Watching Pr0n for the Plot

Your love is like: eating screwdrivers

When Elon Musk bought Twitter, the hue and cry was unprecedented. I, naturally, enjoyed the hell out of it. I like to watch things burn.  But I had no problem with Mr. Musk and found the entire affair overblown. I spend a lot of time skewering things and it's only fair to admit when I was wrong (should it ever happen). Well, it happened. It looked like there weren't any insane policies springing up, and there weren't. Then he got busy sawing off the limb he was standing upon, the latest being reading limits. Huh? Do tv stations have watching limits? The entire idea is to get you to watch ads. So why is Musk imposing a limit? News also indicates a horrible spam problem, this time of an adult nature, that can get into your DMs. You can't read anything without signing in. Free speech, of which Musk claimed to be an absolutist, has been curtailed. I have to agree with the Twitter escapees - it's time to go elsewhere. Farewell to a fine institution - where everyone went for the pre-press breaking news. Even the press went to Twitter. Bluesky, a decentralized social network, has halted signups because of the multitude of defections from Twitter. Threads had over 100 million signups the first week. Unfortunately you have to have an Instagram account to use Threads, and if you delete your Threads account, your Instagram account goes with it. BFD - it's Lord Zuck and the Faceyspaces crowd... it's just another suck of your information.

I hate to say this, but there is only one free-speech platform: GAB. GAB has a terrible reputation for alt-right and nazi users. Well, that's what happens when you allow free speech. Mute the bastards. Besides - I'd rather have them where I can see them. Once you mute the garbage, it's a nice place to hang out. The owner is a born-again Christian and there is a huge push to get Christianity back into the mainstream, which also has to be watched, only so no First Amendment violations occur. I'm providing a less than stellar review, but the people are really nice and I want to support Free Speech. Any Twitter user will be able to operate it without instructions. There are special interest groups (GUITAR) too. Take a look - the worst that can happen is you decide it's not for you.

Next: Reddit has gone insane, charging $20 million (adjusted) for access to its main feed. This means any program you use to access Reddit cannot be used unless they pay the $20 million ransom. The net effect is that you're stuck using the official Reddit client, which is also insane. The other programs exist because the official client 'doesn't fulfill everyone's needs' (is poop). Many many subreddits went dark to protest the ransom and Reddit held its position, threatening to throw the (unpaid) moderators off.

Mexican mayor weds crocodile in harvest ritual

Husband subsequently missing left arm, half of right leg, and the means to consummate the marriage.

Florida mosquitoes test positive for malaria as officials spray area

Quick - somebody dig up Fauci.. we need to vaccinate the mosquitos!

 There's something I never saw before.... 

We were in a restaurant, having the traditional breakfast of pizza and burgers, when I saw something. She was an elderly lady, but she was a brunette. She was on the way to her table and I couldn't help but notice her gait... I don't mean to be impolite, but it looked as if her head was too large and weighed too much to carry, so it sat kinda  tilted sideways. I have seen much more normal looking 105 year olds. Perhaps her body rejected her head and the head never got the memo. 

I said to myself 'there's something you don't see often.'  Then I looked over to her right to see another quite elderly brunette. The good news was that her body had not rejected her head. In her case, the bottom part of her body had rejected the top half. This took the form of most of the top of her leaning over to one side as she walked. So it looked like she was going 2 places at once. Very clever in its simplicity.

I finally figured out what was up when a young person in scrubs sat down: the young person was chaperoning the old ladies on a trip away from the farm, or wherever it was they came from. Considering the healthcare system, she was probably making an exorbitant amount of money, which could account for the fact that she didn't care, and flip flops were perfectly ok in healthcare and restaurants.

Old Lady #3 (you knew there were more) was less than thrilled with their seating arrangements and proceded to half walk, half stumble to other tables in the general area, to determine suitability for her derrierre for lunch. We weren't sure what the criteria were and we were afraid to speculate. Mrs. lefty heard a conversation among the Seated Ones about the booth not being to their liking. We suspect Old Lady #3 was examining cleanliness of the tables and that none were to her satisfaction. Had we waited, we probably could have seen her wet her finger and hold it up to determine wind direction and speed, as well as the angle of the sun vs the tinted window glass. I felt sorry for the poor healthcare lady, who had to ride herd on 3 or 4 Old Ladies (I can't count that high). I suspect they sometimes use their age to distract her while one of them sneaks off for some nookie (or a cupcake). That poor health aide earns her salary. Next time she's going to lock the ladies in her car while she goes to the restaurant for takeout. Even if one of them fiugured out how to unlock the car, none of them could get out without assistaqnce.

