UFOs - Under my Bed!!

• I'm really impressed by people giving back. There are countless stories of people giving back to their college by providing scholarships.
• Now it's my turn: I'm providing 2 scholarships to No College, which I attended immediately after high school.
• British schools have lost over a million dollars because the donor wanted his money to go to people of his own background. Interesting article.

Dear lefty:

• Are you going to pursue schooling this year, like you said?
• I said schoolgirls.

Speaking of UFOs, NIST, the National Institute of Standards and Technology, just digitized the bullets that killed JFK. It's been 50 years, so there's a tiny sad giggle factor to this. This is actually an interesting, possibly (eventually) helpful idea. They're using the 2 fragments from the actual bullets from the neck and back of the head. They also include the 'stretcher bullet,' which was found lying near Governor Connally's stretcher.

If you step back and take a look, you see an interesting see-saw effect. On the one side, things are being done to research, store, and solve. On the other side.. well... it's less of a see saw effect than half a see saw effect. One side moves up and down, while the other side stays unmoving.

• Grinch Award, 2019 Closeout: Special Olympics NY hacked, phishing emails sent to donors. 

Dear Wife:
I send you this brief note not in the spirit of apology, but in the spirit of explanation. You prepared your famous Mexican dip, with the beans, cheese, and salsa. I had a small taste this morning.  It was even better than I remember. I will be incommunicado while I finish the last 75% of it. After that, try looking for me in the bathroom.  Love, lefty.

• A study found apps don't provide reliable help for suicide prevention.
• Ummm... perhaps we're relying just a hair too much on apps. Yes, absent any care whatsoever, in minimal cases, the apps can help. Don't get your psych advice from an app. In an emergency, wrong numbers for hotlines aren't helpful.
• I don't get help from plumbing apps, so if I'm having trouble, I'll likely use my phone to actually call for help.

Curious as to how the PinePhone is coming along? The $149 phone with no connections to Google or Apple? Here's what 4 different operating systems look like running on it. You can put whichever you like on it, or others. Just wait til the developers are done and it's ready for prime time.

• Go surfing. You do it all day long. Those cookie notices that get in your way are a PITA. Today's was my favorite: We care about your privacy.
• If you cared about my privacy, you'd leave me alone and eat your own cookies.

We're learning about Stealth technology. We're learning about how it was made (tested at Area 51). Some of the Stealth aircraft have been retired. Retired.. yet we're just hearing their stories. This work is many years old. The SR-71 Blackbird was used by the Air Force from 1964 to 1998. So what is in the chute now? The Stealth craft have all sorts of 'futuristic' features. What do current generation testing planes have?  I don't think we've seen any of this. Doesn't it make you wonder? [Note: I understand the need for secrecy in certain military projects]

To possibly answer my own question, there are a ton of triangle craft sightings. Remember: UFOs are unidentified. We don't know what they are and where they came from. We don't know who or what is driving them. There's speculation that the triangles are ours.

One thing we don't know (I think): how to go unbelievably fast and make instant 90 degree turns. In current aircraft, if that were possible, we'd become puddles against a side of the cockpit. Bodies can't take that kind of force. Something inside the craft has to nullify this force.

As far as we know, only helicopters hover.
What flew over Phoenix twice hovered and also flew very slowly. Unless we have an impossibly large craft that can hover, it's not ours.

Compare and contrast this with Skunkworks' Ben Rich (Skunkworks did the super secret stuff and Ben was the head), who said something to the effect of having the technology to take ET home.

• Reminder: do NOT stick a USB stick into your computer. At all. Especially if you picked it up somewhere, like on the ground. Or stole it from a friend. You have no idea what's on it, but it could be a really nasty virus. Or something that silently takes over your PC and allows access to Bad Guys.

Today's word is gynecomastia. It means male breast growth.
Why do I bring this up?
Because of the claim that plant-based burgers will cause gynecomastia.
Read the whole article before you die snickering (like I almost did).

"We should not speak so that it is possible for the audience to understand us, but so that it is impossible for them to misunderstand us." Marcus Fabius Quintilianus

• China jails scientists behind first genetically engineered babies.
• and when they say jailed, they mean "gave them houses and larger salaries"

Why is it the attractive women are the ones least suitable for relationships?
On LivePD the cute ones are always the meth chicks (I like em skinny).
And those famous female killers... Amanda Knox, Rachel Wade, Jodi Arias, Casey Anthony... if you saw them on the street, you'd look twice. It's just that one other thing, keeping you from asking.....  These girls just kill me.




