Rocket Farts in the Car

No, really... my brother somehow managed to violate physics, which shouldn't be surprising to us, but there we are. We'd go places in the car, with him in the back seat. He would let his anus do the talking and people in the front seat would smell it before he did. Science did nothing to explain this phenomenon and we were left with no choice but to open the windows, in the dead of winter. He's lucky he got to stay ride in the car.

A chemical that shouldn't be there has Science all atwitter (including Twitter). Phosphine might indicate life on Venus. It is also possible my brother farted and it was discovered on Venus before it was discovered on Earth.


Your love is like  a peanut butter and jelly sandwich without the peanut butter



Dear lefty

• What will it take to have you join Faceyspaces?
• What will it take for you to have an intimate relationship with your mother? 

Russian interference in the upcoming election goes on: just yesterday, Irina said she should like to visit American sometime.

• Paddleboard lesson gets the seal of approval

Microsoft declares its underwater data center test was a success

Putin declared elections were fair in Russia.

I can only see one thing wrong: it's called Single Point of Failure. One leak and the project is all wet, so to speak.

• Fun Fact: of the world's 500 fastest supercomputers, 500 run linux.

When Nikola posted a video of its driverless truck driving, they enlisted the aid of their assistant: Mr. Gravity. Seems the truck is not entirely ready for primetime, and was shown driving rolling down a hill. The entire auto industry popped its head up and took notice, amazed that all these years, they thought the cars had to run first. For its part, Nikola said it did not lie: the clip was called "Nikola One Electric Semi Truck in Motion."

In other news, a ship with no crew is going to sail across the Atlantic.

Downhill? 

• Today's gold star for bravery goes to Alexei Navalny, the poisoned Putin critic, who will be returning to Russia.
• Godspeed, Alexei. And good luck getting life insurance.

Thought Experiment(s) 

Let's pretend Faceyspaces is a company concerned with privacy and that most people on the planet log in to share words, not private information. An American outfit, Faceyspaces has some concept of freedom of speech, although is not bound by it. As the outfit expands, it runs up against countries who do not think as highly about freedom of speech as Americans. This is where things go awry. It started with the European Union's privacy legislation. Apparently countries think they can censor the internet. Apparently they're getting away with it.

The latest is "Hate speech on Faceyspaces is pushing Ethiopa dangerously close to a genocide." First notice the use of hate speech. Hate speech, as a term, has no place in America: all speech is speech, whether or not you agree with it. Anti-freedom groups were started, an artist was assassinated, and now there are lynchings. Property is being destroyed, as if there were a Black Lives Matter protest.

If I ran Faceyspaces, I'd refuse to go into Ethiopia.

Faceyspaces already had to bend over backwards with censorship to go into China, so why bother in either country? Stay where speech is relatively free.

It's a true dilemma, to a company that cares about privacy and human lives.

Fortunately, Faceyspaces doesn't care about either in real life. In a move nobody saw coming, they're on the other side of throwing off people they didn't like.

• We have inaugurated a new financial program, here at the home of ThermionicEmissions, real life. Whenever one of us spends money, the other one is entitled to spend the same amount. While all the shoe stores in the state will feel the loss, things will be more equal. This has worked out well in the last month.
• Now all I have to do is tell her.

Happys

BB King
Kenney Jones - Faces/Who


Byes

Marc Bolan - "Bang a Gong"
Mary Travers - Peter, Paul &
Johnny Ramone - go ahead, guess...
Richard Wright - Pink Floyd
Ric Ocasek - Cars

He's right, you know...  

President Trump is banning diversity training, claiming it's divisive, anti-American propaganda. The article goes on to say why he's wrong. Why is that? The person who wrote it has a book on diversity in the workplace. Nice job, Forbes... you can't even manage a semblance of objectivity.

Late to the Party, number 237 

I finally saw an overview of Tiger King.

I have never seen Tiger King and was only aware of it as a punchline.

Hot Tap-Dancing Jesus, wa-HOO - it's got everything: a flaming homosexual, an arch-villain, a disappeared spouse, real live very large pussycats, Southern Charm, and animal rescue organizations. And ugly. It's got a whole lotta ugly. Apparently people have been postponing their Faceyspaces activities long enough to watch it. If the Russians get this program run on election night, that's all they have to do.

Yesterday it was uncomfortably hot in my office. Today it's actually cold. I should get some long pants or fire up the space heater, but I will do neither. To do either would be to admit summer is on its way out, so I'll sit and shiver. I'm a man, dammit.

