Beef Tea?

The FAA ordered inspections of 737s after 4 non-fatal engine shutdowns.
They missed hanging out with the 737 MAXes, so now they're together.


San Francisco is not happy about naming a hospital for The Zuck.  They don't want to be associated with Faceyspaces, in spite of the $75 million donation.


I always wondered how there was a single unix user showing up in the stats. This person must be responsible for the single Lynx browser entry. If you don't know what this means, forget you ever saw it... I was not here and this did not happen.



Dear lefty:

• You offended me and I'm never coming back
• Good.  May all your pizzas have those huge bubbles in them.

Told You So

Google peeks into your android phone to spy on usage of their and 3rd party apps. Among other things, no doubt.


President Trump's re-election campaign has accused Verizon, AT&T, and T-Mobile of "suppression of political speech" over the carriers' blocking of spam texts sent by the campaign.  This one's loaded with issues... nobody likes spam. On the other hand, any political speech, at this point, is allowed to reach end users, unsolicited. How about we meet in the middle and stop political speech from reaching our phones?

"DNA is millions of times more efficient at storing data than your laptop's magnetic hard drive," reports Popular Mechanics."

Hey Bob... going to get that new hard drive for your laptop?

Heck no, Stan, I'm going to jack it straight into my nipple. My DNA can store my entire 4 terabyte pr0n collection, free!

Your love is like an aluminum baseball bat to the head

This should go completely unnoticed:

An Arkansas senator has described slavery as a "necessary evil" on which the American nation was built. Read the article - the phrase was first uttered by the Founding Fathers. But still.....

Ginsburg: 'I Am Mentally Fit Enough To Serve Through The End Of President Eisenhower's Term'    - Babylon Bee

Money burning a hole in your pocket?
The camera that took the footage of Rodney King getting beaten is up for auction. Bidding starts at $225,000, so get your cash ready!

NEWS:

Famotidine (Pepcid) has no effect against The Flying AIDS.

Ranitidine (Zantac) can give you cancer - call 1-800-SUE-NOWZ

Other things ineffective against The Flying AIDS:

applesauce, bleach, gunpowder, detergent pods (but they're still yummy), car exhaust, belly button lint, and urine. Anthrax is starting to show promise.

Headline: Google search trends used to calculate floating prophylactic prices

I made my fortune in rubber 

People in several states are receiving packets of seeds, which appear to be from China. The Feds are on it, testing the seeds to make sure they're not harmful. They are warning everyone not to plant the seeds.

I'm proud of my country; it's a country of action. If there's a link, we'll click on it. If there's a detergent pod, we'll eat it. If the sign says 55mph, we'll drive faster!

STANNNNNLEY!
Yes, Maude?
We got a box today.
That's nice, Maude.
It was kinda heavy.
Wonderful.
Let's open it.
Let's not.
Oh, look.. it's a... bomb?
Gee, you don't see those every day.
Ooh, it didn't come with any instructions. It's 2020 - you'd think people would send bombs out with instructions. It just says "BOMB" on it.
Thoughtless.
I know - I'll put it on the stove. Let's see.... I made sure it was flat, and I pushed the button.
WHAT button?
The Bomb button, of course.
Maude, someone sent us a bomb and you armed it?
Well, it had a button on it. I had to. I sure wish there was some federal authority to tell us not to blow it up.



We bought a Spaniel Enrichment Device. It's a board with 6 slides, under which you put a treat and the dog has to figure out how to get it. She sniffed, looked unhappy, then figured it out in short order. Phew... we thought maybe she was one of the special puppies.....



SJW SMILIES

The NBA, NFL, MLB, and NHL announced studies on social distancing, so they know how far apart to kneel.


Surveillance is racist.
Ok, nobody said it directly yet, but Rite Aid pharmacies put facial recognition cameras in  hundreds of stores in low income and less white neighborhoods.

Rite Aid said the rollout was “data-driven,” based on stores’ theft histories, local and national crime data and site infrastructure.

Rite Aid dumped the program because facts are racist.
Not that anybody likes surveillance. Walgreen's uses one for advertising, so we don't shop there.

Incoming!!

Perhaps I'm wrong about the Internet of Things....
A hacker did his thing on a Nest security camera then warned the household that North Korean ICBM missiles were heading to the Los Angeles. 

You have to admit this was clever: additional points for terrifying the occupants.
Google, Nest's owner, said it was bad passwords.
Everybody else says it's the crappy 'security' built into the cameras, plus bad passwords,

Warning: never use default passwords or passwords you use elsewhere.

Next week on Internet of Things: your dishwasher tells you your daughter's pregnant.

• I pick on Apple but it's not their fault entirely... it's their customers.  A teen who sold a kidney for an iDevice is now bedridden for life. Yeah, but he's bedridden with an iDevice.

Dear lefty:

• Bobby Bollinger, of Brampton, AlaBama, asks if we're kinky here.
• Dear Ballsinger: when you were born, did the doctor spank you a little too much?

Remember the case of the unfortunate brain-dead woman in a facility who gave birth? A suspect has been arrested, strangely, a nurse working there. He was nabbed by DNA. Who expected that to happen?

