Iqbal Goes to the Circus

Enriched uranium and neptunium 237 were detected at an Ohio middle school, which will be closed for a year.

The child made a nuclear reactor. If you don't want the kids doing great work, don't encourage them.

• A diabetes drug may cause an infection that destroys the genitals.
• "I'd give my penis for well-regulated sugar."

In Florida, they're seeing 88 degrees today. Here it's cold and rainy.
Yesterday it was 94 in Miami. Here it was cold and rainy.
Why the unrelenting gloom and rain on the east coast?




Dear lefty:

• If you hate the weather so much, why don't you move?
• Because Arizona pays me to stay away so their climate doesn't go to hell.

A Texas man blames the West Nile Virus for infecting him, causing him to distribute child porn.

Next up: the West Nile Virus assassinates a public figure and raises taxes.

• Keep an eye on the 'Iran Crisis'. Trump has already suggested a huge armed force to deal with it. The warmongers are winning. 

The US Navy warned that 5g phone service is likely to interfere with weather forecasts. The FCC did the only thing it could do: started auctioning off the 5g frequency spectrum.

UK Snowflakes

England's Jerry Springer, Jeremy Kyle, just had his show shut down. Why? A week after taping, a guest killed himself. The episode was not aired.  It featured a man accused of cheating on his fiance, who took a lie detector test and failed. She left him, he killed himself.

While we here at ThermionicEmissions are sad for this fellow and family, we can't understand why the show needed to be canceled.  Granted, 'free speech' cannot be applied equally to the US and UK, but this is a matter of personal responsibility. Personal responsibility has gone out the window in general, but in the UK, they're more worried about offending someone and 'protecting' people from bad words and antisocial behavior.

We have Jerry Springer. 

I hate Jerry Springer and all the show stands for, but would never insist it be forcibly removed. If he wanted a permanent vacation, though, I'd gladly support him.

Kyle will 'work on other projects' with the network (ITV).

I suggest thinking hard about this to figure out where you fall.

Don't take my word for it.... I'm the guy who would love a tv show featuring people tazing Judge Judy.

• While we're on England, it's illegal to sell certain kitchen knives to people under 18, as well as illegal to carry them. I just saw this on the news.

Hate

Online social sites are under fire for 'hate speech'.

What is hate speech? In the US, there is no hate speech - it's all speech.

Certain snowflaky elements define it as people saying bad things about other people, from anti-LGBTQ to neo nazis. I don't agree with any of these groups (including the snowflakes) but, as an American, I support their right to say it. The precious snowflakes want to limit speech, even in the US. These are the dangerous people.

As a libertarian and American, I know the government cannot make laws moderating speech of private entities: they don't belong there. 

There is a meeting coming up of social media companies in France, asking what can be done about 'hate speech'. It's not their job, but they either want to appear they're doing something, or actually do something. The only problem here is that it's already being applied in a one-sided manner, generally banning the right side, less so the left side. There are constant accusations on both sides. 

Howard Stern had the KKK Guy on his show, as a recurring caller. People were horrified. I think Howard did a great thing, allowing his listeners to hear what this person said and that the KKK is still alive. Plus they got to hear a completely stereotypical southern idiot racist. Keep your enemies in the light, where they can be easily monitored.

Remember: if you silence one group, you are giving approval to silence any group - including yours eventually. You also wind up with a very one-sided echo chamber. Already Faceyspaces, Twitter, Reddit, and Instagram have joined with payment processors like Paypal, in de-platforming right-leaning people and organizations. Of course they have that right, being private entities, but one can't help but notice this is all swinging one way. Eventually the remaining side will start to eat itself, having dug its own grave.

Just because someone says something doesn't mean you have to like it or listen to it.

You Gotta Love Blonde Asians...

An Australian lady went to Vietnam. Upon return, she got pulled aside for inspection. Turns out her boyfriend, a plastic surgeon, installed buttock implants in Vietnam.

Say it again: buttock implants.

