Youth in Asia

Your love is like   pickled Brussels sprouts

Mr. President, what's happening with these Top Secret files at 2 of your places?

Top Secret? They told me I could color with my Top Secret Presidential Crayons. Wow, that was a whopper, wasn't it? What's the name of that memory pill - I forget.

Today I identify as  dust (in the wind)

Chuck E. Cheese still uses floppy disks in 2023, but not for long

Won't it change the flavor of the pizza?

When I die and go to hell, it will be a Check E. Cheese. Screaming children and inedible pizza. They won't even have to change anything.

• Ok, so I was young once. Naturally curious, I wanted to know what Youth in Asia was.
• To this day I get in trouble when I ask about a massive Christian burial.

Conversations with my dog 

Me: Why do you always sit on my lap?

Her: Well, the sofa's more comfortable than the floor, and your lap is more comfortable than the sofa. And I have abandonment issues.

Me: I see. Why do you always lock radar on Mommy when she's eating?

Her: She drops stuff and doesn't pay attention. When she gets distracted, it's MINE. When it drops, it's MINE.

Everybody has their famous crush. I have too many. My current one is Julie Grant, of Court TV. She's so sweet, even Mrs. lefty likes her. I'm trying to set things up so when Wife goes to visit people overnight, Julie will be my babysitter. 

Speaking of CourtTV, I walked by myTV and heard a judge saying something about not going over the penis issue. STOP. Reverse. Large banner across the bottom of the screen says "The penis issue." It must be ratings week.

If you're feeling down and think the universe has it in for you, it could be worse; you could have an unexploded grenade in your chest. Poor Ukranian soldier found he had a parasite. He figures maybe he should go to the hospital, for a more informed opinion.

Hi, what seems to be the problem?

Unexploded grenade in my chest.

[yells at someone we can't see] Great. ANOTHER unexploded grenade. Ok, Sir, take a seat.

Ummm.... I have a grenade in my chest. It could go off any minute.

I understand. What you need to understand is that we have 8 chest grenades, 3 rocket propelled grenades, and 2 rectal grenades in front of you. Now if you'll sit over there in the waiting room, we'll get to you as soon as we can. The seats on the left have extra padding - but don't just drop yourself into one. 

[to self] Wow, this healthcare system is even worse than England's.

Sergeant Midviev, the doctor will see you now.

Thank you.

Hmmmm.... what do we have here?

Well, Russians were shooting at me and I seem to have a grenade in my chest. 

Hang on, hang on. You can't just walk in here and tell me you have a grenade in your chest. I went through 17 years of medical school, and I'll make the diagnosis, thank you.  Let's see..... hmmmm.... ahhhhh... oh. Sergeant Midviev, it seems you have an unexploded grenade in your chest. Say, don't you guys have field medics? I think it would be more appropriate to have one of them take care of this. Besides... my bomb-proof operating gown is at the cleaners. Nothing turns patients off like a bloody bomb-proof operating gown.

Doctor, this is above their pay grade.

Are these the same medics who sent me the rectal grenades? Are you sure you don't have a rectal grenade?

Pretty certain, yes. Why don't you try an xray?

Hey hey hey now... do I stand next to you and fire guns at Russians? No? Then don't tell me how to do doctor stuff.  NURSE - get this man a chest xray. Try not to jiggle the gurney or go over any bumps in the floor, ok? After that, get a psych consult. I think he has Explosive Personality Disorder. Sergeant, put this gown on. It has no back, and very little front. You can only wear these in the hospital. If you wear this near a school, you'll go to jail, which will make you long for a mere unexploded grenade in your chest.

lefty's tips for the day 

• Do not point anything at the police. In fact, do not carry anything that you can point at the police - let's say nothing smaller than a car. If you're black, stay inside. This does not mean your door won't be broken down because someone can't read a warrant and they're in the wrong house; but if this happens, do not point so much as a spoon at them. Also, put your body over the dog. They shoot dogs. 

• If you have an urge for a 'deal' on a 16TB SSD, stop right now. There are a bunch on Amazon, with a ton of fake reviews. They've been tested to be 64GB microSD cards and some code that fools the computer into thinking it's 16TB. Amazon doesn't seem to care about the fake reviews.

It was late. I was tired and hungry. My patience, such as it was, was already in the negative numbers. So obviously, there was nothing to do but go to Walmart. I don't go to that place for many reasons, among them facial recognition, surveillance everywhere including the parking lot, and their steadfast refusal to hire cashiers. I haven't been there in a while, so I was surprised to see all the other businesses inside.. it was like its own city. Creepy surveillance city. With poorly-dressed (if dressed) customers. We had only gone for one errand, so I naturally headed for the car once it was over. Hahaha. very funny. Wife wanted to shop. This was not good. My back was already starting to complain, using short, very nasty words. I had to work hard to keep those words inside. It was then I noticed, after all these years, that Wife does not just shop. Wife runs a narrative.

Do you need any of these?

[a kind, fair question]

No.

[a succinct answer, not inviting further discussion, so we can MOVE ON to the next item]

I was thinking of getting some for my mom, who always complains she can't find them but maybe I'll wait til I go to CostCo. Yeah, Mom uses them a lot. My sister uses a lot of them too, but she lives kinda far away and has her own stores at which she can shop. Do you know what you want for dinner?

Look up. Do you see that huge display and sign "You're being watched"? This really annoys me. The condoms are locked behind glass, as is the shaving cream. My back is really starting to hurt. Can you just........ SHOP? I don't want to be rude, but this will all be over much faster if you shop with your hands and not your mouth. Not being stupid, I said this from the next row over.

Walmart also subscribes to lefty's Rules of Shopping: if I want it, they don't have it. Is Raisin Bran so incredibly popular they can't keep it in stock? Supply chain issues? Oh wait - here it is! Oops, that's Raisin Bran crunch. What kinda crap is this? If I wanted my Raisin Bran crunchy, I'd throw some potato chips in it. Whose brilliant idea was this. Wait - I think I see a box of real Raisin Bran in the back, behind the 40 cases of Crunch. I'm overdue for a box of Chocolate Frosted Flakes - nope. I knew not to bother trying to find Chocolate Frosted Flakes with Marshmallows from Lucky Charms. Or perhaps that particular variety only lasted the 2 weeks I bought it. It was damn fine cereal. Certainly better than Deep Fried Chocolate Sugar Bits, my usual breakfast.

My back is getting worse by this time. I'm emitting sighs and moans, mostly of the unintentional variety. I attempted to make my point known a little better: "GODAMMIT, can we get out of this hell hole? If we don't leave soon, I'll have to go out on a stretcher." I didn't succeed in shopping faster, but it kept the narrative down to 5 minutes per aisle.

