Black Friday! Starting in February!

Black Friday is a recent pestilence. But no, that wasn't enough... there was Cyber Monday, which also wasn't enough. Now there's Black Friday Week and pre-Black Friday. It's a retailer's dream. I've been getting all sorts of emails about Black Friday sales. Since I don't pay attention to the calendar or sales, it caught me by surprise (and by disgust). One retailer is claiming 15% off on guitars, but the 15% is coming from the manufacturer, nor the retailer. Another is offering all sorts of sales, none of which is an actual deal. But this doesn't stop either from sending me emails. My outgoing spam filters won't even let me go to these pages, as they're heavily tracked by mailchimp and rs06.com.

PRS, a famous, high quality guitar maker, is offering 15% off their guitars. They're very well-made, even their offshore offerings, so I'm watching. I need to touch the guitar before I buy it, to see how it feels. Naturally there is not a store within miles and miles that has one. PRS is being really nice to lefties lately and I thought I'd take advantage. Oops, another hospital trip for the dog, costing a reliable used car. Then a $120 followup visit. At least all the employees OOH and AH whenever they see her, It's almost worth it.

The Bathroom 

The other day I went into the bathroom, to find a large plant growing in the sink. Most of what I find over the years has failed to impress me, including the Camaro in the dining room, the chainsaw in the living room, and even the plant in the bathroom sink. It is certainly well-watered, although I wonder if the soap has any effect.

The next day the plant was gone, but another one had appeared, next to the toilet. I thought plants needed to be outside, or at least near the sun. But this plant seemed ok next to the toilet. I gave up asking questions years ago, but had something of an issue with the leaves growing onto the toilet seat. There's something unsettling about plant leaves under your buttocks, agreed?

I'm holding off for something more bathroom-appropriate, like a car battery or construction equipment.

Forced Vacation 

We're at that time of year when I have to burn off vacation days or I lose them. I don't learn quickly (or well). Ok, I learned a little bit, having taken off most of November and December last year. This year I've arranged 3 day work weeks. I'm going to feel really bad in January when I have to go back to 5 day weeks. I don't feel too bad, as a coworker is taking December off.

The Railing 

My wife has gone to war with the railing. Like the scanner calls about pedestrian vs car, the railing is 2-0 so far. How does one break a railing? I have no idea. I'm beginning to suspect she felt clumsy on the flat surface and gave the railing a workout. Iron is no match for Wife. As a result, she's been in bed a lot, not in a good way. As another result, I'm on my own a lot. This requires doing battle with the washer, dryer, and oven. I've built computers and taken apart laptops, but nothing has prepared me for the washer. It has more lights than my obnoxious neighbor's Christmas light display, and more information on its screen than all of the letters on my laptop. I have to put in my shoe size and birthdate before it will start moving. I have to do this all myself, which makes it worse. Meh... who cares if my jeans are pink... no one will mistake me for a woman.

I am not happy leaving the house, being an Amateur Agoraphobic. Going shopping is somewhat less annoying than mowing the lawn, but still not on my Top 100 list of fun things to do. If I'm supposed to pick up the 8oz sour cream, the store will only have 16oz. Since I only like sour cream in dip, this presents a problem. Coffee creamer will be available in 26 varieties, except the one I use all day. This is because the store has an employee whose sole job it is to follow me around to see what I buy, then stop ordering it. One time they stopped carrying Coke.

Know what's not scary? Driving on an interstate when an eye decides to start burning for no apparent reason. Know what's scary? Driving on an interstate when both eyes decide to start burning for no apparent reason. It also provokes quite a reaction in passengers.

 PETA (People Eating Tasty Animals) has been out of the news for quite a while, so they needed to do something so over the top, so insipidly stupid, so idiotic, that people would remember they exist. Either that or they wanted everyone to smile for the holidays:

Animal rights pub name row 'undermines real issues'

They're up in arms because of the pub named The Sly Old Fox, saying the name is derogatory. I'd be up for complaining if PETA and 'smart' were used in the same sentence.