Today I identify as  a cocker spaniel

Because I've been relatively good these past few months, I was allowed out of the house. Because I was allowed out of the house, it was gray and rainy. Not because it was gray and rainy, the car's panel sprouted a light that said AUTO. It was a new light. I like new things. Since it said AUTO, it didn't seem threatening. Since Penny wasn't in the car, I couldn't have her sniff it to figure out whether it was friend or foe. I pondered. Then I pondered some more. Then I drifted off to pondering other things, because I have the attention span of a newborn infant, but not quite as much. When I reached down for a drink, I came across a switch. This, too, was a new thing. The switch had a position called AUTO. Hey - that light said AUTO - was it a coincidence? Is anything a coincidence? Are there any coincidences? Not in my car, there ain't.  The switch said 2WD/Auto/blah. I sort of got the gist.. .one position gave the vehicle two wheel drive. The second position was AUTO, and the third shifted us into blah. Aside from blah, I think I had to the situation pretty well in hand. I flipped the switch to 2WD and, as if by magic, the AUTO light went out. Another mystery solved before breakfast. Let us not quibble that it was 3pm.. I still hadn't had breakfast.  Yeah, ok, it's a new to us car. We're still finding stuff in it. Sadly, it's a year older than our existing car, so it has no AUX IN jack either. I am beginning to suspect the brain-radio interface will be standard in cars before I get an AUX IN. To our benefit, the cd player will play data CDs. To my agitation, the humongous library of blank cd's I have contains no blank ones. It was much easier when I worked at places that would give me spindles to take home. So we're stuck in place, with nothing to listen to in two cars but broadcast radio. I know this is a crime somewhere, perhaps according to the Geneva Convention, right after that nazi stuff.

Because we were going to dinner after the mall, all sorts of interesting food and treat places that weren't there before opened. Each one had something I needed desperately. I remain not-paranoid, and at no time did I feel it was personal, as it usually is when they do this to me.

I'm at one of those in between ages.... young enough to go into Spencer's, old enough not to get some of the references. To be fair, the Led Zeppelin shirt was pretty cool, as was the Hendrix. There were some boffo hats.. one was done in the script of the golf ball company Titleist. It said Titties. I have a relative who would piss himself if he saw it, but wouldn't have the balls to wear it while golfing.  The other had was multi-colored, not particularly attractive, and said TRANS on it. Hmmmm..... what are the implications of wearing a Trans hat in public? Well, I'm not really attractive, so people already think there's something 'different' about me. I guess it depends on what they think of trans people. If Mrs lefty wore it, that would confuse people. She's a woman from birth, no doubt. I might need more time on this. If I wear it to work, maybe I can get a promotion. Guess I better find out if Trans people are a protected group or not. It could backfire spectacularly.

*note to trans people: I do not hate you anymore than I hate any other person or group. It's none of my business what you do, or what you might want to do. Go in peace.

There must have been a cell phone giveaway at the mall, because half the people there were talking on them. Keep in mind that I've had cell phones from the Beam Me Up, Scotty style Motorolas, so they're not foreign to me. Welding one to your ear is. I know everyone loves their cell phones, but what kind of conversation absolutely must take place and cannot wait til you're out of the mall?

Maybe the cynics are right when they say tv, then cell phones have changed our lives, mostly our attention span, forever. One guy was in the mall with his sister, talking very loudly about cell phones. He's probably one of those people who talk LOUDLY on cell phones for reasons nobody knows. Mrs lefty does that too. In fact, when she makes a call, she goes down to the sub-basement, where there's a small, padded, soundproofed room, and makes her calls there. I still hear them sometimes. It's wonderful that she's so considerate, though. I'd be horrified and spend my time figuring out how to be quiet enough to not disturb anybody. She tries to get out of earshot. Same effect, I guess. Unless I need her for something, then I have to run a few floors down, to the sub-basement, where she's on the phone, in the small, sound-proofed room. I bang on the door. Still talking. I scream. Still talking. When she finishes the call, several hours later, my eyes are staring at each other and I'm screaming because she hasn't opened the door. She tells me it's soundproofed - she couldn't hear me knock.


I'm looking for words to describe shopping with Mrs lefty.
Ok, start with a short yellow bus, full of 8 year old kids who just had their first coffee and candy bar combo. The bus trip isn't bumpy at all - they're just jumping up and down in their seats. Line them up outside the short bus, in size order, and march them into the store, stopping to tell Jonathan to stop asking the old ladies for cigarettes. Once inside the store, say START SHOPPING and watch them disappear in every possible direction, including up. Up is an interesting choice, as the store has no 2nd floor. Oh well, where there's caffeine, there's a way. Now imagine tracking each one down, across the entire humongous store. Hours later you have them back in line, and head off to shop. Along the way, each one wants to stop at a different display. At the same time. They try this, but never separate, so the loudest tail is wagging the dog, like some extremely large caterpillar with hiccups.

So shopping with Mrs lefty is like that.


Meanwhile, back at the mall....

