Getting a Really Stupid TV

Falling coconuts kill more people each year than shark attacks. Just thought you should know.

• Eye Bleach Brigade: Nursing home workers caught sharing nude patient images on Snapchat. This is a special kind of perverted (and I should know).

Internet of Things (Iot) doorbell available that will give up your wifi passwords to anyone with a screwdriver. Remember - this is what's coming with the IoT. It's a total security nightmare and I highly recommend against it until it's completely secured (40 years after you're dead and technology has found several new generations of buzzwords).

• "A country where you are fined for fishing without a license but where people cross the border without passports is run by idiots.”  Can't argue.

Joseph Fiennes will be playing Michael Jackson in a road trip movie. People are protesting (because it's so difficult to tell them apart).

• According to a recent study, teens and adults are opting for porn because it's 'less risky than actually having sex.' Has anybody told them there's a significant difference?

Dutch police kicked down a door after a report of "terrifying screams." It turned out to be a man singing along with opera. Hey, at least it wasn't rap.

• This is a very interesting and sad story about one of the engineers who tried to stop the Space Shuttle from launching and failed, after which it exploded.

Haven't you always hoped to meet your idols or favorites?
After reading a few on Twitter, it turns out that way too many of them have bizarre political views and are better off un-met (yeah, I get the irony). The Pythons are brilliant in 148 characters, though. Very witty, Wilde.

• Coldplay is twenty years old. Accordingly, I just heard them for the first time. I like to make up my own mind so I ignored all of the dissing they got from the public. After hearing one song and part of another, I realized that sometimes, infrequently, the public is right.

SELFIE TIME

• A lady on holiday in India tried to take a selfie at a tourist spot and fell 30' down a well. Fortunately she was rescued. No word on how the selfie turned out.

Since no one has died this week, Paul Kantner stepped up to the plate and left us yesterday. Kantner (74) founded the Jefferson Airplane. He had heart trouble previously and his organs kinda shut down.

• We just went past Data Privacy Day. As we know here, every day is data privacy day. The EFF has put together some info. One focus is your children's data in schools. There are many good links and the EFF is a great resource.  When you go to do something online, take a moment and this about how it might affect your privacy. We have to take care of ourselves - it's not in any company's or government's best interest to tell you how to maintain privacy (and security). If you have any questions, ask!

We all know about addiction and addicts. Crack addicts will break into houses to steal, sell their children and whatever else to get their fix. I've been monitoring and realized that crack addiction has absolutely nothing on the big one: of course I'm talking about cigarettes.  My wife is a smoker, so I have some idea of what I speak. When she goes into the hospital, a practice to which I have put a stop, the first thing I'm required to do is locate cigarettes. And maybe clothes.

So we're watching COPS and this guy is having an absolute blast, making his car do donuts. He winds up stopped, largely as a result of that old physics chestnut about two objects occupying the same place at the same time. In other words, he hit a house. The cop arrives immediately and goes up to the open window to find the airbag deployed..

COP: Sir, are you ok?
Guy: What? Yeah.
COP: Sir, can you get out of the car, please?
Guy: Can I have a cigarette?
COP: Get out of the car, please. Are you hurt?
Guy: I'm fine.
COP: I called the ambulance, have them look at you.
Guy: Can I have a cigarette?
COP: Let them look at you first.
...
Guy: Ok, I'm fine. Can I have a cigarette?
COP: I have stuff to do. Get in the car- you're going to jail.
Guy: Can I have a cigarette first?

I was half shocked and half hysterical. The wife was trying to tell me, through her laughter, that's the way it is.

And now, The Music

You may not know them off the top of your head, but everybody knows The Faces.
Rod Stewart was their front man.
Ron Wood (Rolling Stones) plays guitar.
Kenny Jones (The Who) plays drums.
Ronnie Lane plays bass. He passed from Gehrig's Disease and the ARMS Concerts raised funds for a cure.
Ian McLagan plays keys. Later he did work for the Rolling Stones and his own bands.

The link goes to a really good concert from 1972.
Check out Ronnie Lane singing on Maybe I'm Amazed. Ron Wood is playing a really cool Zamaitis guitar on this. You'll also recognize Stay With Me.

These guys groove like no other. Enjoy the show.

Lemon Curry?

Japan releases dog poo app.  I just like saying dog poo app.

• The decision to award the Nobel Peace Prize to US President Barack Obama in 2009 failed to live up to expectations, the committee's ex-secretary has said. Their awards to Iran and Mussolini also failed somewhat.

