Why is it Always Semprini?

Ticketmaster, that evil entity that lets you think you can purchase overpriced tickets online, emailed to let me know that the Sixers' schedule is in.

I'm holding out for Hitler on Ice, Opera for the Attention Deficited, and Ballet: a brief 10 day course.



In today's IT report, shit got leaked, a credit security company put 1 million records online for anyone, and you have to approve a warning before you use your IoT stove. The stove will stop working if it can't get to the internet and will talk the other appliances into going on strike. So nothing new.

Faceyspaces has long denied shadowbanning.
This makes their new patent for shadowbanning somewhat suspicious.


You should probably wait to buy an oven that you can set to preheat remotely. The June oven has been turning itself on during the night and preheating to 400 for hours, after an update. June promises another update, but says it's a user error, not an oven error.

Need to reset your smart GE light bulb? Find instructions, turn on for 3 seconds, stand on left foot, swear you'll never buy a smart device ever,

• In case you somehow failed to discover it, here's a full list of Monty Python episodes.

Dear lefty

• Everything in the world that's happening has me worried. What do I do?
• Get drunk, mix with pills, drive, and yell at people. You'll feel better and won't remember any of it.

Having a good day today? Let me fix that....
Our good friends at the Army germ lab (Ft. Detrick) have been ordered to shut down research involving dangerous microbes like Ebola by the Centers for Disease Control. Did you ever think you'd see the day when the CDC could shut down the army?

In case you don't remember, Ft. Detrick is where the lab lost, misplaced, or was otherwise found to be short of all sorts of disease samples.  These people can't be trusted to secure a cold virus (which is precisely why they work on ebola).

Better now?



But wait - there's more! Hiding in plain sight!
The Pentagon is testing mass surveillance balloons over the US. It's in the actual non-fake news.



Over in New York's Hudson Valley, people are up in arms because the new tenants of a housing development will be Hasidic Jews. Can you imagine the furor that would erupt if the buyers were black and this was said? I'm surprised the Antisemite Squad hasn't been out. There doesn't seem to be any real reason for the uproar presented.... just a few minor complaints. Maybe the Antisemite Squad is right (this one time - don't cry wolf).

• Over at the airlines, support miniature horses are now allowed to fly. This gives me hope for my Emotional Support Elephant.
• A Fresno, California, man, winning a taco-eating contest, died. He choked on a taco. Usually when people die from tacos, it involves Taco Bell.

Joe Biden's (D-Molestia) people are talking about scaling back his appearances to limit gaffes. I say get him more appearances. This is the Joe Biden we know and love. The Joe Biden we expected. He's finally living down to his potential!


Groundbreaking sperm sorting could let parents choose the sex of the baby.
Can you imagine having that job?
What if they want to have a trans baby?




Let's talk pressure cookers, the Manhattan kind.

Mrs lefty said maybe someone got a good deal at a department store.
She's deadly sometimes.

The bomb squad eventually discovered the cookers were harmless.
Obviously this was a tasteless prank (my favorite kind).

We need to have a common sense talk about pressure cooker control.
Nobody needs 2 pressure cookers. Only the government should have pressure cookers.

The Pressure Cooker Pranker was caught, because of way too many video surveillance systems; both city and transit.  Yes, you're being video'd - but it's for the children.





Hero of the Stupid
A motorist was visited by the police and found to have EIGHT phones with EIGHT games of Pokemon going at the same time. In his defense, the fellow was pulled off to the side of the road - not driving. The policeman made him put his rig in the back seat before continuing. the picture is priceless.

Bill DeBlasio says he can beat Donald Trump because of his height. "The tall candidate almost always wins."





SJW Stuff

Humanoid robots modeled after white celebrities might be racism, according to a study.

NY university promotes paper comparing cow insemination to 'rape', and milking cows to 'sexual abuse'.  Apparently no one told them that calling it rape means they fuck cows.

A student built a 'Cry Closet,' meant to be a safe space for stressed out students.


Katy Perry has been accused of sexual misconduct. "Teenage Dream" costar Josh Kloss said Perry pulled down his pants at a party.  Back in the day, this was called funny, hijinks, and Good Clean Fun. Some would give their firstborn to be pantsed by Katy Perry.

