Take This Debt and Shove It

Your love is like   - green fish tacos

Hawaii tourists follow GPS into water - many times.

It happened to me in New Jersey, but that might have been personal.

Today I identify as   everyone upset at Target -both sides.

So Target is in trouble. Wanting 'inclusion,' Target started carrying LGBTQ+ clothing. Naturally the South got upset, threatening violence and turning over displays, as well as arguing with the hourly employees. Target, 'concerned about the safety of their employees,' will be pulling some of the merchandise. This naturally upset LGBTQ+. It also proved that threats of violence work. I don't like that Target carries ugly clothes, so I don't buy them. Nor do I threaten employees or turn over displays. I don't care what they carry - it does nothing to upset my day (or my life). If it bothered me, I wouldn't shop there, voting with my dollars. Somehow it would never occur to me to threaten and destroy. I guess I need to be an alleged religious redneck to understand. Imagine that - the south being a problem. Bible Belt strikes again, in the midst of all manner of legal moves against freedom. This is a rerun of how many years ago?

Because of anti-LGBT legislation, people are terrified to come out. Shockingly, the highest percentage come from Utah, also the largest user of Pornhub. See? Keep trying to actively put down and pretend there's no problem and it explodes. This is also what happens when people voluntarily take a vow of celibacy - it's not in the human makeup to be celibate. So they act out with little boys and others. It's basic human nature, honed through millions of years of evolution. Or aliens.

In theory, America does not exist to legislate the beliefs of any one group. We have a Constitution that forbids it, yet these Rabid Religionoids keep at it. Funny, it only started after they got a majority in Congress. I hoped it would be fun to watch them give it back to the dems, but they took the ball and shoved it right up their own asses: may both of them rot in hell for what they've done to this country. And guess who put them there, by arguing one party is clearly superior to the other? The next time you're ready to say one party is better, take a look at your pay stub and tell me how much they've helped your financial situation by taking more and more of your hard-earned money for their ridiculous schemes and a ridiculous record debt. Hold them accountable. Let them know how you feel. Wanna improve the economy? Take less taxes and 'allow' people to keep more of their own money. Instead, we just get debt. If you think there will be meaningful tax reform, I want some of what you're smoking.

Debt Theater is always a shit show, and always follows the same script. Our memory is criminally short, and benefits only the criminals.

Why is There Hair?

So I'm sitting there, pulling out my ear hair, one at a time. 

Normally I just chuck them. When I'm feeling a hair OCD (get it - hair?), I let them fall onto a blank piece of paper. This makes them show up significantly. Since everything in the house is black or close, any examination would be impossible. When my OCD medication runs out, I line them up by size on the paper. I like to measure them all too, notating it under each hair, which requires more than one piece of paper. But I have larger questions:

1. How did we evolve ear hair? Why?
2. If the hair on your head falls off, why doesn't ear hair?
3. Is nose hair the same thing, in terms of evolution?
4. What kind of genetic freaks have we become?

Since very little of what we grow in and on us is just for fun, what do you suppose ear hair does in the first place? Did cavemen have a full ear of hair to protect them from the winter cold and summer sun exposure? 

• How stupid did they look if they were victims of Male Pattern Baldness? 
• Once we started to build huts, row homes, and McMansions, did we lose the need for ear hair, as well as head hair? If so, that would explain why there are only (hopefully) a few hairs still growing, as opposed to having to comb them.
• If we bring in nose hair for a bit, is it better to braid, trim, or YANK?