We know they're not new, but think about it..it's inserting something pillowy in the body. Like breast implants... a few years back, a woman was arrested in Philly for doing butt implants, one of which killed someone.

Epilogue: the butt implants contained large amounts of drugs.

• A man proposed to his girlfriend in court. That's so romantic, ain't it? She was in court for stabbing him 13 times. That should be some marriage... all lawyers in the court gave him their cards.

This probably went viral last week... the 16 year old girl who called 911 because Daddy took her cell phone away. The policeman sternly explained that 911 is for real crimes and went on to tell the child that everything really belongs to Dad anyway - she's a minor.

I think she's due for a Learning Opportunity. She will work in a 911 center, shadowing operators and listening to actual 911 emergencies. Hopefully this will help her understand the difference. While she's there, she can help out by cleaning the bathrooms. 

Dear lefty:

• I try really hard to get my boss to like me. What else can I do?
• Nothing. Your head is already so far up her ass, when you sneeze, she burps.

As I type this, Betty White turns 97.

After the nuclear apocalypse, there will only be Betty, shacking up with Keith Richards.

There's a great article on a new treatment for PTSD. This poor Seal Team Guy has been experiencing all sorts of horrible PTSD, causing all sorts of horrible problems. He walked in, had a treatment, and walked out, happier than he had been since before joining the service. There are variations of this treatment, but it's basically shooting very minor electricity at your brain, via a small wand the doc holds. You are not physically touched, and there's a small noise inside. Some people don't get full relief immediately. One variation is in use, although who knows if insurance covers it. The name contains 'transcranial'. I can remember this, but have no idea what I had for breakfast. Or lunch. Or where my keys went. Did I remember to use protection? Will prayer be needed?

The funny thing is that the Seal described some of his major symptoms and I joked that after seeing the list, I must have PTSD. Somebody close, who shall remain nameless (but married me) looked at me as if I were a complete idiot (a look I see often) and said, "Duh - you scream PTSD. Sometimes literally."

Well gee, it would've been nice if at least one of 15 therapists told me this, before they all committed suicide.

• BULLETIN: The Canadian Winter Festival was cancelled due to heavy snowfall.
• The Pennsylvania Winter Festival was cancelled due to cold weather.

It was so cold yesterday...

HOW COLD WAS IT?

It was so cold, I had to run my hands under cold water to warm them up.

It was 7 degrees outside.

The poor dog, who came from down south, has never even heard of this temperature before. She never saw snow til recently. She wants to go back.

It got better later, when it finally hit 13 degrees.

It's not a climate - it's a plague.

• Today I beheld a tool that looked like a small chainsaw that goes on a pole. It looked like it might be fun at parties.
• At least it didn't take up more room than the hedge trimmer in the bathroom.

Dear lefty:

• Quinn Quinones, from Queensland, asks our opinion on climate change.
• Dear Quality: are you out of vegan shampoo again?

Arizona state Representative Gail Griffin(R) proposed a bill to require all computers sold in the state be locked from accessing porn. Users would pay a $20 fee to unlock it, which would go toward The Wall.

• I think the technical term for this is Blithering Idiot
• You cannot regulate access to porn anyway - it's impossible. Too many varied sources, with new ones popping up all the time. This is why filters don't work well.
• I believe regulation of access by the state is a 1st Amendment issue.
• If you build your own computer, will each piece be taxed? Will your video card be taxed more because it allows you to SEE porn? Will your mouse be protected from porn too?

I LIVE IN THE INDIGNATION

I often hear what my wife's watching on tv when I'm in the next room.
Most of the neighborhood can hear what my wife's watching on tv.
The 'news' provided some sickening material recently...  it was largely about viral videos. There is one about a high school kid smirking at an Indian guy and another about a large child dancing shirtless in a stadium.

