Fishing for Washing Machines

Many thanks to my non-US visitors. There are a lot of countries represented, although I can't imagine this blog translating to anything or anywhere else.

Also thanks to US visitors for our second 4500+ visitor days.
Something in the counter for this blog is on acid, but I'm not complaining. I shouldn't have killed the ads.



The Goog is in trouble. Read the article for only minor horrors about how the Fair and Balanced search engine works, and how many fingers are on the results you see. Yet another reason to use Duckduckgo. You can tell goog is important because they've already lied to Congress.


So long as we're talking about my favorite megacorporations, Apple banned all 181 vaping-related apps from their store, over concern about the possible health impacts of vaping. Cigarettes, anyone?

Since the next story caused too much of a headache to research, I figured why not vaping? Why not vaping indeed. I don't understand this concept, specifically why one needs an app for it. You appear to stick something in your mouth and inhale - why does this require an app?  So I checked... the first few search results were from vaping organizations(!), so I looked. The reviews were for top 5 vaping apps. One was "basically a Faceyspaces for vapers". Another was a calculator (because vaping affects your ability to spell). It shows Stuff About Coils, voltage, and how many cancerous additives to use. E-liquid recipes? Wow, a cookbook for your lungs! There's even an app that allows you to wish for and select the type of cancer you might get!

The best was an app that calculates how many ciggies you have not smoked since you 'quit' and how much money you've saved. The review doesn't mention whether it adds the cost of vaping in there anywhere, since you didn't quit, so much as change the Nicotine Delivery System<tm>.

I checked with my in-house expert, who looked at me quizically, and said she had no idea why one would need an app. You just stick it in your mouth and breathe (until you can't breathe anymore).

But wait!!! A brand-specific app allows you connect the device via BlueTooth, so you can "explore new capabilities".  Try that with your generic old cancer stick.

The greatest thing about vaping can never be controlled.. it's Smug. Yes, Smug: the feeling you get when you quit smoking cigarettes. People 'quit', then walk around with these things in their mouth. Some walk around with these things in their mouth for the rest of their lives, and boast that they've quit cigarettes. Umm... it's supposed to be a step-down program, not an Alternate Delivery System.

The FDA, which is Very Concerned about this, has banned flavored vaping, so as not to appeal to children. Vaping manufacturers have taken Great Offense at the insinuation they're marketing to children, and insist that Lungy, the single-lunged camel, and the YooHoo, Coke, bubblegum, and chocolate flavors are just great sellers.

ThermionicEmissions is aware that nicotine is more addictive than crack and it's borderline impossible to quit.

• I've been thinking of redesigning the blog, or at very least, making ThermionicMalware less incredibly ugly.
• I could use some input, so let's do this: if you like the way this blog looks, do nothing. If you think it should be changed, do nothing.
• If you appreciate the amazing ugliness of the other blog, do nothing. If you desperately desire a redesign so the Geneva Convention doesn't prohibit looking at it, do nothing.
• I looked back at the beginning of the blog and noticed a semi-active comments section. Drag your friends here and start commenting!

Physicists capture first footage of quantum knots unraveling in superfluid.
Yes, Superfluid - the Liquid Crimefighter! Disguised as a puddle with a teeny tiny cape, it's Superfluid. Wetter than water! Stronger than Regularfluid! Able to leap tall glasses of chocolate milk in a single bound... it's Superfluid!*

*I love me some quantum physics, but this is so far down in the dust, I can't make sense of it. People who understand it will probably be ok with the article. The footage captured was of a quantum knot, decaying into a spin vortex. Got it?

A quantum knot is what happens when you pull your shoelace to untie it. It never unties smoothly and you wind up with a quantum knot: the kind it takes 10 minutes and a woman to remove.

Also included was a picture of the equipment used to generate quantum gas (read the damn article). Blogspot will not allow me to include a picture of what generates quantum gas where this blog is typed. Why am I still using Tiny Font?




Dear lefty

• Why aren't HD cameras working out in cars as crash cams?
• Because drivers turn them around and take selfies.

Ever have one of those days? Of course you did.
My situation strings together a lot of those days, after which I type them here for your entertainment. This morning I was jolted awake by the light being on. It was the light Mrs lefty turned on, as she pointed to the small lake in the middle of the bed. Logically speaking, one of us had put it there. Since it wasn't me, that left 2. Since Penny hasn't peed in the house since right after we got her, that left 1. And the 1 was Penny. She probably has a UTI, as she never fails to alert us, sometimes by walking on our sleeping heads, that she has to go outside.

We bought this bed almost new, and have already caused more damage than it got since it was put together.  My father gave me his very worn but reliable car, which sprouted a dent the first week I drove it to work. Then it started overheating. The cherry on top was when the tree limb from hell fell on it, smashing the rear window and various body bits. Mind you, none of this was my fault, unless you call owning it my fault.

My grandparents gave us this wonderful old dining room set; waaaay older than me. Simply getting it to the house caused more damage than the 50 years they had it. This stuff just happens.

Since Dad had the unmitigated audacity to die and Mom doesn't drive, we're getting the car. I would strongly advise you not to come within several states of it.

• If you have Chrome or a Chrome-based browser, why is it almost impossible to get a cookie blocking extension? All the cookie managers let you play with the cookies. I don't want to play with cookies, I want to deny or accept cookies, on a per-site basis. I finally found a developer-related addon that does this. Idiots.

Today I identify as pudding.



There is something fascinating about Tunnel Boring Machines (TBMs).
Not fascinating is they're very temperamental and frequently require maintenance. They carry a small train behind them to get all the dirt out from boring.



No thank you, I'd rather debate politics in front of the White House



Because I'm a musician (allegedly), you get stuck with weird stories and recommendations. Today it's Paul Williams. If you're under 30(?) you may not remember him. You might know some of his songs, though: We've Only Just Begun (Carpenters), "Rainy Days and Mondays" (Carpenters), "You and Me Against the World" (Helen Reddy), "An Old Fashioned Love Song" (3 Dog Night), "Let Me Be the One", and "The Rainbow Connection" (Muppets). Embarrassingly, theme from the Love Boat (hopefully you don't remember that either). He won Grammys, Golden Globes, and Academy awards. He was bloody huge around the 70s.  Later on, excess got to him, he got clean, and is a certified drug and alcohol counselor, in addition to a very gifted writer. It's unclear if he wrote the music too, as it seems to be credited to 2 or 3 people. He was also a huge tv star, with an uncountable amount of appearances on the Tonight Show (Johnny Carson, anyone?), movies, and other tv shows. He's a funny little dude (5'2"), with a huge personality.

