The Cost of Raising an Anvil in These Confusing Times

Your love is like  the anal probe during an alien abduction

• Libertarian Jo Jorgensen's running mate, Spike Cohen, just got a page in one of the world's smallest books: "Famous Jewish People Named Spike"

Halloween's coming.
I'm not exactly in the spirit, if it hasn't been canceled already.
Just in case, I'm blasting "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer". That should keep everybody from bothering me.



Dear lefty





There's been serious rioting in Kyrgyzstan. Some say it's over the Prime Minister, some say it's because they can't spell Kyrgyzstan, some just say Kyrgyzstan doesn't have enough vowels in it. Asked for comment, the Pentagon said it stood by its friends in Kyrgystan, and would send military aid 'because we cannot afford not to be there.'

• Once again I am steamrolled by the computer virus known as Windows. A program starts but fails to do anything. I have to reboot and it offers me the choice of updating and rebooting or just rebooting. I suggest the latter, knowing it doesn't matter, then it spends the next 15 minutes telling me it's Restarting. Then it's Getting Ready, Do Not Restart. Then it's updating, because I told it not to. This is the work box, as I'd never run that piece of horse manure on my machines. And naturally I'm late for work because of this. 12%. 30%. 3%. 92%. 45%. Finally it reboots. Well, it looks like it's rebooting. It tells the hard drive to make Rebooting Noises. In reality, it's just snickering at me.
• I told my boss' boss that the company should be using linux on the desktop. Turns out he uses it at home too. 
• Now we're 'Working on Updates' again. That little wheel thingie that runs while it keeps you waiting is designed to hypnotize you - "Windows is great. I love Windows. I will send Microsoft my firstborn. 
• It's BACK!  Now it's welcoming me. It's a very welcoming operating system. Now I can get into work.
• Oh, wait.. it has to Personalize my Settings.

The Philadelphia Police Department has been put on alert, by Mayor Jim "Illegal Aliens Matter" Kenney, to begin an unprecedented gang crackdown. He said the lawlessness has to end, and there will be no more drive-by shootings until every gang member in the car wears a mask.



Continuing on the Van Halen theme, very talented musicians are coming out of the woodwork to pay tribute to Eddie, and talk of his influence upon guitar and music. I hope they let him know before he took his final solo. Once again, if you admire someone, if they make you laugh, if you catch them doing nice things for people, if their talent bowls you over, tell them. You never know what effect you could have on them.


Microsoft is in mild doo-doo, after it said it would double its number of Black and African American bosses and senior staffers. The Department of Labor sent Microsoft a friendly letter, reminding them that this policy is potentially racist.
The home of Windows said they hired the right person for the job.

Sorry, guys, but you can't have it both ways. You can't wiggle out by saying you didn't say what you said. The policy is blatantly racist, as is promoting only women or any specific group. If you are at all interested in your corporation, it behooves you to only hire and promote the best, regardless of other criteria. Stop pandering and virtue signaling: you have enough to atone for, having unleashed Windows upon the world.

P.S. is there now a difference between Black and African American?

I learned hiring by watching and doing. I only hired the most qualified person. Guess what... we were an incredibly diverse department. Male, female, Ghana, black, white, Muslim, Chinese, Cambodian, pastor, Jewish, Christian, at all levels.



Russian interference in the upcoming election continues unabated, with reports of the sales of "The Importance of Fair Elections" reaching 15 copies. The book gets filed under comedy, because Putin thinks it's hilarious.



Filmmaker James Fox just released The Phenomenon, a documentary about ufos. I've seen his previous movies and I'd highly recommend it. The amount of VIPs in this movie is huge. Don't take my word - it's available for digital download. We'll be watching it.



Today I identify as  the catalytic converter in a 1978 Ford station wagon (with real imitation woodgrain sides)



According to a mainstream media article (that was not from Pr0nhub), the most popular category of video is incest. Wow, we certainly have come a long way..... I'm sure this says something about us, but I'll be damned if I know what it is. ThermionicEmissions needs a Staff Socioligist/Psychologist... the pay sucks, the hours are long, and the blog hurts your eyes, but at least the staff is unpleasant.

