Captivity -- Day 85 My Boobies Lie Over the Ocean

The humidity went into hiding today.
Nobody missed it.



In November 1963, a popular young president drove into an ambush.
Various unstolen video and pictures show the crowd running toward the grassy knoll after the shooter.

Can you imagine, heaven forbid, if that happened today?
The crowd wouldn't move because the shooting came from the crowd. Antifa would be high fiving each other, half the crowd would cheer, and the limo couldn't get to the hospital because BLM was peacefully laying in the street (reloading). All video from every angle would be on YouTube before the FBI could confiscate a single phone. The newspapers would say the fatal shot came from a killer satellite over Australia, which bounced off Russia first. In spite of YouTube's policy of not glorifying violence, they left the footage up because it was 'uplifting.'



Today's best had to be the little kid asking his mom why that lady's pocketbook said FUCK on it. Because he was looking at Mrs lefty's FUCK keychain. Mrs lefty apologized, the mom would have no apologizing, and they laughed. If the kids ever go back to school, I give him 2 days before suspension.

Speaking of which, the police appeared at the home of an 11 year old boy, in a  virtual classroom. A teacher spotted the child's bb rifle on the wall and called the police. The police asked for Mom's permission to SEARCH the house, then they turned up the bb rifle. Of course there were no charges, because there was nothing illegal. They should have charged the teacher for causing a panic. The child was terrorized.



They let me out today.
After checking with the doctors, Mrs lefty was told ok, but not for too long, and to get me home immediately if I started to look stressed. How could anybody be stressed while picking up a pizza from our favorite place?

Even though it was never a problem before, all of the sudden they required masks.
Uh oh.
Mrs lefty took one look at me and suggested we go home. NOW.
She says I tend to look more homicidal than normal when we go out.

Trying out a few new things the doctors taught me, I figured I'd get into the restaurant. With a mask.

By way of explanation, even though I'm perfectly correct, I don't have to wear a mask in the house, except when Mrs lefty's feeling kinky. So I don't feel like wearing one when occasionally permitted outside.

NO. NO. No. N. No mask.
I don't NEED a mask.
I didn't have to wear one 2 weeks ago - why now?
They're foul. They're wrong. They make my nose sweat. And they stink.

So I got a gold star from Mom, who loved the pizza. Mrs lefty said I was allowed to remain alive (at least til the evening).

The small strip mall with Lowes has NO parking left. Hundreds and hundreds of spots, all full. A large store - all empty. I'm starting to shake, moreso. Breathing deeply, I agree to go to Bob's, where they always have the stuff we're looking for.

Except this time, when Bob's is completely sold out of everything we need. Never mind, we run into someone we haven't seen in years. In the next aisle, we run into someone we haven't seen in months. I wanted to leave before we ran into Mom, who we saw a few hours earlier. All of them came from Lowes, where they couldn't park.



I did my weekly check on visiting my favorite places. Both restaurants still don't deliver to tables, although one does in 3 stores in PA, all on the other side of the state. Idiot Governor thinks the Flying AIDS leaves the state from west to east.

I'm so desperate, I want to visit Guitar Center.
I pulled up their site, where half the screen announced BLACK LIVES MATTER.
Ok, good to see another corporation spouting the required rhetoric.
Currently there is only curb service. I have absolutely no idea how you try out a guitar at the curb, but who am I to question the wisdom.
Their plan for opening was that they would keep everything clean. They won't TUNE the guitars, but they'll clean them.

The customers and staff will wear masks (a grave improvement in looks) and the staff would help the customers at an appropriate distance. YES SIR - THAT'S A STRATOCASTER. IT'S A DAMN FINE GUITAR. WHAT? YES, I HAVE 2 AT HOME. CRANK IT UP! WHAT? I CAN'T TURN THE AMP ON BECAUSE YOU'RE STANDING TOO CLOSE TO IT.

Perhaps I'll wait.

The end of the day was picking up the medicine the doctors gave me.
We got to the pharmacy on time. But they require masks too.
Life is cruel.

Your Mother Sucks YooHoo with a Straw

Bought an HP printer lately? They would like you to approve sending data to them about your device and what you print. And join their Ink Club. Haven't seen this on linux after I bought my new printer. Windows beware.



Our best wishes for the people of Dallas, who just got hit with a tornado.
Remember: for every massive, dangerous event, there will be hundreds who walk into it to take video.



Dear lefty

• Why do people behave so poorly while driving or online?
• Because if you put a windshield or keyboard in front of people, you get Instant Asshole<tm>.

No thank you, I'd rather  wear a MAGA hat to an antifa riot

• In China, knives are registered to a person's ID and must be kept tied down.
• The UK is jealous.
• There are surveillance cameras everywhere.
• The US is jealous.
• Children are looked out for when parents are sent to re-education camps.
• Bill De Blasio is jealous.

