Clear Gelatin Makes a Good Hat

 Your love is like   a disease that exists in animals and humans

Following Hertz, Uber aims for 50,000 Teslas by 2023.

Uber is taking the safer route: their Teslas will only spontaneously combust when passengers are out of the car, leaving possible death and dismemberment to the Uber drivers, which the company doesn't care about already.

I wonder if thefts of Teslas will go down for fear they will explode while being stolen.

Today I identify as  a plane pilot who feels really dizzy today

Why is it ok and semi-normal to see two women walk down the street with their arms linked or holding hands? Why can't men do this?

errr... forget I said anything

• I told my dentist that food gets caught in between two teeth. Out of curiosity, how do that fix it?
• "We pull one and make it larger."
• Good info. Nice talk. Thanks.

LIFE-SUCKING COUCH

Gather round, people, while I relate the story of the life-sucking couch.

What is a life-sucking couch, you ask?

Glad you asked.

Let's say you come to visit. Once you get over the initial shock, you manage to make it to the couch. Within 5-10 minutes, all the life is sucked out of you. You're so.. blah... that you can't conceive of getting up, no less actually performing the getting up activity.

We have done the science: if you sit in a chair, you will not blend into it. There is some smaller effect, but it falls off with the square of distance, like the danger of the neighbors hitting me with homegrown tomatoes.

So I guess if there's some high stress or an event that has you wound up, c'mon over. Ask to borrow the couch. Just be very careful about the plastic stuff. If you kick it hard enough, it goes BOOM.

The couch itself is a funny and tragically sad story, like our lives.

When we moved into our house, we hadn't thought about a couch. The parents were getting a new one, so we adopted the old one. Quite frankly, I can't remember how it got from their house to ours. I have a sneaking suspicion that it simply transported itself, so it could suck the life out of everyone at my new house. It's a pullout, so it sleeps 2 (4 if you're having a really good night). Ya know how, if you pull the cushions, you can find all sorts of things, including bodies and new dinosaur types? I don't want to say my mother was a neat freak, but the inside of the sofa was cleaner than my house, a state it maintains to this day. Except for forks, I think.

The sofa itself is now in its old age. We had to prop it up a bit. We don't have any sort of sentimental attachment to it - we just can't pull a new sofa out of our butts. Every year, for the past 10 years, we decided we'd use our tax return money for a new sofa. And every year, something else breaks, requiring all the tax return money, plus more. Last year, we went as far as a furniture warehouse to test out sofas. There were approximately, about, over, near, ohhhh... 150 couches. There was everything from fuzzy white couches to 50s style, to something that had arms that came up and looked like some sort of Intercontinental Ballistic Missile targeting sofa. We here are most concerned about back support. We also hate pillows as a back. So out of 150, I found.... .wait for it...   one. The weirdest thing about the sofa was that it wasn't the most expensive in the store. It's probably because I didn't tell them I was left handed, in which case they would have added a 25% upcharge (like the guitar companies).

So we were pretty excited about the couch. And absolutely no emergencies presented themselves to claim the tax refund. This turned out to be fortunate, as there was no return. The IRS had 'questions.' So we missed Biden's giveaways too. And the couch remains in its spot, sucking the life out of anyone who sits on it. During lunch, I have to sit in a different place, or I won't be able to return to work. If you're not careful, it can eat your life and depress you. Can you imagine returning to work after lunch, almost unable to type, with tears in your eyes? Well it's even worse if you sit on the couch.

• Windows XP is 20 years old. Yay.
• people are still using it. Boo.
• people are stupid. Yay.

Unless you are using XP to run specific software, NOT connected to the internet or your network, it might be safe. But the people who make that software really need to get off their asses and make something current. Some police scanner listeners use it because it's very difficult to use or just doesn't work in Win7 or Win10, plus they need lots of serial ports. Software authors do not like linux, so there's virtually nothing for scanners or ham radio.

The Hubble Telescope had to go into Safe Mode. Somebody needs to reboot Windows XP.

What is Eco-friendly sex?

Don't fart?

Ah, lubes, condoms, toys, and sheets that have less impact on the planet.

