The Masks Don't Help and We Look Like Weenies

Since we're all inside, less stuff happens, so we have to go with what we find.

• Amazon is having a rough time with shipping deadlines. I think they should throw all boxes in bleach. No one will be afraid to touch them.

YMCA, by the Village People, is going into the Library of Congress.
I did some checking and Led Zeppelin isn't in the Library of Congress. Dr Dre will be inducted this year because that's obviously music (?), along with Whitney Houston. Surprisingly, Jimi Hendrix and Jeff Beck have good showings.

It's like the Grammys, but not quite as confusing.

• It's at times like these we can reflect on the positives of this situation. For instance, it might be hard to find toilet paper, but Caramel M&Ms are on sale.

Amazon, hiring 100,000 employees, has a small problem, in that employees at 9 warehouses have contracted coronavirus. I was right - the 100,000 were replacements.

• News said up to 10% of New York City's police are sick. If this continues, people will walk around, openly flaunting their 64oz sodas.

There are many articles online about what you should and shouldn't do. One says going outside is good for physical and mental health (as long as nobody is near you). I told you exercise causes cancer. Or in the case, the Flying AIDS.

• Southeast Pennsylvania Transportation Agency (SEPTA), the company that runs public transportation, says they're at 6% ridership.
• They're still running late.

The US Space Force has successfully launched its first mission.
What is it?  That's classified.
When did it launch? You don't have a need to know.
What did it cost? More than COVID-19 bailouts
What does that patch on your uniform say? "Space Force: Bringing Freedom to Space"




Today I identify as   a tampon

Light travels at the speed of 186k miles per second.

A Light Year is light traveling at 186k miles per second for every second of every minute, hour, day, week, and month for a entire year. 

That comes to 5.8 trillion miles. 

The US government is 3½ Light Years in debt.

Now that most of us across the planet have to stay home, it's past time to figure out what's up. It must be good, because it's not restricted to any one people, country, or economy.

The first thing to ask in any situation is who benefits...
Well, there's a great opportunity for one or more Big Pharma corporations to score. Not sure if this is long-term enough to make it worth the trouble.

One group benefits: the governments, who have enacted shutdowns and violations of civil rights. China clamped down immediately. Others followed. When this is over, are every one of our rights going to be restored? Several states have used the Flying AIDS to close gun stores. This is what we call an agenda.

If we take this far out there, it's another part of George Bush's New World Order. The UN has been working on this forever, as have the Bilderbergers, Trilateral Commission, and the Council on Foreign Relations. Hillary and Henry Kissinger are members of these groups. Look them up - I did. It's hiding in plain sight.


This is just the obvious stuff. Send a comment with your ideas.




SJW Simpering


COVID-19 is a gendered crisis.

Nurses, nurse aides, teachers, child carers and early-childhood educators, aged-care workers and cleaners are mostly women.

They are on the frontline of this public health crisis and carry a disproportionate risk of being exposed to the virus.

Idiot Governor, top right

Service Elephants and the Grinch Who Stole my Tires

Much has been written and said about sleep, most of it wrong.
Ever since I was a little monster (I'm a bigger monster now), I tried to find out how sleep worked. It generally worked wonderfully - I hit the pillow and slept til I got up. Then I noticed that I always woke up tired, regardless of how much sleep I got. I asked friends, family, doctors, and pr0n stars; all had different answers, none seemed correct.

Now that I'm married, the search goes on; interestingly enough, with a woman who has the mother of all sleep disorders. Neither of us can figure it out. Because of her sleep disorder, I developed the ability to sleep through a small nuclear detonation, a 44lb dog standing on my chest and circling around, a 23lb dog licking my face and and stealing the covers, and various sentient entities jumping into and falling out of the bed. We both seem to come up with the same conclusion: the less we sleep, the easier we get up and the better we feel. Naturally this is counter to everything we've been told.

If I get 7 hours, I'm tired. If I get 5 hours, I'm ok. On the weekend I can get between 6 and a lot more hours of sleep, and the more I get, the more tired I am. Sometimes it's all I can do to get from the bed to the couch, then I'm ready for my first nap of the day.

We also noticed that at no point do we feel like getting up when the alarm goes off. This is a universal truth. After all this Science, I discovered one truth/trick that is 100% effective, regardless of how much sleep you get: waking up to discover you're a few hours late for work gets you right up out of bed, with no time to be tired (or yawn). It even puts off the need for coffee, for a good few minutes or so.


SpaceX launched 60 Starlink satellites.

Tomorrow's radio news:  On I-95, Lane 1 is moving quickly, but remember - it's an HOV lane.  Somewhat north, Starlink 47 will come dangerously close to Spy Satellite 33  an American communications satellite at about 8:30, which will cause quite a backup. Stay away from Starlink 27 - it has been hijacked by China and doesn't fly too well. Also, if you see Starlink 53, it has gone rogue. Call Space Force, but do not approach it - it hides behind Russian satellites and fires lasers.  Lastly, Russia's Sputnik 1,295 has been cautioned for getting too close to Space Force's satellites, allegedly to mess with their location software.