We just looked at each other said said we weren't going to pick on them because that could be us one day. Except they had all their hair. 

• I just made a list of all the lists I have to make

Like everyone else, I have been watching the progress of EVs (electrical vehicles). I think it's great that many are adopting the same plug (Tesla, for better or worse), so more hardware isn't needed.  My concerns remain...

1. I will spend the entire ride looking at the battery gauge, nervous about how 'full' my tank is and how long til it runs out and will I get stuck (even with a planned stop to charge).
2. If I'm concerned about pollution from gas vehicles, I can also be concerned about pollution created in making electricity to charge EVs. Double Secret Neurosis! 
3. Can my mechanic fix it? How much more will it cost? (it's NOT going to be cheaper)
4. Is the cost close to my gas burner?
5. OMG, the tracking.
6. OMG the hacking.
7. NFW a Tesla. Too many bugs and flames.

Interesting to note that if you ride a cycle, you're a person strapped to an engine. In an EV, you're a person belted to batteries. If you happen to explode, the fire company needs special chemicals - water won't work.

Readership at ThermionicEmissions is up. Way up. 

Of course this causes me to question things. From a handful of daily readers to a thousand or two seems somewhat dramatic. I'm inclined to think the algorithms or other stats have simply gone insane. Why can't I just leave it alone and allow it to stroke my ego? You'd think I started posting naked ladies...

• There is just no feeling like the feeling of getting to your desk with a fresh cup of coffee.
• Other than finding your coffee full of grounds... or a fly. Happy Morning, folks!

• P.S. the coffee grounds fall to the bottom. The flies don't (don't ask).

Sarah Silverman and many others are suing ChatGPT for scraping their books and sites.

We are in agreement with the suers - it's their content. Fortunately we here at ThermionicEmissions don't have to worry about this: most of the content at TE isn't allowed to be used in ChatGPT, due to voluntary censorship/sanitizing. 

She was a little young - she still had some acne. But she was very pretty, especially if you stood back a little, where you didn't notice the acne. If you backed up another step or two, she looked even better. Her voice... unfortunately her voice did not share the beauty of her face. It's not that it was shrill, but nails on a chalkboard told me her voice was grating and scary. So from across the room, she was a solid 8, especially where you couldn't hear her. At that point, she looked even better, like a model at a bar. After 5 years, I found myself 17 miles away. I couldn't see her, I couldn't hear her, and she couldn't find me. I was a happy man.

Captivity - Day 98 Get your emojis off my subject line

We've turned up missing.
Things happened.
With my computer.
Things that you wouldn't believe.
Things that couldn't happen, even if I performed them manually.

I think I purchased Satan's solid state drive.
This would not surprise any ThermionicEmissions reader.
I put the drive in for more space. It proceeded to become involved in the boot process, so when I removed it, the machine wouldn't boot.
Several of the best utilities and the best advice later, nothing continued to work.
Further, several of the drive partitions had switched places. This does not happen. I couldn't make it happen if I wanted to. Once I realized what happened, I reinstalled my operating system (which disappeared) and off we were.

We're going to have a group of exorcists by later on today. The only question is if the computer has to be Catholic...


What does this have to do with the blog?
I was too demoralized to bother with anything else, plus I had to remain calm and silent: the police said some neighbors had come up missing.


Mr lefty's birthday was recently.
For her special day, she took my mother to lunch and completely ignored me.
That's ok, I was consoled by the Twins.




Code Green will also present a problem at our massage parlors. The masseurs have to get certified to massage at 6'. Ever tried to give manual stimulation from across the room?


It looks like our vaunted Captivity series is coming to an end. And when I say coming to an end, I mean 'as Idiot Mayor deigns'. Then it will be back to our normal ranting.



So Scotland is looking at their own spaceport.
Over at NASA: "Sir...SIR... come quickly! We're getting some otherworldly noise over the radio. Maybe it's the signal we're not alone!"

"No, Johnson, that's the Scots talking."



