Three Left Hands and Two Left Feet

Do you have any idea how hard it is to be bizarrely crazy (or crazily bizarre) on command? I don't plan this stuff.. I sit down and type. The sarcasm comes naturally, but the topics.... I think I channel them. Like from some long-dead comic wannabe who is so incompetent in death, that he can only reach one person among the living. Unfortunately that person is me. Whether or not I'm living is another question entirely.

Nah, I'm just kidding. I steal all this stuff from some other unsuccessful blog.

• Greetings to my visitors from Ukraine. We go way back.. I knew you when you used to be The Ukraine.

I have already warned against the Ring video doorbells.
In my previous rant, they were given to police to shill in their neighborhoods, allowing 'video sharing.' Video sharing means warrantless surveillance. The icing on the cake comes with facial recognition plans, via a neighborhood watch app. Amazon itself has stated this is on its way.

The people shocked by 1984 agree that we're already in 1987.

You're already at risk with the Ring: anything that connects to the net should be bulletproof. Wanna make a bet the Ring is? Who has access to this data besides you?  Are you sharing data with the neighborhood, the police, and Amazon? If not (yeah, right), what is the legal process for the police to obtain the video? Sure, you could turn it over voluntarily, but what if you don't want to? With facial recognition, everybody's going in the database. Nothing good will come from any of this.  How do I know? The same way you do: look at our history... if something can be used, it will. No exceptions. This is another step in Surveillance Society. Like England, we'll not be able to go anywhere without being on camera - including our own front porch.  Combine this with our Alexas, and Amazon has our entire lives, with the police being one click away.

Before you say, "Let them watch - I have nothing to hide," understand that you are guaranteed freedom from illegal search and seizure via the Fourth Amendment (in the US, in theory). This also applies to phone/email/net spying, but that ship has sailed.




Dear lefty

• Why do they call it global warming when it's so cold outside?
• Because you touched yourself too much when you were little.

YouTube has a closed captioning option. I had no idea.
How did I find this out?
The dog.
She thinks she's the only thing allowed on my lap, which is unfortunate when I'm using my laptop. I removed her paws from the keyboard and discovered that she somehow managed to scroll to the bottom of the page and turn on CC. At least one of us has some brains.




In these days of Commercial Excess<tm>, Black Friday seems to be creeping up on us. Not because it's close, but because it keeps getting earlier. Bloody xmas decorations are up in stores, weeks before T-Day. Then the pre-Black Friday sales. Now the Black Friday sales the week BEFORE Black Friday. I got notice of these recently, days before the week before Black Friday.

Fair warning: next year, Black Friday will be on Valentine's Day, and you had better have the lights and tree up before the end of February or the Commercial Police will throw you in Retail Jail.

Last year we finally managed to get a tree up. And when I say finally managed, I mean we definitely stated we were going to have one up. Then it was definitely going up by xmas eve. Then xmas day, but screw it. This year we have agreed early that we're going to have a tree this year, so we'll have even more time not to put it up!  There was a lot to be said for those very silly artificial jobbies, that came right out of the box, complete with lights and ornaments already installed. All you had to do was locate it first (it had been in the way the entire year, so now you can't find it) and put on the single personal ornament you bought a few years ago, but haven't had a tree since, so it's new! You will also discover that you have two trees. You have no idea where the second one came from.

The sales flyers (all in email now) are coming fast and furious. One guitar company has been doing 50% off days. An amplifier website has 15% off everything. They're giving away pedals that aren't 35% off. I tell Mrs lefty about all the money I'm saving her with these sales, but she reacts the same was I do when she tells me how much she saved ME by buying 5 pairs of shoes instead of one.  Look at the advantages... you don't have to shop or wonder what I want, or stand in lines and fight the rest of humanity, many of whom have been up for 3 days on meth and think it's Easter. Simply click the online form, insert payment information, and they'll friggin deliver it, regardless of how much it weighs. If we feel nostalgic for in-person shopping, for a small fee they'll give the delivery driver some meth.



Speaking of saving money, I managed to find the same deal as last year, at Southpaw Guitars (THE lefty guitar store). By selecting a used guitar, I saved my wife $1,000! The $4,000 Custom Shop Fender 1956 Stratocaster reproduction is only $3,000 used, thus saving $1,000. I am willing to make the sacrifice for my wife.  It's at least what we spend on shoes....

