We All Love Microsoft

It's been a great week for everyone's favorite operating system, Microsoft, as word reached us that the safe, secure loading key, that protects from other operating systems or malware being loaded, has been leaked. Ooh, the security!

As if that weren't possibly the most fun one can have, it appears that the latest Windows 10 update will break your video camera's functionality. Windows decided that they were going to operate a certain way and expects the cameras to know this. Test often.

• Not that I need to remind you, but it's National Waffle Day.  This now frees us to anticipate National Belly Button Lint Day. Hold onto your hats people....

Ryan Lochte should be disqualified, not for making up a robbery but for not making up something interesting.

• A man at a gay nightclub in Sydney allegedly added hydrochloric acid to a lubrication dispenser. Fortunately he was caught by security guards. Hmmm... lube..... at a gay nightclub. Doesn't anybody fuck at home or in cars anymore? And can't they bring their own accessories?

The Weiner Limps Away: to the obvious surprise of the world, Anthony Weiner got caught sexting again. His wife, Huma, Hillary's Girl and alleged Muslim, finally did the right thing and cut him off, as it were. They're separating. Poor Anthony will never get to see the Oral Office.

• Some commercial versions of granola are loaded with enough sugar to rival a slice of chocolate cake. So why not just avoid the misery and eat the cake?

We bid a fond farewell to Gene Wilder (83). 

Gene, if you got up there for the same reasons I do, you more than succeeded.

• While Gary Johnson advances in the polls, I'm kinda disappointed in Donald Trump. I figured he could afford to go nuclear on Hillary. Unfortunately, he's been somewhat tame.

With the University of Texas allowing concealed carry on campus, protestors are combating with sex toys. I love a good sex toy, but if there's a shooter, I think a gun would be the safer choice.  You?

• Los Angeles International Airport (LAX) was nearly shut down the other day due to fears of gunshots. There were no gunshots but police did question a man dressed as Zorro. Of course they did. The last Airport Panic was caused by balloons bursting.  Perfect fodder for Security Theater.

500 cows were stolen from a dairy farm in New Zealand.

How do you suppose this was accomplished? And how did they hide 500 cows? Were they taken in Flight MH370?

• I just saw an article about the benefits of being friends with Hillary Clinton. They forgot to list "not winding up dead under suspicious circumstances."

No bigger a celebrity than Barbara Streisand said she'd leave the country if Trump gets elected. The problem here is that nobody will hold Barbara and the other celebrities accountable for their promises. Perhaps if Trump wins, he could volunteer his personal 757 to get these folks to the destination of their choice.

• Because things were getting boring, our appliances are staging a revolt. The wife is suspicious of the fridge, which is still keeping things cold, thankfully. Obviously in sympathy, the washer declined to drain. Thankfully, the internet is full of tutorials and suggestions on how to fix the problem. It is one of three things - two of them are simple, the third task goes on for hours. Guess which one needs to be undertaken. Guess.
• In circumstances you're not gonna believe, there's an unused washer/dryer combo already in the house. Apparently hooking it up is the least of my problems. Operating it seems to take some sort of an advanced college degree in either astrophysics or string theory. The wife, who seems to be operating under the delusion that we're In The Money, is already concerned that the device is inoperable by normal humans and wants a new, stupid washer.
• Have you priced washers lately? They have lagged behind, only slowly, cell phones. They started as plain old washers, then got 'smart', then became front-loading; in the process, causing the price to skyrocket. While my mother wanted nothing more than a dumb phone, my wife wants a dumb washer (as distinguished from a dumbwaiter, which we get whenever we go out). During a recent Costco trip (where you go in for napkins and $350 later, walk out with tires and a lifetime supply of fiber bars), we could not locate a dumb washer. We did, however, spot several washers with IQs at least double ours, with prices starting at $1200. At the risk of sounding like an Old Pharte, dumb washers used to cost a few hundred dollars and run forever.
• So now I gotta teleport the washer combo into its rightful spot, somehow teleport the broken device to its Final Resting Place, and figger out how to connect the beast to whatever it gets connected to (hoping to avoid an entire blog post describing this effort). What I know about washers could fill the space occupied by Kim Kardashian's brain.