While the most satisfying is obviously YANK, there are other ways to go. If you're particularly concerned about your appearance, combing and braiding are recommended. Trimming is an option, but it needs constant maintenance. Mowing should probably not be considered, unless you're one of those adrenaline junkies, who jump out of planes and offend the mafia for the rush. The last option, which is highly distasteful, is ignoring the errant growths. I had to mention it so all options are presented. From a health standpoint, I understand YANKing isn't all that healthy. It can cause inflammation, infection, and huge boils which will make people mistake you for a witch. If you have an already large schnozz, this is a bad option. HOWEVER, there is simply nothing as satisfying as YANKing; inflammation and infection go away eventually, hopefully, unless you caused a serious infection, in which case it will have to be removed (your nose). After removal, you will long for your previous huge hooter (as Pete Townshend said). Pete is a verifiable humongous proboscis expert. The only one to benefit from this at all is a plastic surgeon, unless the emergency room personnel can re-attach the nose. While they might be able to clean up the mortally injured schnozz, you will still need to breathe through your ears. In this case, the ear hair will help filter out bad particles (and produce snot). Hmmm... I think we have our answer.

Tune in next week for  SNOT: Is it ok to eat? What about somebody else's?

Question: what word describes Congress and the best things in life?

Answer: I'll take boobs for $500, Alex.

Governor Extraordinaire and part time mailbox Gavin Newsom (D -Planet of California), pledged to nominate a black woman to replace Dianne Feinstein, should she ever do the right thing and leave. This would be called RACIST if it were in any other direction, and it's correct in either case. It's criminal. Oprah's name has been floated, because she's every bit as qualified as other governors, Congresspersons, and presidents. But she's black, she's female, and she's famous; you can't beat that. There's been Clint Eastwood, Ronald Reagan, Donald Trump, Sonny Bono, and others. Judge for yourself their performance in office.

The fact Gavin Newsom gets elected then re-elected says volumes about the people of the Planet of California. Don't forget, this is the place with the committee on reparations, that recommended $5 million to each victim. Then they cut it down to only $1.2 million.  How much will it cost?  How, exactly, will they pay for it? And does anybody deserve it, especially with your money?  Slavery was unconscionable, but I didn't enslave anyone, nor did I 'own' people. I have ancestors that suffered too, but no one ever speaks for them. Would I demand reparations? Nope - I did what I did by myself, instead of guilting others. It's possible for other groups - this is America: you own you and you make you. There has never been a better time to make it yourself. Come up with a unique idea and pursue it. We're a service-based economy - provide a service others don't and people will flock to your door. 

Don't forget, any suit against the government is also a suit against its citizens and taxpayers, deserved or not. As usual, we will pay the bill.

Don't forget: June is Pride Month.

This is one of the months your insane workplace sends around emails, asking you to celebrate.

It's not that I have any problems with the LGBTQ+-^$# community: I hate everyone equally. Any month at all that does not have left handed in it fails the Attention Test. I didn't hang out at work with the Pacific Islanders last month and it's not like I'm going to hang around with LGBTQ+_~~~)% at work this month. Never mind that we work from home and couldn't hang out with anybody at all, other than the dog (she's red and also doesn't have a month). I see no Multiple Personality Month either. It's wholesale discrimination, I say.

Who gives a dead squirrel? Shouldn't we keep this stuff at home? Yeah, it's funny to see the heads of gay-haters explode, but still... I think its also Vacation Month for the KKK. They leave the country so they don't have to take their blood pressure pills. At least they have the courtesy to wear those silly hats, so when their heads explode, there's nothing to clean up. It also makes it easier to spot whose head blew up by the red stains on the white hat. Do you suppose they starch those things? Nah, starch catches fire too easily, which would be rather unfortunate during the cross-burnings. Or fortunate, depending on your point of view.

Still no left handed history month.

After all that, I need to confess: it's time to come out. All my life I've kept it hidden, but I need to be true to myself. I'm forming the LGBTQW+ group. It's the same as the other group, with the addition of W.  --> W stands for Weird.  With all the partying my gay friends do, perhaps I should identify as a Pacific Islander instead.

Ok, I can't let the perversion of the English language go unchallenged when I see it.

Until fairly recently, the word 'hate' meant extreme dislike.

Now it means you don't agree with the speaker and they want to shame you for your feelings.

I don't "hate" right handed people. I extremely dislike them.