Then, the worst happened. We had to check out.

I hadn't seen their new setup. They took the 37 checkout aisles, left 2 checkers, and installed 123 self-checkout machines. I guess the Walton family couldn't afford to pay the humans. I refuse to use self-check; it's time consuming, broken, and I'd rather see a human (or whatever they hire to run the registers). Since there were exactly 2 checker lanes, both were backed up 27 people. I still would've waited, but Wife gave up and went to self-check. By the end, there was a stack of things the machine would not recognize. We left them there. I was already in the car, praying for ibuprofen, soda, or the sweet relief of death. 

So yeah, it wasn't a good night to go to Walmart, as if there were such a thing. Wife, being a bright lady, made a Command Decision: whenever there is shopping to be done, make sure I'm on the couch, with a beverage and snacks, laptop plugged in. If she's lucky, I won't even notice she's gone. She can then shop unmolested. She can carry on a complete conversation with the canned vegetables and they won't utter a word of complaint. On the bright side, it keeps other shoppers from interacting with her in any way. Sometimes, just to torture me, she calls while she's shopping, claiming she's calling to see if I need anything. The truth is that she just runs the narrative on the phone, so I still get stuck with it. Thank goodness phones have a speaker function, so I can put it down somewhere and do important stuff. I don't have to say much... just wait for any pauses and say "Um hmm. Great. Thanks." until she hangs up. It's a very subtle form of torture that even the United Nations won't talk about. 

I tried. Really. I behaved pretty well (for me) for the first hour or two. I just forgot that picking up 'a few things' usually takes hours and requires a front-end loader rental from U-Haul. 

Tesla staged 2016 self-driving demo, says senior Autopilot engineer

I like, or at least appreciate Musk. I don't know if he has psych issues, but I know I couldn't release a car that could kill people. The video was heavily edited. Once again: Not Ready for Prime Time. And like most of what I type, nobody listens. And now, back to The Cloud.

The UK wants to jail executives of companies who fail to protect kids online.

On its face, it looks good. You can pass any law you want if you say "It's for the children." One layer deeper, it becomes ridiculous. They go far out of their way to Nanny their citizens. Watching children is the job of the parents, not the state. We're big boys and girls. Nobody - NOBODY should censor the net. I'm sure the UK has a KILL switch for the net. I know the US does. If our friends in DC decide you don't need to know anything in an 'emergency', they hit the switch.

 On the other hand, it would be hilarious to see Lord Zuck hauled off to prison.

While we're on the UK's Nanny State, let's go to Canada!

In Canada, it should be Dry January all year round, according to new national recommendations that say zero alcohol is the only risk-free approach..

 Ok, they're technically correct and it's only a recommendation, but look how well it's working in the US. They claim any alcohol at all is bad for your health. I remember hearing that wine has (tanins?) something that's really good for you. Fortunately I don't live in Canada. I live in the good old USA, where alcohol, tobacco, and Big Pharma run things.

Does Drinking in Your Home Office Make You Drunk at Work?

 

What about having sex on your office desk?

Try it out and report back, please.

Your love is like  ground beef with blue hair growing on it

It was almost worth pulling over to take a picture..

The liquor store, with the flashing advertising sign that said Ready for School? 

Like many, we have 2 cars: 1 for her,and 1 for the dog.

No, wait, 1 for her and 1 for her.

Hang on, 1 for her and 1 for me.

2 for her but the 1 she's mad at for me. That's it.

We have a long, wicked history with cars. 1 had over a dozen minor accidents with Mrs lefty at the wheel: none her fault. I watched people come out from nowhere to hit her. My dad gave us his sentimental car, which started every day and was just fine as long as you didn't like to accelerate faster than a lawnmower or have air conditioning. Air conditioning season was made more interesting because the driver's window didn't come down. I gladly drove this car to work because it started. Mrs lefty would go to great lengths not to drive it. One day I found her digging up the back yard for an underground entertainment center for the block, when I finally asked her what was up. "It scares me." 

The first week, some asshole dented it. Then it stopped 'just starting' and even Dad couldn't figure out why. It sat in the drive until we saved enough to fix it. Unfortunately we never figured out how much this was because a tree fell on it, smashing 2/3's of the lucky sentimental car. You cannot be seen driving to work with a just starts car in which only 1/3 is roadworthy, although this isn't such a great problem in many parts of Philly. 

Dad was not amused.

When it became clear Dad was not going to be driving anymore, they gave us their  next car, which has been in the family since 1863. It was made for exactly 1 year, by a non-car company that thought it was a good idea at the time to build cars. At the end of that year, they packed their gear, screamed, and ran off to Acapulco, vowing never to make anything with tires ever again. Their factories went back to making vacuums. It begins with an S, I think. Subaru, Suzuki, Schism, Saluki, I just can't remember. I have to avoid asking for insurance quotes because I just can't remember. I froze up last year, when they wanted not only the make, but the model. G-Bus, these people are killing me - isn't Saluki good enough? How many models did Saluki make in the single year they made cars? That's a lot to make an owner remember.

So the Saluki went in her name but nobody remembers why. It has no value and we don't drink. Every now and then she'd call with bizarre complaints, where the car would start hiccupping, snorting, losing power, and claiming to be Beyonce. We asked every member of the family, including the dead ones, what these things meant. Nobody knew a thing, and I didn't want to be the one guy on the block whose car thinks it's Beyonce - it gets no royalties, so I don't want to hear no shit about who it thinks it is. Guy down the block's car thinks it's Jen Aniston and it has so much green it gets repairs even before anything breaks. You'd never know it was over 50 years old, lawdy. Last family member said the tire light was always on, but that was only to let us know it had tires. Somebody else said the engine light was always on, and I guessed out loud that it was to remind us it had an engine. Alas, no, it was to let us know to pick up a spare engine, if we ever drove past certain vacuum factories. The other one told us the engine light never came on. Mrs left was not impressed. Further not impressive was the fact that none of this ever happened to me when I drove it. She thought maybe the car (or the family) was having a bit of a laugh at her expense. This was her fatal mistake: she is hilarious enough in her everyday life not to require Car Hijinks. So even though this car is legally hers, she refers to it as 'the Saluki."

This car did not come with a great invention of mine, as no other cars on the planet do: a pizza slot, preferably heated. You've all had to transport pizza, hopefully not across state lines, and you go to put it on a seat which isn't level, so the cheese all slides to one end. If you had a pizza slot, you would simply slide the pizza in, set the temperature for Transport, and be certain it would be as-new when you got to your destination. For a few hundred extra, you could have some Pizza Scent wafting through the car, whether or not you were transporting pizza. Yet another Billion Dollar Idea.

