Trainspotting with the Blind

 Your love is like  herpes duplex

I just looked at the stats for the blog. Google/blogspot gives out some stats, but they're almost impossible to figure out. I pretty much trust the ones about which operating systems access this blog. In the last week, only one was linux. I am very upset about this and appeal to good sense. In fact, if I don't see more linux hits, I'll... I'll... continue to ignore the stats and say nothing.

• What is Philly famous for? Soft pretzels and cheesesteaks
• if you were at one of the most famous steak places, Pat's, you might have seen the shooting.
• Philly: Come for the cheesesteaks, stay for the shootings

Today I identify as  the slow guy when the lion chases the sightseers

I hate to get all serious, but....

UPPER MERION TWP, Pa. - A procession was held on Sunday for a Montgomery County firefighter who police say was killed by a drunk driver while he was aiding a two-car crash on the Schuylkill Expressway over the weekend.

Q. When will this stop?

A. Never

You irresponsible fscking drunks. You cost lives. There are taxis, Uber, friends, and hotels. Haven't you been alive long enough to see the Don't Drive Drunk commercials? You made a really bad decision and now a man is dead. And it's not like there are only a few of you. Both cars involved had DUI drivers.

• I'm putting together a prodigious beer belly. The only problem is that I don't drink beer. I asked the doctors if maybe I'm pregnant. They remind me of my gender and assure me that's not the case. They suggest the medicine they gave me. Sometimes I feel hung over, which also suggests alcohol consumption. But I don't really drink. I could be pregnant on one of those immaculate conception deals. They point out my extreme lack of womb. Well, if it's the medicine, how about a different medicine? No, this one works. It is extremely easy to make this sort of pronouncement when you're on the pen side of the prescription pad. Let's see YOU use it for a few weeks, then I'll consider it. Putz/

The Olympics are happening. I learned years ago that Olympics is capitalized. I remembered, but can't remember why. It's more fun hearing news around the Olympics than watching them. Like the tremendous amount of condoms used by the athletes. It would be pretty cool to have a Condom Blowing Up event, but alas, no. How about Live from the Olympic Dorms: Athlete Sex? THAT would be some ratings there, lemme tellya. Even the people like me, who don't like sports, would tune in for that. Except maybe for the Russian teams, if they still look like they used to. The Russian women's ballet team looked just like the Russian male football team.

Yeah, I don't like sports. It also seems silly that skateboarding is a sport. Maybe volleyball too. You know the ancient Greeks didn't have skateboards. Digs of ancient Greek sites never turn up skateboard parks. Greek literature does not contain a single "oh wooooow duuuuuude". I smell a surfing event next. This won't go well when the judges keep drowning.

Maybe it's time for some real sports.....

• the jar opener
• building demolitions
• pub crawl - last one standing
• picking up a supermodel

Printer ink continues to rank as one of the most expensive liquids around with a litre of the home office essential costing the same as a very high-end bottle of bubbly or an oak-aged Cognac

• my cousin is pregnant. Very pregnant. We visited the other day. She said she really doesn't like that people feel they can come up and touch her belly without asking. She's fine if they ask. I watched Mrs lefty touch her belly. I've seen this trick before, so by the time she asked me to touch it, I was already in the car.

The dog is out making friends again. The other day, at a convenience store, Wife was on the way out and noticed 2 police cars and 3 policemen around our car. They all thought Penny was gorgeous and wanted to pet her. 

Back when Marshall was sick, Wife would drive him around because it relaxed him. She got pulled over at 3am for suspicion of Bad Things and explained what was going on. Also at the convenience store, she heard one policeman talking to another about Marshall. They knew about him.

I guess it's almost like having cute kids... I dunno....

• I found out way later that there was a conspiracy around getting Mrs. lefty and me together. It involved the staff of two professional offices. I'm stupid, like most guys, and wouldn't know it if it beat me over the head. We had lunch one day, and that was IT. She hit me like a brick wall. I hope you were/will be as lucky.

Flying AIDS news

CDC to reverse indoor mask policy, saying fully vaccinated people should wear them indoors in Covid hot spots

Just making it up as we go along.

We. Have. No. Idea.

