Memo to Tzipi's Alligator

Your love is like pulling out nose hairs



Dear lefty

• Do I curtsy upon meeting the Queen?
• sure - make sure you wear your fanciest dress, Bob. They love that shit in England.

No Good Deed Ever Goes Unpunished
Police are looking for man handing out free heroin; multiple overdoses connected.

• San Francisco may allow 16/17 year olds to vote 
• I'm against this: many 30 year-olds shouldn't be allowed to vote.

Russian election interference continues, unstopped: Ivanovich says Biden is ahead in some polls, but then again, Putin was behind in some polls.


Over the weekend, we were not allowed into a very popular guitar chain, because my service elephant was not wearing a mask. They're already on the verge of bankruptcy; wait til I get done suing them. Americans with Disabilities Act, animal cruelty, the court of the internet, and the court of ThermionicEmissions (which acts like a dictatorship, with a semi-benign dictator).



Major league sports is having a problem. Their fans desperately want to get back to major league sports, but they can't get into the stadiums in significant numbers. They're also very unhappy about non-sports activities, booing the players' SJW shows. I think the fans are going to give up after their teams start to play horribly, because they spent so much time arguing and choreographing their protest rituals, they forgot to practice their actual sport.

We refuse to practice as long as people of color are arrested.
Ok, but we still have to not take the field during the national anthem.
But how can we take a knee if we're not on the field during the national anthem?
COACH!
Yes?
Smith wants to stay off the field during the national anthem, but Babbit wants everyone to take a knee during the national anthem.
Hmmm... well, how about not taking the field during the national anthem, but coming out on the field afterward, then taking a knee?
Oh...   Coach, you're the best.

Coach?
Yes?
In solidarity with Black Lives Matter, I won't be catching any balls.
Humphries, the entire point of the sport is to catch the balls.
See? People will notice better when I stand on my head when the ball goes by.
Look, I don't mind you protesting, but what's the point of putting you out there?
So I can show solidarity with... umm.. .BLM.
OK, Schmitt - you back Humphries up.
Can't, Coach.
Why not?
I can't touch any balls touched by white people, in solidarity with the Palestinians.
Schmitt, the Palestinians are white.
But.... but...  My wife is feeding me stuff again. Don't I look the fool?

Coach?
Yes, DeLance?
In solidarity with the rest of the team's solidarity, I won't be coming out of the locker room.
DeLance, the team spent thousands on therapy because you wouldn't come out of the locker room - don't blame it on solidarity. It's called a relapse. Call your doctor.

Coach?
What now, George?
I... I... I want to come out of the locker.
Is it too crowded with DeLance there?
I'm trans.
I see. Keep the new boobs well-protected.

[ring]
Coach, it's for you.
Yes. Yes. I see. Yes, thank you.

Ok, guys (and soon to be girl), that was the general manager. You're going to be docked for each minute you're not on the field, playing.

TEAM: What time do you want us on the field, Coach?

• Is there a sign somewhere outside the house that says Fun Time for Birds? There's another one flying around.... every door and window is shut. Thus far, the Great Hunter hasn't moved from her perch to dispatch the intruder.
• Great hunter woke up: I don't think barking and whining at prey helped catch it. Does evolution laugh at the spaniel that catches birds and sleeps in the bed, on Mommy's legs?

Unrelated:
The NFL would like to introduce its new general manager, Colin Kaepernick.
Kaepernick welcomes the chance to have the NFL serve him and to steer the League into a more socially-acceptable role. He stated that after a few years, they might even play a little football, but for now they have a lot of battles to fight, off the field.

• Scientists discover area of brain that controls sexual desire in men
• it's a very wide swath, roughly from the front to the rear 

The grandson of former president Warren G Harding wants to have his remains exhumed to prove a DNA match. The grandchildren of former vice president Spiro Agnew want to have his remains exhumed, so people will say Spiro Agnew again.