• I'm sure it's physics, but I'm not too good with physics. When I pick up one of those tumblers that keep coffee warm and push the button, it goes POP, and sprays coffee in my face. Now I know how Mrs lefty feels.

Today I identify as my wife's bra - I hold them up all day

• True to its idiotic functions, the Senate passed a ransomware law. It will 'protect' Chuck Schumer's district schools from ransomware.
• Schumer is also working on a law to protect schools from bad weather and cancer.

Come for the disaster, stay for the finger-pointing

Councilman "mind-boggled" by Baltimore City IT department ineptitude.

This is irony in its highest form: a councilman being mind-boggled, and referring to a department as inept.

Not that he doesn't have something of a point.... IT audit information was kept on individual computers, not on servers, and not backed up. That's certainly inept. I think the entire process should be audited, from acquisition to education, to actual use. I have a hunch there will be 'irregularities' found at each step.

Meanwhile, the taxpayers are on the hook for $18 million (so far). Because you KNOW no one else is going to pay... the taxpayers will soon be mind-boggled too.




Heroes of the Stupid

A five year autistic old boy has been put on record as a sex offender after hugging a classmate.

Tesla's autopilot has been found partially responsible for a crash on an L.A. freeway. Out of a long ride, the 'driver' had his hands on the wheel for 51 seconds, none of which were close to the crash, when he was looking down at something. The manual repeatedly states not to do this. He had a copy of the manual, but never read it.  Once again, the technology is not ready for prime time.



SJW Ravings

Mattel's newest dolls can be boys, girls, neither, or both.

• Quantum doll: identifies as both, but only when you observe it
• Republican doll: refers to abortion as murder, blames democrat doll, raises taxes and debt
• Democrat doll: criminalizes speech, blames republican doll, raises taxes and debt
• Libertarian doll: leaves the other dolls alone, why are you asking?
• Car Mechanic doll: looks roughly the same, regardless of gender
• Common features: believe they can be anything! (by claiming they are)
• Hollywood doll: identifies as neither gender, identifies as important, blames republican doll

Seattle Public Schools have a K-12 Math Ethnic Studies Framework.
You read that right.
Allow me to give you highlights:

Power and oppression, as defined by ethnic studies, are the ways in which individuals and groups define mathematical knowledge so as to see “Western” mathematics as the only legitimate expression of mathematical identity and intelligence. This definition of legitimacy is then used to disenfranchise people and communities of color. This erases the historical contributions of people and communities of color.

Students will be confident in their ability to construct & decode mathematical knowledge, truth, and beauty so they can contribute to their experiences and the experiences of people in their community 

Mathematical theory and application is rooted in the ancient histories of people and empires of color

​Where does power and oppression show up in our math experiences?

How has math been used to resist and liberate people and communities of color from oppression?

Gravity is culturally oppressive, By accepting the white definition of gravity as 'a law,' it oppresses people of color and people who see gravity as more of a suggestion.   [I made this up]

This can't be real. If it is, I'm even more glad I don't have kids.


New York City attacks the First Amendment with a $250,000 fine for saying "Illegal Alien." This is patently unconstitutional and will fall with the first lawsuit.




This is a 1979 left handed Fender antigua Stratocaster.
Underneath is my well-played 1977, which is my favorite.
I want this guitar very badly.
The guitar store wants $4,000 plus shipping (from Japan). The guitar is worth maybe half that. This is the major problem with being left handed.
I am sad.

1979 lefty Fender antigua Stratocaster

my 1977 lefty Fender antigua Stratocaster

2018 Fall Philly Guitar Show

As decreed by our forefathers: Page, Hendrix, Beck, and Zappa, we must find any excuse to attend any event of any type, featuring guitars, or at least pictures of guitars. Women are really good too - at the shows and in general.

As we remember, it is fall, but the Philly Guitar Show is not held in Philly. It's in Oaks, just past King of Prussia. For some reason, King of Prussia is absolutely hilarious to anyone not from the area. Taking that into consideration, I shall not mention the Philly lane called Street Road.

As happens more often than not, it wasn't exactly a great event for lefties. However, there was still a lot to see to keep things interesting: tons of pedals, vintage and some new amps, and the perennial Greyhound rescue group. The dogs are pretty chilled out and sweet. Drop a few bucks in their jar and help the no longer needed racing dogs.

There were some exceedingly vintage guitars to be seen: some clearly for sale, some without any tags. I felt like a real idiot, taking pictures of them, not that this stopped me. I do this all for you. Do I sound sufficiently genuine?

First thing I almost bought was a leather handle to replace the one that failed catastrophically on a tweed amp. Something about a $50 leather handle forced me to leave it there.