Back at home, we've been cleaning and rearranging furiously.
And when I say furiously, I mean we're furiously throwing anything that isn't nailed down (and a few that are) across the room. Occasionally through windows. If we wait til very late, it competes with the fireworks.  Fireworks? Fireworks. We have 1 or 2 idiots who set off fireworks for no apparent reason, every few days. I like to communicate with them when they do...

Them: BOOM
Me: Take your small dick inside with your fireworks!
Them: silence.
Them: BOOM

Another massive step for neighborly relations.
     Sometimes I grow weary of being the Weird House; other times I have to protect my title.



As everyone knows, we're on the brink of electric cars.
Seems like a good idea.
Of course, there's always fallout...

• Godammit, Jimmy.... you took the car and didn't plug it in. How am I going to get to work today?
• No, you have to plug it into its own special outlet. And you CAN'T plug the tv into that outlet... this is the 3rd tv this month.
• You also can't plug your little sister into that outlet. Sometimes I think the stork dropped off the wrong baby.

In grade school, we found out a neighbor's kid honestly thought the stork brought babies. He must've had some interesting parents. If Mom, heaven forbid, lost the baby, did they tell him the stork took the baby?

I think I've found a solution to knocking down statues: any statue destroyed will be fed to the destroyers.

I wanted to bring you this, which is the main reason I brought everything back up: Fish eggs can hatch after being eaten and pooped out by ducks.

Artificial? Yes. Intelligence? No.

I was listening to some radio the other day. It briefly mentioned weather control. Weather control exists and has existed since the Civil War, when the combatants realized all that gunpowder going up to the clouds caused it to rain. Weather control is certainly one reason why the weather is so unbelievably messed up. The east coast seems to have more clouds than sun. I'd study it scientifically, but I don't need that kind of depression. Other explanations include climate change, global warm showers with massage, and the hot air coming from the White House for the last 50 years.



Dear lefty:

• What's eating you today?
• You.

• I want to recommend this blog to a friend. How would you describe it?
• Hostile to democrats. And republicans. And Social Justice Workers. And the Stupid. And tv, the outdoors, mowing, Dear lefty questioners, and moving from the couch. Come to think of it, ThermionicEmissions is hostile to most things. This is all care of the CEO of Sarcasm.  How could you go wrong? 

Things are getting interesting-er in the UK.

One of the frontrunners, Boris Yeltsin Johnson, of the Very Silly Hair Party, keeps refusing to show up. He didn't show up for Trump and now he won't show up for debates. There was also some sort of fracas with his girlfriend, and the police were called. The press said his personal business is his, then gave his girlfriend's name, the police officers who came to her home, and what she was wearing.  America, let's get those Boris Balloons ready!

In other news, US news said Trump's personal life is his business, then the entire crew laughed so hard, they had to go to commercial. When they returned, they still had tears rolling down their faces and tried, unsuccessfully, to not laugh during other stories. 

• 68% of the people are worried about climate change. They vow to do something about it, some day, but only if it doesn't include the parts that affect flying, manufacturing, cars, and trucks. Other than that, they're quite motivated.
• Science is being done on this problem by looking into other things that are cleaner than coal, like burning politicians instead. This will fail miserably, as there's no substance there. They don't burn long. Or so I hear.

After walking around a mall with Mrs lefty, my legs started to hurt all over. It's obvious to me that I need to spend more time on the couch.

• Bernie Sanders says "It's not appropriate" to deport illegal aliens that don't follow the law in the US.
• Change is inevitable, but imagine your grandfather's reaction to a socialist running for president, who doesn't think it's appropriate to deport lawbreakers.

I pick on Dog the Bounty Hunter mercilessly, for obvious reasons.

His wife, Beth, has been admitted to the hospital and is in a medically induced coma. She has had multiple cancers but there is no information on the current admission.

ThermionicEmissions wishes her best of health and peace to her family.

• Wanna learn more about browsing and privacy? Wired has a very good, human language description of desktop and mobile browsers and their privacy features.
• Walmart and Amazon want to look inside your house and keep video notes.

A Las Vegas professor shot himself in the arm to protest Trump.

This would be the second person to shoot themself over Trump. There probably won't be any calls for gun control over this, as these are the people who are calling for it.

Meanwhile, the White House is bridging the divide by giving out free guns to its enemies.

• Thailand's Wild Boars soccer team marks its first anniversary of going missing in a cave and their subsequent rescue.
• Some removed the roof of their house, some won't leave the house, and most won't bathe. On the bright side, you never have to wait in line to go cave exploring.

