Wildfires are leaving small towns almost destroyed in California and Washington. BLM claims they're 'peaceful' wildfires.
Your love is like bathing a cat
Dear Hollywood:
I know none of you have an original idea, so why not a biography of Tiny Tim? It has everything: OCD, being born again, Howard Stern, left handed ukuleles, peeing in a bottle, marriage on the Tonight Show, and a singing voice that could shatter metal, but still isn't as bad as turning on the radio. The story writes itself, but who will play Tiny? Johnny Depp! That's going to take some serious makeup.
Dear lefty
- What can you tell me about this flashlight I bought?
- it runs on batteries or brain power. You'll need batteries.
Russian interference in the upcoming election continues: subscriptions to Election Hacking magazine have quadrupled.
Vivaldi, a newer browser based on Opera, is introducing a feature that will blank the browser to remind you to take a break. Umm... Vivaldi... if we wanted to take a break, we'd take one. We use browsers because we need to browse... you know.. important sites.. hamster pr0n and the like. If we need to take a break, our tired, sore wrists and eyes will let us know, thank you.
They turned him loose. Yes, for the 2nd time this year, lefty has been allowed to leave the house. This was a particularly auspicious occasion because he was going to put his money where his mouth was, or at very least, his mouth where his money was... or... his money where the restaurant was.
We haven't been to one of our regular restaurants since at least February. They have an open dining room, so we were off. I was happy because you don't have to wear a mask. It would make eating a lot more interesting if you did. Mrs lefty insisted I needed a mask to walk in the door and looked at me like God was going to strike us dead because I disagreed. She has a t-shirt that says "I survived Catholic school."
The menu, normally a 47 page, multicolor book with video, was down to a 2 sided placemat. They type was so small I had to ask her to hold it up in the light, across the table, so I had a chance at decoding it. Drat and tarnation - I left my spyglass and telescope set at home again. Everything went smoothly, as it always does. Even the other guests were fine.
Since the restaurant was in close proximity to a mall that I kind of grew up in, we paid it a visit. Or rather, paid one store a visit. We go to malls and if there is a certain anchor store, Mrs lefty becomes anchored inside it. We have gone a number of times and never made it into the mall. They frequently have to 'gently remind' her that they're closing (about an hour ago). She was very nice to me and only spent a few hours there, making sure we could go into the actual mall. I'm still a little on edge, trying to figure out why she's so nice to me.
The first time I caught my reflection, I got a little weak and almost insisted we leave. Most people are uncomfortable with my reflection, but that's ok. I think the enormity of it all finally hit me.
I got to lookin' around, as this was my first time after the onset of the Flying AIDS. Granted, the crowd was quite thin, but everybody had their masks and I heard not a peep about anyone not wearing one. A lot of people agreed that there's no point in wearing a mask. I could tell because half of them didn't have their nose covered, with their mask ON. Everyone was suspiciously well-behaved. When was the last time you saw that? Social distancing wasn't a concern, except on the signs. If you went near shoes, the sign said to ask an employee or wear gloves. I like that - neither associates nor gloves were available, which made everything feel like normal.
The mall is particularly weird, in that 2 anchor stores closed (years ago) and the rest of the occupants are a few national chains and weird stores, some really low rent. Even that would have been normal, except a ton of the stores were gone, perhaps a third or more. I was stunned and sad. In conjunction with the owners of the closed stores, I would like to thank Idiot Governor for grabbing the power and keeping the state 'safe', even though we don't know what safe IS to this day. People lost their businesses and jobs because of this politician. It happened all over the country. There's a special place in hell for politicians, whoever let the Flying AIDS loose, and the people up the chain, who are seeing how well we do what we're told. I am sad for all of us. Stay safe.
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Imagine it's 2001.
Imagine seeing pictures of your familiar local mall in the year 2020. Everything looks normal except everybody has some sort of face covering. You're looking at the pictures, trying to figure out why... gas attack? Viral agent? Perfume bomb? Have we choked ourselves with pollution, like China? Have the wildfires in California spread across the country to the other coast? What could possibly have happened in 20 years? Do we want a future in which people have to wear masks outside?
---------------------------------------------------
- I'm hearing all sorts of odd noises from my stomach. I think my body is revolting.
- Many others have told me this. How did they know, so far in advance?
A lot has changed (no really?). First, people had to work from home. Now children have to school from home. This produces many unforeseen consequences...