While the loudest voice in the building at work chats with my deaf, loud next-door neighbor for an hour, I find myself nostalgic for the guy who spent the entire day surfing for sneakers.

The Great Unveiling

FBI's James Comey: "While Hillary's actions clearly rise to the level of prosection, I decline to do so. The example of Vince Foster looms large to anyone who would try."

I am not a Conspiracy Theorist, I'm a futurist.
Once again I am forced to repeat this. If, after the FBI non-Prosecution Fiasco, you have any doubts that the fix is in, you might need to seek professional help. After all the woman said and did, she has been protected by the Powers That Be (PTB). The veil is off and it should be painfully apparent that laws are for you and they don't apply to Them. Too big to jail,

They're terrified of Trump because he's not owned, so all the stops are being pulled out for Hillary.
Just in case you think justice is still imminent, they own the voting machines too.

I'm still voting for Gary Johnson, whose poll numbers keep rising, for obvious reasons.

• Philly Strikes Again: Transit officials found cracks in more than a hundred new rail cars, pulling them out of service only weeks before the Democratic National Convention. Some of the ancient cars aren't stopping at farther stations because they're full. People are having trouble getting around. In some cases, there are 30 minutes between trains during rush hours.
• Meanwhile, the mayor wants illegal aliens to be free to roam in his sanctuary city.

A New Zealand couple found a human head on a beach in Fiji. Come to Fiji - where you're sure to get a-head.

• The 20 year old Briton who tried to grab a policeman's gun and assassinate Donald Trump has denied the charges. He didn't mean to assassinate Donald, he just wanted to look at the policeman's shiny new gun and shoot it where Donald was standing. Since there was no clear intent, the FBI's James Coney has declined to prosecute him.

In another move for common sense, the next Iron Man will be a 15 year old female. I guess the Iron Man suit will have to be redesigned to accommodate boobies.

• Some bright fella set a Google car on fire because he believed Google was watching him. Well, he was correct in his assessment but went a bit far in his actions. Turning off cookies would have been a better start.

In the past week, two Teslas have crashed while in Autopilot Mode. This would normally be an item of concern, but none of us here can afford one.

• The US House passed legislation prohibiting employees from viewing pron or explicit sites. Only the goons in the US need this law. Next up: a law to stop federal employees from killing their coworkers.

Wouldn't You Like to be a Pecker Too

I don't want to say there's something fundementally wrong with this country, but there's something fundamentally wrong with this country. A bunch of illegal aliens, accompanied by a mariachi band, just protested outside of the Supreme Court for amnesty. I'm trying to imagine a bunch of murderers marching around the Kremlin for amnesty. Or bombers marching around the Knesset for amnesty.

This one goes way off the Stupid Meter<tm>.
It has become so prevalent that it can no longer be considered chance - this is on purpose. Allowed to happen.

• As we know, I vote libertarian. Here's an interview with Gary Johnson, my candidate for president. Read it or not - this is just some info. With the current election environment, we libertarians don't sound so crazy after all.

It's looking more like the hidden 28 pages of the 9/11 reports may be released (over the objections of the White House and Paul Ryan). I predict that these pages will detail the Saudi involvement in financing but not the rest of the criminal activity (see Cheney, Dick). Rest assured, if this is being released, it doesn't contain the juicy bits (just like ufo 'releases').

• Prince William (R-UK) says he takes his royal duty seriously. Nobody knows entirely what his duty is, but the denizens of the UK can rest assured that he takes it seriously. The top of my single British reader's head just exploded. Thus far, his duty seems to consist largely of shaking hands, marrying an attractive woman (to great fanfare), and producing offspring. The cheekiest of Brits would say that Clive Public could fulfill these duties with aplomb (or an orange, if you'd rather) but we're neither cheeky nor British here. In fact, this paragraph might cause the first UK attack on the US in history.

