I Picked A Bad Day to Give Up Printing

Just let me rant.

In the Unreasonable Expectations category, printing a single page is certainly near the top.

I forgot to install my printer.
No problem - plug it in and it's installed. Except for the small fact it won't print, all is well.
I could tell already that this was going to be another snowball from hell, rolling downhill to run me over. Is it personal? Sometimes it feels like it.

The printer kept saying it stopped. Well, the software did - the printer says READY, as it sits there, mocking me and blinking away.  Maybe it doesn't like snow (I don't either). No matter what I do, I can't get it to do anymore than it's doing. Desperate, I switch to a lesser operating system, which doesn't even see the printer. Super.

Back to linux, I ran some utilities, which told me I was missing just a few files (57 and a half). Ok, I'll play your game... I installed them, yet the printer continued to mock and challenge me.

Ok, let's visit HP, which has all sorts of drivers and utilities and headaches, but very few pain relievers. Finding drivers is a bit rough, as HP's web designers get better drugs than the rest of us. Or they just like screwing with the customers (like their printers). I'll have you know it went in flawlessly last time. The website wanted to identify my printer. But it failed. So I tried another browser, which also failed. I tried yet a third browser, completely open to HP and viruses, which also failed. Apparently HP wants a special browser, with features unavailable in normal browsers. I remember this from somewhere, deep in the past... like the last time I tried to find something on HP's site. Ok, let me just pick a driver from a list. Oops, you can't do that... it would contravene the Geneva Convention, like using your turn signals. It's really sad when you have to use a search engine to find which page you need on the site you're visiting now. The first page wanted to identify my printer again. VAIR ARE YOUR PAPERZ? it asked. My system replied PAPERZ? WE DON'T NEED NO STINKING PAPERZ. The second link was back to HP, where it wanted my printer's model. My typing is particularly bad today, so 5 minutes later, I finally got the correct model typed in. And HP couldn't find it. I tried a few more times, with different orders of letters (and different yelled words), with the same response.

At this point, HP has essentially said the universe is not as I understand it. Basically, I don't have the printer sitting next to me because it doesn't exist. This is quite the metaphysical dilemma. We can all plainly see it. I can even hear it mocking me. Yet it doesn't exist. And it's still snowing. Let's put this in plain language: you believe in Jesus. Jesus happens to be sitting next to you, doing Jesus things... healing, blessing, damning people to an eternity with Flo from Progressive Insurance. You go online to ask Hewlett Packard if Jesus wore plaid and it tells you Jesus doesn't exist. You can clearly see Jesus, and you've been chatting merrily with him for an hour or two, so you're a bit confused, especially concerning the whole holiness business. You took your medicine, haven't started drinking yet, and have the complete assurance of Jesus himself that he exists, yet HP says he doesn't. Are you starting to get my dilemma now?  You then head out to some other Jesus sites on the web, but the search engines have no links for Jesus, even when I type his name correctly.  We need to dig Einstein up to explain this for us, although perhaps in this universe he doesn't exist. In that case, the guy in the wheelchair is unlikely to assist us either.

Back to searching; a software site, replete with loads of HP drivers, confirmed the non-existence of my printer. The printer must be feeling some kinda way by now. Or it has gone incognito, in which case the clearly printed model number was falsified by someone or some printer. Do you see my dilemma? Do I? This is after 2 cups of coffee the size of a Hyundai, so I'm marginally awake.

I narrowed my search to the model number and 'for linux'. The first site had all sorts of drivers for all versions of Windows and some Macs, but not one linux. These were all drivers for the printer that doesn't exist, confusing me even further. If Jesus were still here, I'd ask him why this is.  The second link took me to a cleverly hidden HP page for my exact printer, which HP said doesn't exist. Can you smell my frustration from my typing? The 2 options ask whether my version of Windows is 32 or 64 bit and I don't see my operating system listed. Well, I refuse to answer Windows questions, especially deeply personal ones like this, so I went with the operating system link. It told me that the drivers should already be present in linux, which I already knew, but the computer didn't. I downloaded the driver in a tarball, which has absolutely nothing to do with heroin, although I might be headed that way in about 5 minutes. It was a small download, about 3gigs, which took up a few of my spare hard drives (after I cleaned all the hamster pr0n from them).  The file made some suggestions that were anatomically impossible, so I figured I'd use the IT Crowd method: did you try turning it off and turning it on again?

Having read the above, can you guess how the IT Crowd method went?
Yup. No change.

I figured I'd give it the weekend off, to recharge and download new ways to terrify me. I also gave me the weekend off, to sleep, take up recreational pharmaceuticals, and beg the wife to spank me.

#####################

In spite of the day of the week persistently being Monday, I had to tackle the beast. I thought the weekend off would recharge me...  it recharged me for more recharging.

The voices told me to uninstall the HP printing software. They sounded reasonable this time, so off I went, followed by a reinstall. HP was very helpful, in that it let me download their version of the software, and provided instructions on installation. When I say instructions, I mean a few paragraphs about installing a previous version, from about 1985. They said if this part or that part didn't work, you just do xxxx.  This would not be possible for some users, but fortunately I'm a masochist and Hyundai-herder, so I went forth. It produced a few error messages that even HP couldn't decipher, involving hieroglyphics and lewd pictures of alligators. I'm weak on my alligator, so I just went with the defaults and completely refused to acknowledge the errors. You know the drill... if you don't acknowledge them, they do not exist.