Also speaking of which, Peets Coffee has a subscription plan, where you pick your favorite coffee and they'll send as many as you want at whatever interval you like. If you're serious about your coffee, their French Roast is the only thing I drink - highly recommended. If you aren't a dark roast person, they have light and medium, in all sorts of varieties, from countries you didn't know existed, plus teas. No, I don't get anything for mentioning them (the bastards).

• Black Friday deal from a local venue: Air Supply, Dancing with the Stars Live, and Teresa Caputo (aka Hair Helmet).
• No thanks, I'm having elective dental surgery those days.

According to a study, cows might produce better milk when fitted with VR headsets. The study failed when the cows were found tuning into humanality porn.

• Here's a mind-bender. George Harrison watching the Beatles performing 'This Boy'.

President Trump is designating Mexican drug cartels terrorists.
Oh great - War on Mexico. What could possibly go wrong?

• I just saw a listing of audiobooks. Among them was Playboy.
• How does that work?
• Well, you're not getting any, so look at pictures.
• You could listen to the audiobook, because you don't deserve to look at the pictures. You know it's over when......

Speaking of books, I found a few others....

Abnormal Psychology: I don't need a book. All I have to do is look around.
You Are Worth It: No, I'm not.
Why We're Wrong About Nearly Everything: ah, finally a present for your spouse
Facing Codependency: not without you I'm not...
Handbook of Forensic Psychology: learn how the dead think and feel

• Emoji are a vital part of online communication
• How long til they discover memes? Good God.....

Today I identify as bits of string



The FDA has granted permission for a studies of psilocybin for treatment of Major Depressive Disorder (MDD).  In other words, if you're seriously depressed, ask your doc for shrooms, man. The FDA's carefully considered medical decision is brought to you by the MMB (Mushroom Marketing Board).

While we're on the subject, another study found that a dose of ketamine may cut down on problematic drinking.  By making the person so stoned, they can't pick up a glass.


India's prime minister has said defecating in the open has ended in rural India.
He is competing for the $150 million contract for California.

• Very large water main break in San Francisco: governor passes law against water main breaks because it might clean the shit off sidewalks, which is racist.

Heroes of the Stupid

An Australian firefighter has been accused of arson.
Firefighting attracts arsonists like priesting attracts...well, you get the idea.


Amazon pulls Aushwitz-themed Christmas Ornaments (?)




SJW Stunts

• To fight stigma, New Zealand is opening an HIV-positive sperm bank.
• New Zealand tax dollars also used to open the first Ebola-positive pancreas bank.

Elizabeth Warren introduced a bill that would revoke Medals of Honor from US soldiers involved in the Wounded Knee Massacre on 1890. This is the kind of prompt action you can expect if you vote for her, the 1/6400th Indian African American candidate.

Words Hurt - Here Are Some of Them

Here's a really disheartening article on another Google misdeed: selling you to advertisers.

• Last week the San Francisco Board of Supervisors voted unanimously to brand the National Rifle Association a "domestic terrorist organization."

Dear lefty

• How many pees are in pea soup?
• No.

Today I identify as: an Abrams tank. Loud, obnoxious, deadly, and gets just under 1 mpg.

• Until 1990, it was illegal for homosexual foreigners to enter the US.

No thanks, I'd rather make sweet love to Nancy Pelosi

• There's only 510 messages in my inbox. It's going to be a good day.


"We may not imagine how our lives could be more frustrating and complex--but Congress can." - Cullen Hightower



Now that Hasbro has Monopoly that addresses gender pay gap (see below), I have some ideas for new versions of Monopoly:

• Misgender Monopoly - men get thrown in jail for misgendering opponents
• Racist Monopoly - go to jail for being a racist, which you already are. Black people get all the properties for Reparations.
• Libertarian Monopoly - no rules or penalties, so long as you don't commit aggression. If you go to jail, it's your own damn fault.
• Shame Monopoly - anyone fat/slut/boob shaming loses their property to the person they shamed. Then everybody shames them.
• Crackhouse Monopoly - you give all your money to social issues so you can give your money to them again when nothing happens.
• Social Justice Warrior Monopoly - cis white hetero males aren't allowed to buy property. $500 extra for punching someone who disagrees with you. Extra bonus for brightly colored hair and unwashed clothes.

Heroes of the Stupid

A Haverford College student (at the time) pled guilty to trying to hack the IRS to obtain President Trump's tax returns.   Let's hack the IRS - what could possibly go wrong?

