Tuesday, June 30, 2015

When Temptation Knocks, Be Sure to Let It In

An Indian journalist has been burned alive after publishing allegations of corruption on Facebook.

Another senseless, Facebook-related death.


  • Why do we have laws? Because Obama supporters sign petition to nuke Russia. Although this was a prank, it was signed by many.  This must be why my local news has a social media reporter to share the wisdom of the Great Unwashed. Sorry, guys, I don't need to hear what the people on Faceyspaces have to say- it's not news.

Range Rover automatically detects, reports potholes to government.
In totally unrelated news, government blacklists rangerover.com domain.



  • Everybody's favorite stoner, Tommy Chong, has been diagnosed with rectal cancer. Unbothered, Tommy is looking forward to self-medication, with great interest. Let's send Mr. Chong good thoughts.

A study in the Journal of Abnormal Psychology, found in 1996, stated: "Homophobia is apparently associated with homosexual arousal that the homophobic individual is either unaware of or denies."  In short, the experiment 'hooked up' a bunch of men to a measuring device then showed them gay porn. The people most aroused were the ones who were the most homophobic.  Remember this when a politician or religious figure protests too much.


  • After much research, I have come to the conclusion that I am deeply offended by houndstooth. I had inadvertently transposed herringbone with houndstooth and wish to apologize to herringbone for the misunderstanding. I have nothing at all against herringbone; I am offended only by houndstooth.

Most kangaroos are left-handed. I was kinda hoping for a more high-profile example but as the ten-percent minority, we have to take what we can get. No word yet on dogs.


  • For some reason, it has been decided, wherever it is decided, that Alexander Hamilton no longer has the cache for the ten dollar bill. He will be replaced by an unspecified woman. Even though I oppose this strange idea, let me be a good sport and make a suggestion: Sophia Vergara.

Jeb Bush announced White House bid, saying 'America deserves better.'  And in that spirit, he called off his White House bid.


  • France has denounced revelations of NSA spying. As a precaution, France has taken the liberty of surrendering.

Da Tunes

Today's bit of musical fun comes courtesy of Robben Ford. Robben has played with everyone from Miles Davis to Michael McDonald to his own solo career. He's a guitarist's guitarist, while at the same time producing music most people can really like.  Check out Robben and phenom Joe Bonamassa jamming at a tribute to Leo Fender.  Also check out a concert with his band, The Blue Line. Great stuff!


Monday, June 22, 2015

Using the (V)agina Card

Big Pharma is working tirelessly on a female Viagra.
Before you go off wondering how far I'm going to go with this, I must assure you this is purely medical (almost).

It would seem that there's a campaign to get the FDA to approve flibanserin, a female Viagra. The campaign is comprised of women's groups and, strangely enough, the developer of flibanserin. The claim is that the FDA has a gender bias, in approving twenty six Erectile Dysfunction drugs for men and none for women.

On its surface, this looks like a legitimate claim. Spend a few more seconds with me and we'll see if we have the same opinion.

As it turns out, flibanserin has been studied and rejected twice by the FDA, due to the side-effects outweighing the benefits.

But it's gender-related, right?

This week, the FDA will consider flibanserin for the third time (due to pressure from these groups?).

Other women's groups say the above groups are making a mockery of the FDA approval process. Sounds about right to me.

Let's face it... reality would dictate that we need Big Pharma to come up with drugs that work and are marginally safe. If this were to happen, odds are the FDA would approve them (bribes and powerful friends help - think aspartame). The potential sales of this kind of pill would be in the billions of dollars. Do you think for a moment Big Pharma isn't working on it (aside from the above-mentioned political ploy)?

I'm all for a solution for women - I'd just prefer it to be a safe one.

=====================================


A woman who married her female partner last year without first divorcing her husband has pleaded guilty to bigamy and other charges in Virginia.

  • bigamy: one wife too many
  • monogamy: same


====================================

Speaking of cards, I need one. I need one simple card or phrase I can pull out to deflect all criticims.  Black people can use the R-card (racism), Jews have the A-card (antisemitism) and, as you see above, women have the V-card. Now that I have completely alienated the NAACP, the ADL and most (if not all) women, let's get down to business.

I don't fit into any of the accepted minority groups. In fact, as a white male, I'm considered responsible for most of the world's ills. So you see, I need my own card.  I'm thinking the L-card. Yes, left-handed rights! Lately the press is full of people bemoaning the lack of women in tech (funny, I've always worked with women), demanding and setting up programs to recruit women in tech.