Service Elephants and the Grinch Who Stole my Tires

Much has been written and said about sleep, most of it wrong.
Ever since I was a little monster (I'm a bigger monster now), I tried to find out how sleep worked. It generally worked wonderfully - I hit the pillow and slept til I got up. Then I noticed that I always woke up tired, regardless of how much sleep I got. I asked friends, family, doctors, and pr0n stars; all had different answers, none seemed correct.

Now that I'm married, the search goes on; interestingly enough, with a woman who has the mother of all sleep disorders. Neither of us can figure it out. Because of her sleep disorder, I developed the ability to sleep through a small nuclear detonation, a 44lb dog standing on my chest and circling around, a 23lb dog licking my face and and stealing the covers, and various sentient entities jumping into and falling out of the bed. We both seem to come up with the same conclusion: the less we sleep, the easier we get up and the better we feel. Naturally this is counter to everything we've been told.

If I get 7 hours, I'm tired. If I get 5 hours, I'm ok. On the weekend I can get between 6 and a lot more hours of sleep, and the more I get, the more tired I am. Sometimes it's all I can do to get from the bed to the couch, then I'm ready for my first nap of the day.

We also noticed that at no point do we feel like getting up when the alarm goes off. This is a universal truth. After all this Science, I discovered one truth/trick that is 100% effective, regardless of how much sleep you get: waking up to discover you're a few hours late for work gets you right up out of bed, with no time to be tired (or yawn). It even puts off the need for coffee, for a good few minutes or so.


SpaceX launched 60 Starlink satellites.

Tomorrow's radio news:  On I-95, Lane 1 is moving quickly, but remember - it's an HOV lane.  Somewhat north, Starlink 47 will come dangerously close to Spy Satellite 33  an American communications satellite at about 8:30, which will cause quite a backup. Stay away from Starlink 27 - it has been hijacked by China and doesn't fly too well. Also, if you see Starlink 53, it has gone rogue. Call Space Force, but do not approach it - it hides behind Russian satellites and fires lasers.  Lastly, Russia's Sputnik 1,295 has been cautioned for getting too close to Space Force's satellites, allegedly to mess with their location software.



Did you you know that the president can shut down all US communications?
Linked is a highly biased article, focusing on Trump and an FCC commissioner who wants to block it. If the law existed earlier, I don't remember this being discussed about any of Trump's predecessors. California used this recently, to shut down communications around a subway. While the FCC commissioner is absolutely correct, do you honestly think this will be repealed? Even Congress wanted a shutoff switch. National Security is the answer to almost every encroachment, but I'm going to support the FCC here (just once). Do you think, for a minute, that any president would fail to take advantage of this? Look at Egypt and Iraq.



FACEYSPACES NEWS

$550 million settlement reached in facial recognition suit (in Illinois)

New "Off-Faceyspaces Activity' portal lets you know where you're being followed.  Worth a read.

"If you would not confront your neighbor and demand his money at the point of a gun to solve every new problem that may appear in your life, you should not allow the government to do it for you." ~ William E. Simon

My darling dog does some interesting things, most of which can't be explained.
One is standing between the two of us, barking at Mrs lefty when she talks to me, when we're 15' apart. It's not a threatening bark at all. A cynic would say she's protecting me from my wife's talking. As a cynic, I don't agree, but I'm really curious as to what the behavior is.

The dog also does not grok gravity. Or 'gravity isn't her friend.'
Most dogs I know understand this basic law, but Penny has great difficulty with it. She will jump on the couch with a toy and start chomping on it. It falls out of her mouth, onto the floor. This is apparently like magic to her, and it happens every day. Her reaction is almost human: she stares at the toy, but doesn't want to jump down to get it. She's quite normal in other respects, but how does one teach a dog about gravity? And time travel? And not licking pillows or clothes?

I don't know who needs to hear this, but there's nothing libertarian about fighting to keep a corrupt President in office. - Nicholas Sarwark, Libertarian Party president

Speaking of Trump, he unleashed his Middle East peace plan.
Let's suspend disbelief and say it's successful.... what would his opposition do?