The new software worked perfectly. It didn't take long to install, had no errors (that I acknowledged), and installed the printer perfectly. *except it didn't print. Same error. I briefly considered reaching through the internet and telling HP exactly how I feel about their software, but I'm told that's rude, like suggesting the owners of a work computer that it might work better if connected to a car battery, with a pair of battery cables.  I get a gold star for that... 10 years ago, I would've plowed ahead and suggested it with a smile.

I managed to find an error. Linux also found the error and asked me if I wanted to submit it. I did, then felt really bad, because I heard that every time an Ubuntu person received an error with HP in it, they shoot (usually themselves... usually). Since HP's error was the same error as the first time, I decided to do the right thing and shoot. Since I couldn't decide on who to shoot, I refused to acknowledge that I installed the printer and installed it again.

POOF - IT PRINTED!!!!!!!!!!!!

When they picked me up off the floor, I tried again, just to make sure it didn't print in my dreams after I passed out. It continued to print. I could feel, at that moment, the Flying Spaghetti Monster smiling down upon me. Then I tripped and fell on my face.

The moral of the story is to avoid alligators.
And to always install 2 of the same printer, because Printer won't print, but Printer2 will.





P.S. If you're really bored, put on some Monty Python and some pr0n at the same time. You'll wind up watching pr0n with a laugh track. Or so I hear.

We can laugh, but history's last laugh will be loudest

Xubuntu 18.10 Cosmic Cuttlefish

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HP LaserJet Pro MFP M130nw - Review

One of the reasons I was politely asked to leave my previous web location was that I did not dedicate the blog 100% to technical content. The other reason had something to do with Halloween Boobies, but I won't bore you with that now.

In my long and storied computer career, I've had three printers at home: a LaserJet so old that it wanted a serial cable, and two multifunction HP DeskJets. The LaserJet worked flawlessly until, for some reason, it didn't. The DeskJets both followed the same trajectory: they printed nicely, the very expensive ink cartridges dried out because I barely print, and the scanner mechanism broke, which, for some reason, broke the printing function. This was years ago and I've somehow managed to survive.

So after much thought, I decided on a laser printer, with scanning, fax, and copying. Laser cartridges don't dry out and they produce a lot of pages. I looked around and found relatively cheap color laser printers. The first color laser I saw at work, many years ago, was about $10,000. So I was a little shocked to find this little bugger in the neighborhood of $350. Since I remember what was involved with color lasers, it was a real mental tug of war between I WANT ONE and YOU'LL BE SORRY.  The 'feature' that stopped the purchase was that it requires four cartridges (this is standard) at about $110 each, which is more than the cost of the printer itself (also standard with InkJets).

Since I had such a bad time with HP printers, there was no excuse not to get another one. Ok, let me back up.... when printers are released, they don't come with linux drivers. Windows and Mac - no problem. Linux... well... take your chances. The linux community got together and put together a resource on printers and whether or not they worked with linux. Unfortunately the linux community cannot travel into the future to say if a very new printer will work. So if you want a new model of printer, you have to wait til someone buys it and tries it, then posts the results. The ones I was looking at didn't have listings on the linux page yet. 

HP may have questionable hardware, as displayed by my two dead multifunction printers, but they're incredibly smart. They released software called HPLIP or something like it, that will allow you to use their printers on linux. HP was also very fortunate, in that their software is so functional that it's included in several linux distributions, Ubuntu included.

My nephew said you go into Costco to buy some cereal and walk out, $350 dollars later, with a cart full of everything, including tires for your car. So I naturally started there (online).  They had exactly one HP, which was the aforementioned color laser. Nope. Costco doesn't usually disappoint.

While I'm web-shopping, I noticed something... stores weren't listing small details, like price. Some had to be put in your 'cart' before the secret price would be revealed. Some were more complex and I give up easily. To prove my point, later that evening I did a search for a specific kind of juice, and that price wasn't  listed either. Juice. What the hell is wrong with these people?

My next step is where I used to live when they first opened... I won't say their name, because for some reason other people don't, so I'll tell you it rhymes with Breast Guy. BOOM, the HP printers popped right up. It was weird - they had prices listed. Not available in stores, this unit was probably being blown out at $99, as it was up to double that on other sites.  I did a compare of a few laser AIOs (all in one), as price was less a consideration than reliability and suitability.  I print something every other month or so, which isn't really a category to compare by. It turned out that the least expensive printer would be just fine. It's an awful shame this isn't the case with guitar gear.

Although this shouldn't be anyone's sole criterion for purchase, I checked the reviews. People are most likely to review something if they have a complaint, especially if you've ever had the misfortune to read Yelp. I was surprised to find a lot of great reviews and a few bad reviews, all pretty much the same. People liked the printer or they had trouble and hated the wireless setup. Since I'm a big shot network guy<tm>, this wouldn't be a problem for me.

The transaction was quick and pleasant, unlike any other transaction I have had on the web. I kept waiting for the internet to crash, but it didn't. I got a tracking number and it showed up when they said it would.

For some reason, I really didn't want to set it up. Who gets a new toy and doesn't want to play with it? I'll tell you who... the person who has to set it up first. I only knew this subliminally. Dammit if the reviewers weren't right: even a big shot network guy<tm> couldn't make the wireless function work. It's not that it wasn't user-friendly, it was user-HOSTILE. It also refused to set anything up until there was paper in it. Am I crazy for thinking it shouldn't need paper to set the wireless feature up?

