Existence is Futile [Borg updated]

Hey, how bout those Teslas..  The Teslas that every owner just got locked out of, with an "Unknown Error."  Customer Service lines are melting. Nobody knows. Unless you have the key card and fob, you're fsckd.

YouTube will be fined up to $200 million over COPPA investigation.
Staff in an uproar - that's the weekly toilet paper budget for the Executive 
Lavatory.

In a race with the government and Google for most evil, Faceyspaces now has facial recognition for all users. Fuck yourself with a molten ingot.

Headline: Yahoo email users logged in to discover email was broken.
Real Headline: People use Yahoo email.

Google's spellcheck for bloggers is broken. Please excuse any errors (I read the first word or two of every other paragraph, so I'm not much help).


A mid 1800s (People's Republic of) California law criminalized able-bodied people not helping the police when requested. The governor struck down the law.  This goes nicely with the other governor who governed that no one should assist ICE in their sanctuary city. I'm trying to get our governor to decriminalize bank robbing and online bank hacking. And those really interesting adult businesses on the edge of town....

A different governor noted that hurricanes and fires are getting worse, but he's happy with what his party's doing (D - DisneyWorld).  The next presidential debate will note this climate change and officially blame Trump.

• Hurricane Dorian hit Florida. Both were moving at 8mph.

Dear lefty

• What's today's gripe?
• Those guys I hired apparently didn't 'modify' your brake cable

Lefty guitarists, this is your once in a lifetime chance!
For only $399, you can buy a PRS Private Stock.... case.  I love ebay.

• The brave protesters in Hong Kong have won: the extradition bill has been withdrawn. They fought for freedom, using American inspiration and slogans. We fight for more kitty picture on Faceyspaces.

Major automakers have agreed to equip nearly all US vehicles with systems to remind motorists of passengers in the back seat, in an effort to avoid deaths of young children left behind in hot cars.  Congress never met a topic they couldn't 'fix' with legislation. How long til it alerts the authorities?

• Joe Biden had a press op at a Dairy Queen. He ordered a Whopper.

• Seth Ator, the man accused of killing 7 people in Texas, was already barred from purchasing firearms due to mental disability.
• He had also been calling police and the FBI for years, leaving incoherent messages. It's almost as if they weren't doing anything on purpose....

No thank you, I'd rather pull bugs out of my cereal

• Best Tweet: If you think an AR-15 is too dangerous, you should check out the MK-Ultra.  @beinlibertarian

I think one of my credit cards is having a good time at my expense.
They send me ridiculous emails every day, with some magic offers, none of which are relevant, and none I want to receive. To make matters worse, they put stupid little graphics on the subject line. That alone merits punishment. Nobody puts emojis or whatever the hell they are in my email program.

So I showed them. Last week I went to their site and opted out from all their ridiculous emails. Then they showed me, by emailing garbage, as if I hadn't opted out. This morning, furious at the invasion of my mailbox (yes, before I took my meds), I went BACK to the site and again opted out of everything. HA!

When I got back from that, there was another email in my inbox. With an emoji. They have one week to fix this, before I have them strung up for spamming their customers. I will also have their pets adopted out to other families, and replaced with ostriches. Their blenders will all fail, and they'll have nothing but hand mixers. And their internet will all be G-rated. Do not mess with me.

• 20 members of Boris Johnson's Conservative party have voted against him to prevent the UK from leaving the EU without a plan in place. They want a swimming pool.
• Boris' plan to suspend UK Parliament ahead of Brexit is lawful, a judge in Scotland ruled.  Emboldened by the news, Boris will be firing all of his opponents.

Coworker Follies

ME: can you find the Bob List?
HIM: what's a Bob list?
ME: a list with 'Bob' in it. I'm assured it exists.
(5 minutes later)
HIM: found it. Would you like a screenshot or should I share my screen?
ME: (starting to shake head violently) Just tell me where it is, please.
HIM: it's in the Jimmy Box - go here, ask it for everything, and there you go.
ME: How does asking for everything give you the Bob List?
HIM: Ummm.. it just does.
ME: (looks, yells, removes paint from walls) Ok, send me the screenshot.
HIM: Here you go.
ME: Thank you. Now where on this screenshot is the word 'Bob'.
HIM: No, there's no Bob on that list.
ME: THEN WHEN DID I SPEND THE LAST 10 MINUTES OF MY LIFE WITH YOU 'finding' SOMETHING that doesn't show WHAT I ASKED FOR?