This raises yet another bugaboo: equal opportunity regulations. Forgetting for a moment the libertarian belief that the government has no business messing with business, do we need these kinds of laws? My personal belief is that the most qualified candidate should get the job, period.  Let's think about this a second.... Man #1 qualifies for the local police, with a score of 92 on his entrance exam. Woman #1 is hired due to EEOC regulations, with a score of 79.  Do you want your police to have the 'correct' amount of minorities on the force or the highest-scoring test-takers? They may be at odds with each other.

From now on, whenever something doesn't go my way, I shall whip out (uh-oh) and use the L-card. Not hired? That's dexterism. Passed over for a promotion? It's obviously because they gave my less-qualified right-handed colleague the job. I demand the EEOC enact regulations requiring a certain amount of dexterously-correct hires. A quota of southpaws. A lorry of lefties. A sack of sinisters. A sizable stack of satan's spawn. Lefty Rights!

And now even more people can hate me!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


A senior official in the Malaysian state of Sabah blamed naked tourists for the deadly quake of 6/5/15. Yes, Joseph Pairin Kitingan says this tragedy is connected to a group of Western tourists who recently posed nude on the peak and allegedly cursed at a local guide for trying to prevent them from stripping. Mr Pairin says the tourists made the spirits of the mountain angry.

This brings to mind the fellow who said that abortion was responsible for earthquakes in Mexico.


And now we know.

P.S. The world has yet to come up with a slur exclusively for Malaysians. I suspect they may be feeling left out.

 +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


I just read an article stating undercover DHS testing revealed that 95% of items could be smuggled through airport security. Read that again: ninety five percent of screeners failed.

The article took a somewhat surprised tone. I just shook my head.. from the beginning I have stated that Homeland Security is Security Theater.  Security Theater is a program staged for the benefit of its viewers but without any serious thought toward its stated purpose.  Another example is the Patriot Act. The FBI and various letter agencies have admitted that the illegal interception of ALL of our data has not stopped one single case of 'terrorism' (Admitted Security Theater). Despite this, our president, McConnell and the always entertaining Feinstein are demanding the Patriot Act be reinstated. Constitutional rogues and political failures.

Do we really need the government protecting us like this? At the cost of our liberties?


The TUNE SPOT

When you're an instrumentalist and people who aren't musicians respond to your playing and songs, you're doing it correctly. Few do it more correctly than Eric Johnson.  Hailing from Austin, TX (like Stevie Ray Vaughan), Eric plays like no other and has sent many a guitar player back to his solitary room to practice and practice and practice again. He has speed, tone, and phrasing down.

Few guitarists win a Grammy award, but Eric did in 1991 for Best Rock Instrumental Performance. The song is Cliffs of Dover. I have even heard it on Rock radio stations. This is the live version, because it's faithful to the studio version and it gives you an idea of what he's like live and the things he can do. Here's Zap, from the same concert in Austin. Here's a concert in 1997, at LA's House of Blues.

Mrs. lefty and I stood almost at Eric's feat for a show in Philly. Most recently we saw him on the Experience Hendrix tour of 2014. Mrs. lefty was spellbound and loves listening to his songs. You will too (my advice is worth exactly what you're paying for it).

Monday, June 15, 2015

He Was Threatening to Hurt Himself So We Shot Him

You will be relieved to know that Pussy Galore is back in a new 007 novel. Or, as it used to be pronounced, Pushy Galore.


  • As if the race to the 2016 presidential election weren't hilarious enough, Rick Santorum has thrown his bible into the ring. This embarrassment hails from Pennsylvania, my adopted home state (I'm Martian-American). Santorum, a Christian Conservative, is against abortion, gay marriage and sanity. If you want to keep your woman in the kitchen, vote for Rick.


The North Korean Defense Chief was just exectuted. A lot of people naysay the impact and importance of regular executions.


  • Nasa's Messenger spacecraft recently ended its mission by slamming into Mercury. If there is indeed any intelligence watching our planet, they're not getting a good picture of us. Just a few years ago, we bombed our own moon.


Formerly secret Scotland Yard files reveal that the UK police feared that Trekkies could turn on society. Set phasers on stupid, Spock.


  • Don't look now but there's a lawsuit against Yahoo for reading email. Surprise surprise... after the news that Google reads your Gmail, now we find out that Yahoo reads not only your Yahoo email, but email sent to Yahoo addresses. Remember: if the service is free, your privacy is the price.


