The Pain of Kubernetes

Whither Kaspersky

A short time after the government officially banned Kaspersky Antivirus from its computers, you might start seeing a full scale advertising reputation-saving binge from Kaspersky itself. So far they're touting their award as best antivirus in a recent test, their employees doing a lot of volunteer work, and the great smell of vodka.

This is a brilliant shot on the part of any of Kaspersky's enemies, as there is a claim of spying on government data, followed by immediate denial and Kaspersky himself offering to show his program's source code to prove data is not kept by their antivirus (the government did not take up his offer). So even if Mr. Kaspersky is correct, the accusation has produced enough doubt to stop people from using it. As I said, brilliant.

• I like Rolos.

Bathe in my milk?

The sad part is that Social Justice Warriors will get her shut down because the service is men-only.

• if you have a Lenovo laptop and want to install *Ubuntu 17.10, don't do this yet. There's a bug which will corrupt the BIOS. There is a bigger problem than corruption: 17.10 came out two months ago.

Crowdsourcing. Crowdsourcing. I haven't ever said that til now, but I have an excuse.  Say it with me: Crowdsourcing. Crowdsourcing is another buzzword, but this time it's based upon something real and good. There's an app called Gas Buddy. It gives you the price of gas at many different places. It does so because people put in the prices. Crowdsourcing is when the People do the work.

Another fine example of Crowdsourcing is junk phone number verification. Forgive me if this is old news - I'm just getting around to typing this. We've all signed up on the No Call List, right? The list tells ethical companies and marketers (an oxymoron if I've ever heard one) not to call you. Ever. If they do, they can be sued for approximately $500. Of course we don't answer the phone if we don't know who's calling, so we take down the number and enter it into our favorite search engine (which is duckduckgo.com). This will produce a bunch of results, telling you, via Crowdsourcing, who the number belongs to and what happens when they call. It's inevitably junk calls. The only links you don't want to click are the ones that lead to commercial phone research companies, who want to charge you to look up the owner of the number. Then you go to your app place and download a call blocker, if your phone doesn't already have one.

Another trick these bastards use is spoofing. They disguise their number. Some of them disguise it with the first three digits of your phone number. If your number is 213-555-1234, their number would come up as 213-555-3852 or similar, to make you think it's a local or related number.

Your homework is to try this out. And for extra credit, use Crowdsourcing in casual conversation this week.

I find it handy to simply never answer the phone, even when I know who's calling.

• in the Might As Well Live In A Cave department: it turns out that even apps that request no permissions can gather information they don't need. Tests were run, that exposed some minor holes in android. Remember dial phones?

Here's something you can do to end the year right: delete your Google information. Also some helpful Q&A from duckduckgo.

• "To deter identity thieves," Faceyspaces has introduced facial recognition. It's so accurate that it can identify you in photos in which you are not tagged. Faceyspaces: the front page of the NSA. Do you realize what a great thing Zuckerberg is doing by taking a load off the NSA? Or he's owned by the NSA - pick one. We are a nation of morons.
• In other facial recognition news, Windows' Hello Face recognition has been fooled by a picture. 
• We have one system that's a giant facial recognition database and one operating system that can't recognize you.

The Holidays

It was a festive time, it felt like a really long time. And this was just half a day.
We have a family tradition I like to follow: Mrs. lefty goes and makes merry, while I stay home to keep the dog company. Unfortunately it rarely works this way.

For his part, Marshall really does have to stay home because he doesn't like dogs. We think it's just denial; if he sees dogs, he has to face the reality that he is one. Everywhere we visit has dogs, so it doesn't work well for him. One house had a full grown St. Bernard. Have you ever seen a full grown St. Bernard? You can pretty much saddle him up and give rides (to the adults). He was very friendly, and wanted nothing more than to play with the boxer, who we call Licky Dog, because she'll jump in your lap and kiss you to death (kinda like our vice president). She loves everybody, and despite her medium size, is all heavy muscle.

As I type, Marshall is on guard, protecting the house from invaders only he can see, barking like a mad dog. As far as I know, the medicines don't produce hallucinations, but the house is a pretty crazy place.

Failing once again to stick to Dog Duties, I wanted to visit the in-laws, who venture three hours to see the family. They live in the Valley That Time Forgot, where the only sign of civilization is the huge new Walmart, only an hour away. Mom-in-Law is absolutely thrilled because she comes to visit and has a choice of three supermarkets and actual restaurants. And nary a pickup truck with a gun rack.

So the idea was to go Christmas eve and spend some time with them. When I say 'idea,' I mean if I fail to go visit, it will be used as a rather large weapon sometime later on down the road. YOU DON'T EVER SEE MY PARENTS. Get the idea? It's not that I don't like them - they're very nice people.. it's more that I'm working diligently on my agoraphobia certificate, where I don't leave the house, except for that damn pesky work. Plus if I went on the eve, I wouldn't have to deal with the barrage of family that would descend on the house on Christmas itself. This was an absolutely brilliant idea.