At least 1 humpback whale remains in an Australian river after making a wrong turn and getting lost. Hollywood has postponed its Affirmative Action Runup to the Oscars and is on its new campaign: GPSes for the Whales! Gwyneth Paltrow and Bette Midler almost drowned, when the whale failed to recognize them.

• A dear departed coworker said I hate the sound of laughter. She's wrong: you need to see the Comedy Wildlife Photography Awards 2020 contenders.

Alleged computer hacker Lauri Love: Living with my autism.

Hacker Gary McKinnon: I'm autistic, you can't extradite me.

Me: I can't hack - I'm not autistic enough.

• Oregon's Firefighting Helicopters Are Deployed in Afghanistan as the State Burns
• yes, but... but... they're fighting for our freedoms!!! 

Please don't use Internet Explorer. It's got more holes than Swiss cheese; like Windows, but worse. It's time to drag yourself into the 90s and find something else. I mention this because of an expanding malvertising issue (an ad injects Bad Stuff into your browser). A newer browser will allow you to install an ad blocker, so you won't have to deal with malvertising and you won't have to deal with advertising at all. I'll tell you how well they work: I don't see ads. When I look at someone's computer without an ad blocker, I'm astounded at the number and intrusiveness of ads. I recommend Firefox. While Chrome/Brave/Opera/Vivaldi will work, they're all Chrome knockoffs and may phone home to Google. Iridium is built on Chrome but de-Googled. Firefox has never failed me. Install the Ublock addon and no ads. No junk. Very simple. Also go to this site and follow the directions to install a new HOSTS file. The 2 suggestions will help you a lot.

• The system the pr0n industry uses to track HIV works so well, experts are considering it for the Flying AIDS.
• Once again, pr0n saves the day

Sting Left the Police and is now In the Navy

Final Sign of the Apocalypse

Facebook to take board seat at Linux Foundation after signing as Platinum member.  It was nice knowing some of you.

• Dontcha hate it when some idiot posts a stupid request to the entire email list, then the bigger idiots hit Reply-All to complain about it? Email is so new, these people must not realize how to operate it....

Praise Idiot Mayor: The restaurants will be allowed to open, and even serve food, on September 8, IF Flying AIDS numbers go down. There will be a few restrictions...

• No food will be served inside. Or outside.
• The sales tax will go up a few points, cuz this is Philly.
• There must be an odd number of people at a table
• You can't sit at a bar, but feel free to enjoy our new 8% beverage tax
• Black people and other preferred minorities will get choice of seating (this mayor is a piece of work- I'm not kidding)
• Only a small percentage of seats can be filled. Take the cost of running the restaurant and halve it to get the percentage.
• There will be a small, 50% 'temporary' parking tax
• Your car will be torn up even worse, cuz we stopped doing anything at all with the roads (worse than normal)
• Masks must be worn while eating

The NFL has an idea to bring football back during the pandemic!
The terribly well-off team owners and individual millionaires will hire people to play for them, so they don't get the Flying AIDS. The victims new players will be recruited from local gridirons and couches everywhere. Since they'll play for almost nothing to get on tv, the teams can stock up on them, so they can replace them when they get sick. It's positively brilliant: the filthy rich team owners will get to keep their money, as will the millionaires, and only licensed vendors can sell ridiculously expensive shirts, or Homeland Security will bust a cap in their asses.


Your love is like  sawing your own arm off with a spoon


Speaking of the Flying AIDS, I was listening to some police radio from Chicago. In 10 minutes, there were 2 calls from 'anonymous sources' about parties with no social distancing or masks. I propose new regulations: before Sally Snitch or Tommy Tattletale calls the police about a mask or distancing issue, they be required to give their name, which will be posted on the police website. End of issue.

Europe's Top Health Officials Say Masks Aren't Helpful in Beating COVID-19
Did you know Switzerland hasn't used masks or distancing and is doing well?
Not to worry, the advice will change next week.


A newspaper headline asks, "Joe Biden: where does the US presidential hopeful stand on key issues?"  How the hell should he know?