But if a right handed person heard me saying this, she'd say, "Don't hate on the right handers."

They say I'm "...phobic." Phobia is a fear of. I don't believe everybody who doesn't like right handed people is afraid of them - they simply don't like them. There IS a difference, but the language is being tied in knots to accommodate whatever group is using it. 

I don't like right handed people.

What's that about? Why the HATE? You're dexterophobic!

I didn't say I was FRIGHTENED of right handed people, I said I don't LIKE them. English wasn't your best subject in school, was it?

Will Biden Ever Run Out of Things to Tax?

 

Your love is like  Plan B souffle

At this point, the answer is NO.

Today I identify as  a failed abortion

• I can only do one thing at a time and I can't really do that well

Looks like Pride Month is coming up.

I'm gonna be proud of being a straight guy who plays guitar left handed and is the CEO of Sarcasm.

Something tells me I'm going to get a lot of crap. As usual.

People are getting explosive gastroenteritis at the Grand Canyon

Man, I hate when that happens. If nothing else, the environmentalists better get on this, because climate change flatulence damage is significant.

Emergency calls have been put into Fauci, because if the virus can be declared a pandemic, the federal government will send $$$.

Beg-a-Thon

It ain't your fault, but yesterday three people stopped by this blog. All day.

Tell your friends. If you don't like us, tell your enemies. Let them know the blog can be automatically emailed to them. Tell your service elephants and peacocks. Tell your air conditioners, because it's spring and fun to watch people talking to inanimate objects.

I turned off advertising, so I make nothing. I'd just like to soothe my fragile ego by having a few more people coming by.  Thanks! 

Tech Companies Won't Say If They’ll Give Cops Abortion Data

Understand this: data will become available on people at protests [turn your goddamn phone OFF].

Tech companies ready public stances on Roe v. Wade

• the Ugly has just started...
• Faceyspaces will offer abortion in their cafeteria
• Amazon will do abortion, but only on the shipping line, to minimize down time

Facebook Is Banning People Who Say They Will Mail Abortion Pills

Keep dem people in line

 

Congress Wants to Spend $45 Million on Nukes the Navy Said it Doesn’t Need

So long as it comes out of their pockets, I don't see any problem.

Three changes to legislation demanded by ThermionicEmissions

1. all legislation be vetted for Constitutionality - this will cut down a lot of unnecessary legislation and fighting later on
2. all legislation be on One Topic only. No inserts, no exceptions, no pork.
3. Some sort of responsibility for all legislation. If your bill fails and cost the taxpayers $25 billion, you (Congressperson) must be responsible for it in some way, to be determined later. Watch the cockroaches scatter! 

Ukraine war: US to ramp up military presence across Europe

Gotta get in there somehow..... don't short Boeing

 NASA wants nuclear reactor on the Moon by 2030

• NASA wives want shoe store on Moon by 2030
• Astronauts want Victoria's Secret on Moon by 2030
• Bernie Sanders wants free education on Moon this week
• Biden wants 'a nice place to nap' on Moon by 2030
• Biden wants tax revenue from everything on Moon by 2029

Amtrak derailment: Three killed in Missouri after train hits truck

Some historian, long in the tooth and dressed very strangely, will finally put together the figures on trucks hit by trains and discover the phenomenon he'll call Truckus Blockus. This is the condition that results from complete stupidity, wherein a driver decides to just park his truck on the tracks - what's the worst thing that can happen? Related is Vehicle Idiotus, in which a clearly deranged driver thinks he can speed by the blinking lights and beat the train. This is usually his last thought.

Texas Supreme Court Rules This Train Is a Train

The Texas Supreme Court is on a roll lately, having ruled that this gun is a gun, this washing machine is a washing machine, and George Bush is.. well.. they don't know what George Bush is.

As if Alexa isn't creepy enough, they just announced that they will be able to read stories as your dead grandma. Will this finally be the thing that makes me buy an Alexa? Does the pope shit in the woods?  

