Morning Late in the Afternoon

Your love is like   green eggs and spam

So, Trump's in trouble again.

Today I identify as  the only "offensive" street sign in California that hasn't been changed

Respected snake researcher dies from rattlesnake bite

No one saw it coming....

Why Are People Moving Out of California?

They hit their heads on the renamed politically correct street signs and experienced a moment of clarity?

• When are the supply chain issues going to end? 

Conspiracy Theories and Uncertainty About Monkeypox Are Spreading Really, Really Fast

Let's clear our heads for a moment and think about what happened with the Flying AIDS, then wonder why there are conspiracy theories. It doesn't seem that far out to me...

So I was sleeping, kinda. I got up for a moment and cursed the guy next door, who was pounding on something. I wondered how early it was and how he had the nerve to be making that kind of racket on a Sunday.  Looking at my watch, I grumbled because he was banging in the morning at 2:30pm. Oh. It was entirely possible I needed some sleep the previous night. They call it a sleep deficit. Of course it's a sleep deficit; it can spend some quality time with my house deficit, car deficit, sex deficit, and financial deficit. It's a life of deficits, as some annoying old man said hundreds of years ago. Wife celebrated by falling out of bed. She doesn't drink either.

So at 2:30, I came to the stunning realization that Wife didn't set her alarm for early, so we could visit one of those 'quaint' little towns in the morning. I asked, but she was too busy falling out of bed to answer. I suddenly realized what a tremendous idea she had. No one bothers you for anything when you fall out of bed. I could make a career out of it, but I fear the floor isn't padded well enough to protect my body after a few tries. I could get one of those Traumatic Ass Injuries. Plus I think she doesn't like setting her alarm because then she'll have to wake me. This is an activity best performed from across the street. Or across the state. I am not pleasant when awakened. Come to think of it, I am not pleasant.

After falling out of bed lost its steam and became boring, I left the bed, in search of coffee. The bed is a bad place to get coffee, kind of like the basement. Since I haven't gotten my Coffee-to-the-Desktop app going, I'm limited to the general area of the coffeemaker. After making myself a proper cup of brown gold, I found the effort taxing and was ready for my first nap of the day. This is what weekends are for. Weekdays too, as soon as I get my boss to approve it.  

It's a beautiful day out, with nice summer temperatures (it's not 90). We have lots of sunlight left, so it's good napping weather. Since I'm awake, the neighbor has stopped pounding on whatever he was pounding on. If we go by the obvious clues, he purchased the house to wake me up. It gets listed as a skill on his resume.

I heroically decided to push through the tired and find something to do. When not napping, sitting is good, so off I went. Unfortunately that was the end of my ideas of what to do, so I needed something that required little awakeness, thought, or effort. That's why I'm typing this now. Unfortunately, sitting is usually a prelude to getting tired, requiring a nap. I am unsure if this counts as my second nap or first nap, even though I didn't avail myself of the first one. I couldn't spend any more time on this kind of frivolity, so I figured it would solve itself during the nap sometime.  After a few well-had naps, it turned out to be 6:00. 6:00 is one of those times. It occurs every day at the same time. To some it's dinner time. In our case, we both sat there, staring at each other, inquiring what we were having for breakfast. No, it's not dinner just because it's 6:00. It's my first meal of the day, so it's breakfast - sue me.

Wife asked me what time to set her alarm for tomorrow morning. I smell a trap.

No, they're absolutely not tracking you

• Facebook’s In-app Browser on iOS Tracks ‘Anything You Do on Any Website’

 

• Facebook can track your Internet history and credit card number on other websites

 

• Data brokers amass profiles of pregnant women – and, of course, it's all up for sale

 

• GM Makes $1,500 OnStar Subscription Mandatory on GMC, Buick, Cadillac Models

 

• Amazon’s Roomba Deal Is Really About Mapping Your Home

           (told you so... now Bloomberg agrees)

 

• 'Ring Nation' Is Amazon's Reality Show for Our Surveillance Dystopia

There are two kinds of people; men and women.

No, there are four kinds of people; men, women, now, and eventually.

I'm a man and a now.

Wife is a woman (really!) and an eventually. It is safe to say that if we had a fire, she would take so long to get ready, she wouldn't make it out.

This can best be illustrated by the simple act of getting out of the car.