The internet is positively abuzz with news of a Faceyspaces Dislike button. Hit it! We dislike Faceyspaces!

• We all know how I feel about the president. However, he pulled one on the pope that has me howling: he invited a transvestite, a pro-abortion nun and a pair of gay bishops to the White House when the pope visits. This was described as a stunning show of political indecorum. More indecorum in the White House, I say!

Have humans made dogs stupid? I had no idea it was catching. Are they watching reality tv now?

• Snake with no mate gives birth for second time. Uh-oh... a second virgin birth, the pope visiting, and Microsoft has developed its own linux.......IT'S THE END TIMES!!!!

I have a friend who somehow became afflicted with children. While visiting one day, I noticed something really odd (in spite of my complete lack of child-rearing skills): Mom would tell one of the children to go to the bathroom, almost out of the blue.

About fifteen years down the line, when she's caught and the inevitable interviews with the neighbors all reveal what a nice child she was, the psychologists hired by the court will trace the whole nightmare back to Mom making her go to the bathroom on command. Books will be written. CSI will do an episode on it.

Speaking of which, did you ever see the neighbors say that it was only a matter of time? They could tell something was going to happen - he was just that kind of child. They're suprised it wasn't worse. THAT's the kind of news we need to see on tv.

• Vladimir Putin will be meeting Elton John for a chat about LGBT rights. And Ted Nugent, for a talk on the proper way to prepare bear.

"If the Government were placed in charge of the Sahara Desert, they would run out of sand in 5 years"
- Milton Friedman

• A Guantanamo Bay detainee has an online dating profile. "Detained but ready to mingle". Their first date will be da bomb!

A DFW Whataburger (former) employee refused to serve police the other day. #policestomachsmatter 

• [sigh] Donald Trump, our only hope for genuine White House hilarity, fashion plate and inveterate dog-fluffer, pledged a huge military buildup and better healthcare for veterans. Oh well, the man whose slogan is 'I couldn't be any worse' is now promising things and not specifying how he'd pay for them. Yes, The Donald is now officially a politician.
• Speaking of buffoons, Jeb Bush says people need to stop demonizing the NSA.

Every few weeks at work, some nice person comes along and dusts my cubicle. The other day I was privileged to observe this ritual: she proceeds to dust all of the bookshelves, which has the effect of relocating all of the dust to my desktop. This is cleaning efficiency at its finest. The Cleaning Union is hiring someone to push all of the dust from the desktop to the floor. Next year's contract includes provisions for a vacuuming expert.

• Being a British Isil jihadist isn't all glamour and brides.... this guy laments the hygiene, shoe theft and lining-up behavior of his fellow jihadists from other countries. Maybe the key to destroying Isil is to let them destroy themselves from within.

Chipzilla has produced a sports bra which opens vents when it senses a certain level of heat and sweat. Millions of men are now practicing their hacking skills.

• Federal air marshals under investigation for filming sex with a prostitute while on duty.  Provided your hijacker is having sex with the marshal, everything is under control. Don't you feel safer already?

Paxil, the antidepressant, is deemed unsafe for young people after reanalysis. The manufacturer said it was safe for young people. What they meant to say was that it was NOT safe for young people. They apologize.

• PC POLICE ATTACK!
• University seeks to ban expressions of intolerance
• Comics don't want to play colleges anymore
• Devo member apologizes for 9-11 themed wedding, box cutter favors
• Robot ethicist launches campaign against sex robots, saying such products demean women and reinforce stereotypes. In unrelated news, robot ethicist's house TP'd and raided by SWAT. Accounts hacked and credit card has charges from religious beastiality midget porn sites.

SELFIE NEWS: A Japanese tourist died at the Taj Mahal after slipping down a staircase. He had been taking a selfie. Another senseless selfie-related death.



MUSICAL MENTIONINGS:

The Reverend Billy F Gibbons (ZZ Top) is about to release a solo album. In the meantime, he's up to his old tricks in the video for Treat Her Right.

John Hiatt is a songwriter who doesn't get his due. He wrote Have a Little Faith in Me (Joe Cocker, others), Memphis in the Meantime (Gregg Allmann), Thing Called Love (Bonnie Raitt), and Angel Eyes (Jeff Healey), among many others. You may not have heard him perform them but his style is original.  He also has a great sense of humor, not a standard feature in too many people from Indianapolis. He recently toured with another ThermionicEmissions favorite, Lyle Lovett.

