The Vagaries of Elephant Sexing. And Sexting.

After our great success with the battery-powered Worx mower, we purchased a Worx... thing... it's a small chainsaw attached to a long pole. Wife says it's for getting rid of high branches. I say it's for long distance torturing of certain neighbors.

I guess it depends on who handles it.  Meanwhile, it's waiting in the kitchen.


ThermionicEmissions is saddened to hear Beth Chapman, Dog the Bounty Hunter's wife, passed away, most likely from cancer (1967-2019). Although an occasional target of the blog, we send our best to Dog and family.

• Japan is set to resume whale hunting. They say it's essential.
• Reached for comment, the whales say it's not essential.
• Funny mishap on the first day: someone harpooned Rob Reiner.

At the Glastonbury Festival (England's answer to Woodstock III), people observed...

Unfortunate songstress Neneh Cherry was warbling through her set when the veteran OS finally gave up the ghost. Alas, XP was dealing with the stage back projection, meaning that the audience lurched from being vaguely surprised to learn that Cherry was still around to the horrifying realisation that so was XP.

Yes, Windows XP, the long out of support, dead OS. Perfect example. The only safe, past term OS, is one that runs by itself and doesn't connect to any network. When Microsoft tells you to upgrade, they're not kidding. And you know how I feel about Microsoft.

•  Mauritania (election controversy), Ethiopia (coup), Syria (2x, exams), have had large internet 'interruptions' with the past few hours. This shows you how important the net is, and how control of it is so important for tyranny. Remember this the next time you demand internet censorship and control.

Confused by all the news about Huawei?

Just discovered were 3 accounts on a big business router; all 3 were hard-coded (built in and not removable), one was root (access to everything) and 2 were system accounts. The passwords are the same, so if you know one, you know them all. I suspect the ability to 'phone home' will also be discovered.

So if you don't understand why many are calling for dumping their products, you're starting to. As a glance at the news will tell you, our government is not all that good at securing things. Nobody on the planet wants to fire up their networking gear and find out it's available to anyone with the password and it's sending data to China (where companies work even closer with their government).

This is why it's disheartening to see the president and others backtracking on the ban. [never hope politicians finally 'got it']

Along those lines, large cloud services provider PCM was hacked, as discovered in mid-May. Why do I say that if you can no longer touch your data, it's no longer yours? The moment you let things loose past your home or business, you are at the mercy of bright as well as bungling people/corporations. You've widened your attack surface (made yourself easier to hit with a foul ball).  The hack was accomplished via phishing, as most are lately.

In reality, you're not going to avoid The Cloud, whether you know it or not. Just don't choose to. Sync your browser passwords? Get your info from anywhere there's a connection? Get login and password from anywhere you are? It's in The Cloud.  Just don't put anything out that you don't have to, especially for the sake of convenience. 

Dear lefty:

• Where can I get a tin foil hat like you? What's your size?
• Just pretend you have one and act accordingly. It will eventually materialize; faster if you're referred to as one by friends or online. 
• My size varies, depending on how smug I feel that day. It's always large, though.

A lot of you are probably asking yourselves about the incidence of human feces incidents in San Francisco. Anticipating your question, I found the following...

I don't know which surprises me more: that there are so many or that there are stats. A San Francisco friend's comment was 'notice the color'.

• Several days after once again brandishing swords with the US, Iran said it's over the limit of plutonium it's supposed to have.
• They also announced they have very small penises.

There are people who have read ThermionicEmissions via online translation!

Nice to know I can frighten people in other countries.  World domination is imminent. 

• Sony is celebrating the 40th anniversary of the Walkman (1979). Where were you when it came out? A twinkle in your parents' eye? The back seat of a brand new Oldsmobile Cutlass station wagon? Still post-traumatic over the conversion to unleaded gas?

Karl Rove (R-Hell) was bemoaning the shit show that was the Democratic debates. His main objection was federal abortion funding, which he said 'violates morals and people don't want their tax dollars funding abortion.' Hey Karl - I'm morally opposed to war. I don't want my tax dollars funding the military industrial complex. You're a smart fella - you know it doesn't work this way... it's just convenient for your religious agenda.

Say what you will about Kellyanne Conway, but that New Jersey accent makes you want to gouge your own eardrums out. The sad thing is that her accent isn't all that bad for New Jersey.

This week's best overheard:

When police dug up the yard, they found the body. But unless it had 3 legs, there was another body down there somewhere.