Did you you know that the president can shut down all US communications?
Linked is a highly biased article, focusing on Trump and an FCC commissioner who wants to block it. If the law existed earlier, I don't remember this being discussed about any of Trump's predecessors. California used this recently, to shut down communications around a subway. While the FCC commissioner is absolutely correct, do you honestly think this will be repealed? Even Congress wanted a shutoff switch. National Security is the answer to almost every encroachment, but I'm going to support the FCC here (just once). Do you think, for a minute, that any president would fail to take advantage of this? Look at Egypt and Iraq.



FACEYSPACES NEWS

$550 million settlement reached in facial recognition suit (in Illinois)

New "Off-Faceyspaces Activity' portal lets you know where you're being followed.  Worth a read.

"If you would not confront your neighbor and demand his money at the point of a gun to solve every new problem that may appear in your life, you should not allow the government to do it for you." ~ William E. Simon

My darling dog does some interesting things, most of which can't be explained.
One is standing between the two of us, barking at Mrs lefty when she talks to me, when we're 15' apart. It's not a threatening bark at all. A cynic would say she's protecting me from my wife's talking. As a cynic, I don't agree, but I'm really curious as to what the behavior is.

The dog also does not grok gravity. Or 'gravity isn't her friend.'
Most dogs I know understand this basic law, but Penny has great difficulty with it. She will jump on the couch with a toy and start chomping on it. It falls out of her mouth, onto the floor. This is apparently like magic to her, and it happens every day. Her reaction is almost human: she stares at the toy, but doesn't want to jump down to get it. She's quite normal in other respects, but how does one teach a dog about gravity? And time travel? And not licking pillows or clothes?

I don't know who needs to hear this, but there's nothing libertarian about fighting to keep a corrupt President in office. - Nicholas Sarwark, Libertarian Party president

Speaking of Trump, he unleashed his Middle East peace plan.
Let's suspend disbelief and say it's successful.... what would his opposition do?

• say it was Obama's idea originally
• complain that he was saving it to get re-elected
• state that the plan endangers the Egyptian sand flea and should be rejected
• Hillary would call it an act of war and insist on bombing somebody. Anybody.
• Cheney would invite him to go hunting (sponsored by Martin Marietta)
• ask how to add Peace to articles of impeachment
• shut down all communications so nobody hears about it

Speaking of coronavirus, a cartoonist in Denmark drew up a panel with China's flag, where the 5 stars had been replaced by coronavirus.  China's enbassy blew a gasket and called it "an insult to China," demanding an apology. Denmark blew its nose in China's general direction, stating free speech. This paper also pissed off muslims with a prophet Muhammad cartoon, causing Great Unrest.

Denmark sounds fun.

• Are you on social media? In an argument (they're the same thing)? Great article on a former FBI agent discussing Trolling for Profit. The people you're arguing with might not be people, or might be one paid troll with many accounts, pushing an agenda.

Baltimore, the city that got ransomware that shut down networks, that the incompetent city IT people didn't back up, wants to give out rebates for the purchase of Ring doorbells and do nightly air surveillance.  Gee, it sounds like their priorities are in order....

In any discussion of "should feminists believe X or not-X?" the answer is always "both". Because feminism isn't an ideology, or a movement, but a battle between groups of privileged women over how women should correctly behave    - @pornpanic

• Criminals have used Grammy-winning songs by Taylor Swift, Ariana Grande, and others to carry viruses.   No one over 13 affected.

Today I identify as   ground beef



 I've long held that we should leave the UN. If you would like to know some of the reasons, check out this article. Aside from those points, we have the rule of law - we're a sovereign nation. Why should any entity be allowed to interfere with this?

• Today's ticketing suggesting algorithm screwup: Frankie Valli advance tickets!

Heroes of the Stupid   

PETA says Punxsutwaney Phil should be replaced with AI groundhog

apparently they're upset they haven't been in the news lately...

Andrew Yang (D-Neptune) "Overdose patients should be sent to mandatory treatment centers for three days to convince them to seek long-term treatment"
Bernie Sanders added "Treatment will be free!"

New York State, in a serious attempt to out-stupid California, is now mandating "Stargazing Permits" for looking at the sky.



Swamp Gas Rides Again!
Colorado experienced a large fleet of drones, each appearing about 6' long. Police came in, government agencies collaborated with each other, and no one knew whose they were. Finally it was deemed 'mass hysteria.'  Sorry, guys.. you tried this one earlier.  One of the people who saw a drone was the captain of an airliner who said it flew too close to his plane. He must've been part of mass hysteria too. Here's how you find out whose drone it is: shoot it down and see who comes a-knockin.



SJW Sports

University of California Berkeley apologized for saying xenophobia was a normal reaction to Coronavirus.