My brother turned me onto John, the first song being Little Head. Let's just say it's a variation on the theme of of men's central processing units being centrally located. Another song that sits in my phone's mp3 directory is Cry Love. It has no guitar solo and I have no idea what it's about (making me a perfect American consumer).

Speaking of Thing Called Love, here's a Bonnie Raitt live version, complete with John. And nothing would be complete without a complete diversion, via Bonnie Raitt and Emmylou Harris singing backup on Little Feat's live version of Dixie Chicken, complete with RIP Feat members Lowell George and Richie Hayward.

Fred and Paul from Little Feat - Keswick Theater - 9/11/15

Hey Vanna - the Welsh Would Like to Buy a Vowel

It's not every day you see a body hanging from an exit sign but hell, this is New York. My interest in this item is not specifically the dead body. My interest is the reaction to the dead body. Two people took to Twitter to post intelligence about this new social phenomena. In the past, news cameramen, upon seeing a man on fire, were accused of choosing to film the event rather than helping the poor burning man. Now we have seen the next chapter - motorists, rather than calling the police and doing something useful, post on social media. Granted, the man in question was beyond help (we think), but in my paleolithic mindset, it might be a better idea to get the incident investigated than letting four of your closest followers know about it. I suppose we should be thankful that he didn't take a selfie with the body.

Great Social Commentator #2 referred to the incident as 'a man hung himself'. I'm thinking that hanging from a sign on the Queens Island Parkway might indicate the fellow being suicided, but we'll let the proper authorities determine that.

• It's not the first time a couple has had sex in an airplane bathroom. But it's probably the first time a Norweigian Air stewardess made an announcement, congratulating the lovebirds, who were reproducing. Flight safety was not compromised, so the police were not called. In the US, the TSA and FBI would have been waiting for them, heavily armed, with jail sentences.

Travel+Leisure Magazine listed the fifteen least friendly cities in the world (by survey). Six were in America. The seventh overall least friendly city (you know where I'm going with this) is Philadelphia. Most of the listed cities are tourist destinations, therefore you'd think that friendliness would be a given. To hell with stereotypes - France made it to the list also.

• President Obama is touring the remote regions of Alaska to bring attention to how climate change is affecting Americans. No mention of his Shell drilling approval. Further, in a sad turn of events, Air Force One will be bringing the president back to DC.

Feminists are angry that Kermit the Frog's girlfriend is young and thin. My immediate thought is why the hell not - the last one was a real pig. My next immediate thought is that this is an awful lot of hot air for an old green puppet. Note to feminists: he's not real. He's not sentient. He's made largely of cloth. His maker died years ago. If advancing feminism is important to you (and if this is actually feminism), perhaps you should set your sights on targets that are more, perhaps, alive. You know, something important. Why didn't anyone complain when his girlfriend was large?

• A recent survey revealed that 15% of men would have sex with a robot. The other 85% are lying.

Forty years after a great step for mankind, Russia is planning to go to the moon. That will be one damn long line for toilet paper, Mr. Putin.

• French prosecutors have said they believe "with certainty" that a wing part found in July came from missing flight MH370. Yes, some sixty days later, the French were able to ascertain that the plane part came from flight 370. In the next six months, we shall see the French coming forth with more tremendous, timely research, such as verifying that the plane part was (with certainty) white and that it was made of a metal-like substance. There is simply no way to keep the plucky French down! Relatives of the MH370 dead are breathing a sigh of relief. Meanwhile in Malaysia, the government had previously said it believed that the flaperon belonged to MH370. Malaysians certainly aren't the French, are they?

Please don't take my word on it. It was just World Sex Day and here are the words of the professionals - the many benefits of having more sex. It helps with illness, stress, brain, youth, longevity, and kills pain.

• Skinheads(?) have burned crosses into the lawn of a New York mosque. Hymie Schwartz, a spokesman for the Jewish League, said he was overjoyed that Jews all over New York got the week off from lawn care.

Nine biodefense laboratories that work with dangerous viruses, toxins and bacteria, have experienced an immediate freeze on operations by the Pentagon, due to the discovery of live anthrax outside a containment area at a military lab in Utah.   I feel it time that someone with some small amount of sense step in and clean up this problem. The Pentagon has proven itself somewhat less than careful, conscientions, and competent in the handling of many biological agents, mostly anthrax. Like a child who proves he cannot handle playing and putting away his toys, our Boys in DC need to be called on the carpet for their Anthrax Accomplishments. Shipping it (and ebola) all over the country 'by mistake' and finding it 'missing' are but the latest two rounds of the Keystone Kops - Viral Department. Has anybody mentioned the anthrax mailed to 'random' congresscritters years back? Anthrax isn't a new technology, folks. If we can't safely handle it by now, maybe we should take up less lethal ways of killing people (and ourselves, apparently).  Perhaps it's time to take away the viruses, toxins and bacteria and send these boys and girls back to whatever it is they do best.

