Volkswagen Emissions

Volkswagen is in trouble because the sensors in some of their diesel cars were calibrated to cheat on US emissions tests. This is a huge scandal across the globe and even huger because the US has some of these cars. With schnitzel on its face, the CEO of Volkswagen called a press conference, during which he said he was "endlessly sorry" and the firm "totally screwed up."  He apologized for the mistake (shades of BP Oil). Much like the BP Oil press conference, his sincerity was called into doubt when he kept crossing his fingers in front of his chest. He apologized most profoundly, on behalf of Volkswagen, for their error (in getting caught) and blamed it on a small clerical error (of 11 million cars). He had no idea how this could have happened (getting caught) and would instigate a full investigation (into how they got caught).  He was on the verge of tears because the major shareholders (including Porsche) wanted his posterior in a sling (because they wanted a CEO who could avoid getting caught).

Reaction was swift from all over the globe: Germans hid their heads in shame, Israel wanted to purchase the cars on discount, Syria offered to send 100,000 refugees, and General Motors, which just got caught putting exploding ignition switches in their cars and received a paltry fine, has made a lowball offer to purchase Volkswagen. Their brief pitch to VW's shareholders included the fact that even when they did get caught, it didn't make a difference.

The CEO got caught leaving the company yesterday.

More Stuff from Work

I haven't done an update about the Twilight Zone<tm> lately, so I thought I'd fill you all in on what's up.

Firstly, although I am not a member of the Helpdesk Team, I'm on their Funny List.  Here are some genuine subject lines from my friends at the Helpdesk:

• I am a pc in the Bethlehem office.
• We have a computer that lost its email.
• ..cannot get on her internet.
• unable to get cursor back to normal static
• I have getting regular messages
• every other day my outlook get corrupted..
• I deleted my icon for Outlook and I need it back
• Updating Windows to 8 or 9
• I had a phone that their email yesterday
• I am have issue with my Outlook.
• needs 3 pc's builded
• My laptops has a few virus on it
• We've been using an old Microsoft Access program for over twelve years...
• I fix it by myself.
• one of are computer is having a problem with the screen
• It is making a loud blowing sound.
• I am continuously have this box....
• My anti-vial software is out of date....
• I just purchased and I phone....
• Will be possible if I get bigger monitor
• I think I just deleted all my files...
• Are internet is down.

See - I don't have to make this stuff up; my coworkers are that good.

While warning a new hire to duck when the Nerf Wars start or the dart guns came out, I discovered that another of my number does not approve of the blowdarts.  He didn't exactly explain why but was quite adamant in his position that he'd call the police the next time they came out.

Call the police?

What's wrong with a friendly stress-buster blowdart game?  Even if you suck them, they don't fly backwards; so his complaint, while severe (and stupid) has no merit.


But let us wade from the cool, still waters of Helpdesk and Blowdarts to an area close to my heart: Security.
Several years ago, with management's blessing, I put together a desktop security policy.  Just the other day I discovered that the CEO saw the policy, ripped it up, and to make matters that much more silly, told no one.

I'm guessing the corporate security policy is going to take a bit longer in committee than I thought.