Read All About It - Special MAGA Tries to Outclass Congress issue!

Representative democracy took a giant leap forward, and backward, when Trump supporters invaded DC. 

The man who attacked Nancy Pelosi's desk apologized profusely when arrested. He took full blame for misunderstanding Trump's plea for support. "Yes, he said to come to DC and support democracy. For some reason I thought he said to breach Congress and whiz on the Speaker's desk. I am frightfully sorry and will apologize to Speaker Pelosi personally after they use the defibrillator to bring her to life."

Capitol Police, when asked about the ridiculously lax security, said they didn't expect anything to happen. "Besides... we thought everyone was home, fretting over Kim/Kanye...."  When asked why Security was hiding in a closet, they said "They have guns! And besides - we've never had more than 2 people ask to be let in."

During the shameful, destructive display on the floor of Congress, the miscreants got more done than Congress in the last 8 years. Several states are insisting on no prosecution because they haven't seen this level of progress since the Old Days.

BLM and Antifa are wildly jealous, asking why they didn't think of this.

One protester, somewhat disoriented, stole Pence's bible. Another went to do some manual adjustments on McConnell's face, but didn't have the heart, after what someone did to Mitch a few weeks back. Another insisted on riding his tricycle up and down the halls, stopping only to have his diaper changed. A small group stalled when they couldn't spell MAGA.

While performing Congressional Mayhem, some of Congress stopped a few of them to discuss getting a few of their bills through committee. If there's anything the MAGAs know, it's the law. This did not play well with the democrats, who kept shouting they should have their guns confiscated (from behind bulletproof glass, with their armed guards). The MAGoids had to be reminded that just because you hang a few democrats on the wall by their clothes doesn't make it art. Also not art is making fart sounds with your underarms, penis puppets, handing copies of the Constitution to Congress, or asking for naked selfies with the First Lady. Plans for a food fight fell through when the republicans were holding their own and already had the room booked.

For his safety, VP Pence was spirited away to a local vegan restaurant, where no one would ever find him. Congress suggested that the president shelter in Afghanistan.

The mayor ordered the entire invading army arrested for not wearing masks or socially distancing. As they were being hauled off, they became confused, because peaceful protesting was ok when BLM/Antifa did it.

The president posted a video, asking for peace and telling people to go home, but Faceyspaces and Twitter removed it.

Also enraged were the Iranis, who threatened to fly a plane into DC. Their entire threat was overshadowed and they're very mad at Trump's supporters.

Captivity - DAY 90 Be leary of aardvarks

It's accepted that weatherpersons are wrong most of the time.
They said it would be cloudy and rainy. It's 88% humid and bright. I can live with that.


Phrases you don't hear often:
You're such a tease, Mom...


Did you ever hear a song and not recognize it.... then you find out it's one of your favorite groups?


Creators say diversity in games essential


Raheem Sterling says it was a "massive step" that Premier League players took a knee in support of the Black Lives Matter movement. After the knee, they burned down their stadium.

Black lives DO matter. It's just hollow, now that companies are going out of their way to mention it. Guitar Center, tv networks, commercials, etc.

Yesterday was Another One of Those Days. I was pretty mad and verbal. Today I'm ANGRY. After about 3 hours of my classic entertainment, any sentient being, along with anything metal, left the house in panic mode. It's just not pretty. The neighbors bring out their chairs and popcorn to watch (safe distancing is 2 houses down). First was Object Aviation, otherwise known as 'throwing shit'. Many things became airborne, from soda cans to large tables, to the Camaro that was parked in the living room. They laughed when I said I could launch a car. They're not laughing now.

The wife and dog came back home very quietly, hoping I'd gone back to launching lighter items. Airport tower radar only registered the Camaro, but they just shook their heads, laughed, and said, "lefty's at it again." Their favorite story was when they tracked a tractor, which went up, past radar range, and demolished an NSA spy satellite. Anger can lead to positive outcomes - don't let anybody tell you otherwise.

There is a right wing group called Boogaaloo Boys. They're showing up at protests, on the opposite side of BLM. Apparently they have everything up to white supremacists. What really bothers me is that their uniform is Hawaiian shirts. These mf-ers stole my appreciation of Hawaiian shirts. I've been wearing them since before anyone knew about the web (they go great with diapers). How DARE these people make my obnoxious clothing a negative symbol. I'd let them know how I feel, but they carry automatic weapons.