Juggling Disney

We went to the mall yesterday.
That is usually enough for an entire blog entry, and this did not disappoint.

There are 2 guitar stores there, so there's something for me. And when I say something for me, I mean a place to look at backwards (right handed) guitars and note the extreme non-presence of lefties. I know that it's not economically feasible to carry a ton of lefties, but there are virtually none in most stores. And the ones that are present are starter junk.

The salespersons are sympathetic to my plight, but can't do anything. Some even note they get significant calls for lefties, but have little inventory. It's like ordering a few lefties causes physical pain for Manglement. One can go into Guitar Center and note an absolute ton of guitars there; few if any lefties. It's like the Cheese Shop sketch.

"Yes, we have a lot of guitars."
But I can't find a lefty."
"We have a ton of guitars. This is the best shop in the state."
How do you reckon this?
"We have a ton of guitars. It's a very clean shop."
Well, it's certainly clean of lefties.

Hey, I want to check out some necks on Fenders. Do you have the backwards versions?  Yes, one. A cheap one.  I see.

"But the warehouse might have one. You'll have to pay for it in full before we can order it, but you have a 45 day return option."

Ummm.. do you think I'm really that stupid? Would you buy a guitar you can't play beforehand?


Hey, Fender put out a 70s Strat. Lemme see - I know they're made left handed.
This is NOT a 70s Strat. I have a number of them and this guitar in no way resembles them. The alleged 70s Strat has a 2000s neck. What's wrong with Fender? Do they get better drugs than we do? Why do all the 50s reproductions have 2000s necks? HELLO... IS ANYONE PAYING ATTENTION AT FENDER?

So there was no surprise there.

-------------------------

We located a Disney store. It's virtually unheard of in our neighborhood, so in we went. Disney decided a while back to stop selling shirts and accessories for adults and concentrate on kids. This ignores a huge market - adults love Disney. Mrs. lefty adores Eeyore. She has Eeyore mugs, Eeyore socks, Eeyore clothes, and even Eeyore underwear. Being a resourceful type, I even looked for bras. There are no Eeyore bras.

The employees at Disney are among the most friendly in retail. I strongly suspect they go through 'training' at the Mouse House. The training involves blinky lights and things that go around a lot... "Pay attention to the spinning wheel. You are getting very sleepy. You LOVE Disney. You REALLY love Disney. In fact, you ARE Disney. You eat, sleep, and drink Disney. Your entire life is in service to The Mouse. You will be nothing but friendly and encourage the customers to buy more overpriced stuff at all times. When you wake up, you will have no memory of our little chat.... 1... 2... 3... and now you're awake."

We were approached by no fewer than six helpful, cheerful Mouse Workers. They were so happy that my subconscious was trying to drag my body out of the store. Upon checking out, the lovely checkout lady asked if we minded carrying the stuffed Eeyore we bought.

Huh?
I helpfully suggested an actual bag. You know bags - you get them in every store in the civilized world (and New Jersey).

"Yes, we've gone green and no longer have bags," she said smugly... like she was in California and was doing something great for the planet.

Huh?
"But you can buy this cloth one for 99 cents."
Huh? (she must have thought I was 'slow')

The Smug was heavy in the store.

Anybody who has ever been in customer service (or awake while working) knows you don't take something away and not provide an alternative. An alternative that the customer isn't required to pay extra for. This is stupid, even by Disney standards. I could almost see the blinky lights and the spinning round wheel (it doesn't work on ADHD people, who can't pay attention to spinning wheels and blinky lights long enough to have any effect).

So if I understand correctly, customers are supposed to walk around the mall with huge stuffed Disney figures or ten little stuffed animals, dropping them all over the place. The other stores laugh and say 'they just came from Disney'. Maybe it's just cheap advertising for Disney. Instead of a DISNEY plastic bag, people see all the DISNEY stuff you just bought. On the floor.