The Mars Rover has discovered high levels of methane.

We now know that the Martians fart a lot - global warming is coming to Mars! 

• After the tv series Chernobyl, people are flocking there for tours and taking selfies.
• P.T. Barnum is in hysterics from his grave. You will never go hungry, overestimating the stupidity of people. Because you can't.
• Buoyed by opportunity, tours are planned for Fukushima, Three Mile Island, and the underwater caves in Thailand. There is light at the end of the tunnel: these people will die sooner.
• Just announced: (highly) discounted tours to the Dominican Republic, where you can take selfies with in-room microbars.

So, how about that climate change?

One immediate reaction is moving toward zero emission vehicles. In English, this means electric cars. Most sane carbon-based lifeforms agree that zero-emissions is a good idea. I'm not a scientist (or ballerina) but what about the electricity to run and charge these cars? I suspect it's not zero-emissions. What about the batteries - how long will they last? What do we do with them when they fail? How much will it cost to replace them? These are some valid questions we haven't seen addressed in the mad rush to sell and purchase electric cars.  

I drove a hybrid for a few days and liked it. I'd buy one, but I don't trust batteries, per the above questions. The adjusted miles per gallon figures aren't that impressive, though. Battery technology continues to improve but I have a feeling we're too early in the process and will get bitten at the back end (in the back end).

SJW News

Article:

"How can our future Mars colonies be free of sexism and racism?"

CNN:

A black, transgender and disabled model just landed her first major magazine cover.  

Saw this on Twitter:

1919: “Work is tough: I had to be recruited to work a job in the munitions factory handling TNT and other poisonous substances without appropriate protective clothing, because the job was vacated by so many men who had to leave to fight in a world war”

2019: Vice Magazine: Work Sucks, Especially When People Get Your Pronouns Wrong.

Pronouns for multiple personality disorder:

You (plural but NOT singular), they, them, all youse

Batteries Leak. Don't Ask How I Know.

As a result of Something or Other, perhaps the humidity, my touchpad and mouse got weird on me. Not pleasant weird.. difficult weird. A lot of people despise touchpads because they're black, which is unconscionable. Another reason would be it's very difficult to maneuver the cursor with any degree of precision. Making a window smaller (grabbing and moving) can cause frustration so bad, people have been known to go out on workman's compensation after trying for a few hours.

As a result of Something or Other, it has become really easy to grab and move the outside border. Ridiculously easy. In fact, I can only grab the border - when I try to grab the move the window by grabbing near the title, it's difficult.

Completely unrelated: I haven't been able to get to the eye doctor, so I have to make the text on my cell phone larger. Completely unrelated.

• Confirmed: The Guardian story on the Faceyspaces' massive data breach has been removed as 'spam'.
• Any Minute Now: Faceyspaces will announce this was a minor error in their system and they regret it (getting caught).
• In a Faceyspaces followup call, the platform revealed that if your account was impacted, a hacker could have accessed any account you log into using Faceyspaces.
• Once again, Faceyspaces regrets the error (getting caught) and values your information and stores it all safely, at Grandma's house, in the basement, by the old wheelbarrow. Oops.

There's an app coming out for a style social network.
You know this is a disaster in the making.
Never mind the young, attractive people in the commercial start out completely naked, with their Naughty Bits blurred. As far as I know, not a single person has blurred Naughty Bits in real life (although I wonder if Japanese men really have pixelated penises).

The idea of this app is that you can look exactly like someone that influences you (probably named Kardashian). So the attractive naked people point their phones at random folks walking down the street and POOF - they get their exact 'look', meaning exactly what they're wearing.

Most people over 12 have passed this stage.
Unless, of course, you have huge amounts of disposable cash, don't have to work, and you're afraid people will shoot (or shun) you if you're not up to (or in front of) current in fashion.

Their motto is "Staying stylish has never been so easy."
It should be, more accurately, "Staying stupid has never been so easy."
Or "Nobody ever made waves being cute and vapid."

Pardon me while I lose my lunch (plus dinner from the past week).

• You know somebody's got a problem when.....
• you buy your friend a pad that says "Honey Do List" as a joke. She laughs and asks where she can get more. 
• She will make some lucky man's life perfectly miserable.