• say it was Obama's idea originally
• complain that he was saving it to get re-elected
• state that the plan endangers the Egyptian sand flea and should be rejected
• Hillary would call it an act of war and insist on bombing somebody. Anybody.
• Cheney would invite him to go hunting (sponsored by Martin Marietta)
• ask how to add Peace to articles of impeachment
• shut down all communications so nobody hears about it

Speaking of coronavirus, a cartoonist in Denmark drew up a panel with China's flag, where the 5 stars had been replaced by coronavirus.  China's enbassy blew a gasket and called it "an insult to China," demanding an apology. Denmark blew its nose in China's general direction, stating free speech. This paper also pissed off muslims with a prophet Muhammad cartoon, causing Great Unrest.

Denmark sounds fun.

• Are you on social media? In an argument (they're the same thing)? Great article on a former FBI agent discussing Trolling for Profit. The people you're arguing with might not be people, or might be one paid troll with many accounts, pushing an agenda.

Baltimore, the city that got ransomware that shut down networks, that the incompetent city IT people didn't back up, wants to give out rebates for the purchase of Ring doorbells and do nightly air surveillance.  Gee, it sounds like their priorities are in order....

In any discussion of "should feminists believe X or not-X?" the answer is always "both". Because feminism isn't an ideology, or a movement, but a battle between groups of privileged women over how women should correctly behave    - @pornpanic

• Criminals have used Grammy-winning songs by Taylor Swift, Ariana Grande, and others to carry viruses.   No one over 13 affected.

Today I identify as   ground beef



 I've long held that we should leave the UN. If you would like to know some of the reasons, check out this article. Aside from those points, we have the rule of law - we're a sovereign nation. Why should any entity be allowed to interfere with this?

• Today's ticketing suggesting algorithm screwup: Frankie Valli advance tickets!

Heroes of the Stupid   

PETA says Punxsutwaney Phil should be replaced with AI groundhog

apparently they're upset they haven't been in the news lately...

Andrew Yang (D-Neptune) "Overdose patients should be sent to mandatory treatment centers for three days to convince them to seek long-term treatment"
Bernie Sanders added "Treatment will be free!"

New York State, in a serious attempt to out-stupid California, is now mandating "Stargazing Permits" for looking at the sky.



Swamp Gas Rides Again!
Colorado experienced a large fleet of drones, each appearing about 6' long. Police came in, government agencies collaborated with each other, and no one knew whose they were. Finally it was deemed 'mass hysteria.'  Sorry, guys.. you tried this one earlier.  One of the people who saw a drone was the captain of an airliner who said it flew too close to his plane. He must've been part of mass hysteria too. Here's how you find out whose drone it is: shoot it down and see who comes a-knockin.



SJW Sports

University of California Berkeley apologized for saying xenophobia was a normal reaction to Coronavirus.

The Pizza Has Developed Ants

What's the best thing to say to a very mad, agitated person?
Calm down.
It's the best thing because it will piss the person off more, providing additional entertainment for you.

• Today's best police call: Car vs House
• Todays worst tv utterance: This olympic sprinter is taking it all in stride
• One can purchase vegan shampoo. Hopefully it's caffeine and gluten free
• When is life officially over? When you've been told you're no longer welcome at Walmart.

Perhaps it's better that Wife and I are not in the same room (or house) in the morning. So far I've been interrupted six times with Various Important Stories from whatever morning show is giving her ideas.

If you want to protect your kids from being tagged Nerd, you better get ready for Inside Out Pants. Yes, pants that look like they're inside out. Buy seven at only $1,100 per pair! Think of it as an investment in your kids' mental health and self-esteem.

The mascot for the Trenton Thunder, some sort of sports team, is a pork roll. Although that might be a plus for some locals, it proves we're beyond embarrassment. Why not the Trenton Scrapple? Probably because there's already a scrapple team in Philly.

The Good Neighbor, who Marshall trained to feed him on command, picked Tuesday to hose down the outside. Spritz. Spritz. Only she doesn't leave the hose on... no.... Spritz. Spritz. Spritz.