At least he's consistent... he consistently aggravates me by consistently answering questions incorrectly.

One hour later....

HIM: Hey - I found the Bob List! It's here. I can get to it.
ME: do you plan on sharing it with me or did you just want me to know you found it?
HIM: It's easy.
ME: I remain in a waiting state. (eyeballs banging into each other)
HIM: hit the arrow button on the top left, next to the logo.
ME: pretty neat - let me give it a shot
ME: (searches around, cannot find an arrow) Ummm sorry, I don't have an arrow
HIM: I'm 5 steps ahead of you. I sent you a screenshot. (nothing if not disorganized).
ME: the arrow up top
HIM: yes!
ME: on the screenshot, you circled the arrow button up top... the BACK button on the browser.
HIM: Yup - it worked.
ME: You're telling me to hit the BACK button to make the Bob List come up.
HIM: Yes!
ME: We used to get vaccines so we didn't have people like you.
(5 minutes later)
HIM: I can't repeat this reliably.


Work is fun... we have these surveys... we are encouraged to fill them out. I enjoy filling out surveys, in the way I enjoy getting getting checked for.. whatever it is they're checking for when the doc puts his finger up your butt. This is made easier by the surveys being voluntary and anonymous. Yup, 100% voluntary. Right up til they notice I haven't filled it in and they contact my boss. Please do not deluge me with requests for job applications.

• The dog has been quiet all morning, in her yard. This is odd. If she barks, she comes inside, so as not to annoy the neighbors.
• Hours later, I go to the bathroom and have a seat.
• BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK

Heroes of the Stupid

My behavior in bed is atrocious. Stop - this is G-rated.
According to a reliable source, who isn't the dog, I am quite entertaining. I start with Mattress Dancing, where I twitch, jump, and roll. When the warmup is done, I get to the main show: laughing, cursing, crying, and punching. I am horrified that I punched my wife.  When I wake up, I'm given a review of my performance: "I'll give it two fists, Bob."

No matter when or how I call my wife on the phone, I don't get through. If I text, she texts back, forgetting that it takes from an hour to 3 days for it to reach me. When I mention this, she says "Ida know..."  Reflecting on this, maybe the phone and the punching are subconscious.



SJW Stunts


Kansas university faculty wants Chik-fil-A banned from campus for fears of 'safety' and 'mental well being'. They believe the chain violates "safety and inclusion"  When do these people have time to teach?  Oh.

Council member says cleaning feces off Seattle streets with a power washer is racist.  It's getting worse when these headlines go under SJW and Stupid.

Porsche is making a leather-free version of its new Taycan electric sports car in the latest attempt by a German automaker to play up green credentials as environmental activists lobby for a boycott of the industry.  Then all the SJWs will buy a Porsche!

Well, mine is...

Artificial? Yes. Intelligence? No.

I was listening to some radio the other day. It briefly mentioned weather control. Weather control exists and has existed since the Civil War, when the combatants realized all that gunpowder going up to the clouds caused it to rain. Weather control is certainly one reason why the weather is so unbelievably messed up. The east coast seems to have more clouds than sun. I'd study it scientifically, but I don't need that kind of depression. Other explanations include climate change, global warm showers with massage, and the hot air coming from the White House for the last 50 years.



Dear lefty:

• What's eating you today?
• You.

• I want to recommend this blog to a friend. How would you describe it?
• Hostile to democrats. And republicans. And Social Justice Workers. And the Stupid. And tv, the outdoors, mowing, Dear lefty questioners, and moving from the couch. Come to think of it, ThermionicEmissions is hostile to most things. This is all care of the CEO of Sarcasm.  How could you go wrong? 

Things are getting interesting-er in the UK.