The Taylor booth is always a lot of fun, even for lefties. Martin brought a cutaway lefty too - there is no upcharge for lefties.

new Taylor T5 and acoustic

Next is a real gem: an actual lefty Jimi Hendrix Monterey Strat. The originals were lefty, but the cheaper production models were backwards.

lefty Jimi Hendrix Monterey Strat

lefty 1965 Strat. Only $6995. A bargain at half the price!

lefty 1965 Strat




lefty Ric bass - think McCartney post Beatles

lefty Ric bass

lefty German Hofner bass - think McCartney Beatles

lefty Hofner German bass

a 2004 lefty Gretsch - check out the flame

lefty 2004 Gretsch

Here's a normal recent lefty Gibson SG

lefty recent Gibson SG

This is a one-off lefty PRS conversion, done by Paul Reed Smith himself and documented by a letter from Paul. This was before PRS did lefty guitars.

lefty PRS conversion

PRS just put out a lefty SE series guitar (made offshore, very reasonably priced). Here are two very expensive PRSes, American made, in less than attractive finishes.

expensive lefty PRS 1

expensive lefty PRS 2

That does it for the properly-oriented guitars. Next up, the backwards righty guitars.

This is a 1958 Stratocaster in really great shape. It's around the period I really like. I played one and it was pure magic.

1958 Strat

Here's what's described as a 1958-61 Strat. Perhaps it has multiple personalities. Perhaps some days it identifies as a banjo.

1958-61 Strat

This is a 1968 Telecaster. It's a rare 2 tone sunburst.

1968 Tele

vintage Gibson Firebird. No identification.

vintage Firebird

Gibson Les Paul TV Special. It was referred to as TV because it was always played in front of the TV. I make it up as I go along.

Les Paul TV Special

Gibson Les Paul SG -  this is a very old, special guitar, with the SG body shape before it morphed to the Les Paul shape we know and love. Referred to as Les Paul because Les Paul, a famous guitar player, got an endorsement. Les was the father of the electric guitar, an inventor and recording genius.

Les Paul SG

Gibson ES-345 (I think). The Custom Made plate was standard. It's in really good shape.

Gibson ES-345

If you're set on cousins, you can buy this 1961 dot ES-335. Dot denotes the fretboard markers. I believe this is a very desirable year.

The apple of my eye - a 1979 antigua Strat, the mirror image of my #1 guitar. I call it pukeburst. The best of avocado green and harvest gold.

1979 antigua Strat - pukeburst

You can never get enough pukeburst, so here's a matching acoustic. As you can see, there was a lot of variation in pukeburst. There are actually reissues, but they look even worse, if you can imagine that.

acoustic pukeburst

If the above two are pukeburst, the Japanese produced this shitburst. This is the kind of education one cannot get in school. Even private school.

Japanese shitburst

The expensive stuff starts here. These are two old Les Pauls and an SG

Les Pauls and an SG

You don't see a lot of 1969 Les Pauls

1969 Les Paul

This guitar is very special: a 1958 sunburst Les Paul so special, it has a name. Charlie. There's a great story behind this but I don't know it. There were about 3 lefties made during this period. I played one and it was decent. A fellow named McCartney has one. The other is in the US. Guitar Loons keep track of this kind of thing, even assigning names to them. These guitars are the Holy Grail: Jimmy Page has a few, Joe Walsh, and anybody who is anybody. One of the most famous Les Pauls of all time was Peter Green's (Fleetwood Mac, when they were a blues band), which he gave to Gary Moore. Gary's estate? (RIP) sold it to Kirk Hammett for about $2 mil.

1958 burst Les Paul - Charlie

It's a Les Paul. It's old. I can't see the writing on the tag and none of us can afford it. Note the single coil pickups. 

old Les Paul with single coil pickups

a 1952 Les Paul. This is a very old guitar. At only $10k, you can afford to buy a few. Why is it only $10k? How should I know.

1952 Les Paul

a 1960 Les Paul Special, refinished from sunburst. This lowers the value.

1960 Les Paul Special refin

1959 Les Paul Special - to go with your 1960 Les Paul Special above. Your wife's shoes match - why shouldn't your guitars? Notice the grain.

1959 Les Paul Special

There's a lot to be said about new Gibsons too, mainly that this rack contains many pointy ones. Flying V, Moderne, and Explorer are some names Gibson used. Notice the split headstock on the first guitar. This came about due to Barry Gibson using the scroll saw while drunk.  The founder, Orville Gibson, was a lefty, which explains why they're so hard to find.

a rack of pointy new Gibsons

enough Gibsons - let's see more Fenders

1955 Strats aren't too common. It's one of the first years for them. However, something about this one isn't sitting right - the finish, for one. The bakelite plastic parts tend to disintegrate over time. The pickguard is suspiciously new looking.

1955 Strat

How about a 1963 Strat. 1963 was a great year. How do I know? I don't. You can tell from the sticky this one has MOJO. Judging by the price ($16k), they charged extra for it. It really does speak to some of us.

