Tuesday, August 30, 2016

We All Love Microsoft

It's been a great week for everyone's favorite operating system, Microsoft, as word reached us that the safe, secure loading key, that protects from other operating systems or malware being loaded, has been leaked. Ooh, the security!

As if that weren't possibly the most fun one can have, it appears that the latest Windows 10 update will break your video camera's functionality. Windows decided that they were going to operate a certain way and expects the cameras to know this. Test often.

  • Not that I need to remind you, but it's National Waffle Day.  This now frees us to anticipate National Belly Button Lint Day. Hold onto your hats people....

Ryan Lochte should be disqualified, not for making up a robbery but for not making up something interesting.

  • A man at a gay nightclub in Sydney allegedly added hydrochloric acid to a lubrication dispenser. Fortunately he was caught by security guards. Hmmm... lube..... at a gay nightclub. Doesn't anybody fuck at home or in cars anymore? And can't they bring their own accessories?

The Weiner Limps Away: to the obvious surprise of the world, Anthony Weiner got caught sexting again. His wife, Huma, Hillary's Girl and alleged Muslim, finally did the right thing and cut him off, as it were. They're separating. Poor Anthony will never get to see the Oral Office.

  • Some commercial versions of granola are loaded with enough sugar to rival a slice of chocolate cake. So why not just avoid the misery and eat the cake?

We bid a fond farewell to Gene Wilder (83). 
Gene, if you got up there for the same reasons I do, you more than succeeded.

  • While Gary Johnson advances in the polls, I'm kinda disappointed in Donald Trump. I figured he could afford to go nuclear on Hillary. Unfortunately, he's been somewhat tame.

With the University of Texas allowing concealed carry on campus, protestors are combating with sex toys. I love a good sex toy, but if there's a shooter, I think a gun would be the safer choice.  You?

  • Los Angeles International Airport (LAX) was nearly shut down the other day due to fears of gunshots. There were no gunshots but police did question a man dressed as Zorro. Of course they did. The last Airport Panic was caused by balloons bursting.  Perfect fodder for Security Theater.

500 cows were stolen from a dairy farm in New Zealand.
How do you suppose this was accomplished? And how did they hide 500 cows? Were they taken in Flight MH370?

  • I just saw an article about the benefits of being friends with Hillary Clinton. They forgot to list "not winding up dead under suspicious circumstances."

No bigger a celebrity than Barbara Streisand said she'd leave the country if Trump gets elected. The problem here is that nobody will hold Barbara and the other celebrities accountable for their promises. Perhaps if Trump wins, he could volunteer his personal 757 to get these folks to the destination of their choice.

  • Because things were getting boring, our appliances are staging a revolt. The wife is suspicious of the fridge, which is still keeping things cold, thankfully. Obviously in sympathy, the washer declined to drain. Thankfully, the internet is full of tutorials and suggestions on how to fix the problem. It is one of three things - two of them are simple, the third task goes on for hours. Guess which one needs to be undertaken. Guess.
  • In circumstances you're not gonna believe, there's an unused washer/dryer combo already in the house. Apparently hooking it up is the least of my problems. Operating it seems to take some sort of an advanced college degree in either astrophysics or string theory. The wife, who seems to be operating under the delusion that we're In The Money, is already concerned that the device is inoperable by normal humans and wants a new, stupid washer.
  • Have you priced washers lately? They have lagged behind, only slowly, cell phones. They started as plain old washers, then got 'smart', then became front-loading; in the process, causing the price to skyrocket. While my mother wanted nothing more than a dumb phone, my wife wants a dumb washer (as distinguished from a dumbwaiter, which we get whenever we go out). During a recent Costco trip (where you go in for napkins and $350 later, walk out with tires and a lifetime supply of fiber bars), we could not locate a dumb washer. We did, however, spot several washers with IQs at least double ours, with prices starting at $1200. At the risk of sounding like an Old Pharte, dumb washers used to cost a few hundred dollars and run forever.
  • So now I gotta teleport the washer combo into its rightful spot, somehow teleport the broken device to its Final Resting Place, and figger out how to connect the beast to whatever it gets connected to (hoping to avoid an entire blog post describing this effort). What I know about washers could fill the space occupied by Kim Kardashian's brain.

While the loudest voice in the building at work chats with my deaf, loud next-door neighbor for an hour, I find myself nostalgic for the guy who spent the entire day surfing for sneakers.


  1. Well.....I'll be damned. I recognize this particular mix of humor and irreverence....and of course, the oddball upside-down backwards guitar predilection. greetings from an old (and getting older) former fellow Fidonet Guitar echo denizen.

  2. Unless someone leaked this url, I'm amazed that anyone finds this. Welcome and a fond hello again, Anonymous stranger. Pls email.