We got way too many calls about housing for aging relatives. I asked if the relatives were likely to get pregnant. The calls stopped.

• An Oregon man was sentenced to prison for sexually assaulting a horse. 
• The horse visited weekly.

Genetics or Environment?

Every pet in our house has figured out how to open bi-fold doors, because you shouldn't be alone when going to the bathroom. This is four dogs and two cats. How does this happen?

The latest figured it out yesterday. She also magically appears when I'm eating. From a different floor, while napping. With me making no noise at all, including silverware, opening bags, chewing like a cow, or shrieking adult pleasure noises.

• There's an online forum for the discussion of the Internet of Things. It's called Dumpster Fire.

Next on Real Housewives of New Jersey:

• The one with the ridiculously huge lips breaks down and cries when the other one accuses her of not getting her lips done.
• The entire cast says, "We're still on tv?"
• The camera crew pisses the actors off because they don't understand the Joisey dialect.
• Gene Simmons guest stars as the rock star who's banging them all. What do you mean he already did that?
• The women jump into someone's olympic size pool and can't go under water because of their augmented flotation devices.
• Yo Angie has Yo Tina's eyebrow tattoos removed, without her knowledge.
• Crisis is averted when the crew helicopters in hair spray and gel. The helo crash-landed in the olympic size pool, but they rescued the hair products.

It was gettin a little quiet here.....

It was 5am and I was rudely awakened by something like thunder. We looked at each other and said "TREE." Looking outside (I hate outside - it only causes trouble), we verified TREE. The gargantuan shade thing had split quite nicely, landing on the sidewalk. It also got a few overhead wires. This is but one reason why 5am is no good.

It happened by a streetlight, so the damage was well-lit and nobody lost power. Sure enough, within an hour, some idiot drove right through it, breaking the wires and landing them on the street. They courteously drove away. This is but one reason why people are bad.

The power company was very concerned, letting us know they'd send someone around if a truck became available - definitely by next Tuesday.  Ever helpful, a neighbor called police, who courteously blocked the road. In spite of this, people still tried to get around him. It's a good thing we didn't block the street with a line of kids....

Police apparently multiply, as they had become a small battalion, with yellow tape. We're thinking of taking them some coffee. Crime must rampant here. The boys in blue confirmed how utterly idiotic people are. Apparently people are coming up to them, telling them how inconvenient this is and how long will it last. If they're so concerned, they should band together, move the tree, and fix the wires themselves. That should produce complete silence...

The electric d00ds were uncharacteristically nice and pleasant and got it sorted out quickly. Now we call the Tree People. That should deplete the guitar fund completely. Oh yeah, there's the smashed rear window and dented rear of the car.

The problem here is the house knows when I have a surplus and breaks accordingly.





Dear lefty:

• My neighbor really really bothers me. Is it ok to shoot her?
• Keep holy the 11th Commandment: Thou Shalt Not Get Caught

Tonight for dinner: cooked sushi.

Anal Probing by Illegal Aliens

Australia has many scenic views and an endless supply of deadly fauna. Australia also has female traffic light signals. Not to be outdone, London's Trafalgar Square has gay marriage-celebrating signals. Because the government has already cured cancer and has some time on its hands. But it gets better - Australia's Minister for Women said that it would make public space more inclusive of women. Because women felt they couldn't cross the street before this?

• Many police departments across the country are maintaining their own DNA databases.  The ACLU is suing San Diego over warrantless collection of DNA of a minor without parental consent. Apparently this process allows police to skirt state and federal laws about who they can collect from and how long the samples can be retained. Loopholes are magnificent, aren't they?

Stop what you are doing this very minute and watch Star Trek - Libertarian Edition.

• Just in case you were bored today, the latest Wikileaks is most interesting. It concerns the CIA and its spying/hacking army. Among other things, how malware can turn androids, iDevices, Windows computers, smart cars, and smart TVs into listening devices. Yeah, I'm tinfoil hat. Yeah, I made it all up and this release is just coincidental fiction.

If there's one thing I learned in my life so far, it's that I'm not that good at mornings.

• Faceyspaces has a program to report and remove images of child abuse (that haven't already been removed). Journalist reports child abuse images. Faceyspaces reports him to the police. Don't. Use. Faceyspaces.
• In other news, Faceyspaces plans to update its algorithms to "listen" for people who are in danger of suicide (warning - FB.com link). This is a refreshing change from listening for people who are in danger of not being accurately marketed to in a targeted fashion. No word yet on who this data will be sold to.

On International Women's Day, we celebrate women and their contributions. We also note that women are taking off work to celebrate and march in parades; thus nullifying their input for the day. This is akin to everyone taking off work on Labor Day. We also eagerly anticipate International Left-Handers' Day.

