Your love is like pulling out nose hairs
Dear lefty
- Do I curtsy upon meeting the Queen?
- sure - make sure you wear your fanciest dress, Bob. They love that shit in England.
No Good Deed Ever Goes Unpunished
Police are looking for man handing out free heroin; multiple overdoses connected.
- San Francisco may allow 16/17 year olds to vote
- I'm against this: many 30 year-olds shouldn't be allowed to vote.
Russian election interference continues, unstopped: Ivanovich says Biden is ahead in some polls, but then again, Putin was behind in some polls.
Over the weekend, we were not allowed into a very popular guitar chain, because my service elephant was not wearing a mask. They're already on the verge of bankruptcy; wait til I get done suing them. Americans with Disabilities Act, animal cruelty, the court of the internet, and the court of ThermionicEmissions (which acts like a dictatorship, with a semi-benign dictator).
Major league sports is having a problem. Their fans desperately want to get back to major league sports, but they can't get into the stadiums in significant numbers. They're also very unhappy about non-sports activities, booing the players' SJW shows. I think the fans are going to give up after their teams start to play horribly, because they spent so much time arguing and choreographing their protest rituals, they forgot to practice their actual sport.
We refuse to practice as long as people of color are arrested.
Ok, but we still have to not take the field during the national anthem.
But how can we take a knee if we're not on the field during the national anthem?
COACH!
Yes?
Smith wants to stay off the field during the national anthem, but Babbit wants everyone to take a knee during the national anthem.
Hmmm... well, how about not taking the field during the national anthem, but coming out on the field afterward, then taking a knee?
Oh... Coach, you're the best.
Coach?
Yes?
In solidarity with Black Lives Matter, I won't be catching any balls.
Humphries, the entire point of the sport is to catch the balls.
See? People will notice better when I stand on my head when the ball goes by.
Look, I don't mind you protesting, but what's the point of putting you out there?
So I can show solidarity with... umm.. .BLM.
OK, Schmitt - you back Humphries up.
Can't, Coach.
Why not?
I can't touch any balls touched by white people, in solidarity with the Palestinians.
Schmitt, the Palestinians are white.
But.... but... My wife is feeding me stuff again. Don't I look the fool?
Coach?
Yes, DeLance?
In solidarity with the rest of the team's solidarity, I won't be coming out of the locker room.
DeLance, the team spent thousands on therapy because you wouldn't come out of the locker room - don't blame it on solidarity. It's called a relapse. Call your doctor.
Coach?
What now, George?
I... I... I want to come out of the locker.
Is it too crowded with DeLance there?
I'm trans.
I see. Keep the new boobs well-protected.
[ring]
Coach, it's for you.
Yes. Yes. I see. Yes, thank you.
Ok, guys (and soon to be girl), that was the general manager. You're going to be docked for each minute you're not on the field, playing.
TEAM: What time do you want us on the field, Coach?
- Is there a sign somewhere outside the house that says Fun Time for Birds? There's another one flying around.... every door and window is shut. Thus far, the Great Hunter hasn't moved from her perch to dispatch the intruder.
- Great hunter woke up: I don't think barking and whining at prey helped catch it. Does evolution laugh at the spaniel that catches birds and sleeps in the bed, on Mommy's legs?
Unrelated:
The NFL would like to introduce its new general manager, Colin Kaepernick.
Kaepernick welcomes the chance to have the NFL serve him and to steer the League into a more socially-acceptable role. He stated that after a few years, they might even play a little football, but for now they have a lot of battles to fight, off the field.
- Scientists discover area of brain that controls sexual desire in men
- it's a very wide swath, roughly from the front to the rear
The grandson of former president Warren G Harding wants to have his remains exhumed to prove a DNA match. The grandchildren of former vice president Spiro Agnew want to have his remains exhumed, so people will say Spiro Agnew again.
At least 1 humpback whale remains in an Australian river after making a wrong turn and getting lost. Hollywood has postponed its Affirmative Action Runup to the Oscars and is on its new campaign: GPSes for the Whales! Gwyneth Paltrow and Bette Midler almost drowned, when the whale failed to recognize them.
- A dear departed coworker said I hate the sound of laughter. She's wrong: you need to see the Comedy Wildlife Photography Awards 2020 contenders.
Alleged computer hacker Lauri Love: Living with my autism.
Hacker Gary McKinnon: I'm autistic, you can't extradite me.
Me: I can't hack - I'm not autistic enough.
- Oregon's Firefighting Helicopters Are Deployed in Afghanistan as the State Burns
- yes, but... but... they're fighting for our freedoms!!!
Please don't use Internet Explorer. It's got more holes than Swiss cheese; like Windows, but worse. It's time to drag yourself into the 90s and find something else. I mention this because of an expanding malvertising issue (an ad injects Bad Stuff into your browser). A newer browser will allow you to install an ad blocker, so you won't have to deal with malvertising and you won't have to deal with advertising at all. I'll tell you how well they work: I don't see ads. When I look at someone's computer without an ad blocker, I'm astounded at the number and intrusiveness of ads. I recommend Firefox. While Chrome/Brave/Opera/Vivaldi will work, they're all Chrome knockoffs and may phone home to Google. Iridium is built on Chrome but de-Googled. Firefox has never failed me. Install the Ublock addon and no ads. No junk. Very simple. Also go to this site and follow the directions to install a new HOSTS file. The 2 suggestions will help you a lot.
- The system the pr0n industry uses to track HIV works so well, experts are considering it for the Flying AIDS.
- Once again, pr0n saves the day
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