Speaking of clothing, Black hole plasma jets are shaped like bell-bottoms.

Black laptops are shaped like shorts.

Black roads are shaped like cargo pants.

Black cars are shaped like slutty lingerie.

I was minding my own business, working, when the landline and cell phone went off at the same time. The moment they stopped, the landline rang again. Then the cell again.

Then there's Telephonic Round Robin: call cell - no answer. then call landline - no answer. If we're really lucky, they'll call a 2nd cell. Hey, I have an idea... if I don't answer, I'm obviously ignoring you. Calling a different line is not going to help you and it's only going to piss me off. Do you really want that on your back?
Balancing LEAVE ME ALONE with "You never answer and we're not calling you ever" is a difficult task. umm..... you could always leave a fkng message.

James Fairbanks lived near a pedophile.
James Fairbanks shot and killed the pedophile.
James Fairbanks is in jail for 1st degree murder.
James Fairbanks has a GoFund Me or similar, and he's getting tons of support from all over the country, monetary and otherwise.

Sorry, James.. we are a nation of laws, and you broke one. The big one.
The only way you could kill the bastard is if he was coming at you with a gun or anything that made you feel afraid for your life.

Yeah, the guy deserved it, but you have to do things by the law.
We also need to come up with a viable solution for pedos. Life in jail? Mrs lefty says throw him in with the general population and the problem take care of itself. Then there's chemical castration. Unfortunately it's worthless: pedos don't perform because of a sex drive. They perform because they're not right upstairs. If they castrated him, he'd still be active, just not with his jolly roger.

Then there's the not-discussed effects on the victim.
It's beyond horrible. If the child doesn't get the required help, things will not go well. They will grow up with all sorts of issues and might wind up in jail. Could be bad behavior, alcohol, drugs, recreating the crime, or becoming an abuser. The psychological effects are awful. They could also become dissociative, which looks kinda 'checking out' at the better end of the spectrum. If the abuse is repeated and traumatic, they could wind up with multiple personalities, which is the far end of the dissociative spectrum. I know this because I'm married to someone on the far end of the spectrum.

Your Mother Sucks YooHoo with a Straw

Bought an HP printer lately? They would like you to approve sending data to them about your device and what you print. And join their Ink Club. Haven't seen this on linux after I bought my new printer. Windows beware.



Our best wishes for the people of Dallas, who just got hit with a tornado.
Remember: for every massive, dangerous event, there will be hundreds who walk into it to take video.



Dear lefty

• Why do people behave so poorly while driving or online?
• Because if you put a windshield or keyboard in front of people, you get Instant Asshole<tm>.

No thank you, I'd rather  wear a MAGA hat to an antifa riot

• In China, knives are registered to a person's ID and must be kept tied down.
• The UK is jealous.
• There are surveillance cameras everywhere.
• The US is jealous.
• Children are looked out for when parents are sent to re-education camps.
• Bill De Blasio is jealous.

• I'm sure it's physics, but I'm not too good with physics. When I pick up one of those tumblers that keep coffee warm and push the button, it goes POP, and sprays coffee in my face. Now I know how Mrs lefty feels.

Today I identify as my wife's bra - I hold them up all day

• True to its idiotic functions, the Senate passed a ransomware law. It will 'protect' Chuck Schumer's district schools from ransomware.
• Schumer is also working on a law to protect schools from bad weather and cancer.

Come for the disaster, stay for the finger-pointing

Councilman "mind-boggled" by Baltimore City IT department ineptitude.

This is irony in its highest form: a councilman being mind-boggled, and referring to a department as inept.

Not that he doesn't have something of a point.... IT audit information was kept on individual computers, not on servers, and not backed up. That's certainly inept. I think the entire process should be audited, from acquisition to education, to actual use. I have a hunch there will be 'irregularities' found at each step.

Meanwhile, the taxpayers are on the hook for $18 million (so far). Because you KNOW no one else is going to pay... the taxpayers will soon be mind-boggled too.




Heroes of the Stupid

A five year autistic old boy has been put on record as a sex offender after hugging a classmate.

Tesla's autopilot has been found partially responsible for a crash on an L.A. freeway. Out of a long ride, the 'driver' had his hands on the wheel for 51 seconds, none of which were close to the crash, when he was looking down at something. The manual repeatedly states not to do this. He had a copy of the manual, but never read it.  Once again, the technology is not ready for prime time.



