last 75% of it. After that, try looking for me in the bathroom.  Love, lefty.

• A study found apps don't provide reliable help for suicide prevention.
• Ummm... perhaps we're relying just a hair too much on apps. Yes, absent any care whatsoever, in minimal cases, the apps can help. Don't get your psych advice from an app. In an emergency, wrong numbers for hotlines aren't helpful.
• I don't get help from plumbing apps, so if I'm having trouble, I'll likely use my phone to actually call for help.

Curious as to how the PinePhone is coming along? The $149 phone with no connections to Google or Apple? Here's what 4 different operating systems look like running on it. You can put whichever you like on it, or others. Just wait til the developers are done and it's ready for prime time.

• Go surfing. You do it all day long. Those cookie notices that get in your way are a PITA. Today's was my favorite: We care about your privacy.
• If you cared about my privacy, you'd leave me alone and eat your own cookies.

We're learning about Stealth technology. We're learning about how it was made (tested at Area 51). Some of the Stealth aircraft have been retired. Retired.. yet we're just hearing their stories. This work is many years old. The SR-71 Blackbird was used by the Air Force from 1964 to 1998. So what is in the chute now? The Stealth craft have all sorts of 'futuristic' features. What do current generation testing planes have?  I don't think we've seen any of this. Doesn't it make you wonder? [Note: I understand the need for secrecy in certain military projects]

To possibly answer my own question, there are a ton of triangle craft sightings. Remember: UFOs are unidentified. We don't know what they are and where they came from. We don't know who or what is driving them. There's speculation that the triangles are ours.

One thing we don't know (I think): how to go unbelievably fast and make instant 90 degree turns. In current aircraft, if that were possible, we'd become puddles against a side of the cockpit. Bodies can't take that kind of force. Something inside the craft has to nullify this force.

As far as we know, only helicopters hover.
What flew over Phoenix twice hovered and also flew very slowly. Unless we have an impossibly large craft that can hover, it's not ours.

Compare and contrast this with Skunkworks' Ben Rich (Skunkworks did the super secret stuff and Ben was the head), who said something to the effect of having the technology to take ET home.

• Reminder: do NOT stick a USB stick into your computer. At all. Especially if you picked it up somewhere, like on the ground. Or stole it from a friend. You have no idea what's on it, but it could be a really nasty virus. Or something that silently takes over your PC and allows access to Bad Guys.

Today's word is gynecomastia. It means male breast growth.
Why do I bring this up?
Because of the claim that plant-based burgers will cause gynecomastia.
Read the whole article before you die snickering (like I almost did).

"We should not speak so that it is possible for the audience to understand us, but so that it is impossible for them to misunderstand us." Marcus Fabius Quintilianus

• China jails scientists behind first genetically engineered babies.
• and when they say jailed, they mean "gave them houses and larger salaries"

Why is it the attractive women are the ones least suitable for relationships?
On LivePD the cute ones are always the meth chicks (I like em skinny).
And those famous female killers... Amanda Knox, Rachel Wade, Jodi Arias, Casey Anthony... if you saw them on the street, you'd look twice. It's just that one other thing, keeping you from asking.....  These girls just kill me.