I want to hear all of my dead relatives sing "It's a Small World."

Fauci reports COVID rebound, says his is “much worse” than initial illness

God snickers....

Your Tax Dollars at Work

Biden administration launches $1 billion effort to correct racist highway designs of the past

#ImpeachBiden - I don't have to make a single headline up (unfortunately)

 

The mowing situation has gotten even worse, if you can believe it. The constant rain causes the weeds to grow, requiring mowing every 2 weeks. It's gotten so bad that we're now at ONE week. Pretty soon someone will sneeze and we'll have to be out there again, with our environmentally-supportive electric mower.

I tried asking Iqbal, my emotional support elephant, to mow for me. He looked at me in the way he does, with slanted eyes, and said, "Not my yob, mang."

The Anvil of Amazon Amuses and Amazes All who Approach

 Amazon continues to keep themselves in the news. The workers describe excessive heat, fainting in NYC warehouse.

These guys are like the government: they keep abusing the workers and nothing ever happens.

Also reported: the plague, herpes, and giving birth 

Your love is like  a rabies shot

FBI Confiscates Alleged Rioter's ‘Fully Constructed U.S. Capitol Lego Set’

Also an erector set, lincoln logs, and a couple of Rubik's cubes in the shape of an ihop 

EU increases pressure on Hungary over LGBT law

Regardless of how you feel about the law, note that the larger group (EU) is putting pressure. This is precisely the reason to not consider membership in any group including other countries. No group should have sovereignty over a country (like the UN). All of this has nothing to do with whether you agree or not with the legislation.

Today I identify as  out of date condoms

How's that car - is it repaired yet? 

Yer kidding me, right?

They still haven't gotten it towed from the tow truck place to the collision place. It's about 3 weeks since the accident. Two people from insurer have told me it's being towed in the past week. 

Ooooh, now it can't be towed without me releasing it.

Keystone Kop Towing, Inc.

How's the rental? 

Funny you should ask. They called this morning to let me know we are about to run out of rental days from our insurer.

It's a Mercedes SUV. WTF am I doing in a Mercedes? Everybody who sees me getting out of it wonders who that dirtbag is, getting out of the Mercedes. He certainly doesn't look like he can afford a used Hyundai, no less a Mercedes. Believe me, it's only because the rental car company took pity on us because they didn't have rental cars twice when we went there. I got stopped twice because the police thought I stole it.  PROFILING! 

How's the insurance? 

The third person I talked to this week, who told me the car is being towed to the collision center,  is allegedly getting the car towed to the collision center. After I release it. And they are nice enough to extend the rental days, for obvious reasons.

How's the car? 

Is it the Catholics who have a Purgatory? I think it's in Purgatory.

No, wait, Purgatory is after you die. Limbo?

It's in a Quantum state, in which it's at the tow center and the collision center (until it's observed).

This would be funny if I didn't have to pay a daily rate on the rental, regardless of the fact I have rental days through insurance. It's like health insurance, or any other insurance.

What now? 

The car will continue in a quantum state until it eventually gets towed. At that point, it will exist in only one place, which is obviously completely the wrong place. Ancient Astronaut Theorists believe that within a day of the quantum reveal, it will exist at the right place.

Whenever it arrives at the right place, Right Place Activities will start.

Keeping in mind that the tow guy said it might be totaled, it will then proceed with its estimate of the situation. Estimating is not a process to take lightly. 

1. the car goes to the Estimating Spot<tm>
2. the car is ignored for a week or two, because they're 'very busy' [with beer and spliffs]
3. customer calls to ask about car: "We're working on it. We've spoken to Insurance, but we're not going to tell you what we told them"
4. customer calls Insurance: "No, they haven't called us at all. We have 14 messages into them."
5. customer calls estimator: "It's ok, we've been really busy. The Emmys are coming up and we have been discussing them seriously and have to put our bets in. We should be able to get to it next week."
6. estimator walks around car, waits a week, makes notes, does nothing else
7. customer calls insurer, gets second rental car extension, has no idea of status
8. insurer gives up and gives customer the rental car for good

AND SOMEBODY SCRAPED THE RENTAL.