So, what's happening in the local concert scene, lefty?
Glad you asked....

Wild Card Country

The Ultimate Tribute Experience with tribute performances of Garth Brooks, Alan Jackson, Dolly Parton, Shania Twain, & a surprise wild card guest!

Unsatisfied, I called the venue. As I hoped, there will be a team of mental health support professionals and a few puppies, to help with any trauma or suicidal ideation produced by prolonged exposure to country music. Especially country music done in tribute format.

If this sort of thing is allowed to go unchecked, it's only a matter of time til we're invited to see Biggie and Tupac tribute 'bands'.


As we're already on the topic, you're probably asking yourself what the ticket agencies recommend for us this week. You're in luck - it just arrived!  The list, personalized just for me, includes such instrumental classic rock as New Kids on the Block, the Clintons, Edie Brickell & New Bohemians, Englebert Humperdinck, and everybody's favorite reason to welcome the apocalypse:  Dancing with the Stars Live!

• No, really, the Clintons are touring. Although one would hope it's some sort of country group, it's the actual Bill and Hillary.
• Tempted as I am to make a snide comment, I won't.
• This is a very libertarian tour, if you think about it. They stole and spent your money for years; now you have the choice of whether you'd like to voluntarily give it to them.

What good would any post be without news of Faceyspaces?
Currently, the Evil Empire is testing a location feature on Instagram, that will allow them to build up a user’s location history from data collected on a user’s phone. Asked for comment, Faceyspaces' users yawned and rolled over.

I wonder if this is different from the Faceyspaces app, which sucks up every piece of data on your phone, to which you gave it permission.

• People who dress their pets for Halloween: remember, they know where you sleep.

I'm listening to an old Art Bell rerun and trying to figure out who he's interviewing. The man's a psychic, and they're discussing death. The fellow says death is pre-programmed, and you can check out at one of five times. I'm just listening in case something makes sense. Turns out that was a mistake... the gentleman being interviewed was Sylvia Browne. Sorry, Sylvia. If the dead have an Earth Feed, this may be my last post.

• Google admits abandonment of free speech for safety and civility. But relax - Google would never censor anything.

What happens when you're a humongous British airport, which allows employees to use any old USB stick for work, including personal ones, and doesn't require passwords or encryption? When I say 'allows,' I mean 'has no enforceable policy on the use of.'  The stick winds up on the ground in some suburb. Because it isn't encrypted, there are 1,000 files, ready for the taking, with information on security systems and procedures.

OMG - Terrorism!

Heathrow Airport is still reeling from the 120,000 pound fine ($1.95 American).
That's like having a small insect dropped on your auxiliary runway!

The only person with a any quantity of common sense is the guy who found the USB stick. Never, EVER, plug a found USB stick into your computer. NEVER. You have no idea what's on it. It might even have been put there for this purpose, perhaps at work. This smart gentleman went to his public library and plugged it into THEIR computer. This way if there was a virus, it would only infect the entire public library system. This was brilliant because the entire system is about to close anyone, as no one can read those book things anyway... that's why we have an internet. Books don't even scroll for you.

• OOF. An article about the short-term dystopian future, where no one owns a car and all transportation is done via autonomous electric cars.
• Yeah.
• Americans have had a Car Culture since at least the 1950s. We're fiercely independent. Some of us have cars that are actually set up to produce Maximum Noise via the tailpipes. Some via the stereo system, which their car was built around.
• Much as driving isn't my favorite sport, I'd drive for hours before sitting in an autonomous vehicle, sync'd with all the other autonomous vehicles, in a huge information network rivaling Faceyspaces'. One in which the governing software still has a few 'minor bugs.'
• I don't think anyone has a problem with the concept of substituting a clean engine for the internal combustion engine's output, but what's involved in building the engines and, more importantly, powering them? Batteries are not clean technology. I'm certainly no expert: do the math.

The great thing about weather apps is that you can now bring home the gross inaccuracy of forecasts you only saw on tv.

Everyone has their favorite tv show... some (ashamedly) like reality tv. Some (mental patients) watch Kardashians. I hear people watch sports! What's my poison? British police shows and any show with security people in airports. What do you mean that's not normal? My wife watches shows with panels of yentas, babbling on about absolutely nothing and getting paid a LOT of money. And game shows from the 70s, where all the contestants are obviously currently dead.