Mrs. lefty loves the hell out of large bags with handles, so she said buy one. It's not the 99 cents - it's the principle (my standing on principle is a recurring theme - one that causes me no end of inconvenience. I'm a pro at shooting myself in the foot - I can hit my foot from across the mall). Naturally the bag has a humongous Disney outline on it, so there's no doubt in anyone's mind where you bought it from. And that you paid for the ($&#ing bag.

----------------------

"Are you finding everything ok?"

How many times have you heard this? We were asked this no fewer than 4 times at Victoria's Secret.  By the way, Victoria's Secret is how they get people to pay so much for so little. Like swimsuits, there is an inverse relationship: the less material in the garment, the more it costs.

NO, we're NOT finding everything ok. In fact, we're not finding ANYTHING.
We're wandering from table to table, looking at Stuff. We are playing the 'Let's find something in the store under $75' game.  We noticed Pink (brand) sweatpants for $60. I asked if we covered over the Pink, would the price tag magically lower itself to $9.99?

In a previous store, I noticed a young teenager wearing the absolute tightest shorts I've ever seen. Wife says everybody's wearing them. I'm flummoxed.. so tight that they look like they're sprayed on... to paraphrase Ren and Stimpy's Pope (voiced by Frank Zappa, RIP), "Cling tightly to my buttocks. Both of them?"

I am not my parents. These shorts look quite fine, but not on a teenager. If they weren't black, I'd swear she wasn't wearing anything. Again, this is just fine on legal age women who can wear them well, but I'd get arrested for looking at them on young girls.

Victoria's in an interesting phenomenon. Basically it teaches young girls it's ok to wear lingerie. And $50 thongs. I'm no prude and people can wear whatever they like, but this is interesting.

In happier news, TUBE TOPS ARE BACK!  They're my favorite. I always tried to get Tube Top Tuesdays instituted at work. I was all kinds of excited until Mrs lefty popped up to pop my bubble, reminding me the only people who will be wearing them are the people who shouldn't be wearing them. She's right, and not only because I have to agree. We also noticed that the largest size in anything in the store is Extra Small. So not only is Victoria's for underage girls to spend more money they don't make; it's for very skinny, petite girls. Normally this would be like Disneyland for me (girls without bags to carry them in?), but again, they're underage. I don't want to be Jethro Tull's old man sitting on the park bench, eyeing little girls with bad intent. But let me say something positive about the store: Mrs lefty says their bras are very good and long-lasting. So there's $99 well spent.

As if thongs weren't enough, you can now buy them flat, without lines.
Because no self-respecting woman would want anyone to know their thong has lines (when they bend over and the thong has ridden up their back). Again, the wrong people are wearing them.

"I wear thongs because it makes me sexy to the guys."
Maybe, maybe not. You'd be better served losing 100 of your 300 pounds, though... most men are incapable of mounting a Volkswagen, Hon.

And now I'm going to be called fat-phobic. Even though they're facts.
Actually, if I can get a campaign going to smear me, I'll get way more hits!

---------------------

Since I was with a woman, we stopped at the Lotion and Candle store.  The only men in the store were the ones dragged in by their spouses and the overtly gay employees. Candle stores, makeup stores, and shoe stores. I have no idea why, but it's an observation. The men dragged in by their spouses all had that faraway look, as if they were really not there; perhaps preferring to be on a rack, being tortured by Dick Cheney.

Candle stores are a license to print money. Throw some scented wax in a glass jar and you can charge $37.50 for it (on sale, naturally). If you buy 3 pumpkin spice lotions, you get 2 free (for only $24.99 each). I was incensed (get it?) because they had no rock or dirt scent. This only warmed me up for the biggest piece of genius since P.T. Barnum: the 3 wick candle. This thing is marketing and profit genius the likes of nothing ever seen before.. stay with me... Put three wicks in your normal candle. The candle now burns 3 times faster, and you can charge more money for it! Disney is jealous.

While there, a non-blinky lighted happy salesperson asked if we were looking forward to fall. WHAT? We just got used to spring/summer (we only have 2 seasons where I live - spring/summer and fall/winter). There are decent temperatures among the disgusting hot and humid ones, and it only rains 3 days a week instead of 5. No, we're not looking forward to fall. Plus the @&$(*ing leaves to rake.