Just watched a documentary, kinda, on Paul, called Paul Williams - Still Alive. It's both funny and sad, in many different ways. The fellow who made the movie approached it as a fan, wanting to make a movie, and also become buddies with its subject. If you look carefully, you can find it online.

I'm going to flash back... way back, to my mom's record collection. Before I started playing guitar, I would listen to her albums (round black things, with a tiny hole in the center, pre-CD, pre-MP3). I discovered Joe Cocker there, which started me off on the right foot, as well as Procol Harum. I gave her Little Feat and the Allman Brothers, so it was even.  Among the records was Paul Williams - A Little Bit of Love. For whatever reason, I fell in love with it. It's bizarre, as this is not my forte, by a long shot (Mom, ya done good). Many years later, I still remember the songs, or parts of them (my musical memory is beyond weird).

In the movie, a lot of people said they were drawn to his music by the words, which dealt with loss and being lost. I think I was drawn by the music, then the words, but I'm generally not a words guy.

I saw him, many years later, in the Minneapolis Airport. He kinda stared at me, and I could hear his thoughts: What the hell is THAT? I really should have chatted with him.

Give him a listen, as well as the people who sang his songs.

• Bose continues their innovation, this time in headphones. Their phones have 130 microscopic drivers (70 facing outward), alleging that you get the full fidelity from them, plus 4 racks of pre-processing.
• The above is hysterical if you remember their 901s.

Heroes of the Stupid


Apple fired an employee who went through a woman's pictures and forwarded one to himself. He was very sorry (for getting caught) and had no idea how it happened.   Apple apparently hires people from Geek Squad.

Apple allows you to install other browsers on the iDevice, but they can never be the default. Regardless of what you install, it's only a fancy wrapper, because all browsers are required to use Apple's rendering engine.

Denver is suing a business owner for refusing to pick up the feces of homeless people who defecate on his property.

Australia wants to use facial recognition for porn age verification.




SJW Output

Anyone should be allowed to 'identify' as black, regardless of skin color or background, according to university leaders in the UK. In unrelated news, Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton had stereo heart attacks today.


There’s no one way to be a man.
Men who get their periods are men.
Men who get pregnant and give birth are men.
Trans and non-binary men belong.
#InternationalMensDay - courtesy of the ACLU, which is getting sillier with age


A studio exec has suggested Julia Roberts play Harriet Tubman.
This is every bit as stupid as demanding black and female actors play white male roles.


Millennials say workplace 'Secret Santa' gift exchange causes anxiety.
Know what else causes anxiety? Getting fired.

This Blog Needs More Diversity and Inclusion

Some guy on tv is arguing that more diversity is needed in government, to celebrate a large pool of skills and foster inclusion.

He went on to say he bases himself on Martin Luther King.
I'm not MLK's biographer, but my understanding is that Dr. King wanted black people to elevate themselves, not be given preference because of their color.



ThermionicEmissions would like to thank the president for not bombing Iraq. Or Iran. We predicted the warmongers would win and thus far, they haven't. We need to eradicate constant war and focus on Home.




Entertainment News

• Led Zeppelin's legal team will be headed back to court over the charges they stole the intro to Stairway to Heaven. The last trial was set aside because the judge didn't give the correct instructions to the jury. The forty attorneys for the Zep expect their side will do well.
• There is a new Adam Sandler movie.. but who cares?

Florida News

A Florida man was arrested after dancing naked and "trying to have relations with a railing" at McDonald's. McDonalds now serves aphrodisiacs?

A Florida man told deputies the cocaine on his nose was not his.

An Uber driver's ear detached during a fight at a Florida airport.
Spontaneously?hot

Philly News

A Philly woman was fatally stabbed in a dispute over a parking space.

This is normal in a city that believes triple parking is a God-given right.

Dear lefty:

• Why do so many young ladies post naked pictures of themselves on Reddit?
• To answer the question accurately, I will need the exact locations of the pictures.

As I type this, the 90 year old neighbor is mowing her lawn. Again. Weekly.

I should probably feel bad I have to be forced to mow mine every few weeks.

We tried to get a service to do both lawns, but she says she likes mowing. Somehow, the list of things I want to be able to do when I'm 90 does not include mowing. Hell, the list of things I want to do now doesn't include mowing.

90 - wow.

I know someone who found out, overnight, he was going into hospice due to  cancer. What do you say in this situation? We don't deal well with death as a society to begin with...

After a period of deep introspection, I decided we need some up to date greeting cards

• Sorry You're Dying
• Sorry I Gave You Herpes
• Can I Have Your Girlfriends (When You Die)?
• Sorry Your Social Media Accounts Got Hacked
• I Love to Sing (at funerals)

Hallmark has not responded to my suggestions yet.

Speaking of death and introspection, there will be an auction of the late Burt Reynolds' possessions soon. The items range from credit cards to boots to his one-off Camaro for the Bandit movies.

You and I are nobody (I think). We are extremely unlikely to see our Stuff auctioned after we go wherever we go, if we go at all. 

Think about it: somebody had to go into his house and collect these things. 

Would you want your entire life to be auctioned off upon your passing? ("I won't care" is one acceptable answer.)

What kind of Stuff will be found post-mortem?

Your collection of 1970s Playboys

Farrah Fawcett and Kim Karsdashian posters

A drawer full of condoms, way past their expiration date

The chair you farted in for the last 30 years of your life

Your collection of belly button lint (from others)

27 small hard drives full of 1980s porn

43 used socks

The password to your Faceyspaces account

It's damn creepy, from the point of view of the living.

It also raises way too many ugly philosophical questions.

• I have a lot of trouble remembering things said to me yesterday, but I can identify some of the officers on LivePD by name (including the dogs).
• I have a lot of trouble remembering things said to me yesterday, but

Why is it that we can't bring a 4oz bottle on a plane but you can walk through our southern border?  Apparently Security Theater does not apply across the board...

Don't you want to kill me?

Don't Let Them Tell You It's Not Personal

Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you...


Penny the English cocker went to the vet for the first time, and was discovered to have a bump on her butt. According to the biopsy, she has cancer.

Of course she has cancer.
Marshall, our boy of 13 years, died of cancer.
Penny, our girl of 5 months, has cancer.

In case you ever wondered about PTSD, looking at Penny and seeing Marshall and going into a panic would define it.

The English cocker people didn't wait for an explanation and told me exactly what and where the cancer was. Hopefully a removal will stop it.

This poor girl, a stray, doesn't deserve this.
She'd been waiting for a home for a while and has settled in wonderfully, setting things up to run the entire house soon.


C'mon - what are the odds?

We're not through paying off Marshall's healthcare loans yet.