One particularly funny show takes place at JFK Airport, where tons of foreigners enter the country. Main characters include some guy who looks and sounds like Joe Pesci, making it very difficult to take him seriously. When he questions people, they always tell him he was great in the Lethal Weapon movies. Then there's Rosie Perez. I'm kidding - she's an absolutely stereotypical New York Puerto Rican lady who sounds like Rosie Perez. When she speaks, the foreigners keep asking her to repeat the automatic weapon-like phrases she comes out with. There's a very serious supervisor who looks like Mr T, minus ten pounds of jewelry and a colorful mohawk. If/when this gentleman laughs, you're not likely to recognize it.

When a plane arrives from a country with medium black folks, they get all serious and inconspicuously line up, like a human fence, to informally question everybody getting off the plane. As if they'd miss anything, there's a cute dog, sniffing everyone and their bags for drugs. The agents speak (New York) English, and trot out a few words in a foreign language, comprised of line up, and thank you for lining up. You haven't experienced travel until you've heard New York guards speak a foreign language with a New York accent. Gracias and sil vous plate are test phrases. If the passenger breaks out into spasms of laughter, they're strip searched, in front of the rest of the passengers, as a warning.

One qualifying question they ask is how much money you're coming in with. The rule is that no matter how much you bring, you must declare it. Why? Passengers are not sure, but they're told they can bring in as much as they like, but they must declare it. It's true, they can bring in however much they like, but if they bring in more than $10,000, they'll be detained and anal probed like the aliens do, because they're obviously carrying drugs or laundering money. Why anyone wants to put money in the washer is not self-evident. This is absolutely in step with the "Know Your Neighbor" Act, mandating that any deposit you make to your bank over $5,000 must be reported. I don't know how much my neighbor deposits and don't care.

If you're suspected of carrying drugs, via your bags being x-rayed or having a South Philly accent, you get patted down. This is not as fun as it sounds, as the person doing the patting is the same gender as you. If they find nothing, as they always do, it's time for an x-ray. If this provides no evidence, they're obviously going to go to the hospital with the police until they pass the drugs they swallowed. Why don't they just send everyone to the hospital? Because they don't want to be invasive. If they get no information, they bring in the rest of the tough sounding New York Airport Police (who recently graduated from Movie Theater Police). They stand around shaking their heads, while one questions the passenger, saying things like, "Look.. I know you're carrying and you know you're carrying. Now is the time for honesty. If you're honest, we can help you." After a few hours of this, some innocent people tell them they have drugs, just to get out of the room with these official protectors. Occasionally there are drug smugglers. These are the people with a huge package between their legs (please don't), who refuse to let the police take a look. They also don't know where they're going when they leave the airport, and are carrying $25 for a 3 week stay. They're staying with their brother, but don't know his phone number. The only thing I don't understand about this show is why everyone from every country is wearing a shirt with an American brand emblazoned on it. The other thing I don't understand is why the couriers cause suspicion when they're walking around with powder on their nostrils.

PRO TIP: keep your FUCK THE POLICE shirt in your bag, not on your chest.

If your bags turn up any 'abnormalities' through the x-ray, they're gently probed, which means some guy with a pneumatic road hammer gently opens it and rips off fabric, looking for powder or oregano, which they call cannabis (because nobody can pronounce pot).

For my money, the most entertaining are the folks on the US/Canada border. Everybody knows Canadians are nice, and this includes the serious guys with the guns. Canada is really serious about border safety, but mostly that if you enter the country, you don't intend to stay there, you don't intend to work, and you don't intend to be sick and become a load on their healthcare system. If only America...

There is a long list of things you can't bring into Canada. Unfortunately, there is nowhere to see this list, and it tends to surprise and shock the people coming into the country. You can't bring guns in, even if you're moving to Alaska and the only route is through Canada. You can't bring brass knuckles (but you can bring rubber knuckles - seriously). If you do, the handcuffs go on and you're escorted to a private cell. If they search your car and find bullets, you're strip searched for automatic weapons. Because you're obviously carrying an AK47 up your butt.