Today I identify as  a cocker spaniel

Because I've been relatively good these past few months, I was allowed out of the house. Because I was allowed out of the house, it was gray and rainy. Not because it was gray and rainy, the car's panel sprouted a light that said AUTO. It was a new light. I like new things. Since it said AUTO, it didn't seem threatening. Since Penny wasn't in the car, I couldn't have her sniff it to figure out whether it was friend or foe. I pondered. Then I pondered some more. Then I drifted off to pondering other things, because I have the attention span of a newborn infant, but not quite as much. When I reached down for a drink, I came across a switch. This, too, was a new thing. The switch had a position called AUTO. Hey - that light said AUTO - was it a coincidence? Is anything a coincidence? Are there any coincidences? Not in my car, there ain't.  The switch said 2WD/Auto/blah. I sort of got the gist.. .one position gave the vehicle two wheel drive. The second position was AUTO, and the third shifted us into blah. Aside from blah, I think I had to the situation pretty well in hand. I flipped the switch to 2WD and, as if by magic, the AUTO light went out. Another mystery solved before breakfast. Let us not quibble that it was 3pm.. I still hadn't had breakfast.  Yeah, ok, it's a new to us car. We're still finding stuff in it. Sadly, it's a year older than our existing car, so it has no AUX IN jack either. I am beginning to suspect the brain-radio interface will be standard in cars before I get an AUX IN. To our benefit, the cd player will play data CDs. To my agitation, the humongous library of blank cd's I have contains no blank ones. It was much easier when I worked at places that would give me spindles to take home. So we're stuck in place, with nothing to listen to in two cars but broadcast radio. I know this is a crime somewhere, perhaps according to the Geneva Convention, right after that nazi stuff.

Because we were going to dinner after the mall, all sorts of interesting food and treat places that weren't there before opened. Each one had something I needed desperately. I remain not-paranoid, and at no time did I feel it was personal, as it usually is when they do this to me.

I'm at one of those in between ages.... young enough to go into Spencer's, old enough not to get some of the references. To be fair, the Led Zeppelin shirt was pretty cool, as was the Hendrix. There were some boffo hats.. one was done in the script of the golf ball company Titleist. It said Titties. I have a relative who would piss himself if he saw it, but wouldn't have the balls to wear it while golfing.  The other had was multi-colored, not particularly attractive, and said TRANS on it. Hmmmm..... what are the implications of wearing a Trans hat in public? Well, I'm not really attractive, so people already think there's something 'different' about me. I guess it depends on what they think of trans people. If Mrs lefty wore it, that would confuse people. She's a woman from birth, no doubt. I might need more time on this. If I wear it to work, maybe I can get a promotion. Guess I better find out if Trans people are a protected group or not. It could backfire spectacularly.

*note to trans people: I do not hate you anymore than I hate any other person or group. It's none of my business what you do, or what you might want to do. Go in peace.

There must have been a cell phone giveaway at the mall, because half the people there were talking on them. Keep in mind that I've had cell phones from the Beam Me Up, Scotty style Motorolas, so they're not foreign to me. Welding one to your ear is. I know everyone loves their cell phones, but what kind of conversation absolutely must take place and cannot wait til you're out of the mall?

Maybe the cynics are right when they say tv, then cell phones have changed our lives, mostly our attention span, forever. One guy was in the mall with his sister, talking very loudly about cell phones. He's probably one of those people who talk LOUDLY on cell phones for reasons nobody knows. Mrs lefty does that too. In fact, when she makes a call, she goes down to the sub-basement, where there's a small, padded, soundproofed room, and makes her calls there. I still hear them sometimes. It's wonderful that she's so considerate, though. I'd be horrified and spend my time figuring out how to be quiet enough to not disturb anybody. She tries to get out of earshot. Same effect, I guess. Unless I need her for something, then I have to run a few floors down, to the sub-basement, where she's on the phone, in the small, sound-proofed room. I bang on the door. Still talking. I scream. Still talking. When she finishes the call, several hours later, my eyes are staring at each other and I'm screaming because she hasn't opened the door. She tells me it's soundproofed - she couldn't hear me knock.


I'm looking for words to describe shopping with Mrs lefty.
Ok, start with a short yellow bus, full of 8 year old kids who just had their first coffee and candy bar combo. The bus trip isn't bumpy at all - they're just jumping up and down in their seats. Line them up outside the short bus, in size order, and march them into the store, stopping to tell Jonathan to stop asking the old ladies for cigarettes. Once inside the store, say START SHOPPING and watch them disappear in every possible direction, including up. Up is an interesting choice, as the store has no 2nd floor. Oh well, where there's caffeine, there's a way. Now imagine tracking each one down, across the entire humongous store. Hours later you have them back in line, and head off to shop. Along the way, each one wants to stop at a different display. At the same time. They try this, but never separate, so the loudest tail is wagging the dog, like some extremely large caterpillar with hiccups.

