I've Got SNAILS in My Pants

So there's this athletic tournament in Siberia, the little-known Capitol of All Athletics. Russia sent more than thirty of their Best. And thirty of their best turned tail and fled after the unannounced arrival of anti-doping officials.

The Kremlin denied that the sudden disappearance of their team had anything to do with performance-enhancing drugs; they all just had a doctor's appointment they suddenly remembered.

• News has reached the public that President Trump had an affair with a porn star in the past. The democrats and never Trumpers are absolutely over the moon with glee. Their smiles will be short-lived, as the president's supporters will be damn impressed that their man got to boink a porn star.
• Having seen the adult entertainer in question, I can't help but think I would've chosen a different performer (not that I know anything at all about porn).

I'd be remiss if I didn't mention the Las Vegas shooting. I'm not saying there's any sort of conspiracy here, but the pattern doesn't fit the norm. In all other shootings, the details are known within a day of the event. In Las Vegas, we still don't know much more than the official narrative. As with any other large happening, it is very important to scrutinize the entire event, as well as the official narrative. Here are some relevant questions that remain unanswered. Please read and form your own conclusions.

• The residents of a fair percentage of Pennsylvania are somewhat confused. This sentence stands alone, however what's confusing in this case is that they awoke to find no new snow. In fact, the sun is almost out, which is pretty much the best they can hope for. According to a report that I can't remember where I read, we have had snow in all 50 states.
• Asked to comment on this, a panel of meteorologists said, "This is some weird shit."

I know I'm incredibly late to the party but I just passed Toddlers and Tiaras on whatever channel I passed it on.  It's no secret that I hate reality tv, as well as non-reality tv, and most of what passes for tv on tv. This show is an egregious example of what's wrong with tv, as well as some extreme psychological issues.

I often joke that clothes commercials for kids amount to "dress your daughter like a prostitute, just like you!" Nowhere is this more true than this show. It is absolutely eerie to see very young girls with hair higher than some buildings, in spite of my love for Big Hair. They have more makeup on than a Kardashian, and learn all the modeling moves from their mothers, who are either all failed pageanteers or wish they were. This, as we all know by now, is the worst case of projection on tv. Leave the poor girls alone and let them grow up as normally as possible. Take it from the guy who has no children and his dog doesn't do beauty (or obedience) pageants.  Let's teach them about winning being the only thing. Add in a little sabotage for fun. Make them sensitive to their mothers' moods and keep trying to please them by winning. Have them absolutely burnt out by age eight - yeah... that'll teach them a lesson and prepare them for Life.

• The next time you see a psychiatrist giving a professional opinion of someone's mental health in the press, remember the Goldwater rule: ...in such circumstances, a psychiatrist may share with the public his or her expertise about psychiatric issues in general. However, it is unethical for a psychiatrist to offer a professional opinion unless he or she has conducted an examination and has been granted proper authorization for such a statement.
• Briefly, a psychiatrist can't give an opinion on a person without seeing the person professionally and obtaining permission to talk about it (medical privacy - HIPAA).

From the CIA in 1956, here are the ten states created within an individual during brainwashing. If you remember, this is an open secret: the CIA admitted to it.  When young, I was often told to wash my brain out with soap.

• As you remember, ThermionicEmissions refers to the method by which a vacuum tube operates. Every now and then I slip and offer some information relevant to tubes. This would be one of them: a how to balance a phase inverter video.
• If you're somewhat interested in tubes (valves in the UK), this is probably not your video.
• If you don't give a rat's ass about tubes, this is definitely not your video.
• If you like tube stereo and guitar amps, this runs the possibility of being your video.
• If you feel a sense of satisfaction when you see a squirrel as roadkill, you should probably get some help.

Satirists have left the building. Real life is so weird, they can't come up with anything to compete. An obvious parody tv ad had two people in a boat, fishing. The female was saying that when he said fish, she thought he meant sushi. The commercial is for a dating site for farmers. We're laughing, wondering why they would spend the money to put this on tv. Yes, farmersdating.com, or something like that. We're still laughing. They keep going. We stop laughing... these people are serious. Guys dressed in flannel and jeans, doing flannel and jeans things, with ladies dressed similarly, doing dating things. We're a little too far north and a little too much in the real world for this stuff.

If this service takes off, I see other specialized dating sites:
mailman-dating.com: they talk about their love of shorts and hatred of dogs

convenience_store-dating: open 24/7

police-dating.com: put your hands on the wall, take your clothes off, and do exactly as I say...

corporate_management-dating.com: let's schedule a series of meetings to discuss having sex.

redneck-dating.com: Budweiser delivery to your yard, provided the delivery guy can get past the old appliances and cars on the porch. Call a cousin for romance tonight!

doctor-dating.com: keep a total stranger waiting for two hours at the restaurant.

fireman_dating.com: go to hot places and show someone your hose.


Unfortunately, not all sites succeed:
geek-dating.com: failed because geeks are socially retarded, in person and online

serialkiller-dating.com: failed for obvious reasons

politician-dating.com: who the hell wants to date a politician? Hmmm.. maybe a serial killer....

clothing_designer-dating.com: there's only room for one insufferable drama queen in a relationship

refuse_management_engineer-dating.com: there are no female trash workers

pornstar-dating.com: they didn't like to take their work home.

multiple_personality-dating.com: they couldn't agree on who was dating whom.

depressed-dating.com: failed because none of them could manage the energy necessary to consider it.