But, like all absolutely brilliant ideas, it was doomed to failure.

I was awakened, sorta, way too early in the morning, when my wife barged into to tell me one of the family members had an 'episode,' wherein he could not get his wife, who was in bed, to respond to him. We looked at each other, and spontaneously intoned, "Genuine Hissy Fit<tm>," only without the <tm>. As I gratefully went back to sleep, she jumped on her white horse and sped off into the distance (she drives a Ford Distance).

I got up around the crack of noon, as is Tradition, at which time the wife let me know that everyone was fine, and it was just a Genuine Hissy Fit<tm>. I could make a lot of money by going into business, diagnosing people over the phone. Remote Medicine. The technology is fresh and ripe, but like vegetables, no one wants to eat it.

Since she was already there, she would go to see her parents without me.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. This meant I'd have to go on Christmas day. With actual PEOPLE!

In addition to working on my agoraphobia certificate, I already have an Introvert certificate. This is not a diagnosis: this just IS. By way of explanation, an extrovert is the guy at the party who drinks beers, watches sports, and talks LOUDLY with his couchmates and anyone who walks in the door. LOUDLY. No one has actually arrived at the house until the extrovert has said their name, as they come through the door.

An introvert is the person who says hello where he has to, then immediately looks for a place to hide, so no one will (heaven forbid) TALK to him. He doesn't like or talk sports, may not drink alcohol, and likes Coke, but all they have is Diet Pepsi, because only women drink soda and if women drink soda, it has to be diet (to wash down the triple fudge donuts and pound cake). Pound cake is named for the way you consume it: you pound it down. I don't like it, even though the cake also comes in chocolate.

The house is very strangely set up, with lots of rooms, in a triple split level dual range oven configuration, with a lovely sun room downstairs. This is actually a very unfortunate addition, as we haven't SEEN the sun in over three weeks. The state police have put out a BOLO (Be on the Lookout) for it, as the precipitation has caused accidents and is threatening to turn downtown into a swamp. Moreso. The room is screened in only, so you get the benefit of a comfy couch, a grill (because everyone grills indoors, don't they?) and the lovely, gray, twenty degree weather). It's everything everyone wants from a Christmas celebration. And I couldn't even hide there, as it was some sort of staging area for the dogs, who took turns getting their paws muddy in the back yard, which resembled an incredibly dirty pool. Ever see someone try to un-muddy a St. Bernard? He was having none of it.

Therefore my hiding place was a rocking chair, smack in the middle of the living room, where everybody was making inebriated chat and greetings. I somehow managed to make the spot into a lefty Zone, whereby it was borderline invisible. Either that or the family was absolutely terrified of me, which is more likely. They don't know how to deal with an introvert who doesn't like sports, and worse, is about ready to shoot the large screen tv, from which is emanating the lovely sounds of Bad Christmas Music. What kind of music is Bad Christmas Music? All of it.  I took advantage of the fact that last year, everyone was playing with their phones and not talking. Unfortunately, this year I was the only one. I went virtual shopping at Guitar Center, which is open 24/7 online, and you don't have to deal with LOUD other guitar players and little kids trying to play ridiculously complex songs that more experienced players cannot play. Like.. ahem... me.

And then it happened: a child arrived. They tell me the child was one, which they have to tell me, as I can't identify child ages because I just don't care. You wanna know how to turn an entire room full of intelligent, competent women into monosyllabic, silly, almost drooling people? Bring in a baby. The entire family appeared as if they had never seen a baby before.  I don't like children any more than I like adults, so I made all efforts to widen the Cone of Silence, so the child would not see me. Unfortunately, children, like cats, sense that you're not fond of them and come to visit, sometimes jumping in your lap. I waved at it and suggested it ride the St. Bernard, who we took to calling Horsey.

By this time, every hallway and crevice was jammed with people. Loud people. I attempted to leap under the rocking chair, but there was no room, as my wife's tolerance for noise has been shrinking to match mine.

As the two hours we were going to stay got closer to seventeen, it was time to go. This was very fortunate from a health point of view, as my head hurt like it was under a huge bell as it was being rung, and the voices were telling me to do things I would surely be arrested for.

My favorite part of the visit was when we were leaving (it's not what you think, although that's pretty amusing), several children and people started shrieking at something simultaneously, causing me to wince in pain. The hostess asked what was wrong with my eye, as I was squinting from the pain. I felt bad about telling her the truth and made some excuse about being allergic to St. Bernard drool (yeah, they drool - and they can sometimes launch it so it slimes the person halfway across room, on the couch, who hasn't seen the dog and is now wondering if they should call Ghostbusters).