• The wife keeps disappearing around the corner to shop for new things. I used to chase her, but then I realized I have the shopping cart with her new clothes in it, so she'll find ME.
• After stopping at every display, on the way to look at one thing, I voiced my impatience. "Ok, we'll go where you want to go."  Thank y... she had already disappeared.
• Wife found a really nice top in white. She asks me what I think. I say no, white is merely a canvas for spaghetti sauce. Or ketchup.
• NOTE: it may be 75% off, but 75% off doesn't make it any less ugly.
• The sale section looked like a small nuclear explosion. Wife may have disappeared beneath some disgustingly green pants. At least I hope so, because they're moving.

Men, just give it up. You have exactly zero hope of grokking women's clothes or stores. If you try, it will cause a severe headache, brought on by massive brain hemorrhage. 

It's not enough that women have sizes, they have designations: women's, juniors, seniors, misses, divorced, and On the Hunt. Size 10 can be any actual size except 10. We don't have that problem: our clothes are over there, in the corner, in the Never Mind section. There are 2 pairs of pants, in generic size, plus one pair of shoes, that may or may not fit you. 

No matter what either of you is looking for, it's ugly. Ugly never goes out of style.

I try to learn one thing each time we go shopping. I work through the headache because I'm devoted to knowledge. Unfortunately I'm working against the flawed premise that I will eventually understand the topic. I just realized I'm self-deluded and I should have stopped this years ago... perhaps I just like the pain.

What did I learn?
Follow along - I can see your lids closing and some of you heading for the medicine cabinet...
Last time there, Wife saw a rack of her favorite shirts. I brought her back to get some for xmas. I somehow managed to drag her, quickly, through only 12 stops, to the exact rack. When we finally arrived, I waved my arms expressively, to point out the exact rack... with a completely different set of shirts, bearing absolutely no resemblance to the shirts that were there last time. I stammered, flummoxed.

She looked at me, without pause, and told me they were 'over there'.
Over there?
Yeah, they moved them.
NO, they were HERE.
Yes, they moved them.
How do you know?
They were on sale. Now these are on sale. And they're the wrong size.
Hang on - they change locations and sizes?
Yeah, they're over there.
How do you know?  

She dragged me halfway across the store, and there they were. In a completely different department, next to the mumus the morbidly obese women wear. Is this some sort of female homing device? If the rack were moved into the back room, would women know and storm the back room? I'm kidding - they'd demand their husbands storm the back room. Or worse, ask somebody.



We had a very strange dinner. I was looking around, wondering if the police were going to be involved. Or maybe 13 of the top people in Corporate. We walked in and there was no line. The lady seated us immediately, asking where we'd like to sit. They had everything we ordered. It came out quickly. The waitress was great and sweet. The order arrived as-ordered - no mistakes. We paid, were warmly wished a good evening and happy new year. I thought for sure they were being robbed or something. I kept looking around for the flashing lights, or some hooded people with guns. Or the food inspectors. Maybe aliens. I have no idea, but this sort of thing never happens, so we spent the entire dinner waiting for the other shoe to drop. If you think about it, no dinner we eat at a restaurant is ever going to be good because it's either wrong or it's too good and we're waiting to be poisoned or something...




Heroes of the Stupid

The couple heard noise downstairs, called the police, the guy got his gun, the police arrived. He was called downstairs because his Roomba had switched itself on and was banging into stuff. On the bright side, Google now has his floor plan.


Sharon Stone (yes) was blocked from the dating app Bumble because of several reports that her profile was fake.   In unrelated news, Mrs lefty said Bumble had better not be on my phone.




SJW Meanderings

Transgender man gives birth to non-binary partner's baby with female sperm donor.  If you can follow this, please avoid leaving a comment to explain it to us.

Confuse an Elephant

Google 'really sorry' for humans listening to your conversations. Stopped program. Started it again. Feel safer now?

Among the top 10 most surveilled cities in the world, are 8 in China, plus London and Atlanta, GA. This is based on the number of CCTV cameras per 1,000 people.

Group sex app leaks locations, pics and personal details. Identifies users in White House and Supreme Court   Data leaks are nothing to laugh at. Ok, maybe just this one time....

Windows 10 is now running on over 900 million devices.
... They know this because your pc phones home to Microsoft.




Dear lefty

• You sound... less miserable today
• Not anymore

I love my wife, for so many reasons. Today it's because she talks to all of my relatives. If it weren't for her, I'd have to talk to all of my relatives. Hats off to Mrs lefty! She's like a human firewall.



Today I identify as a writer of children's books. F-cking ankle biters.

• "The meek shall inherit the earth - a 6 foot plot above them." - Robert A. Heinlein

Robert F Kennedy, Jr, has been diligently researching his father's murder.
His claim is security guard Cesar Eugene Thane killed his father, then the CIA led the coverup. The theory was made public on the day Thane died in the Philippines.

We know Sirhan was a Manchurian Candidate, programmed to kill, but have no recollection of it. There were more shots than his his small gun could produce, evidence removed, and shots from the rear. Even a Manchurian Candidate cannot shoot from the front and the rear at the same time.