According to the New York Post, broke men are hurting marriage prospects for American women.   Feminism has worked out well, hasn't it?

Last week the San Francisco Board of Supervisors voted unanimously to brand the National Rifle Association a "domestic terrorist organization."

A Staten Island teen on vacation with her mother, was arrested in Russia for pot.  She wasn't arrested for the pot - she was arrested for being stupid enough to carry.

Kamala Harris: ‘Emotionally, It’s Hurtful’ When People Attack My Criminal Justice Record


SJW Skills

"Hey guys" seems innocuous but you should try a different greeting. You're normalizing a term that misgenders and is not inclusive.  [@nowthisisnews Twitter]

Hasbro launched Ms. Monopoly, the board game that addresses gender pay gap; Women make more than men.   Good going, Hasbro... you're addressing pay gap by instituting pay gap.

The BBC is teaching children that there are over 100 genders.


Last week the San Francisco Board of Supervisors voted unanimously to brand the National Rifle Association a "domestic terrorist organization."

This issue brings us a first: Response to ThermionicEmissions
from Anonymous in SF.

I'm really surprised that they took time out of their schedule to vote that... they're super busy making sure all the city street names are gender-neutral.   first things first!

They should rename the council to the People's Front of Judea.

'ok ok.. besides the fiscal stability, the massive oil and tech industries and the tax base they provide oh,, and all the farmers... providing CA with the best produce ..they're all Republicans..

.. What have the conservatives ever done for US?

I rest my thong, Your Honor

Are You Left Handed or Backwards?

Mercedes UK admits spying on drivers with tracking devices. Your location is not a secret on new or used cars. The government is outraged because only they should be able to spy on citizens. Is this happening in America too? Check what you're signing.

Lincoln is introducing Phone-As A Key, where you download an app to unlock your car (android or other). You're tracked here too because the app sends the data up the line every time you use it (and probably when you're not using it).

Faceyspaces gives everyone a 'clear history tool' that doesn't clear anything. 
Still logging in? 400+ million users' data on the loose. Still logging in?

Over a third of firms have suffered a cloud attack.
Once again, I have been proven correct.
If you can't touch your data, it's no longer yours.




Boris Johnson, the UK's new PM (PDQ), said he appreciates Donald Trump's kind words, but promised that he wouldn't say anything nice about Trump if Trump doesn't say anything nice about him. A Trump endorsement makes it even harder to get anything done.

• Denmark's PM said that Greenland is not for sale. She recommended the US take a look at China.

Dear lefty

• Why are you so nasty all the time?
• Because I hate you.

Angela Merkel (D-Germany) is being hauled into world court to explain why she deliberately uses a hard G in Angela.

Boris Johnson went to meet Angela Merkel as his first visit out of state. Boris took some remedial German classes in preparation, but couldn't make all the classes. As a result, here are a few things he said to Merkel

Good evening. Your mother is a fire truck.
About this Brexit thing.... God, you're ugly.
Germany holds a special place in my spleen.
Terrible thing about those Jews, isn't it?
Don't mention the war. Did I say that out loud?

• England will never be taken seriously until it stops saying conTROVerSEE and SHED-ule.

No thank you, I'd rather vacation in Jeffrey Epstein's jail cell.

Speaking of Epstein's cell, his former cellmate is being politely requested not to talk about a single thing that goes on in prison. Lest he get transferred to that cell.

• Having a bad day? A man burying his wife, a victim of the El Paso shooting, had his SUV stolen at the funeral.  Stop complaining.

I bought an ergonomic mouse, forever answering the question 'can I get a left handed mouse?' If you take a regular mouse and pick one side up to about 45 degrees, it looks like that. I really like the device and recommend it. It even has backspace and forward buttons for browsing. Since it's tall, I always knock it over with my hand.

Related: know how it's difficult to grab the tiny perimeter of a window to resize it? I have a hard time NOT grabbing it. It's like magic. Evil magic.



OXYMORONS

• Faceyspaces Privacy Officer
• Congressional Ethics
• Microsoft Security Engineer
• MTV Rocks

Work is fun and I'm learning all sorts of Stuff.
Stuff like being security conscious but using Chrome and Internet Explorer is ok. Internet Explorer is a Hall of Horrors. Whenever I use it, I remember why I not only hate it, but why I use ad blockers on my real browsers: it's the only time I see ads. So this is what PTSD means....