These folks definitely start at the bottom

How about using the pill, if you're monogamous? It has the added benefit of not allowing you to have children.

It's not that these folks don't have a point, but airplanes, manufacturing, fossil fuel.....

• I'm not going (extra) crazy. I know we bought mayonnaise last night.
• Stupid - it's by the couch.

Jeff Bezos wants to build a business park in space

Ya know, after you become a certain level of rich, you can say or do anything you want.

Joe Walsh never hit this level, but he's a musician, and completely out of his mind.

In spite of his ship sending Captain Kirk up for ten minutes of colon-busting space joy, there are several problems he hasn't addressed:

• where is everybody going to park?
• will there be supply chain difficulties?
• does everybody have to be vaccinated?
• will visitors have to wear a mask under their mask?
• are aliens welcome too?
• will there be a Victoria's Secret?
• will Picard get his chance?

The man who scraped then sold data on 178 million Faceyspaces users gets sued by Faceyspaces.

"If there's anybody stealing and monetizing your data, it's going to use US," said Lord Zuck.

• Amazon is bringing Alexa to hospitals and senior living centers
• because their data is important to steal too, and they're less likely to complain  

US surgeons successfully test pig kidney transplant in human patient

So when you call someone a pig, you have a 1/25th chance of being correct.

Patient reports loss of desire for bacon 

• I could never be a criminal - I never video myself and put it online

Google discovered a ton of data-stealing apps in its android store.

As an android user, it really pisses me off.

Unfortunately it's 2021 and users of any computing device must take privacy and security upon themselves. Don't download shitty-looking apps. Misspellings, caused by foreign authors. Stick with what you know - this is the safest way to keep your phone well. Turn off Location, which these apps stole. Remember: if it seems to good to be true, it is.

Flying AIDS news

Worried that President Joe Biden's Covid vaccine mandate for private companies could cause a mass exodus of employees, business groups are pleading with the White House to delay the rule until after the holiday season.

Moderna Chairman Noubar Afeyan indicated on Tuesday that his company's COVID-19 shot could require yearly boosters.  Shareholders partying like it's 1999,

The news report I just saw on giving your young children the shot said that there were less symptoms than those of the Flying AIDS itself. In other words, stab your kids, because no matter what the vaccine is made of, the virus is worse. That sounds like a great rationale, made by drug company executives.

Continuing Saga of Flying AIDS Stabbing

As you might remember, I couldn't get an appointment with the big box chain, Bosco, to get a mandated shot, and had to take my chances with a walk-in. Their website had everything except scheduling. I went in last night and it went swimmingly. As usual, the employees were very nice, not at all confused, did not have fangs with blood dripping from them, and there was only a short wait. I kept looking around, trying to figure out what the problem was. Maybe they didn't know I was me.

I got to do a little people-watching. There was the guy on his phone who was treating the entire store to his side of the conversation. This guy was a credit to his species, whatever his species was. When he got to the counter, still speaking LOUDLY, he barely stopped long enough to give his name, then apologized to his caller for the interruption. It's safe to assume he had parents at some point, even if they were wolves. 

I stopped by the glasses counter and found a frame I liked, sorta. I asked the girl if they had them larger, making the universal sign for BIGGER. She asked me what I meant. I'm sorry, I can't break it down any smaller (or larger).

The guy with the needle gave me the greatest medical advice I've ever received: if you tense up, it will hurt worse going in. Ummm.... the fact that I tense up means I have less control over it than I'd like. He told me to get some Tylenol, because of the flu-like symptoms the lovely unknown vaccine produces. Since we were at Bosco, I picked some up. For $19.99, I can now fill up my bathtub with Tylenol. The effects weren't bad, and I'm still deciding what to do with the additional arm that just grew. There's some potent stuff in that shot: I was in bed before 10pm. Even sleep medicine won't put me in bed before 12.

Still: those of you who voted for Biden need to pay for this.

Take Fauci's lying more seriously

• Hiker got lost in Colorado, ignored rescuer's calls because they came form unknown numbers.
• This is me. Only I'd never hike (except to the fridge).