So shopping with Mrs lefty is like that.


Meanwhile, back at the mall....

• The wife keeps disappearing around the corner to shop for new things. I used to chase her, but then I realized I have the shopping cart with her new clothes in it, so she'll find ME.
• After stopping at every display, on the way to look at one thing, I voiced my impatience. "Ok, we'll go where you want to go."  Thank y... she had already disappeared.
• Wife found a really nice top in white. She asks me what I think. I say no, white is merely a canvas for spaghetti sauce. Or ketchup.
• NOTE: it may be 75% off, but 75% off doesn't make it any less ugly.
• The sale section looked like a small nuclear explosion. Wife may have disappeared beneath some disgustingly green pants. At least I hope so, because they're moving.

Men, just give it up. You have exactly zero hope of grokking women's clothes or stores. If you try, it will cause a severe headache, brought on by massive brain hemorrhage. 

It's not enough that women have sizes, they have designations: women's, juniors, seniors, misses, divorced, and On the Hunt. Size 10 can be any actual size except 10. We don't have that problem: our clothes are over there, in the corner, in the Never Mind section. There are 2 pairs of pants, in generic size, plus one pair of shoes, that may or may not fit you. 

No matter what either of you is looking for, it's ugly. Ugly never goes out of style.

I try to learn one thing each time we go shopping. I work through the headache because I'm devoted to knowledge. Unfortunately I'm working against the flawed premise that I will eventually understand the topic. I just realized I'm self-deluded and I should have stopped this years ago... perhaps I just like the pain.

What did I learn?
Follow along - I can see your lids closing and some of you heading for the medicine cabinet...
Last time there, Wife saw a rack of her favorite shirts. I brought her back to get some for xmas. I somehow managed to drag her, quickly, through only 12 stops, to the exact rack. When we finally arrived, I waved my arms expressively, to point out the exact rack... with a completely different set of shirts, bearing absolutely no resemblance to the shirts that were there last time. I stammered, flummoxed.

She looked at me, without pause, and told me they were 'over there'.
Over there?
Yeah, they moved them.
NO, they were HERE.
Yes, they moved them.
How do you know?
They were on sale. Now these are on sale. And they're the wrong size.
Hang on - they change locations and sizes?
Yeah, they're over there.
How do you know?  

She dragged me halfway across the store, and there they were. In a completely different department, next to the mumus the morbidly obese women wear. Is this some sort of female homing device? If the rack were moved into the back room, would women know and storm the back room? I'm kidding - they'd demand their husbands storm the back room. Or worse, ask somebody.



We had a very strange dinner. I was looking around, wondering if the police were going to be involved. Or maybe 13 of the top people in Corporate. We walked in and there was no line. The lady seated us immediately, asking where we'd like to sit. They had everything we ordered. It came out quickly. The waitress was great and sweet. The order arrived as-ordered - no mistakes. We paid, were warmly wished a good evening and happy new year. I thought for sure they were being robbed or something. I kept looking around for the flashing lights, or some hooded people with guns. Or the food inspectors. Maybe aliens. I have no idea, but this sort of thing never happens, so we spent the entire dinner waiting for the other shoe to drop. If you think about it, no dinner we eat at a restaurant is ever going to be good because it's either wrong or it's too good and we're waiting to be poisoned or something...




Heroes of the Stupid

The couple heard noise downstairs, called the police, the guy got his gun, the police arrived. He was called downstairs because his Roomba had switched itself on and was banging into stuff. On the bright side, Google now has his floor plan.