Best of luck, RFK Jr. You're among the bravest people on the planet (or not wired right); being a Kennedy and researching a Kennedy's death.

My $0.02?  Cesar may have pulled the trigger, but it certainly wasn't his idea. Who is powerful enough to produce a mind-controlled assassin? Definitely the CIA, possibly others. If the CIA wasn't the originating organization, who ordered them to do it? Like his brother, RFK pissed off a lot of powerful people and organizations.

Now imagine you live in a country where very powerful interests can get a very powerful government agency to kill the president of the United States and his brother, a potential democratic candidate for president. Oh wait, you don't have to imagine it.  Stop and think about this for a minute, whether or not you liked the Kennedys...

• British Muslims have run the first ever pride festival.
• It starts on a rooftop and ends on the pavement.

By now, just about everybody on the planet has a reality show. We need to take the next step and I'm here to spark things. We'll call it Tase! The idea is to tune in and watch your favorite celebrities tazed on national tv. The initial promotion is that it's almost a reality show. The back side is that people call in and bid for their favorite celebs to be tazed, with all the profits going to charity. We can have all the rabble who love reality shows, with base human animalism plus charity. It has all the elements. We'll add some attractive models, a decorator mattress for the celebrities to fall on after they get tazed. We'll need a Tazemaster... Someone suggested Judge Judy, but she's the first one to get tazed. That's my only ask.

Speaking of Useless TV, there is an upcoming re-do of Walker, Texas Ranger.
...again, not an original idea in all of Hollywood.

• It's so weird having a dog who just behaves like a dog. We're pretty happy that, although she loves people food, she doesn't try to steal it.
• Until last night, when she cleaned up a plate of cheesecake and ran.

No thank you, I'd rather  watch every Adam Sandler movie in chronological order.

• Multiple suicides on aircraft carrier George H.W. Bush leads to investigation...
• several in the Navy said something bad about Hillary
• the Navy is terrified that Bush will come back from the grave to get them
• disagreement over the word 'seamen'

Sometimes it's almost impossible to get a word with my wife, and it's not because we're married. She's busy (although I'm never sure with what, but she assures me she's busy, and that's good enough for me). Being the clever sort, I discovered a way to make contact every time, without fail:  announce I'm going to be incommunicado, go into my office, and close the door.

This will immediately cause some sort of emergency that can only be solved by knocking on the door or standing there, waving (non-preferred) body parts, as if I can interpret what that means. When I point to the phone I'm using for a call, the gesticulation gets wilder... unfortunately I still can't interpret whatever the waving is about. When it finally sets in that I can't understand the perfectly understandable arm and leg spasms, I will be left alone. Unfortunately this will only last 60 seconds, at which time I'm presented with a note. "I'm going out front to pull weeds."

THIS is why you had to do the Interruption Dance while I was trying to hear the phone conversation?

Well, I had to let you know.

She goes to weed, I get back to my phone conversation. At this point, it's less a conversation than a monologue, as only the other person is speaking.

VOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMM!
That's the sound of weeding. With some sort of nuclear-powered weeder that requires a small brigade of Marines to deliver and install. 

Thank heavens.. the weeder stopped. I can't even hear the Marines packing the beast up. 30 seconds later, she's back and gesticulating. Again.

What is it THIS time?

I just wanted to know.

YES?

Did I disturb you?

Only when you stand near me or are within 20' of the house.

Ok, I'll be quiet.

Bless you, Dear.

BANGBANGBANGBANGBANG
OOPS, sorry. I forgot you were doing something important and was playing with my Barbie Home Jackhammer Kit.

Do you see this phone?

Yes, you're using it for something important.

Do you think you can not use construction equipment for just a few minutes longer?

I'm sorry.

Just remember, this is important.

Ok.

BANGCRASHBANGCRASH SHATTER.

JESUS FC, WHAT IS IT THIS TIME? Bowling with hammers? Tuba tuning?

Well, I was trying to be quiet since you're busy on an important call. I was being very careful and I fell into the pile of old glass decanters your dead relatives gave you in the will.

Good thing you were being quiet. I can't imagine what it would sound like if you weren't.

I promise I won't bother you again. I'll sit on the couch.

Thank you.

WELL WE'RE MOVIN ON UP... TO THE EAST SIDE... TO A DEE-LUX APARTMENT.. IN THE SKYYYYYY

What is that horrible rumble? Did you forget I was on the phone?

Well, I couldn't hear the tv, so I had to turn it up. I can't watch it if I can't hear it.

The city has men outside with sound meters, deciding whether it's noisier at the airport or here. My money's on here. Speaking of my money, may I finish this call?

Sure. I'm sorry. I just wanted to watch tv. I wasn't bothering you. I didn't knock on the door or make hand signals.