In News of Irony department, snakebite antidote is running out.

• In the age of the GPS, a friend discovered that you can not only find Home Depot, but you can identify where each department is within the store. We have come so far. Have we?

Pope relaxes Catholic marriage rules: it's now ok to marry little boys. Oops, sorry... it's now easier to remarry.  

Philadelphia Pope Tour 2015 - Nothing's Sacred: Philly's mayor shocked to discover people are scalping tickets to see the pope, referring to it as trifling in his neighborhood. I wonder where he grew up.

• A businessman caught on camera urinating into a coffee cup while working in someone's home drops out of running for Canada's parliament.  Hopes to make it to US in time for presidential election.

The US Air Force has laid down an ultimatum to a Nevada landowner who has been there since before 1940 to sell or they will condemn the land and sieze it. National Security, you know. Oh yeah, it's near Area 51. They do so love their land grabs. The last one, around the 1980's, took more land so people couldn't get close to Area 51 to observe.

• Hillary "2nd Amendment" Clinton is for a 25% national gun tax.  Next up: a 50% tax on free speech.

Russian man unhappy with cosmetic surgery shoots surgeon then himself. You have to admit, it's a lot more effective and immediate than a Yelp review.

• Vatican conservatives are not happy with the current pope. I hope he doesn't wind up as Pope Kennedy.

Security Theater, Part 97: You know those TSA keys that will allow ('only')them to open your luggage at airports? The TSA, in cooperation with the Washington Post, published pictures of the keys, allowing anyone to make a complete set (not that it was difficult to pick in the first place). This is precisely the backdoor FBI Director Comey wants for encrypted phones. Do you trust these people with your security?

• Waco police pulled a gun from a woman's vagina during a drug bust. Police offered her $100 to fire it before they removed it.

TECH SPOT

Eight in ten internet-connected baby monitors receive 'F' grade for security flaws. Listen up, folks.. these things are garbage. If you MUST have one, do some research first. Learn which is the right one for you and how it needs to be secured. Or buy one that doesn't connect to the net. And secure it.

Fiat Chrysler has recalled almost 8,000 Jeep Renegade SUVs to update software that could allow vehicle hacking. Yes, I really need a car with a black box and remote access by hackers. And GPS. And a cellular modem that connects whether or not you're using it. And your driverless car can be hacked by a $60 gadget.

An Israeli security company has built a version of Windows that's "unhackable".  A security company should know that if you can touch it, you can hack it. And why use an inherently insecure operating system?

M-M-MUSIC

Whatcha got?

I got Paul Gilbert.  The last few selections were of the non-virtuoso variety. I've corrected that here. Paul is a fleet-fingered master of the fretboard. You'll notice a sense of humor in his playing and delivery, which I really appreciate. He's one of the guitarists who can play faster than you can listen but also does Tasty Stuff.

Let's get the Obvious Hit out of the way: To Be With You. Paul did this song with his group, Mr. Big. Eric Martin, the vocalist, is a highly underrated singer. This particular version seems to be a gag, with all sorts of extras thrown in and Paul singing. The headphones are hearing protection. How he pulls off the wheedly-ing while singing is a feat of physics and multitasking.

Addicted to That Rush is a great Mr. Big tune. Billy Sheehan, the bass player, is every bit Paul's equal on the low end. He played for Talas, David Lee Roth (with Steve Vai) and others. The song has dueling virtuosos plus great, memorable hooks. Both Billy and Paul have their own signature instruments.

Paul was in a shredder metal band called Racer X. This is a song from them called Scarified. Dig the flurry of notes, the tone and the funky astronaut motif.

I'm Nothing if not Something

A halloween costume of Caitlyn Jenner is causing outrage, prompting cries of disgraceful and transphobic. I wonder where these Social Justice Warriors were when Reagan, The Decider and (Bill)Clinton masks were in heavy rotation. Where were the charges of idiotphobia then?  I have to admit the costume is hilarious, with a dress-like thing and a sash that says Call Me Caitlyn. And what had better be a wig.  BUT WAIT: A second controversy has sprung up over a Lion Killer Costume! These costumers are a delightfully sick bunch.