Children now have a home classroom, making it extremely difficult to be disruptive or Class Clown. 'That kid', who sits in the back and eats paste, will miss out on the opportunity to be laughed at and bullied, because no one else in 'class' will see him. Right off the bat, the entire social structure of school has been disrupted. Other children will also miss out on learning how to point and laugh; usually the ones who pick on the very tall and short people in line, because the kids can't line up. Kids also can't make fun of other kids who don't have purple hair or who dress like heterosexuals or may be smart (nobody likes a smart student who knows all the answers). Everybody is going to be quiet during question time in hopes that Johnny will raise his hand. Johnny's father has a horrible temper, so whenever he answers, there's an unending stream of cursing in the background. The class listens intently to pick up some new phrases they can use on their parents. Susie's parents communicate exclusively by fighting, so they're also very interesting. This is a learning experience for future relationships. For the safety of the children, Susie's mic is muted if her parents' start to communicate with furniture or sharp objects. Little Barbie, formerly Bobby, loses the boost in self-esteem she'd get with the other students complimenting her on her transition and developing fashion sense. There will be no way for the entire class to pick on a single student, which is a hallmark of any class at any school. This is the kind of rich student experience the kids will be missing out on. Nobody can pass obscene notes, because the teacher can't catch you doing it in email, where you also discuss the answer to #3 on the test. Of course you only have the class window open - you'd never use a browser to cheat - you're insulted by the accusation. You can't say 'your mother' because now everyone sees her pass the camera.
Working from home presents its own challenges. They start with garbage trucks, lawnmowers, ice cream trucks (with constant notice from students), and spousal input. Dogs are a handy disruption, because of barking, then people asking to hold the dog to the camera so everyone can see him. This can also be followed by the screaming after the dog bites because he doesn't want to be held up OR the person breaking their back, trying to lift 150lbs of labrador.
The screaming, laughing, and abject horror that comes from forgetting to MUTE the mic can come from either side. Everybody needs to remember to mute their mic when making fun of the teacher or boss. This is a lesson you don't want to learn the hard way.
- Remember thousands of people receiving packets of seeds in the mail (from China), with no idea why they got them? Hundreds have planted them.
- If the package had WARNING: ANTHRAX SEEDS in big red letters, hundreds would still have planted them. This is why our country is in the shape it's in.
You're going to be shocked, but Amazon is pricing their spy devices Alexas so apartment complexes will install them before you move in. After that, you will be required, by Amazon, to get the devices implanted in your anus, with all of your credit history. In spite of how horrifying this is, when Amazon wants something, you can show them your ass. I do already.
A Wisconsin priest who condemned Catholic Democrats has the support of a Texas bishop.
Father James Altman, pastor of St. James the Less Catholic Church, lashed out at Father James Martin, who participated in the Democratic National Convention. In a 10-minute video posted to YouTube, Altman called the priest a “hyper, confusing spreading heretic” and had harsh words toward Democrats.
He stomped his foot and ran out to his next appointment, at an all boys school.
Speaking of prayers, ours have been answered: the Kardashian show is off the air after 20 seasons. Our spiritual joy must be tempered by vigilance: you never know what they're doing next. They don't do well out of the limelight.
Suicide centers in Los Angeles are on alert and ask that the Great Unwashed do not have any emergencies during this trying time. Kaitlyn is so upset, some reports say she's changing back to Bruce. Hopefully she'll donate all her fabulous clothes to charity. The girls are reportedly so shicked, they're cheating with white guys. The mother is holed up in her mansion, too depressed to go for a facelift or, heaven forbid, shopping. The stores along Rodeo Drive are even offering to pick them up. It's a bad time in California, further proving the trickle down theory of economics. People of the world are begging Governor Newsom to pass a law, allowing the Kardashians tv shows in perpetuity.
The only way this could get any better is if I could make a living doing it.
White supremacy 'most lethal threat' to USA, 'Homeland' says...
Nope. That honor goes to our government.
SJW Stalls
Italian designer Stella Jean says more needs to be done to tackle racism in the fashion industry.
She's way off. We need to address the sexism in fashion. Go into any clothing store. 90% of floor space is dedicated to women. The men's section is over there, in a corner, next to the snow shovels.
But Wait!! The virus is also sexist, worsening gender inequality in the workforce. Hardest hit were childless married women. Parentism!!!!
Something something... boycott... something something... Hong Kong police... something something... transgendered
Why we're using 'womxn'
No, that's not a typo: 'womxn' is a spelling of 'women' that's more inclusive and progressive. The term sheds light on the prejudice, discrimination, and institutional barriers womxn have faced, and explicitly includes non-cisgender women.
STFX
ThermionicEmissions - the (un)official blog of the illuminati
we're not proud - we'll take it any way we can get it
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