As with all jobs, there are meetings. I have tried with all my might to avoid meetings, without success. Even bad behavior hasn't helped.... when I try, I find out the others are trying harder than me (and succeeding). It's a competition to keep up. My behavior is actually encouraged. I tried feigning incompetence, but this also failed, as most of my coworkers are genuinely incompetent. I also tried Tourette's Syndrome, randomly blurting out curses, but no one could tell it from my regular outbursts. I tried an earring through my eyebrow, but the boss has a 6" bone through his nose.  I even tried explosives, but one coworker laughed and said, "You call that an explosive," then showed me his desk drawer. I even claimed I'm second shift (where literally nothing gets done) but no one heard me because they were off doing nothing of their own.

This will challenge all my creativity but I'm up for it.


Speaking of work, I had to put in a trouble ticket for some broken software.
My department must get to our issues in 24 hours...  to this day, we're not sure if Helpdesk is obligated to even look at their tickets. Since this was a fairly important request, they got back to me within a few weeks. I got asked if I'm still having that software problem. Well, I'd say so, as I can't fix it myself. You know, that's why I put in the ticket. Software doesn't spontaneously repair itself.

Oh.

He goes away a couple of times, without informing me he's working in the issue. I'm staring at the screen, waiting for something magical to happen. Fortunately there was no extensive breath-holding going on. I gave up and went back to my own job, where I get to all issues within an hour. A few disappearances later he informs me of what's wrong.  Well, that's nice. Then he disappears again. Where do these people go? When he eventually gets back, it's Fixed!

He has this whole dance down to a science. No one ever complains because, like their doctor, they're just happy to see him.

Now he'll tell his boss he spent 4 hours with some idiot who broke his machine, so that's why he got nothing done this week.

Oops, the fix was less that perfect, in that it didn't work at all, much like Congress. I'm sure someone will get back to me. In a month or two.




A girl was found bound and gagged in a car on a California freeway. The family said they were taking her to drug rehab. Turns out they were taking her to a Taylor Swift concert. It was for her own good.

There's a commercial on in the background and I notice the jingle sounds perfectly vapid and perfect for a commercial. Then I find out it's not a commercial - it's Taylor Swift. This is only the second song of hers I've heard, but my first instinct is RUN. She seems like such a nice person, though.

• Porn Industry Worried Association with White House May Tarnish Its Image.

Heroes of the Stupid

Fearing they could be overwhelmed with visitors, officials in the remote Nevada county that’s home to the Area 51 military base have drafted an emergency declaration and a plan to team resources with neighboring counties and the state ahead of events tied to the “Storm Area 51” internet drive. The entire storm will peter out when they find out cell service just crashed and they can't livestream to Faceyspaces.


If you play touch football at Lamar High School in Arlington, Texas, things just got safer: you are now required to wear a helmet.


Best headline: Joe Biden's brain surgeon is defending Joe Biden's brain.
He plans to install it after the election.


I just saw a message from someone using Microsoft Outlook for Android.
A virus you have to install manually.



SJW Stupidity

San Francisco board rebrands 'convicted felon' as 'justice-involved person'.
Richard Ramirez, 'the Nightstalker,' is now 'serially female-involved'.





History will look back on us and get a neck sprain from shaking its head vigorously.    - lefty

Some things never go out of style

Still Not Handling This Morning Thing Well

In case you were fretting that there had been no major hacks in the news lately, I've got you covered. A security expert warned Congress that DC's T-Mobile wireless network was hacked. The Department of Homeland Security was notified and would provide no further information.  This shows the dangers of using T-Mobile, living in DC, and talking to DHS.

• Check out this shelf of store-brand cereals. It was described as an old English army major, trying to find a euphemism for gay men.

The Super Sleuths of Edina, Minnesota's police department, are working a case of a (failed) fraudulent $28,500 wire transfer. So they went to court to get the Google searches of the entire city. The entire city. You're shaking your head - I can tell. It gets better: the judge granted it. It's bad enough that law hasn't caught up with the internet.. neither have the judges. And let's not tell them that Google isn't the only search engine. This is our future.