The European Food Safety Authority has decreed that more than five cups of espresso can be dangerous to your health.  I suspect that the danger would result from bouncing off walls. If you drink more than five cups of espresso, you've got bigger problems anyway.


  • The other day my ears came alive after I heard my wife say "You're too big - I can't take it all." She was talking to her dinner plate.



I just came across this... great words from Archbishop Desmond Tutu:
It doesn’t matter where we worship or what we call God; there is only one, inter-dependent human family. We are born for goodness, to love – free of prejudice. All of us, without exception. There is greater commonality in our belief systems than we tend to credit, a golden thread expressed in the maxim that one should treat others as one would like others to treat oneself.


LISTEN HERE

Joe Walsh is without a doubt the clown prince of rock and roll. Brought in to ease tensions in the Eagles, Joe did that and more. Some of you may remember him from his days in the James Gang, featuring their 1971 hit, Walk Away. Aside from being hysterical, Joe is a great guitar player and has written some rock classics and some softer stuff that rarely sees the light of day.

Famous for his musical antics as well as his substance abuse, Joe recently got clean and has done some good work, notably his latest release, Analog Man. Check out Family.

Here's Joe at the Crossroads Festival, performing his well-known Funk #49. You'll notice that the bass player suspiciously resembles Duck Dunn and the other guitarist looks like Steve Cropper, both of Booker T and the MGs. The beginning of the song is not what you think it is.

One of my many favorite Joe Walsh tunes is At the Station. It's even better with headphones, as you can hear the Leslie whirring from one side to the other. The harmonized guitars make the song. Enjoy!

Thursday, June 11, 2015

Doggie Do

Tissues, or rather, many many pieces of tissues, continue to appear in the house. The dog has a thing for shredding tissues and he prefers used ones. I have mentioned (I think) the progression of trashcans:

  1. Regular Can: he sticks his head in, like a smorgasbord, and gets the tissues
  2. Tall Can: he knocks it over and gets the tissues
  3. Tall, Expensive Electronic Can: can flipped out and randomly opened and closed the lid, flipping out the dog
  4. Foot-Operated Can: finally - there is no way a spaniel can figure out how to step on a lever!
Recently, tissues have started popping up, with no apparent source. Aside from the ones my wife leaves on the floor before throwing out, there are no tissues anywhere but in the foot-operated cans.

The only thing worse than finding shredded tissues all over the floor is finding them in bed. Flummoxed, we couldn't figure out how he was getting them so we decided to do the American thing and just ignore it. Until last night, when I walked into the bedroom, just in time to watch him nudge the lid up with his snout, take a tissue and shred it.  Caught, he wagged his tail and put on his best Gee, Dad, I wasn't stealing tissues from the trash can look.

Eventually I'm going to remember that it's a bitch when your pets are smarter than you and just stop trying.


A Tune or Two

I like a lot of bands but very few are favorites.  Little Feat is a favorite.  They have the best rhythm section there is (for my money - sorry Led Zep). Everything they do is funky, like New Orleans on speed. Here are two signature tunes, Fat Man in the Bathtub and Rock and Roll Doctor, from a live special in 1975.

The singer/guitarist, Lowell George, was a founding member who also played in Zappa's Mothers of Invention. Fat Man in the Bathtub is for him.  The man could sing like an angel and play slide like an old black man at the Crossroads.  He did not use a traditional slide; instead preferring a Craftsmen 11/16" socket (because the 5/8" socket presumably didn't sound as good). Lowell died of an overdose, in bed. Unfortunately Richie Hayward, the drummer, died recently of cancer. 

Fat Man has a groove that is beyond infectious. It's was a common opener and never failed to get the audience up and moving. To hell with the Dead, Feat Audiences never stopped (and didn't require half the drugs). After you get done, listen to Waiting for Columbus, the 1975 live album. Sure enough, it starts with Fat Man and only gets better.  

The Feat got back together after Lowell's death, featuring several singers. They currently tour with Paul Barrerre (the other guitar player) as the singer and Fred Tackett on second guitar.  Do NOT miss then when you get the chance. Listen to their entire catalog and move your posterior.

Monday, June 8, 2015

The Best Laid Plans.... Don't Get Laid

We have food trucks at work. That is about the most positive thing I can say about them. One of them featured Jamaican 'food'. One of my coworkers was talking to another, saying she didn't eat the curried goat because it's too spicy. To be honest, I don't eat the curried goat because it's goat.