COVID surge in unvaccinated is pushing US to more mandates, masks, mitigation

Fauci Wants to Make Vaccines for the Next Pandemic Before It Hits

We. Have. No. Idea.

Bet on Rand Paul against Anthony Fauci

...on funding of Wuhan lab 

Covid passports: How do they work around the world?

vair ah your paperz?

PG&E Will Bury 10,000 Miles of Cable to Stop Sparking California Wildfires

for the second time, PG&E has been caught with their electrical cables down, causing wildfires in California. So they're going to bury the cables, at a cost of $15-30 billion. Guess who's going to pay for it?

Tokyo 2020: S Korea TV sorry for using pizza to depict Italy

you can't make this shit up

Olympics Broadcaster Announces His Computer Password on Live TV

Role model for any idiot with a computer....

Amazon reportedly has a ‘key’ to thousands of apartment buildings in US

So, they have their cameras in and out of your house, they know everything you order, and now they have keys to your apartment building. For an additional charge, you can adopt an Amazon employee. Yes, you can sponsor one of these poor line workers, who have to pee in jars because bathroom breaks were too long. If you order now, you get this nice t-shirt, with the picture of an Amazon worker, sorting boxes on the assembly line. We had to stop the part of the program where you could write to the Amazon worker you sponsored, as they are not allowed to take breaks to read your emails.

Bachman Turner Overdrive 1975
back when they used to be Bachman Turner Overweight

Hello, It's Time to Go

Say you want to set your house on fire and you happen to have a pacemaker. The police come by and arrest you for arson and insurance fraud. They demand the information from your pacemaker to show you couldn't have escaped the fire with your belongings because your heart rate stayed the same-no extra effort shown. And to make matters worse, you killed your cat in the fire.

Yes, now your own pacemaker can incriminate you, regardless of that pesky old Fifth Amendment. Every piece of data works against you. I wonder if we have to encrypt pacemaker data...

• I feel really bad about this StupidBowl. Didn't know about it til last week and didn't get a chance to get my party planned (good food, the wife, the dog, and 4 hours of Monty Python).
• The local morning show spent quite a while on the Lady Gaga halftime performance, even bringing an 'expert' in to help analyze it. We are doomed.

Are you familiar with Google image search? You can upload an image and Google will search for similar images. Hold onto your underwear - there's now a porn image search. Yes, you can take a porn star and figure out who she is (female-only at this point) with this website. Of course this is academic - none of us would use this. Of course.

• If you use any kind of voice controls for your android phone (if you talk to it, and I don't mean cursing), you can check out what Google has recorded here. Yes, Google records everything you say to it, as does Apple. You can allegedly delete whatever's there, but my feeling is that if it's there, it's already mined for information. Needless to say, I don't use it. 

I'm not certain of the manufacturer but I read a story recently on some poor lady having trouble updating the firmware in her breast pump.  I'm not entirely sure why her breast pump required a firmware update or why it required the update over the internet.

• Like Alexa, the Amazon product that you put on your table, talk to, and it gives you information, Google has the Google Home. This device was set off by Google's commercial during the Super Bowl. This will not be the last we hear of this. Alexa already recommends changing the device's name to something else. My friend suggests Hal.

If you ever thought bus riding was boring, you've obviously never been to Macon, Georgia. A female bus driver was going along her route, when a drunk passenger lit a cigarette. She told him to put it out, at which point he 'took exception.' She pulled over and told him to stop smoking or get out. He grabbed her keys, scratched her with them, pulled out his lighter and set her hair on fire, then proceeded to lead police on a 95mph chase through two counties. He even rode over spike strips, which flattened a tire. When the police finally got the vehicle pulled over, the drunk wouldn't open the door and bit the EMTs. This is only his seventh DUI.

• The Santa Clara University student senate has rejected the petition of a conservative group to form a chapter because because it's presence would make them feel "unsafe". Boy, the world is going to look really nasty if these kids ever make it out into reality. "Boss - he disagrees with me. You need to fire him."