• President Trump released a requested budget. If you are alive, you've heard about it. One of the interesting parts is the cutoff of the National Endowment for the Arts. This is where the government gives a lot of money to artists to produce art. Already the arts community has weighed in, screaming that art will die without federal funding. This is complete doggie doo. The government has no business in the arts (or healthcare, but that's a different argument). People interested in art can pay for it, like buying music or going to the theater. This move not only saves tax money (for the armed forces, in this case), but it's downright libertarian.
• Another false argument, designed to cut off funding, is that the artists produce total crap. Well, yes, one can argue that Pisschrist is total crap (urine would be a more accurate description), but if art is to be funded, should there be a Taste Requirement? Isn't art subjective? I don't like what passes for art anyway. A Picasso line drawing of a hand holding flowers? Art?
• But then there's that part of the budget that cuts funds to Meals on Wheels...

If you have an internet-connected (Internet of Things!) security camera, CCTV equipment, or network recorders from AVTech, you're in deep doo-doo. It can be hacked, meaning it will be hacked. The manufacturer was alerted in October 2016 and has not responded. The servers used are located in South Korea.  There are no recommendations at the moment, although at least Trend Micro antivirus will detect it. If I had one of these devices, I'd pull it immediately.

• RIP Chuck Berry. Play on.

In other Hacking News, there's a Dark Web vendor selling three sets of five million Yahoo and Gmail accounts, complete with decrypted passwords.  They all seem to be from previous breaches of the systems.

• Next time you're in San Francisco, visit the famous Haight-Ashbury section and see the brand new Ashbury Tech. It's a computer store. No, it's a head shop. No, it's a computer store AND head shop! They were in the tobacco business for twenty three years and are expanding to computers. Hey, the price on that system seems a little high...

If you shop at Saks Fifth Avenue, there's a good chance your personal data was accidentally made public. The data was discovered on the store's website in plain text. You do NOT store ANYTHING in plain text, lest something stupid or malicious happen. So all of my readers who shop at Saks... sorry, I'll stop....

• The Fappening 2.0 is upon us. Remember the hack and leak of many celebrities' iDevices, turning loose all sorts of private, sometimes naked photos? They're at it again. Now that I have performed my important notification duties, I need to offer caution if you happen to be online and happen to accidentally click on a link to view these pictures. Don't. Many of the links are malware. Any link that asks you to install software to view pictures should set off red flags to begin with. At very least, hover over the links to see where they really go. Better yet, just don't.
• In the interest of Science and investigation, so I can offer warnings if there is a security risk, I have viewed some of these pictures. You can thank me later. There are indeed quite a few Emma Watson pictures. Before you hurt yourself, they consist entirely of her trying on bathing suit-like outfits. One Redditor commented that she looks much better in clothes and I'm forced to agree. 

Because cancer has been cured and world peace has broken out, we turn our attention to technical term scrubbing. The terms "blacklist" and "whitelist" are starting to cause a bit of a storm among groups who tend to cause a bit of a storm. So if you come across any Fascist Agent of Oppression, you can instruct them to use the terms "blocklist" and "safelist". My mind goes back [wayback music] to the days when hard drives were master and slave....

• I've discovered that my wife's pocketbook is like Dr. Who's Tardis: larger on the inside than the outside. link for people with too much time on their hands.

Welcome to the second day of spring. We're celebrating by digging the car out of the snow.

• The Internet of Things strikes again.  Got a Google Nest camera? You got a problem. Bluetooth, which is required to set the device up, cannot be turned off.  This means that anyone who can get within Bluetooth range can shut down the camera's recording capabilities for 60-90 seconds. You know, long enough for someone to slip by. They do not have access to video. Google was notified in October 2016 and promptly sprung into inaction. One of the issues is that you cannot turn Bluetooth off. As I mention (frequently), this is not going to be pretty.

An email from Wellesley professors states that controversial speakers "impose on the liberty of students" by "enabling the bullying of disempowered groups". This would explain why the students are the way they are. Safe Spaces for all! The right not to be offended! Real Life is going to be quite a shock for these snowflakes.

• Philadelphia District Attorney Seth Williams is in trouble. A long trail of 'gifts' has been uncovered, with Williams doing favors and corrupting justice. The criminality dates back to his first month in office. This once again puts Philthy on the national stage, once again in a negative light. The only thing more head-shaking than Philly Corruption is listening to Philly prosecutors pronounce the charges. Jag-wire? And a custom-made couch for four grand. You can buy a regular couch for four grand. Watch the Philly Follies on national news near you.

If you're using LastPass password keeper, there's a serious vulnerability.

• On the local Fox morning show, they brought in a special reporter for a two-part in-depth series on new flashy nails with shiny bits on them. Hard hitting coverage, from people who say q-pon.