Because my wife tithes to Dunkin Donuts, I noticed their new HUGE banner for bacon guacamole flatbread. I'd like to order a bacon guacamole flatbread - hold the guacamole and the flatbread.

Speaking of which, we recently discovered that, in addition to water ice, the dog loves banana splits. To be specific, he loves splits, without banana in them. He's a chip off the old block. Have you ever seen a dog eat an ice cream cone? I always wonder what's going through his head..... hmmm... this ice cream isn't water ice but it's really good. Since it's harder than water, I guess I should bite it - as he takes a bite out of my wife's ice cream. She's flabbergasted but not flabbergasted enough to stop him from trying to eat the actual cone. He liked the cone too. 

Don't get me wrong - the only people food he gets is whatever lands on the floor before we can pick it up, just like the cat. Funny, both of them sit at my wife's feet while she's eating.


THE WAR

Speaking of work, I've apparently entered the War Between Workers. Nobody officially declared war or even bothered to tell me that we have wars, yet here I am.  The shame of it all is that it's a silent war - The War of the Trashcan.

Every day I launch things into the trashcan under my desk.  It's quite a functional trashcan, black, and protected from my every day abuse by the ubiquitous clear baggie-looking-thing.  Every morning I arrive and the aforementioned trashcan has moved out from underneath my desk to right by my cube's opening. This creates quite the issue when I stumble into work and attempt to throw a bit of trash into the can under my desk, totally and completely missing the can.

So my only obvious conclusion is that I'm in a silent war. My opponent is not only laughing at me because my morning trash winds up on the floor, but also because even when I aim it at its new (temporary) location, I still miss the can. This is why I don't play sports. This and the memories of childhood friends, screaming, "HEY LEFTY - YOU'RE RUNNING THE WRONG WAY!"

I'm not typically a warlike guy, especially with coworkers (even the one who sighs wearily, snores and curses every ten minutes, driving me up the wall of my cube and onto the ceiling).... I sought a middle ground. I literally put the can halfway between the desk and the cube exit. And every morning, it's back in its other spot, as if some sort of Facilities Deity has declared it so.

Or it's just some sort of idiotic incentive (probably from my wife) to get me to move a little. Or at all.


SPEAKING OF CANS...

I live across the street from the House That Ate the Neighborhood.  It used to be a nice house that blended into the neighborhood in a pleasant way.  Then came the first add-on, a porch.  Then an additional two-car garage.  Then a porch that surrounded the house and the two-car garage. Then a third floor.  The neighbors have been busy pulling plans and permits at the township - it turns out he has an underground swimming pool, three levels under the house, plus a Very Deep Level, where he keeps his armaments, food stores, and surveillance equipment. My wife is jealous, as she tends to use the Manual Surveillance Mode, whereupon she sits on the front steps and watches the comings and goings of the denizens. "Hey, Patricia's home early from work."

So there's another house down the street which has had its porch under construction for a year. Mind you, this is not the type of porch that can be mistaken for an addition or another bedroom. It's a standard porch - the kind that should be populated with some rocking chairs, a swing, plus an occasional toothless relative. Two weeks ago, out of the blue, the porch had been completed. No idea whether it completed itself or had outside assistance.

Two days later we drove by to see that someone had started a large-ish extension on the side of the house.

Uh-oh.
It's (as they say) ON.

The sensors across the street at the first house set off the alarm. Without declaring anything, the Silent War starts. It starts with an extension. Then House #1 counters with a patio. A screened patio. House #2 parries with a heated sun room. The stakes rise when House #1 annexes the house next door, like Hitler took Poland. House #2, not one to be upstaged, calls in the township, which has laws about Stuff Like This.  In addition to not being allowed to run Slinkys across your back yard, you also can't annex a neighboring house (Hitler notwithstanding).  Pretty soon they'll be lobbing wheelbarrows and dump trucks at each other. The collateral damage will be horrendous.

This is not going to end well. Or soon.

[UPDATE]
I thought we might have seen it all but I was seriously mistaken. There is yet a THIRD house undergoing major reconstruction. Neighborhood War I will be upon us in short order.


AND NOW, THE MUSIC

Today's musical gem is features Sass Jordan. She's one of my favorite female vocalists. Very few know that Sass was invited to spend some time at the Van Halen compound when they were looking for a new singer. I think VH made a terrible mistake in not hiring her. Gary Cherone?

