Showing posts with label mitt romney. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mitt romney. Show all posts

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Mitt Romney's New Campaign Strategies

Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney has had a time of it lately, what with letting his true feelings for the 99% (47%) show and now the boner about rolling down plane windows.

Is this the logical extension of our presidential contests?  Probably.

IN the meantime, old Mitt has sacked his entire campaign staff and decided to go it alone.  His strategy, if one could locate it, is to get all the boners out into the open before November, so he can get back to denying that religion has turned his brain into Swiss cheese.

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What happened to Romney's submarine?
Everyone drowned when he opened the screen door.

Has anybody seen Ann Romney lately?
Unfortunately she got sucked out of the plane when her husband opened the door at thirty thousand feet.

Why is there no ice in the Romney household?
The inventor died and took the recipe with him.

Did you hear that Mitt had extensive facial surgery?
Yeah, fans should stop when you put your face in them.  It's a dangerous situation.

Nobody knows about Mitt's first son, Bob.
Yeah, bullets should stop when you step in front of them. [see Cheney, Dick]

Why did Romney get a spray-tan before speaking to Latinos?
Because his advisors had to inform him he couldn't Photoshop himself in real life.

Mitt Romney:  rebuilding our country.  With Legos.

Why don't the Romneys use computers?
Because any one of those viruses can kill you.

Why did Mitt sleep in the garage?
Because the car elevator was broken.


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Mitt Romney has decided, as a campaign strategy, to write some Obama jokes.
[duck and cover!]


What's the only thing dumber than bailing out General Motors?
Bailing out the bankers.

How do you keep Congress in line?
Sit down and have a beer with them.

No, seriously, how do you keep Congress in line?
I don't.

How does one top a multi-trillion-dollar bank giveaway?
With a multi-trillion-dollar healthcare giveaway.

Why do you need another four years in office?
There are so many lies left to tell, so many promises to break....

You have broken most, if not all, of your campaign promises.  Why?
Campaign promises are not like real promises.  They're more like wishes.


Thursday, April 26, 2012

This Week in Porn?

Frankly, I feel kind of left out.  Because most of us don't live in New York City, we're unable to take advantage (so to speak) of Bree Olson's Boob Bus.  Run in conjunction with Pornhub, the Bus made stops around New York City and gave out free breast exams.  Rick Santorum's panties are twisted so hard, he's singing soprano.

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In related news, candidate Romney turns out to be just like his pal Santorum on porn, asking supporters to rally against adult entertainment on the web.  Of course you won't read that from mainstream media in the US, which is run by approximately five people.

The only sensible candidate remains Ron Paul... a candidate who you can be proud to vote for, for once.  A vote for Obama or Romney is a wasted vote for the Greater Evil.

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On Monday, President Giveaway went Full Hypocrite, announcing plans to impose sanctions on foreign governments that use modern technology to tackle anti-government protesters.  And then there were the Free Speech Zones....

Speaking of Giveaways, Government Motors will be opening six hundred new dealerships!  In China.
And GM will be producing Cadillacs there.  Great investment, Mr. President.

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Mob beats man unconscious on his front porch - `Now that's justice for Trayvon'.
Does this mean Florida can dispense with the trial?

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In an incredible instance of irony, a congresscritter was groped by the TSA during a patdown.  Well, you and your kind voted for it; it's only fair that you reap the rewards.

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The NSA swears is doesn't do domestic interception.  The NSA lies.  Read about this from a female geek who is almost as crazy as this blog's owner.  They stand right up in front of the august body we know as Congress and lie to them (and us).

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Real News Where You Can Find It

I am not a patient man.  When they gave out patience, I must have been elsewhere.  I probably couldn't stand in line long enough for it.

I have actually strained what precious little patience I have beyond the breaking point, looking for real news.  Our fourth estate has abdicated its responsibility.  Mainstream media is the lapdog of the White House.  All newspapers are owned by about five companies.  If you go there looking for truth, you're not going to find it.  Disappointment will ensure.

We used to have shortwave radio.  We still do, to some small extent.  Many broadcasters have given it up.  The internet has almost killed radio.  But you have to go outside the country for anything approximating balanced news (Fox News is as balanced as Mussolini, as are the rest of them).

You can also search the internet.  Surveys show that most people get their news from the internet these days.  This is good, as people can largely find what they want online, regardless of bias.

While channel-surfing last week (we only have broadcast television - no cable) I came across the most interesting news I have seen on television.  They gave all sides.  They mentioned Ron Paul (which is expressly forbidden in the US).  They interviewed people on the street in New York (which was ugly).  A fellow named Max Keiser gave a very astute political reading.

What off-planet source did I hook into?  Russia Today.

Before you fall off your ergonomically-correct computer chair laughing, go check out the link and let me know what you found.  Here in Philly, Pennsylvania, US, RT is channel 35-4.  Check to see if you have it locally.  At this very moment, the moderator is stating that Mitt Romney makes more money in one day than the average American makes in one year.  His guest is explaining this and breaking it down.  They are discussing Reagan and taxes.

You are not going to see this on any other news program you watch.  Check it out.