They examine a lot of cars, from top to bottom, but they're very nice about it. They smile while they gently probe the car (plunge a screwdriver through your upholstery) and remove all your seats because the drug dog saw your car pull into a parking spot. The signage on US highways must be very interesting, as people frequently wind up hitting the Canadian border instead of the Taco Bell border. Unfortunately this happens a lot. Unfortunately they become subject to a complete search, which always turns up the pot they 'forgot about' in the console, eh? It's just as bad if you're Canadian, coming back from vacation. They question you as if you had an I DIG DRUGS t-shirt on. In fact, they won't let their own citizens cross from Canada to the US if they violate any of the unknowable rules. The US, on the other hand, welcomes any malcontents, lowlifes, drunks, and terrorists, with open arms. Remember the guy with the chainsaws? He got past Canada's Best and was caught driving around with a pair of chainsaws, one bloody. To their credit, chainsaws are not illegal in Canada or the US (even with blood stains and the driver wearing a hockey mask).

Like most borders, your past is very important. If you went to jail for drunk and disorderly 30 years ago, you might not be of sufficient character to enter Canada. Because Moose Head has less alcohol in it, I guess.

You might be surprised that I really don't watch much tv.

Cumulus Rocks

You'll notice that I've been publishing more frequently lately. This is indicative of the fact that I've been publishing more frequently lately, plus my renewed commitment to sarcasm and my esteemed readers.


Today's Great Piece of Knowledge comes via the morning 'news', which had a special feature on Thanksgiving. On making the perfect turkey? No. What to bring for the holiday? No. New desserts? No. They want to let us know that if you don't have enough plates, it's ok. Don't you feel better now? You can make little animals out of napkins, because you have heavy cloth napkins all over the place anyway. Now, about that turkey...

• If you belong to the adult web service Friend Finder (the world's largest sex & swinger community), 412 million accounts have been compromised. No serious information yet from Friend Finder. Of course no ThermionicEmission readers have accounts there. We're not the swinger type. Ok, maybe some of us. You, from Russia-I don't judge.

Whether for work or personal use, don't use Free Wifi. Keep all connections HTTPS and ideally use a VPN. I can walk into any airport or Starbucks and set up a wireless network called Free Airport Wifi (Free Starbucks Wifi). Your phone or tablet will connect to it and I can capture or 'sniff' all your data before it goes out to the internet.

• Monthly reminder to back up your data. This protects you from ransomeware and most other Data Tragedies. Store the backup offsite, if possible. It will never hurt you to have a backup or even two.

Stop blocking roads, you idiots with Hurt Feelings. You caused a forty five minute detour that killed a man. Protest all you want but don't block roads.

Speaking of feelings, Barnard College is hosting a Trump Coping Event, complete with feminist coloring pages, hot chocolate, and snacks, so the snowflakes can cope with their feelings over Hillary's loss. You can't make this shit up.

• Here's a concept: Virtual Reality can help shut-ins. Hopefully this ends the Serious Stuff.

I need to reiterate the Taylor Swift Conundrum. The woman is arguably pretty, although she does absolutely nothing for me. One time I heard a small snatch of her music and was immediately hit by the feeling that her audience is 8-15 year olds, mostly female. Until this morning, I continued to remain unmolested by her music. The morning alleged news program ran a snippet of a video, discussing what it's about. It's about music promotion, you local Einsteins. And again, I was struck by the nursery school-like beat and melody.

The same alleged news program spent a few minutes on how to pronounce Dwayne (The Rock) Johnson's name: Dew-Wayne or Dwayne. Ummm... let's be thankful they're not discussing the election (or a Kardashian), I guess. Or world peace.

• Memory from the past: my musical comedy group had a song that involved basketball, so we mimed throwing a basketball (really?). We already know I'm not a sports guy, and my compatriots kept laughing at my feeble attempts to mime throwing a ball. Only I didn't know my attempts were feeble. They spent the better portion of an hour 'teaching' me how to mime throwing a basketball. Frustrated at their complete lack of patience, I was allowed to go onstage, not being able to complete this 'simple' task. It is said that guitar players are dumb. No alleged slur comes out of the blue. To this day, I have no idea what I did wrong and still don't care.
• Sort of along those lines, a dear friend's father passed away. My friend's comment was that at least he got to see the Cubs win. Apparently this is a thing.

You know that feeling of sheer joy and relief after the plane you're on experiences an engine fire and everyone gets off safely? Apparently it doesn't last long... 18 passengers have filed a lawsuit against Boeing and American Airlines for the engine fire on the tarmac, when part of the engine failed. Also part of the suit: the American Airlines Lounge ran out of vodka before the flight, creating a hostile flying experience.