Hey, I should try to fix this.. Spritz. Spritz. Spritz.
Laptop..Spritz. Spritz. Spritz. Tonight..Spritz. Spritz. Spritz. Spritz.
You know what would be gr... Spritz. Spritz. Spritz. A malt! Spritz. Spritz.
She's a really nice neigh..Spritz. Spritz. Spritz.
Ever see a garden hose enema? Spritz. Spritz. Spriiiiiiitz. Spritz.

• Our good friends at PETA, because they haven't gotten much press lately, have demanded that Aretha Franklin's (RIP) family donate her furs to Charity. 
• I'm in Deep DooDoo because one of my readers is a member. As an animal lover, I agree with some of their platform, but they are a bit silly sometimes. I miss Act Up, the AIDS group, which would pull very silly public stunts, like carrying coffins and throwing condoms. Those people were creative.
• PETA got caught euthanizing dogs a while back, so their authority is somewhat questionable. Ultimately, my commitment to free speech overrules anything else.
• I am informed that the demanded furs are to make PETA's rescues comfortable. I love comfortable animals, but this strikes me as somewhat hypocritical.
• Perhaps ThermionicEmissions needs to start publicly demanding things... I demand Hollywood actors and actresses do unpaid internships at Second Amendment organizations. I demand the executives of major social media sites (FB, Twitter, Google) do unpaid internships at First Amendment organizations. I demand that the president take creative writing and when to shut up courses. I demand that Steven Segal donate his 1954 left-handed Stratocaster to ThermionicEmissions and $500,000 to left-handed charities. If he can't find any left-handed charities, start one.

Q.  How do you have the Best Sex Ever with Hollywood actresses?

1. get naked
2. get on top and start the fun
3. whisper in her ear, "I just made a donation in your name to the NRA."
4. hold on for dear life.

Really bad broadcast television is showing up all over the place. You know - the channels way up in the UHF band. They run all sorts of ancient shows, probably because copyright has expired or some other ridiculous reason. Today's treat was Adam 12, where you can hear phrases like "Don't give me that jive" and "what about the fuzz". I heard a familiar voice and looked up - Mickey Dolenz (The Monkees), as "Oiler", per the credits. After that, it's Emergency (KMG365 is their call sign). Some classic Bad TV. Who would have imagined that their large box radio used to call the hospital would turn into a small thing that everybody carries, with all the answers?

• Know what's telling and depressing? When watching COPS, I might find the police arresting a really cute female. Within seconds, I find out they're being arrested for meth or something. Yeah, I like them skinny. And drug-dependent, apparently.
• I also notice that most of the people pulled over have much nicer cars than me. They're not employed and I have a good job. I still love my Hyundai, and will buy another one when the time comes.

I just saw my second commercial for Born Like this. Still no idea why people watch it. The commercial was about two people in the show getting married. It is absolutely adorable when my dogs occasionally had their tongue hanging out the side of their mouth. After seeing the bride's face, I'd prefer my wife not do that. And that's all I have to say about that.

• Today I got email letting me know ukulele kits are 50% off. Of course they're 50% off - it's rude to play ukulele or speak French in public.

Google (Do Evil), due to a flaw in their Chrome browser, can associate your incognito data to your other identified data. Of course Google claims they don't do this, and they'd have no reason to lie (see FB).  This also includes android data from Chrome on your phone. All of this comes courtesy of one of their ad partners. I'm pretty sure the stock android browser is built on Chrome.

I don't want to point out an issue without offering a solution. 
The obvious: Don't have anything to do with Google. This includes Google the search engine (use duckduckgo.com). You can de-Google your android phone, but it's beyond the scope of this missive (take your email address off the phone and use an alternate store like apkmirror.com or aptoide.com). Don't use gmail because it's read and because it's Google. Install a good ad blocker, which will go quite a bit toward keeping your information private. If you can root your phone, you'll get the best protection (do a search on rooting unless your carrier is Verizon, which won't be rooted). Don't use Chrome browser or the stock android browser. Use Firefox, Waterfox, and others, on your desktop too. Also make sure the browser isn't based on Chrome.

You'll get a lot of information by doing a search. You can also ask here.