PTSD from Something That Never Happened

Remember the Grammys? I don't, largely because I don't watch them. It's been way too frustrating for a long long time... have you heard what wins them? Apparently Adele won something over Beyonce. CNN and others have said this is due to racism.

Racism.

The sheer stupidity of this is immeasurable.

But then again, when you think of it, they might have a point.

After all, Jimi Hendrix is dead. If that doesn't prove racism, nothing does.

• In a move no one saw coming, Greatest Leader Kim Jong-un's half-brother, Kim Jong-nam (no relation to Viet-nam), heir apparent to the throne, has died. Or rather, had help dying, in Malaysia. He upset South Korea a few times in the past and Kim Jong-un apparently hasn't forgotten. The dude is hardcore - assassinating his own brother.

If you tap the buttons too fast on a Volkswagen's touchscreen, you can crash the display. This was a cut-and-paste error that fell into place when they put in the program that 'hid' the small emissions cheat that cost them more than the collective salaries of small countries. Or something.

• I experienced several of the most frustrating days ever at my workplace this week. I don't know how to accurately describe it, so here's a timeline:
• DAY 1
• a device was installed and misconfigured.
• I was called to reconfigure it
• Office 1 ordered the job for Office 2 (mine)
• spent an entire day trying to get adapters and cables for the job, ultimately failing, due to lack of hardware and inability to install software because the computer is rightfully locked down for security reasons.
• Office 1 overnights the correct adapter, which should exist everywhere.
• Day 2
• I wait for the adapter to be delivered
• [11:30] adapter delivered
• [11:35] adapter plugged in
• [11:40] located driver software for adapter (that I am not allowed to install)
• [11:45] open chat window with Helpdesk Dude to install software. He's not at his desk.
• [12:15] open chat window with second Helpdesk Dude, who is also not at his desk. I firmly believe that Helpdesk Dudes have a special program that tells everyone they're not at their desk or busy when they call, by default, so no one will ask them to do anything or yell at them because they can't do their work until they get some assistance.
• [1:00] Helpdesk Dude 1 is back at his desk and ignoring me, per departmental mandate
• [1:15] Helpdesk Dude 2 is back at his desk, but whoops... he's away again
• [2:00] I emailed Office 1 to let them know I'm still sitting there, waiting for help. He does something very interesting (and possibly illegal) to Helpdesk Dude 1, who is suddenly very anxious to help me out and apologizes for not getting to me hours earlier.
• [2:03] adapter is ready to go
• [2:05] configure software: the directions for idiots is made for different idiots and covers the wrong version of the software. I have to feel my way around to configure it.
• [2:15] Long trek to the device to be configured. Plug in - connect first time! Fail to log in. Fail to log in again. Call Office 1 - oops.. they changed the password. No, they can't tell me - they have to email. And I have to run back to the desk to get the email.
• [2:25] Log into device. Fail again. Call Office 1 again - they suggest capitalizing some letters and changing some numbers. POOF - I'm in [cue angels singing over heavenly music].
• [2:27] Device configured and tested! The entire operation was for these two minutes. That's it.
• [2:30] Get call from Office 1: did I configure it correctly - they can't see it. Why yes, I did. And I tested it. Guess I'll have to go back to it again.
• [2:35] Device remains configured properly. Call Office 1, who says to check with someone/anyone to make sure settings he gave me are correct. I stand up and my shoelace spontaneously unties itself, like a tiny explosion at my foot.
• [2:40] Find someone/anyone, who indicates everything is correct.
• [2:45] Back at device, look carefully and discover that the device was never correctly plugged into the network. Someone/anyone indicates he needs correct paperwork to get the device plugged in correctly.
• [2:50] Office 1 indicates that the paperwork was submitted a while ago and to forward this information to someone/anyone. Emailed this information, with a request to let me know when it's correctly plugged in.
• [One day later] I have not received confirmation that the device was plugged in correctly, per yesterday's email. My eyeballs start looking at each other and my stomach sends out Morse Code to Office 1.
• This is Work. This happens every time I need to get something done. It's like the Army, but worse. It's a small wonder I don't develop symptoms of Postal Worker Rage and mow down my coworkers. Due to the sounds of silence and snoring, most might not realize it.

Japanese game arcades now feature gamified urinals. Isn't that nice? You don't have to give up on that stream of endorphins and adrenaline when you are forced to leave your seat to pee. This is why the Japanese won the war...

• Wow.. a guy in a Tesla observed a Volkswagen Passat swerving all over the place on the Autobahn. After the car bounced off the guardrail a few times, he noticed the driver was unconscious. He pulls his Tesla in front of the Passat, allows the VW to tap his bumper, and manages to pull both cars to a stop. This man defines "hero".
• Elon Musk, Tesla inventor, steps up to say that all repairs on the Tesla will be free and expedited. It was a good day all around. Hopefully the Passat driver is ok.