Bill Cosby's wife, Camille, has finished giving her evidence in a defamation case filed by seven women accusing the comedian of sexual assault. "I was not there. He certainly never drugged ME. I am a kitchen table."

• Utah has declared porn to be a public health risk. This is the state with the most traffic to porn sites in the US. Oddly enough, all of the sponsors are folks with Magic Underwear (Mormons). If it were truly magic, it would save them from the scourge of pornography. 

Bad Day Dept: How'd you like to be the child whose mom confesses to the dad that after 15 years, he is someone else's child?

• At the 1967 Monterey Pop Festival there was a disagreement between the Who and Jimi Hendrix because the Who rightfully did not want to follow Hendrix.

Warning or request?

NOW We're Important

It's tough being libertarian.  Most people look at me like I have three heads (although I suspect they'd look at me that way regardless of political orientation).

It's particularly tough at work, where the Democratic National Committee meets.  Ok, it's not officially the DNC but two people who worked for Obama congregate with all their amateur strategists and plan for the election.  It's upsetting.  I have a little sign that says OBAMA/BIDEN 2012 - because you didn't learn the first time.  It points in that direction.

I've been paying attention to the polls, which I don't generally do.  By all accounts, this race is close.  In fact, the race is so close that libertarians are starting to matter.   And how, you ask, do I know libertarians matter?  Because we're being bashed openly in the press.  Normally we're ignored; now we're being ridiculed.

When libertarians come up, the parties of Greed argue back and forth about who gets stolen from by libertarian votes.

In my state (Pennsylvania), the republican party is very busy with dirty tricks, trying to keep Gary Johnson off the ballot.  They hired private investigators and misrepresented themselves.  Fortunately liberty prevailed and Mr. Johnson is on the ballot.  We can also write-in Ron Paul.

If we don't matter, why are the republicans trying so desperately to remove our candidate?  Oddly enough, the democrats either haven't done anything or haven't been caught yet.

It sure is nice to matter, for once.

In fact, we libertarians should be actively courted.  [evil laughter]


Don't vote for the lesser of two evils.  Vote for someone who represents your ideals.  A vote for the lesser of two evils is a vote wasted.

Who's Running this Cathouse Anyway?

The Season of Politics is upon us.  We're about to be mowed down by advertising.  The Republican Liar Convention survived the weather and the Democratic Liar Convention survived the president.  Ron Paul got screwed, as one would expect, and no one knows who Gary Johnson is.

In essence, we're screwed.

This is also no surprise.  Since we're all inside this luxurious handbasket on its way downhill, we should at least be amused.

Cue Joe Biden:

No surprise, for the third time.  It's Good Old Joe, sitting at a diner with some bikers.  He is in very close proximity to the lone female biker, as opposed to the two male bikers.  As if this weren't jolly enough, it all happened in Seaman, Ohio.

As if this weren't enough to tickle the old funny bone for the day, I came across his boss, President Obama, having difficulty with an iPhone.  The headline should have read Head iHole Can't Use iPhone.

DEMOCRAT PLANNERS TAKE NOTE:

You know me - I'm a Ron Paul kinda guy.  I wouldn't give you a handful of rocks for a republican or democrat.  But it certainly is amusing to note that perhaps the democratic candidate and his second-in-command should switch place.  I think most reasonably sane people would rather have someone who can handle a biker chick running the country than a guy who can't grok an iPhone.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

My esteemed coworkers and I arrived at work this morning to discover a new parking policy.  I smiled when I read it, knowing that the natives would soon be restless, sharpening their pitchforks and lighting their torches.  The natives never disappoint.  In short order, I could hear the drums beating and smell the lighter fluid.

Out to lunch with a friend, I explained the whole parking brouhaha, including the pitchforks.  

He looked at me and said, "So there's a new parking policy that states people should not park in places where parking is not allowed."

"Yes," I assured him, "you understand."

He replied, "And people are outraged."

"Exactly."

"Ok," he said, and we went to another topic.