A Frightening Lesson in Futility

One of my very bright friends called me over the other day, because his computer was 'broken'. Broken is a very large word, meaning everything from it's slow to it's on fire. They say if you teach a man to fish, you'll teach a man to fish every day, and that's the case here. When I show him the problem and tell him how to make sure he doesn't cause it again, I watch his eyes glaze over. He is no longer hearing me. In fact, he's off somewhere in his Happy Place<tm>, perhaps on some island somewhere, sipping Dunkin Donuts coffee and reading a good pornographic medical tutorial for Continuing Education Credits.

I'm not positive, but I suspect this might be a clever defensive offensive mechanism... if he seems so seriously disconnected, people will get frustrated because it's faster to just fix it for him than to bring him back from wherever it is that he went.

The laptop is a really cute, thin jobbie. Unfortunately it's a Dell. Yesterday it was announced that certain new Dells shipped with malware already installed that will let a malicious entity (Dick Cheney) take over the computer (and presumably fly it into a building). As if this weren't enough, the interface was weird. And I'm talking weird for Microsoft, which is a stretch. It came to me in a blinding flash: this was WINDOWS 8. He bought a laptop with Windows 8. It hurts deep down inside that people shop for laptops without taking the operating system into account. What's worse, Windows 7 and 8 keep trying to turn into WINDOWS 10 [shudder].  I remember this idiotic screen system from the server version. You simply cannot find anything. It's that way on purpose. Microsoft got all their design people together in one room and distributed large quantities of mind-altering hallucinogenics. At this point someone had the brilliant idea to hide all of the familiar buttons and functions. START MENU? Who needs it? This idea met with raucous applause (and no small amount of reflexive vomiting and cheering).

So, after all the hangovers dissipated, the rework looked questionable but they went ahead and hid all the important functions and features in a way that no one would find them. Because it was good for us.
So there I was, attempting to find stuff. You know, to install helpful programs and tweak things. No start menu. It was like a flashback... PTSD... all the screaming about the server and the piece of crap alleged graphical interface. You can't get there from here. I also want to cause mental anguish to the guy who came up with the Ribbon, equal to the anguish the users feel.

I installed the Normal Windows Precaution Bundle (Firefox, Malwarebytes, CCleaner, Revo Uninstall) and did a cleanup (because you have to clean up the initial install of this alleged operating system). It was sluggish. It was ugly. It bothered me in a way an operating system shouldn't. I want to force Bill Gates to use his own operating system - that's a lot of punishment. Trying to make Internet Explorer open with a blank page was an exercise in futility, especially with the time (and patience) I had left. Mind you, it worked perfectly in Firefox.

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Next month is Frank Sinatra's 100th birthday.  He will not be celebrating.
However, precisely at midnight, alcohol vendors the world over will ring a bell.

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This is a really bad time of year for headlines about Turkey downing a fighter jet.


The staff, wives and pets of ThermoinicEmissions wish you a Happy Thanksgiving. We hope there's lots to be thankful for. I'm thankful that you stop by to read this.

Musical Stuff, Among Other Detritus

ZZ Top's touring!

As is Aerosmith.

Here is a cleaned-up film of a 1959 Fender factory tour.

Animal psychologists (no, really) discover music that pets prefer.
(Marshall likes Jeff Beck and the blues.)  I wonder how Zappa rates across species....

Internet activity 'to be monitored' under new UK laws...

This is ugly.  Once again, the populace willingly trades freedom for security (and gets neither).

US police using phone tracking as routine tool...

England may be a proving ground but the US always drives the point home.  Without oversight or warrants.
They further argue that cell tower data is not private.
Turn off your phones (yes, even while driving).

Ashton Kutcher to play Steve Jobs...

They deserve each other.

REPORT: Fmr. KGB chief commits suicide...

"He shot himself seven times in the head then hid the gun."

Hookers 'cleaned off London's streets' ahead of Olympics...

So much for private enterprise.  Bloody limey elitists.

Dell agrees to buy thin-client company Wyse Technology

You'll get the same Wyse performance with Dell's non-existent sales and service.

Somewhat belated: Will we be ruled by April Fools?