I'll get out the Cone of Silence so I can only hear the phone.

CLICK TAP BOOM BOOM CRASH CLICK TAP BOOM BOOM SNAKE NOISE.

I need to go somewhere quiet, like Syria.

Oh, sorry, was I disturbing you? I was just testing out my collection of high volume percussion instruments.

You don't by chance still have your Barbie Home Demolition Kit, do you?

No, I left that in the bulldozer.

Barbie Home Chemistry Explosive Kit?

Haven't seen that in a while.

Barbie Home Dent Hammering Kit?

Thanks for reminding me - I need to work on the car.

No you don't. Will you be quiet?

I promise.

Not a peep?

Nothing.

Thank you.
[finish call]
Dear, where are you? Honey? Darling? Coordinator of Destruction?
[silence]
What's that.. a note...

Dear lefty. You said not to disturb you, so I went to visit my cousins, 3 hours away. I know you wanted to hang out, but I figured you wouldn't mind and I didn't want to disturb you. See you in a few days.

And that's how I get 5 minutes with my wife.




Heroes of the Stupid

A Florida woman was cited after biting a truck stop camel's genitals.
so many questions, so little time....

We're deploying troops to Saudi Arabia. That's stupid from top to bottom.



SJW Follies

James Flynn wrote a book called "In Defense of Free Speech: The University as Censor."  The book has been banned.

Federal judges at the US Court of Appeals went against the FCC:

"did not adequately consider the effect its sweeping rule changes will have on ownership of broadcast media by women and racial minorities."

The decision has no bearing on the fact the the FCC ceased doing anything useful many years ago.

we paid HOW MUCH for this course?

Beating a Dead Politician

Whenever people see a ufo (unidentified - no idea what it is), out comes the Official Denial Squad; usually Seth Shostak (SETI), James Oberg from NASA, and if it's really big, Michael Shermer, head of Skeptic magazine. Although we have no idea what it was (hence unidentified), they already know what it was and that there was a stupidly normal explanation.

One of my favorite Official Denial Squad excuses as to why other species could not be visiting is that their planet would be so far away, they'd never get here. Call me stupid (you wouldn't be the first) but I'd think any civilization that's been around longer than us has some sort of more advanced drive and/or make use of wormholes (which we know about and have not denied).

I am not putting forth an opinion, rather discussing the need for serious investigation. Auto-Denial is not science or investigation.  The old Project Blue Book standby, swamp gas, no longer works to dismiss a sighting.

Let me remind you about the Phoenix Lights, seen by thousands, if not more. The weak denial claimed it was a flare drop (after the claim there were no military aircraft in the vicinity that day). This was a humongous object that hovered and flew slowly, over the 5th largest city in the US. It happened a few years earlier too. If it's ours, there would be simple denial. If it's not... what kind of panic ensued? These things are tracked by NORAD before they get to the US. Rest assured someone knew they were there, whatever they are.

Stephenville, Texas observed a huge craft and had many people reporting it.  Radar returns were obtained. The item of most import to me was that it flew over the Bush ranch before Stephenville. To say this was a no-fly zone is somewhat obvious. Yet was anything said? No. Were there F-15s scrambled? Not that we know. Do our craft hover? Not that we know of. They're also not a mile long, as was reported in Arizona. We are not going to know about very new military tech, so there's that.  Again, not a conclusion, just an appeal for sense.

By merely typing the above, I called into the universe the following action:

Nasa admits ‘tiny super-intelligent’ aliens may have ALREADY visited Earth – and says some UFO sightings ‘cannot be explained or denied’

Something's up.
Nah, the assertions in the article don't seem groundbreaking. He states that not all ufo sightings can be explained. Even the debunkers admit that a certain small percentage can't be explained. Still, worth a read.

I also called into the universe a science-y program called NASA's Unexplained Files last night. Remember the instances of red rain (not the Peter Gabriel song)? The most recent account is from India. Scientists studied the rain and couldn't determine what it was. Finally an Indian scientist (named Godfrey, I think) discovered it was made up of cells that were alive. Electron microscopy showed the cells to be without DNA, which is part of every living thing on earth. Theories were put forth and disproved until someone remembered there was a small asteroid strike shortly before the rain. Scientist got hold of a piece of asteroid and some red rain from the same field and discovered that the cells most likely hitched a ride inside the asteroid (and were obviously extremely hearty). We may have alien life. The cells reproduced rapidly and were not healthy for humans to touch. Interesting to ponder, no?





President Kennedy spoke at Rice University on September 12, 1962, uttering the famous words, in his famous regional accent, "We choose to go to the moon in this decADE and do the other things..."

History speaks reverently about this speech, yet nobody questions what 'the other things' are. It just sits there, a verbal sore thumb, that everyone prefers to forget they heard. I don't blame them - it was bloody JFK. The man has risen to Saint Status. But this is ThermionicEmissions, so we have no choice....