NCSU researchers said they ran 66,606 telephone lines between March 2019 and January 2020, during which time they said to have received 1,481,201 unsolicited calls -- even if they never made their phone numbers public via any source.


Things are so much more secure since I went with ridiculously long, complex passwords. The ironic part is not getting into sites because I put my name in wrong.

• Goog assistant privacy settings. Use them.

Mrs lefty got to chat with a cocker neighbor the other day. A black couple, she's had it with her husband putting up BLM signs on the lawn, but decided not to fight that battle. Both of us recently lost dogs. She realized Mrs lefty was walking Penny and said she was sorry we lost Marshall. His legend lives on.

• RUSH NEWS: Painting eyes on cow butts helps ward off predators

Experiments in quantum physics have proved you don't exist.
Further, the Wigner paradox is real. Remember Schroedinger's Cat? That little bastard was in and out of my house, tearing things up and fighting with the dog. Wilma Flintstone went into a sealed room, looking to see if the cat was dead or alive. Fred Flintstone was outside the sealed room, measuring. Wilma determines the feline is alive, largely due to its motion. Fred hasn't made an observation yet so he sees Wilma in the unique female position of seeing the cat dead and alive. When Fred takes a peek, the cat could possibly be dead, contradicting Wilma's observation (this is perfectly normal in marriage). The scientific conclusion is that you never send your spouse to check on anything involving quantum physics, and you better hope there's no dog to see the cat. Always remember: a quantum particle, or a woman, can be on, off, or both.

• Microsoft will be ending support for Internet Explorer 11 in 2021. Until then, they're busy drilling security holes in the new Edge browser.

We're at the 100th anniversary of the 19th Amendment, giving women the right to vote. Women's lives matter. We're all human. No one is chattel.


The world's largest cruise line, Carnival, was hit with ransomware.
I don't know about you, but after ships hitting stationary objects, Flying AIDS onboard, toilet failures, and now ransomware, these guys couldn't protect their ships from dust.


The Pentagpon announced on Friday that it had elevated the status of its UAP task force following pressure from Congress and the fact that multiple instances have been reported of unknown objects reportedly making incursions into military airspace.

Cut it out, willya? Now the taxpayers are funding two Pentagon UFO groups; the original one, and the new one. Another part of the psyop or Grand Plan<tm>. Don't forget - the government has spent untold amounts of time, money, and effort to convince you these don't exist. Or that they didn't affect national security. Now there's a group to study them?  As for Congress, they're pissed they're not included in the knowledge. This subject is classified so tightly, the president can't access it.

SJW Slump

A major British medical school is leading the drive to eliminate what it calls "inherent racism" in the way doctors are trained in the UK.


[UK] Body positivity campaigners say the government's obesity strategy "blames" bigger people for Covid-19.

What to do when a person of color shouts ALL LIVES MATTER at your largely white BLM rally? A serious SJW issue.

The news went to sports, specifically basketball: on the court, in large black letters, was BLACK LIVES MATTERS. Does this mean BLM is sponsoring the team?

It's a Sign!

It was early in the morning, my body still in a state of shock from being awakened to go to work, when I saw the article: "Boston Red Sox Caught Using Technology to Steal Signs".

Like any decent geek, I asked myself what the hell the Boston Red Sox would need with signs? Would they put them in the parking lot? Make a Sign Museum? Put them on the field to confuse the opposing team?

OH - hand signs between the catcher and the pitcher. Cameras all over the place watch players, figure out the signs, then relay them to the coach via an Apple watch or Fitbit.

Kids- if you ever wonder about the effects of growing up without a father (and being smart but kinda dim), here it is.

• They broke the mold after me. By popular request.

There was an insane amount of football chatter all over the place the other day. By this I divined that there was a lot of football, and the Great Unwashed Sheep were at it again, this time distracted by a ridiculous controversy over sitting, standing, taking someone's knee, or masturbating while the national anthem is playing.

We have real problems in the country and the world, yet we fall for this Divide and Conquer nonsense every time. Bread and circuses.