1963 Strat with MOJO

1956 Esquire. Esquires became Telecasters after whoever owned the Esquire name sued Fender. Note that the Esquire only has one pickup, in the rear. Teles have one in the front too. Jeff Beck was a famous Esquire player. Jeff Beck could make a trashcan sound good.

1956 Fender Esquire

Another Holy Grail: a 1952 Telecaster. At only $55k, it's a steal. It's also a block of 1952 houses. This is so early in production, it still has diapers. Some of the guitars were labeled early or late in the year. Because everybody knows that in 1953, Jose Rosenstein started falling over from the paint fumes, so you want an early 1952 Fender.

1952 Tele

Danny Gatton (RIP) was the best unsung guitar hero in the world. The man was a master of many genres and entertained people all over the world. He worked with Fender on a Danny Gatton Telecaster and here is his #1. At $50k it's true history. The production guitars had 2 pickups instead of 3, but they were still Joe Barden pickups. These sounded authentic but were no-hum pickups. Next to this was a very early prototype. You'll have to take my word for it because, for some reason, I didn't take a picture. It might've been the guy who kept getting in front of me. If you read anything about anybody getting seriously injured at the show, I had nothing to do with it.

Danny Gatton's #1 Tele

1966 Telecaster is another fairly rare guitar, especially when it could be a 1967 too. The 1966 Tele came directly after the 1965 Telecaster, and was going for $6600. I like the color and condition. It remains backwards on purpose.

1966-67 Tele

a 1954 Stratocaster is pure unobtainium. Even I am ok with holding off til 1958. This will set you back $32k. Notice the front pickup cover disintegrating. Leo Fender obviously didn't do any age testing on his plastic. Leo was quite a frugal guy and wanted to produce a good product at a reasonable price. Leo also couldn't play an instrument, much like Cobain. This may be the first year for Strats.

1954 Strat

here's a 1961 Esquire to go with the 1956 Esquire a few guitars up. The finish has more character, which is a polite way of saying it's f-ing trashed. This is not a bad thing with guitars, although the nicer examples will be more expensive. This example is $11k. For your amusement is the 1968 neck for $1850. By way of comparison, you can get licensed Fender necks starting at under $200 (obviously they're NOT THE SAME).

1961 Esquire

One of the early effects boxes for guitar was the Electro Harmonix Big Muff (and Little Muff - submit tasteless comments to the comments section). This box made your guitar sound like it was roaring out of a cranked Marshall amp. It was incredibly popular. It is said that Jimi used one, which is no doubt due to some kind of time warp: Jimi died in 1970, before the Muff came out. 

For some reason, Big Muffs were also made in Russia. What no one will tell you is that this is the beginning of the Russian meddling in elections plan. They started with guitar effects. It turned out to be a piss poor plan because guitar players are frequently stupid and can't always find their way to the polling place. Or even remember what day of the week it is.

Notice the lovely and consistent Russian design ethic. The exquisitely round black knobs. The bigass footswitch. They also run on batteries that you can't even get in Russia anymore (I made that up).

Russian Big Muffs

On the way out of the show, something caught my eye. It was my finger and it hurt like hell.

Also on the way out, I saw this interesting booth. They were displaying some products from 360 Systems, an early synthesizer company. The piece of equipment that blew me away was Frank Zappa's prototype guitar synthesizer. I was in the presence of greatness! The gents at the booth didn't have exact specs or functions but noted that there were definitely 360 Systems products involved inside. It was obviously never completed. They have much more Zappa equipment. I hope we'll all get a chance to see it and hear about it. It has a lot of labeled functions and a keypad whose function no one can guess. Had it gone to completion, it would be called something like the Oral Cement Grungalizer.

Frank Zappa prototype guitar synth

Not to be outdone, this is Steve Howe's (Yes) prototype guitar synthesizer. All of them were described as tracking really poorly, due to the method of conversion.

Steve Howe prototype guitar synth

There were 300 ARP Avatars made. They were specifically for guitar. The giveaways are the lack of keyboard and the guitar input.

ARP Avatar guitar synth

Last but not least is the 360 Systems Guitar Synthesizer, built from lessons learned through the Zappa and Howe experiments.

360 Systems Guitar Synth

The gents at the booth also mentioned having a bit of Keith Emerson's rig. 

More as I find it.

There was every kind of effects box you'd ever want. There were wood guitar shape pick holders, unfinished bodies, ridiculously cheap guitars, effects from one transistor to $450 current technology, parts, a Bludotone head (Carlos Santana uses one now), designed as a copy of the rare and horribly expensive Dumble amp, which can be had on the used market now and then for five figures. The price goes up every time Robben Ford, Larry Carlton, or Stevie Ray Vaughan sneezes. There was the famous SRV Leslie, plus a few smaller varieties.  Strings and colored strings could be had, as well as great t-shirts and replacement windows. I suspect someone thought this would be a good idea, and it would be if the gathering included anything but guitar players. It expanded a bit since the last few times and it was a blast.