• The new Audi has 19 speakers. In order to fit 19 speakers, there were some compromises made: no back seat, only 3 wheels, and no engine. But the sound is great. You can hear Ringo's nose hair flapping when he plays the drums.

Q. How can you tell when police sex is nearing the end?
A. One of them says, "Be on the lookout for bodily spasms."

• a very large pizza chain has announced pizza insurance: if you drop or otherwise mutilate your pie, they'll replace it free. Deductibles apply. Does not cover pepperoni. Not valid with Obamacare.

Murder's Still Illegal, Right?

Bruno Mars was in town recently. Or on the tv. Maybe he was purchasing plywood, I don't know. I know exactly one of his songs, and even that one I don't know all the way through.

I don't know what the song is called either. All I know is that after every line he sings, someone says "Eh eh eh eh, eh eh eh eh OOH". This is not only the highlight of the song, but pretty much the only part I know. When I say the highlight of the song, I mean that when I hear it, I know it's time to change the station. Who am I kidding - like I'd listen to a station that plays Bruno Mars.

So I would assume, because I'm an expert in these things, that he will play my jam [that's perform my song, for anybody over 40]. People will be leaving the arena, stoked, singing "Eh eh eh eh, eh eh eh eh OOH"

• If you have ever commented on a blog post, you might have logged into Disqus in order to do it. This is stupid. Disqus was hacked, years ago, and is being nice enough to let us know. Even if you haven't received any information from them, change your password. It won't hurt to change any of them randomly. Remember this next time you have to log in to make a comment.

So, are you trying to recover from the Equifax hack? If you go there, you'll get redirected to another site, which may try to install a fake Adobe Flash player. Equifax blames it on third party code. Before you and I asphyxiate from laughter, this same code also got TransUnion. Are you feeling safe now?

• Faceyspaces users: the latest hack is via Trusted Contacts. If someone contacts you and says they want your help recovering their account, be very careful. You may wind up giving them your account. Come to think of it, it might be a good idea to give someone your FB account.

I'm checking the weather online. It tells me that tomorrow, cloudy skies will become partly cloudy. That was helpful.

• This week's hack Pizza Hut. The financial information of 'some' customers was stolen. It occurred between October 1 and 2, for 28 hours, if you ordered online or with their app. This illustrates just one of the issues faced by ordering from Pizza Hut.

Krack Attack: WARNING...WARNING... DANGER... DANGER..
There is a serious problem with WPA2, the encryption most of us are using on our wifi. Until the attack is completely analyzed, the best thing you can do is turn off your wifi. Since you're not going to do that, use your mobile minutes, which you're also not going to do. Use the HTTPS Everywhere extension on ALL of your browsers, wifi and wired. You can find it in your app store or at eff.org. Using HTTPS and/or a VPN will protect you at the present. The small bit of good news is that an attacker has to be physically close to attack. Make sure your phones, wireless, and all computer operating systems are patched to the moment. Have and update an antivirus. Check Bleeping Computer or other security sites for updates. You are most vulnerable with android phones. Linux is already patched and iOS will let you know the moment it becomes available. The android patching system is.. well.. crap. Don't forget everything in your house from smart tv's to light bulbs. 

Microsoft has patched all supported versions of Windows and the update will come down with all the others, as it does normally (assuming you have it set to download and install immediately).

• The blog stats for the week (or month, I have no *$&#ing idea):
• The large majority of readers are coming from Poland.
• 85% of readers are using Chrome or Chrome-based browsers (which phone home to Google)
• 72% of readers run Windows.
• These stats are available to me every morning. They are accurate down to single digits, which is all they need to be. The numbers are arrived at by carefully examining the hits every day, dividing by the previous day, then throwing it all out for a number provided by a random number generator. They have no relation to reality whatsoever, kinda like this blog.
• Please tell your friends (or enemies, depending on how you feel) about ThermionicEmissions.

I'm thinking about getting into poetry. This is a poem about breaking up:

I hate your guts
Don't want you no more
So get your ass out
You whiny fat whore.

It has a certain delicacy to it, don't you think?

• I feel a little guilty, having nothing to do with my religion or mother. ThermionicEmissions kinda refers to the method by which vacuum tubes work, yet I don't talk about them much.
• Yesterday I visited a tube link where I could buy lots of GZ34 rectifier tubes for $75 each. It's a very good thing my DC30 amplifier will run with a GZ34 or two 5AR4s or something like that. Saves a lot of money.
• And thus ends this installment of Tube Talk.

I made a sandwich.
This is not really a surprise; I have made many sandwiches, of many varieties.
There was something wrong with this sandwich: it was apparently very unhappy and wanted to die. Yes, I made my first Suicidal Sandwich. Right out to the couch I went, putting the plate on my lap. Within two seconds, the plate and sandwich attempted to leap to the floor, only I saved it. I felt good about this. Persistently, the combination decided to try again. Again I saved it. I was a hero twice in one day.

When I was finished, I put my plate down. Within seconds, it too tried to leap. Did the sandwich's suicidal ideation infect the plate by proximity? Was it the plate the whole time? What if the two of them were just scientists, trying to prove the existence of gravity?