So the one-sided cheese pizza and I are stopped in a left-hand turning lane. We watch a car go through the intersection on the other side, stop 100' past, and start to reverse back on this busy road, eventually doing a 180 and disappearing somewhere. I was most impressed, the pizza was flipped out. As I made my left turn, I was stopped by a car just sitting there, on the wrong side of the street. Yes, it was the Great Reverser. It had been a very impressive night - even the pizza wasn't prepared for this kind of excitement.

As I got closed to my destination, the car had no power and the engine light came on. Yeah, this was just like Mrs lefty described. I'm sorry - where was I?

Today I identify as  the winter glove with no mate. It was there last year and all through the summer...

So I called Mrs lefty, both to tell her that she wasn't imagining things (well, those particular things), and that she should stand by, in case she had to come rescue me in 'her' car. I called her on her phone - no answer. I called her on the landline - no answer. This is a continuing thread. I thought I could never get in touch with her because she simply didn't want to talk to me - it was an honest, straightforward issue. But no, it's everybody who needs to talk to her. Working from home, I've been able to watch this. The moment she walks into another room, her phone rings. If she goes to let Penny out, the phone rings. If she's on the phone, the phone rings. If she takes a nap, the phone, that she leaves near me, rings. Continuously. Then the alarm she set to wake her from her nap rings. On the phone she left near me, not by the bed. I know if Satan Himself, or his earthly representative, Dick Cheney, was about to eat my soul and I got 1 phone call first, I'd tell him nah - enjoy your snack.

I pondered installing a beeper in her intestines, but knowing her, she'd change intestines on the day I needed to get in touch.

• Have you ever had a family member delivered by the police?
• Leave the story in the comments
• Mine started KNOCK KNOCK - Police. Is she yours? Do you want her?
• [confused] I guess this means she's not upstairs napping.

Heard online: the NSA is the only part of government that actually listens to you

• Famous 9-11 prevaricator and Trump stooge Rudy Giuliani turned up infected and was rushed to the hospital. We expect to find out what he's infected with any moment now...

Dear lefty  

• Should I go shopping in person this year? Is it safe?
• absolutely. Go out, take video, and don't wear your mask. I need some holiday cheer.

• A robot is now making Jamba smoothies in a California Walmart in less than 3 minutes
• Spokesperson for Walmart said robot would not be hired full time until it screws up at least 65% of orders.

Hey, whattamI, chopped liver? 

The Bad News: Penny ate the entire container of chopped liver

The Good News: she didn't touch the crackers

The Other Good News: the container is perfectly clean and free of chopped liver

Doctors say the Flying AIDS may cause erectile dysfunction. They just have to figure out how to crush a little blue pill into the vaccine.

Highest-paid sex worker in US sues state government for having no work during lockdown. This is precisely the kind of idiot government interference that's killing this country, lockdown or not. Perhaps she should do what some restaurants do: carry on business outside. 6' distancing is a real bitch, though...

(CNN)The Department of Defense released the first images of a Covid-19 vaccination record card and vaccination kits Wednesday.

The Department of Defense?

There may be questions...

Those wacky conspiracy theorists are right more and more these days.

Let's Go Shopping!

• Be careful when browsing Ebay for "english cocker spaniel" in the morning. You're liable to wind up with Joe Cocker, Jarvis Cocker, LuLaRoe, or Training Guide, teaching the dog how to train the people. Although... "Tribute" is all about the Joe Cocker Mad Dogs and Englishmen tour, as well as the tribute concert with Tedeschi Trucks. Hmmm.....
• Fortunately, you will not turn up any refurbished wireless ear buds. Why they've probably sold damn near two of them.
• You can now buy New Balance sneakers that look like they're already dirty. From the people who brought you pants with holes already in them.
• I was going to purchase some essential oils, but I had to check with Idiot Governor to make sure they weren't non-essential oils, and couldn't be purchased because of the Flying AIDS.
• Slouchy beanie hats are on sale. They would instantly confer Coolness upon me, especially in summer, when it's 90 degrees. I hope they're made from wool.
• How about a refurbished Roomba? It keeps banging into stuff and terrorizing the cat because it has the previous owner's floor plan in it.
• There's the Ninja Foodie. As I understand it, you put all the ingredients in it, leave the room, and 5 black-suited Asians come down from the attic and cook your food for you.
• Guitar Center is still at it, but has appeared to change its borderline stalking behavior to plain old ads. Stalking aside, I'm not going in there until they have something I want. They can have as many sales as they like.
• You can get all sorts of refurb power tools. I'd be all over them, but I'm not allowed to own power tools after the Mouse Incident. Heh heh.
• there's a Tag Heuer Chronograph for $2400. Because you can't legally call it a watch over $1,500.
• Ebay, in an actual attempt at targeted marketing, wants to sell me a variety of p.a. systems. If Ebay read this blog, they'd know that for me to use a p.a. system, I'd need a band. They are not selling bands, sadly. Godammit, I'm the best-equipped guitar player in my neighborhood.
• There are also 2 sets of salt and pepper shakers. I'm not sure what this means. Oh shit - they bugged the house! We couldn't find the shakers the last time we cooked.
• I could buy some gym shirts, but unless they compress flab, they're of no use to me.
• Some very smart company sells a 3 pack of laser levels. Because you're always losing one. It's like buying a wireless phone with 2 or 3 handsets. You don't need 2 or 3 handsets, but you're going to lose 1 or 2 of them. Or they're going to break.
• very popular are the 13" laptops. They're called Squints.

Shopping Help

Don't buy a smart tv - they're ridiculous privacy invaders.

Since you can't buy a dumb tv anymore, at least don't buy a Samsung: they have the most draconian 'privacy' agreement you agree to by turning the tv on.

If you purchase a wireless security video system that comes with 4 cameras, place 3 around the perimeter of your house, and 1 permanently focused on the hot neighbor's bedroom. NOTE: this does not work well with drones. Trust me.

• Here's a great article: Why Europe's big cannibis route is so hard to shut. Wait, did I say great? Is that demon marijuana coming to get us? Is this one of those Onion stories? Looks like just another justification for keeping the (failed) war on drugs going. I don't even smoke the stuff but this is just silly. I suspect the only marijuana related deaths we'll ever see are the war on drugs troops.
• You Own You. You want to put that stuff in your mouth, go right ahead. Just don't hurt anybody else in the process.