We all know I'm tinfoil hat security and privacy but let me present the other half of the coin: my buddy. He has one of those X-Boxes with the always-on mic that listens to everything you say. It's plugged into a smart tv, which monitors everything you say and watch and do, sending the data back to the manufacturer (he had to agree to this when he first turned the tv on). Then there's the voice-controlled remote control on his cable system: I don't know much about it, but I'm relatively certain that cable company records every command. This in addition to monitoring everything the family watches and records. The house is alarmed, which can be enabled and disabled through a cell phone app. He also has Alexa, which is an Amazon product that you can talk to and get information from. Of course this device listens, even though you have to say Alexa first, before it will do anything. 

His cell phone is voice-operated, and we know that everything said to a cell phone is kept on a server 'to improve voice recognition.'

His cars are wired, so they transmit all location data, plus the On-Star system, that can listen to everything that happens in the car. All of this data has been used by the police in criminal cases. Then there's the E-Pay system for turnpike tolls - a perfect system for tracking and figuring out how fast he was going between toll points. 

So my buddy is at the beginning of the Connected Life. Regardless of security and privacy concerns, this is pretty neat... it's what science fiction writers have been writing about all these years. The man goes to work and doesn't have to stop to pay a toll. He asks his phone for directions to a different site. When he gets home, the house alarm is shut off via his phone, which can be used virtually anywhere. He asks Alexa and the phone to set up a reminder that he's going out with friends for dinner, then asks what time the restaurant is open til. He tells the tv remote what he wants to watch and it goes there. After a while, Alexa and the phone remind him that he's going out for dinner with friends, at this restaurant. In the car, the phone gives him directions. If the phone acts up, the car will plot the route. If he wants, he can hook the phone into the car to play music.

Pretty neat.

On the other hand there's my family. You may remember my last outing, in which a cell phone and a Garmin device, with which I have a very contentious relationship, both tried to take us to the wrong state, largely through a body of water. Yesterday my poor wife, possibly in a scientific effort to prove that it was only me having the Garmin Issue, used it to get to a destination. The Garmin won, of course, by 'forgetting' to tell her to take an exit ramp before making that left onto Main Street. Perhaps the device would perform better if everyone employed by Garmin was forced to use it on a daily basis.

Whale Hunting in Arizona

Playboy magazine will be dropping (fully) nudes. Now when you say you only read it for the articles, you won't be lying. New format to start in March, Hefner to be out of business by April.

• Leonardo DiCaprio will produce a film based upon an as-yet-unwritten book about the Volkswagen diesel emissions scandal. BANG! VROOOOOM! POP!  FTWANG! OOF! Nonstop action! Just as soon as the book is written. All the action, suspense and naked ladies you'd expect from a movie about a book about emissions testing.

A Guatemalan mayor was lynched by a crowd. This is the kind of participatory democracy in which we need to be involved. It's a model for the future. It will also have the unintended effect of keeping politicians 'clean'.

• The president made some candid comments, noting that he finds American's common skepticism of government "paralyzing." Coming up, Dick Cheney upset that people think he's mean.

America's mayor, Rahn Emanuel, blames Chicago crime uptick on officers second-guessing themselves. Office of the Mayor: shoot first, ask questions later.

• The rapper T.I. says "World ain't ready for a female president."  Yeah, boy... dem bitches don't belong in da (White) House.

SELFIE NEWS: Selfie-obsessed millenials are increasing opting for plastic surgery to improve photos. I don't even have to do anything - this stuff comes out weekly and writes itself. And teens spend so much time texting that some miss sleep.

• Because there's an open-carry policy at the University of Texas, gun-grabbing students intend to openly carry sex toys. Guns and dildos - an educational dream come true.  At the risk of sympathizing, I say if more sex toys were used, less shootings would occur.

Ladies - if you sniff this particular phallus-shaped mushroom, you will be highly aroused and have a fifty percent chance of a spontaneous orgasm. Plant them everywhere! Peace on earth!

• NOT Ok, Google: if you talk to your phone (not curse) using "Ok, Google," please be aware that Google stores everything you say to it. This is allegedly for accuracy and definitely for advertising.  Don't take my word for it - go ask Google. You'll find a list of every command given to it. You can opt-out but everything still gets recorded - only with an (allegedly) anonymous ID. Oh, your location gets recorded regardless (it's also available for viewing) whenever you speak, search via Google, Google Maps or other apps that have access to your location. [What does lefty do? The same thing he always does - shut that shit off. I can't deny that talking to my phone would be more convenient, as would getting directions, but not at this price.]