• Where will you spend eternity? Here's one idea. Mine would be a huge guitar or booby. 

It pains me to say this, but if you have an iDevice, hold off on iOS11. No. wait, it doesn't pain me.. what's that other thing? It amuses the hell out of me. There is an issue if you use the operating system with Outlook 365 that won't allow you to get your mail. Just for fun, the other issue is that the battery drains at twice the normal rate. Aside from that, it's perfectly ok.

• This is a winner: Muslim nurses in the UK refuse to wash hands before medical operations, say it 'compromises religious beliefs'. I wonder if they would prohibit the surgeon operating on them from washing his hands. Oops, sorry, my religious beliefs demand infections. As if that weren't good enough, administrators have granted them an exception. Don't offend them by asking them to wash their hands!

So you're on one of twenty ships in the Black Sea, and your ship seems to be in the sea, then at an airport, then back in the sea, you've probably been the victim of GPS spoofing. Or the Philadelphia Experiment is happening, in which case it's advisable to stay away from walls and hover over the deck. Assuming spoofing, there was a demonstration a number of years ago, in which a briefcase with about $1,000 of equipment performed this experiment, this time it's Real Life<tm>.

In 2015, the US Naval Academy, aware of this spoofing, opted to reinstate instruction in celestial navigation. You know - navigating by the stars, like sailors have been doing since the beginning of time. Of course it's only a matter of time til the Russians hack the stars...

• HEALTH WARNING: Swedish Fish have been known to pull crowns out. That is all.

A thirteen year old Brooklyn boy suffered ruptured testicles after exiting a train via the window and surfing on top of it.  No one could have seen this coming. It's only a matter of days until his parents sue, blaming the train for not having signs that say WARNING: DO NOT EXIT VIA WINDOW AND JUMP ON ROOF. But ruptured testicles.....

• A man accused of robbing a Fresno, CA Starbucks is suing the man who stopped the robbery for 'excessive force.' The thief's mommy said that the man who wrested the knife away didn't have to stab her son so many times to subdue him.  Furthermore, the man is suing the police for calling him a bad name and hurting his feelings. Since this is California, he probably has a chance at a win.

I'm looking for it.

If I find it, I'll let you know.

I've heard the process is more important than finding it.

I have no idea.

The Day After the Day After

Our friends over at Volvo have stated that hackers are the real problem for self-driving cars. Really? Not crappy code that doesn't take security seriously?

• Trans-species Transvestite Dog: Marshall has recently trained us to respond to his every whim via loud, urgent whining, whether it's needing water or something serious. At roughly 3am, the Marshall Alarm went off again. He was in the corner of the bedroom, with a dress wrapped around his neck. Kinky? Autococker Asphyxiation?

My buddy has had cancer two times. He's now working on number three. He has no sense of taste. While getting chemotherapy, he walks to and from a full time heavy job. He does not utter a syllable of doubt, regret, or upset.. he just goes on.  I need to remember this next time I have a backache...

• Celebgate 3.0: Yes, once again there's been a breach, resulting in photos from the phones of celebrities being leaked. This time it's Miley Cyrus, Stella Maxwell, Kristen Stewart, Tiger Woods, Lindsey Vonn, and Katharine McPhee. This attack starts with phishing. Don't click on stuff, celebrities and real people. Ramp up your security settings. Don't use THE CLOUD. Don't use iDEVICES - this hack was 100% iHACK.
• In the interests of science, we shall attempt to locate the site that published the pictures, so you know what kind of material to avoid putting in THE CLOUD from your iDEVICES.

Are you currently a college student? Did you attend college? I got a queasy feeling while reading this article on your information being available from the college itself. There doesn't seem to be any good reason for the information to be out there but of course there's legislation behind it: The Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act. As we know from reading ThermionicEmissions, every piece of legislation works the opposite of its name. Since it says privacy, you have none. There is an opt-out and it's up to you to find it. But wait - it gets better... if medical records are requested, they lose HIPAA protection!