So in Flying AIDS news, most of California is under strict new lockdown.

Questions occur, such as whether this is a good thing. Maybe if they were put under voice lockdown....

China has put together a quantum computer they boast as the fastest of any computer anywhere. Unfortunately, no one can explain how quantum computers work, so they built another computer to figure this out, called Deep Photon.

Surprise, surprise: AI cameras sold to schools in New York struggle with people of color and are full of false positives. Hang on... AI cameras... sold to schools....??

In monolith news, more are being found. We know the first 2 were the aliens, messing with us. The new ones are humans. If I were them, I would guard my anus with steel equipment. You do not want to piss the aliens off. I smell abductions!

SJW Stupidity

 

In England, fans of a Colchester team who boo during taking the knee are 'not welcome'. 

Captivity - Day 88 You Can't Hang Yourself with the Curtains

Mrs lefty took advantage of the sun and good temperature and went shopping.
Fortunately the shoe stores aren't open yet.
Lowes looks like the aftermath of forecast snow. Shelves were almost picked clean of garden tools and the only bird feed they had was in 40lb bags, all of which were ripped open. You can't buy a shovel.

Speaking of helium, you can't find it. You can find balloons. The one place that had helium, had no balloons. And now the place with the balloons doesn't have balloons. It's the Helium Conspiracy, you know.  A theory hasn't been formed yet. Maybe the Illuminati are hoarding helium. They want to build an H bomb.

On the way out of Lowes, she saw a BMW with an elderly gentleman in the passenger seat. The car wasn't running, the windows weren't rolled down, and the temp had risen significantly. She went over and gestured 'can I open the door?' The poor old guy was uncomfortably hot. She asked if he'd like the windows down or the air conditioning on. The guy said he leaves it alone because his son's car is new and he doesn't know how to operate it. Mrs lefty would have none of this, especially as the ding dong who owns it left the keys in the ignition. She turned on the a/c, the gent was happy, and now he has a story he can tell.

We are told not to leave pets in the car with the windows up. Do we really have to warn people not to leave old persons in the car with the windows up? Wife's brother got a BMW. She asked him how long it will take til he drives like an asshole.


In other news, the Boeing 737 MAX continues to not be fixed.
Flying is aiming yourself at the ground and missing. The 737 fails to miss.
I think we've begun the age of the machines. AI is slowly getting rid of us. The 737 plummets, Teslas crash into things, and the Internet of insecure stuff is wide open for the hacking. Skynet has gone online.


BEST headline:  Man who shot himself in penis gets hard sentence


If you go to a protest or mass gathering, turn location OFF on your phone.  The BLM protests are being monitored, collecting your info for political parties or Flying AIDS monitoring. Or turn off your phone. There are no laws around this.


The FDA has canceled emergency use of Hydroxychloroquine, as unlikely to produce an antiviral effect. Again - they have NO. IDEA. What they're talking about.


Are we aghast about Seattle, where BLM/Antifa took over a few blocks and issued DEMANDS before they would leave? If their parents were there, they'd say, "If you're going to behave like an animal, you belong in a zoo."

We have a funny way of dealing with illegal activity.

We can all agree that the Floyd killing was completely unjustified and morally wrong. It appears the response to the rioting wasn't all that great. So far, nobody has said what IS a good response. Letting people illegally occupy multi-block neighborhoods seems less than optimal. I suspect this won't end well. At this point, the police are handicapped from above, and the illegal occupants are quite nasty and prepared for a skirmish.

In Philly, we deal with things differently: we bomb the house (and most of the block)


Walmart wants to get rid of all cashiers, instead using self-service lanes. Good old Walton family... squeezing every penny out of their employees and customers. Of course it's their right, as a business, but it's ugly. They can put the savings into more surveillance. You're already on tape at the checkout... maybe some drones to follow you around.  Time to not show up at Walmart. This disease is starting to affect other stores too.


SHOCKING:  More than 7 in 10 people won't use contact-tracing apps. We're starting to slowly understand privacy!

Captivity -- Day 53 Dr Phil is not a doctor

Let's start with the weather:
it continues to be actually sunny. This is because the clouds are having coffee and haven't realized how sunny it has gotten. Within a short time, one of the clouds will recognize the unsupressed sun and it will all be over. And when I say all over, I mean the sun; the cold will stay with us. Yes, its May, and we're enduring February temperatures.

Idiot Governor maintains he's still in charge and will drop in with the paratroopers if any business tries to open. If he deems Dairy Queen non-essential, I'm joining the Resistance. One simply does not cut off malts for an entire area. Idiot Governor is overstepping his bounds.


The Flying AIDS is spreading in the White House.
The White House disclaims all knowledge and fault for the spread and asks why everybody attributes everything to it? It does good things too - but they never get reported.


A fight broke out at a Target after customers refused to wear facial covering (that's a mask to you and me). Idiot Governor Gavin Newsom rushed in with the 3rd Armored Division when it was discovered that one of the 2 perpetrators weren't female or a significant minority. When contacted for comment by the news, Target's official statement was that you usually have to go to Walmart for this level of hijinks.


Bible scholars claim Book of Revelation seals broken, 'Four Horsemen are ACTIVE.' Historically, the horsemen are death, war, famine, and disease. The Book of The Slightly Modified for Scaring You More Effectively, claims the seals are just fine, thank you, and people should stop their campaign against seafood. The other signs are Furries on the #1 tv show in the nation, social distancing, and over 90% of computers using Windows.


In addition to the Synchronized Stereo Mower Team that operates daily, today we have the Synchronized Stereo Airplane Brigade. There is no explanation of how their schedules managed to sync. Either it was pure coincidence, or meetings took place at a very High Level, possibly involving Pence, or someone at the White House who doesn't have the Flying AIDS (yet). Listen closely, as this is the technical part: the mowers achieve their stereo sound field by all being on the horizontal plane, with many many mowers riding at once. The planes also occupy the horizontal plane (see what I did there?) but they're at different altitudes, ergo, et al, sickly, they produce a very wide stereo field, especially when there is more than 1 plane. For whatever reason, most plane traffic involves more than 1 plane. The really good plane antics are not only louder than the Who; they knock shit off the walls. Like that picture of Aunt Fuck (RIP). There's a lot of noise for a small hood. Nowhere was there a sign for DANGER - YOU MIGHT LOSE YOUR HEARING. Actually, prospective buyers thought it said WARNING - YOU MIGHT LOSE YOUR EARRING.