In the same bleak industrial park-like place were a few food joints. We discovered Cheeseburger Cheeseburger. The burgers were quite good, and we had some real knockout shakes (mine was brownie batter). No Coke - Pepsi. Recommended.

And that ends the Guitar Jones for 2018. The next Philly show is June or July, so if I remember to take pictures and can drag myself to putting them in a page, you'll all see them.

when I hit the spell checker button, it will promptly cough and die

Guitar Players: More Options

This might be interesting to guitar players, especially lefties. Normal people have to decide for themselves.


There's never been a better time to be a lefty guitar player.
This is what we call hyperbole.
Let's just say it's an interesting time to play guitar in general. Music is widely available, there's tons of information on YouTube, including pretty difficult songs to play and demos of gear. And makeup tips.


This missive was spawned by a number of developments by Fender. For the longest time, lefties could not purchase any offset Fender (Jaguar, Jazzmaster, etc). Fender has a configurator on their site, where you can pretty much build your own guitar. They just added a lefty option for the Jazzmaster. Regardless of which Fender you want, you should go play with it, to see what you can come up with for your 'dream guitar'. Your choices are Jazzmaster, Stratocaster, Telecaster, P Bass and J Bass; all available left-handed. You can choose wood, finish, hardware, pickups, and neck shape (you can choose a C neck or a slightly larger C neck).

Speaking of offsets, Fender also announced most of the offsets are available on a one time only basis from Fender Japan. You leave a deposit now and they deliver the guitar at the end of the year.

Speaking as myself, which is pretty much the end of the list of people for whom I can speak, I'm not as excited as some offset fans. If I were going to order one (or several) it would be because I wanted them for the collection. After looking and listening, I'm not sure an offset will fit sonically. The output of the pickups is down below my beloved Strat and the guitars sound kinda plinky, lacking sustain. While this may work perfectly for surf music and whatever else, it won't work for me. You don't see many blues and classic rock artists with offset Fenders. Cobain had a modified Jaguar, but he wasn't exactly know for tone. Oddly enough, you can buy a Cobain model (unless you're a lefty, talk about irony).

My big problem... well... the one I'll admit to... is the neck. There are two very important specifications to me: shape and radius. Radius is the curve of the fretboard. The lower the measurement, the more curved the board. The shape is literally the shape of the neck, from the side of the fretboard, around the back to the other side of the fretboard.  Back when Fender first started (1950s), the necks were huge, with a 7.25" radius, and a large V-shape. I grew up with late 70s Fenders, which were very similar to the vintage ones. Fender now refers to this neck as a U shape (I think - they're weird). You cannot purchase this neck on a stock Fender, including the Mod Shop. I spoke to Fender and was told if I don't like the C neck on all of their stock guitars these days, I'm screwed.

Fender has a long history of reproduction guitars, lately 50s, 60s, and 70s. Every time they do this, they mess up an important feature. The current 50s 'correct vintage' Strat has a fairly accurate neck shape, with a 9.5" radius, which was not made in the 50s. So it's somewhat less than correct vintage. Fender is obviously not bothered by this. In fact, only the crazies (who would that be?) are upset. There are U neck guitars available from Fender Japan, which I am investigating. The hurdle here seems to be a very large body of water, plus an exchange rate.


WHAT OTHER CHOICES DO I HAVE?

Glad you asked. Or I would have had to stop typing at the last paragraph.
If you like Fenders, your other choice is custom parts or custom guitars. I'd recommend you check Nash Guitars, somewhere up the the Northeast US, available on Reverb and a few stores. They are very vintage-correct and feel great (ok, the one I picked up backwards in a store). I can't help you with custom guitars, as there are way too many people who do this.

Parts are where it's at if you read this far. The biggest would have to be Warmoth. They have one of everything, at least. You can purchase stock guitars bodies or necks. You can also configure your own. Each step is explained, so you aren't going in blind. The stock necks start at about $150 and go way too far up, depending on whether you need African Pink Cocobora accents with a roasted quarter-sawn maple fretboard, and solid gold inlays of upright vacuums. There is no price difference for lefty or righty. The bodies in stock range from $260 to $600, but again, this is highly variable, depending on whether you like an in-stock body or designing your own.

Warmoth's options for designing your own body and neck go down to minute details. One of the reasons is that you can order what you specified right at the end. Each option has help available, so you're not scratching your head and squinting thoughtfully, in case anyone walks by. I read that your order does not come complete or built. They expect you to get the finish off the frets and put everything together. There may be an option for getting everything done for you but I haven't looked for it.