So yeah, whenever I walk through a mall, I'm mentally writing this blog.

========================

No single topic blog rant would be complete without a rant on country music. 

There is a band called Big & Rich on tv. They are referred to as country music. Boy, country music has changed since I started avoiding it. The lead singer is black. I know many black lead singers, but this is the first time I've seen a black country lead singer (yes, I know they exist - I just don't watch country music). The drummer has a huge, metallic drum kit and a huge mohawk. There are always at least 4 guitar players in country music, but you can never hear more than one at a time. And since there are 4 guitars, there's also a lone banjo, in the back, in the corner, where all banjos belong. Fortunately the sound man 'forgot' to mic the banjo, so no one is subjected to it. Someone in the audience complained to the sound man they couldn't hear the banjo. The sound man smiled and said 'You're welcome.'

The singers alternate. The white one looks like a country version of Kid Rock, only less trashy. The joke's on the audience, as it's not possible to be more trashy than Kid Rock.

The lead guitarist must've been freshly recruited from a rock or metal act. This guy had all the riffs down to be in a pretty good rock band. I was impressed. This must be why people hate country music. I hear a lot of moaning about how new country music sucks (how does one differentiate it from the traditional country music suckage?). They want to hear ole Hank Williams and plastic-haired Conway Twitty. I swear if that hair hit the floor, it would bounce and injure at least 3 pairs of feet. So the traditionalists are against uptempo and rock-influenced country. Ironically, this stuff sells big time and there are more country fans than ever. Like Katy Perry and any form of rock and roll.

=========================

No single topic blog rant with a country music rant attached would be complete without another random rant. 

There is wonderful news in the medical field: surgeons have pioneered an operation that gives paralyzed people some function in their hands. It's a minor miracle and I am really happy for these folks.

That's the good news.

The bad news is what I saw about it on the news: they told everyone the good news, then they showed the operation, complete with the arm opened and the blood vessels and guts and Victoria's thongs and country music visible for all to see. I was nauseated. My breakfast told me to stop eating it.

Ridgecrest, California just suffered a 7.1 earthquake.

Quick to action, the governor just signed legislation making earthquakes illegal.

A Florida man pretending to be police pulls over a real policeman. It didn't go well.

SJW Stuff

from Twitter:
Air-conditioning is unhealthy, bad, miserable, and sexist. I can’t explain how may times I’ve gotten sick over the summer b/c of overzealous AC in offices. #BanAC

Mornings: A Pox on Humanity

The Army has lifted their ban on recruits with mental health issues, like self-harm, bipolar disorder, depression, drug and alcohol abuse. If they're serious about mental health issues, they should recruit paranoid schizophrenics, manics, sociopaths, and psychopaths. They can get the job done.

• While joking with my lesbian friend, I told her I'm so good, she'll wish I was female. She was most amused, but started asking me about my wife. Perhaps she isn't a latent heterosexual after all.

A week after the iPhone X was released, a Vietnamese security company has cracked the face recognition, allowing access to the phone. It involves a mask printed with a 3D printer, some silicone, makeup and two-dimensional images, costing about $150. There still may be a passcode requirement in certain cases, but they got there. Yeah, fingerprint, facial recognition, very secure.

Just for fun, a British supermarket is experimenting with facial recognition at checkout, using a smartphone app. What could possibly go wrong?

• If you're not ready to delete your Faceyspaces account, you can deactivate it. Of course, none of us have a Faceyspaces account, and even if we did, it would already be deleted.

A Russian developer snuck cryptocurrency mining into certain android apps. Although this is not technically illegal, it should have been disclosed. Mining benefits the developer and slow the app down appreciably. While there's no sure way to avoid this, I urge the same cautions you should use for any android app: read the reviews for obvious shills and weird foreign spellings of words and grammar. Don't download foreign apps, even if there are a million downloads already. Stick to known apps. Also, don't install anything by "Oxothuk", who claims he disclosed mining via Terms and Conditions, which should come with a five dollar reward for reading. Install Malwarebytes. Be careful out there.

• Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the air, you might want to avoid the 757 and 737, which are the majority of planes. DHS hired hackers, who managed to get into the planes' control systems. The results are classified. The hacks are not out for anybody to use. They don't affect the 787 or Airbus A350, which have 'cybersecurity built in.'

A passenger was asked to deplane after her emotional support pig became disruptive.  She complied and took a later flight, with her emotional support elephant.

• Another of the Smallest Books Known to Man: Heterosexual Males in the Audience at the Wendy Show.
• Speaking of which, don't forget to avoid any tv show that uses the phrase "baby mama" or has "Dog the Fatty Hunter" in the name.

Don Ritchie saved between 160 and 500 people from suicide in Australia, maintaining a post by a popular spot to leap. "Why don't you come and have a cup of tea?" he'd ask people who were ready to jump off the cliff. An everyday hero.

• As his health is almost puppy-like, Marshall's behavior has gone straight to hell. He has throughly trained his mom to show up when he gives a cue. The cue is either whining, whine/growling, or a sharp bark. It sometimes gets worse when we're eating, which is intolerable. Lately we've taken to ignoring the little loon because when he realizes he's not getting anything, he leaps on the couch or the bed and snoozes. His need for whatever he needs keeps his mom up most of the night. If she makes the mistake of sleeping, he leaps up, whines, and waits for her to make eye contact. This can go on a number of times. I think he knows his dad will not wake up for much of anything.

Yeah, we know I'm a bit behind in my popular culture.
There are many claims of Illuminati involvement in the music industry. If nothing else, it's a shockingly salacious claim for the public, which will suck up whatever it's told. Most of the public is unaware of it but it's gaining popularity and has no shortage of YouTube and other 'proof'. I checked with an industry person, who flatly refused to discuss it with me, backing off like mad.

If you're even newer to the game than me, these huge stars go through mind control to push a large, nefarious agenda. The Manchurian Candidate is not a work of fiction, period. If you have any doubts, look up the MK-ULTRA program, run by our friends in the CIA, with our tax dollars. This morning I read that the Canadian government quietly paid on a claim for a MK-ULTRA survivor (part of the experiments were done in Canada, at the behest of the CIA). The US also paid, after MK-ULTRA was discussed in Congress (with the required missing/destroyed documents).

How does the mind control work? The subject is subject to torture to create alternate personalities (alters) for whatever reason. In Manchurian Candidate, it was for a political purpose. When I say torture, I'm not kidding. You can do the research on YouTube and the net.

Mind control is Multiple Personality Disorder (now Dissociative Identity Disorder). It is 'usually' achieved in childhood, from repeated traumatic sexual abuse, whether sick child molesters or cults. The personality is not really set til about age nine, so it's easier to create in children.

I recently came across this Britney Spears clip.
It's an interview with Diane Sawyer, where Britney behaves strangely, popping out laughing and talking like a child. This is allegedly proof of what's called Monarch programming. I asked my in-house expert, who was wide-eyed, and said there were three alters there.

There are a host of other clips of entertainers and politicians. A lot of what's out there is pure BS, but this deserves further investigation. A clip of Serena Williams comes right out and mentions the names of certain alters, saying she was unaware of one being out, but was told she was at one tournament. Sometimes the host personality (the original) is unaware of the presence of others. Sometimes they are aware. Sometimes they achieve co-consciousness (two are aware at the same time), which I'm guessing is rare in these cases.

You'll also note that sometimes celebrities wig out (Britney's famous hair removal, Katy Perry's breakdown). My guess is that they go back for a tune-up. This is just a guess, but based upon my knowledge of generic DID, a system can crash.

I joke about being a tin foil hat kinda guy, but the evidence is there. Your job is to take a look and come to your own conclusions. Will you wear the Hat or just refer to me as a kook?

a person (and his dog) needs to be comfortable

Aaaaaaaaand it's Muslims

Our hearts go out to the people of Manchester after the latest cowardly terrorist act.

Some would describe any Ariana Grande concert as a terrorist act but I'll wait a few days.

It's getting to the point that the moment there's word of any disruption, you start the countdown clock, waiting for the announcement that ISIS is at it again. I'm sure the other terrorist groups are feeling left out.