Kill the Turkey

Turkey reheated.
Turkey sandwiches.
Turkey soup.
Stuffing sandwiches.
Throw out the bloody cranberry lump that Aunt Joan made to look like it just came out of a can, complete with lines....

• So the Remaining Royal got engaged. Fortunately there's absolutely nothing else going on in the known universe, so television, news, the internet, and people on the street can be completely absorbed in this great bloody nonsense. 
• As a Murkin, I'll obviously never understand the Royals and Britain's Royal Fascination. Not to mention the finances and ancient nefarious connections.
• Out here in the Real World<tm>, it turns out that people get engaged, marry, get knocked up, and divorce all the time.  Not one of us rates a notice, news story, or full Social Media Blitz.
• Sometimes, before or after engagement, sperm hits its target and a pregnancy results. Again, not so much as two lines on Faceyspaces, with four likes. The morning 'news' program has spent two full days on this. When we got married, we sent out email announcements. Not a single response, because everyone thought we were kidding. Imagine - me, kidding!

WARNING: if you need to wear a shirt with GORGEOUS or sweatpants with BOOTYLICIOUS on them, you're not.

• But it's ok - for the rest of us, who are sick of Royal News, there is still time to catch the ponderous, endless stream of Dog the Bounty Hunter marathon on A&E.
• Mrs. Dog, sadly, has cancer. This is not a problem for the show, which smelled ratings!
• If possible, they are going to livestream her chemo. Yes, the guy whose dog just went through chemo is now making human chemo jokes.

Those of you who survived Turkey Day lived to see Black Friday. This is a manufactured event, in which people are supposed to buy Stuff that's supposed to be on sale. Some of these deep-researching geniuses have come up with the perfect item that must be purchased and wait in line to purchase it, sometimes in tents. Things get interesting when they somehow manage to get inside the store. Things get even more interesting when there are tv cameras there, which document the carnage for the area and the rest of the world, via YouTube, to see. People pushing, people shoving, people taking sharp and blunt objects to each other - and that's in the parking lot. This is a sociology experiment gone really wrong twenty years ago, hence its repetition every year.

So you've pretty much digested your turkey and the alarm went off at 3am, and here you are at [insert generic electronics store that is not at all Best Buy], with the doors just opening and General Unrest rearing his ugly head. The great mass of (in)humanity surges toward the door. Unfortunately, physics dictates that the width of the great mass of humanity go through the choke point of two doors, so humanity goes ahead and chokes. Each other, if necessary. People have died by falling and being Trampled Underfoot (2nd song reference - did you get the first?). After hopefully making it through the doors, you vault ahead, as if shot from a slingshot, to the... I dunno.. where did we want to go?

The Prepared Shopper, whose tent is insulated and has flowing booze, sprints right to their preferred, highly-researched item. Oh, so sorry... the large screen tv that takes up an entire wall and connects to your neural pathways, is not in stock. You discover that there was only one for sale anyway, and that went to Ralph, the manager's girlfriend's special son, the previous evening. Oh well, at least you got to stay in a freezing parking lot overnight.

The Real Hip Genuine 2000s Smart Consumer, who really has her shit together, has also been doing her research, but only for what's coming on Cyber Monday. This is a veritable online orgy of alleged deals from innumerable retail outlets, only these don't require a tent or getting up at 4am, hence it doesn't really count as Family Time. These poor slobs have also been deluded into the false belief that there are some actual deals to be had. While there are no apparent limits on large screen tvs for sale, you will run into them in terms of finding out they're no longer in stock, approximately two days before Christmas. 

This shit is mandatory, in case you didn't get the email.

The email, by the way, promised deals in every department, backed up by incredibly annoying tv commercials, featuring singing flipping boxes, belting out the worst vomitous soft classic rock tunes from your misspent youth. 

This email is markedly different from the email from a random Nigerian prince, promising you untold wealth, if you'd only send him your banking information. It turns out you can't even pirouette in Nigeria without hitting a prince.

If you happen to be a musician and mysteriously got on the emailing list for Guitar Center, you're in for a real treat. I counted eleven emails over the weekend, all with promotions for Black Friday and Cyber Monday, plus a 25% discount coupon, good on anything in the store, except for two paragraphs of exceptions at the bottom of the email. If you take the time to do the math, you can save 25% on your choice of (new only) guitar picks or those tiny little rubber things that go on the bottom of boxes so they don't slip. This is the package of six tiny little things, not the thirteen piece pack. I expect their manager to be personally knocking on my door tomorrow, asking why I haven't used my coupon yet. He already sent me three emails. When he comes by, I'll ask him about left-handed guitars. The coupon, of course, applies to new lefty guitars, but they happen to be out of them. And when I say out of them, I mean they don't stock them, or happen to be caught naked with two cheapies hanging on the wall, one of which is used, which is not covered by the coupon. For some reason, it would cause grievous bodily harm to order a few lefty guitars for southpaw customers. Perhaps even Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I'd feel terrible if I inadvertently caused this with my selfish demands for a guitar I could actually play.

After you have completed this conspiracy by retail to further separate you from your money, there is a Brand New imaginary invented day: Giving Tuesday. This is the day you're allegedly supposed to give to charity.  The very clever joke here is that this day was also invented by the retail sector. It makes them look great and also disguises the fact that by the time you're done with Black Friday and Cyber Monday, you have absolutely nothing left to Giving Tuesday. It's brilliant in concept and execution. You don't even have room on your credit cards, which were so maxed out, you had to get a few more. If you're in the UK, you can get them in 39% or 59% interest, and payday loans up to the minimally impacting rate of 1239%. Yes, that's right - you read that right (third song reference), 1239 percent.  In fact, as soon as you get the money conveniently deposited in your checking account the next day, Uncle Luigi comes by to collect the vig. If you don't happen to have it the next day, Luigi says that's fine, the amount you owe has been 'adjusted upward' to 2977%. This is grand progress from the days when Luigi would break a few of your limbs. Payday Loans have realized they can hurt you far worse than physically by interest and credit reporting alone.

So if I, for some strange reason, happen to have a few shekels left to divest myself of, I conveniently have an entire inbox of Helpful Suggestions. Even the libertarian party has an appeal. To be absolutely honest, and I am scrupulously honest, as you read several times per week, there's an organization called Oldies But Goodies, which finds homes for older cockers. I'm pretty sure it's tax-deductible. A few hard-earned dollars went there, before our own issues with an even older cocker. Screw the humans - there's no hope for them. Give to dogs (and even cats) whose situation is caused by humans, and can be remedied with a few of your dollars.  Give money, in-person help, pet food, and blankets to your local SPCA. Overbreeding, lack of spay/neuter, and pure human stupidity have landed these poor guys there.