• "We choose to go to the moon in this decade and do a threesome with my brother..."
• "We choose to mount a trip to the moon in this decade and mount Marilyn Monroe..."
• "We choose to go to the moon in this decade, because you never know when your time's up..."
• "We choose to go to the moon in this decade, even if LBJ somehow becomes president [general laughter]..."

Speaking of which, I might not know what I want to be when I grow up, but I know I want to be known by my initials when I die, like JFK, RFK, and LBJ. Also when I'm alive, to be known with a hip middle name, like Stevie Ray Vaughan, and Jimmie Lee Vaughan. Unfortunately I have to change my name, cuz lefty Marshall von Hendrix has no ring of authenticity to it.

• Walmart is getting set to deploy robot floor-moppers. Perhaps because they can't hire employees bright enough to perform this task at $5.50 per hour. Whether it will dress inappropriately or not hasn't been discussed.
• The unforeseen consequence will be insurance rates rising because of old people running their carts into it.

We all knew it was going to happen but we're still surprised it did: The US Military is genetically engineering new life forms to detect submarines. To quote someone or other, "this is some sick shit". The life forms are a cooperative project between Captain Mengele, the military, and Microsoft, so no matter what happens, the NSA and China will have access to it. It will also be the first life form that must be rebooted every week. As technically libertarian as I am, they crossed a boundary.

• I'm a Beth Hart fan. Even critics are Beth Hart fans. You should be a Beth Hart fan too. I don't want to be the one to bring this up, but the lady has a bit of a vibrato problem, like Chrissie Hynde. Don't let that discourage you - give her a listen. Quality..umm... soulful rock (?)

UNIVERSITY YUCKS

San Diego State University is hosting a 'critical look at whiteness' forum.

Some student assertions:

 The Christian cartoon “VeggieTales” is racist because the villains are vegetables of color. The NFL is racist since most players are black and most coaches and owners are white. White women advance white supremacy when they support President Donald Trump.

Immediately following, there will be a 'critical look at blackness' forum.
Some student assertions:  none.. this is the university. They can't find anyone to say anything. Furthermore, the students will firebomb this gathering.

The Christian cartoon "VeggieTales" is racist because not every character is black. The NFL is racist because most of the money goes to the crackers. Black women advance black supremacy when they support Barack Obama.

Please stop.
This was really entertaining when you started. You're now parodies of yourselves.

Again, history will look back on us quizically, with tears in its eyes.

• If only Klinger knew: 27% of the young are too overweight for the military

The fellow(?) who had a Craigslist ad for no strings sex with a housewife, turned out to be a cross-dresser, recorded the 80(!) trysts, and sold them to adult websites. He was just sentenced to a year above the maximum for the crime.  He is very sorry (he got caught) and has had a lot of time to consider his actions (in jail). He is deeply penitent and will return the money to all the men who thought he was a chick (just kidding, he still has the money).

There's just so much going on here... let's start by saying I've never been with a cross-dresser. No, really. She was just a friend. We never played Hide the Salami - I swear. Given that, wouldn't you figure there might be a difference or two between a woman and a man dressing as a woman? Well, first there's the penis. You never find these on women. Well, butt sex is nice and men are stupid, but.... Then there's the facial hair. Sure, some women have facial hair. But it doesn't look like 5:00 shadow facial hair. You don't get rug burn from a blowjob.

Men love breasts. Everybody loves breasts. This guy would be down by two (at very least). Were there copies of Modern Sperm all over the house? Modern Bride? Sports Illustrated (non model issue)? Was there a huge, red Craftsman tool chest in the kitchen? Tampons? A bathroom stuffed so full of cosmetics that he needed another bathroom? Look around, people!

UPDATE: further investigation (I read the words I didn't read the first time) shows that the sex was oral and the 'johns' wore glasses or other eye covering.
(Still... 5:00 shadow)





VACATION

I'm a bit slow. We know this.
I decided to not pay attention to the Kavanaugh/Supreme Court Circus.
To my surprise, the Circus still went on, as did Life in General.
Hey - this is a real Find! Wonder what will happen if I apply this elsewhere...
Particularly soul-sucking is the nonstop barrage of politics on social media. You'd think it would stop after the elections. You were oh so wrong.
So I took a Social Media Vacation, followed by a Social Media Political Vacation. No one is going to change their political views when you argue with them, nor will they change their religious views. Let's just talk about sex and hobbies, ok?

The world continued, without me watching it or participating. I lost nothing. In fact, I felt better. Might work for you too...

Race to the Bottom. We Lost.

There was some nightmare show on tv about the poor fella who has four wives. Depending on how you feel about this, he has three or four wives too many. Regardless, it's his funeral.

Not to be outdone, I just saw an ad for My Five Wives.
What form of serial insanity is this?