Go ahead, skeptics - tell me the universe isn't plotting against me.

Forced to get off the couch, I wound up driving the rental. To say the controls are user-hostile is to refer to WWII as a minor skirmish. I gave up trying to get the a/c off Tsunami Mode. My mom froze in her seat and we had to spend the entire weekend thawing her out.

More than anything, I wanted to Bluetooth my phone into the stereo, so I could listen to some music. I tried for half an hour. Wife tried for another hour. Needless to say, we're still stuck with the radio. There is no manual in the car. The trouble, as I see it, is that the entire system was designed by one of Mercedes' janitors, after a weekend bender. It was like one of those kids games, where they put plastic stickers on a surface. The system asks you to do something, but there's no way to say YES or NO. It just sits there, mocking the renter, knowing there will be no pairing today. Or ever.

• I'm taking a two week vacation from pr0n.
• Aren't you impressed that I could type that with a straight face?

The Internet of Clean: Samsung washing machine app requires access to your contacts and location

Yeah, I'll get right on that.

Dear Everybody: Joe's load is done. Come see Joe's load.

• Quadriplegic driver makes Goodwood Festival racing debut
• "Nobody told me I'd have to turn!"

It's been quiet on the internet and at work since LGBTQ+@- pride month expired.

There were actual meetings about putting LGBTQ into our work.

A survey of networks and hackers revealed that they don't care about LGBTQ and will continue to do their jobs regardless.

Hacker 1: man, there's a ton of industries we can hit this month

Hacker 2: we'll make millions on ransomware

Hacker 1: we promised to stay out of medical

Hacker 2: yup

Hacker 1: it's Pride Month, so we have to avoid LGBTQ

Hacker 2: how do we know?

Hacker 1: aside from theater - everything's fair game

Police: Man dies after he was found suffering from head wound

Coroner unable to connect the two 

KARAOKE TRAGEDY
Woman, 35, crushed to death by six karaoke screens as she celebrates her birthday in Russia nightclub

Karaoke is the tragedy

I went to a dry karaoke night, to support some alcoholic friends.

It was enough to make you drink.

Highly potent cannabis may cause memory issues for marijuana smokers and vapers

Huh?

I'm the hardass in the family.

Mrs. lefty is a saint who naturally has a lot of patience.

We took Mom our for food the other day.

There are pancake chains and there are pancake chains. This one had a blue sign.

The parking lot was near empty but, surprisingly, there were many people inside. And when I say many people, I mean many dirty tables. Mrs lefty went in to get us a table. She saw the carnage and waited for someone to seat her. There were three employees engaged in Important Conversation and indicated she should Hold On. Mrs. lefty, sainted and full of patience, actually turned around and left. It takes an awful lot to get on her nerves, as you would imagine. She said the employees looked relieved they didn't have to deal with another of those troublesome customers.

This location of the blue sign pancake chain is a disaster. To be fair, it's a disaster or slightly less disastrous, depending on time, day, and position of the Moon. We really wanted to give it a chance, plus it's really close. We normally drive 20 minutes up the road to their other location, which is nice, clean, has good service, and only slightly boisterous clientele. We mentioned this to the staff once, and they told us we're not the first people to say that.

When at the closer location, the nature of the disaster can run be from the customers and the staff or any degree in between. The customers are asked to leave their machetes, explosive devices, and children outside, but they can't read the signs. So to start, you have something that looks like a cross between George of the Jungle and a really bad war movie. The machetes are flying, the children are seeing how loud they have to screech to blow out eardrums or get their parents to do something, so there are a lot of busted eardrums. The wait time is thirty minutes, and when I say wait time, I mean from the time you're seated til a waitress happens to stumble by your table, mostly by accident. You better get your order in quickly because you're not likely to see her for a while, possibly til the next weekend. I've seen entire tables get sat, eat, and leave, before our order is taken. If the order arrives, it will be screwed up and she will apologize. She will promise to fix it, but that's just to keep you quiet so she can escape your table. She's not coming back. I'm kidding,.,... she'll come back with a check, eventually. By the time the check arrives, you're another year older and can't remember what you ate or what didn't arrive. Unless you check with the member of your party who died waiting.