Sharon Stone (yes) was blocked from the dating app Bumble because of several reports that her profile was fake.   In unrelated news, Mrs lefty said Bumble had better not be on my phone.




SJW Meanderings

Transgender man gives birth to non-binary partner's baby with female sperm donor.  If you can follow this, please avoid leaving a comment to explain it to us.

Inpeach!

OJ Simpson has been granted parole.
He told the judge that "he'd kill to get out of there." - Gilbert Gottfried
Hide your collectibles.  - twitter

• Just a short time after the suicide of Chris Cornell, Chester Bennington (singer: Linkin Park, STP) hung himself. The only question remaining is what these rock stars knew about Hillary Clinton.

It's somewhat unlikely that you'll get to visit the International Space Station, but you can do a Google Street View of it. Spoiler: the view is inside only and there are no aliens visible.

• In a 2015 general election in England, an investigation into allegations of pedophilia against a councillor was stalled to help the Labour Party. After the election, the councillor was convicted of downloading child porn. Do you have any idea how high up this goes?

There are hotels that charge you fifty dollars a day to store personal items in the mini fridge. Guess where... if you guessed Detroit, you'd be wrong. California, yes. Besides - goes to Detroit voluntarily?

• There is a coffee shop called Bitty and Beau's Coffee, which only employs people with disabilities. That really says something.
• Of course there's going to be that one ass who gets upset because his order is wrong. He yells, "What are you, retarded?" The entire store comes to a stop and answers, "Why yes, we are."

Bored? Go to Familytreenow.com - once the shock is over...
Go to https://www.familytreenow.com/optout to get yourself removed.

• Zakk Wylde, professional wild man, sometime guitarist for Ozzy Osbourne, solo artist and founder of Black Label Society has put forth his own line of coffee. Yeah, it's a bit more expensive. We picked up Valhalla and Death Wish. Both are medium roast, as opposed to our usual french roast. Death Wish has rather a lot of caffeine in it. I tried both, which were kinda light, as expected, but good-tasting. The Death Wish did not have me banging against the walls, which is most fortunate. The story goes that Zakk used to drink a cup of Death Wish before shows. I suspect that buzz is normal.

One of the greatest inventions of the 2000s, the Roomba, will actually spy on you. The company will be selling 'maps' of your house. But it's ok, you have to opt-in. The cat, meanwhile, will sell the same info for five cents less than the Roomba.

• An American and a Swedish company have asked some of their employees to voluntarily get chipped, for the purposes of entering the building, logging into their computers, and cashless purchases from the company store. George Orwell and Christians are screaming from the grave and in person. What could possibly go wrong?

In wonderful news, Adobe has announced the death of Flash. No updates will be produced after 2020. This means the web and any other users of Flash will have to decide what they're using next. Then the hacking will start on that. The wicked Flash is dead!

• The DEFCON Hacking Convention is taking place in Las Vegas. Having learned from past years, many local vendors are shutting down their networks out of sheer terror. UPS Store will not accept anything on USB. The only store that is safe is Starbucks - where do all geeks go all day?

Very few in the country (and outside) have not been paying attention to the press and the travails of President Trump. We all know I'm a libertarian and think that anyone was better than Hillary. The press coverage, plus online commentary, is ridiculously biased, if not outright lies. Yes, Fake News exists.

I suspect if Trump stood on an earthmover and made a short speech about how great America is, we would see the following:

• Trump stood on a what he called an earthmover. In reality, it's a dump truck.  - NBC News
• Drumpf is an idiot - twitter
• The president, today, spoke from a piece of construction equipment, obviously provided by Russia.  - CNN
• That's not even the real color of an earthmover - here's a link to paint samples from that year of production.  - Reddit
• We have evidence that the bolt that holds the upper part of the mirror on was made in China. Kim Kardashian told us.  - DailyMail
• I stole an earthmover, smashed a few cars, and tipped it over. - FB video
• Obama did it better -  Huffington Post
• We need Obama more than ever.  - twitter
• The president bravely stood on a symbol of American engineering. - Fox news
• Did you see the way his shoes were tied? INPEACH!  -FB
• Today the president cut off all aid to the poor.  - CNN
• This proves that the president is an antisemite  - Jewish Defense League
• He is full of hate.  - Southern Poverty Law Center
• He's a racist.  - Black Lives Matter
• Why were there no overweight, non-armpit shaving transgender women of color in the video?  - social justice warriors
• He is making America great again!  - Sean Hannity
• HE STOLE THE ELECTION - the Democrats. All of them.

*Inpeach: parody of the people who scream "IMPEACH" whenever Trump does something.

Yes, Pastor, Those Are Your Wife's Nudes

You think you're having a bad day.. and you just might be.. but this guy might win an award. He filed a suit against a Texas Toyota dealership alleging nude photos of his wife were sent to a swingers' site while he was buying a Toyota last year.

Hmmm..... I think I'm getting a feeling....

The allegations are quite serious under the law and the pastor and his wife have retained famous lawyer Gloria Allred (parodied on Family Guy as Gloria Ironbox). The salesman did maintain an account on the swingers' site and there's some electronic proof of hijinks, so I wouldn't want to be him at this point.

This blog would be doing a disservice to its readers if it didn't, at some point, say that pastors NEVER join swinging sites or take naked pictures of their wives or girlfriends or boyfriends or small furry rodents. And after they never submit these pictures, they also never blame anybody else because they would never have done such a thing. Unfortunately, the name of the swinging site was not released. Because we need to do our due diligence to discover facts in this case.

• although it has been joked about before and although it is doubted that this is correct, I wanted to share a small item of information on the combination of dogs and Roombas.

So maybe I'm wrong about the whole Internet of Things concept. A certain Whirlpool dryer will post a tweet when its drying cycle is finished. Because you need this in your life.

• My stomach is growling, which isn't all that odd. What IS odd is that there's a call and response thing happening between one side and the other. With different pitch growls. Do I ignore it or call an exorcist?

Thought for the day: it's way too early this morning.

• An Italian actress who pledged to perform sex acts upon people who voted no in a referendum is poised to become a woman of her word, scheduling appearances in many cities. We do not have this kind of stand-up behavior in the US: Madonna offered blowjobs to people voting for Hillary and an adult actress called Mia Kalifa offered the same for Trump voters. Neither came through.  America will never be the Best Country until we are all people of our word.

This poor British dude lost his penis in a childhood accident and recently got it replaced at tremendous cost. When word of his eight inch appliance, which could go forever, got out, he was deluged with offers. This far he has only used it with a local working girl and says he's too busy to take anyone else up on their offers.  I dunno.. I suspect we have different priorities....

Along related lines, a man was found, dead, with his penis cut off, in an NYC rest room. At this point all my male readers are bent over, crossing their legs involuntarily.

• Southwest Airlines had to make an unscheduled stop yesterday due to an additional passenger. A woman gave birth on the place. A representative for Southwest said they were overjoyed that everybody was ok and they would only charge the newborn half the going rate.

A man fatally shot his wife for urging him to kill himself. I suspect he would have gotten the better deal either way.

• Nancy Pelosi, stalwart silly person and California's recurring nightmare, just said, "I don't think people want new direction." There is also talk of California seceding from the US.  I think this is a perfect idea, especially if they appoint Pelosi as their representative. This way, no one will have to do anything and nothing will ever get done. 

Here's a well-written beginner's guide to beefing up your privacy and security online.

• Be careful of what you say at Virginia Tech: there is now a list of 50 expressions to be considered microaggressions. This joyous celebration of free speech came from meetings that included such stalwarts of independent thinking as the NAACP, the Muslim Student Association, and the Jewish Student Union.