My wireless network is set up very securely. So securely I almost had to take it  apart to get to it.  I need very specific info before I can connect anything wirelessly. Naturally the information was not available for this little bugger.  Going through the options on the face of the printer was an interesting feat.  The directions were printed out in four languages, fortunately, in case I preferred to read them in French, Spanish, or Portuguese (I think). Looking closer,  they basically gave a few quick steps, then referred to the User Guide, located at a web address. Just think of the money saved not printing a useful set of instructions. Just because you can get some backdoor software that works with linux doesn't mean there are any instructions for linux.

So I did what any short-tempered, ADD techie would do... I gave up and plugged the damn thing into my computer, with the INCLUDED usb cable. They used to charge you extra for them, causing many an unpleasant surprise when they opened the box after the stores closed. Linux recognized the printer and set it up. Yay! I told it to print a test page, which it promptly did. And by that I mean that it said it printed, but I checked the print queue and discovered it was sitting there, stopped, with no way to send it out for printing. I got all sorts of weird error messages, which I looked up, and discovered that people recommended reinstalling the HP software. I downloaded it and set it running, where it suggested removing the old software... yeah, ok. And it found the printer and bloody printed! I was shocked.

It printed very quickly, as lasers tend to. The print quality was great. This seemed to be just what I was looking for, wireless setup aside.

The printer came with a cd of software, Windows and Mac only, so most of you won't have most of these issues. Just for fun I tested the scanning function. From waaaay back, I remember that you have to use either a utility or graphics program and scan into it. And I did that. And it worked.  Beautifully and much quicker than I remember.

The fax function, which I really needed AT THIS MOMENT, was nowhere to be found. In fact, I noticed there was no jack in which to plug the phone line. What happened? I think the genius who purchased the printer somehow transposed the models that included wireless with the models that faxed. Or the printer only included fax capabilities if it was shipped on alternating Wednesdays, on a thirteen month cycle.

My situation is difficult and weird, so you will not experience the same variety of grief I did. You may experience different varieties of grief -  I don't know. I expect the wireless networking to be easier with software for your operating system, but I can't be positive.

The printer works well, quickly, and the print is nice. The scanner works quickly and accurately. The fax doesn't work at all, largely as it's not included on this model. Since scanning and printing work well, I think it's safe to assume that copying also works flawlessly (provided there's paper). HP no longer thinks hiding the power button is funny and has located it on the front of the printer, so naturally I had trouble finding it.

The printer does everything I want it to do.

If I get itchy, I'll give wireless networking another try. But I'll have to be damn itchy before that happens.

Unless it starts throwing random parts at me or the scanning mechanism breaks, I recommend this printer. For the price, you can't beat it.

(X)Ubuntu 17.04 Review

It works.*




























*STANDARD DISCLAIMER
I always hear about this or that Great Visual Improvement and Experience. I really don't care.  My 'experience' is so customized, I don't notice 'improvements'.

Having said that, it took about 20 minutes to upgrade, much like the original install. It was flawless. The only way I knew it was different was that a taskbar had a slightly different font. There's a new wallpaper (YIPPIE!). Of course, I might not be the one to judge - look at this damn blog.

It works. Might even be faster. Seamless.
I love Xubuntu.

The Unsatisfactory Crunch of Ladyfingers

A warm hello to my readers outside of the US. I hope you enjoy it here and stop by frequently.


Submitted for the sake of awareness and amusement, because none of us use iDevices: there is yet another lockscreen bypass. Long story short, don't use Siri. If that isn't an option, don't allow Siri access to the lockscreen. I've seen Siri's movies: trust me - you're not missing anything.

• Before we do our Happy Dance, this is satire.

Microsoft just joined the Linux Foundation. As a platinum member.  Which costs $500,000 yearly for dues (the price of one small cabin in the woods in Redmond).

I read about this yesterday and it has taken me this long to type it out. It may take me a longer time to fully digest it. MS already uses Ubuntu for its cloud-based big-data services. Former chief Steve Ballmer once said, "Linux is a cancer." Current ThermionicEmissions chief leftystrat says, "Windows is not an operating system, Windows is a virus." MS claims this will allow it to work closer with the open source community.

In other news, Lions have joined the Gazelle Foundation.

• President-elect Trump has asked his appointees to sign a pledge that once they leave government service, they will not lobby for five years. You don't have to like him, but this is a pretty good move. I suspect we'll see a few more. DISCLAIMER: As we know, I didn't vote for him.
• Speaking of president, there are quiet a number of people heavily invested in our election and its result. Yesterday I heard a Canadian stating that he was backing Trump all the way. I know a Brit and a Welshman singing his praises, as if they lived in the US. They were enthralled with his manner of governing and policies and said so. Most are anti-Social Justice Warrior, which might explain things.
• Here is a list of other people being considered for Cabinet positions:
• Janet Reno
• James Clapper
• Billy Mays
• Several parrots named Eric
• Pat Paulsen
• Milton Berle
• Paula Deen
• Tito Jackson
• Tracy Lords

Speaking of Wales, Cardiff Airport is getting a third bus stop! This is some interesting Welsh satire. I hope. You have to be careful with a language that has no vowels.

• Today's Word: gynocentrism
• Along with this Word is the story of a transgender woman, transitioned to a white man, who now is no longer diverse enough to be a college diversity officer. Never mind why colleges need a diversity officer.

For those of you who know someone who uses Faceyspaces Messenger, don't open "Photo_9166.svg" - it's ransomware. With that in mind, make sure you have a backup of all your data, phone(s) and computer(s), in case of something like this. Also DON'T CLICK ON ANYTHING. If in doubt, use the Law of WWlD - What Would leftystrat Do: nothing. Consider everything a potential problem until you can verify it, even from a friend. Put on your Security Hat and don't get caught with your data down.