• Reaction to the Wikileaks CIA spying story has been swift for cell phone OSes. Based upon vpn use, antivirus manufacturer F-Secure has stated that 80% of iDevice users have the latest OS; they tend to update quickly. The outlook is not so good for android users, because phone manufacturers are slow to distribute OS updates. While the Nordics (F-secure area) have a high percentage of android 6 and 7, most of the world still uses 4 and 5. Android users: bug your phone manufacturer and make sure you're current. Check your OS version in Settings.
• The nice folks who wrote the Notepad++ program have fixed a .dll file process by which the CIA could hack the program and monitor what goes on in the background. While this is by no means foolproof, it will prevent the program from loading anything other than the proper .dll file. This will not prevent problems if the hackers are already there or if the notepad++.exe file is replaced. Credit where credit is due.
• Meanwhile the CIA says Americans should be deeply troubled by Wikileaks' latest leak. I think most of us would tend to agree, just not for for the reason the CIA states ("jeopardizing personnel and operations"). Nowhere does the CIA address jeopardizing citizens' rights and privacy.
• Curious about what the CIA thinks of your antivirus?

Confide, a secure messaging application very popular with White House aides, has been discovered to have "multiple security vulnerabilities of varying severities", proving that DC cannot even hide questionable thoughts or misdeeds correctly.

• A while back I reported on the US government trying to get records from an Amazon Echo's spying to help their murder case. The Echo is Amazon's version of Google's Alexa, that sits there and processes requests (what is the weather, set reminder to call Mom, how late is Costco open?). At question is anything Echo might have recorded during a murder. The trick here is that Echo (and Alexa) isn't supposed to record anything that isn't preceded by  "Echo" (or "Alexa"). Amazon decided not to fight the subpoena and submitted to demands for the recordings because the defendant said he didn't mind the recordings being submitted to prosecutors. Amazon could have and should have fought this on privacy principles. Next time it could be your data.

Things are always more interesting at Walmart. The St Augustine, FL, police were called to Walmart, due to the 4-5' shark found in the parking lot. Yes, it was a whale of a sale.

Not to be outdone, Vilano Beach, FL, found a shark in a driveway. Sorry, Charlie.

• Yes is to be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame this year. Asked why it took so long, a spokesman said it was because Donna Summer, Green Day, Joan Jett, Michael Jackson, NWA, Public Enemy, RUN-DMC, and Tupak needed room.

Happy International Women's Day!
I am a dead man

1984 Was So 20 Years Ago

There is now a wireless hack that will allow someone to unlock 100 million Volkswagens. And you thought emissions cheating was bad,,,

• Know what's weird? Twitter. It's unlike other places, in terms of variety. There's the ex-NSA guy. The current judges. The girls who show off their boobs for free (and unfortunately, the ones who want you to pay for the privilege). Aging divas who post selfies for reassurance. People who repeat things until they're convinced of them. More than one left-handed guitar player. Tons who want to sell you something and visit their Faceyspaces page. And the one who brags about the famous athletes she banged and the ones she wants to.

Still keeping with our No Olympics Policy, I can only say that there's a lot of them about. And, in spite of my love of Brazilian women, the place is a shithole. Also, if you like big boobs, you're shit out of luck.

• Know what's great about drugs? None of them work right on me. Think of the money I've saved!

it's national tell a joke day: A VA employee sits down at his desk and fulfills requests.

Thank you.

I'm available for children's parties.

• There have been lots of accusations lately where one party blames the other for being corrupt. Hint: they're both correct.

Work gives me a headache. Not work itself, but my coworkers. The cubicle to the left features a phone ring that sounds like an annoying whistle, which the cube to the right automatically parrots every time. The cube in the back has a bird chirp so real that people keep looking up for the bird. The cube on the left also has a hearing problem, so every time his phone goes off, we have to be pulled off the ceiling.

• Ok, I don't know much about geography or floods, but I'm going to go ahead and say it's time to get out of certain parts of Louisiana. Good thoughts to the fine people there. I hope they survive and thrive.

Aetna said that it would sharply reduce its participation in Obamacare's public marketplaces next year. Yes, another win for Obamacare and another loss for the people.

• Ban Ki-moon, outgoing secretary-general of the United Nations, says he would personally like a woman to take over for him.  Why does having indoor plumbing qualify one for this position? Hey, I know.. we'll send Hillary! The UN is practically worthless and we ignore it anyway....

I have an adversarial relationship with Yelp: it sucks plus I don't use it. Trying to locate a restaurant between two hotels a few blocks apart was a nightmare. Not only did it come up with an incredible amount of choices (good), most weren't open at the moment (bad). The reviews were less than helpful. 

The other day we wandered into a store and the owner got started on Yelp. Apparently every few months, perhaps as the result of a salesman change, he gets calls from Yelp, offering to enhance his position. This is quite obviously pay-for-play, which undermines their own stated business model. He said it was nothing more than a platform for trolls. The reviewers didn't say a word to him, yet posted negative reviews. If the platform had any validity, I'd have given him five stars. Honest, personable, knowledgeable, and great customer service. 

• I just read a fascinating(?) story from an Olympic swimmer about performing during her period. For your reading pleasure and general health, I have conveniently forgotten to include the link.

A nation of morons has expanded to include many nations. Pop star Adele tweeted about a burrito, which got retweeted 31,000 times.

• A second information layer of DNA has been found. This is a mixed blessing, as I still don't understand the first layer.

My area got some cooling thunderstorms last night, so it's only going up to 93 today.

This is how McDonalds can fix the $15/hr minimum wage problem