Speaking of commercials, have you seen the one with the hot older models, pimping yet another Special Cream, designed to make them look 2 years younger, for the discounted price of $400 per small bottle. The shoot normally would have taken 3 minutes, but wound up taking 3 days, because they had to teach the models to say "Hyaluronic Acid."

Walmart Ate My Coronavirus

Not everything must be complex and involve computers and hacking.
A teen walked into a Walmart in Joliet, IL, wearing a mask and a sign that said I have the coronavirus." He sprayed Lysol on produce, clothing, and other products. He and his buddy were arrested for disorderly conduct, retail theft, and criminal tresspass.

This is the kind of independent thinking we need in our youth today. Anybody can phone in a bomb threat - this took preparation and setup. I think we should start a fund for his defense.

• My friend's boss gave him a new term: maintenance window.
• I think he jumped out.

Tom Steyer, Dem hopeful, is calling for a $22 minimum wage.
It's great to see such naked pandering so early.

• We finally figured out how mosquitos sense our warmth. Part of it is exhaling carbon dioxide when we breathe. If we don't want our blood sucked, the only reasonable solution is to stop breathing.

Curious about the US budget?
Check out Science magazine.
They identify it as Trump's Budget, then mention it drowns science agencies in red ink. I'm sure there's implicit bias, coming from Science magazine.
What's very interesting is not the budget cuts, but the Budget.
It is incredibly difficult to elicit my sympathy for a 6% cut to the National Science Foundation, when the final number is $6.328 billion. If you read it this way, it might be considerably more interesting. The numbers are for the research component, so the figures may not be the entire budget for the unit.
That said, the remaining budget for these research areas is 59.951 billion.
Add many other departments, plus the Black Budget, and you begin to understand why your taxes are so ridiculously high. Imagine if you were 'allowed' to keep most of your own money.


Taking a momentary break from defending the planet, or whatever it is they do, Space Force is desperately searching for a short name to call themselves, like the short names the other branches of the military have. Therefore, they're crowdsourcing it. Back on the Old Days<tm>, we just Asked People. Now we crowdsource. Speaking to the internet is probably not the smartest idea....  none of the pre-existing suggestions are any good (Guardian, vanguard, sentinel). Therefore it is incumbent upon us to help out...

• UFO Fighters
• Spaceheads
• Tax Increasers
• Zero Gravity Jockeys
• Rocket Humpers
• Satellite Farmers
• Space d00ds
• Paratrumpers

Humor me for a minute.... 

The navy has ships.

The air force has planes.

The army has tanks.

The marines have scuba guys who do Bad Stuff for the CIA.

What does Space Force have?

If I understand correctly, the newest tech we've seen, aside from the secretive triangular thing that just got tested, is still the Saturn V (40s technology from former nazi, Werner von Braun) and the Space Shuttle. Any follower of history or even casual observer, knows there's something else we aren't privy to. How does Space Force get to Space? Do they cruise the moon to pick up Space Chicks? Do they run around in the Aurora, a triangular craft? Is there something newer, something triangular, that might be able to hover in-place and sometimes gets mistaken for a UFO (that doesn't exist)? Maybe they just do weird stuff to other countries' satellites.

While we're on the topic, Popular Mechanics ran a story on the government's UFO program. It's interesting. It gives a view into secret government programs too. Worth a read, keeping in mind that this is the public level; the one you're allowed to see. UFO research has been going on forever, but this particular 'disclosure' is somehow being allowed to go public. If you think UFO research started a number of years ago, with a $22 million program, I have some nuclear cold fission patents to sell you.

• Weird, unseen auto industry inventions.

Today's Special List of concerts the promoter knows I want to see, starts out with Janet Jackson and Backstreet Boys. Ummmm... guys - it's time to fire your algorithm. Yeah, Frankie Valli too: we don't really have 4 seasons here. On a positive note, the Black Crowes are touring, as is John Fogerty.

Dear lefty:

• What do I do with my erection?
• Just keep it away from women - we don't need you reproducing.

VITAMIN D ALERT

This is a warning to avoid vitamin D: it is very troublesome.
It comes in tiny little football-shaped capsules, and without fail, it will roll off any surface it's on. I spend 10 minutes every morning, trying to locate the little bastard on the carpet. It blends in.

• Stop what you're doing and watch this. Joe Bonamassa and Eric Gales jamming. It will tear your head off. I'm still looking for mine.

Today I identify as   a plaid suit



I am pleasantly surprised to read that Trump just signed an order to test the US infrastructure's vulnerability to GPS outage. I guess he's secretly reading this blog. For my next trick, I suggest that we figure out what happens to planes and other things if GPS goes down. We also need to secure our insecure infrastructure, like power generation.

• Today's best line: You just cannot kill everybody who doesn't agree with you.
• Uh-oh

Bloomberg considers Hillary as running mate.
Sound the air raid sirens! Barge the bilge! Muck up the mizzenmunch! Stock up on babies to snack on -- Satan's personal representative is back! But wait a minute... wasn't the Chosen One supposed to be president? Bloomberg is sexist!

• Sex robots may cause psychological damage. 
• Paid for by the League of Frightened Women  

Heroes of the Stupid

Pets in China are being forced to wear bizarre face masks because their crazy owners are terrified they may catch coronavirus.



Heroes

There's no question about it - social media is toxic. It's best to take a break to get back in the real world for a bit. Somewhat less toxic are the email groups, for special interests. There's a (police/fire) scanner group, with all the technical people and knowledge you can ask for. Most recently, there were a ton of messages to and from "Robert." The last one had Robert thanking everybody for not making fun of him; he's autistic and takes a little longer to understand things, but really likes his scanner. Looking back over the previous messages, one could see many in the group helping Robert, step by step if necessary, to get set up.

There are many stories like this. They just get swallowed up by the words of assholes.




SJW Slop



Transgender ideology can take on a comical character, as in a recent American Civil Liberties Union commentary objecting to sales tax on tampons and similar products while pondering: “How can we recognize that barriers to menstrual access are a form of sex discrimination without erasing the lived experiences of trans men and non-binary people who menstruate, as well as women who don’t?”

Existence is Futile [Borg updated]

Hey, how bout those Teslas..  The Teslas that every owner just got locked out of, with an "Unknown Error."  Customer Service lines are melting. Nobody knows. Unless you have the key card and fob, you're fsckd.

YouTube will be fined up to $200 million over COPPA investigation.
Staff in an uproar - that's the weekly toilet paper budget for the Executive 
Lavatory.

In a race with the government and Google for most evil, Faceyspaces now has facial recognition for all users. Fuck yourself with a molten ingot.

Headline: Yahoo email users logged in to discover email was broken.
Real Headline: People use Yahoo email.