There is some wild stuff available. You can get wood you've never heard of or seen from countries you've never heard of or seen. Your neck will consist of one piece or a neck and a fretboard, depending on options. You can pick 2 different woods. Some are very colorful, with tonal details explained. You can pick Vintage, Modern, or Hybrid basic designs. This dictates which options you can select. For instance, the 7.25" radius is not available on Vintage, but is on Modern. There are a ton of options for radius, as well as compound radius, where it starts as 10" and goes to 16" at the end. Finished or non, gloss or satin or vintage stained. Even fretboard inlay shapes and colors. The necks are available in many shapes like current, V, soft V, boatneck, thin, and others. Keep in mind that you need to have some idea what shape you want: you can't return it easily. My problem is that I can't find anywhere to play anything other than stock Fender necks. In the fifth largest area in the US, there is nothing but garbage to be seen. Almost zero vintage.

The bodies are where most of the fun is. You can choose most popular body shapes for guitar or bass. Choose the wood, cap if you want it; clear or color finish; transparent, burst, or metallic colors. Mount the pickups on a standard pickguard or to the body. Most kinds of whammy bar. Lots of pickups, mostly Duncan (I like them). Tons of goodies.

When you're done, don't forget the hardware. You have a wide choice of these or you can get them and install yourself.

Again, when you're bored, sit down and have some fun configuring your dream neck and guitar.

Lots of people tell me to just go to Warmoth when I complain about Fender not having what I want. Warmoth is not a bargain outlet. Fender has a few necks they will sell you for exorbitant amounts, which Warmoth happily beats, but if you want one item different from stock, you will pay. Warmoth also supplies some necks to Fender.

For example:
Both guitars are configured as alike as possible, with no extras.
A Mod Shop Fender Stratocaster, lefty or righty, basic options, will cost $1699.
A Warmoth lefty or righty body is $370, body/pickups/hardware is 682.35.  The neck is about $262 without hardware. The grand total is $944.35 plus other stuff.  The difference is $754.65 plus whatever hardware you need and assembly for the Warmoth.  Neither of the prices can come down much, unless you use in-stock bodies and necks at Warmoth, and no body finish.

Or FUN STUFF:
If I changed from the basics on the Fender, it would still be $1699.
My Big Fun Ultimate Quilt Maple Cap, blue stain finish body is $715; $1067 with pickups+hardware. The neck, one piece flame maple is $416 plus tuners, for a grand total of $1483. If money was the only criterion, I'd save about $200 with Warmoth and get exactly what I wanted. Fender would essentially be a stock Fender that was expensive, with zero options for a neck I would play. Oddly enough, neither of these guitars had a lefty upcharge.



Another place I'd highly recommend is USA Custom Guitars. I haven't purchased anything from them yet, but I know stories of customer service and humanity far beyond regular retail.



your mileage may vary

Crunchy Turfroggy

Are you considering buying a 'smart' device for your kid? Take this quiz first.
Are you ready for Black Friday? Here are some security tips. Good, basic stuff.

• Viagra has been found in the South Korean presidential offices. No idea why this is a problem, but I urge the South Korean president to keep it up.

The creator of the Broadway musical Hamilton has said that Donald Trump is welcome to attend. In completely unrelated news, a new character has been added to the musical, John Wilkes Booth.

• An Australian woman who abandoned fourteen cats which ate each other is being charged with cruelty. I think the lady should be put in prison and forced to eat her cellmate but I don't make the laws. This also proves that all your suspicions about cats are true.

Remember Tomagotchis? The stupid little video 'pets' on a stupid little electronic device? They recently turned twenty. Tomagotchis were one of the early signs that civilization, as it were, was doomed. Kinda like a 1990s version of reality television.

• Obama gave out 'Medals of Freedom' the other day. He choked up when presenting one to Ellen DeGeneres. This is one time I feel solidarity with Obama - I'd choke giving her an award too, except possibly 'Most Annoying Voice'. Or the 'Who Thinks She's Funny' medal, referred to as the Seinfeld Award.

The British government's chief whip keeps a tarantula on his desk. Apparently this is a problem. It turns out the government cannot figure out what a 'whip' is. Meanwhile the whip, in an effort to minimize governmental trauma, has offered to exchange the tarantula for his other pet, a black widow.

• Donald Trump looks like he will appoint Nikki Haley, democratic governor from South Carolina, as ambassador to the UN. The appointment is dependent on her changing her name to something less porn star-ish. Trump's rationale is to put her where she can do the least damage and the UN would be the definition of least damage.

Turkey's president, Tayyip Erdogen, has fired 15,000 state employees since the attempted coup in July. Since the US gives billions of dollars to most countries, I'm all for sending a few his way, in exchange for a consulting job for the US government. The savings will more than make up for the 'aid'.