Marshall the cocker continues his rounds to specialty veterinary practitioners in the area. For those following along at home, he had to see an Ear/Nose/Throat vet for a procedure to open up his small ear canals, due to constant infections, requiring constant medicines. This failed, due to a problem around anesthesia. Since the surgeon has no specialist for this, it's off to another specialist/hospital, continuing all of the expensive medicines. The second operation is scheduled. Meanwhile, it's difficult to get the oral meds into him because we have to put it into food and he will only eat people food for a few days before spitting it out. Poor Marshall never had a health problem until his cat died. It's like he's competing for highest vet bill with his deceased diabetic cat.

Knock Someone Out for Boxing Day

A nice and considerate new reader pointed out that this blog hurt her eyes (which was only fifty percent of my intention when 'designing' it). That the image of ThermionicEmissions remained emblazoned on her retina, making it difficult to see the next site she went to. This is great news... everyone who leaves this blog will see it in front of them for a short (or long) period of time! If a reader trips and goes down on his eyes, heaven forbid, the image of ThermionicEmissions may be the last thing he sees. Or it might be the only thing he sees for the rest of his life.  Do I need to rethink this?

• One way to introduce invasive new technology is to put it in sports stadiums; where fans have already proved they will swallow humongous ticket prices, fifty dollar parking, regular player strikes, and state money paying for the stadiums. Fingerprint and iris scanners are in place in several stadiums, as a kind of line-bypass, like our friends at the TSA offer pre-screened fliers (and now some stadiums) - because metal detectors and bag checks weren't enough. In addition to identification, this allows tracking of fan behavior and purchasing habits, raking in even more money for the stadiums. To add insult to injury, you will pay $179 for this privilege. Yo, sports fans... bend over... again. It's for the children.

A New York to France flight had to be diverted because the toilets on the 767 were all broken. With all of the in-flight backups airplanes have (all systems in triplicate), in the end it was toilets that grounded the plane. It's shit like this that makes passengers mad.

• Last night was the Kennedy Honors. Among others, the Eagles were celebrated. At one point, Steve Vai joined others for a note-for-note rendition of Hotel California. As much fun as this was, the real attraction was watching the stone-faced Eagles and the outgoing president at times.

This past year has had no shortage of hilarity emanating from California. Guess what... the year isn't over yet! The San Francisco police union is suing the city for the right to choke citizens and kill fleeing drivers, citing the recent overseas attacks where vehicles were used. Because the "new policy will hinder officers' ability protect themselves and the public from killers behind the wheel."

They coulda just said It's for the children. Knowing California, it's a small miracle that they didn't outlaw trucks and cars.

The next piece of legislation will require police to identify lawbreakers and give them a ride home or to a Safe Space of their choosing because we wouldn't want to hurt their feelings or make assumptions as to their race, color, what species they identify as, or sexual orientation.

• As if enough people had not left the planet in 2016 thus far, someone took advantage to hack Britney Spears' Twitter account to post a poorly-worded tweet, allegedly from Sony, that she expired. To back this up, they hacked Bob Dylan's Twitter account to send condolences. And just a few days left in 2016...
• Speaking of death, there is a Kickstarter to raise money for a person to guard Betty White. He will guard her in any way necessary. If Mrs White decides this service is not necessary, all the money donated will go to a designated theater charity. Noting Betty's ability to stay alive thus far, I don't think she'll need any help.

A Tacoma, WA. Cheesecake Factory refused to serve some armed police officers recently. One of the officers posted this to Cheesecake's Faceyspaces page, prompting a statement from Corporate, apologizing for the mixup and blaming it on the restaurant manager's misunderstanding of the policy, which stated that uniformed and armed officers were allowed to possess arms. I guess the manager mixed up allowed to posess arms with not allowed to possess arms. Heh heh, simple mixup anyone could make. It's like celebrity death: Britney Spears is dead. Oh wait, we got that statement mixed up with Britney Spears is not dead. A simple mixup.

• There is a place in Asia called Johor Baru. This is less important that the fact that a man there is seeking a refund for an exorcism, because the exorcist failed to drive off the spirits afflicting his father. Hey, do you suppose we can get refunds for wives and other relatives?

One cannot, and I can't emphasize this strongly enough, eat a steak sandwich with a straw. Along these same lines; no, I don't want to go to the doctor tomorrow to see your ear wax. These were two things that happened today and I am not going to say anything more.

First selfie with found object - 1940