I'm looking at this from as for above as I can... we are a nation of morons. I've said it before. Frequently. We're fiddling while the country burns. Think about it - we're absolutely fascinated by online videos, to the point it makes the nightly news. This also says something about the news. We are sitting wherever we sit, looking at a huge video site, picking out videos that amuse us. It's like a worldwide sport - all we're missing is Sports Hooligans rioting in the stands, although that would be a viral video too. Everyone's free to do what they want with their time, but we essentially watch Stupid TV to amuse ourselves. We have become fat and lazy, amused by video-lets. Does America riot when taxes are raised or levied? No, we're busy being hypnotized by YouTube, which is the next step from being hypnotized by the Boob Tube.  The people Up Top benefit from this. Less resistance to subjugating the Proles. Our tv's already watch us.

Having said that, YouTube can be an incredible asset: aside from entertainment value, the knowledge passing how-to videos are priceless. Never fixed a dryer before? There's a video for that. Oven's paint peeling? There's a video for that. Car making a noise like a pigeon being strangled? That one's about to be uploaded. Dads dancing, Guitar lessons, how to apply makeup for the cosmetically-impaired. How to dress like a ho and how this celebrity dresses like a ho. People hanging from very tall light poles, during a riot after a Philly team won a championship? It's all there. And viral.

Philly is Hell with Steak Sandwiches

Philly: it's not a climate, it's a plague.

It's snowing. Of course it's snowing - snow is what it does when it isn't raining.
For days, they've been forecasting snow. Light, heavy, coming from Kentucky (drunk snow), won't be much locally. Naturally I woke up this morning and was told 2-6". Of course that much snow - it's my only day out of the house (even voluntary agoraphobes get out now and then).  All plans scuttled. The plans included the best milkshakes in the area, so you know I'm PISSED.

My phone's weather app said a dusting. Two news sources said 2-4 or 3-6. Of course we got 1/2", which wouldn't have killed our plans. Oh, the perfidy, the utter sadness and shame. 

Score one for open source weather apps.
And just for fun, there's a little sun out. This is Mother Nature, on crack, laughing at me.

• Commercial: If your gums bleed when you brush, you could have gingivitis.
• You could also have cancer. NEXT!

While tuning around, I noticed local coverage of some game or other. It had the morning news crew and one said, "blah blah football blah blah and the game will start in 40 minutes." They were sitting at a huge table, full of food. I know pre-game goes on for about 8 hours, but people are sitting there, watching the anchors eat. The show after this features evening news anchors picking their noses. Meanwhile, the game itself is a bunch of large men wiping their asses with 100 dollar bills that the fans gave them for a cheap seat.



Dear lefty:

• Marvin Michaels, from Mounting, Montana asks "What are you - some kinda liberal?"
• Did you see any doctors when you were little?

I just washed my hands in the kitchen sink. Apparently I used the wrong soap... my hands smell like.... woman. No, that's not why I washed them. Why can't we just use soap? Or some sort of liquid soap? I smell like flowers. I'm not exactly a mountain man, but I'd prefer not to smell like flowers (or eat that 'salad' that looks like someone ran a mower into a flower bed). From a practical standpoint, a huge chemistry department went through the trouble of finding a chemical that would make your hands stink after washing. This means your hands are never really clean after you wash them.

• The Who is coming.  Well, at least 50% of them.

A California judge has ruled that police can't force people to unlock a mobile phone with their face or finger.  If you could POOF yourself back 20 years, you'd hear jokes about putting out fires with your face.

I wonder if the esteemed judge had anything to say about the TSA....

Dear lefty:

• Rubin Robinson, Rebar Researcher, wants to know why the sun is yellow.
• Dear Robin: don't be lazy - do the science yourself... visit the sun.

• Whether or not you know that you can be tracked by email, you should read how to protect yourself, courtesy of the Electronic Frontier Foundation.

Doggie Diary

Hi, diary, it's Penny.

After running away from bad people, I went to live with other English cockers in a southern state. Six months later, I got on this thing called a plane, which absolutely sucked (no treats) and went to my new home.