• One hundred percent of government IT workers said employees are the biggest threat to cybersecurity. PEBKAC: Problem Exists Between Keyboard And Chair.

Charles Barkley has been labeled a white supremacist for telling black people to stop killing each other. He sure is going to look funny at the white supremacist rallies.

This will backfire when almost everyone is labeled a white supremacist and white supremacists start getting praised for their inclusiveness.

• It was inevitable.... Starbucks has introduced the Chicken Sushi Burrito.
• Speaking of which, there are now calls for boycotting Starbucks, ESPN, and the NFL. Always ahead of trends, I have been boycotting them for a long time, just because I don't like their products.

Best wishes to affected parts of Texas during the flood. I hope your lives are property are ok.

• US Government Cybersecurity ranks 16th out of 18 industry sectors. This is an improvement over last year, when it ranked 18. Let this be a lesson to you people who say the US is capable of nothing.

Happy birthday to linux Linus Torvalds' baby. Here's an appropriate quote from Mikko Hypponen, of F-Secure: Linux distributions are really lacking in their support for some of the most common Windows software. For example, most malware won't work.

• In the continuing struggle of man's inhumanity to man, I find this most appropriate.

The majority of breaches are caused by unpatched software. I cannot emphasize this strongly enough. My friend's office got hit so badly, it took out the entire system, including years of data. Patch it. And stop clicking on every goddamn link you see.

• Hollywood has rushed to help Houston and it's heartwarming:
• Beyonce: Texas, you are in my prayers
• Kelly Rowland: Houston changed my life- everybody send out prayers for H-town
• Lady Antebellum: thoughts and prayers
• Ellen DeGeneres: the whole country is thinking of you
• Sheryl Crow: you are in my prayers
• Country music singer Chris Young donated $100,000
• let words and actions stand by themselves

Not Selling You Anything - Just My Fragile Ego

Apparently there's an NFL draft In Philly. I find this stuff out on the news. The city is expected to be an even bigger mess, although I can't figure out why.  Send it to New Jersey, where they could cover it between shootings. But, there's little to report on these days since cancer was cured.

• Some enterprising bastard of a hacker took control of over 200 ISIS accounts, loading them up with gay porn. This is pretty fun news, although probably misguided. The should have gone with sex with pigs to get the point home. Ok, it's pretty close either way...

Surprise! 'Inbox tidying' service Unroll.me has been caught selling data. Who would have thought that a service that has access to your email sells data? In this particular case (wanna bet there are others?), Uber bought data on Lyft receipts. The data was 'anonymized'.  The CEO has apologized for not being clear enough that it sells anonymized data to clients.  Terribly sorry we didn't make it clear that we get your firstborn.

ThermionicEmissions would like to provide you with a Guide to Data Privacy.

No.

That is your guide.

Does a service want access to your inbox?  No.

Does a service want access to your network?  No.

Does a program want access to anything else on your phone?  No.

Does a program want location access?  No.

If you ever experience a moment of doubt, ask yourself WWTED: What Would ThermionicEmissions Do? HINT: the answer is generally going to be no, unless it involves mamallian protuberances.

• Webroot Antivirus 'mistakenly' flags Windows as malware and Faceyspaces as a phishing site. I'm not sure why they said mistakenly...

Saudi Arabia has just been elected to the UN Women's Rights Commission. In other news, Palestine has been elected to the UN Commission on Antisemitism.

• Serena Williams has confirmed her pregnancy on social media. Seriously, who cares? It's a good thing cancer has been cured.

How's Marshall doing, you ask?
Spectacular! Even better than an NFL draft!
The surgeon said his incision healed completely and he won't require more meds. When the Cone of Shame came off, he went right back to Puppy Mode (he's about 13), jumping on furniture, making himself at home on the bed, getting up and down the steps without difficulty, and generally being a Happy Spaniel. We're absolutely overjoyed and thankful.