• The 'safety driver' of an Uber self-driving car was charged with negligent homicide, for the death of a pedestrian in Tempe, AZ (a nice place). What was she doing when the car hit the pedestrian at 38mph? Streaming The Voice. This would be funny if there weren't a pedestrian involved - mucking foron.
• The single most important part of a self-driving car is not hitting anyone or anything. It failed. Not Ready for Prime Time. I keep saying this, but for some reason, no one does anything.

If you don't believe America's police are held up as an example to the rest of the world, a Victoria, Australia, police officer appears to stomp on a man's head during an arrest. The man had mental health issues. Now all that's left is for the police to claim he pointed a gun at them.

• Japan would like you to know that Yoshihide Suga is not a food additive: he's the new Prime Minister.

A privacy bug in Democratic presidential candidate Joe Biden's official campaign app allowed anyone to look up sensitive voter information on millions of Americans, a security researcher has found.  When asked for comment, Biden said, "What's privacy?"

• Dunkin Donuts is accused of covering up the fact that hackers siphoned off customers' personal information in 2015
• Why did the Terminally Confused provide their personal information to a donut vendor?

Kim Kardashian and dozens of celebrities are freezing their Faceyspaces and Instagram accounts to protest hate speech. You can tell they're serious, because they closed their accounts... oh.... never mind.  This is a very interesting item... first Faceyspaces got rid of the alt-right. Then the general right. Then anyone performing Wrongspeak. Only now are the Worthless Class taking notice, and adding their voices to the Stop Hate for Profit campaign. Apparently Faceyspaces hasn't thrown enough people off yet. Naturally the NAACP and ADL are involved, claiming Faceyspaces is "falling short of what is necessary to protect our democracy." We call this kind of uninformed misinformation domestic terrorism, but don't insist it be pulled from the news and internet.

See what you've done, Lord Zuck?

You were doing us a 'favor' by kicking off Wrongthink groups. Now you haven't kicked off enough of the right Wrongthink groups. Or Something. And the Whining Class is now demanding you run your business their way. I hope you're feeling smug now.  Once again, Told You So.

That's a Lot of Medicine for A Dog

One million Chinese-made devices have been hacked for massive internet attacks. This illustrates two things: avoid Chinese-made junk. And this is yet another example of Things To Come.

• There's a very interesting article on Delta's power outage in August. It claims that the problem was more of a cyber attack than a power outage. It makes good points. It also backs up what I've been saying about the event: it was not what they claimed. I stated that there had to be Serious Backups and Redundancies because this was Incredibly Important Infrastructure (and there was). This is not a good thing, especially combined with the fiber cuts in California and the ongoing probing of the power grid.

Kim K was robbed at gunpoint in France. She begged for her life, but more importantly, that the thieves not ruin her makeup or take a bad picture of her.

• October 3: the birthday of Saint Stevie Ray Vaughan. He would have been 62.

The Supreme Court has neglected to hear mobster Whitey "The Bulge" Bulger's appeal for killing eleven people. Whitey, 87, will have to spend the rest of his life in prison. His 100 year sentence will allow good-behavior probation in 5 years. Don't you wish, one day, to be as cool as Whitey and have a nickname like The Bulge? Maybe not so much ordering 11 people dead, but maybe knowing you could. The reason for the appeal was that Whitey claims to only have killed ten people, not eleven, hence his bid to have the entire case thrown out.

In case you're curious, the only parts of the above paragraph that are true are his conviction and life in prison.

• Three people who studied unusual states of matter have won the Nobel Prize in Physics. Well, it's not quite Obama's Peace Prize but it will have to do.

The only thing better than a presidential debate is a vice-presidential debate. If you don't believe me, watch it. In the interests of mental health, I'd avoid it. Update: Bill Weld, the libertarian candidate, isn't allowed to debate, like Gary Johnson, the presidential candidate.

But wait - what is this??? Trump's VP candidate, Pence, has a signature line is that he is "a Christian, a conservative, and a Republican, in that order." Uh-oh. I don't care what he wants to do in his spare time but this is a potential violation of the First Amendment.

• Don't ask how I know but my Bluetooth earphones at work reach into the bathroom. When I say the meeting is shit, I mean it.

Amnesty International has accused the world's wealthiest nations of shirking responsibility towards refugees, saying they host the fewest and do the least. No word yet from Amnesty on terrorist refugees.