SHIT - I have actually promoted the thing I just got done skewering.

• My house is weird. You probably just shot your coffee out your nose, all over the screen, and said, "No!"
• It lags the outside temperature by strange amounts, so that when it's warm outside, it's freezing inside. I don't actually know this until I go outside, and I don't go outside because Bad Things Happen when I go outside.
• In fact, whenever I open the front door, the neighbors yell at me not to let all my cold air outside and make it cooler for the rest of them.
• Pretty soon I'll be the only house on the block with windows open after Thanksgiving.

Abandoned Army and NSA Intelligence Sharing System data was left exposed to the public on an unsecured server. These are the people 'protecting' us and 'keeping us safe'. Mostly just spying on us.

• The UK, long known for systems, spying, and intel, has decreed that porn sites must age-verify, so children under eighteen do not access videos of people performing relatively normal human activities. Just imagine the fun that will ensue once this data gets stolen due to a not-protected server somewhere. Plus, you raise wonderfully-adjusted children when you brand sex 'dirty'.

An important court case is being brought by the ACLU (for people who think they do nothing good, here's an example of why they do). The government, which, as mentioned early, 'protects' us by spying on us, maintains that you have no expectation of privacy when you voluntarily give out information. Information, in this context, is your cell phone's location data, only you haven't freely given it out. The case attempts to overturn a guilty ruling for a person convicted of a crime via location data, obtained without a warrant. The spy agencies maintain that they don't need a warrant to spy on you. You'll note that this is a popular, recurring thing. They will spy anyway, so this is just window dressing to make it look like they're not violating Fourth Amendment protections. Law is ill-prepared to deal with electronic communications and advancements. Use your imagination as to why the government would prefer not to rely on your constitutional rights and protections.

• Bulletproof Coffee has informed customers that although their coffee is bulletproof, their network isn't. 

Marshall's treatments approach the finish line. The last chemo appointment was last week, stopped one treatment early because he's doing so well. This week, his bloodwork came up just fine. Next week is a visual inspection to see if there are any lesions left. Meanwhile, the New and Improved Marshall is ramping up the annoying of his parents, whining pitifully for everything his little heart desires. This usually takes place when they are doing something important.

No matter how intelligent he is, and he's frightening, he still drinks from the toilet.

• Here's a great headline: "French president Macron says gender-based insults will become a crime, punishable by law."
• Countries are criminalizing speech. Spoiled as we are by our First Amendment, this is shocking. Freedom of speech includes speech that you do not agree with - potentially ugly speech, that you'd prefer not to hear. Political correctness (social justice warriors) demands censoring speech with which they do not agree). The fact that this is infecting entire countries is worrisome. It's like a bad nightmare from old science fiction come true.
• The point of this exercise is "educating the public and schoolchildren about sexism and violence against women."  What this means is that men are not allowed to say bad words about women, but it will be perfectly ok for women to say what they like to and about men. Isn't that wonderful?

Chocolate Peanut Butter Cheerios? No.

• While we're all happy happy joy joy, I'll leave you with this small rant: we recently had our car's windshield replaced. When this happens, the service will give you the piece of the original glass, containing your stickers. All went incredibly well. This was followed in rapid succession by a number of police stops, demanding to know where the stickers were. Fortunately, they were all fielded by Mrs. lefty, who was none too pleased at the opportunity. Once the relevant documents were produced, the police smiled and she went on her way, semi-unmolested.
• Today's visit with the local constabulary produced nastiness and attitude on the part of the policeman. When the documents were produced, he angrily went on about how this wasn't supposed to be like this. Well, what would you like done and what are the legal specifics on it, Officer?  The kind gentleman then gave her a legal warning. Thank you, Officer Dickhead. There's always one.
• I suggested keeping the piece of windshield on the dash to avoid aggravation. Wife said this was a good idea, except when stopping quickly, when the glass would turn into a projectile. Well, yeah... there is that.

I gave up trying to find stuff years ago and now just ask

The Day After the Day After

Our friends over at Volvo have stated that hackers are the real problem for self-driving cars. Really? Not crappy code that doesn't take security seriously?

• Trans-species Transvestite Dog: Marshall has recently trained us to respond to his every whim via loud, urgent whining, whether it's needing water or something serious. At roughly 3am, the Marshall Alarm went off again. He was in the corner of the bedroom, with a dress wrapped around his neck. Kinky? Autococker Asphyxiation?

My buddy has had cancer two times. He's now working on number three. He has no sense of taste. While getting chemotherapy, he walks to and from a full time heavy job. He does not utter a syllable of doubt, regret, or upset.. he just goes on.  I need to remember this next time I have a backache...

• Celebgate 3.0: Yes, once again there's been a breach, resulting in photos from the phones of celebrities being leaked. This time it's Miley Cyrus, Stella Maxwell, Kristen Stewart, Tiger Woods, Lindsey Vonn, and Katharine McPhee. This attack starts with phishing. Don't click on stuff, celebrities and real people. Ramp up your security settings. Don't use THE CLOUD. Don't use iDEVICES - this hack was 100% iHACK.
• In the interests of science, we shall attempt to locate the site that published the pictures, so you know what kind of material to avoid putting in THE CLOUD from your iDEVICES.

Are you currently a college student? Did you attend college? I got a queasy feeling while reading this article on your information being available from the college itself. There doesn't seem to be any good reason for the information to be out there but of course there's legislation behind it: The Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act. As we know from reading ThermionicEmissions, every piece of legislation works the opposite of its name. Since it says privacy, you have none. There is an opt-out and it's up to you to find it. But wait - it gets better... if medical records are requested, they lose HIPAA protection!

• One hundred percent of government IT workers said employees are the biggest threat to cybersecurity. PEBKAC: Problem Exists Between Keyboard And Chair.

Charles Barkley has been labeled a white supremacist for telling black people to stop killing each other. He sure is going to look funny at the white supremacist rallies.

This will backfire when almost everyone is labeled a white supremacist and white supremacists start getting praised for their inclusiveness.

• It was inevitable.... Starbucks has introduced the Chicken Sushi Burrito.
• Speaking of which, there are now calls for boycotting Starbucks, ESPN, and the NFL. Always ahead of trends, I have been boycotting them for a long time, just because I don't like their products.

Best wishes to affected parts of Texas during the flood. I hope your lives are property are ok.

• US Government Cybersecurity ranks 16th out of 18 industry sectors. This is an improvement over last year, when it ranked 18. Let this be a lesson to you people who say the US is capable of nothing.