• Retailers, not satisfied with Black Friday sales, are offering them even earlier, proposing a number of changes for the Thanksgiving season:
• Black Friday will hereafter be known as Black November
• In a bid to appear magnanimous and sensitive to Family, retail employees will no longer have to work all Thanksgiving day; allowing them to eat dinner with their families, between the hours of 2am and 3am.
• For the safety of customers and employees, armed guards will be posted at all entrances, equipped with flash-bang grenades and tear gas, in case the special deal on the one remaining flat-screen tv causes a riot. Snipers will also be positioned on the top shelves of the toy aisles, if any customer draws notice to an item being out of stock. Customer Service personnel will be issued handguns and pepper spray and informed that any refunds will come out of their paychecks.

Ex-CIA General David Petraeus indicated he will serve in Donald Trump's administration if asked. While a position has not been named, two possibilities are Secretary of Secretaries and Secretary of Affairs.

• As if the holidays were not depressing enough for some people, the New Kids on the Block/Paula Abdul tour is now on the road, nicknamed "The Sad, Sick, and Lonely, Suicide Tour" As if that weren't enough to push you over the edge, Wendy 'Frankenstein' Williams and Jerry Seinfeld are also touring, creating a torture chamber near you.

Hey, are you longing for that Tesla but simply can't afford it? Simply hack the mobile app and steal it!

• In another bit of Governmental Fun, this time a Navy laptop was hacked, to the tune of 130,000 current and former sailors (personal information, including Social Security numbers). It's a good time to be in some sort of governmental employment. And when I say good, I mean Get the F- Out.
• Just in case you're still hungry for leaks after Thanksgiving, State Farm, Sheet Metal Workers Union, and Anchor Loans were discovered to have leaky databases. No word on how much data, if any, was stolen.

Faceyspaces has developed a censorship application, so it can get back into China. Keep in mind that if they can censor this particular information, they can censor virtually any information. What a tool this could be, eh?

While we're on the topic, the CEO of Reddit decided to relieve some pressure by messing with some messages, taking out his name and replacing it with moderators of /r/the_donald for about an hour, then admitting to it. This is an international site, with all sorts of user interaction and contributions. Also a site using censorship. The /r/pizzagate subreddit was just shut down because it's 'fake news'. By fake news, they mean user-investigated information into pedophiles and Satanic Ritual Abuse among elites in the government. Coincidence? The group moved to voat.com, where you can find all the information. This is not tinfoil hat. This is tinfoil hat stuff that was known and talked about for years and the facts are just leaking out, via the Wikileaks John Podesta emails. Don't take my word for it - do the research. My own relatives were shocked when they did.

• There is now a 'smart trash can', complete with smart phone app. I do not dare even go to its site but one can only wonder what kind of capabilities it has....
• alerts when can is full
• calls trash removal service to pick up
• lets you know you ordered more proprietary bags
• 'intelligently sorts' trash from recyclables, which means it will separate candy wrappers from wax paper and mistake tin cans for paper because of the labels. It will also spank the cat if it uses too much litter.
• When hacked, approximately fifteen minutes after it is plugged in, it will surrender all of your credit card information and start to hack the Pentagon. When the CIA drops by, it will sit there and pretend to be a dumb trash can.

I just found the new love of my life on reverb.com (a sort of Ebay for musicians). It's a 1958 left-handed Fender Stratocaster, at the bargain price of $35,000. Mrs lefty said to go ahead! The only remaining question is where we're going to live when we sell the house.

Recording Lately

This post is mostly relevant to musicians. Read at your own risk.


I spent a recent evening in a commercial recording studio.
This was a really interesting experience for a number of reasons... I used to own a very small, private studio where my group used to record for sales at shows and radio play. It was a nice change not to have to be the musician and run everything at the same time. Plus scream at the equipment when it refused to do its job, which it did frequently.

So it's been forever (15 yrs?) since I've been near recording equipment. This is forever in Equipment Time. Here's the main difference: there is no more tape! Everything is recorded to computers these days, using a program called Pro Tools. Unfortunately this takes place using Macs. I did warn the studio guys to keep them away from me, lest my skin burn or the Macs start to do Weird Stuff.  True to form, one of the machines refused to work for a while at first. Proximity? Who knows.

Then there are the digital mixing boards with what appears to be way fewer channels than needed. And the large-ish displays, where all the action happens. Oh yeah, and those weird Mac chiclet keyboards with the odd mice or normal trackballs. So the recording, metering, mixing and editing all happen onscreen.

In the Old Days, you had to literally slice tape to make certain edits. Today, you just perform simple computery actions onscreen - copy, paste, drag, etc. There's a pretty steep learning curve but there's a lot of power there. In the beginning, there was mono recording - everything went to a cylinder (ancient), directly to a record, or to a reel to reel tape machine. You had to perform as a solid unit (band) with the mics just right because there were no second chances. Eventually there were two track machines for stereo. If you had more than one, you could 'bounce' the two tracks to the other machine, giving you a third track to overdub. Next were the 4 track machines, 8 track, 16 track and 24 track. The tape got wider too, up to two inches on a 24 track deck. This was industry standard for many years, plus you could sync up two 24 track machines if you needed more. (A Stupid History of Recording)

With digital recording there is no tape (duh) and the number of tracks is limited only by the computer, RAM, and hard drive space. This is obviously a huge leap over tape.