• Here's an interesting little android stat: over two million users have fallen victim to malware from the Google Play store, in the form of guides to games.
• partial list: guides for FIFA Mobile, Criminal Case, Super Mario, Subway Surfers, Pokemon Go, Lego Nexo Knights, Lego City My City, Ninjago Tournament, Rolling Sky, Amaz3ing Spider-Man, Drift Zone 2, Dream League Soccer, and many more.
• Google has cleaned the mess up but if you have downloaded any of these, it's time to run an antivirus.

What kind of fresh stupidity is this? In the name of 'gender equality', a Washington teacher doesn't let boys play with Lego ..to allow the girls to 'catch up'. 

• Our long national nightmare is over: Costco has Chocolate Frosted Flakes back in stock. Good thing - we were going through detox.

Today's As-Yet Unheard Phrase: "He loaned the wheel from our mower to the neighbor."

• Today is Alien Day. As a Martian-American, I couldn't be more proud.

As we know, I'm usually behind the 8 ball because I don't keep up with Popular Shit. In an effort to fix that, and because I care about you, I want to bring you a new term: Stealthing. And I want to bring you its definition: a man removing his condom during sex. Yes, this is now a Thing.

• The latest payment card breach is brought to us by Chipotle. This is the firm that also brought e.coli to their burritos, so it would behoove them to get it right. They believe the breach took place between March 24 and April 18 and there is no more information provided. Chipotle has not enabled the chip on payment cards, claiming it will slow down lines.  I just ate there and have damn near full confidence in their ability to keep e.coli out of my food.

Google thinks my Ubuntu linux browser is Safari. To make things more interesting, it will not allow me to upload pictures.  It's all too much first thing in the morning.

• A headline from this morning: Murder victim's Fitbit contradicts husband's version of events.  We won't get into the article but check out the title... Fitbit data. The data collected by the woman's Fitbit. Remember: all of these devices collect your information. Even if you're not planning on murdering anybody, which I hope none of us are, be aware of this with any new program or device.

Hoo boy - Amazon's new Echo Look goes wherever you get dressed and will tell you if that outfit looks good (or makes you look fat). Amazon has confirmed this data will be stored 'indefinitely'.  Yes, you too can have Amazon in your bedroom - but it won't do 'that' for you.

• When we were young, we marveled at the thoughts of what technology would accomplish in our lifetime. It's 2017, we still have cancer, but damn, those Instagram filters are da bomb, no?

Marshall Strikes Again

For once, it's not what you think.
I found myself, certainly not by accident, at the Philly Guitar Show. The amplifier company known as Marshall, named after my dog, Marshall, put out a cute little series of amps called Code. They were being demoed at a booth at the show. It was an adorable little thing (models from 25 watts up) and I haven't bought anything in I can't remember how long. The 1958 lefty Stratocaster I saw last week was $60,000, so I figured it might have to wait a little while. I saw other Interesting Stuff at the show, which I will detail in another post (I know you're waiting anxiously).

The salesguy's main point was that this little guy could be controlled by your phone, using BlueTooth. Yes, instead of turning the knobs on your amplifier, you could turn them on your phone (android and the other one - I checked). While this might be nice for someone who has mobility issues, I can turn a knob with the best of them.   One of the things Marshall forgot to advertise was that the box is so sharp that it will give you a Cardboard Cut. So I bled for a bit, which is never a good thing. Passing out while driving is not encouraged, except for some places in Philadelphia.

I don't know if this is part of getting older or one of my many deficiencies but I don't get nearly as excited as I used to when I was younger. It took me a nap and a few hours to get around to trying it out. I opened the box, without urge to take pictures or video of the box and posting it on YouTube for everyone to see. This is actually a thing: you take video of the box and opening it. They call it 'unboxing'. There is usually no actual information or tryout of the item in question - just physically taking it out of the box, plus a few shots of the device itself. We're a weird bunch, we are.