Day 1
The people are nice. I like my new house and yard.
It's cold here. Very cold.

Day 2
I really like my new mommy and daddy. They give me treats and rub my belly. I sleep in their bed. Sometimes I let them lay on their pillows with me.

My yard isn't as big as down south, but it's big enough.
There are many birds in my airspace and squirrels to chase.
There are many people walking by my house to bark at. Repeatedly and loudly.
But it's gray. Always. And still cold.

Day 3
Mommy gave me this thing called whipped cream, which I ate from her cup. I love her.
It rained today.  I remember sun.

Day 4
Dad has a temper, but he rubs my belly a lot. I curl up on his lap and he calls me his spaniel seatbelt.
There's some white, cold stuff coming from the sky. I've never seen it before. It's disgusting. And the sky is still gray.

Day 5
It was sunny!!! Yay!!! From 7:45 to 7:46.
I got chicken for breakfast. It was good. I want more.
It's cold and gray, but at least it's not snowing.



I love my parents, but somebody please get me out of here!
I can take them down south, where it's nice.
Dad's right when he says it's not a climate - it's a plague.

Here I am, helping fold the laundry

The Philadelphia Curse - It's Personal

As we know, I have company in from out of town this week.   As we also know, Philthydelphia's weather is highly variable, to be polite.  In fact, Philly and the surrounding suburbs are going to shut things down for a day and have a huge celebrity concert for the purpose of getting the funds to purchase a real climate.

The weather and I go way back.  I have ancient memories of going on vacation when I was tiny and having it rained out.  Ever since then, I've felt it has been personal.  Douglas Adams [The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy] has a great bit about a person who gets rained on wherever he goes.  He doesn't realize he is actually a Rain God.  Read the Dirk Gently novels.  Everyone should read Douglas Adams regardless.

Validation is a particularly sweet thing for me, especially with the high number of odd things that tend to happen around me.  So it was welcome when the folks at work started noticing that it wasn't, in fact, totally in my head.  Over a period of years people noticed that we could count on rain when I took off work to visit the zoo.  We could have a heat wave the likes of which would make Arizona jealous and if I took off Wednesday, it would rain.  Rain wouldn't appear in the forecast in any way, but it would rain.  One year for my birthday, my coworkers got me zoo tickets and rain ponchos [Note: not Sears ponchos].

I would like to ask Douglas Adams if I might be a Rain God too, but he had the temerity to die a number of years back, making contact all but impossible.  Lacking any other subject matter experts, I am left to wonder alone.

So I have company in from out of town this week.  After brief consultation, it was decided that I would take off work Friday so we could go to the zoo.

You see where this is going, right?

On the work calendar, I noted that I would be out Friday and to BANK ON RAIN.  

I have to tell you that the Universe is not stupid.  When I took off work and promised not to go to the zoo, it did not rain. When I took off and said I wasn't going to the zoo but intended to go anyway, it rained.

My poor friends from out of town manage to get the absolute worst of weather every time they arrive.  Usually it's the ridiculously high temperatures of summer combined with the ridiculously high humidity of summer.  In actual fact, spring and fall have been declared null in Pennsylvania, due to budget cuts.  This time my guests have been treated to our second record heatwave of the summer.  Yesterday it hit one hundred.  If you sit outside without moving, you will dissolve into whatever you're sitting upon.

But this time, the Universe had another trick up its sleeve.  Normally the forecast would be for high temperatures and sunshine, yet it would rain.  This time the Universe one-upped me....  as soon as I took Friday off, the forecast changed to rain and thunderstorms all day.   Yes, Victoria, it is personal.

Did you ever feel Universally f-d?

----------------------------------------

If I were really smart, I'd charge people to make it rain.  For several hundred dollars per acre, I would take off work for the day to go to the zoo, hence rain.  Unfortunately I can't concentrate my powers anywhere but where I live.  Perhaps I could get paid to relocate for the day and make it rain there.

Then I truly would be a Rain God.