We went to a hamfest, which is an electronic flea market, concentrating on amateur radio. This is fun for me, even if I can't explain why. I park, open the door, and head straight for the tables. This is also what happens at restaurants. It is not so simple for Wife. Wife is not a girly girl, so none of this involves makeup or hair manipulation.

Park. Step out. Close door. Let's ROCK!

She is still in her seat.

Gets tangled in seatbelt. 

Does things with pocketbook.

Looks for stuff.

"Can you open the trunk?"

Yes, Dear, now that I've locked the door, let me unlock it and open the trunk.

Does more things with pocketbook.

Fills out raffle ticket for tomorrow, after intense search for pen.

Steps out door.

Remembers something else she needs.

At this point, I'm tired of idling and moving toward agitated.

What do you need in the trunk? 

"A bag, in case we buy anything."

Smart.

"I wonder if I should bring the black mesh one. The flowery one is bigger. I really like the blue one with elephants in a barbershop quartet."

JUST GRAB A BAG 

"Oh, I called my mom yesterday. She said...."

Can we please get moving? 

"Oh, sorry. But just let me tell you this."

NO. 

"Mom said my sister is visiting for the summer. Isn't that something?"

Oh yeah, it's something alright. I just don't know WHAT 

"What are we doing for dinner?"

Is there any way we can move this along a bit? The flea market closes in four hours and I wanted to see a few tables.... 

"Oh, sorry. I'm thirsty."

Didn't you bring your water bottle? 

"I forgot."

Anything else? 

"I have to go to the bathroom."

I told all of you to go before we left. 

"I'll go to the building and look for one."

Why are we standing here, outside the building? 

"I need a cigarette."

My entire fscking life is run by cigarettes and I don't even smoke. 

"Where can I get a soda?"

At home, or one of the 37 convenience stores we passed on the way here. How about that coffee we stopped for?

"I want soda."

Of course you do.

"Ooh, did you see her earrings?"

No, I don't track earrings. I was looking at her breasts.

"I'll bet you were."

Hey, don't get on my case - I'm a Subject Matter Expert.

"I'm going to ask her about the earrings."

You better hurry up - the hamfest just closed and everybody's packed up. Maybe next time we should arrive two hours in advance, so we can see something. Anything at all. Or we could save a lot of gas by not going. 

Me: now.  She: eventually.

If I ‘Had a Penis’ I’d Be President
Elizabeth Warren slams disgusting misogyny of Democratic voters

I call fake news. Warren could just identify as a penis.

 

CDC no longer gently recommends COVID precautions most weren’t following anyway

Unvaccinated people no longer need to quarantine and physical distancing is de-emphasized.

They. Have. No. Fscking. Idea.

Dad restrains woman who stripped to underwear and tried to storm Jet2 cockpit - twice, yelling 'Allahu Akbar'

It turns out that this is the new in-flight entertainment. If the woman is attractive, they let her into the cockpit.

Knife-wielding muslim attacks Salman Rushdie, ruins eye, puts him on ventilator.

This is your brain on religion

 It's bad enough we're stuck with Old Joe; Nancy Pelosi is 82. In 2018, she promised not to run again for House dem leader, but forgot and is running again. Dementia? Nah, naked political greed.

Study claims doctors aren’t warning young women about the dangers of anal intercourse

study also finds doctors aren't telling young women how much fun it is

A walrus, a protected species, was euthanized in Oslo because they couldn't guarantee the safety of people, who wouldn't stop coming up to her, sometimes taking pictures, sometimes with children.

Why didn't they just euthanize the people?

We're a sad species.

So I picked on Alice Cooper for golfing. His stories about interactions with other famous people are hilarious. Elvis, Raquel Welch, Peter Sellers, Mae West, and more.

 

Snowmageddon! (March Edition)

Well, it's that time again. Having skirted snow and had many days where a light jacket was ok, it's March and we're through the hard part of winter. Oops, maybe not.  One (very) loyal reader alerted me that my area was about to get some weather. My local forecast said a number of thirty-two degree days, so I said thanks. It took another twenty-four hours until I actually looked at the forecast (I'm pretty quick) and noticed we were in for a little snow (and when I say little, I mean 6-12" or more).