Happy birthday to linux Linus Torvalds' baby. Here's an appropriate quote from Mikko Hypponen, of F-Secure: Linux distributions are really lacking in their support for some of the most common Windows software. For example, most malware won't work.

• In the continuing struggle of man's inhumanity to man, I find this most appropriate.

The majority of breaches are caused by unpatched software. I cannot emphasize this strongly enough. My friend's office got hit so badly, it took out the entire system, including years of data. Patch it. And stop clicking on every goddamn link you see.

• Hollywood has rushed to help Houston and it's heartwarming:
• Beyonce: Texas, you are in my prayers
• Kelly Rowland: Houston changed my life- everybody send out prayers for H-town
• Lady Antebellum: thoughts and prayers
• Ellen DeGeneres: the whole country is thinking of you
• Sheryl Crow: you are in my prayers
• Country music singer Chris Young donated $100,000
• let words and actions stand by themselves

Update: At Least it's Only Cancer

So I come home, followed by the wife and Marshall.
Rather then tell me what happened, she's mad as hell and wants to tell me why. Marshall seriously misbehaved at the oncologist's office. And assholes in cars. And someone took her parking spot.

Dr Doggie Onco was very nice, explained everything, and gave options.
First, the idiot vet who removed the lesion missed the second lesion, inches away. This has to be removed.

Second, no chemo. There's a new treatment done with vaccines. Once a month for a few months, then a booster. Before they start, he needs yet another test to make sure they're treating the right cancer, possibly because the previous test was not expensive enough.

We've already paid for the vet's Mercedes and her daughter's education. Plus a kitchen redecoration for the ear surgeon. Now the oncologist needs a winter home. It was bad enough when I worked to pay for our medical costs and the occasional pizza. Now it's vet costs and no pizza. And you cannot write off pet medical expenses on your taxes.

According to Dr Doggie Onco, Marshall will be with us for 2.5 to 3 years after treatment. As that's close to normal, we'll take it. I guess we never thought about the end, but today put a period on it. That's probably why I feel way worse than I should for a guy whose best friend is going to live for a few more years.

=============================

With that bright news, followed by the financial news, I decided it was past time to get working on the other job. And POOF - their server was down. No work.

Since no work, it was time to work on the basement. Yesterday I vacuumed the living room and it was a piece of cake. The basement did not go so well, largely due to three inches of water from a pipe that's older than me. Pipe repaired, water not.

Wife says she has 3 wheels for the wet-vac. Why not four? No one knows. I look at the beast and it has no provision for wheels - it just has 2 leg things, one of which was, you guessed it, missing.

Plug in and go. Well, not so much go as Nothing. Maybe there's a switch with that outlet? Why yes, there is. VOOM. Water starts getting sucked up! As does all sorts of crap that I try to avoid. No matter, the vac takes it in stride. Until the yelling. I leap to turn it off and ask what's wrong. 

"It's spitting water on my books." 

Sorry, it's got some sort of tiny leak or something. 

"Well, you can run it then." 

Yes, I was running it, until you screamed to turn it off.

Back to vacuuming water, and my Special Supervising Assistant left me to it. It filled up rather quickly. And don't you know it - water's frigging heavy. I'm struggling with the vac and my Special Supervising Assistant is standing exactly where I'm going to dump it. Like a cat. 

WHOOSH - one bucket down.

Now that I have a rhythm going, it feels better. I'm getting the damn water up and making a visual impact. Then AAAAAHHHHHH. I rush to turn the thing off and the noise is coming from the machine because it's lying on its side. Why is it lying on its side? I have no idea. I didn't even see it go down. 

Believe it or not, this has not brightened my day. In fact, my neighbors are no doubt aware of this for two blocks, even though I'm in a sealed basement.

Another bucket's full. Pull the top off the vac and SWISH, the water's all over me. More exclamations and suppositions as to the vacuum's parentage. The vac, however,  was ahead of me: when I brought the bucket back, the top had rolled right in my path, almost tripping me.

The old lefty would've been screaming that this is personal. The new lefty was trying to maintain his composure (which, unbeknownst to him, walked away earlier) and swears that this only looks like it's personal.

A couple more buckets and the job is done. I felt accomplished and my wife only had to throw down a rope, which I tied around my waist, allowing her to haul me up the steps. Yes, I felt accomplished, but I couldn't feel many of my extremities. I don't do manual labor - I'm a Knowledge Worker.

Off with the shoes, which weren't that wet. The socks, however, were soaked and the legs above them had dirt on them. So there I sat, sockless. Why was I sockless? Because every matching pair was in the dryer. Why? Because we couldn't use the washer til we fixed the pipe. Eventually my wife appeared with fresh socks. Normally everybody loves socks fresh from the dryer, but it's over ninety here with ninety percent humidity, so I waved them about til they hit room temperature. If it were still light outside, I would've waved them about outside, for the pleasure of the neighbors. I'm like that.

We got through dinner swimmingly. At no time did I grab an entire stick of butter, like I did the day before. Then, just in case I forgot what it felt like, I grabbed it again. It's a good thing they don't let me play with fire.

Tired, full, and sore, we sat down for some tv time.  The tension was starting to abate. I was feeling a nice kind of tired. Then I remembered I HAD TO PLAY ADULT AND TAKE OUT THE GODDAMN TRASH. At 9:30pm.

It might have been worse than waking up ten minutes before the alarm goes off but who's counting. The paranoid schizophrenic's motion-activated lights are a great help when I take out the trash, as I can see what I'm doing. Unfortunately they were not working, which must have him in an absolute tizzy. They snuck up and killed my lights, man.

I got one can out and BANG- the gate slams shut. As long as I've lived here, the gate has never slammed shut. I'm not mad - I'm more amused because the old lefty would say this was personal - the new lefty says it only looks like it's personal. Another can out - another BANG - SLAM. 

Really?

Now to bring out the recyclables. Oops - there's a dog in the way of the door. He's looking at me, with bags, then chooses to lay down. I politely ask him to move. I impolitely ask him to move. I notice he's playing this almost deaf thing for maximum effect, as he can hear the sound of cold cuts being opened in the kitchen from the basement. So I do what we always do: open the door, which, in turn, pushes him along the tile floor. No one gets hurt and he can go back to snoozing (or whatever he gets into while I take the trash out). 

I pick up the recyclables, which knocks twelve other things down. Week after week I tell the wife we need to find a more intelligent way of dealing with the recyclables. Week after week she agrees. Week after week I pick them up and knock twelve other things down, making a mental note (with a clear marker) to talk to the wife about finding a more intelligent way of dealing with the recyclables. I pour them into the can and only a third of them go vaulting to the ground and flying about. Boy, it's a good thing this isn't personal.