A cynic would note that one of these women is not even better looking than the next. Perhaps he waits til one drives him nuts, then goes to the next one.  These shows will stop when they head to the middle east, where some have lots and lots of wives. The logical conclusion is another series of tv shows, where men get counseling after they come to their senses. I Had Fifteen Wives.

Dr. Phil: What were you thinking?
Guest: I wasn't.

• Well, that's nice. Apple has a new feature in its latest iOS release: it locks the USB port after an hour to foil thieves, including the government and a few third party manufacturers. You can still charge.
• Oops... researchers reveal bypass for aforementioned USB restricted mode.
• GrandCrab ransomware has been updated to affect Windows XP machines via the EternalBlue exploit, developed by the NSA. Here are the takeaways: GrandCrab is updated and maintained better than Windows. Your tax dollars enabled NSA malware. If you're still running Win XP, you're an idiot and should just hook the computer directly to the internet, without firewall or router, and get it over with now. Lastly, you can tell everyone your computer has crabs.

• There’s a growing sense that companies need to take a closer look at security when considering a merger or acquisition.  Gee - my dog really is smarter than most people.

•  Hackers got to Macys.com and Bloomingdales.com, 

The breach took place from April 26 through June 12, compromising data such as full names, addresses, phone numbers, email addresses, birthdays, and payment card numbers with expiration dates

•  The incident was detected by Macy's cyber threat alert tools on June 11. Wow, that's some advanced software. Sixty days to detection. They must've paid a lot of money for that kind of timeliness and accuracy.
• I've poo-pooed fitness tracking apps for phones ever since I knew of their existence. You can't remember or just figured I was insane and nothing could ever happen. I said that the data goes to a phone app, which feeds it somewhere past your phone. Sure enough, 

• Permissive search capabilities in Polar Flow, an online tracking app by Finnish fitness wearables company Polar, has enabled researchers to pinpoint highly sensitive military and intelligence operatives and quickly find out where they live. Furthermore, until Polar shut the app down it was possible to download gigabytes of this information automatically.

• Being right all the time is exhausting, but I carry on for your benefit. 

Apparently there was a couple on an airplane that sat behind another pair of strangers who started flirting. They observed and detailed each move on social media, making the new couple stars. Fortunately I missed this story, but it illustrates your extreme lack of privacy the moment you wander out of your house, into contact with the Great Unwashed. There's an awful lot of information missed by the yokel voyeurs who are fascinated with the story. 

• you have no privacy in public or anywhere there's an idiot with a cell phone and social media account.

You are not taking into consideration that if a cell phone, manned by a random annoying person, starts recording, this is the least of your problems. The NSA and others have been doing this for years.

• if you're a citizen of the UK, there are tens of thousands of cameras, watching everything anyone does. There are also Automatic Number Plate Recognition units in police cars, that scan your license plate and run it past several databases. If there's a match, it makes a noise so the police can stop you. Philadelphia uses this technology, moreso to check for unpaid parking fines, as you saw on the hit show Parking Wars.
• You're screwed. Remember this when you're outside, especially if you're doing something interesting, like having a fit. Rest assured, someone's recording it; an idiot or an official.

• Britain will fine Faceyspaces for the recent data breach. Legally, the fine can be anywhere from $37.50 (423 grams UK) to a few million.  Reached for comment, Mark Zuckerberg snorted, "I make one thousand times that while I pee in the morning."
• Meanwhile, Congress questioned Apple and Google over user tracking. The heads of all online companies stood together and swore, under oath, that cigarettes do not cause cancer.

An online gambling site advises you to gamble responsibly. For years, liquor companies advise you to drink responsibly. This is caused by lawyers. Most things are caused by lawyers.

How does one gamble responsibly? Only lose half the rent?
How does one drink responsibly? Drive home really quickly?

Certain credit cards have 1269% interest. Borrow responsibly.
People put everything on Faceyspaces.  Be stupid responsibly.
Everybody loves porn. Masturbate responsibly.
Taking opiate pain relievers? Overdose responsibly.
Robbing banks? Shoot responsibly.





Gee, lefty... no one is talking about JFK anymore.....

• This does not get discussed routinely but I read that JFK was talking about joining forces with Russia in the space program. Some say that releasing files on UFOs led to his demise. He wanted to end the war in Vietnam.
• The assassination was ordered and planned from a very high level. How do I know? The Secret Service was ordered to use fewer agents that morning and the route was changed at the last minute. Who can make a call like that? There were other indications that the security preparations were not complete, for instance: the windows of buildings above the first floor were not sealed shut. Think about this.
• Lyndon Baines Johnson was jubilant when he exclaimed that he was finally going to get the Kennedys, the night before the assassination.
• Now ask yourself which of JFK's actions would piss off which group: UFO secret keepers or the Military Industrial Complex. The answer may well reveal who ordered the hit.
• There is an absolutely exhaustive amount of research on the killing at Black Op Radio (link to the right). Also RFK information.
• The most compelling bits of information, in my opinion, come from Colonel Fletcher Prouty (RIP), who was sent to the other side of the planet, probably to keep him far away from the assassination. He knew what went into operations like this. He knew who one of the tramps on the bridge was. He described how the information was furnished to the press and designed to frame Oswald very quickly. This can be looked up or heard at Black Op Radio. Prouty was part of Mister X in the JFK movie.