They should really call the place WaitHop.

Meanwhile, the other tables are happy and wish to spread their joy by screaming, throwing food (if it arrived), and making intricate figurines out of their napkins (if they arrived). You will want to duck the flying silverware, if they haven't gone to plastic, out of fear of the Flying AIDS. Each table member takes out their phone and plays different tunes at once, as loud as the phone will go. Without parental attention, the children have escaped and are now standing on other guests' tables and taking their wallets. They are playing with stuff that looks suspiciously like plastic explosives.

When you ask the staff to call their next closest location to see if they're open and can get you a table, they get upset for some reason. I think this location exists to bump up the numbers of the farther location. Or this location is an experiment in how badly they can treat customers and what kind of animals they can attract before people get up and leave.

Sparkles on Your Genitals, Curlers Under Your Arms

 Your love is like  an anal probe from the bad aliens

A large Iranian navy ship sunk in Gulf after blaze

What an incredibly lucky coincidence for us....

Today I identify as  one of those humongous triangle-shaped UFOs that are probably our own secret technology

You know those tardigrades, right? The little caterpillar/bearlike thingies that can survive way under water, in space, and pretty much anywhere else? Turns out they can't always survive being shot out of a gun. 

Who thinks this stuff up? 

Hey Phil... we have to do a little more studying on these tardigrades. Let's see.. we know they can survive incredible ocean depths, they don't have to eat for a long time, and they can even survive space. What if we shoot them out of a gun? Yeah - or see if they can survive demolition explosives! Great idea - we could also try putting them on an asteroid and shooting it into the Moon. Awesome - how about we put them on the ground in California and tell people Trump is coming back. No, that's cruel.

Idiot Governor lifted most Flying AIDS restrictions in the state. Except for the breathing arrestors (masks), which will go on 6/28.

Unless you're in Philly, where Idiot Mayor will be behind, and will keep 11pm curfew for bars and masks indoors. What an idiot.

• The San Francisco Virtue Signalers Giants are the first MLB team to wear Pride colors
• I'm so old.... HOW OLD ARE YOU? I'm so old, I remember when sports teams played sports

I got an email the other day at work, telling me it was LGBTQ+ Pride Month

There's always a pride month. If I filtered on 'pride' I'd have to filter on 'history', to get them all sent to the bin. Working for a living, I need to prioritize. Things I need to do before whatever we're celebrating this month. And you can imagine what would happen if I ask for a left handed month or could we just limit email to actual work. I've been so good.... I haven't even had to meet the H/R people.

Let's think about this. It's LGBTQ pride. How is an org with a large percentage of staff working from home going to celebrate? Cover our machines in colors? Wear HERE/QUEER t-shirts? Spend the month wearing my wife's clothes? I'm gonna drop some knowledge on you.... the sexes will not be equal until people point and laugh at women wearing men's clothes. Dude, you wear one dress and you're a target. Marked for life. Ladies, you wear one pair of men's jeans, and nobody gives a second look. So until people point and stare at you, ladies, there is no equality.

Besides... who says I don't wear my wife's clothes while working?

Still no left handed history pride month.

• I've seen articles on eating cicadas. The problem with eating cicadas is that you eat one, then you're hungry 17 years later

You probably know (or are) someone who goes to visit Mom for a day, then comes home and talks on the phone with her for another hour. It's almost an old joke at this point.

Mrs lefty will naturally outshine those people. She will call someone to tell them she'll call them later. Beat that.