Back on the couch, Marshall appears to have no water. Off to the fridge, because we have a Water Ritual. We take a water bottle, fill it up, chill it, then pour it out very slowly into the bowl. Marshall stands there, drinking from the stream until it stops, then he takes a few sips from the bowl, and proceeds to either go swimming in it or use a paw to redistribute the water to the floor around the bowl. We have absolutely no idea why.

After the Water Ritual, I finally sit down and take the shoes off. I'm relaxing again, which is always a bad sign, when BARK - DAMMIT - I SAID BARK! The little monster, after redistributing water, opened the door I closed and decided he needed to go outside. I was about to tell him to pay for his own cancer treatment when he made it through the door.

Giving up, I went back to the couch. On the way, I stepped in the water Marshall redistributed to the floor. With my warm, clean socks.

PC Police Off the Rails. And Cancer.

As we know, England has gone a bit silly with their anti 'hate' laws, making it illegal to say bad things to someone else. One enterprising policeman put two stores on notice that their Feminine Care signs are sexist and must be changed, perhaps to something like 'personal hygiene' or 'personal care'. You know - because men can use tampons. Not to be stopped in his relentless mission of stamping out sexism, he insisted other stores change their restroom signs featuring a woman with a baby, because the men's signs didn't have a baby.

The twitter backlash started immediately, with the officer being slammed for wasting tax money.  Although the story is old, it resurfaced. Usually questionable laws come from Australia, but this one from England is Orwellian. Police are being paid to police speech. It's astounding. One wonders if all other crime has been eradicated so the police can bring the full force to bear on the scourge of people saying bad things.

The policeman in question deleted his Twitter account.

• Condolences to the family and friends of the young lady who lost her life in Charlottesville, when someone drove into a crowd, also injuring many others. The online commentary has very quickly gone nasty and divided itself neatly into predictable camps. Thoughts:
• We (the US) have a First Amendment that allows free speech, no matter how repugnant. The KKK has every right to assemble, regardless of how we feel about them.. to curtail their right is to curtail everyone else's.
• The counter protesters have every right to protest also. It should be noted that when there are counter protests lately, violence tends to follow.
• Free speech does not cover punching or other violent acts, no matter how much any group feels it's ok. Hate speech is a misnomer, used only to shut down opposing views. Speech is speech in the US.
• It is very interesting to note commentary from other countries which do not have our freedoms. They don't understand free speech and think the KKK should not be allowed to march. Period.
• The KKK is a small bunch of agitators, who count on news and counter protests. If people stopped showing up, they would more than likely stop marching.
• At very least, the counter protesters showed up armed for violence.
• The police were given orders to stand down, allowing the violence to occur and escalate. Find out who gave this order and you have a path to find answers.
• It is not difficult to predict that this is only the beginning.
• Ironically, the group calling the KKK nazis wants to shut down speech they don't like.
• Someone spraypainted Fuck Laws, in red paint, on a column at the Lincoln Memorial.
• The above thoughts notwithstanding, arguing over this is a perfect example of Divide and Conquer. If we fight among ourselves, we won't be paying attention to other things.
• Where is this coming from? For one, George Soros, who pours untold millions into creating social unrest.

There is actually a 'sport' called Footgolf. It's advertised as being more exciting than golf. To be absolutely factual, watching grass grow is more exciting than golf, plus you don't have to whisper.

• Speaking of Charlottesville, Anonymous hacked a website called The Daily Stormer, a neo-Nazi site, which had published an offensive story about Heather Heyer, the lady who was killed by the person who drove his car into the crowd. After the hack, Godaddy, the provider of the page, gave the Nazis twenty four hours to move to a new provider.
• Anonymous says they have the location of the page's owner, Andrew Anglin, and promised to send allies to visit him in Lagos.
• We all love to see the neo-Nazis and Bad Guys get it, right? Does this mean Anonymous is good?
• I don't know about you, but I'd prefer to see the Bad Guys operate in the daylight, so it is easier to see what they are up to.
• GoDaddy states the page violated its terms of service. They were responding to complaints. The complainer, a blogger with an agenda, was outed, resulting in her phone number and address going online and being bombarded by trolls.
• The Daily Stormer registered with Google, which terminated the registration due to violation of terms of service. Someone's not reading terms of service.  I don't remember terms of service, but I do remember Google was pretty solidly behind freedom of speech. You're reading this on a Google site. Perhaps they have a term of service prohibiting neo-Nazis - I don't know.

There is a report of an Internet of Things thermostat playing music. How? It has an Amazon Echo built into it. The situation was remedied by the owner.

In related news, 500 folks who felt it was necessary to get 'smart' door locks found themselves in Deep Doo-Doo when the company shipped a software update that rendered the lock electronically inoperable. Owners had to use their keys, if they had them. The responsible party has offered two fixes, which take between five and eighteen days. Are you ready for the Internet of Things? This is a slow motion train wreck of impossibly large proportions.

• The government has demanded data on visitors to an Anti-Trump site, probably due to an investigation. Regardless of where you sit on the political spectrum, this sort of thing is bad. 
• On the other hand, perhaps the site should have been located on a server that did not keep this information.
• Some of the Antifa people are radicalizing. There were weapons and shields in Charlottesville. Does this justify an investigation?  Does this behavior violate anyone's terms of service?

So the aliens were giving a tour of Earth...

"This is Roswell, where we played a little trick on the Army Air Force in 1947."

"They call this the Bible Belt. Just ignore it."

"Dogs? They're ours.  Cats? The reptilians rounded them up and dropped them here."

• Ok, I'm dying here... in Atlanta, angry people (antifa) protesting violence defaced a peace monument. Then they all ganged up on a single policeman, shouting PIG! 
• Wait, it gets better... Black Lives Matter put themselves between the policeman and the antifa protesters.
• I'll admit it - I refer to BLM as a terror group. Kudos to them for this selfless act.
• Tomorrow morning, be sure to look for grass, which is now in the up direction, while the sky will be below.

Thus ends the game of Naked Monopoly.

• Given the opportunity, Americans would deep fry furniture

Marshall Update: The biopsy came back positive for malignant melanoma. Sort of. They're 'pretty sure'. There is, of course, another test, but we were told to assume positive. The good news is that they cut out all of it. The bad news is that it still has to be treated, just in case.

So Marshall will now get to see the Doggie Oncologist.

We love him unconditionally, but he's going to need his own GoFundMe page if this continues.