One of the frontrunners, Boris Yeltsin Johnson, of the Very Silly Hair Party, keeps refusing to show up. He didn't show up for Trump and now he won't show up for debates. There was also some sort of fracas with his girlfriend, and the police were called. The press said his personal business is his, then gave his girlfriend's name, the police officers who came to her home, and what she was wearing.  America, let's get those Boris Balloons ready!

In other news, US news said Trump's personal life is his business, then the entire crew laughed so hard, they had to go to commercial. When they returned, they still had tears rolling down their faces and tried, unsuccessfully, to not laugh during other stories. 

• 68% of the people are worried about climate change. They vow to do something about it, some day, but only if it doesn't include the parts that affect flying, manufacturing, cars, and trucks. Other than that, they're quite motivated.
• Science is being done on this problem by looking into other things that are cleaner than coal, like burning politicians instead. This will fail miserably, as there's no substance there. They don't burn long. Or so I hear.

After walking around a mall with Mrs lefty, my legs started to hurt all over. It's obvious to me that I need to spend more time on the couch.

• Bernie Sanders says "It's not appropriate" to deport illegal aliens that don't follow the law in the US.
• Change is inevitable, but imagine your grandfather's reaction to a socialist running for president, who doesn't think it's appropriate to deport lawbreakers.

I pick on Dog the Bounty Hunter mercilessly, for obvious reasons.

His wife, Beth, has been admitted to the hospital and is in a medically induced coma. She has had multiple cancers but there is no information on the current admission.

ThermionicEmissions wishes her best of health and peace to her family.

• Wanna learn more about browsing and privacy? Wired has a very good, human language description of desktop and mobile browsers and their privacy features.
• Walmart and Amazon want to look inside your house and keep video notes.

A Las Vegas professor shot himself in the arm to protest Trump.

This would be the second person to shoot themself over Trump. There probably won't be any calls for gun control over this, as these are the people who are calling for it.

Meanwhile, the White House is bridging the divide by giving out free guns to its enemies.

• Thailand's Wild Boars soccer team marks its first anniversary of going missing in a cave and their subsequent rescue.
• Some removed the roof of their house, some won't leave the house, and most won't bathe. On the bright side, you never have to wait in line to go cave exploring.

The Mars Rover has discovered high levels of methane.

We now know that the Martians fart a lot - global warming is coming to Mars! 

• After the tv series Chernobyl, people are flocking there for tours and taking selfies.
• P.T. Barnum is in hysterics from his grave. You will never go hungry, overestimating the stupidity of people. Because you can't.
• Buoyed by opportunity, tours are planned for Fukushima, Three Mile Island, and the underwater caves in Thailand. There is light at the end of the tunnel: these people will die sooner.
• Just announced: (highly) discounted tours to the Dominican Republic, where you can take selfies with in-room microbars.

So, how about that climate change?

One immediate reaction is moving toward zero emission vehicles. In English, this means electric cars. Most sane carbon-based lifeforms agree that zero-emissions is a good idea. I'm not a scientist (or ballerina) but what about the electricity to run and charge these cars? I suspect it's not zero-emissions. What about the batteries - how long will they last? What do we do with them when they fail? How much will it cost to replace them? These are some valid questions we haven't seen addressed in the mad rush to sell and purchase electric cars.  

I drove a hybrid for a few days and liked it. I'd buy one, but I don't trust batteries, per the above questions. The adjusted miles per gallon figures aren't that impressive, though. Battery technology continues to improve but I have a feeling we're too early in the process and will get bitten at the back end (in the back end).

SJW News

Article:

"How can our future Mars colonies be free of sexism and racism?"

CNN:

A black, transgender and disabled model just landed her first major magazine cover.  

Saw this on Twitter:

1919: “Work is tough: I had to be recruited to work a job in the munitions factory handling TNT and other poisonous substances without appropriate protective clothing, because the job was vacated by so many men who had to leave to fight in a world war”

2019: Vice Magazine: Work Sucks, Especially When People Get Your Pronouns Wrong.

Pronouns for multiple personality disorder:

You (plural but NOT singular), they, them, all youse