• According to a study by 'Girlguiding,' girls in the UK are markedly less confident about their looks than they were five years ago.  No word yet on whether Girlguiding studies parents teaching self-esteem. I'm not particularly attractive but that's the way I am and I'm not likely to slit a wrist because I don't look like something from GQ (or MTV).

It's a good thing for Julian Assange that the embassy hasn't suffered a collapse into its own footprint. Yet.

• Marshall the cocker continues his health issues and our bid to cure him. He loves his new food - it's even better than cat food, and he LOVES cat food. He flatly refused the dry stuff, preferring to be hungry. The wet stuff is his favorite. The newer wet stuff causes diarrhea, His meds were no problem, as we put them in peanut butter. Now he's refusing the peanut butter, so he doesn't get breakfast until he's hungry enough to eat his meds. We really need to get him a dog but the wife is not happy with that idea and I like sleeping in my own bed.

Today's joke: a government worker makes it to his desk on time and performs his job.

Thank you. I'm available for children's parties.

• I know stats are the lifeblood of everything, so you'll want to know that 8 people accessed the blog yesterday. Cumulative stats (of who knows when - I don't have a need to know) are that the largest amount are from Poland, use Chrome and run linux. What does this mean? How the hell should I know - I'm just sharing info.

Are you ready for the Buzzword of the Day?

Bromosexual: a friendship between a straight man and a gay man.

Aren't you glad you asked?

Along with Buzzword of the Day, I give you Important Test of the Day.

At the Paris Motor Show, a BBC reporter tested cup holders in a range of cars.

Because, you know... this can be the tipping point in the decision of which super car to buy.

• If any of you are in the path of Hurricane Matthew, I need you to remain alive. Please be safe.

I'm Nothing if not Something

A halloween costume of Caitlyn Jenner is causing outrage, prompting cries of disgraceful and transphobic. I wonder where these Social Justice Warriors were when Reagan, The Decider and (Bill)Clinton masks were in heavy rotation. Where were the charges of idiotphobia then?  I have to admit the costume is hilarious, with a dress-like thing and a sash that says Call Me Caitlyn. And what had better be a wig.  BUT WAIT: A second controversy has sprung up over a Lion Killer Costume! These costumers are a delightfully sick bunch.

• My first job was nine months of sheer hell, dealing with the public at an electronics store that shall not be mentioned (it gave out free batteries and just went under). The job taught me a very important life lesson - that I hate people. And that retail was not my strong suit. But in the interest of fairness, we should all read this article about retail. We can all learn something from it (and it validates hating people).

There's no doubting it: farts are funny, to all ages and sexes (mostly the male sexes). I have often wondered why (because my mind needs to know this sort of thing). Here is a piece on why fart jokes never get old. The old anal exhalation. The wind beneath my sheets. One - single flatulation, stuttering between my cheeks.

• Homeland Security has raided a gay escort site. Precisely which part of national security is threatened by gay escorts? Are they afraid of outing DC? They have been charged with prostitution and the website was seized. I wonder if the straight services are next. Maybe they'll seal the records for seventy five years, like JFK's.

A bar in Sydney, Australia, has caused outrage by using naked women as fruit platters.  I'm desperately trying to figure out the problem here.  I do have to admit that the bananas were sitting rather tall on one platter. An outraged Social Justice Warrior referred to the practice as contempt for women. Seems more like love for women. All they needed was a guitar somewhere and you'd have my three favorite activities on one table.

• Speaking of the cheating site Ashley Madison hack, it has been discovered that only about one percent of women who signed up ever actually used the site (men paid, women signed up for free). Where are the Warriors crying about male inequality? Don't delude yourself, guys... women run the planet. The sooner you recognize this, the better off you'll be. The Ashley Madison story is going to get more and more interesting in the coming weeks. For some really sad news, check out some of the passwords used for the site.  IN ADDITION:  Hundreds of thousands of people signed up for the service last week - AFTER news of the hack.  If it weren't for the great stupidity of the Great Unwashed, I'd swear that the hack was just good publicity for Ashley Madison.

Drought? LA County supervisors wash their cars 2-3 times a week. This is an outrage! How can governmental supervisors be expected to wash their own cars? 

• You absolutely cannot PAY for this headline: Unrestricted Urine Flow in San Fran Streets Corroding Metal Light Poles. SF has started using urine-resistant paint.  After 9/11, BART restrooms were closed as a safety measure. The City is obviously protecting the citizens from people using the bathroom in subways. Most surprising, not a word about Philadelphia.