COWORKER Follies

Ring ring...
Me: Yes?
Him: Hi, it's me. I wanted to get your idea on this project. I don't want to send the email first, then do the rest.
Me: I'm thinking we should wait on the email.
Him: Yes, but if we wait on the email, the boss will be upset.
Me: Why do you always call me to argue with yourself? Is your wife often upset with you and you can't figure out why?

• A baseball player died in a hotel at a young age. There is no cause of death but police don't believe foul play or suicide was involved. 
• When a musician dies, the cause of death is announced immediately, without autopsy.
• When there is a particularly nasty explosion, it is automatically not terrorism, before any investigation.
• How do they know this stuff?
• our condolences to the pitcher's wife of 7 months.

SJW News

Nike co-opted the Betsy Ross flag as a sneaker decoration.
There was incredible howling from Colin Kaepernik, because 'it takes us back to slavery'.
Nike will not sell them in the US.
Demands to destroy the Betsy Ross House and Betsy Ross Bridge are pending.

Men have named women's body parts, which is sexist.

Oreo is giving away special Pronoun Packs and encouraging everyone to share their pronouns with pride today and every day.

LG G4 - It's MINE

It might have had something to do with my wife getting a new phone (Galaxy S6) so I started researching phones. My phone for years has been a Galaxy SIII and while it performs admirably, it was getting long in the tooth. Plus it started to get busy doing Stuff but wouldn't let me know what kind of Stuff it was busy doing; instead it would ring but not answer when I told it to.

After much research, I decided on the LG G4. There are many reviews, almost all positve, and the negatives were things I didn't care about.  The main thrust of the decision was actually that my phone be bigger than my wife's. And faster. This is difficult to do with the S6 but the G4 has a slight edge. In fact, the S6 fits in the display area of the G4, a fact that dismayed the wife. My job was complete.

I was going to get a top of the line phone because I keep them for years, so why not get good equipment at the start? This pretty much left me deciding between the S6 and the G4.  One of the main points in favor of the G4 is that the S6's battery cannot be removed and you cannot add a memory card. Battery life was also a concern, with a few people complaining about the S6's inability to go a full day without recharging. Same in some cases for the G4. What I discovered is that both phones will go for a day, assuming you're not a heavy user. The G4 is much better than advertised but this might have something to do with me turning off most of the battery hogs (more later).

The first thing I noticed was that in its Otter case, the thing looks like an additional appendage, hanging from my pocket on a clip. It's built like a tank, only better protected.  The reviews were all atwitter over the many different-colored leather backs available. The sales guy apparently didn't know about these, as he didn't try to sell me one.  No matter - I wouldn't have purchased one... I'm not that kinda guy. The hard plastic back performs very well. The phone is very comfortable in my hand, which I didn't expect, due to its size.

The display was quite dim, which I didn't expect. I believe this is because the Otter case partially blocks the sensor, so I took the brightness off automatic. Now it's as bright as it needs to be.

The good news is my battery is lasting way longer than expected. My second full weekday with the phone left me with 87% after work. This is a small miracle, as the place where I work gets almost no signal. My old phone spent every minute trying to find a signal and ate its battery alive. This bodes well.

DESIGN

I'm a simple guy and I like a simple, non-blingy, non-battery-wasting display. This Material Design thing is total crap. I noticed it on my wife's phone and mine is the same. I normally don't have much to say about design, but this is excrement. I turned off the live wallpapers and audio bonging for every touch.

My favorite replacement launcher is Nova. It's great software for simple guys and bling people, available at the Google Play store.  You can set up your phone any way you want; with labels, drawers, icons, wallpapers (I like black) and all sorts of other interesting options. It uses less power than the stock launcher and I don't hate it (this is a compliment).

You can add buttons to the bottom, where Back, Main and Recent buttons live. This is a useful trick.

One major design change is that the phone buttons are on the rear of the phone. I wasn't sure I was going to get along with this but it worked out well. When I used my other phone, I was always hitting one of the buttons and causing myself much grief. You can also program Notes and Camera to come right up with a double-tap of the Volume Up or Volume Down buttons. The headphone jack is on the bottom of the phone, next to the charging jack (the usual micro-usb). If you get the Otter case, there are  flaps that flip up to reveal these two items.

The camera is said to be phenominal. It's got Many Megapixels. The front camera has more megapixels than the rear camera on my SIII. I'm not a photographer but all of the reviews give it enthusiastic thumbs up. The few pictures and videos I've taken have come out quite well.