Google's spellcheck for bloggers is broken. Please excuse any errors (I read the first word or two of every other paragraph, so I'm not much help).


A mid 1800s (People's Republic of) California law criminalized able-bodied people not helping the police when requested. The governor struck down the law.  This goes nicely with the other governor who governed that no one should assist ICE in their sanctuary city. I'm trying to get our governor to decriminalize bank robbing and online bank hacking. And those really interesting adult businesses on the edge of town....

A different governor noted that hurricanes and fires are getting worse, but he's happy with what his party's doing (D - DisneyWorld).  The next presidential debate will note this climate change and officially blame Trump.

• Hurricane Dorian hit Florida. Both were moving at 8mph.

Dear lefty

• What's today's gripe?
• Those guys I hired apparently didn't 'modify' your brake cable

Lefty guitarists, this is your once in a lifetime chance!
For only $399, you can buy a PRS Private Stock.... case.  I love ebay.

• The brave protesters in Hong Kong have won: the extradition bill has been withdrawn. They fought for freedom, using American inspiration and slogans. We fight for more kitty picture on Faceyspaces.

Major automakers have agreed to equip nearly all US vehicles with systems to remind motorists of passengers in the back seat, in an effort to avoid deaths of young children left behind in hot cars.  Congress never met a topic they couldn't 'fix' with legislation. How long til it alerts the authorities?

• Joe Biden had a press op at a Dairy Queen. He ordered a Whopper.

• Seth Ator, the man accused of killing 7 people in Texas, was already barred from purchasing firearms due to mental disability.
• He had also been calling police and the FBI for years, leaving incoherent messages. It's almost as if they weren't doing anything on purpose....

No thank you, I'd rather pull bugs out of my cereal

• Best Tweet: If you think an AR-15 is too dangerous, you should check out the MK-Ultra.  @beinlibertarian

I think one of my credit cards is having a good time at my expense.
They send me ridiculous emails every day, with some magic offers, none of which are relevant, and none I want to receive. To make matters worse, they put stupid little graphics on the subject line. That alone merits punishment. Nobody puts emojis or whatever the hell they are in my email program.

So I showed them. Last week I went to their site and opted out from all their ridiculous emails. Then they showed me, by emailing garbage, as if I hadn't opted out. This morning, furious at the invasion of my mailbox (yes, before I took my meds), I went BACK to the site and again opted out of everything. HA!

When I got back from that, there was another email in my inbox. With an emoji. They have one week to fix this, before I have them strung up for spamming their customers. I will also have their pets adopted out to other families, and replaced with ostriches. Their blenders will all fail, and they'll have nothing but hand mixers. And their internet will all be G-rated. Do not mess with me.

• 20 members of Boris Johnson's Conservative party have voted against him to prevent the UK from leaving the EU without a plan in place. They want a swimming pool.
• Boris' plan to suspend UK Parliament ahead of Brexit is lawful, a judge in Scotland ruled.  Emboldened by the news, Boris will be firing all of his opponents.

Coworker Follies

ME: can you find the Bob List?
HIM: what's a Bob list?
ME: a list with 'Bob' in it. I'm assured it exists.
(5 minutes later)
HIM: found it. Would you like a screenshot or should I share my screen?
ME: (starting to shake head violently) Just tell me where it is, please.
HIM: it's in the Jimmy Box - go here, ask it for everything, and there you go.
ME: How does asking for everything give you the Bob List?
HIM: Ummm.. it just does.
ME: (looks, yells, removes paint from walls) Ok, send me the screenshot.
HIM: Here you go.
ME: Thank you. Now where on this screenshot is the word 'Bob'.
HIM: No, there's no Bob on that list.
ME: THEN WHEN DID I SPEND THE LAST 10 MINUTES OF MY LIFE WITH YOU 'finding' SOMETHING that doesn't show WHAT I ASKED FOR?

At least he's consistent... he consistently aggravates me by consistently answering questions incorrectly.

One hour later....

HIM: Hey - I found the Bob List! It's here. I can get to it.
ME: do you plan on sharing it with me or did you just want me to know you found it?
HIM: It's easy.
ME: I remain in a waiting state. (eyeballs banging into each other)
HIM: hit the arrow button on the top left, next to the logo.
ME: pretty neat - let me give it a shot
ME: (searches around, cannot find an arrow) Ummm sorry, I don't have an arrow
HIM: I'm 5 steps ahead of you. I sent you a screenshot. (nothing if not disorganized).
ME: the arrow up top
HIM: yes!
ME: on the screenshot, you circled the arrow button up top... the BACK button on the browser.
HIM: Yup - it worked.
ME: You're telling me to hit the BACK button to make the Bob List come up.
HIM: Yes!
ME: We used to get vaccines so we didn't have people like you.
(5 minutes later)
HIM: I can't repeat this reliably.


Work is fun... we have these surveys... we are encouraged to fill them out. I enjoy filling out surveys, in the way I enjoy getting getting checked for.. whatever it is they're checking for when the doc puts his finger up your butt. This is made easier by the surveys being voluntary and anonymous. Yup, 100% voluntary. Right up til they notice I haven't filled it in and they contact my boss. Please do not deluge me with requests for job applications.

• The dog has been quiet all morning, in her yard. This is odd. If she barks, she comes inside, so as not to annoy the neighbors.
• Hours later, I go to the bathroom and have a seat.
• BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK

Heroes of the Stupid

My behavior in bed is atrocious. Stop - this is G-rated.
According to a reliable source, who isn't the dog, I am quite entertaining. I start with Mattress Dancing, where I twitch, jump, and roll. When the warmup is done, I get to the main show: laughing, cursing, crying, and punching. I am horrified that I punched my wife.  When I wake up, I'm given a review of my performance: "I'll give it two fists, Bob."

No matter when or how I call my wife on the phone, I don't get through. If I text, she texts back, forgetting that it takes from an hour to 3 days for it to reach me. When I mention this, she says "Ida know..."  Reflecting on this, maybe the phone and the punching are subconscious.



SJW Stunts


Kansas university faculty wants Chik-fil-A banned from campus for fears of 'safety' and 'mental well being'. They believe the chain violates "safety and inclusion"  When do these people have time to teach?  Oh.

Council member says cleaning feces off Seattle streets with a power washer is racist.  It's getting worse when these headlines go under SJW and Stupid.

Porsche is making a leather-free version of its new Taycan electric sports car in the latest attempt by a German automaker to play up green credentials as environmental activists lobby for a boycott of the industry.  Then all the SJWs will buy a Porsche!

Well, mine is...