Take the world's smallest political quiz

while you're there, take the human respect quiz  

The Queen will meet Joe Biden next week.

Neither will recognize the other 

Princess Diana's wedding dress will go on display

Most likely without Princess Diana

The Fauci emails have hit the fan. Sen Rand Paul suggests he go bye bye.

The man has/had no clue. Along with the other 'experts' and organizations

Microsoft is getting ready to launch Windows 11.

reported features:

• if you don't type fast enough, the NSA will help you
• if you want to access your backups, all you have to do is contact the NSA or China
• follows you to the bathroom and measures your output
• when it wants to automatically restart, it tells you after it restarts, when you have no time to save your important document
• all ads, all the time: if you're pregnant, you get ads for diapers. If you're having ED problems, you get Viagra ads
• will automatically delete any other operating system on any other computer
• will take over your house, car, and eat your pets

Amazon never goes a week without a press nightmare. This time it's "Amazon's cost saving routing algorithm makes drivers walk into traffic"

Last week it was the body that lay dead 20 minutes before anyone discovered it.

I have never been in Big Business<tm>, but I don't think killing your own workers is a good business plan. Killing your customers, though....

So I have a line into Amazon, and here are some upcoming requirements

• dancing naked in the middle of a street, with a HIT ME-I DARE YOU sign
• all drivers must run themselves over with their truck, once per shift
• any package from Bob's Adult Emporium doesn't get delivered - it goes home with the driver
• all line workers must perform above last week's numbers, especially if dead
• extra breaks on all days that end in -Q
• no lunch breaks - all lunch administered intravenously, while working

Coming on the heels of Pride Month emails is the email with hiring tips.

To the best of my knowledge, I don't hire. If I do, nobody told me, which would be about right.

There is an old concept - the Peter Principle. You are promoted to the level of your own incompetence. This means that you will be promoted until you hit the job you can't perform. A huge mistake here is hiring good technical IT people, then promoting them up to Manglement and beyond. Anybody who has spent time drinking beer or chocolate milk knows IT people shouldn't be let near regular people. So they become Manglement with no people or management skills. Then they get demoted or fired because they couldn't do the job.

So I don't hire, but I sure get a lot of email about it.

I'm not entirely sure they'd like my hires.

But there are other people who get promoted. I think I have this figured out: they let anybody who wants to, spend some time as a temporary boss. Then they deliberate to find the absolute worst performer as boss and promote them officially. In addition to not being able to do the Boss Job, they also have to prove they were pretty bad at the job they left. In other words, you can't apply for the temporary boss job until you've been recognized as useless at your current job. You're then promoted above your level of incompetence, then Peter, of the Principle, has a heart attack and dies.

I've been roundly ignored by a number of people. They were all temporarily, then permanently promoted. Those of us old-fashioned folks thought you needed to do your job well and show aptitude before you were promoted. No such luck. Now I spend my spare time taking courses on lowering my competence and ignoring requests.

• Faceyspaces tracks your iPhone location - how to stop it

The Stove is so Clean You Can Cook on It

 Your love is like  a failed attempt at boom boom

Xi Jinping calls for more 'loveable' image for China in bid to make friends

He's got a point. Some of the new slogans:

1. China, where we lovably release viruses to infect everyone on the planet
2. Where anyone who disagrees gets lovably transported to our lovable facilities
3. We're wacky and lovable - try us!
4. We're on Mars too!
5. Where the press lovably prints what it's told to (kinda like the US)
6. making communism lovable

Today I identify as  the dirt that keeps reappearing on your laptop or keyboard that you can't identify, yet it comes back all the time. You don't have anything with bright green sparkles, but your computer does.

Sparkles are deadly anyway. As soon as anything with sparkles appears, sparkles will be all over your house and your body. There is no escaping it. You wake up one morning and discover there's a lone sparkle on your genitals. Then they get in the wash and you now have sparkles over ever item you wash. We have crafting sparkles. We have makeup sparkles. The reason I stay at my current job is that I can't interview in a suit with sparkles all over it.