SOUND

I can sum this up by saying This Phone Sounds Good. The speaker is not stereo but who cares?

PHONE

It works well. It's quite snappy. It makes and receives clear phone calls. It has not disappointed me at all. It plays my audio and video files wonderfully. I have yet to give it the Bounce Test.


HANDY SOFTWARE

i just plain don't like the Gmail and email apps, due to lack of configureability, so I install K9 mail. This allows as many accounts as you like (Gmail, Pop, IMAP, etc) and more options. Try a Calendar widget if you need a bit of help in the organization department (I can use all the help I can get).

ES File Explorer is a great app for looking at your file system and moving necessary things around. I got a wireless widget, which helps a lot, since I use wireless at home and not anywhere else.

I don't like most sound playing apps, especially the ones that come stock. It really bothers me that the players HAVE TO go out and find every single piece of audio or video on the phone. It took a while but I found a player that will play ONLY the directory I select. It's called DeadBeef. No, really. And for the phone, home computer, tablet on most operating systems, VLC is the best player for my money (free). It runs on almost everything and plays almost everything. But it will go out and index all of your media. Google apps/books/music/magazines/movies all phone home, which doesn't work for me.

If you're a guitar or similar player. GStrings is an excellent tuner.


VERIZON DISINGENUOUSNESS

I use Verizon because it's got the best signal here, period. However, there are a few things that are downright sneaky about their version of Android (each phone is customized by the carrier). When you select Voicemail, you're asked to sign up for an enhanced voicemail service that will transcribe some of the voicemail and send it to you. There is no normal voicemail option but I eventually discovered that you dial #86. Put it in your contacts and put a shortcut on the main menu.

This tactic is also employed with texting. When you hit the existing texting button, you're asked to sign up for a premium texting app. No-go, Verizon.  The real texting app is in your apps - just drag the icon to a desktop. I'm also receiving offers for a 'free trial of VZW Name...' something. It came up as a text and I can't remove it from the taskbar. This doesn't kill me but it bothers me.

Speaking of Verizon, I got screwed royally. Almost a year ago, I ordered service via the phone. Last week I discovered I had a multi-line plan (I have one phone) and was paying for insurance. I did not order a multi-line plan or insurance. I strongly advise getting insurance but my phone was so old that it wasn't worth it (would you get collision insurance on an old car?). While the nice folks in the store got it fixed going forward, I have to contact Verizon for a retroactive refund.

That aside, Verizon has been taking customer service lessons. The folks in the store were more than friendly and very helpful. I got follow up phone calls and emails. Verizon sent me a few Getting Started emails. I approve.


TIN FOIL TIME

I've beaten this horse well past death.  My tin foil hat is on order, so you know my views as you're reading this. I don't want to hear about social media, location, GPS or the CLOUD. As a result, I turned off all of the aforementioned services.  If you'd like to order your own tin foil helmet, go into APPS and turn off everything you don't need. Cloud backup, GPS, location services,  Put a lock on the main screen and encrypt the device (all available under Settings). If you turn off location services, you won't be able to locate a lost or stolen phone but I'm not planning on losing mine. Back your phone up to your computer. Avoid the Cloud - if you can't touch your data, it's no longer yours.

There's a free firewall called No Root Firewall. If you install this, you an control any program's access to the internet. There's no reason for notepads, local games and file managers to access the internet, while it's kind of important for an internet browser.

Do NOT install software from anywhere but Google Play, unless you are positive that the software is clean. This is the most common way to get viruses or malware. Having said that, I recommend F-Droid's software [fdroid.org]. It's open source, free, free of crapware and doesn't Phone Home.

DO NOT USE WIFI outside of your house or people you know unless you have a VPN. If you ask what a VPN is, DO NOT USE WIFI outside of your house. Everything you do can be intercepted. You can connect to a fake access point. Your pets could die. I'm warning you.  There's a great pair of programs called Wifi Warning and Safe Areas. They let me know when I'm out of my own wireless range and lock the phone. When I'm in wireless range, I can just swipe to open. This will work with more than one wifi access point.

IN SUMMARY

Your mileage will definitely vary.  Nobody is as crazy as me with customizations and privacy. The battery won't last as long and it won't be as secure. It will also be much more attractive than mine, regardless of what you do to it.

I can say that after a few days, I like this phone. With two weeks to return it, I don't anticipate making that trip.  Ask questions if you have them.


