Practicing Good Nasal Hygiene

Your love is like  a serious breathing difficulty, like COPD.


Happy Labor Day! The day we celebrate labor by not working.



According to the New York Post, toilet paper to New York's homeless, JFK's grandson is the last hope for the Kennedy Dynasty.  Before he runs for office, he wants it known that he's a great admirer of the mafia, thinks any old war is ok, does not want to talk to Russia about cooperation in space, and promises not to sleep with anyone's wife, girlfriend, or really hot celebrity. He doesn't even think LBJ's hat was stupid, although the jury is still out on LBJ himself.


Dear lefty

• You need a woman's viewpoint here.
• You need to adjust your meds.
• But seriously...
• The comments section has been open for 9 years. Fire away.

Wanna see a magic show? A show that invalidates math? Watch one of those public television beg-a-thons, especially the ones featuring music. I don't know how they do it, but they put on huge concerts, featuring artists who had hits before you were born. They have to get the best musical historians to dig up (literally, in some cases) the singers and bands that play these songs.

Remember the Kingsmen? You remember their only hit: Louie Louie. The vocals were so garbled on the original record, there was an investigation into whether they were obscene. To this day, even the singer doesn't know what the words mean. The album cover features 5 guys, dressed in jackets, in their early 20's. The band comes on to perform, there are only 4 guys (due to a horrible accident with a hand mixer) and there's not a gray hair in the bunch. Same garbled vocals - he had to learn how to garble again, after years speaking clearly. The song was in the late 60s, making it roughly 60 years old, making the group in their 80s. Yet they appeared no older than 50-something. It's magic!

The next lady did one of those typical 'boy wants to meet girl, girl has bad breath, girl pleads don't leave' songs. She just had a facelift so tight, she couldn't close her lips.

Then there's the black groups. Always attired spectacularly in matching suits, always in-step with each other, always hitting the notes. Except Bubba. Bubba put on a few pounds over the years, and required a custom tux, flown in from Turkey, which is one of the reasons Bubba is so large. You'll notice him sweating, right about after the introduction of the song. The rest of the group is praying that the song ends before Bubba has his final heart attack. And this is just the girl groups....

Smokey Robinson and the Miracles were in fine form, with 2 of the original members, and no Smokey Robinson. There was also an additional Miracle, who joined the band on the way to the stage. The Jimi Hendrix Experience's equipment appeared for 'Foxey Lady', because the people who played it are all dead. 3 Dog Night is now 1 Dog Night. Frankie Valli and the Season played 'Walk Like a Man', in a voice that sounded like a woman. The Mamas performed without the Papas, and a Supreme was missing Diana Ross. The Turtles were Happy Together, but not with their band. Several Beach Boys performed, in separate bands, and the Pet Shop Boys did their cover of 'Where the Boys Are'. A cricket came onstage, but Buddy Holly was nowhere to be found. The evening ended with a holographic reconstruction of Elvis Presley's hips, performing his greatest.... hips.

You have to figure some people in the bands are not the original members. Some bands tour with the original name and the original roadie. The Sweet tours with its original guitar player only. Foghat tours with its original guy who says "Testing 1-2-3".  And the Pet Shop boys tour with only their original 'boy'.

There was also a Linda Rondstadt concert from the 80s. How can a woman sing so well and be so screaming hot? I'm willing to overlook the fact she has the stage presence of Fred Jones, 88, of Trenton, New Jersey; recently deceased.

In any show featuring music that was even near the 50s, we must be subject to Jerry Blavat, The Geeter with the Heater. Nobody, including Jerry himself, knows what a geeter OR a heater is. Jerry was a disc jockey - he never played an instrument or sang. His only characteristic was that when you heard him, you wanted to punch him. I know someone who did - we send him flowers every year on the anniversary.

You have to give them credit: they all love each other and no one says anything political or that Black Lives Matter.

sigh... things sure have changed....
You're lucky if you can get all the band members to show up for the gig.
They might be attired in matching t-shirts. You might see an actual gray hair.
If there is a replacement band member, it's because of an overdose.
The roadies have to remind one of the band members that he plays guitar.
The singer storms off because they gave him Bud instead of Bud Light.
Because metal detectors mean you can't bring guns to the show, the audience lobs audience-to-stage guided missiles instead.

• The Russian election interference continues, with several Russian people logging into Twitter. 

College students are getting tips on staying safe, after many breakouts across the country.  I don't have Fauci's credentials, nor am I as confused as the CDC, but I suggest staying the f- home. Did you notice there are no breakouts at home? Answers this obvious can only come from someone who never attended college.  (I couldn't pass the drinking test)

• My parents often wonder how things would be different if they used contraception that one time....