The World Health Organization (WHO) has been successfully sued by the Who, and will have to change its initials. Original member Pete Townshend said, "It was a nasty assertion. The WHO is wrong 100% of the time. The Who is wrong only 50% of the time." Long Live Rock!

In order to avoid "stigmatising labels," the WHO will name Flying AIDS variants by the Greek alphabet (Alpha, Gamma, etc). This will last until the Greeks have a fit.

• Here’s what we know about the risks of serious side effects of Flying AIDS vaccines

How a Young Joe Biden Became the Architect of the Government's Asset Forfeiture Program

One of the many reasons he should never have been elected. The govt can take your car if they find drugs. And your house. Is that ok with you?

• How Harry Reid, a Terrorist Interrogator and the Singer From Blink-182 Took UFOs Mainstream

Amazon "Alexa will never record your conversations" has changed from mandatory arbitration to regular old lawsuits because they're swamped with arbitration cases because "Alexa records you".  I think I already did a Told You So on this.

• When Charlie Chaplin entered a Charlie Chaplin lookalike contest in 1920, he came in 20th

My best friend had a 'conversation' with his wife the other day....

HER: You should really eat more greens, just sayin

HIM: I don't like greens

HER: Yeah, but I'm just sayin

HIM: well will you STOP sayin?

HER: Why don't you gas up my car?

HIM: Because I don't drive it?

HER: Well, it would be nice if you did once in a while.

HIM: Drive the car or fill it up?

HER: dinner tonight is frozen tv dinners

• it's Pride Month. I'm going to go ahead and assume that's LGBTQ Pride Month.
• Still no left handed history pride month.
• We need lobbyists. Right after we figure out who to lobby.

There's a lot of hoo-ha over political parties supporting and not supporting LGBTQ rights. 

Once again, I want to recommend the libertarian party, where LGBTQ rights are human rights. We've been supporting them for as long as there's been a party. Same for black lives. They're all human rights.

I use a plastic bag as my trashcan in my office. Not only does it take up less space and create less of a trip hazard, but it throws right away. Great, functional idea. Sorta. Because then I have to remember to bring another bag back in after I throw away the full one. And I never remember to bring back an empty one. I realize this each time I have to throw something out, and promptly forget it. I could get up right at the moment and get a bag, but while I'm in the office, the Bag Repository feels like it's 1,000 miles away, in the frozen tundra of North Dakota. It's like getting off the couch to find the remote control for the tv. You wind up sitting there, watching Farm Report, because it's less trouble than getting up.

I have to get my ID card renewed at work.

This is a no-brainer at any company. 

Not my employer.

We had to fill out paperwork. When I went to check on status, they had asked for an external phone number, which was optional and I didn't bother with. That was the number they were going to call me on, but they wanted to make it a surprise, so they didn't tell me.

So I asked H/R. My 2nd mistake.

They told me I had to locate and make an appointment with an ID Center.

This is a flipping ID card, not a White House security pass.

Of course I'd have to find an ID Center, because doing the ID Center work in the damn building would be too easy.

There are no centers within 10 miles of my house.

There are centers within 15 miles of my house, but in an effort to diversify,  every one of them is Downtown (Center City).  I enjoy being Downtown just slightly more than dentistry. To make things more interesting, I have only a few days, because I started the process 6 weeks ago.

Did I suddenly start working for the gov't without knowing it?

QUICK REVIEWS:

• Xubuntu 21.04: it runs
• Marshall CODE 25 amp: it turns on, stock sounds lacking

My work iDevice informed me that it had failed to update and there were 347 notices.

As we know, I know fsck-all about iDevices and I care even less.

So I sit there and observe as I set the update off. It finishes without a peep.

Either my iDevice is insecure and can't update without being watched, or it's an exhibitionist and likes to be watched. Bloody neurotic device.

this is a real headline