• Betcha didn't know this: Women raping men are "merely expressing retaliation against men for enforcing rape culture"

I have had no end of fun at Kanye's expense. Now that he has had an involuntary commitment and psych evaluation, I hope he's ok. I hope he's ok for BigAss and the kids and himself. And so I can have some more fun at his expense.

• A Malawi man has been sentenced to two years hard labour for having unprotected sex while HIV-positive. This is even worse than two years hard labor.

A UK author is helping schoolchildren re-imagine (rewrite) Cinderella for a new generation, because it's sexist.  Let's see - Cinderella vs The Patriarchy. Her evil stepbrothers are keeping her down, so with the help of a group of online Social Justice Warriors, she busts out to run for Congress, which is a birthright of all women.  Her evil stepbrothers are forced to attend Any Old University, where they will be indoctrinated to the ways of Feminism and learn to hate all men, especially themselves. Cinderella meets a man but declines to propose marriage because she'd have white children and doesn't want to do that to the world. So she, with the help and sisterhood of Wonderful Stepsisters, runs for president, where anyone who doesn't vote for her is sexist.

Guess which part of the above has not come from real life...

• Wondering what to get someone else's kids for the holidays? You may want to avoid anything from Samsung (unless you really really hate kids). I suggest something that makes a LOT of noise. A xylophone, a set of drums, a plastic box that makes all sorts of random noises. Remember: the kids will love it and the parents will hate you forever. Win/win.

The use of chlorine weapons is suspected in Aleppo, making this year's Nobel Peace Prize a 3-way tie between Obama, Trump, and Bashar al-Assad.

• How to survive Thanksgiving:
• don't go
• get drunk well in advance
• everybody eats first, so they'll all be too tired to fight. Except Aunt Irma, who can fight in her sleep.
• Random Sporting Event and beer

Ubuntu 16.04 Incredibly Quick Review

I installed Xubuntu 16.04 (Exalted Xerces) shortly after it became available. The download was fast, the installation faster. There haven't been many installs or upgrades that ran over 20 minutes max.

Since I customize my XFCE environment, I tend to never see any graphic changes or improvements. In fact, there was very little change at all. There's some program called Maps that I didn't install.

And speaking of install, Ubuntu has wisely ditched the monolithically institutionally governmentally awful and slow Software Center. One could compare this to removing a benign tumor: it's only bothersome when you get near it. Any program that replaces Software Center has to be a welcome improvement.

And the main comment?  It works. No BS. No issues. No driver problems. No wifely yelling. Not even a Pet Problem.

This has been your Incredibly Quick Review.

With Leather!

So there's a Rebecca Black Operating System. It comes with a gun so you can shoot yourself.

• The wallpapers for Ubuntu 16.04 have been revealed. Because we don't give a shit about the operating system-we're only concerned about how it looks.

Apparently we've been playing Gershwin wrong for seventy years - the taxi horns are out of tune. The joke is on the horns, as nobody I know plays Gershwin.

• Clarence Thomas just broke a ten-year silence at the Supreme Court. He farted.

A Google self-driving car hit a bus in California last month. Twelve people sued SEPTA in Philadelphia for injury.

• In news no one saw coming, a top Vatican cardinal says senior clergy lied about child sexual abuse. I think the Catholic church has jumped the shark. They have proven time and again they cannot/will not clean their own house. Absolutely no offense meant to Catholics. 

In the interest of truth in reporting, it's very telling to note the crazed reporting of Donald Trump's Secret Service detail shoving a reporter to the ground. They seem to be conveniently ignoring the picture of the reporter grabbing the Secret Serviceman's neck first. If you need any proof of biased reporting... and Trump isn't my choice - I'm just pointing this out.

• Pennsylvania diocese knew of sex abuse for decades, grand jury says. Perhaps it's time to build a new Catholic church. The old one is riddled with child molesters and cover ups.

A British company will allow women to take days off during period. I can't decide if this is just plain silly or defamatory to women.

• How to get around Ebay's latest security vulnerability. If you're not interested in why and how, start about halfway though.

Ever wonder why tv shows and movies cover up logos? Wonder no more. I like it because I see less apples.

• Still undecided on November's election? I think I have the answer to your problems: Donald Trump and Charlie Sheen! Hookers and blow in the White House, out in the open. No more sneaking them in through the back door, a la JFK. Transparency! Make the Oval Office back into the Oral Office, as it should be. Isn't it time for beautiful women in the White House? 

Seventh Day Adventist minister and nearly inaudible presidential candidate Ben Carson has said "there is no way forward" for his campaign.  He did not say he was pulling out (if that's ok with Seventh Day Adventists), just that there was no way forward and he would not be doing the opening number at the next debate.

• The Department of Defense has invited hackers to hack the Pentagon's websites. What could possibly go wrong?

If you're into music, you should see the new movie Jaco. It's about the legendary bassist Jaco Pastorius and his influence on music. Just got done watching it - highly recommended.

I just want it to be this easy.

Xubuntu 12.04 Installed

Unable to contain my excitement and with the patience of a pregnant gnat, I decided to upgrade a machine (or two) to the latest Ubuntu: 12.04 [Porcine Paraguayan].  Before we go any further, I'm not sure this review is going to help you much unless you're a user of Xubuntu, like me.

Ubuntu comes in a few basic flavors: Ubuntu, the default; Kubuntu, with the KDE desktop; and Xubuntu, with the XFCE desktop.  KDE has a high Bling Factor and uses the most resources.  XFCE is a fairly lightweight, customizable distribution.  Plain old Ubuntu used to come with the Gnome desktop and performed somewhere in the middle.