Does A Brexiteer Wear Mouse Ears?

Florida News

A daycare worker was caught on camera throwing toddlers.
This is now a problem?

Florida man detains burglar by holding his iPhone like a gun until police arrived.
Thieves, like politicians, always send their best and brightest...



India plans to launch a lunar mission in July.
Yes, they're going to be the first fourth nation on the moon!
They're looking for water and other goodies, like all lunar visitors. And, according to Apu Nehasapetapetaloma, to open the moon's first Kwickie Mart.


CERN, the Large Hadron Collision people, just had their academic credentials from Microsoft revoked, causing a tenfold increase in license fees. As a result, CERN has a new effort called MAlt - Microsoft Alternatives. They're looking for open source software.

Let's see.... open source...  hmmmmm.... get rid of Windows and other MS software... hmmm.... I wonder what could possibly work for them....

In completely unrelated news, I upgraded to the latest version of Xubuntu linux (19.04) the other day and things are running better and faster.



Dear lefty:

• If Boris Johnson wins the election, will his 'hairstyle' become popular in the UK?
• No, but his teeth will.
• in North Korea, Kim ding Dong's hairstyle is all the rage (among people who wish to remain alive).

Ever since Obama, there have been charges of America sending billions of dollars to Iraq. Trump mentioned it too. I have a memory of the money being a return of money frozen by a previous administration. Anyone have a reading on this?

Speaking of Iraq, the warhawks are beating the drums again. We just sent a Rather Large Ship to that neighborhood. Whatever happened, we need to remain out of it. History shows the Powers That Be cause a False Flag event as a pretext to war (Weapons of Mass Destruction, 9-11).

• Toronto won its first basketball championship. No one knows how. It's the Jamaican Bobsled Team all over again. It wasn't easy -  they had to build stadiums and import black people.

According to the BBC, the countries using the Euro have agreed to have a common budget. What? Now explain how the conspiracy theorists are nuts because they refer to the coming New (one) World Order.

Shopping Time

My luck has been good lately, which was probably just setting me up for yesterday. Mrs. lefty had lots of shopping to do....

WALMART
Her: Could you tell me where the milk is? I can't find any.
Them: I'm sorry, we don't have any.
Her: Milk?
Them: Milk.

How could the largest vendor in the country not have milk?
It's like Monty Python's Cheese Shop sketch....

Well, we don't carry milk here.
You don't carry milk? It's the single most popular shopping item in the world.
Not much call for it around here, Sir.

Her: How about yogurt?
Them: We have this yummy probiotic stuff.
Her: It tastes like particularly bad dog excrement. What else?
Them: Oh, nothing.
Her: You have a huge food department.
Them: Yes we do. Largest in the area.
Her: and all I'm asking for is normal yogurt.
Them: I'm sorry, we don't carry normal foods.

Her: Dare I ask about potato bread? It takes much longer to turn blue and fuzzy than white bread.
Them: Since you asked, we will no longer carry it.

Her: Snapple's on sale.
Them: Yes, but we don't have the flavor you want.


LOWES
Her: I just spent a long time trying to find a 3/8" ratchet.
Them: that's because we don't carry them separately. You have to purchase the complete kit.
Her: But I already have doubles of all the sockets.
Them: Now you'll have triples!
Her: You bought the name Craftsman from Sears, which stocked everything. Why don't you?
Them: Because we don't have to. Now STFU and go buy the complete kit.


This is why Mrs. lefty doesn't allow me to shop.

Decorating?

Didja ever walk into a house and marvel at the decor or style?

My parents' place is antiseptic, yet warm. Mom got it from her mom, who scrubbed the bathroom tile with a toothbrush.

The rest of the family has it all together, with different styles and lots of space.

Then there's our house.

There is no style. There is no decor. There's barely any space. At least the walls are painted. Our method is buy something and stick it Over There. Or put the groceries on the floor.  Nice poster, let's thumbtack it to the wall. Has anyone seen the dog?

We are two decor-impaired people. And one who is directionally-impaired.

But let me say something positive: The show Hoarders rejected our application because we have clear paths and the piles of stuff don't come past our knees.

We sit there and look around, trying to imagine how one would 'design' a room. The closest I've gotten is a fake lisp and imitation of one of those home design 'experts' from tv. Don't let the LGBTQrstuv lobby tell you they have no representation on tv: straights have no representation on home improvement shows. If any straight guys happen to wander onto screen, they look gay.

Let's say we like southwest decor. The closest we'd get is painting one wall salmon and another wall turquoise. Maybe putting out a token figurine skeleton that says, "It's not the heat, it's the humidity". Viola - Instant Decor.  

We are horrible examples. It's sad. Maybe we can start a GoFundMe to get us some decorating lessons. Let's face it - even with lessons, we'd find a way to make it ugly. I was thinking about having a person with decorating skills move in, but Mrs lefty says no. I'm sure it had nothing to do with her being stunningly attractive. The bonus would be someone to babysit me when Mrs lefty visits family out of town. But noooooo......

So until we somehow acquire skills, the house will remain Decor by Tornado.

The president recently celebrated a birthday.
In case you're curious what he got from other countries....


Kim ding Dong, Supreme Haircut, North Korea, sent a hand-delivered note.

Teresa May (RIP) sent the Trump Balloon
Boris Johnson said he couldn't make it.
The Queen said, "We ARE amused."

Mohammed Somethingorother, Lord High Poobah, Iran, issued a press release stating the door was closed for birthday wishes and he had a much better hat than MAGA.

Vladimir Putin, King for Life, Russia, said that Trump's birthday was adequate, but Soviets have much better birthdays and he could kick Trump's ass in any sport.

China, asked for comment, said, "Who Tlump?"
"China has the advantage on America because Chinese food is really McDonalds and Burger King. Suggest Tlump stuff egg rolls..."

Australia sent a card that said "Good on ya, Don," but the postal kangaroo died and the card never made it.

Justin Trudeau, Prime Minister of Acceptance, Canada, sent an autographed picture of himself in his newest minidress. Melania was horrified. Donald hung the picture in the Oval Office, proclaiming Justin the best Canadian ever, after the other 40 million. The other 40 million spat in a hat then refused to send it because Americans have guns.


It's a sad day when North Korea sends the best gift.

The Quick Brown Fox Gets Run Over Early

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Walmart Loves You

Walmart loves you so much, it wants to ensure your health by taking your vital signs while you shop.

A patent application is very revealing of their desire to keep everyone safe: a biometric sensor in shopping cart handles.