After about twenty years of my wife making it clear, no one got me anything. Some people would feel sad and excluded. Like the season, I felt joyous. I wouldn't have to pretend I loved the handmade red and orange-checked sweater from Kohl's or the ADIDAS FOOTBALL sweatshirts somebody got free with the large box of Real Good Brand golf balls.  Aside from having to visit people, I did very well: only my parents got me a gift, as there is no talking to them. The dear old neighbor who Marshall has trained to feed him on command, sent over some dog treats. We feel bad that she spends so much on hot dogs, so we get her grocery store gift certificates. This also benefits her sister, who recently went through training too. People who don't live there know Marshall and ask after his health.

I like Christmas, in that I get a lot of time off work, so that I can sit around like a vegetable. I'd prefer to sit around like a puddle, or at least a fruit - something sweet - but one must go with what one has. Since Marshall's ex-cat used to have the Christmas tradition of disemboweling the tree and breaking all the one of a kind ornaments, we didn't have a tree for many years. We were going to break that tradition as Marshall's cat left us last year, but we didn't.

This is not a normal household (no, really?). The effort required to get anything done on a timely basis is frequently too much, rendering the project worrisome but invisible, hence we did not have a tree last year. When I say we didn't have a tree, we actually have two: in boxes in the shed. Getting at least one of them to the house and assembled is something close to a Christmas miracle. This year, determined to make things festive, we bought an ornament six months ago. Please hold back your excitement. It was an Eeyore ornament, per tradition, and Wife did not remember purchasing it, also per tradition.

So as of Christmas Eve, the ornament was safely tucked away, somewhere, in its box. Kind of like the tree. Most of the neighborhood has amazing light displays and houses all perked up and decked out for the holidays. Our house was still standing, for which I was grateful. The unstated bonus of not putting up a tree is that you don't have to take it down (by February or so).

• Speaking of Christmas, some nice person gave us a box of chocolates. Wanna know when you day is starting badly? She got the coconut cream, then the orange cream.
• Being the more cautious of the pair, I waited twenty four hours. Everybody was still alive, so I thought I'd take a shot. I love candy. My first dilemma was which one should I have? The map on the inside of the top promised maple cream, which sounded exactly like the candy I didn't know I needed. AAAAAAAAAh - that was disgusting. Normally my reactions are not that strong, but the taste was disgusting. If I were a food critic, I'd say something like, "It was vaguely chocolate, with hints of fruit and freshly mowed grass," but it would have more sarcasm to it.
• I figured it had to be user error - maybe I was holding the map upside down. I turned it around but there was no Chocolate Fruitgrass listed. Since it's just rude to put the half-eaten confection back, I lobbed it into the trash. It was a Christmas miracle: it went into the can! I can't hit a small city with an H-bomb.
• Alignment of the map was considered complete when something involving nuts looked like it was a little lumpy. I was going to play it safe this time, with a caramel chocolate. After all, how can you f- that up?
• I have no idea, but they did. Another foul confection from Granny's Grass Candies, Inc. I ran around the house like I was on fire, putting in anything that would fit into my mouth to kill the taste: forks, a pan of congealed bacon grease from this morning, the battery from the lawnmower, and several shot glasses, all to no avail.
• I grabbed the kitchen tongs and gingerly placed the lid back on the assortment, hoping beyond hope that nothing in that box would touch my skin. Or my house. T'was then I saw the front of the box. There was no warning label. There were no flashing lights. Not even a nuclear radiation sign. THEY WERE DIET CHOCOLATES!
• How can someone so sweet give an xmas present that even Satan himself wouldn't eat? These people are serious church people, so I figured it's relatively safe to assume they're down with the Thou Shalt Not Kill thing. If I had the balls, I'd pick up the box and see what they used to sweeten it. I'll put lots of things into my mouth, like GMOs and table legs. My wife eats cheese that smells like sweat socks that have been marinated for an entire year. But I will not eat artificial sweeteners. Aside from the fact they cause cancer, they taste horrible. I can detect one part per million.
• As against governmental regulation as I am, someone needs to put warning labels, flashing lights, and an audible alarm on these things, for the good of the public [cue Monty Python Whizzo Chocolates Assortment; Crunchy Frog].

In case you missed the news over the holiday season, employees of Microsoft  and Amazon have been caught using prostitutes who are victims of human trafficking.  So just remember, every time you use Windows or order from Amazon, you're supporting human trafficking.

No, wait, that's not it.
We have two separate discussion points that are not separated in the article.  As a libertarian and human, I have nothing against prostitution: we are sovereign over our own bodies and cannot be told what we can or can't do with them. Since the services are advertised as escort or massage (or towing), they are legal.  Unfortunately, prostitution is used as an embarrassing term to gain leverage.