The Philadelphia area is populated, like many cities, by complete idiots, forecasters who cannot forecast, and services that grind to a shrieking halt the moment 1/4" of snow is forecast, no less falls. In recent memory was the day the entire school system was closed and it didn't even bother to snow. Naturally, with the 1/4" of snow is the requisite PANIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Bread and milk disappear from every shelf. Sidewalk salt, shovels, snowblowers, and snails (maybe not) are in short supply. And if history is any indication, Philly will still be digging out next March. This will be mirrored in quite a lot of cities, as this one is supposed to be a whopper. Of course there are a bunch of cities that know how to deal with snow, but they're no fun to write about. This dance is repeated each time it snows, with absolutely nothing learned from any time in the past.

• According to something I read on the internet, world's largest and most factual source of information, Aerosmith is no more. Among reasons mentioned was health, as guitarists Joe Perry had a heart attack onstage with his side band (no word on what effect that had on his playing, but best of health to him). Tony Iommi, lefty guitarist for Black Sabbath, who played the final date of their final tour last week, said it's very bad for one's health to be touring at his age.
• WTF has happened to rock and roll? (it has aged, apparently) - rock stars used to overdose on drugs - now they die of cancer. I hope I die before I get old is now I better cash in on yet another (high quality farewell/comeback) tour. And now bands are calling it quits because they're getting old? Hell, Alice Cooper dyes his hair black and is always in motion. Steven Tyler is unlikely to sit down (ever) and goes to show you what happens to the ADHD kid who can't keep still in class. Jeff Beck is better and busier than ever, in his seventies. Bands are doing comeback tours, with damn near some of the original members. Where was I going with this?

Our good friends at the FBI are dropping all charges* in a child-porn case rather than release the details of how they hacked Tor to get the information. Think about this one for a bit...  *the case is being dismissed without prejudice, meaning they can take it up again later. Meanwhile they can continue to use this hack against anyone, criminal or innocent person.

• Malware was just discovered (pre-installed) on a bunch of android cell phones. What's different here is that the malware was not part of the software sent by the manufacturers. It was installed later. Any guesses? Check the article's list of affected phones. If yours is on the list, scan with a very good scanner (I like Malwarebytes, available free from the Play Store- set it to run weekly). 
• There are also lists of infected files to look for. My phone is listed but passes the scan and doesn't have the infected files. Two of the pieces of malware steal information, display illegitimate ads, and lock all your files for a ransom. 
• The problem here is what to do if you find malware. The article is laughingly free of details as to what to do, just mentioning scanning. My initial recommendation is that if your phone is over a few years old, scrap it and get a new one. If it's more recent, normal humans don't have a lot of remedies, short of contacting the carrier/manufacturer and asking what they're going to do about it.  The more tech-oriented of us can root the device and remove the files. As it is, the phones contain operating and other files that a normal user cannot touch/modify/erase. Root gives you Ultimate User privileges and will allow you a full reign of terror to do what you wish, including possibly turning your phone into a very expensive paperweight. If you're interested in rooting, the best guides are at Android Forums.
• How does anybody at all get hold of phones between the manufacturer and retailers and install malware with root privileges? We know it has already happened before with laptops and networking hardware.

Let me say something nice about Samsung on a very large carrier. Umm... it has a decent coverage area? My wife's phone is a mess, and I say that politely. It started with the contacts getting foobed beyond belief. It scrambled like eggs, mismatching first and last names; I came up as lefty Smith, Smith being one of her doctors. Shortly thereafter, my contact picture came up as that of a third person. So when the phone rings, she's not sure whether it's the person in the picture, the first name, or the last name.  As if Scrambled Contacts is not bad enough, it continues to modify and confuse, in a less than exciting way. 

Not to be outdone, the text messaging sends all texts into the ether, requiring up to three hours to arrive at my phone. This has caused all sorts of 'amusing' situations. A trip to the carrier fixed Something, but Something was a problem that had nothing to do with the carrier. I hate to say it, but either the phone needs to be replaced (the 2nd one so far) or has to be blown out and reset to factory original specs. This will (further) screw up the contacts, requiring a complete descrambling - hours of work. 

• A bill has been introduced to make porn-viewing illegal for federal government workers, because it's a waste of time. Not addressed were the three thousand other ways federal workers waste time. This is an example of knee-jerk piss poor legislation, pandering to a certain population. Isn't it already wrong to waste time, regardless of how?

Words of widsom: if you're having trouble standing, you might want to sit.

• Carleton University (Canada) has removed a weight scale from gym after students call it "triggering". Next up: banning tight outfits, as it makes the fat kids uncomfortable.