Unfortunately the folks at Canonical (parent of Ubuntu) had a bit of an aneurysm (or a lot of crack) and replaced Gnome with Unity.  This is the most highly contested feature of Ubuntu.  It is arguably the most highly detested feature of Ubuntu also.  Unity started out as a simple interface for netbooks and progressed (regressed) to the Big Deal about 12.04.  It's the default and you're pretty much stuck with it.  It's very graphical and not very configurable.    Can you guess where I stand on the issue?


Using Xubuntu means I don't have to deal with Unity.  Since I have everything set up as I like it, upgrades don't look significantly different.  I get the nicer features and everything looks pretty much the same as it did before.  But remember, if you install Ubuntu from scratch, you'll get Unity.  If you install Xubuntu, you won't.

You might like Unity.
I don't.

The upgrade was pretty slow, as it is wont to be on the first official day of release.  I broke with tradition and did not install the beta version, which is usually quite stable.  After quite a few hours of downloading I was almost done, when the dog walked over to the laptop, stood on the right key, and canceled the upgrade.  He had no idea why I was screaming but he figured it must have been his fault.  Fortunately the upgrade process will continue more or less from where it was when it was interrupted.  Ubuntu:  now dog-proof.

The first thing I noticed was that the hiding panels hid all of the time, as opposed to the 11.10 and previous panels, which only hid some of the time.  This is a pretty good thing.  Thus far the laptop I upgraded is completely stable.

At work I upgraded a desktop quickly and painlessly, using the Update Manager.  Then I set about installing Xubuntu in parallel with Linux Mint Debian XFCE.  This failed miserably.  Spectacularly.  Repeatedly.  And continuously, until I remembered that I was unable to install Xubuntu on this brand new HP machine in the first place, leading me to try LMDE.  I even wiped LMDE but no luck.  Some web searching turned up others having similar problems, which seem to be related to HP's BIOS and the way it sees hard drives.  I called our HP rep, who has been too busy to find me an answer (for two months).  But this is not the fault of Ubuntu.

Another desktop got fouled up before the installation so I started from scratch, as opposed to an upgrade.  This too failed miserably.  And repeatedly.  The possible cause here was a previously encrypted HOME partition, which Xubuntu fresh install could not see or process, just leaving me hanging out there in Linux Space.

I was beginning to take this personally.

NOTE:  Always make your HOME partition separate.  This way if you need to reinstall, you'll have all of your data ready.

Another try got me a fresh install of Xubuntu 12.04 [Pregnant Peacock].  Then it froze consistently when I accessed the Screensaver control.  Finally I got everything working, probably due to a better video driver.   Do you drink at work?  I did.

After what seemed like twelve hours, I arrived home.  Eager for more grief, I decided to try upgrading my main laptop.  After at least two hours of downloading, I got an error and the entire installation stopped.  The error indicated there was a dependency issue around ncurses and I got past it here.

I am typing this on the aforementioned laptop, which seems to indicate that the upgrade was successful.  If you hear any screaming, it means there was a glitch.

SO WHAT'S NEW?

I have no earthly idea.  To be honest Xubuntu kinda sucks in the documentation department.  There's a menu item called IBus, which I clicked on, to no avail.  I was a little scared, as I try never to touch anything with an `I' in front of it.  As if you didn't know, it's a next-generation input framework.  Got it?

No matter how hard I try, I always seem to wind up with Pidgin and XChat.  I try valiantly to not select them or uninstall them, but like zombies, they come back and they're always there.   Same with the games.  Funny, OSes always come with games but no porn.  Guess which one is much more popular?

There is a menu editor.  Hopefully it's a new and improved menu editor because the last one came up when you clicked on it but was incapable of much else (kinda like Congress).  Apparently you need some sort of advanced physics degree to edit menus in XFCE and my degree expired last year.

Like the last release, the Ubuntu Software Center is front and center.  This is a real shame, as it seems quite slow, bloated, and useless to me.  But if it makes you happy, please use it.  I like Synaptic and sometimes the command line.

There are some important privacy controls I read about in Ubuntu but I have yet to locate them in Xubuntu.  I'll update you as I go along.

So for those of you playing along at home, the score is five total; with three successes, one user error, and one HP error.   I say go for it.


UPDATE-a few days later


I have upgraded or installed Xubuntu on most of my computers and laptops.  I haven't seen any glitches, although most of the installs were hampered by the ncurses issue mentioned above.  Shutdown feels faster, moreso than startup.  Don't forget to add Medibuntu to your repositiories after you upgrade, for all sorts of multimedia goodness.

AND FURTHERMORE.....


Do NOT encrypt your HOME partition.  As a security guy, I loved this option and selected it when presented.  When I went to mount my old HOME partition, I had to decrypt it.  It refused to decrypt.  After hours of research and trying, I now have gigs and gigs of encrypted data that I can't touch and seem to have lost forever.

Tiny Little Ubuntu Improvements

I like things the way I like them.  You probably do too.
(what an incredibly silly opening line)

I don't care if the entire universe is repulsed by the way I like my things: this simply indicates that the entire universe is wrong.

Take my operating system(s).  Please.
I prefer my operating systems without noise.  And when I say without noise, I mean not one single sound should be made unless I pushed a button to initiate the sound.  I do not want to hear BOING whenever I hit enter.  I do not need my email client to BING me whenever new mail shows up.  Nor do I require notification in the form of BUNG when a program wants input.   Lastly, at no point in my life would I need a sharp BONK to signal that my operating system has booted.