Forgetting for a moment her model-like looks, the woman can just plain sing. She can do slow, she can do fast, she can Janis it out. She also has a great range. While she's more popular in her home of Canada, she needs to be heard round the world. I saw a video of her band recently, where she walked up to the mic with a beer and belched right into it.  Who can NOT love a woman like this?

Make You a Believer is some straight ahead rock, starting with its main riff and going all the way through to its church-like refrain, 'I will make you a believer' at the end.

If you'd lke to hear her softer side, check out You Don't Have to Remind Me. This lady has balls.


Monday, June 1, 2015

Hold Onto Your Ankles, it's Healthcare Time

I started my job a while back but just became eligible for benefits. This is stupid, as employers can grant benefits at any point. I have been delaying signing up because I didn't want to look at the coverage and costs.
It was worse than I thought.

WHAT?

The recruiter who got me hired gave me a benefits package, indicating that the least expensive insurance came with a two thousand dollar deductible.  Yes, you read that right - a two thousand dollar deductible! Sheer lunacy.  And this was the least expensive plan.

After further research, I realized that the recruiter gave me old information: the deductible was fifty five hundred dollars.  This is, quite frankly, not insurance.  It's catastrophic coverage for the price of very expensive health insurance. To back up a bit, health insurance used to cover hospitalization; you paid cash for doctors. When insurance expanded to cover doctors, rates went through the roof. As rates continued to skyrocket, HMOs were introduced. These promised to lower the cost of healthcare. They failed miserably.

Healthcare, to be truthful, is broken beyond repair.

WHO?

Some of our politicians decided to 'help' fix healthcare. This is never a good idea, yet the current occupant of the White House shoved his plan through. And he touted himself a hero.

And he IS a hero, to the two groups that benefit: the poor and the insurance industry, who won big on this gamble with our money. The poor get insurance, with a financial assist.  Who does the assist come from? Healthier people, who need less services, and people who make more than the poor, whose premiums are jacked up through the ceiling and have outrageous deductibles. The insurers benefit because everyone is required to purchase insurance (thank you Supreme Court) and the government is now the enforcement arm of the insurance industry.

Government has no place in healthcare, especially if it involves fixing things. I only have to point to Medicare, Social Security and Medicaid to make my point. Do you want these people involved with your healthcare? Look at socialized medicine in England and Canada - it's a mess there too. We shouldn't have to choose between messes.

In the end, Obama et al have not fixed the system: they've tacked premiums onto the mess. If he were truly interested in a fix, he'd have fixed the system, not created a new mess. But we know where his interests were. We also know that the insurance companies drafted the law.

I have a decent job, thankfully.  Unfortunately, a huge percentage of my income goes to healthcare already, for my wife. This is also due to the insurance nightmare, plus the same group of thieves who messed with insurance earlier and raised rates and screwed Medicare recipients via their Donut Hole, wherein insurance doesn't have to cover much medicine after a certain amount, no matter how sick the insured.  So we can add my wife's premiums and payments and non-covered items to my healthcare coverage, which turns out to be four hundred dollars per month, plus the aforementioned fifty five hundred dollar deductible.

The number one cause of bankruptcy is medical expenses. Fix THAT, Obama (and puppetmasters).


------------------------------------

There is simply no way to top that, so I'll just throw in a few Mental Health Musings:


  • I’m depressed and dyslexic: it takes me forever to get out of deb.
  • I long for the good old days, when bipolar disorder was manic depression.
  • My wife has multiple personalities: they all hate me.
  • My brother is a healthy depressed schizophrenic: the voices are too tired to speak to him.
  • My other brother is a drunk schizophrenic: his voices just slur and tell him they love him, man.


MUSIC MAN SAYS...

My first guitar idol was the Ultimate Lefty: Jimi Hendrix. Jimi occupies a special place in my heart. He died in 1970, way too soon and way too early for me to have seen him live. The man practically invented rock guitar, no small feat. He also put Marshall amplifiers on the map (oh, is that why you named your dog Marshall?). We still have not caught up to Jimi.

There is no way to pick one great Jimi song, so I'll give you one of my favorites: Manic Depression. This song never fails to get me going - it should do the same to you, with it's catchy hook, great rhythm and a drumbeat that tends to confuse drummers.

There are precious few songs that reach down into me and make the hair on my neck stand at attention. This is one - Jimi's version of the Star Spangled Banner at Woodstock. No one had ever made those noises with a guitar before. Or since (I can do a poor impersonation).