It would appear that the people who want to 'extreme vet' immigrants have a bit of a point. Unfettered immigration overseas hasn't gone well.

*Speaking of Ms. Grande, she has been quoted as saying she hates Americans and then there's the video of her in a bakery, licking donuts and putting them back. She also dresses like a fetish model then complains she feels 'objectified.'

In further Manchester news, England will actually prosecute for you saying ISIS is bad. At least we have freedom of speech here.

In still further news from somewhere left of Bernie, noted game developer and part-time hat stand Brianna Wu let this loose on Twitter: When a man straps on a bomb of nails, goes to a woman's concert to kill an audience of women and girls, IT'S A SAFE BET SEXISM IS INVOLVED. To say this woman is unstable is to do an injustice to the people who are legitimately unstable.

As if there couldn't possibly be more, there is. Katy Perry has commented on the Manchester bombing: 'No barriers, no borders, we all just need to co-exist.' The wit. The intellect. It hurts.

• Some random dude from Alabama is going to jail for online harassment of fifty women (that they know about). There was little rhyme or reason as to how they were selected, but he researched them online enough to guess their passwords and hacked away, getting into their phones and CLOUD accounts and stealing their pictures.  Again, this is some random dude from Alabama. If he caused this much damage to this large number of women, it's kinda frightening, no? It's not like he's a hacker. Hmm... oh, I see.. their passwords were so crappy he was able to guess them from online research. Read and weep. It's a good article, with practical examples of how to avoid this.

Sir Roger Moore (89) has shuffled off his mortal coil, after a short battle with cancer.  RIP, Mr. Bond.

• Marshall the cocker had his one month post-surgical visit the other day. The surgeon was shocked - she did not expect to see him in the wonderful shape he's in. We're all happy and thankful. Marshall was so enthused, he shit in the exam room. Marshall is a very complex dog.
• Speaking of complex, we can now brag that our little monster can remove the white plastic top from a Dunkin Donuts styrofoam cup AND the clear plastic top from the clear plastic cup. After either, he goes face-down into the coffee, hot or cold, and sees no ill effects from it. It's a shame I didn't have him when I needed to write papers and book reports.

Data theft allegations against four former House IT workers have gone nowhere and people are baffled. The suspicion is that these workers have data on House members, in a blackmailing kinda way. If your outlook on government is not completely sour at this moment, read this article and see how you feel. My favorite line is that there are rules stating that staffers cannot make more than House members. These are the people who are legally immune to their own laws and don't have to use the piddling Obamacare insurance - they have their own.

• A cyber-attack in Florida resulted in hackers getting hold of names of 16,000 people who hold concealed-weapon licenses.  Imagine.. that much information in one place. Poorly secured. Is there too much data stored? Do we need concealed weapon licenses? Do you trust the keepers of this data? Go ahead - guess what the ThermionicEmissions answer is.

UK Secret Classifications (applies everywhere):
Top Secret: Stuff that gets left on the train
Secret: Stuff the press has
Official: Safe to give to politicians

• Got one of those dandy new Samsung Galaxy S8 phones? They have the dandy new iris scanner. As expected, the scanner can be bypassed with a photo of your iris. The only thing missing here is the Internet of Things connection so if your signal is bad, you can't unlock the phone. Or use your iris.
• Speaking of iris. Irii? Irises? Iras? Samsung should abandon iris unlocking anyway and go for something more adventurous: breast unlocking. After all, no two breasts are alike... plus it would make morning commutes much more interesting - especially on the train.

Our local 'news' morning show has revealed that there's a 'feud' between Katy Perry and Taylor Swift. Putting aside my prior theory that Taylor is a fembot, and would therefore win any contest, I think this is getting out of hand. Feuds became very popular during the East Coast-West Coast rapper days. In a bid to pump up a career or get some 'cred,' these lilly white, alleged Songstresses to the Tweens are out there generating press.

No, seriously.

On 'news' programs, to my absolute horror, some have added a 'social media desk,' where a 'reporter' will weigh in on Faceyspaces and Twitter matters of great import. We will now need to contact the business on-air furniture department because we need another space: news will need to hire a Feud Reporter, with in-depth, up to the moment news of who's feuding with whom, who stole a boyfriend/girlfriend (or both), and some background on the feud and who it affects.