• My first job was nine months of sheer hell, dealing with the public at an electronics store that shall not be mentioned (it gave out free batteries and just went under). The job taught me a very important life lesson - that I hate people. And that retail was not my strong suit. But in the interest of fairness, we should all read this article about retail. We can all learn something from it (and it validates hating people).

There's no doubting it: farts are funny, to all ages and sexes (mostly the male sexes). I have often wondered why (because my mind needs to know this sort of thing). Here is a piece on why fart jokes never get old. The old anal exhalation. The wind beneath my sheets. One - single flatulation, stuttering between my cheeks.

• Homeland Security has raided a gay escort site. Precisely which part of national security is threatened by gay escorts? Are they afraid of outing DC? They have been charged with prostitution and the website was seized. I wonder if the straight services are next. Maybe they'll seal the records for seventy five years, like JFK's.

A bar in Sydney, Australia, has caused outrage by using naked women as fruit platters.  I'm desperately trying to figure out the problem here.  I do have to admit that the bananas were sitting rather tall on one platter. An outraged Social Justice Warrior referred to the practice as contempt for women. Seems more like love for women. All they needed was a guitar somewhere and you'd have my three favorite activities on one table.

• Speaking of the cheating site Ashley Madison hack, it has been discovered that only about one percent of women who signed up ever actually used the site (men paid, women signed up for free). Where are the Warriors crying about male inequality? Don't delude yourself, guys... women run the planet. The sooner you recognize this, the better off you'll be. The Ashley Madison story is going to get more and more interesting in the coming weeks. For some really sad news, check out some of the passwords used for the site.  IN ADDITION:  Hundreds of thousands of people signed up for the service last week - AFTER news of the hack.  If it weren't for the great stupidity of the Great Unwashed, I'd swear that the hack was just good publicity for Ashley Madison.

Drought? LA County supervisors wash their cars 2-3 times a week. This is an outrage! How can governmental supervisors be expected to wash their own cars? 

• You absolutely cannot PAY for this headline: Unrestricted Urine Flow in San Fran Streets Corroding Metal Light Poles. SF has started using urine-resistant paint.  After 9/11, BART restrooms were closed as a safety measure. The City is obviously protecting the citizens from people using the bathroom in subways. Most surprising, not a word about Philadelphia.

In addition to transgender tv sitcoms and reality shows, transgender porn is on the rise. So to speak. Especially in California, New York, Illinois and Texas. DC is probably number one in underage transgender porn.

• Man arrested after his dog tests positive for meth. It's a good thing the vet doesn't test Marshall... he'd blow positive for cat food every time.

A PF Chang chef, Jaquan Huston, stabbed another chef, Eliveton Dias, to death in the kitchen during the dinner rush. My wife has been trying to get me to go there for years. As if the food weren't enough to put me off, now I have to worry about danger to my person via chefs with knives. This doesn't seem to be a problem at my favorite pizza place.

• Roberto Esquivel Cabrera has what some would consider a problem: he has (this stuff kills me) the world's longest penis. He's trying to get some sort of disability payments for it (and him too). He claims that he can't get a job, it hangs below his knees and that women are too afraid to have sex with him (he's still a virgin). Yes, this is a World Record Academy award (Guinness didn't have a category for this). Oddly enough, another record holder is the world's smallest man, at two inches larger (taller) than Mr. Cabrera's Monster Member. We wish him luck. Stardom awaits  when California's porn producers come across this story.  This picture was to the right of the story - they couldn't have picked a better one.

You thought I couldn't top the penis, didn't you?  The wife of a New York administrator claims she has Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from her husband's twisted sexual practices.  So he wore a chastity belt to work. So  he wore diapers and a horse tail during foreplay. So he dressed like a sissy maid and called himself Jessica.  

The divorce papers say he engaged in “predatory and extreme depraved antisocial sexual conduct so egregious it shows a blatant disregard for the marital relationship that it shocks the conscience.” Hey now - one person's "predatory and extreme depraved antisocial sexual conduct" is another person's idea of Marital Bliss or bit of good clean fur for an evening.

While the gentleman in question is now without a wife (who has reportedly been safely ensconced in a local nunnery), he has a line around the corner of women (and men) who like a good time. Most are dressed in leather, carrying a box of diapers and a brand new french maid outfit in his size. I'm dying while I'm typing this.

• A Maine man crashed into a tree while taking a selfie, driving home (oof) this blog's extreme dislike of selfies.

Miyuki Harwood, a hiker missing for nine days has been found alive in a California forest. ThermionicEmissions does not condone the use of Asian driving jokes.

