We were invited to the normal place for NYE. Have you ever had to go somewhere and while getting ready, realized you'd be much happier not going? Maybe boiling your hands in some water or shaving your own ass? That didn't happen to us. Instead, we just sat there and stared, realizing that to go to the party, we'd actually have to get off the couch and move. This is easier said than done. We knew we'd have a good time, but staying seated seemed like a lovely idea.
Mrs. lefty, not a girly girl, said she'd be ready shortly. Apparently Mrs. lefty had transitioned into a girly girl, because shortly turned out to be 45 minutes. I kept wanting to point out that we were already 2 hours late, but I like my reproductive bits.
Finally on the road, we began our game of pissing off every other driver on the highway, by only doing 20mph over the speed limit. There was honking, there were fingers raised in salute, there was laughing. We noticed that there was little traffic, both ways. Like everything else, people were probably celebrating online, maybe over at Amazon. Or we hadn't driven close to any bars.
At the party, the poor host probably got tired of people asking, "What's THAT?" after I walked away. The food was smashing: we bought Death by Chocolate cake, and most of the rest of people bought cannolis. What are the odds that most of the guests would bring the same thing, no less the same thing being cannolis. When does 'cannoli' pop into your head? Was there a sale on cannolis at every store? I'm not complaining - I like cannolis. It's one of the few cheeses I eat, probably due to sugar content. Everything I eat is due to sugar content, especially drinks. I drink like a girl when I drink. Get me a frozen strawberry margarita and I'm happy as a Biden after a nappy.
While we contemplated cannolis and the imminent fall of the ball, I asked Wife about the traditional Midnight Kiss. She said yes. I asked where. She said lips. I asked which. She said northern. So it was going to be that kind of new year. And, true to form, the lefty Show was off on its New Year's day. My first 3 transactions failed: I couldn't get a receipt for gas, couldn't get an advertised milkshake at a convenience store, then couldn't replace it with the candy bar I wanted. Seems like I was starting things off right.
Happy New Year, dear folks.
Resolutions are a sticky subject, as no one in the history of the world has ever kept one, especially the ones with 'weight' in the title. I don't even bother making them, because I'm just setting myself up for failure and I do enough of that already. OK, the truth is that I won't remember making them on January 2. I might not even remember them next December. So why bother? But since this is my blog, it is incumbent on me to come up with a few, off the top of my balding pate...
- grow my hair back, everywhere except the ears
- continue to not see the dentist, with no ill effects, in spite of their pleading text messages and calls
- keep everybody well, including the 4 legged one
- spur world peace
- get work to stop with the constant meetings
- get companies to stop with the constant billing me
- grow a few inches (vertically, at first)
- stop the use of 'super' (that was super cool)
- replace Jeff Beck as World Guitar God
I don't find a single one of them ridiculous or unattainable, provided I can remember I made them.
2024 will, by virtue of being a new year, have to be better than 2023. Yes, I'll have to spend a few months getting used to writing 2024. 2023 was just shit. Losing Jeff Beck is still a shock to me. He's been my idol since the 80s... we were deprived of further joy by bacterial meningitis. His musical legend will never die.
Oh yeah, my mom died also (cue wise remarks about my priorities). I am deprived of further joy by Alzheimer's.
I spent the great majority of my life trying to be independent, starting as a child. The other day I watched a child go to his mother for comfort. I'd love to have that chance again. Bring independent, I'd never take it, but knowing it was available would be comforting.
As forced vacations go, this was the least horrific of them. In fact, I have to go back to work, like the rest of you. Yes, I could take more vacation days, but I'm told it doesn't look good taking January off. So I sat there, watching each hour go by, thinking of what I failed to accomplish on said vacation, and thinking of the joys awaiting me upon returning to work.
- BATMAN - Men in Tights
So can Congress, if you can catch them in office.