These sensors would track the shoppers’ heart rates, temperatures, grip strength, and stress levels, not to mention the cart’s weight, speed and idle time. Next, that info would be sent to a server where the data could be analyzed and compared against baselines obtained when the customer first grabbed the cart.

Well, if that isn't the creepiest thing you read today, I'll eat my hat. Better yet, I'll eat Shakira.

Walmart will have to convene a panel to figure out why all their customers are wearing heavy gloves in the summer. Better yet, why people are shopping elsewhere (except the useful idiots who think it's nice of Walmart to monitor their health, in case they have a heart attack while shopping).

Your even bigger surprise is that there's no way listed of opting out of this chicanery. And of course, no personal information will be collected (aside from every biometric sign available).

ThermionicEmissions has some journalistic connections, who advise us they print only what they're told to. ThermionicEmissions also knows some sneaky people, who helped us discover some other patent applications about to be filed by the mega-giant and seer of all retail health things:

• a sensor for your dining room chairs, that detects how you're feeling when you get home from Walmart, and at all other times. Also, whether you washed recently. This sensor is taking a while to be approved, as it keeps beating Alexa up.
• a sensor to monitor your colonic health. This is inserted rectally, for the best connection. This will also tell when you clench your butt cheeks, after hearing what Walmart is up to this time.
• sensors for your genitals, to tell when you're really excited about a sale.
• a scanner for all your important paperwork, to save Walmart the research
• all of these sensors to be tested in Walmart's new camps sleeping facilities.

We always feel protected by our guardians in Washington, but we'll never feel the level of protection afforded to the citizens of Ireland. Like the US, every piece of mail coming into the country is subject to scrutiny. The US protects its citizens from surprise by examining the contents of the letters. Ireland protects its citizens from any sort of plant or drugs. It is even more magnanimous via protecting manufacturers from fake goods. But that's not it, no sir.. they protect their countrymen (and women) by protecting them from offshore medical products. The kind people order over the internet. "You never know what they're made from," says the helpful package opener. Never mind that some citizen ordered this with full knowledge, probably because the pharmaceutical company gouges the people in Ireland, like they do in the US. Ireland is concerned, more than anything, with the health of its people. You can tell by the way they confiscate cigarettes mailed to people. It has nothing at all to do with the usurious tax rate on ciggies.

• Some stuff that happens in England with the police leaves me howling. Usually it's uncontrolled panic over someone with a steak knife. Even funnier, if you can imagine that, is watching a policeman using a broom after an accident; cleaning up. Where I live, the victim of the accident is ordered to clean up. And there's no broom.

How's Space Force, you ask.....

As usual, you'll be sorry you asked.

Due to some additional funding that hasn't materialized, Space Force is at a standstill, as new projects go. You simply do not let a force of ADHD-addled, top of the line, highly driven types go without any significant direction.  Last we heard, they're out racing saucer-shaped craft. It's a great team-building exercise, and every now and then, the aliens let them win.

• I have a remote coworker I've never met. I can tell she's tall from the way she types.

Do you feel protected now, punk? Do you?

Department of Defense Travel System Exposed data of 30,000 Civilian, Military employees.

Probably occurred months before the October 4th discovery.

"..the breach occurred at a travel management services firm that handles "a small percentage" of DoD's travel services. 

Good thing it was a small percentage... only 30,000. A major breach would be rough, eh?

• I an ugly happenstance that I don't understand, Myanmar used Faceyspaces to help fight a war. FB had no idea it was going on and rushed to shut down  'a bunch of accounts.'
• The Myanmari military operated without any scrutiny, as they didn't malign muslims or any other minority.

Remember Do-Not-Track?

After taking a look at it the first time, I knew where it was headed (the digital trashcan). Let's face it - much like being on the Do-Not-Call list, it depends wholly on people at the other end respecting your choice. Let's face it - that ain't gonna happen, no way, no how.

• WHY IS THERE A BOX OF LEMON BAR MIX in my kitchen?

Just in case you were feeling that your government was made of a bunch of doofuses, know that there's no difference the world over: UK's Ministry of Defence discovered 37 security breaches of protocol last year. Breaches of protocol are even more astounding than the garden variety breaches because it's just stupid people doing stupid things.  Send sensitive information over the web, unencrypted. Plug USB drives into your computer without checking or scanning. Leave the computer locked when you walk out of the room.  

There is a long list, but the people up top don't want to discuss it, because it might lead to a cyber-attack. I have to admit, that's a good one. "Gee, we'd truly love to tell you every detail of how we screwed up royally, but we're really concerned that doing so might somehow put you at further risk. If we tell you, the terrorists win, yeah? Believe me, there's nothing we'd rather do, but our hands are tied here. It's for the children.

That's irony, right? 

Still no word from the Ministry of Speelling Things Incorrectly.

• Do you have or need a baby monitor? This guy did the research on putting one up safely.

A Spanish security person has discovered a second bug in the iPhone lockscreen,  which allows a person with the phone to hijack your pictures and send them to another phone. Got a pissed off spouse (who doesn't?), disrespectful kids (redundant), or someone who happens to be in the house and curious?

While waiting for the Apple patch, the temporary solution is to disable Siri from the lockscreen. 

Of course, disabling Siri would cripple your iOS 12 experience...

And now we hit the crux of the biscuit: even the author of the article mentions the user experience. Folks, if the user experience is more important than the security of the device and your personal information, perhaps you need to reevaluate your stance on the matter. Maybe you need to get hit with the exploit (or a 2x4) to adjust your thinking accordingly. Is it any wonder I haven't been asked to write for any major (or minor) publications?

This information may be moot because people don't care enough about security to read or take notice. Well, not on this blog, but one that has a wider circulation (although I'd prefer this blog, for some reason). 

• If you're an old computer soul, you'll remember Winamp, which whipped the llama's ass. It was THE player of audio. Bought by AOL, it kinda floundered. A new company has purchased it and it's officially coming back.
• The program is referred to as broken and dated. It still plays audio files, so how broken can it be?
• Once again, the article includes the word experience. I don't want a playing experience: I want to play my files. Nothing else. No blinky lights, no waveform display that looks like a heartbeat on a hospital monitor (he's in v-fib! Charge to 240- CLEAR!), and no equalizer whose curve looks like a smile. Not even a trick button that makes you think you're listening to surround sound instead of missing half your music.

There is a vacuum in the house.

Not the kind that picks up dirt. 

It's an anomaly in the vortex.

It's a small black vacuum that's always there, frequently following us around.

It makes no sound, but is omnipresent.

It's very familiar, yet the absolute opposite of something we knew.

it's been three months and still tears me apart

I'm telling you - the Russians are meddling in our process...