• North Dakota is the first state to legalize weaponized Unmanned Aerial Devices (shooting and bombing drones) for local police departments. Firing in Fargo, anyone? Bombing in Bismarck? Shooting in Stanley? Murder in Minot?

A package of radioactive material that was supposed to be delivered to an on-campus office at Texas A&M University has gone missing. Perhaps they mistook it for Anthrax. If they try to trace it through the postal service, they're screwed.

• Firefighters were called out to a farm in England because a curious cow got its head stuck in a chair. After freeing the poor large beast from the chair, it was discovered that this was no ordinary curious cow - it was just Kim Kardashian (for the second time this week).

An Afghan man and women were given 100 lashes in public for adultery. In the US, you get a website, press coverage and a tv show.

SO MUCH FUNK, ONE BLOG CANNOT STAND IT ALL

Once again I'm going to abandon my guitar leanings and give you The Funk. Few solos here... just the almighty groove. I'm talking Sly & the Family Stone. 

If You Want Me to Stay is prototypical Sly. This version is from the classic Soul Train program and is done live. The drummer is Bill Lordan, who I know from Robin Trower, a real surprise.  All the way from the phenomena that was The Midnight Special comes Thank You (Falettinmne Be Mice Elf Again). Sly plays guitar on this song (did you know Sly played guitar?). This particular drummer is not Bill Lordan, which seems to work better for the band. I call him Bouncy because I don't know his name but have seen him with the band in other videos. He's all over the place.

Enjoy Higher, from Woodstock. You'll know all these tunes from their studio versions but I was looking for variety and performance. It is rumored that Sly was notoriously late and refused to go on at Woodstock. When the organizers threatened to not pay, Sly asked everyone what they were waiting for. Great performance, great concert.

Unfortunately, time and recreational pharmaceuticals had their effect on Sly, who, at least reading, lived in a van, paranoid and penniless. He's supposed to be getting back on his feet with a little help from his friends. I sure hope so, espcially considering what passes for music on the radio these days.

Deep, Deep Shame

Shame. Perfidy. Shonda. Disgrace. Dishonor. Humiliation. Guilt. Sadness. Betrayal. Ignominy. Mortification.

All these things and more will not sufficiently explain my feelings.
I come to you humbly, hat in hand, begging your understanding and your assistance in determining what went wrong.

This is very difficult for me to type, so please allow me some leeway....

[sniff]

My wife...

[sniff]

My wife... has joined Faceyspaces.

There. I said it.

Here I am, Tin Foil Hat to the Stars, Number One Privacy and Security Guru, Winner of the 'I'm Not Paranoid - I'm Acutely Aware' Prize [1998-2014], with a wife on Faceyspaces.  Everyone's laughing at me.

Don't believe me?
Approximately sixty seconds after her signup, my own brother send a foe request, asking if I knew.
I'm doomed, like a chiropractor whose wife wears impossibly high heels. Except the chiropractor's wife at least looks good in them. Nothing good can come of Faceyspaces.

I explained that nothing good can come of Faceyspaces. I explained that it's the front page of the NSA. That the NSA either wrote the software or wishes they did.  That the mobile app eats data and privacy. That even with the highest privacy settings, it still sucks up all available data. That no one knows what the mobile app eats in terms of permissions because it's installed as junkware by the carrier.

Her argument?  She wants to keep in touch with the nieces and nephews.
Do the nieces and nephews not have email? Even though that's also property of the NSA, it's not public.

Will she now be required to post selfies every time she goes to the bathroom? Report on what she ate for lunch? Talk about which tire is leaking this morning? Describe picking up after the dog using Poop Bags<tm>? Purchasing a selfie stick? Beating me about the head and shoulders with it?

Can anybody recommend a twelve-step group or a deprogramming center?


I feel so..... alone.
And it's getting cold.... so cold.



THIS WEEK'S SELECTION

How could I go any further without mentioning another hero of mine: Frank Zappa. Zappa has played the bicycle, gotten arrested for one of his records, run recording studios, made millions laugh, got in trouble for insulting Jewish women then went after Catholic girls, gays, influenced many artists, and knocked the heads off many a guitar player.

This is a love song. A family song. A funny song. A song that you had better not play too loud at work (or home). It's called Crew Slut. It's a love song to the ladies of the road.  And here's Frank with a really nice instrumental called Watermelon in Easter Hay.

Sadly, Frank left us in 1993, due to prostate cancer. Get yourself checked, guys.