Naturally none of us watch that sort of thing, but can you just imagine the (alleged) plot? A little sister sleepwalks and does her stepbrother in her sleep. The brother hits his head and believes he is his sister's boyfriend? The siblings agree to play Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky in the Oral Office? Son convinces Mom he's Dad? Daughter starts her life of Daddy Issues, and doesn't understand why Mom is so upset?

Why can't these people watch clown porn? Double belly button penetration? People dressed in latex, shopping at the mall? Hamster pr0n. People in giraffe costumes, with wombats on their backs? You know, normal stuff.

Silicon City: San Fran - Silicone City: L.A.

If you have a dog, strike up the marching band and march to Dunkin. They have xmas ornaments for us bipeds, and dog toys for our quadrupeds. Penny got a cup of coffee and our cousin got a box of donuts. Penny likes real coffee, as did all the rest of them. It was well known in the family that if you put your cup on the ground, that was the dog's territory and you lost it before you knew it.



Your love is like  gonorrhea

• This rare bird is male on one side and female on the other
• the rose-breasted grosbeak degeneris 

Russian interference in the election continues: many people on social media are blaming the Russians for interfering.

• Ebay would like me to know that the item I won, which was going to take a week to arrive, will only take 3 days to arrive. From one state over.

Today I identify as  one of those things you put your soda can in to keep it cool




Some of the weirdest moments are when the serious Christians and lefty agree on something. By serious, I mean the very singleminded, devout ministry people who preach all over shortwave radio and are now talking about End Times. I heard they refer to 666 as 'the chip', putting numbers on your forehead.

666 just went online and according to these Christians, it's End Times.
I don't believe in End Times, but The Chip should be ringing everybody's alarm bells.
10 years ago, a scientist came across a technology that is so huge, DARPA immediately snatched it up: a Chip, that, when implanted, rewrites DNA, via mRNA. Read the article and decide for yourself.

• Security flaw left ‘smart’ chastity sex toy users at risk of permanent lock-in
• flaw or feature? 

Dear lefty

• The country is in a sorry state, with husband divorcing wife and people divorcing families over the election. What's your solution?
• divorce, although worth it, costs too much and takes too long. Give em guns 

Hellos

John Mellencamp
Kevin Godley - 10cc
Kevin Cronin - REO Speedwagon
David Hidalgo - Los Lobos (La Bamba)


Goodbyes

Eddie Van Halen
Johnny Rivers - "I can see clearly now"
Ginger Baker - Cream
Terry Lavitz - T. Lavitz, Dixie Dregs, Frogwings




When BLM started trashing their own neighborhoods and setting things on fire, I said we never see Jews rioting and setting their Mercedes on fire. I stand corrected...  The New York City Orthodox community had a wild protest over new Flying AIDS restrictions by Idiot Governor Cuomo. In certain places, houses of worship were limited to 10 people. The protesters were so incensed, they lit a fire, which the fire department had to come put out. Estimates say they caused over $5.95 in damages to the public trash bin on the corner. Jewish Lives Matter. NYPD called in SWAT, which deployed LRADs, tear gas, pork chops, and a busload of black people from the next town over, to shake their heads and say, "You call that rioting?"

Fun Fact: Louis Farakhan, 5x voted America's Favorite Antisemite, lives or lived in a wealthy Jewish neighborhood in New Jersey.



So it's Home Office Meeting Time again.  How do I know?
The droning of the power tools from across the street, the leaf blower next door, and the air raid siren for the fire department. Within 12 seconds, the mass transit train noise will start. You can feel it from miles away.