Setting something up in my house is a unique challenge, requiring lots of cursing and being assaulted by cables, grabbing and twisting themselves around you like a cat who's in the way and demanding attention. Or a constricting, venomous snake. Putting aside a very jealous Fender Mustang amp, the last next-to-couch amplifier venture, I fired the bugger up. It has that cute Marshall white script logo. One day I'll take a picture of it with Marshall the cocker next to it and send it to Marshall Amps. It's got all sorts of blinky lights, which should keep the current generation of Faceyspaces players interested. I declined to play with the BlueTooth feature, exercising my rights to turn knobs. Since I have the attention span of a pregnant gnat, I chose to go through the outrageous presets to get an idea of what it could do (unfortunately it could not vacuum, but at least I wasn't expecting it, hence very little disappointment).

The little beast is actually pretty cool. It came up rather rapidly, as it has no tubes in it. It makes some fun noises, from old clean to high-powered stacks of LOUD amplifiers. It will be fun and hold my limited attention for a while. No, it's not quite my large Marshall, but it's not supposed to be. And Jeebus, this bit was certainly much larger than I had intended.

• Watch the skies for the Supermoon. You will be able to identify it by its humongous size and its red or blue cape, depending on time of year and temperature coefficient.

Samsung is buying Harman International, provider of sound systems and components for cars, in a push toward smart devices. And apparently exploding cars.

• Reince Preibus: why? When vetting him, they should have tried to figure out where his name came from. Or what planet.

Here's a little ditty called "So You Think You Can Be A Morning Person" Seriously? I know they're supposed to exist but they're very rare in the wild.

• Ok, let's call a timeout in the War on Elections. The left needs to stop damaging stuff (and people). The right needs to stop gloating and deifying the president-elect (as the left would if their candidate got in). It's time to get on with things. (Libertarians, you can keep crying quietly)
• And while we're on the topic, I've seen a LOT of foreign commentary and concern around the election. It's odd to see foreigners more wound up than some of the locals. One day I hope to be so frustrating that I cause demonstrations and riots in foreign countries. I'm a simple man, with simple desires.
• I can't forget this: VP-elect Mike Pence is seriously anti-abortion. In a move that could only happen in 2016, people are making donations to Planned Parenthood in his name. For each donation, notice is sent to him. Laughter is the greatest form of protest. Or something.
• About these protests: I harken back to when Obama was elected (both times)... remember all the fun we had, rioting in the streets, peeing on or own shoes and setting babies on fire? Good times.

Yet another NFL Sports Dude has sat out the national anthem before a game, over the 'joke' election.  Now I'd sit out the national anthem to protest the national anthem being played, but we're getting a little silly here. South Park suggested they invite everyone to sit or stand for the anthem, which would thwart some of this nonsense. If the players are seriously upset, I encourage them to not show up for games for a year and donate their salaries to an appropriate charity, like the Kneeling Sisters of Beryl, or some other deserving group. That should bring the entire brouhaha to a screeching halt.

• I hope my New Zealand readers are ok after their serious earthquake. Two people lost their lives, which is probably two people more than read this blog from New Zealand.

Pressure Cooking

Today's hottest  gift: Schroedinger's Pressure Cooker. It's a pressure cooker that's sealed, so there could be very unpleasant material inside or not.

Nancy Pelosi (D-Hell) has called for sensible pressure cooker legislation. Also a waiting period for the purchase of pressure cookers.

• Remember the exploding Samsung phone battery that allegedly set some guy's car on fire?  Firefighters determined that the phone was not the cause of the fire, although they're not sure what was the cause of the fire. It's kinda like pressure cooker bombs: when they explode, no one knows what they are, but they're sure it's not terrorism.

Our good friends and "protectors" at DHS let hundreds of illegal immigrants from dangerous countries become citizens because they neglected to check their fingerprints. Two of them got jobs at secure areas of airports.  Do you feel protected yet?  Once again, Security Theater.

• Kellogg has recalled around 10,000 cases of Eggo Nutri-Grain Whole Wheat Waffles in 25 states including New York that could be tainted with the bacteria listeria. The recall will affect no one, because who the hell would eat whole wheat waffles?