Let me make an abrupt, unscheduled left and tell you about my absolute favorite Xubuntu (XFCE desktop) setting.  SPLASH SCREEN: NONE.   I think this says everything about why Xubuntu is my linux distribution of choice.  You see, I don't need a splash screen.  Or blinky graphics.  Or transparent overlays.  Or compositing (whatever the hell that is).


My local linux users group (LUG) was discussing this very topic recently.  I weighed in on how I felt that unbidden sounds were heinous, bothersome, violence-provoking and morally wrong.  For once, others agreed.  (I'm simply not used to that.)

In every group, there's one.  In my LUG, there are at least two.  The other one forwarded me a link today on this very topic, titled Ubuntu 12.04: Now with Quieter Logins.  It would seem that after much sound designing and wringing of hands, the Ubuntu login sound has been disabled.

Can I get just a faint Yay! from the crowd?

Thank you.

One of the reasons for killing the sound (killing sounds so much better than disabling, doesn't it?) is that sounds were meant to signal when the operating system was finished booting.  Since real operating systems boot up pretty quickly these days (at least linux does), there's no need for a sound.

I couldn't agree more.

And in true linux fashion, the sound can be enabled if the user can't live without it.  The article did not specify if there was a doctor's note was needed but I don't want to speculate.

Yes, it's the little things.

P.S.  Do not, and I mean never, get me started on the Unity interface.

P.P.S.  The dog is starting to display a fondness for cherry eucalyptus drops.

Unity isn't Linux, Julie

Julie Bort, a writer I enjoy at Network World, just finished up two weeks using linux (Ubuntu, to be specific) and wrote a column.

Committing one's self to a new operating system fully for two weeks (she cheated a little) is a pretty brave endeavor for anyone and I applaud her.   Heaven knows I would not offer to use an operating system I have never touched before for one day, no less two weeks.

Julie's column at the end of the first week made use of the word pain.  Being a helpful linux person, I emailed some suggestions.  In the final column, she mentioned she "LOVED the way readers of these posts offered me suggestions on fixes and new stuff to try. There is so much good natured help on the 'net for anything you want to do in Linux. That's the beauty of it, and what keeps me coming back for more."


I don't think a more eloquent statement about linux has ever been uttered.  You simply don't find this sense of community among users of other operating systems.

Community aside, if you view her list of complaints, they seem to revolve around Unity, the desktop.  Unity is a rather polarizing new desktop which comes standard with Ubuntu these days (unless you download Kubuntu, Xubuntu, or other variants). You are not stuck with Unity; as with most things linux, you can go with what suits you best.  My choice is Xubuntu, which uses the XFCE desktop, a rather fast and lightweight choice.

I am one of those people who doesn't like Unity.  It first arrived in a customized Ubuntu for a netbook and I hated it immediately.  While I suspect it might be helpful for someone who has never touched linux, I simply replaced it with XFCE.

According to Julie's final column, there are apparently quite a few bugs in Unity.  Had she had used a different desktop, these issues would not have made the article, which might scare people away unnecessarily.

Not that there weren't positives expressed...

"I generally appreciated the sophisticated feel of Unity, compared to the "childish" but far more straightforward look of GNOME 2.3x"

On the other hand, this sounds like it came from a Mac user.

Good on ya', Julie, for the fair shot and interesting articles.

Ubuntu 11.10 Installs (so far)

I'm roughly two for three in this department today.  The three machines all had Xubuntu 11.01 and I used the update mechanism to update to 11.10 (Onomotopoetic Orangutan).

The three machines are an older dual core 32bit, a more recent, higher-powered dual core 64bit, and a netbook.

DISCLAIMER:  As usual, I must state that I am not normal and furthermore not a normal linux user (whatever that is).  The Unity interface can go suck eggs.  It is ill-conceived and does nothing for me.  The beauty of linux is that I can go and install a desktop I prefer instead.  Sort of.

Aside from download time, the 64bit machine went smoothly yesterday.  Not a hiccup.  The 32bit machine was a much faster download and only failed installing samba.  When I rebooted, it told me to go get samba to make the install complete.  Good job, guys.

When my desktop came up, I was happy.  This lasted up until the background reset itself to dark blue.  I checked the desktop settings and saw that they were correct (NOT dark blue).  I hope this is the worst thing that will happen.

The netbook was also a quick download.  When it finished, it rebooted and I had completely lost use of the touchpad.  Plus it set up the netbook interface.  Now I seem to remember that this was the original laptop install that I put XFCE on afterwards.  Unfortunately I can do little without a working touchpad.  Will try a USB mouse later, when I get more time.

The install deleted tsclient, the interface for rdesktop.  I have no idea why, but I reinstalled it.

Have I mentioned that I hate the Unity interface?

In addition to hating Unity, I'm not terribly fond of the Ubuntu Software Center.  They went overboard to make it prettier and now it looks like it belongs on a Mac.  Synaptic no longer comes with a standard install (but got retained during upgrade).  I do like the NEW feature - this has been missing since the dawn of time.

I am happy to say that at this point, there is no significant change from what I've been used to with 11.04.  The boot up may be a hair slower and the login screen is different.  Neither of these is a game-changer.

The rest of the reviews you read will no doubt be full of descriptions of the new, colorful screens.  I just don't do that stuff.

I will update you as I figure out more about the upgrade but thus far it's been just fine.  Go forth and upgrade.

 ----------

Edit:  I also upgraded my laptop, an HP4525 quad processor unit.  Smooth as silk.  The only ill effect thus far is that it changed the coloring on my terminal windows by itself.  Odd but livable.  My `hidden' setting on a menu bar doesn't work, but that's been quirky for a while.

