Your love is like a botched penile implant
Thank God.... we haven't had a PANIC in months! Somebody wake Fauci!
Today I identify as pregnant
- Hallmark: when you want the person to know you spent a lot of money on their card
Eating Out
Stop it, you perverts.
Since the One True Pizza sold out, we've been forced to widen our search for food we like. There's so little of it. Today we went to a diner. The thing that confused me, and there are many, is that they were not open for dinner. They closed at three. I was impressed that we were sat immediately. Unfortunately, I forgot to ask for the No Screaming Child Section, and were sat right next to a squalling little ankle biter. We ask for this section on planes too, with the same result. Most scream, but a few kick the seats too. Heaven forbid you say something, then the parents get an attitude, like it's your fault for complaining.
"They're babies - babies make noise."
Then take your car, or the bus, where everybody does something strange, and at least one person thinks he's a deity, usually Jesus. Let's say you're a musician, or a drummer. You bring your drums onto a plane and play them throughout the flight. People are going to complain, possibly physically.
"They're drums - drums make noise."
It doesn't work in either case. If they make noise, they don't belong in an enclosed space, where people are already amped up and on the brink of murder. You've seen the Bad Behavior on Planes videos on YouTube. I once had a flight cross-country, wherein there was no noise beyond light conversation. Of course I had to pay extra, but the airlines are raping scrounging for anything they can get. Excess bag fees? Bad Haircut fees?
So we're sitting in our booth and notice not only is there a screaming child, but the entire restaurant is LOUD. How is a whole restaurant loud? Captain Fixit here is looking around, trying to figure this out. There are a lot of hard surfaces, plus people talking. The good Captain then starts to wonder how to fix the problem. The immediate solution would be to tell people to just SHUT UP. I discussed this with a waitress once, who agreed with me, but lamented it would be her last day if she made that request. So I'm looking at the walls and ceiling, figuring they had to put some sound absorption materials there, when it occurred to me: so far, only the waitress and I were complaining. So much for that bright idea. I suggested we come back at five. Wife said they're closed at three. Exactly. There should be a sign outside that says, "WARNING: it's flipping LOUD inside. Every table has been provided with a decibel meter, and if the noise gets louder than 120 decibels (equivalent to a plane taking off or a Metallica concert), you could request to be moved to a table less lethal to hearing in general. Earplugs would also be provided, at no cost.
The kitchen was slooow. But the servers were on the ball. In fact, there were waitresses walking around refilling coffee (perhaps to offset the kitchen). I'm very easily impressed. After a few hours, the food arrived. To our shock, the order was completely correct. And good. The real fun came as we were done. Mrs. lefty had to go outside, probably to smoke a ciggie or four, so I'm left paying the check. Unfortunately, the first step here is getting the check. I had four offers to refill my coffee before our waitress stopped by. One asked if I wanted my oil changed. To keep us waiting a little longer, no one mentioned whether we should pay up front or wait for at least six offers of coffee refills before we paid the waitress.
They should change their sign: THE LOUD RESTAURANT. FREE REFILLS. Often.
*Mrs. lefty was in a position to see the very loud children. When the very loud dad shouted at them, they got very quiet and their heads went down. Mrs. lefty said there was abuse in that family. ThermionicEmissions does not tolerate child abuse of any kind. We're not really even fond of kids, but there will be no abuse.
Overheard
"Apparently, the woman can disguise herself as a normal human being when she has to."
Work has a Flying AIDS rating, stated in a very confusing manner: green, yellow, and red. It just went to red. I was going to ask, if the level is red, do I have to wear a mask at home, but just don't have the heart. Since I'm married, social distancing isn't a problem.
The senate passed the climate bill.
Schumer said it was a game changer. That alone should get him impeached.
The size and cost of this bill ($369 billion) is second only to the rolling heart attack that is the budget bill. The bill passes to the House next. Rest assured it will be a boon for manufacturers, at least via credits. Plus pork, of course.
Experian is the target of a class action suit, as they should be; this time for failing to secure accounts. They should be out of business for so many reasons. I'm sure this slap on the wrist will be most severe, and the lawyers will become rich.
Apple is thinking of removing the headphone jack on its next entry-level iPad.
Down the line, they might also remove the screen.
Hackers Exploit Twitter Vulnerability to Exposes 5.4 Million Accounts
meh - what's 5.4 million? Maybe Elon had a point....
China is allowing robo taxis - without backup drivers
I see what you're doing, China. This is a population reduction scheme....
The president left the White House for the first time since he had the Flying AIDS.
He got lost jogging, and it took the Secret Service two hours to find him
Alex Jones must pay $4.1 million compensatory and $45 million punitive damages, a jury found. There may be a cap in place to lower the punitive sum.
All because he said words. He said Sandy Hook was a hoax.
This is horrible for the First Amendment. It's not like he slandered or libeled the couple that sued. The articles I've read do nothing to explain how you can sue for somebody saying something. An extremely brief discussion of lawyers on Court TV led to the assumption that you can absolutely sue, but they were not clear on reasons. I'm going to have to go against the lawyers and come down on the side of the First Amendment. Regardless of whether or not I like what Jones said, I stand for his ability to say it.
Fecal fountains: CDC warns of diarrheal outbreaks linked to poopy splash pads
The CDC did something that didn't involve the Flying AIDS or PANIC? They're losing focus.
It took a while to figure out what splash pads are
The CDC recommends you Don't Drink the Water, swim in your own pool, wipe well, and do not visit Mexico.