A grandmother who sprayed neighbors with disinfectant after they coughed in her garden has been convicted of assault.

Who in their right mind would want their plants to get the Flying AIDS?  

Eleven lions test positive at the Denver Zoo.

Would you put a mask on them? 

• Dear celebrities: you might think it's a good thing to lend your name to a cause.
• meanwhile, no one wants to hear from you

Federal Government Collected Record Taxes in Fiscal 2021
$4,045,979,000,000 in taxes in fiscal 2021      

Federal spending also hit a nominal high of $6,818,158,000,000

and it's only going to go through the roof with President Taxit.

This is why I vote libertarian.

In other stupid news, Reno criminalizes possessing whips without a permit.

I wonder if this applies at the brothels, or did they have to get permits....

'Take these m-----f-----s out': Rutgers prof rails against white people while defending CRT

new name: Eskimo Pops

Of Course I've Taken My Meds, Mr Dragon

There's a special place in hell reserved for people who Reply All.


Practical advice: your laptop or pc needs to breathe, like those people you keep in the basement. Over time, dust (and body parts) pile up in computers because they have fans. Fans suck. Sometimes the people in the basement do also. They tend to get all icky and can clog up, making it difficult to cool your computer. If you can't cool your computer, it will get hot. No, really. When it gets to a certain temperature, it will (hopefully) shut down. Even if it does, this is not a good thing.

Buy some canned air. Spray it on the intake side of the fan (there might be a filter). You can do this both running and off. You'll see dust (and hopefully nothing else) come out. I recommend against snorting it, but I can't tell you what to do, especially in the privacy of your own home. If things still get hot, download a manual for the pc/laptop or check YouTube, and learn how to turn a few screws to open it. While you're disassembling, put the screws in a pill bottle or convenient container. Spray again. Get the whole computer.

And please remember to feed the people in the basement. It's inconvenient to dispose of the remains. Or so I hear.

• Great news, Comcast users: Your favorite cableco is selling your viewing habits to advertising biz Comscore   Evil to their core.

TikTok 'tried to filter out videos from ugly, poor or disabled users'

also abnormal body shape, chubby, obese or too thin, ugly facial looks or facial deformities.  How many categories do you fit in?   I suspect the Inclusive Patrol will be all over this, even though the story will be forgotten by noon.

Experts Say the Internet Will Mostly Stay Online During Coronavirus Pandemic

Donate your excess bandwidth to www.bobsadultvids.com before something bad happens!


Surge in home working highlights Microsoft licensing issue: if you are not on subscription, working remotely is a premium feature

Hmmmm.... I wonder if there's an operating system that isn't licensed.... hmmm..

Dear lefty

• What should I avoid during this virus?
• Breathing

As everyone knows, I don't like much of anything.
However, I found this online radio station - BellyUp4Blues - this is one serious ass-kickin' station. It plays blues and blues-rock. You can listen at the website, through different services (Shoutcast, TuneIn, etc), or direct to your player. You'll hear some great blues and serious guitar. Stop by and give it a listen. If you like what you hear, it's listener-supported, so please make a contribution (I am). This is my go-to online station.

• American hero Buzz Aldrin turned 90 this year.
• don't tell anybody, but he's an alien.

An interview with a YouTuber whose entire channel is videos of him opening  doors (334).I'm going to change the name of this blog to "We're a World of Morons"
Who among us will be the next Internet Sensation? How about 500 videos of you pulling a lamp cord? Or your zipper? Unlocking a car door? Cleaning belly button lint? Pushing a vacuum from east coast to west coast (for charity, of course). Pulling boogies out of your nose?  It's so difficult to keep ahead of people.

• Before this next item, I want you to sit down... this is a big one.
• Microsoft has done well. (are you ok?) MS Teams has held up very well under incredible load.

Back to normal, a leaked document has the government preparing for an 18 month pandemic.



What did we learn today?

Astronauts ordered to shelter in-place in the Space Station over fears of COVID-19. NASA concerned that all earthlings breathing will send COVID into space, infecting the astronauts. The astronauts have to shelter -in-place while practicing social distancing. A rocket has been sent to the Space Station, loaded entirely with antibacterial soap.