The main item is human trafficking. This is beyond horrible.  Women are brought here from other countries and told they owe money or their family is threatened unless they cooperate.  Fortunately, some of this is coming into the light.

How the Microsoft and Amazon employees are supposed to know their prostitutes are victims of trafficking is beyond me (and them, apparently). I say this as a libertarian and human, even if it requires me to defend Microsoft.

The only funny part comes from the employees, who used their work email addresses to order the services. Let us think about what would happen if we ordered 'massages' on company email?  I would get a visit from my boss, stating that if I had one, I'd need to provide everybody else with one too.

* Kubernetes is an open-source system for automating deployment, scaling and management of containerized applications

Merry Xmas from lefty Claus

It's Raining Twinkies. Or Minions

Israel hacked into antivirus provider Kaspersky, where they discovered the FSB (Russian spy agency) has been, along with NSA spy tools and viruses. Kaspersky said they don't help any governments nor will they. Kaspersky detected a breach and reported on it. Israel warned the US in 2015. Quick as you can say 'chrysanthemum,' two years later, the US government banned Kaspersky from its networks. At this point, no one has proven Kaspersky to be involved in any of this directly. Regardless, they've been smeared and implicated and their business is going to take a hit.  It's like James Bond on acid.

• October 11 is National Coming Out Day. I'd like to make an announcement. It's been very difficult on me for many years, but it's time to reveal myself to my readers for what I am. From this day forward, I will be known as heterosexual.

The Department of Treasury denies domestic spying.

The Office of Intelligence and Analysis (OIA) is under Treasury and examines foreign intelligence. However, there is evidence (twelve anonymous sources) that, like their friends in the NSA and CIA, it is spying domestically too.

The Department of Treasury denies domestic spying.

Banks and financial organizations are required to turn over information daily and the OIA has had its nose there.

The Department of Treasury denies domestic spying.

Leaks made it to the government and Buzzfeed. Congressional inquiries went unanswered.

The Department of Treasury denies domestic spying.

These departments and this government are completely out of hand. If the opportunity for expansion exists, they'll take it. If the opportunity for spying exists, they'll take it. Any attempted oversight is ignored, stymied, and laughed at. There is no accountability.  And we're paying for the privilege of being spied upon.

• A New York man threatened a Las Vegas style shooting at a Denver company. He stated that he would get on a plane and fly there if they didn't pay him $100. I would have demanded at least enough to cover the plane ticket.

Google admits its new smart speaker was eavesdropping on customers, after a reviewer caught it uploading everything it heard to Google. Google says they have fixed the 'bug', by which they mean they've made it much harder to detect. People are paying for a device that will let Google (or Amazon) spy on you. I am shocked. SHOCKED, that Google eavesdrops.

• The Boy Scouts have announced they will admit girls into the Cub Scouts and establish a program for older girls. This is a big step forward. It's quite original.. you could almost call it something like... girl scouts. That would be a good name.

Faceyspaces went down for a bit the other day. Production in all sectors of America went up and brain cell loss went down 80%.

• I'm home, on a late business call. A long time ago, I learned to mute my microphone at all times, unless I'm speaking. I learned this because it keeps me from imitating my boss' accent or injecting 'witty' comments about the current topic.
• BANG. BANG BANG.
• BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG
• BANG BANG.
• BANG BANG BANG BANG.
• I noticed some noise.
• BANG BANG BANG BANG
• Good thing my mic is muted.
• BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG
• In any other house, this would be amusing or distracting. In my house, it's like a live-action cartoon.*
• Thump thump thump... HEY LEFTY...LEFTY...
• CAN YOU OPEN THE BATHROOM DOOR? I CAN'T GET IN.
• I quietly point to my phone, as if to say WILL YOU LEAVE ME THE $*#& ALONE - I'M ON AN IMPORTANT BUSINESS CALL. BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG does not help my concentration and the boss likes when I listen to him.
• Thump thump thump.
• BANG BANG BANG
• BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG. Because if it doesn't work, keep trying the same solution. BANG BANG BANG BANG.
• Call ends, I take a look. Somebody locked the bathroom door. Gnomes, probably. Since this is a very secure lock, I can probably dislodge it with my Secret Lockpicking Kit.
• Most of my early life was spent looking for phillips screwdrivers. Since my religion forbids putting anything away after I use it, I could never find a phillips driver. Mind you, I had standard screwdrivers all over the place. Now that I'm grown (allegedly), I can only find phillips screwdrivers. Phillips drivers are the one driver that will not go in my Secret Lockpicking Kit.
• Since people keep giving me those really cool multitool knife jobbies, I found my most Swiss version, with the LED flashlight built in. I had to keep adjusting it because the LED would come on by itself. Gnomes, probably.
• After 15 minutes I managed to make the standard screwdriver come out to play and fired up the LED so I could see. POOF - the last forever, low power LED didn't work - the battery was kaput.
• One blind screwdriver insertion and twist later, the door was open and I was muttering to myself much more quietly and not even cursing more than normal. Good thing this lock is very secure.
• This would look like magic to the person requesting access to the bathroom, but she had disappeared during the uninterrupted portion of my work phone call. Gnomes, probably.