UPDATES:

I still like the phone. It's snappy and I don't scream at it and wonder why it can't perform its singular function of making phone calls. I get great coverage (except at work, but hell, it's only eight very important hours of my day), but I work in a Dead Zone, into which no carrier's signal penetrates.

I still hate the Material Design or whatever the hell they call it, even though I've managed to eradicate most of it.  The update to Android 6 will come later this year, bringing many improvements, including more granular control of permissions.

I love the popup incoming text messages, which can be answered or ignored with one touch.

The rear-facing buttons, which I initially wondered about, turned out to be fantastic, especially for someone who never failed to accidentally push the side buttons on his last phone, causing random hangups and fart-in-church volume increases. I read that it would be very easy to locate the volume buttons, due to the patterns in them, although mine didn't seem to have any.  This was immediately solved by removing the plastic on the volume buttons (who says I am not the smartest pup in the litter?).

I encrypted both the device's storage and the additional SD card. What the manual (such as it is) neglected to tell me was that when you encrypt, you have no choice but to accept the login code/PIN/pattern all the time, including using it in safe areas. So every time my phone indicates something, I have to unlock it. It's a PITA but it's certainly safer.

I finally managed to make the text message tone different from other tones (my fault again).

The only serious complaint I have is that the horizontal keyboard is no bigger than the vertical keyboard. It's downright stupid (unless it's another obvious function that I missed, but I doubt it). I have no patience for texting, especially when it involves ADD and Typing Dyslexia.

Because Google keeps a record of everything you say, I disabled voice commands. Some are available in Dolphin Browser, although I'm trying to determine the security issues. Yes, voice operation is a wonderful gee-whiz option but I'm not giving up that much data at this point.

NOTE TO VERIZON USERS:

All carriers are supplied with a basic Android phone. Then they proceed to add or subtract bloatware or useful functions. Verizon removed the blocklist and ability to set texting tones for each contact. I can't find a single good reason for this although Verizon has some ridiculous official statement on it.

Deep, Deep Shame

Shame. Perfidy. Shonda. Disgrace. Dishonor. Humiliation. Guilt. Sadness. Betrayal. Ignominy. Mortification.

All these things and more will not sufficiently explain my feelings.
I come to you humbly, hat in hand, begging your understanding and your assistance in determining what went wrong.

This is very difficult for me to type, so please allow me some leeway....

[sniff]

My wife...

[sniff]

My wife... has joined Faceyspaces.

There. I said it.

Here I am, Tin Foil Hat to the Stars, Number One Privacy and Security Guru, Winner of the 'I'm Not Paranoid - I'm Acutely Aware' Prize [1998-2014], with a wife on Faceyspaces.  Everyone's laughing at me.

Don't believe me?
Approximately sixty seconds after her signup, my own brother send a foe request, asking if I knew.
I'm doomed, like a chiropractor whose wife wears impossibly high heels. Except the chiropractor's wife at least looks good in them. Nothing good can come of Faceyspaces.

I explained that nothing good can come of Faceyspaces. I explained that it's the front page of the NSA. That the NSA either wrote the software or wishes they did.  That the mobile app eats data and privacy. That even with the highest privacy settings, it still sucks up all available data. That no one knows what the mobile app eats in terms of permissions because it's installed as junkware by the carrier.

Her argument?  She wants to keep in touch with the nieces and nephews.
Do the nieces and nephews not have email? Even though that's also property of the NSA, it's not public.

Will she now be required to post selfies every time she goes to the bathroom? Report on what she ate for lunch? Talk about which tire is leaking this morning? Describe picking up after the dog using Poop Bags<tm>? Purchasing a selfie stick? Beating me about the head and shoulders with it?

Can anybody recommend a twelve-step group or a deprogramming center?


I feel so..... alone.
And it's getting cold.... so cold.



THIS WEEK'S SELECTION

How could I go any further without mentioning another hero of mine: Frank Zappa. Zappa has played the bicycle, gotten arrested for one of his records, run recording studios, made millions laugh, got in trouble for insulting Jewish women then went after Catholic girls, gays, influenced many artists, and knocked the heads off many a guitar player.

This is a love song. A family song. A funny song. A song that you had better not play too loud at work (or home). It's called Crew Slut. It's a love song to the ladies of the road.  And here's Frank with a really nice instrumental called Watermelon in Easter Hay.

Sadly, Frank left us in 1993, due to prostate cancer. Get yourself checked, guys.