As if that weren't enough, we'll need one more seat. We can call this person the Sociology Reporter. He or she will report on what the feud means in terms of sociology and why we're all going to hell because of it. When news is completely devoid of content and owned by six mega-corporations, we deserve at least one person on staff to tell us the truth while the ninnies do their dance.


Wait, I hear someone fiddling....

Happy Hendrix Holiday

Every day is a Hendrix day but November 27 is Jimi's birthday.  Many Happys, Jimi.

• San Francisco's Municipal Railway system was hit by a ransomware attack. This allowed the passengers to ride free, as the ticket system was down. Insert joke about malware not always being bad. The hackers demanded $73,000. The Railway folks vow not to pay ransom. From my reading, they might want to tighten up the system in one or 1,000 places.
• Just in - in a Monty Python-esque bit of news, the hacker was hacked. Yes, the fine gentleman responsible for the Muni ransomware hack had his email address hacked by a security researcher. How? He guessed the security question, allowing him to reset the password on the email account. Let that be a lesson to you, whatever that means. Oh yeah, strong account security, on everything including throwaway email accounts.

2016 hasn't been too good a year, what with the election nonsense, musicians and others dying, and over 900 recorded security breaches. And those are the recorded ones. Not counted are the hushed and the as-yet-undiscovered ones. There are two types of businesses: the types who have been hacked and the types that don't know they've been hacked. Read the link or just take my word for it. Pass the tissues, please.

• if you have any sort of iCloud account and are receiving calendar or sharing spam, do not reply or decline. If you do, the account will be flagged as live and you'll get more spam. 

Over in the UK, vegetarians and vegans have discovered that the five pound notes are made with a substance derived from animal fat. My singular (identified) vegan reader is going to be glad they fled the UK. How do I know I have a vegan reader? These Google blogger controls are very sophisticated.

• Russia is a funny place. A holocaust-themed ice dance is drawing condemnation. Hmm... ice... probably not Springtime for Hitler then... Hitler on Ice? That's Not my Nazi? Six Million Jews Can't be Wrong?

A giant shield built to cover the damaged nuclear reactor in Chernobyl has been moved into place.  In other news, the Kremlin has announced that Lenin's death certificate has been filed.

• If you're thinking about a night out in Brussels, be aware of a Dancing Tax. Yes, a tax on dancing. And by all means, do NOT go to the bathroom.

Are you, by chance, a Canadian who was caught drunk driving? Those wacky Canuck lawmakers have a punishment for you.. worse than death.. you may be forced to listen to Nickelback. I thought this was against the Geneva Convention but what do I know...

• Who's got time to watch the 37 Harry Potter films? Watch this shortcut instead.

Today's Helpful Tip: How to stop feeling guilty about everything.

* Shoot yourself.

Next week: World Peace

If you're looking for somewhat less deadly suggestions, although I can't imagine why, try here.

• Equality strikes again! Congress, bastion of rationality, has taken women being required to sign up for the draft off the table. Oddly enough, no feminists demanding equality has complained about this. Equality means equality in everything. Or rather, equality when it suits them.
• Having said that, I don't think men should register either.

If you use Firefox through Tor, turn off javascript (like we do anyway) or use another browser until a patch is released. This is for Windows only. Try using the NoScript addin.

• The New York Times asks the question: Can tv be fair to Muslims? ThermionicEmissions answers: not til long after they're fair to the left-handed.

The FDA has agreed to Ecstasy trials for PTSD patients. It's an exciting time for those with PTSD. And before you ask, you can't just go out and get some PTSD. You can sign up to serve in Afghanistan but I don't recommend it.

• An Australian man handed over a breast implant to police, thinking it was evidence of a crime. The 'evidence' was revealed to be a jellyfish. Australian breast implant manufacturers call foul and demand jellyfish alter their appearance to look less like implants.

Hillary Clinton presented a humanitarian award to Katy Perry the other night. Dubbed 'The Axis of Incompetence Tour,' no one can figure out why. A failed politician known for corruption and lying, presenting an award to a singer known for her breasts.