For some reason I can't figure out, people have been asking me what I think about the virus (the Flying AIDS). I think the response is way overblown. WAY overblown. We don't need curfews and shelter in place and VA virus stations. This is a test of some kind. PA is days from a lockdown.

Target stores are reserving the first hour (Wednesdays?) for older folks and people with disabilities. Advice to Target: stock up on canes.
The airline industry wants, and will get, a bailout.
Trump wants to give everyone $1,000 shortly, then again (next month?)
I wouldn't be me if I didn't grouse about where this is coming from. $850 billion.
MEXICO is giving the US $250 billion for the emergency. I am seriously impressed. Imagine having to ask the drug gangs for that kind of cash...

I haven't heard any democratic response to the stimulus package, but let's take a guess:

• it wasn't big enough
• IMPEACH! AGAIN!
• His wife is ugly. Mrs Obama was a trendsetter and so beautiful
• The whole financial giveaway was Obama's idea.
• Trump set the virus loose, so he could come in and rescue everyone
• Pelosi is $25k beyond on her plastic surgery bill so we wrote it into the law
• Bernie said socialism works.
• Biden said "Look - I'm James Bond!"

Hold on, kids... information coming in.... several senators face calls to resign over insider trading. They found out about the virus and sold stock before bothering to tell their constituents. The article mentions two republican senators. Further information says more, including Nancy Pelosi. There's one rule for us and another rule for them. IMPEACH!

I have to admit I was wrong about something (don't tell my wife). When Trump was elected, I said the busiest people in DC would be the Secret Service. In fact, the busiest people in DC are Biden's handlers.

Half of the republicans are against the stimulus unless it goes well. at which point they'll take credit for it and stand proudly behind Trump. The other half are registering democrat. And the only guy who makes any sense is the guy with the boot on his head (Vermin Supreme).

Many fees and government restrictions are being lifted.

We're getting more libertarian by the day!

Amazon is doing so well, it's hiring 100,000 warehouse employees in the US. As if it isn't already happening, Bezos is wiping his butt with $10,000 bills. He used to used two, but his wife got half in the divorce.

Uber is shutting down its Uber pool, where Uber users ride-share.
The company is doing its best to "flatten the curve" of the virus.
Instead, you can ride with a patient on the way to the hospital.

We are going to find out about all sorts of technology in the weeks to come.
For instance, a Texas company has a remote camera that senses a high temperature in people walking by. I wonder if they're going to alert SWAT. This would be a bad thing, especially if you're walking your dog. SWAT and the police kill more dogs than COVID kills people.

The US government and tech industry are discussing ways to use smartphone location data (from Faceyspaces, Google, and others) to 'combat' coronavirus. NO. Ok? NO. It's bad enough there is any location data. This serves no purpose and won't go away after coronavirus does.

Bernie said he is going to re-evaluate his campaign. So he's out, leaving Biden.
Biden said he'll have a female vice-president. I suggest Nancy Pelosi - they can run on the Senility ticket. But seriously folks... this is the best they could come up with? Do you seriously want this man as president? Online wags suggest Biden just gave the presidency to Trump.


Today I identify as   toilet paper - I want to feel loved just once.



Dear lefty

• What are you listening to these days?
• The good news: listening to my neighbors have sex
• The bad news: they're in their 90s.

I am torn.
We are advised to stay in, but Guitar Center sent me a 20% off coupon. I'll brave the virus. Ladies - would you do this for 20% off shoes? We know the answer - you would risk the Black Plague for a shoe sale.



SJW STILL!

Coronavirus declared transphobic as surgeries delayed. Life saving surgeries.
It's great to see one organization blazing on with its mission in spite of health considerations.

Remember Fruit Loops? Why?

Making a more accurate pregnancy test for humpback whales.
YOU be the one to put the damn condoms on.



Know what I hate?
Everything.

• Drivers of expensive cars less likely to yield for pedestrians, study finds
• Is this supposed to be a surprise? Give me the money and I'll give you a study about how air is likely to cause breathing.