We've been hearing about the many benefits of turmeric lately, from depression to cancer. Someone actually did a study on it. Very interesting results..

• The Kaepernick protest is spreading to high schools, where students are refusing to stand for the national anthem. The NFL previously decreed that, in order to avoid conflict, their players will do The Wave during the anthem. Unfortunately, some sat out the Wave. Some 'took a knee,' which was stopped when the atheists poured Gatorade on them. Reportedly, next week, Kaepernick will nail himself to a cross during the anthem, on national tv. Not to be ignored, the cheerleaders of both teams will come together in a rare show of unity and launch fireworks out of their buttocks.
• I think the only true way to handle this, aside from sitting down and shutting up, is for both teams to blow themselves up. This way we won't have to deal with football any longer, the fans get a great fireworks show, and the problem takes care of itself.
• Your mileage may vary. Any recovered body parts are property of the NFL and may not be used without its expressed written permission.
• BREAKING NEWS: Kaepernick is now dead, replaced by the Brad Pitt/Angelina Jolie divorce. This will mask any real issues for weeks at very least!

Hackers have taken over a Tesla while it was moving. They got into the car's web browser (because all cars need a web browser) and obtained control of the car. Now let's face it, owning a Tesla will not be a problem for most people reading this blog, but don't think this kind of control isn't coming to Normal Cars soon.

• A Muslim refugee boat captain threw six Christians to their death because he blamed them for the rough seas. History has seen Christians do some pretty unsavory things but I'd hazard a guess that if they're on a refugee boat, they in fact have very little control over the weather. Even if they're not on a refugee boat. But let's not blame the Muslim- it's his culture.

"It's on because I'm waiting for my program to come on in a few minutes," which was my wife's excuse for the appearance of Dancing with the Stars on our tv. Since I don't have a DWTS filter for the tv, it proceeded to interrupt my surfing (laptop and couch-sitting). It's even worse than I thought. 

• Hell Update: work has mandated the use of iDevices. It was delivered the other day and, as I thought, it burned my skin. The advice from everyone up the chain was to leave it in its box. Since I require one feature of the device, this is not possible. We switched from Crappy Old Phones because iDevices could perform some feat not available in the Crappy Old Phones. The iDevice features this feat, but fails on one other, very important, area.
• To its credit, it started right up. And that's about it.
• Perhaps knowing how I feel about it, I can get no further with the alleged phone. In fact, nobody on two helpdesks or even Live Humans can make the thing work.
• I went Right To The Top, to the email administrator of the Whole Shebang. He's out for the week, perhaps the month.
• Some genius Up Top one day decided we need to use these infernal devices. No testing, no documentation, no training, no luck. Just GET IT DONE. As you'd imagine, everybody under this genius, which would be everybody in the entire company, is suffering for it. And did I mention that it has to be done within the next three days?
• So aside from the fact that my phone doesn't work and I can't get email, the job is looking up. The interesting part of all of this is that nothing is out of the norm.
• BUT WAIT!!! It gets better... in order to make my Work Phone work, I have to enter my Personal Credit Card. This is not Work-this is Apple. F-ing ridiculous. The Stupid - It Hurts....
• If Apple is trying to recruit me or even just get me to use its products, it's not doing a wonderful job. I'd rather have a Samsung and take my chances with it spontaneously combusting.

I have a very useful pair of bluetooth headphones with a mic. They actually take a while to power up - I suspect they have tiny little tubes inside them, which need to warm up before the bluetooth is ready.

• In case you're keeping score, like me, at work: I can't get email at my desk, my phone doesn't work, and no one can install any programs remotely, least of all me. Aside from that, it's a great place to work.

Ahmad Khan Rahami, charged with the New York and New Jersey bombings was found to have jihad videos on his YouTube account, as well as Judge Judy videos. I'd string him up for the Judge Judy videos alone.

Please, nooooooooo!!!!