In addition to transgender tv sitcoms and reality shows, transgender porn is on the rise. So to speak. Especially in California, New York, Illinois and Texas. DC is probably number one in underage transgender porn.

• Man arrested after his dog tests positive for meth. It's a good thing the vet doesn't test Marshall... he'd blow positive for cat food every time.

A PF Chang chef, Jaquan Huston, stabbed another chef, Eliveton Dias, to death in the kitchen during the dinner rush. My wife has been trying to get me to go there for years. As if the food weren't enough to put me off, now I have to worry about danger to my person via chefs with knives. This doesn't seem to be a problem at my favorite pizza place.

• Roberto Esquivel Cabrera has what some would consider a problem: he has (this stuff kills me) the world's longest penis. He's trying to get some sort of disability payments for it (and him too). He claims that he can't get a job, it hangs below his knees and that women are too afraid to have sex with him (he's still a virgin). Yes, this is a World Record Academy award (Guinness didn't have a category for this). Oddly enough, another record holder is the world's smallest man, at two inches larger (taller) than Mr. Cabrera's Monster Member. We wish him luck. Stardom awaits  when California's porn producers come across this story.  This picture was to the right of the story - they couldn't have picked a better one.

You thought I couldn't top the penis, didn't you?  The wife of a New York administrator claims she has Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from her husband's twisted sexual practices.  So he wore a chastity belt to work. So  he wore diapers and a horse tail during foreplay. So he dressed like a sissy maid and called himself Jessica.  

The divorce papers say he engaged in “predatory and extreme depraved antisocial sexual conduct so egregious it shows a blatant disregard for the marital relationship that it shocks the conscience.” Hey now - one person's "predatory and extreme depraved antisocial sexual conduct" is another person's idea of Marital Bliss or bit of good clean fur for an evening.

While the gentleman in question is now without a wife (who has reportedly been safely ensconced in a local nunnery), he has a line around the corner of women (and men) who like a good time. Most are dressed in leather, carrying a box of diapers and a brand new french maid outfit in his size. I'm dying while I'm typing this.

• A Maine man crashed into a tree while taking a selfie, driving home (oof) this blog's extreme dislike of selfies.

Miyuki Harwood, a hiker missing for nine days has been found alive in a California forest. ThermionicEmissions does not condone the use of Asian driving jokes.

• North Dakota is the first state to legalize weaponized Unmanned Aerial Devices (shooting and bombing drones) for local police departments. Firing in Fargo, anyone? Bombing in Bismarck? Shooting in Stanley? Murder in Minot?

A package of radioactive material that was supposed to be delivered to an on-campus office at Texas A&M University has gone missing. Perhaps they mistook it for Anthrax. If they try to trace it through the postal service, they're screwed.

• Firefighters were called out to a farm in England because a curious cow got its head stuck in a chair. After freeing the poor large beast from the chair, it was discovered that this was no ordinary curious cow - it was just Kim Kardashian (for the second time this week).

An Afghan man and women were given 100 lashes in public for adultery. In the US, you get a website, press coverage and a tv show.

SO MUCH FUNK, ONE BLOG CANNOT STAND IT ALL

Once again I'm going to abandon my guitar leanings and give you The Funk. Few solos here... just the almighty groove. I'm talking Sly & the Family Stone. 

If You Want Me to Stay is prototypical Sly. This version is from the classic Soul Train program and is done live. The drummer is Bill Lordan, who I know from Robin Trower, a real surprise.  All the way from the phenomena that was The Midnight Special comes Thank You (Falettinmne Be Mice Elf Again). Sly plays guitar on this song (did you know Sly played guitar?). This particular drummer is not Bill Lordan, which seems to work better for the band. I call him Bouncy because I don't know his name but have seen him with the band in other videos. He's all over the place.

Enjoy Higher, from Woodstock. You'll know all these tunes from their studio versions but I was looking for variety and performance. It is rumored that Sly was notoriously late and refused to go on at Woodstock. When the organizers threatened to not pay, Sly asked everyone what they were waiting for. Great performance, great concert.

Unfortunately, time and recreational pharmaceuticals had their effect on Sly, who, at least reading, lived in a van, paranoid and penniless. He's supposed to be getting back on his feet with a little help from his friends. I sure hope so, espcially considering what passes for music on the radio these days.