The Mailbox

I was ahead of the curve when I was very little. Tools were acquired and I liked to play with stuff. I took vacuums apart and somehow managed to get them back together. This is extremely odd and ironic, as I want nothing to do with them today. 

Now that I'm a homeowner, these skills come in handy.

Actually these skills would come in handy.

But they don't actually come in handy.

I don't know what the hell happened, but I have gone Stupid. I still have my tools, some of which are actually in my toolbox, except for philips screwdrivers, which are like socks, disappearing into the Matrix. I just don't use them.

When I can, I prefer to pay or barter for fixing things.

A few years back, a brother-in-law, who could build a barn out of a piece of wood and two matchsticks, came by and showed me how to install a mailbox. Turned out to be pretty easy, but I had no way of knowing.  Unfortunately the brother-in-law, as well as the mailbox, are gone. Well, almost gone. The mailbox is leaning precariously. Poor mailman.

After way too long of beating me about the head, my wife 'convinced' me to install the new one. I was worried, as it had been here long enough to rot, like the old one. It actually looked relatively easy (cue ominous music). The first thing was to ignore any sort of concrete and literally put a screw into the ground. When I say screw, I mean a thing slightly larger than a baseball bat, with threads. They gave us a piece of 3/4" thick rebar to twist it into the ground. I got this, I said to myself, which, unfortunately, I said out loud. I began screwing (shut up) and discovered it was failing to screw, even putting all my considerable weight into it. Ok, maybe I hit concrete. I moved left and screwed again, with exactly the same result. IS MY ENTIRE HOUSE BUILT ON IRON or slabs of concrete? I sat down on the steps, with water dripping off me. I couldn't tell if it was sweat or tears. Probably both. I went into the Wayback Machine, when my tools and I could actually complete a task successfully.

One foot over proved to be the key and it screwed in fairly easily, by which I mean halfway.

It was the nastiest part of summer. Ninety degrees with close to ninety percent humidity. Walking down the front steps provided enough sweat to require a shower, no less screwing something into stubborn grass and dirt. Sweat was dripping all over me. Don't forget, I'm a network security guy. The most exercise I get is walking to my computer (and scouring the house for a philips screwdriver). I was a mess. After getting the screw to its estimated height, it was time to attach the baseball bat sized 4x4. This attached with very long screws, for stability. The whole thing was well engineered and very simple for those who aren't simple and can assemble things. I really missed my brother-in-law, moreso. The screws required a socket wrench or box wrench to install, as they were three inches long. I ran to get my handy sockets, which were, for some reason, all together in my toolbox.  I noticed I didn't have a box wrench in that size anyway, so it was the socket set. I was so proud to have the right tool at the right time. I got to screwing and quickly noticed that the wrench itself had a stripped gear, barely catching for long enough to turn the socket. Oops.. in the deepest recesses of my failed memory, there was a wrench that I was going to take to Sears and exchange, because of the lifetime Craftsman warranty. A long time ago. Really long.

I got two screws in far enough for the 4x4 to stand damn near vertically. Since most of the house (and its occupants) stand damn near vertically, it didn't look out of place. All I needed was to finish screwing (shut up, still) and the thing would be done. Since it was wobbly, we put the mailbox part on the step for the time being. Poor mailman. And it was off to Sears for the replacement ratchet. When I say off to Sears, I mean it went on The List. Weeks later, we still haven't made it to Sears, the post continues to lean precariously, and the mailbox has taken up near permanent residence on the step. And Wife keeps telling me we need to finish the mailbox. Like most bosses, 'we' means 'you'.  To be fair, 'we' have had Very Important Issues, preventing us from getting out. I believe her when she tells me this, although I have no real idea what the Very Important Issues are. Since I'm married, I'm happy to take her word for it. Happy Wife, Happy Life.

I was hoping to get out today, provided there were no Very Important Issues preventing us from going. After all, it's the weekend and I was up at the crack of noon. I stumbled down the stairs drunkenly, which was a shame because I don't drink.

I promise to keep everyone updated, should the mailbox become completed, perhaps because the brother-in-law resurrected long enough to complete it. Poor mailman.