Another Linux Recovery Success Story

Being the Computer Guy, I have a multitude of friends and relatives asking me for everything from advice to extricating them from sticky situations.

This one fellow just doesn't seem to get why his Windows machines slow down, lock up, and acquire virii.  By way of explanation, he has an AOL account.  If he asks me why, I start to explain and watch the poor guy's eyes glaze over.  It generally takes longer to explain it than to just fix it.

I have done a number of repairs for him, each time attempting to impart some helpful knowledge along the way.  And don't get me wrong; I am unnecessarily handsomely rewarded.  Last time I got a chilled case of Yoo Hoo and chocolate.

This time it was the home Windows box.  He tried everything to fix it but it kept asking to replace important Windows files.  When the system starts asking you for files in the SYSTEM32 folder, you're pretty much toast (without some slightly advanced tools, knowledge, or a geeky friend).

My task was to retrieve data from a few of the Windows profiles.  Apparently the machine was of no consequence after.  I might suggest installing linux if he doesn't have other plans.  At least it won't slow down and attract viruses.

So we already know the machine won't boot.  I pulled out my trusty USB stick that boots Ubuntu to perform the task at hand.  And, in typical fashion, I discovered that since this was an old machine, it was not able to boot a USB device.  It's been that kind of day lately.

Then it was time to locate a Windows rescue disc.  This would be the easiest task in the world for normal folks but I apparently fear being struck by lightning if I ever put something back where it belongs.  Plus I'm quite lazy and the discs might be a room or more away.

I did manage to locate an old version of Xubuntu on a CD so I figured I'd try booting that one.  I booted in live cd mode, which runs linux in memory and doesn't touch the hard drive.  This is very useful for trying out different flavors of linux without messing up your current operating system.  It's also useful for rescue efforts like this one.

I mounted the hard drive and tried to burn a cd but the drive was whacked.  The day was getting even more lovely.  So I picked up a large USB stick and transferred the files from the Window profiles on the hard drive.

I burned the files to a cd on my laptop and BOOM - DONE.

What have we learned?

1. Always look annoyed when someone asks you to fix their computer
2. linux live cd's and bootable USB drives get the job done
3. Live by Windows, die by Windows (or Mac)

Samsung Galaxy Tablet Review

I have been playing with a few tablets lately, trying to figure out where they fit in my bag-o-tricks.  At work we got a Samsung Galaxy (7") and a Motorola Xoom (10"), both through Verizon, our carrier.  My boss gravitated to the Galaxy and me to the Xoom almost immediately.

I don't care how much of an old wives' tale it is, size matters.  Upon first glance, there was simply not enough screen real estate happening for me on the Galaxy.

Fast forward some time and a change of carrier (T-Mobile).  I am loving my HTG Sensation 4G.  The phone is full of features and a real speed demon.  Unfortunately 4G is nowhere near as easy to pick up as top speed on the Verizon network, but we were expecting this.

I also received a Samsung Galaxy.  I would have preferred the upcoming 10" model but that's not what I got.  The Galaxy is a 7" model and only does 3G.  I can summarize the review thusly: it's a very large Android Phone.

I am intimately familiar with Android, which is a good thing.  I had the first Droid, which I mostly liked.  With reference to the Galaxy being a large phone, the one really weird thing about it is that a few of the programs from the marketplace (it uses all the stock Android apps) are sized for cell phones and thus don't take up the entire screen.  I guess the programmers have to put in an option for a larger screen (don't ask me - I can't program), which wasn't available when the phones first came out.

The device came with all the expected goodies: headphones, charger, and the obligatory special cable that converts the Galaxy to regular old USB.  I hate proprietary cables.  When looking for accessories, remember that there is also a Galaxy phone, so don't get them confused.  Your first purchase should be one of the shell cases with a kickstand.  You might also want some screen protectors and a spare proprietary cable.

Very important to me is performance and the Galaxy performs decently.  This is a slightly older device so it does not perform as well as the Xoom or my Sensation dual-processor phone, which is a little disappointing.  The manufacturers also need to get their stuff together with button placement: the Sensation and Galaxy have the Android buttons in different orders at the bottom of the screen.

The  audio is decent, although it could be louder.   The screen is very nice and, as usual, rotates.  It is not too heavy, although it probably could be slimmer.  None of these are deal-breakers.

There are five default screens, which seems to be a good number.  You can obviously make all sorts of changes to wallpaper and appearance, as you could with any Android device.  Remember that live wallpapers eat processor and battery more than static wallpaper.

It plays nicely with linux, which the Xoom didn't.  Just plug in and the device asks whether you just want to charge or appear to be a storage device..  Nicely done.

The wife and internal kids went nuts over the game selection.  She recently got a Crackberry Torch [the first was bad out of the box and the second seems to be headed in that direction too].  Although she enjoys the Crackberry, she really seems to be an Android girl, preferring the selection and instantly understanding the controls.

MANDATORY PRIVACY ALERT:

Like any other cell phone, it has all of the regular privacy-eating features, like GPS tracking, credential-remembering, and general tracking.  Some people find this convenient: I do not.  Do not be fooled by requests to divulge your location for 911 purposes: you can be tracked quite well by cell tower triangulation as it stands.