* My house is frequently cartoonish. Stuff happens that you often see in cartoons. While 'helping' me cook or do dishes, Marshall sits or lays on the kitchen floor. If I fill his bowl with food, he leaps up to follow me. Unfortunately the floor is some type of lineoleum and he can't get traction on it, causing him to keep trying over and over again, slipping each time. I keep waiting for the banging on pots sound effect that goes with this in cartoons.

The other day I managed to produce absolutely the most perfect, unavailable, cannot reproduce sight gag that ever existed. While taking out the trash, my view down was obstructed. I stepped on a push broom and the handle jumped right up and hit me in the face. You cannot make this happen even if you set it up perfectly, or you are one of the Three (dead) Stooges. Since my nose was not broken, all I could do was laugh (and start mentally typing it up for ThermionicEmissions). Dear readers, I live my life for you.

• "Fatphobia is violence", some fat lady opined online, complete with pictures of her being fat in lingerie. Words kill. In this case, pictures too.

This month's Microsoft patch includes a fix for a tiny issue. You can encrypt messages in Outlook. And if you do, they will encrypt, and the recipient will unencrypt them. The tiny issue is that, with the encrypted message is a plain text copy of the email. To their credit, Microsoft jumped right on this issue, which was discovered in May.

• This Harvey Weinstein affair is tragic and will continue to be in the news for a while. Aside from the heinous nature of his abuses is the heinous covering up by Harvey's famous people and news outlets. Everybody knew what he was up to and nobody spoke up til recently. Now everybody's piling on, which is a step in the right direction. Except Lindsey Lohan, who is staunchly defending him. After five days, even Hillary Clinton spoke up.

An Australian man was hurt by a flying dildo, launched from the naughty bits of an exotic dancer. This is the kind of news story we need. It has it all: injury, physics, and an exotic dancer. Think of her muscular control!

Quiet - I'm Trying to Think

Like many people, I sometimes do some online learning. This is a hair more difficult for me, as I have the attention span of a pregnant gnat (on drugs). So I asked my wife for a little quiet, so I could get through it more easily.

For the entire day, I could barely hear my wife, except when she spoke to me. This is almost uncharacteristic of her, as she has the grace of an elephant in a tutu (she will tell you this).

As I started the numbered material, it became Cleaning Time:

Item #1: [the crunch of brown bags opening]

Item #2: [boxes being moved]

Item #3: [stuff falling against wooden furniture]

I'm laughing, as it's not too loud, just slightly annoying.
Wife goes into the other room and I think good - no more noise.

Item #4: [an entire basket of hangers attempts to commit suicide by leaping to the floor].

At this point, I lose it.
IS THIS SOME KIND OF COMEDY ROUTINE? ARE PEOPLE WE CAN'T SEE WATCHING IT? WE MUST BE A HUGE HIT BY NOW. PERHAPS YOU CAN DROP SOME PLATE GLASS DOWN THE STAIRS!

Item #5: [tap tap tap]
WHAT IS IT NOW?
Your parents are coming over. Where do I put the guitars?
I'M SORRY, WAS MY QUIET STUDYING TOO DISRUPTIVE FOR YOU?
But, I just...
DON'T. Please don't.

Item #6: [folding chair falls to ground]
Wife: "Ok, I give up."
Please do.


I have deliberately omitted the part where the elephant led the parade through the living room, as well as the eight lane highway being started out front. If people are watching this, our ratings are through the roof (along with the giraffes).

• It sure is early this morning.
• It looks like it's getting longer.
• The morning meeting that makes me get up an hour early was not attended by the person who set it up
• The muffin I got for breakfast lept onto the floor, making a perfect hole in the powdered creamer spray, which quickly followed it to the floor.
• A pile of Stuff on the back of the couch decided to see if it could fly and failed spectacularly, hitting the seat cushion and bouncing to the floor.
• While filling the dog's water bowl, I spilled most of it down the front of me
• It's 8:25. If things get any better, I'll be on sick leave by 9.

It's a bad time to be someone who's not really fond of Tom Petty

• A woman in South Carolina ordered a yoga mat. When she opened it, she found 20,000 pills valued at $400,000 instead. Meh - yoga mat, $400k in illegal drugs, what's the difference?