A thief was recently apprehended with the aid of a BMW. The remote access system kept the doors locked until the police arrived. Yay - one for the good guys. Hang on... car doors being locked remotely? Remote control of many car functions, including acceleration and braking (already hacked on some cars)? All of this overriding the driver's actions?  Perhaps not.  Remember this when you buy a car.

• Mrs lefty and I were discussing her recent revulsion for the coming cold, as well as her revulsion for the heat/humidity as she gets older. I'm no great fan of either but I don't complain - it means I don't have to MOW anymore!

NOTE to anyone considering a blog on this platform: the spell checker does not recognize yay, ok, or blowjob.

Don't forget your Christmas shopping!

Poop Everywhere!

Got a pet and a Roomba (automatic vacuum cleaner)?
Apparently you can be in deep doo-doo if the machine runs over pet poop (or any other poop, one would imagine). In one case, it spread the poop all over the house. This is the main reason I love blogging.

• CNN has admitted to shorthanding ('creatively editing') the clip of the dead Milwaukee man's sister. The edited version said, "Call for peace." The original version said, "Go burn down the suburbs, not our local businesses." CNN apologizes.

Liz Cheney won the primary for the US House seat her father held. She is reported to have her own heart but does evil run in families?

• After what must have been an unnecessary lawsuit, a New Jersey driver can now order his 8THEIST license plate. His suit claimed religious discrimination because the Motor Vehicle Commission had approved a plate that said, "BAPTIST." Why are we even having this discussion?

Eight female Egypt state TV anchors have been given one month to lose weight before being allowed back on air. Perhaps they have had some consultants in from Fox.

• At her 58th birthday party in Havana, Madonna danced on a bar. Ambulances and life support stood by. Go ahead, call me a hypocrite.. sure, most of my favorite musicians are in their 60-70s.

A Malaysian oil tanker was 'not hijacked' despite earlier reports. Because it's really easy to get confused between 'hijacked' and 'not hijacked'.

• Unwanted pet goldfish are growing to the size of footballs in Australian waters. If they don't get eaten by the giant unwanted pet alligators, we're all in trouble.

I don't have a ton of good (or bad) things to say about Taylor Swift, but she just donated $1 million to help Louisiana recover from the flood. Hats off for your humanity, Taylor.

• The BBC News reported a study on the rising number of Islamophobic posts on Twitter.  Islamophobic is defined as anything negative about Islam. Not slanted at all, is it? Hmmm.. did they study the elections? I'm sick of them - if I tweet this, am I fraudophobic? If I tweet something bad that a gay guy did, am I homophobic? (ok, bad example). I really can't stand the Olympics (Zikaphobic), Social Justice Warriors (WhiteGuiltphobic), or Kim/Kanye (ok, that's just normal). Then there's concert prices (ServiceChargephobic), bad drivers (idiotphobic), and loud coworkers (deafophobic). Might as well give up on Mainstream Media (Agendaphobic), as if that's news.

Best headline of the month:

Police to search Bath park today for more dismembered feet


 Here's some readable tech stuff:

• 5 back to school tips to help kids stay safe online. Share this with children and adults you know. Avoid sharing it with kids you don't know - people tend to get upset about this.

If you're planning to install some spyware on your husband or wife's computer, things are starting to get 'interesting' in the courts. A US court has said that a man can sue a spyware company whose software was used unlawfully by a jealous spouse to intercept his messages. This is a significant case and should be watched. Don't you like it when I get all legal?

• So that DNC hack? It was investigated and determined, as in the press, to be Russian hackers. One of two hacks proved the Russians were inside the network for a year.  This is not partisan politics, folks... this is Serious Shit<tm>. If they're inside the DNC, where else are they? Answer: safe to assume most places.

Need a little light, amusing reading? Here's what happens when your work computer is full of large amounts of porn and it needs a little bit of repair...

So tell me - what's it like, being thrown through the windshield? No, we haven't called an ambulance-this will look great on the news.