Is This A Good Time to be Italian? [the Goomba Dance]

As part of my extended Labor Day weekend, I had the pleasure of spending an evening with my parents, who I do not see enough.  We went over for the purpose of hanging out, eating (of course), and setting up their new laptop.

I'm not sure how this came about but my parents were given a brand new laptop - a stunning Dell with a seventeen inch monitor.  The thing was so heavy my mother couldn't lift it.  I believe this was considered a desktop replacement.  I love large monitors so I didn't have any trouble with it.

Well, that's not entirely true....  when I turned the thing on, to my horror, the setup routine started.... for Windows Vista [cue suspenseful music].  Anyone who has read more than two entries here knows that I'm not exactly a Microsoft enthusiast (kinda like Steve Ballmer isn't a Mac enthusiast).  I haven't spent more than ten minutes cumulatively with Vista, which suited me just fine.  The time I did spend with Vista was painful: let's just leave it there.

After an evening of good food, great company, and setting up a laptop, my total Vista exposure is now up to four and a half hours or so.  Yes, it took four and a half hours to set up Vista on a laptop and download/apply the updates.

The machine had a core duo processor and four gigs of RAM so I was hesitant to blame the performance (or lack of thereof) on hardware.  Therefore I blame it on the pig of an operating system called Vista.

I manage to tolerate Windows 7 (a pig with lipstick) relatively well, especially as I have to use it for work.  Vista, on the other hand, is enough to make me pull the remaining hair out of my scalp, set it on fire, and run around Redmond, demanding their acknowledgement that I am indeed a chicken.

I'm hoping my parents won't complain about the slowdown they experience, going from an old laptop with XP to a relatively new one with Vista.  They're currently thrilled to have email again, so we shall all remain hopeful.  The bootup sequence alone on this porcine excuse for an operating system in positively leaden.  Small wonder they sold four copies of it.

GOOMBAS?

During the interminable wait for Vista to load, my wife took advantage of my parents' cable connection to watch Real Housewives of New Jersey.

I am f-ing stunned.  There's simply no other way to put it.

Back at the homestead, we got rid of pay television due to finances and the utter wasteland comprising it.  We do not watch reality tv (or at least I don't) as a rule.  From the bits I've heard, it consists largely of people talking, ad nauseum, about themselves, as if everyone in the entire universe gave a rat's patootie.

Well, I don't like the way they keep house.  But enough about them, let's talk about me.

I had to think long and hard about a description for this debacle.  I'm a creative type, so I hate to let the opportunity get the best of me.   Try this on for size:

Real Housewives of New Jersey: It's like the Sopranos without all the witty dialog and attractive women.

I'm still stunned.

Yes, Virginia, those accents are real.   The breasts, however, are not.

I will admit to never having watched three seconds of Jersey Shore, for once letting my better judgment win the day.  But I have to say that if I were Italian, I would be quite upset at the portrayals in these shows.

Yes, there are people like this.  Hopefully they are in the minority.  I know tons of Italians, none of whom look, sound, or act like this.  In fact, I often tell people I'm Italian to confuse them.

If I didn't have a laptop with a pig of an operating system on which to operate, I would have gouged out my own eardrums.  I kept asking nicely if perhaps my wife was finished watching yet.  Then I brought out the sarcasm.  Unfortunately they sat there for hours and watched the twisted proceedings.  They kept describing it as a train wreck, from which you cannot turn away.

I don't know about you but I don't have any trouble not standing around, waiting for a train to crash.  I don't even listen to Amy Winehouse, fer chrissake.  I don't slow down to gawk at car accidents (or blinky police lights on the side of the road).  Yes, I'm one of a kind (thank your deities).

There were commercials interspersed between the tragedies.  Some of them were for Real Housewives of Different Neighborhoods.  Same idiots, different accent.

Yes, stereotypes are often hysterical.  I can laugh at almost anything.  But this isn't funny.

Bread and circuses.

Everyone will have fifteen minutes of fame.

The only funny outcome was the South Park episode we watched shortly thereafter.  Matt and Trey absolutely nailed them, throwing Snooky in for good measure.

It's a Jersey thing - you wouldn't understand.