Then there are effects. You used to see huge racks of Very Expensive Boxes, which were effects (reverb, delay, etc). This is mostly done now by Pro Tools plugins(!), plus a few external, high quality or specific function rack gear. The plugins are a great piece of technology, ranging from basic reverb to all sorts of plugins designed to emulate one specific effect box from the past. This is all brought to us by faster processors and well-written software.

When you do a take, it shows up onscreen on a graph with squiggly lines, representing the input. You can then record an alternate take instead of the first one, record an additional take (or six) or leave it. After you're reasonably satisfied with the performance, you listen. If you have more than one take, you can use parts of any numbers of takes to make a 'perfect' track, without destroying any of the previous performances. It's all done with copy/paste. Here's another great capability: you can also MOVE things, down to individual notes, in time. If your rhythm is off, you can move it to where it's exactly on. This comes in handy when you're rhythm-impaired (like someone I know whose name rhymes with meftystrat). It's too cool. It can be done manually or automatically (I think).  I didn't see any serious correcting but I believe you can change pitch and all sorts of stuff when needed (Miley). Most of this would be done externally or would be downright impossible with tape. Most of the rest that I observed was your Standard Stuff for Studios, like mics, mic placement, the correct amps/tone and performance.

ASIDE: there is a tremendous amount of power and choice available with this equipment. You can even get a smaller version of it for an iPad. This is available to almost everyone, wherein lies the problem. ANYONE can use it to put out great stuff (or Product). This means any idiot can put anything down. The other side of power is way too many choices and Analysis Paralysis, where you get stuck deciding which performance or edit is the best and how you want it to fit together. You can turn one track into days of assembly.

I was privileged to be called in on this session because my best friend and I wrote the song and wanted to update our crappy original recording of it. I couldn't believe how good it sounded. Plus there were some improvements instrumentally and vocally.

The studio had a really large, interesting array of guitars and amps. The guitars were all backwards but I brought my #1 Strat anyway. We spent a while getting the right amps for the right tones. The song is Beatle-esque so we went with what they used - a Vox AC30 (recent, with master volume). There were two tracks here: a basic rhythm, bluesy track and a one-hit (chinky) rhythm. Both came out really well with the AC30 and different Strat pickups/settings.

For the lead track, I messed with the Vox but it wasn't giving my what I wanted (even though I wasn't exactly sure what I wanted). The Studio Dudes were talking up their Orange 50w Rockoverb (or something like that). I was hoping for a low-powered older Fender but what the hell - why not try things? I plugged in and the amplifier immediately started to put out this horrendous noise (which wasn't my playing). We examined all sorts of potential issues but decided that wasn't the solution. I tried a pretty cool boutique stereo Swart amp. Very simple controls and it would have worked nicely for the rhythm tracks but not for the lead. After a bit of thought, he hauled out the big weapon: 100 watts of solid Marshall power. Since I have a Marshall (and the dog called Marshall), I had some familiarity with the beast. I tried not to use a lot of grind because the track didn't call for it. After a few takes, he suggested we turn up the grind, The beauty of almost unlimited tracks is you can do many many takes of a part, using different tones, to decide what you like best. We like the dirty version. Because, you know... I like it dirty.

So here comes the fun part,,, I worked out a pretty cool, melodic solo and started playing it. After a few takes, I noticed a funny look on my friend's face, like he ate some bad fruit or something.. not quite a lemon but close. He asked could I get it closer to the original we recorded 15 years ago. Alrighty then. I have NO IDEA what I did 15 years ago. He said he emailed the older version. The only problem was that I never received it. So he played it on his phone and I had to 'learn' it in the studio. Since I'm a quick study, it fortunately went well.  In the end we had quite a few takes and assembled the best whole solo from two or three individual takes. You couldn't do this with tape unless you were incredibly good (and somewhat out of your tiny little mind). All with cut and paste.

So I left with a rough mix, which sounded pretty cool.

What did we learn?
We learned that all sorts of interesting things can be done with this new-fangled digital recording.
We also learned that someone has a slight timing problem that can be partially fixed onscreen. I don't think all that highly of my own playing, so this was a bit of a blow. However, I was invited back, so that works nicely.

I also saw this little lunchbox in person, called a Kemper profiling amplifier. Even though I'm a hardcore technology buff, I can't figure out how this works. You play the desired amplifier into it and it profiles it, making it available to you as a preset. So you can emulate your expensive vintage amp and not have to use it again. Obviously it won't be EXACT but I hear great things about it. I'll try one eventually.


All in all it was quite an experience. I look forward to more.