APPS:

No matter how many Android devices I have, here are my favorite apps:

• Timeriffic: set up profiles to control the device's functions by time of day and day of week - saves battery life by shutting off phone in the wee hours.
• Scanner Radio: listen to police and fire scanners, locally and across the world
• Xiia lite: listen to streaming radio stations
• Wifi Widget: turn wifi on or off with one button
• Opera: a great, fast browser
• World News: read news and feeds from all over
• Reason/Drudgereport/BBC News apps
• gStrings Free: my favorite guitar tuner
• Sparse RSS: no frills rss feed reader, imports .opml files from your main rss reader
• AndFTP/AndVNC/ConnectBot: ftp, vnc and ssh connectivity tools, cross-platform
• Maildroid: a decent email client which doesn't start by itself, like K-9.

 WELL?

The Galaxy 7" tablet is pretty cool.  As I mentioned before, it's just a very large cell phone.  What you can do with a very large cell phone is up to you.  I am experimenting with taking it to meetings for notes, although I prefer my Ubuntu-powered 12" netbook.  It definitely gets a lot of use at home, where the cell phone is too small and a laptop isn't handy.   You save a lot of time over devices that have to boot.  And everyone seems to love Angry Birds.

While I do like the tablet, I miss the Xoom's performance, OS, and extra screen real estate.  I do not miss the Xoom's not-ready-for-prime-time experience though...


Here's a minor niggle: every Android device I have used cannot tolerate recording at above voice levels.  Even acoustic guitar tends to distort the inputs.  I'd like to record my band but the sound is completely distorted.  As a coworker beamingly pointed out, his iDevice made a great sounding video - no distortion at all.

Uncommon Ubuntu 11.04 Review

As my old readers (and now my new readers) know, I'm a linux guy.  I've been using Ubuntu for over five years now, specifically Xubuntu.  I only use Windows in a virtual machine because I have to for work.  Windows does tend to behave much better in a virtual machine though.  Don't take my word for it; look at all of the Windows servers running virtually across the world.

Ubuntu tends to come in three basic flavors, reflecting only a different desktop: Kubuntu features the KDE desktop, Ubuntu features Gnome, and Xubuntu the XFCE desktop.  I listed these in order of resources required to run them.  KDE is full of eye candy and most similar to Windows.  Gnome is middle of the road but I just don't like it.  XFCE takes the least amount of resources, thus can run on the widest range of hardware.  And if you use XFCE on current hardware, it's that much faster.  While there are even lighter distributions (distros), these are the three main ones.

History shows that the Ubuntus are solid, reliable distros, so much so, in fact, that you can generally install the release candidate early, without having to worry about what it will do to your computer.


DISCLAIMER: as Ubuntu warns, do not upgrade production machines early.

I have been running Xubuntu 10.4 since it came out and I'm quite satisfied.  I decided to upgrade a machine to 11.04 (Nutty Nincompoop) to see what would happen.  In case you have been following the news about the early releases of Nutty,  you know there's a huge controversy over the new Unity desktop.  There is even grumbling over the new Gnome desktop.  Understand that regardless of desktop choice, the underlying bits are the same.  You can choose to run whatever desktop you like - you're not married to only what comes `in the box'.

My upgrade process took about an hour but your time will vary because of download and processor speeds.  Since I ran an upgrade, I did not have to deal with Unity, it simply booted right into XFCE from where it left off.  As for Unity, I used it in the netbook-optimized Ubuntu distro and hated it immediately.  It struck me as training wheels that weren't necessarily required but possibly would have helped rank beginners.

If you are upgrading plain old Ubuntu (Gnome), you'll boot into Unity first, then you can switch to Gnome. 

If you have a separate Home partition, make sure there is at least 2g remaining on the OS partition if you're doing an upgrade.  If you have way too little, it will warn you, but it never hurts to have too much.

I dumped Unity and went with standard Xubuntu on the netbook and never looked back.  It's supposed to be more efficient in terms of the screen but I found no advantage there either.  Unity seems like one of those times when someone had a `good idea' and it mistakenly made it into the product's final release.  In fact, no one I know has nice things to say about Unity.  But that's just my opinion: use it and decide for yourself.

SO WHAT'S IT LIKE?

You may well ask what it's like.

We just did.

And well you may.   When it came up for the first time, I noticed just about no difference at all from my former XFCE setup. It installed the Orage clock/calendar in a panel, which I removed.  That's about the only noticeable difference thus far.  Again, your mileage will vary with upgrade and desktop, but only with the express written consent of the National Women's Volleyball League.

I was so tickled that I upgraded another machine.   Again, remember that this is pre-release by a few days and don't do this to any important machines.   That said, there are no show-stoppers at all.  Everything works as it is supposed to.  There is a lot more included in Settings, which XFCE desperately needed.

Thus far I have not been able to locate a menu editor.  This is not a total surprise, as XFCE has had no practical way to alter menus in quite a while (that didn't involve dual degrees in quantum physics and string theory).

Thus far, the upgrade has gone the way most prior upgrades have gone: quickly, quietly, without grief, and largely not too different from its predecessor.

I'll have more as I use it more.

UPDATE:

I just updated a dual-monitor system and was very pleasantly surprised to discover that not only did Xubuntu detect the dual monitors, it had a few small panel settings to make things easier.  It has settings for transparency (which I will never use) and allows the panel to span more than one monitor.  Little things like this are welcome additions.

Not sure why it felt the need to remove Tellico, my favorite video collection manager, but I reinstalled it after.

I also discovered Broadcast Messaging, which is something that escaped me at first.  After a brief search, I discovered this is a setting to give social network status messages when you log into the computer.

Being the absolute head of the anti-social network, I found no use for this at all, even though it was enabled.  The day I need my computer to let gobs of people know I have logged in is the day I have stopped using the computer.

Your mileage, of course, will vary.