Use the Stupid, Luke: a security expert recommends using a black marker to write 'PIN: 5372' on your ATM card. It increases incorrect PIN entries if the card is stolen. You are reminded NOT to use your REAL PIN.

• White House Chief of Staff John Kelly's personal phone has been hacked for over six months. Yes, that's right, six months. He sent the phone to IT for repairs, where the hack was discovered. He claimed not to use the personal phone for business. We have met the enemy and it is US.

Russian spies used Kaspersky Antivirus to swipe NSA exploit code, according to anonymous sources.

Well, that's the headline anyway.. the overly uncautious snoop took the code home and put it on his home computer, which was running Kaspersky Antivirus. It is alleged that Russian hackers used Kaspersky to identify the files and steal them. The claim is from 2015, because the public has no right to know. The NSA won't comment, as a matter of policy.  Because you have no right to know. 

For its part, Kaspersky vigorously denies any of this happened and has offered its source code to government officials. There are no reports of anyone taking Kaspersky up on its offer - just allegations which have not been proven. 

Kaspersky has been banned from government equipment and Best Buy has pulled it from their shelves. Until I see undeniable proof, I'm not inclined to believe this. This is very easy for me to say, as I run linux.

• Continuing the Annoyance Thread, I'm on an early evening business call, on speakerphone. At this exact moment, the tree people show up next door, to cut down a few trees. With loud gas-powered saws.

This week's definition of Mom: the lady who blew off an opportunity to get out and stayed home, making some sort of tuna meat loaf for the sick granddog. Marshall barely got a sniff of it and went face-down in his food bowl. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised - I grew up on her cooking and it was always good, if not great. This from a lady who, two months ago, was in a facility with dementia.

Harvey Irma Jose

Feeling under the weather, I decided rest was indicated. Anyone with all but the most acute powers of observation will not be able to tell the difference between Rest Mode and Non-Rest Mode. My neighbor felt sorry for me and decided to begin a large, noisy, external home improvement project. The banging was quite accomplished, but the loud machinery really drove the point home. Somehow they even managed to produce a loud noise that sounded like they were hammering chains into my walls, for what seemed like weeks, but in reality was just every hour I was awake.

Next day was much better. They waited til I was awake to start (7am). At certain points I felt my house literally shake, as if they were performing surgery on my house instead of next door. One day I'm likely to look out the window and find out what they're doing.  I have cataloged many separate and delightful noises emanating from this project: the Mowing Noise, the Pick on Concrete Noise, the Sledge into Bricks Noise, the Entire House Shaking Noise, and the Repeated BOOM Noise, which only surfaced when I used the phone.

Just for fun, there's a lot of noise coming from the other next door.  Both of my neighbors are elderly: the one who Marshall trained to feed him treats, and the one Satan crosses the street to avoid.

• Once again, a hurricane brought out the best and worst of humanity. Irma hit Florida with a vengeance and long before it hit, the volunteers were out, manning the help lines and trying to get help from more volunteers in the field.
• While the flood of volunteers manned the lines, an army of trolls did their best to interrupt communications. I have never heard anything like this before- with every request for help was one of these young miscreants, yelling obscenities and racist comments. This was completely unlike Hurricane Harvey communications. Maybe the Troll Alarm was sounded, and all the poisonous examples of subhumanity left their caves.
• All through the communications, there were less toxic examples of humanity, who wanted information on the weather, gas, and store openings in their personal neighborhood. These people were genetically incapable of using a search engine to check the information for themselves.
• Comcast and another local provider opened up their wifi hotspots and brought in mobile hot spots, allowing everyone unlimited access.
• People were posing as the electric company and robbing houses.
• While the storm was in its early stages, the looting started. One must note the can-do American spirit of the looters, who got out there, without consideration for life and limb, in the wind and rain, to steal things from other people. To feed their hungry families by stealing sneakers. To protect large screen tv's by taking them home.

Wife comes down the steps, says, "You're going to think I'm crazy" and disappears into the bathroom.  Ok, I'll play...

• Billions of Bluetooth-enabled devices are vulnerable to attacks across all operating systems. Google and Microsoft have released patches. I got a linux patch already. iOS before 10 is affected. Samsung smart watches, Smart TVs, and refrigerators also... This is Serious Stuff<tm>, people. Best practice is to keep Bluetooth turned off except when you must have it. Antivirus systems are unlikely to catch it. The beauty of this is that it shows us how unprotected we are and how manufacturers are unprepared to patch all their devices. The only positive here is that Bluetooth has a limited range, so it's more difficult to exploit.  Bother your vendors for a patch now.

Over in Afghanistan, three people died as a result of a suicide bomb blast in a cricket stadium. I told you sports are dangerous.