• It's time for my Yearly Tire Rant. Attempting to keep the car legal and maintained, it went to the mechanic. Bulb replaced, oil changed, and by the way, it will need four new tires. The car is obviously conspiring with the dog.
• For reasons I absolutely cannot fathom, my Hyundai requires performance tires. Performance tires. It's not like, at any moment, the engine will leap out of the car because the tires aren't performing. We don't race, we don't bumper car (anymore), and we are never in a situation where the car has to perform anything but starting and running.
• This is the first car I've ever had that has huge wheels and tiny tires. There are no other tires for this car. I'm thinking the car would ride much better with real tires on it but what do I know, aside from the fact that every car I've ever owned had them.
• To make things even more amusing, the tires are in the neighborhood of $250 each. I realize my cars were older, but that's almost what I paid for all four of them.

Endings

Don't read this.
It's not funny, it's not pretty, it's not even sarcastic.



















But since you're reading anyway....


There's no good or pleasant way to say this: we're watching someone die.

John was puttering along, as he did. At some point recently, something appeared on his face and grew quickly. Reluctantly he went to the emergency room, where they said cancer of lung and brain. See an oncologist quickly.

John has no insurance. This is no problem at hospitals, as they can get a claim for Assistance put through and paid. This IS a problem for anything else, medically speaking.  John went to the doctor, with my wife's assistance, and waited two hours, only to be told he needed to get 'into the system' before he could be seen. Into the system involves a kind of impossible to navigate maze that's akin to fighting City Hall. Go here, go there, that line, no this line, you have to see her but she's not in this week, etc.... Finally they managed to find one sweet, kind lady who gave them some tips, but it could still take two weeks.

Meanwhile, my wife snuck John into the office of a big local oncologist. He agreed totally with the diagnosis but couldn't get anything done because his hospital wouldn't do tests without insurance.

FOUR WEEKS LATER John was In The System and got an appointment with an oncologist, who said he had to go to a primary doctor first. The man has cancer. How the hell does anybody get treated for anything in PA? The primary eventually saw him and sent him to the oncologist. Everyone agreed: lung cancer, spreading to brain and one other area.  The prognosis was "Not fixable but treatable."

When the doctor said "Not fixable but treatable", his wife heard "treatable." Someone needed to hammer home the "Not fixable" part.  John seemed to know.

His dog, fifteen and not well, would get up frequently to check on him while he slept. Someone joked that they were both waiting to see who would go first.

First chemotherapy went well. The thing on his head shrunk. But he had good days and bad days. Most of the time he was incoherent or screaming at his wife. People had to stand on each side of him to get him to appointments. Unfortunately these people were largely his wife and my wife, with her cane. Although his wife swore he wouldn't get sent to a facility, it looked like it needed to happen.

Fast forward to the second primary doctor visit. No one could get John off the bed, no less to the car. My wife, who quietly said she'd be surprised if he lasted another few weeks, revised her estimate to the weekend.

I worked with a guy who passed out and went to the hospital, where they discovered brain cancer. They were doing chemotherapy but he died within a week or two. Sad as we were, it was a blessing. He did not suffer, which was the most important thing. I'm hoping John isn't suffering. We can't ask him.

=====================

This afternoon we got word John was rushed to the hospital. Dropping everything, we went to keep them company. In the midst of horror there was humor: sadly, emergency rooms have metal detectors and my wife couldn't get through because of her copious amount of bracelets. Since they couldn't all come off, she was relegated to the outdoors.

I sat with his wife and noticed John was being bagged (manually breathed for) by a nurse. He had stopped functioning and they were trying to restart him. He needed to be transferred to another hospital with an Intensive Care Unit. Nobody thought this was a good idea but nobody had much of a choice. He failed twice on the ride over.

In the ICU, with plenty of pain medicine, it took about two hours until John left us.
I hope he didn't suffer too much. I hope we served him well.

They said the cancer was extremely aggressive. There was no way it could have been caught in time. It was not pretty.

The dog was put down because he was suffering and not eating. I guess he knew.

Help Save the Texas Prairie Chicken

In Backwards World: at the recent Democrat debate, Hillary interrupted Bernie. Bernie told Hillary that he was not done speaking yet. The social media-sphere went crazy, proclaiming Bernie sexist for interrupting Hillary.

• Rescuers are still valiantly searching for Flight MH370. Huffing and puffing. Using their best people. They remain hopeful.

I'm going to go ahead and be un-PC, as if this blog were anything else, and state flat out that Curvy Barbie is NOT curvy; she's fat. The fact is, skinny and average women can be curvy, yet larger women seek to co-opt the term. I don't care what size you are and if you claim it's a preference or result of some malady... facts are facts. Big is big.

• Today we celebrate International Women's Day. Also International Breast Awareness Month. Also International Higgs Bosom Month.
• Apparently it's also National Pancake Day. Another incursion by the Pancake Lobby.

So how about that Trump?  You have to be doing something right when your entire party is conspiring to beat you in the election. Like him or hate him, he's made waves.

In other election-related news, Michael Bloomberg will not be running for president. Essentially this means our large sodas are now safe.

• Sportscaster Erin Andrews has won $55 million in a lawsuit over illegally taping her in the nude. Man, I can't even get my wife to tape me (not that she's got a spare $55 mil laying around).

Ex-Rolling Stone Bill Wyman has been diagnosed with cancer. Hopefully he'll be ok. Cancer has been getting way too many headlines these days, including a brother-in-law.

In other music news, AC/DC is rapidly approaching Lynyrd Skynyrd status in terms of luck. Their drummer is accused of murder, a guitarist developed early dementia, and now their singer is close to complete hearing loss. The tour has been canceled for some reason.

In even more music news, this time very good, Joe Walsh and the original Bad Company have announced they're touring. For info, go to joewalsh.com or pollstar.com. See you there.

• Further proving absolutely nothing goes unpunished, Boston bombing survivor Victoria McGrath has died in a car crash.

The US gun industry want to have silencers reclassified as hearing protection devices. I fully support the Second Amendment, but this is pretty funny.

• Apparently a football player called Peyton Manning has retired. Naturally I don't follow sports but I recently saw a picture of him. I truly want to know if his forehead was Photoshopped. You can run movies on it.

It's a shame that the World Anti-Doping Association doesn't go after the real dopes. Meanwhile, if Maria Sharapova feels really bad, we are here for (immoral) support.

• Kardashian: it's not body-shaming to point out that your ass is the size of Texas.

A man has been arrested in the shooting of a pastor who just led prayer at some politician's rally. Let's say it was Cruz's, because he wants to rule a theocracy. Any normal person would abhor shooting an innocent man. But there were mitigating circumstances: the shooter said the pastor was a Martian and was destroying his life. 