Along these lines, we continue to be bedeviled by our new wireless phone. The features we really looked forward to were that it would speak the caller's name and block numbers. The features worked, and by worked, I mean there was damn near a 25% overall success rate.  Blocking fails, period. It speaks the callers out with a 100% success rate, but the intelligibility is very close to 3%. Our only chance for success here is to be able to understand a syllable or 2 from the voice. We haven't found the speaking choices, but I believe the unit is stuck on a localized slang version of a Swahili-American hybrid, combined with what I believe to be a dead ancient southwest Mediterranean dialect. There's also a tinge of Spanish, discernible as the machine gun staccato speed of the words.

The unit also features a very neat function that wasn't even mentioned: it can throw its ring. No matter where we are, when it rings, we cannot tell where the ring is coming from. This includes when we don't know where the physical handsets are. The fact that we don't understand the announcements does not mean it isn't mocking me when it speaks.


And while we're on audio nuisances, I'm starting to get really angry about my phone ringing. You don't want to know what happens when I get really angry. Last time I scared Iqbal, my service elephant. Do you know how difficult it is to scare a service elephant?

My phone rings about 5 times a week: it's that way on purpose, so I don't get really angry. Lately it rings 10 times a day. And it's never a useful call. It's entirely spam because not a single one leaves a message. Most don't show up on public spam lists and a bunch are from certain exchanges. This is in addition to the democrats texting me unsolicited. I never thought I'd have to go to a system where the phone only rings if it's in my contacts, but it's rapidly heading there. One of the carriers used to offer a service that required all calls to input a code or go directly to voicemail, but that's not offered by anybody anymore. This would have the added benefit of making other people really angry, thus keeping my calls to a minimum again.

Iqbal says hello.

• I recently discovered I am middle class. It came as a bit of a shock, as people always tell me I'm low class.

Eddie Van Halen misc

I checked in with my local expert on cancer....
The spread of Eddie's cancer should not and normally would not go unnoticed. After an outbreak, there are tests to look for this, which will detect a spread. I have had 2 dogs that went through this. No one can say who dropped the ball, but it might have been dropped (whether or not it was curable).

Tributes
Eddie's interview in Popular Mechanics about hacking his guitars
Valerie Bertinelli and Wolfgang Van Halen posted heart-wrenching tweets on Twitter.

RIP EVH

Eddie Van Halen, guitar legend, died of cancer, age 65.

He had been battling throat cancer for years. He blamed it on the metal pick he sometimes held in his mouth, not his heavy smoking.

The man has his own chapter in the Book of Great Guitarists.
He did not invent, but popularized the use of finger tapping, where the player taps the strings on the fretboard, instead of using a pick.

Stop for a second and think about this.... your first love is music. You work hard and succeed beyond your wildest dreams. You are now rich and famous, doing what you love most. As if that weren't enough, your fans are positively rabid. Lastly, and largely, you become a certified Guitar God. You may not feel like one, but you've just joined the company of Jimi Hendrix, Jimmy Page, Jeff Beck, and others at the top of the guitar mountain. He seemed to get his head through the door without difficulty. Can you imagine a better life? In 100 years, his name will still be popular for his contributions.

His tone was legendary, as were the tons of stories about what he did to his Marshall amp to get those tones. My research showed a small diode or 2 across an aftermarket master volume control. Eddie's name appeared on his own line of guitar amps, guitars, and accessories. Tip: buying his equipment ain't gonna make you sound like him, anymore than buying that makeup is going to make you look like that model on the cover of the magazine.

First album was in 1978 and there was no looking back. Album and huge video success too, in my mind, due to made-for-video frontman, David Lee Roth. Singers changed, there were vacations, and finally, his son Wolfgang joined on bass.


I wasn't a die-hard fan; I enjoyed the music, his playing, and his tone for what they were. No denying his legendary status. One of the greatest things to watch was the way he smiled and how jazzed he was to be doing his thing.  Sometimes I wonder what I want to be and do when (if) I grow up. It will involve my guitar and that kind of happiness (just not so much fame).


The man lived a dream.


Play on



Additionally,
RIP Peter Fonda, 79, from lung cancer.