John Schindler, a security expert and whistleblower who now writes for The Daily Beast, has claimed that a senior EU official from an undisclosed country also inquired about impeachment proceedings, saying that the nation believes Obama is not fit for office. Why is it only foreign countries that recognize this?

• Apparently there's a chronic shortage of air traffic controllers, which has reached crisis proportions. This does not bode well for air travel. When you consider the news recently, with ground stoppages, 'glitches', hardware issues, and a seriously dilapidated, insecure, single point of failure infrastructure, you do not have a safe, secure, reliable platform. Do you feel safe flying? Are we going to wait until things collapse completely before doing anything? Probably. I just hope no one gets hurt.
• IRONIC UPDATE: A U.S. Department of Homeland Security computer system that checks airline passengers against terrorism watch lists experienced a brief service disruption. 

Writer Salman Rushdie says violence against writers and a misplaced sense of political correctness pose new dangers to freedom of speech in the West. BUT WE HAVE SELFIE STICKS!!!!!!

• Florida man (of course) arrested for DUI in motorized wheelchair. Kentucky, embarrassed,wants its title back.

Tired of debates and political bullshit? The one thing every candidate agrees on: Punish Edward Snowden. You voted them in. Now vote them out.

• NOTE to my loyal readers: Ebola lingers in semen for up to nine months. Let's not let Ebola become the latest STD, ok?

SELFIE TIME - fatality edition!

• two men in the Ural Mountains posed for a photo while pulling the pin from a hand grenade.
• a university graduate died after trying to take a selfie while hanging from a Moscow bridge.
• a 17-year-old boy fell to his death from a rooftop as he tried to take his picture for his Instagram page
• In the US recently a man died after shooting himself in the neck while taking a selfie. 
• officials at the Waterton Canyon in Colorado were forced to close the park after several people were caught getting a little too close to the wildlife.
• at Yellowstone National Park, officials issued a warning after five separate incidents of selfie-takers being gored by bison.
• In Australia, a rock that looks like a wedding cake was fenced off because too many people were climbing it to take pre or post-wedding photos of themselves.

non-fatalities (yet)

• a man taking a selfie while a bull charges at him
• a man posing with a lion 
• someone taking a picture in front of a train
• a woman taking a selfie of herself and her toddler while driving.

TOONZ:

PURE UNOBTANIUM: The question of where John Lennon's iconic Gibson J-160E acoustic/electric guitar went has been answered. The guitar will go up for auction, with John's widow getting half and donating it to her charity. The guitar is set to auction for between $600,000 and $800,000. Paul's stuff is cheaper and left-handed.

Original Lynyrd Skynyrd guitarist Gary Rossington (63) is under observation after a heart attack. Gary had previous heart trouble. Being a member of Lynyrd Skynyrd is even more dangerous than going hunting with Dick Cheney.

Having taken an obscure turn here and there, it's time to go mainstream.
The Allman Brothers have a very long history in music, as well as a lot of members. Although broken up as of this past January, the band will live forever. Shortly after achieving fame, original member Duane 'Skydog' Allman died, followed by bassist Berry Oakley. More recently, original guitarist Dickey Betts either left or was politely asked to leave, going back to his side project, Dickey Betts and Great Southern. At the time of their dissolution, Derek Trucks (slide guitar wizard and nephew of original drummer Butch Trucks) went back to the Tedeschi Trucks Band and Warren Haynes continues with his myriad projects (solo, solo band, Gov't Mule).

The definitive Allman Brothers live album is Live at the Fillmore. It comes right out of the gate with Statesboro Blues, featuring Duane's lyrical slide guitar and the ever soulful vocals of one of rock's best, Gregg Allman. Enjoy this full album and rejoice in some of the greatest performances in rock.

An Allmans staple is One Way Out. There's a man down there, might be your old man, I don't know.