• President-elect Donald 'Me' Trump has announced he is cutting ties with his businesses to focus on running the country, leaving them to his children. Ivanka is excited, hoping for a salary rivaling Chelsea Clinton's.

To no one's surprise, Marshall the cocker is running the house, to an unprecedented degree. He used to bark to go outside. Now he makes a pitiful whining noise. Having discovered whining works, he is now doing a full scale study on Human Behavioral Patterns and whining most of the time, just to see how many times he can make the humans do things until they start refusing. By 9:15am, he has gotten fed twice, been served cold bottled water, and gone outside four times. He counts the experiment as a success and it will be peer-reviewed and written up in Dog Psychology magazine. The humans, out of their minds from constantly being bossed around by a quadruped, are looking into a doggie door, which will not work, due to other quadrupeds possibly using it.

To Amuse and Confuse

A Chicago woman is tired of all the violence. Her idea for the fix is to call a "sex strike". Women agree to abstinence until the men of the community put down their guns. She said "you have to hit people where it hurts."  Why stop there - world peace or you get nothing.

• The Islamic State paper carried a picture of the Schweppes soda can and materials used to make the bomb that took down the Russian airliner. The ironic part is that the airline charged the passenger three dollars for the can.

What do you do when hundreds of protesters are outside of the building where President Obama and other leaders of the Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation (APEC) group are meeting? Crank up the Katy Perry on a convenient p.a. system!  Nothing gets rid of unruly mobs like Katy Perry.

• A woman started strolling down the lanes of San Francisco's Bay Bridge, while stripping down to her underwear. It took California Highway Patrol twenty minutes to corral the offending stripper. In a move nobody could have predicted, police took the lady to the San Francisco General Hospital for a psych evaluation. What could possibly be wrong with spreading a little joy to some poor folks driving home from work?

As mentioned a while back, a woman who was carrying a loaded gun in her vagina when she was booked into jail is about to be sentenced to several years in jail. The arrest is part of Tennessee's successful new Gun in Vagina-Go to Jail program.

• The University of Missouri will march today, demanding that the KKK stop wearing white robes.

SCOOP: I'll bet you didn't know that today is United Nations World Toilet Day. Who says the UN is a useless organization? WARNING: link contains toilets.

• Watching the College Entitlement Festival is somewhat alarming these days. A Columbia student claims to be traumatized by reading about white people. I did not make this up.

A Pennsylvania woman accused of running a prostitution ring said her only crime was operating a massage business without a license. As for sex, she said she charged fifty dollars for a massage and if anything else happened, it was just between friends. She did not solicit but did accept money afterwards. Why can't we all get along? And where is this massage place - just for the sake of accuracy, of course...

• Apple Music chief says finding music is online is too difficult for women. I routinely say Stupid Things and hear about it later, but this guy hit one out of the park and into the next country. See? Nothing good comes from Apple.

In 2005 the CIA was in federal court, refusing to disclose its federal budget. From 1963.

• In case you never gave it any thought, adults all over the world are looked down upon for choosing not to have children. And I thought it was tough being a libertarian.

GOOD NEIGHBOR POLICY:  ISIS has been warned that if they are planning attacks in New York, they will have to contend with the Sicilian mafia. There is no word on whether New York has been 'asked' to pay for the protection.

• Remember the God Hates Fags people? This is a really good story about one of their members.

It's Black Friday(-ish) time and there may be deals to be had. Consider this Oral-B SmartSeries Electric Rechargeable Toothbrush with Bluetooth!  Hang on... with Bluetooth? A toothbrush. With Bluetooth. Do we perhaps need to start it early, like our car, to warm it up? Does it communicate with your phone to assess your brushing prowess? Does it summon the Tooth Fairy in emergencies? Will it call an ambulance if your teeth stop responding?

BRIEF BIT O' SOUNDS

• Something About Rosanna: Rosanna Arquette is really something special. I cannot tell you how I know this. She is the direct inspiration for Toto's Rosanna and Peter Gabriel's In Your Eyes. She must know stuff.

This guy discovered a bug in the linux Gnome desktop.