• The entitled are out again, this time demanding statues of people they don't like be taken down. And localities are acquiescing.
• My Demands:
• Being left-handed, I demand all statues of right-handed people be taken down. And that we get proper desk chairs in schools.
• I am also entitled to have statues taken down because I never got a statue taken down and others have.
• I want the Rocky Statue taken down because it's stupid and it's Philly's idea of culture.

Whither Kaprinsky: Kaspersky Antivirus (Kaprinsky or Kasper Sky, according to the Great Minds at my former employer) is up against the wall these days. The government has been ordered to replace it within ninety days because of alleged connections between Kaspersky and the FSB (formerly KGB). While no definitive connection has been established, the fear is that the FSB can request/compel them to provide data on systems 'protected' by it. Kaspersky has been given the opportunity to address the issues.

My natural inclination is to hold the phone until a connection is proven, but in the interests of safety, maybe this is a wise decision. Antivirus has privileged access to your files and operating system, so it would be a good way to obtain (or leave) data or programs. On the other hand, hackers are no doubt already in government (and other) systems. Having worked with quite a number of antivirii on a corporate level, I can safely say the all suck, in terms of deployment and operation. Best Buy will not be carrying it either.

• The new iDevice includes facial recognition, although I'm told it didn't work during the Big Announcement. While The Authorities may have trouble guessing your PIN, holding the phone up to your face is certainly convenient. Rest assured the law will be convoluted to make this work. It requires eyes to be open, so it will be more difficult to use on a dead body (make with that what you will). There is also a panic disable, which requires pressing a switch five times, that will disallow facial recognition unlock. There are other legal complexities around being compelled to give your fingerprint but not your PIN.
• This latest exercise in Apple Excess can be yours for the low low price of $1,000. Start lining up around the block, drooling, wide-eyed, wallet extended, to get yours now! We used to think $150 sneakers were ridiculously expensive.
• One of the latest flagship android phones is expected to hit $1,000 also, bringing up some questions... What the hell do you get for a grand that you didn't get for half that price (or less) on your current phone? 
• You'll certainly get a better camera, but I have not a qualm about my two year old phone's camera - the pictures are wonderful. One device has two cameras with different focuses.
• A faster processor: this would certainly be an incentive, although mine is pretty snappy.
• Better battery life: I hope. This is a huge one for most of us. Removable is a good feature too, so you can keep one charged as a spare. It's a shame you have to.
• Bigger and/or Prettier screen: some people aren't happy with the size of their screen (or much else)... larger or smaller. New layouts, for people who don't use their own launchers (Nova Launcher recommended-free).
• Facial recognition: if I didn't use eyeball tracking, imagine my thrill with facial recognition. Hint: it's probably in use on your driver's license.
• Sleek new case: please.
• Is it worth that price tag for the Latest and Greatest? I say no. In fact, if you wait a few months, there will be bigger and better, or you can purchase a gently used version at a considerable discount.

The most recent episode of South Park set off Google Home and Alexa devices. Go Matt and Trey!




As usual, I was minding my own business online, when things ground to a total halt. No amount of rebooting and troubleshooting turned up a cause. My cable modem indicated everything was fine. In situations like this, I love nothing more than interacting with Comcast (or most anyone else).

The automated service told me that my issue had nothing to do with any outages and actually sent me to a human, after a commercial for the NFL. Let's forget for a moment that I can't stand sports and concentrate on the obvious importance of an NFL commercial that you cannot bypass, while waiting to repair your internet service. The attempt to reset my modem had failed, then tried again and succeded. This was not particularly effective, as the modem did not indicate it was doing anything other than failing to go online, but they told me to wait ten minutes.

Ten minutes later, with no progress at all, I called again. This time the automated voice told me there was an outage in my area and expected restore time was four hours. So messing around with the modem earlier was a total waste of time.

Do you know the sheer hell visited upon you by being without internet for four hours? I'd rather go to the dentist than be sans internet for four hours. Fortunately my cell phone had lots of data, so I could tether my computer to it. Unfortunately, no matter what I tried, I could not get the computer hooked up to the phone. Connecting with a cable failed miserably, as did every single option I tried inside the phone. There is an actual button for wifi hotspot, that failed immediately, as did everything else.

Ever try using all your apps from a huge display on a cell phone? It worked, but not in a particularly useful way. Good thing I had many other things to do (that had absolutely nothing to do with porn).

Upon calling Comcast again, I was shocked beyond belief to speak to an Indian service representative (no I wasn't), but at least this lady spoke really good English and wasn't reading off a script. After re-rebooting the modem, it clearly showed there was an error. Mrs Service helpfully suggested that someone return the modem to Comcast and get a new one.

Because I'm that kind of guy, I had an upgraded modem, which seemed to surprise my rep, as she kept trying to get me to bring the defective modem back. After a bit of reiterating, I finally got her to accept my solution. I had to give her the new modem's MAC address.