In case you're not getting interrupted enough, I just got a text from the Pennsylvania Democrats (not all of them). No idea where they got my number. They wanted to know if they could count on my vote for Joe Biden and the Pennsylvania democrats. I asked the fellow if I could count on his vote for Jo Jorgensen and the Pennsylvania libertarians. He texted back that I could not.

He asked what were the important issues in the election.
I couldn't bring myself to be nasty to this poor fellow, who's just doing his job. Off the top of my head, they're keeping a senile dude and a megalomaniac out of office, the truth about ufos, abolishing the IRS, NSA, and any other department with letters in it, forcing cell phone providers to provide good coverage everywhere or your money back, bringing back land yacht cars, making radio great again, free nosewash, stop spreading viruses, making it illegal to laugh at tin foil hats, a cure for male pattern baldness, and giving the SJWs their own country (Siberia).

Well, if they're going to interrupt me unsolicitedously, they get what they deserve.

• My birthday's coming up, next year. Please don't get me anything.

There must be something in the alignment of the stars and work equipment and operating systems I don't like. First thing Monday morning, the (Windows) work computer has a visible cursor and nothing else. Next to it is the iDevice, which is displaying a somewhat nasty looking graphic that's somewhere between 'you should really charge me' and 'I want to have sex with the charger cable'. Above it is a url that ends in /restore. Really? The iDevice wants to be restored? The iDevice that literally sits there, and the only calls I get are spam? That I use for email if the computer is busy being Windows-impaired (like today)? Perhaps it's all a very funny and effective way of waking the employees up on a Monday morning. I rebooted Windows, which fixed that issue (aside from the fact that Windows is still installed) and the iDevice's website told me to reboot, which I did. It was really a simple, intuitive matter of holding the top button while massaging the round button and singing psalm 1:23 - Steve Jobs, We Love You.

The error code was 3.14159 - device feeling unloved.
I just can't.

• Here's a very interesting program on a ufo landing in France, in a farmer's field of lavender. There were 2 beings involved, 1 of which fired something that paralyzed him. The craft left marks in the ground and was investigated by the police.
• People raise lavender? That's outrageous.

Warren Buffet, 7th wealthiest man on the planet, and Bill Gates, war criminal, have signed "The Giving Pledge", to give the majority of their wealth away. These guys are amateurs: upon my demise, I'm giving away 100% of my wealth, unless I have an heir dog at the time. The fund to make sure I can't reproduce was successful, so I have no one to bequeath anything to, after my wife dies. I am certain I will die first, because Mrs lefty watches all the true crime shows and has a small library full of true crime books. They'll never find my body.

• Happy Birthdays: Rudolf Schenker (Scorpions), Debbie Gibson (50!), John Phillips (Mamas + Papas), 

An Asian woman with cerebral palsy was almost drowned at birth. Now she's a poet. Make up your own punchline. [I'm glad she lived but couldn't she be something useful?]

• Smart Dust. No, really, Smart Dust.
• Just imagine the fun when something you can't see or touch is there, monitoring, and reporting.
• It may be able to help people whose brains are having trouble moving limbs or other things.
• Natural defense: It will choke on the Dumb Dust in my house.

You Musk be joking: A mind-reading Neuralink chip in a pig's brain? Downloadable memories? Telepathy? Watch and judge for yourself. We're still in the infancy of this technology (I think), but it has the potential to simultaneously be something great and something so dark, you don't even want to read about it in dystopian sci-fi.


Faceyspaces sued software development kit makers, accusing them of taking personal information. Faceyspaces said that if anyone is going to steal information, it's going to be Faceyspaces.


Tesla rolled out an update to its cars that lets the cameras see speed limit signs.
Tesla refers to this as an insignificant update that almost didn't go out.




SJW School


I caught a few minutes of a DC peaceful protest riot. The well-behaved, literate protesters were running up to the police, bullhorning, screaming, and literally blowing smoke. The thing I failed to get was the Coordinated Police Marching Backwards defense. It wasn't very effective as a defense, in that the rioters were expanding their territory as the police marched backwards.  And not a single word about black lives. There are snacks being passed out, not that this is organized. One bullhorner suggested the police arrest themselves, another helped the police by letting them know "All y'all fuckin bitches". People keep running up to the police with their phones. If I were there, I'd run up to the rapidly backwards-marching line of police, and show them pictures of my dog. I'd make sure every police person in the line saw her. So there.

French game publisher Ubisoft is apologizing to fans after a video showing the opening sequence for Tom Clancy’s Elite Squad showed images of a raised black fist, which critics said was “insensitive” and appeared to connect the Black Lives Matter movement to a fictional terrorist organization in the game.  Among other things, a raised fist is the sign of oppressed groups, like Left Handed Lives Matter, but the fist is naturally the left fist, not the right one.