• The Brooklyn Bridge has a long-standing tradition of people showing their love for each other by attaching a lock to it. According to the city's transportation commissioner, this is a Bad Idea. The bridge structure could be compromised.  As of yet, there's no word on the tradition of showing love by parking cement trucks on the bridge.

A US road safety body has demanded that electric cars traveling at a low speed make noise to warn pedestrians. Noises include bicycle horn, muscle car, and totally broken exhaust system.

• How about that Bono? He has urged Donald Trump to prioritize gender equality. After he won a Woman of the Year award. Let me make sure I have the pronouns straight here. Bono won a Woman of the Year award and called on Trump to prioritize gender equality. Is anything about this odd, suspicious, or believable? Could any of us come up with a more ridiculous news item? Will the president-elect act on the polite and 'correct' request? Finally, there is a women's magazine handing out women's trophies to men. We are living in Upside-Down World.

Apparently they never got the memo about improving race relations: a post on Faceyspaces (so I'm told, of course) referred to Michelle Obama as an 'ape in heels'. Let me attempt to make it so clear that even Faceyspaces readers can understand: OK to Criticize - ideas. Not OK to Criticize - appearance, kids, race, spouse. Yes, it falls under freedom of speech. Yes, they sound like racist idiots.

• Apple's Big New Product might be smart glasses that would connect to an iDevice to provide information on the glasses. In other words, Apple's is bringing out Google Glasses in 2018 or so.

Got way too much money on your hands and need to spend some for a good cause (you)? There is now a smart oven (uh-oh) that can recognize 'some' foods and 'kinda' cook for you. It is reviewed here. Only $1495, it can recognize and cook 25 items and has automatic settings for another 47. PLUS a Bluetooth app to look inside the device and to let you know when your food is done. BUT WAIT - if you buy now, you get a free puppy, plus the ghost of Billy Mays will visit and sprinkle white Magic Dust on you while you sleep.

• Moral Relativity? There is a new ransomware that harvests social data and scans for child porn. If found, the malware lists the offending file(s) and scans their social media, threatening to post a message.

Technology has come a long way. From using your 300 baud modem to connect to Compuserve to 2016, when Domino's Completes First Delivery of Terrible Pizza by Drone. This means we'll see delivery of Other Stuff by drone soon, regardless of how easy it might be to hijack the drone. Feel all techy and futuristic now?

• Netflix will be releasing "Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life" on November 25th. Nobody knows why.

Observing the great divide that has appeared after Trumpie won, not to mention the violent anti-Trumpie riots, financially backed by George Soros, It occurs to me that we really need to learn to coexist. Relationships have broken up, fights have started, buildings have been vandalized, and most recently, a man has been shot. I respect Trumpie opponents' right to peacefully protest, but this is getting out of hand.

There was a period of a few days when Mrs leftystrat was considering voting for the republican candidate. In what I consider a sterling example, there were no negative words or emotions present. We didn't loudly disagree or fight over this topic. We fought like mad over most other topics, but not the election. This example should serve as an example to the people destroying property and lives.

• Mexico's foreign minister announced a plan to help Mexicans get accurate information and avoid deportations in a Trump administration.
• WHAT?
• Not only are they allowing their citizens to jump ship, as it were, but they're aiding and abetting by providing help for the illegals.
• Can you see America encouraging emigration to other countries and providing assistance allowing them to remain there?
• This is a weird place. Not the blog - the country.

In a Beatle-esque display of bravado and up-yours-ness, Bob Dylan has announced he will not be at the Nobel Literature Prize ceremony, due to "pre- existing commitments". He's picking out wallpaper for that area over the steps leading down to the basement.

• With Black Friday coming earlier and earlier this year (November 2nd), you might want to know how not to overpay for your purchase. My article in Modern Black Friday suggests the only way to truly make sure you're not overpaying is to not shop on Black Friday. Yes, the alleged Black Friday Economy will collapse, but who gives a shit when you're trying to get that 67" (tangentially-measured) tv for two dollars off?

Let's say you're sitting there, minding your own business, and you suddenly decide that you'd like a quick Tinder hookup with a transgender person. On Tinder, one can now identify as transgender. I don't use Tinder (no, really) but I'd recommend not identifying as transgender unless you're transgender. That kinda surprise can get you assaulted. Good to know.