At about this point, I discovered that I had a modem but not a manual, power supply, and whatever else came with the device. Mind you, I had the box it came in. This modem has been sitting around for a few weeks, migrating from this spot to the other, but always together. Not now, of course. Stuff just happens in my house. This was followed immediately by screaming. Unfortunately, screaming had to be modified, as I was doing it right into the phone.

One thing I note as I get older is that I cannot read small print. I used to be able to read things written on a grain of rice. Now I need Serious Magnification to read six point type. It's even more difficult after 12am, with very little light in the house.

Having solved the MAC issue, the rep told me to plug the device in, then started asking me questions about my router. Lady, if I had router issues, that would be my problem, not yours. If you get my modem set up and get signal to it, I'll handle any issues post-modem.

Apparently simply hooking a modem up and repeating a MAC address four times is not sufficient to restore internet service. There are things called hooks, put in somewhere to allow the original modem to work, and these need to be removed. Hooks.... somewhere at Comcast, there are a number of fish hanging on a line, each with a hook. They had to remove the fish and the hook so they could hang different kinds of fish, corresponding with my new modem. This is all because the old modem was brown and the new modem white.

Twenty minutes later, the helpful service rep sent what's technically known as The Magic Bullet to my modem, making the lights go all blinky and restoring service. Halleleujah! Only five hours to a solution.

Dear Mother Nature...

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Is There an Antivirus That Doesn't Suck?

Ok, let me qualify my question...  an enterprise antivirus that's easy to administer from a central point, doesn't require ridiculous amounts of rebooting or research, accurately detects machines across the enterprise, can push the install reliably, and doesn't take up every last resource being the end-all of multitasking be-all antivirus/antimalware apps?

My experience would suggest there is not.

When I arrived in the Twilight Zone, no one had any idea about antivirus.  There were a few rogue installs, probably not legitimate.  I got to work making sure every desktop had antivirus.  Back then, you had to update it yourself weekly (this was McAfee).  As usual, the human element screwed everything up and in spite of weekly reminders, people didn't update their clients.

Then we switched to Norton.  Symantec is the biggest nightmare I have ever experienced.  Whether it's antivirus, backup, or whatever else, Symantec will screw it up.  When the client became so bloated it would no longer perform efficiently, we switched.  Or rather, we tried.  Uninstalling NAV/SAV was so convoluted a process that sometimes we could have saved time re-imaging the machine.  Symantec had instructions to accomplish this task, and when I say instructions, I mean twelve different sets of instructions on twelve different web pages, none the same set.  I'll hazard a guess that even Symantec can't uninstall their own products.

We messed around with other products until we found Kaspersky.  The price was right, the client wasn't bloated, and the admin console was full-featured.  Ironically, when you called tech support for Symantec, you got India.  When you called Kaspersky, the Russian company, you got a Boston accent.  At its worst, a Boston accent still trumps an India accent (to our American ears, anyway).

Kaspersky has this great concept by which you can deploy an entire installation to a pc remotely.  Furthermore, it could remove other antiviruses.  Reality, on the other hand, was something entirely different.  It could not remove lint from a desktop.  And the install package blue screened almost every pc to which we deployed it.

Aside from that, it was ok.

Regardless of Bostonian accents, we were unable to get the install package working correctly.  We discovered that you had to deploy the Network Agent first (reboot), then the client (reboot).   After doubling our work, it only blue screened a few pc's, which was livable.

After somehow managing to get Kaspersky deployed across the enterprise, the admin console became unresponsive.  We had to develop tricks to keep it moving, eventually requiring a rebuild (HINT: use external SQL instance).

Mind you, this entire post deals exclusively with administration... I don't have a thing to say about the desktop clients.

Another reason I like Kaspersky is for the mispronunciations.  We've heard `Kaprinsky' and `Kasper Sky'.

Unfortunately the recent price increase started to put Kaspersky out of our reach.   I have been using Trend on our servers in order to have something additional but that also went through the roof.  After shopping around some more, we shook our heads sadly and decided we had no choice but to continue with Kaspersky.

After paying up, I started our wide-installation/update process.  And discovered that the `new' Kaspersky console sucked just as badly as the old one.  It only looked a little different.  The pc discovery function wasn't entirely useful, in that it kept pulling up old entries and failing for various reasons on install.  I also had to locate the new versions of installs, which don't seem to match the consumer varieties.

I've had it.  This is barely one step above going to every desk in the company and installing/upgrading manually.

If you've had positive experiences in the enterprise (and you haven't), please let me know.


As far as viruses, I haven't had one; either on the Windows machine or the linux machines.  I am completely protected on Windows but I surf very safely.