Jessica, named after Dickey Betts' daughter, is a really hot instrumental which you'll recognize. Also featured on this track is a previous week's focus, Les Dudek. Instrumentals have an impossible time getting on radio but this one made it.

One of my favorite tracks is In Memory of Elizabeth Reed. I love the way it starts out slowly and ramps up to the solos. I love to jam along with this, pretending I'm with the band. I figure if you're going to dream, aim high.

An even better pretend rock star jam is Hot'Lanta. The interplay of the two drummers is apparent, plus the normal guitar heroics.

Guess which one is me....

Hey, Where's Joe?

Many years back, I interviewed and was eventually hired by Joe.  He told me later that the tipping point to his decision to hire me (aside from my meager salary requirement) was signing my email Geekus Maximus.

Joe (not his real name, but then again, it might be) was a great boss.  His sense of humor and job knowledge were superb.  He knew sarcasm but wasn't as accomplished as me so we traded skills.  Every department he walked through waved and snickered.  He was an unholy terror with sexual harassment, moreso than me, but knew what he could get away with.

Joe also schooled me on learning to speak to vice presidents and other assorted vermin up the corporate chain.  He told me to just think about what I would be like with about ninety percent of my brain removed and phrase things accordingly.

It turned out that Joe was inaccurate: it was closer to ninety-five percent.

That aside, we were a small, closely-knit band of IT operatives.  We were the lowest of the low.  One day we heard an overhead announcement for the IT Password Committee.  I turned to Joe and asked him what that was about.  He looked and me and offered that he had no idea.  No one had thought to consult the IT people about the IT Password Committee.  So it was in the Twilight Zone (and so it shall always be).

Joe had chronic pain from a back injury.  He also liked certain substances to help with the pain, as the prescribed medicine didn't work very well.  In fact, Joe liked certain substances on general principles.  People who had been to his parties all testified to this (although not in court, thankfully).

The work atmosphere got even more interesting when Rob joined our merry little band.  Rob was a classic underachiever: he would whine for three days about going on the road in order to build up the steam to actually go on the road and do his job.   Rob also enjoyed certain substances, including certain other substances.  He would show up for work in sunglasses and sit at his desk, mostly asleep, after his many nights of amusement.  He was our departmental DUI champ with a total of one.

As Joe's pain got worse, he became absent a bit.  Then a bit more.  Then a lot.  He began actively seeking certain substances for the pain.  It actually got to the point where he could be missing for an entire week.  Needless to say, work became interesting.

Manglement grew weary of absences and started making unreasonable demands like `come to work a few days per week' and `please bring a doctor's note'.  This did not work for Joe.

At about this point I started being defacto manager, as there was no one else.  One day I was minding my business, driving myself to work, when the phone rang.  It was Rob, calling to let me know he got popped for his second DUI (a new departmental record), and btw, he had an eight-ball with him at the time, so it looked like he wasn't going to be coming to work for about eighteen months.

I pride myself on my ability to go with the flow.  I'd simply figure out a way to accomplish more with less of us.  The next call, which I debated upon answering, was Joe.  He said he was going away for treatment for a few weeks; he was addicted to medicine.  And wasn't I proud of him for admitting it?

Wow.

After that, I decided to drive to work with the phone off.  At very least I would never receive any more bad news.

Unfortunately for all of us, Joe kinda lost touch.  We'd call and he wouldn't get back to us.  His employer called and he wouldn't get back to them.  Eventually they grew tired of the routine and terminated his employment.

The building was in shock, as were the denizens.  Everybody loved Joe.  We heard he was a proud man - too proud to return.  It was not like he couldn't return, even socially, yet he disappeared.  No matter how people tried to contact him, he did not respond.  We obviously had to respect his decision (even though we knew where he lived).

Every now and then people would ask "Hey, have you heard from Joe?"

Rob never returned either and the company moved on.  It's been over five years.  If Joe walked in the front door today, he'd still be stampeded by his friends, running up for a hug.  We often lamented his absence.

Today I discovered through the grapevine that Joe died last month or so.   He became a victim of his addiction.  ThermionicEmissions sends out best wishes to Joe, his wife, and his sons.

Joe, you stupid mf-er.