SJW Ravings

Mattel's newest dolls can be boys, girls, neither, or both.

• Quantum doll: identifies as both, but only when you observe it
• Republican doll: refers to abortion as murder, blames democrat doll, raises taxes and debt
• Democrat doll: criminalizes speech, blames republican doll, raises taxes and debt
• Libertarian doll: leaves the other dolls alone, why are you asking?
• Car Mechanic doll: looks roughly the same, regardless of gender
• Common features: believe they can be anything! (by claiming they are)
• Hollywood doll: identifies as neither gender, identifies as important, blames republican doll

Seattle Public Schools have a K-12 Math Ethnic Studies Framework.
You read that right.
Allow me to give you highlights:

Power and oppression, as defined by ethnic studies, are the ways in which individuals and groups define mathematical knowledge so as to see “Western” mathematics as the only legitimate expression of mathematical identity and intelligence. This definition of legitimacy is then used to disenfranchise people and communities of color. This erases the historical contributions of people and communities of color.

Students will be confident in their ability to construct & decode mathematical knowledge, truth, and beauty so they can contribute to their experiences and the experiences of people in their community 

Mathematical theory and application is rooted in the ancient histories of people and empires of color

​Where does power and oppression show up in our math experiences?

How has math been used to resist and liberate people and communities of color from oppression?

Gravity is culturally oppressive, By accepting the white definition of gravity as 'a law,' it oppresses people of color and people who see gravity as more of a suggestion.   [I made this up]

This can't be real. If it is, I'm even more glad I don't have kids.


New York City attacks the First Amendment with a $250,000 fine for saying "Illegal Alien." This is patently unconstitutional and will fall with the first lawsuit.




This is a 1979 left handed Fender antigua Stratocaster.
Underneath is my well-played 1977, which is my favorite.
I want this guitar very badly.
The guitar store wants $4,000 plus shipping (from Japan). The guitar is worth maybe half that. This is the major problem with being left handed.
I am sad.

1979 lefty Fender antigua Stratocaster

my 1977 lefty Fender antigua Stratocaster

When Temptation Knocks, Be Sure to Let It In

An Indian journalist has been burned alive after publishing allegations of corruption on Facebook.

Another senseless, Facebook-related death.

• Why do we have laws? Because Obama supporters sign petition to nuke Russia. Although this was a prank, it was signed by many.  This must be why my local news has a social media reporter to share the wisdom of the Great Unwashed. Sorry, guys, I don't need to hear what the people on Faceyspaces have to say- it's not news.

Range Rover automatically detects, reports potholes to government.

In totally unrelated news, government blacklists rangerover.com domain.

• Everybody's favorite stoner, Tommy Chong, has been diagnosed with rectal cancer. Unbothered, Tommy is looking forward to self-medication, with great interest. Let's send Mr. Chong good thoughts.

A study in the Journal of Abnormal Psychology, found in 1996, stated: "Homophobia is apparently associated with homosexual arousal that the homophobic individual is either unaware of or denies."  In short, the experiment 'hooked up' a bunch of men to a measuring device then showed them gay porn. The people most aroused were the ones who were the most homophobic.  Remember this when a politician or religious figure protests too much.

• After much research, I have come to the conclusion that I am deeply offended by houndstooth. I had inadvertently transposed herringbone with houndstooth and wish to apologize to herringbone for the misunderstanding. I have nothing at all against herringbone; I am offended only by houndstooth.

Most kangaroos are left-handed. I was kinda hoping for a more high-profile example but as the ten-percent minority, we have to take what we can get. No word yet on dogs.

• For some reason, it has been decided, wherever it is decided, that Alexander Hamilton no longer has the cache for the ten dollar bill. He will be replaced by an unspecified woman. Even though I oppose this strange idea, let me be a good sport and make a suggestion: Sophia Vergara.

Jeb Bush announced White House bid, saying 'America deserves better.'  And in that spirit, he called off his White House bid.

• France has denounced revelations of NSA spying. As a precaution, France has taken the liberty of surrendering.

Da Tunes

Today's bit of musical fun comes courtesy of Robben Ford. Robben has played with everyone from Miles Davis to Michael McDonald to his own solo career. He's a guitarist's guitarist, while at the same time producing music most people can really like.  Check out Robben and phenom Joe Bonamassa jamming at a tribute to Leo Fender.  Also check out a concert with his band, The Blue Line. Great stuff!