But what about RFK?

• 'Who' is a little more difficult. 'How' is easier.
• Sirhan 'Sirhan' Sirhan says he remembers nothing about the shooting. There were more shots fired than held by Sirhan's pistol, and from different angles, like the rear. Say what you want about Sirhan; being in two places at once is a serious violation of the laws of physics as we know them.
• A still unidentified woman in a polka dotted dress was the last thing Sirhan remembers. She was seen after the assassination coming out the back stairs of the hotel, excited, and said that they got him to a young lady.
• MKULTRA was a CIA brainwashing program that began after WWII, when we imported nazis (Project Paperclip) like Werner von Braun and the crazy 'doctors' who operated on people. They wanted to create the ultimate soldier, who could pull off a killing but truly not remember it, via hypnotism or creation of alternate personalities, to be triggered when the need arose. This took place in Montreal and the US. The trigger or handler had on a polka dotted dress.
• A psychiatrist was examining Sirhan under hypnosis. He triggered something and Sirhan began to write, "RFK must die. RFK must die," over and over again. RFK Must Die is the title of the psychiatrist's book.
• Everything I typed above is verified truth. Make up your own mind about conclusions.

I'm not of an age that I know what happened after the assassination. There was a tv movie about it that truly spoke to me... to quote Don Henley, it was The End of the Innocence. People finally figured out that there was something up behind the scenes and that America wasn't quite as shiny or ideal as they thought. But at least we have the Kardashians.

How's Marshall, you ask?

He spent yesterday between vets, both of whom said he was doing well. The wound is healing quickly. The acupuncture doc said he's much better than last time - clearer eyes and more energy. Someone stopped my wife and said they weren't cocker people but he's absolutely gorgeous. Well, he is. I certainly can't take credit for it.. all I did was see his picture for adoption from the rescue.

Speaking of which, I walked into the kitchen the other day, to find two containers of Chinese food on the floor. Chinese food completely fails to excite me, so I think it's probably better on the floor, except for the Summer Ant Invasion. So this isn't really too much more weird than anything else, but I figured I'd ask the wife, as Marshall can't open the fridge (yet). Yes, the food was for the benefit of Marshall, who's not eating as well as normal. Marshall, taking after his father, is not fond of Chinese food either. I suggested that maybe he wants dessert instead. Or maybe she forgot the soy sauce, which can help the food taste like something.

I like the dessert idea. Yesterday there appeared two large plastic glasses of Dunkin Donuts' frozen hot chocolate. If you've never tried this, run down and get one. It's like.. well... frozen hot chocolate. Marshall is extremely fond of this, especially the mountain of whipped cream on top. He goes face down into it, trying to fit his entire snout into the small hole in the top and licking up the whipped cream. He also likes the frozen hot chocolate. DO NOT GIVE DOGS CHOCOLATE. This isn't really chocolate. So he's back to his perennial favorite: cat food. Vet says feed him whatever he'll eat. Smart people (or most people) realize that he's simply not eating things because he knows something better is coming next.

The vets recommended this probiotic stuff to help his digestion. Personally I'm antibiotic.

Space Command rolls on.

A few issues back, I came out as getting a new job at President Trump's Space Command. One of our slogans, internal only, is You won't even know you're missing a few trillion. All of the ships have Trumps visage emblazoned on them. No one dares guess whether this will earn us a welcome or frighten off potential alien life forms.

Space Command is the front line of Planet Protection, located under ICE and the Department of Homeplanet Security. It turns out that we've had an Earth Defense Force for many years, but nobody knew about it (except government accountants, who live in little burrows underground and cannot come into the daylight, much like their work). So Space Command is somewhat of a public relations stunt (like NASA), putting a face on a department that 'doesn't exist'. As soon as I found this out, I questioned the sanity of whoever hired me... most of you have never met me, but let's just say I should not be the face of anything public. Hell, there are no pictures of me after third grade for a reason.

Our first major task was launching the Trump Space Banner. It's about fifty thousand feet long, in dayglow colors, and says "Welcome to my Planet - it's the best planet", with the president's face, smiling for all lifeforms to see. Some say it bids welcome. Others say it will stop any sort of invasion or visit. People with very high security clearances (that technically don't exist), say it has frightened the existing aliens off the planet.

Another factlet is there are a number of planetary defense satellites in orbit, strictly for the purpose of defending Earth from evil super villain Darth Cheney.

More in the next episode of Space Command.