And speaking of shootings, the leader of the occupation of an Oregon wildlife refuge was shot three times in the back, as well as many others. The FBI can't account for some of the shots. The county prosecutor called the shooting "justified and necessary:" Like RFK, I guess.

• Black feminists at the University of Missouri feel their Safe Spaces invaded by feminists who aren't 'black enough'. This school will shortly eat itself.

A tissue thought to be from an airplane washed up on the British shore yesterday.  This might be tied to similar tissues on Flight MH370.

• I'm flummoxed but this week a gun killed someone, a car drove into a pole, and the Elvis estate is suing a Las Vegas casino. It's been a banner week for inanimate action!

What is at the top of Trump?

Poor sleeping pattern could be a contributing factor to cancer, a test on mice suggests.

I am not exactly a scientist, medical expert or even a mouse enthusiast but I must take exception to this travesty of research. What the study shows is that weird sleeping can cause cancer in MICE.

* In most cases, mice are not humans, although some humans are known to be mice.

* The study cannot prove a causal relationship because you cannot accurately simluate real world sleep patterns in mice. The study did not account for the wife leaping in and out of bed, the wife waking you up because she's up anyway, the dog jumping on your chest and circling before going to sleep, or the mouse's neighbor running the $@!ing lawnmower at seven in the morning.

* the mouse does not suffer sleep deprivation over how he's going to pay for the kids' iPhones.

Conversely:

* the human doesn't have to worry about cats (or the dog, if he sees the cat chasing it).

* the human is not likely to be used for medical experiments (unless the CIA is involved).

* The human will not fit through the hole in the molding (or the wainscotting)

* Most humans can NOT make it through a maze

• Peru is about to make 'first contact' with an isolated Amazon tribe.
• 30 days after first contact, the Mashco Piro Indians will send back some questions:

1. We're very impressed by television. May we return the favor by leading an attack on the tribe Kardashian?
2. Why do all of your things have 'i' in front of them?
3. 'Hummer' mean something else here.
4. What is at the top of 'Trump'?
5. May we trade hunting skills for this 'boob job' thing?
6. What medicine for VD?
7. Why do you sit on 'couch' when you can sit on log?
8. Why do you have such small... gen... genit... penises (except for the dark ones)?
9. 'Glock' less accurate than bow and arrow.
10. No, Tonto not related.

Who says militias are bad or crazy?
After the tragedy in Chattanooga, militiamen, veterans and citizens are standing outside armed forces recruiting centers, guarding them with their own guns. For some reason known only to the Flying Spaghetti Monster, recruiters are not allowed to carry weapons, so these folks are acting as unpaid guards, on their own time and at their own expense.  Some of the neighbors are nervous but more importantly, the recruiters are safe and they're standing up for their own. 

• Scientist warns the world to 'think twice before replying to alien signals from outer space'  The only problem is that any civilization that would be capable of sending signals here would already know about us. Again, a smokescreen.

In case you missed it (or are in denial), an all-transgender modeling agency is opening in LA. More dick for the click?

• A brain-eating amoeba has been found in Louisiana water.  They should also be checking Kentucky and D.C.

BEST headline of the month/year:  Wyoming man found with 30 eyeballs stuffed up his anus. Probably because the silverware no longer fits.

• A Philly treat for many years is water ice. For those of you in far-away climes, it's somewhat similar to a Slurpee/Icee but a little less liquidy and eaten with a spoon. Marshall aims to be the first spaniel with an endorsement deal from Rita's Water Ice.

Got Water Ice?

Speaking of Trump, we should all know by now that he's running for president. This definitely complicates the decision as to which presidential candidate gets the ThermionicEmissions endorsement. Of course my vote always goes to the libertarian candidate but at this point we're not sure who that is. This may be a political statement on the election. Trump himself is a real spoiler - if he gets in, there will be no shortage of material and General Amusement, of the variety promised but not delivered by Joe Biden. Then there's the perennial favorite, Vermin Supreme, because how can you argue with a presidential candidate who wears a boot on his head? Stay tuned for details.

• The FBI is sure getting good at tracking down suspects: check this story out. Never mind the kidnapping - look at how the FBI managed to get the info. This is creepy (and the NSA is jealous).

CHILD ABUSE WEEKLY

AS readers might have noticed, I take a dim view on child abuse, noting that it goes all the way to the top. Here are a few stories from this week: Epidemic of US children sold for sex and FBI says child abuse at almost epidemic levels. Police, citizens, Members of Parliament, Congresscritters... all the way to the top.  In fact, Met Police is investigating the late former prime minister Edward Heath (posthumously) into claims of historical child sex abuse by establishment figures.

• There are some articles that leap right out at me and say ThermionicEmissions!  Dozens of bra-wearing men and women have protested in Hong Kong after a woman was jailed for assaulting a senior policeman with her breast.  A Chinese woman accused an officer of touching her breast. The court ruled that she pushed her breast into him so she could charge him. 
• I'm starting to develop a fantasy. A fine fantasy of fanatical frenzied females, all trying to assault me. Life is good.

Service dog dials 911 during fire, saves blind owner. Yolanda the yellow lab called the fire department. Dogs truly are better than humans. Yolanda also called 911 last year when her owner fell and lost consciousness.

• NFL running back comes out of the closet: No, he's not gay. No, he's not changing his gender. No, he's not a pedophile....even worse - he's an atheist!

Close it on Some Musical Magic!

Ever heard of Steve Vai?  You might have caught him as David Lee Roth's early solo guitarist or in Frank Zappa's band ("my little Italian Virtuoso", Stevie's Spanking). Steve is one of those rare Guitar Geniuses. Anyone who can transcribe for Zappa and play that stuff is among the musical elite.  Steve is a delightfully wacky musician who does things his own way.

Another of those tunes guaranteed to make the hair on the back of your neck stand at attention is For the Love of God.  Notice the way Steve owns the stage, the music, and his guitar. The guitar faces are priceless and completely appropriate. The studio version of this song, not far away from this recorded version, was recorded after a fast of a number of days.

We are also treated to a bit of pre and post-tune virtuosity, ala Steve's Noises. Steve is ably accompanied by the even more wacky Mike Keneally (Beer for Dolphins, Frank Zappa) on guitar and keyboards.

Does Mr. Vai look familiar?  You might have seen him as the devil in Crossroads, playing against Ralph Macchio in the Soul Selling Scene.  Or the triple-necked guitarist in David Lee Roth's 'Just Like Paradise'.

Enjoy his take on Jimi's Little Wing. One of Steve's more amusing tracks is The Audience is Listening, with one of his school teachers on announcements.