New AMD supercomputers will help NOAA predict the weather.

Yeah, but can they train it to be wrong every day, like the people on tv?

• Timex is releasing a GPS smartwatch with 25 days of battery life
• Don't you already get solid spying with Faceyspaces?

Uber tweaks its app to improve those pesky pickups

Also provides prison record of driver and whether you're more likely to get assaulted or murdered.

New wifi vulnerability only affects over a billion devices. Not to worry.

Unpatched security flaws open connected vacuum to takeover

Internet of Flaws for me, please. A huge frickin slow motion train wreck.

• Faceyspaces once built a phone that could only be used by right handed people
• Death is too good for them.

Speaking of Phrases You'll Never hear, I heard this in a meeting today:
"Oh, good, lefty's here!"



Today I identify as   a weather-worn, dilapidated fence post.

• Boeing acknowledges "gaps" in its Starliner software testing.
• Boeing is going to acknowledge "gaps" in its ticket sales.

If you've ever awakened on a weekend and said to yourself, "I could really enjoy designing some shirts," and who among us hasn't, here's the site for you.

• Yes, recycling plants are catching on fire, and lithium-ion batteries are to blame.
• I can't imagine why, with all the cell phones and electric cars. Within a few years, the greatest hobby will be going to recycling plants and waiting til they explode. Extra points for predicting the right one.

Yes, Hillary Clinton will soon have a podcast, too, like the Obamas and Rick Cruz,
But will it eat babies too?

• Today in irony: Clearview AI, who slurps up everyone's data and does facial recognition, was hacked. In fact, it lost its entire list of clients to hackers.
• Please do not mistake the loud cheering for sympathy.

Ubuntu 20.04 default wallpaper revealed!

Holy fuck, Batman - I've been waiting months for this! Can you imagine? I may not sleep til it hits my computer.

These are the same people who got sexually aroused when they found out they could change their phone's bootup animation.

• Any regular reader of ThermionicEmissions, their children, and various pets know about my feelings for rap/hip-hop. Today I read that Public Enemy (formerly Public Enema) has parted ways with Flavor Flav (real name Marvin Grossman), over a rally for Bernie Sanders. The 'band' said Flav (real name Harry Belafonte) refused to perform for free, citing Bernie Sanders' mantra that everything will be free when he's president. Flav (real name Chandra Wasigvvtghasingh) discovered he's really a republican, after being asked to perform for free. Flav (real name Epigastric Coronavirus) is the rapper on the right, with the hubcap hanging around his neck.
• Founding member Chuck D (real name Eunice Dubrowski) had the only wise words of the day, in spite of being at a Bernie Sanders (real name Ronald Reagan) rally: "Voting is [as] important as washing your ass in the morning."
• Asked for a response, Bernie Sanders (real name Old Transvestite) said, "When I am president, washing your ass in the morning will be free."

I am a huge fan of JFK. Not for his achievements, not because of his assassination, but because of his exceedingly comical accent. We haven't had an exceedingly comical accent in the White House since. I wish to make clear that Bernie Sanders' accent is nowhere near comical enough to walk by the White House.

• Faceyspaces is suing data analytics firm OneAudience for developing a software development kit that spies on its users. Reached for comment, Faceyspaces said, "If there is any spying to be done, Faceyspaces will do it."
• Faceyspaces privacy tools are riddled with missing data. We here at ThermionicEmissions are shocked.

Coming up is Rare Disease Day.

So go out and get yourself a rare disease. One that science can't cure.

• How streaming music services saved the industry
• I guess no one thought about putting out quality music....

lefty's Libertarian Minute

Congress is giving small ISPs $1 billion to rip out Huawei and ZTE network gear.  I was the one who said DC (and the entire country) should rip out Huawei network equipment. If you're on a secure network, it ain't secure with Huawei gear. Now we (it's your tax money) are spending $1 billion to bail out small ISPs. I never really studied economics, but I don't think this is how it is supposed to work. We bailed out the auto industry, which we shouldn't. We help the poor sports team owners build stadiums. Where is our bailout? It should come in the form of greatly reduced taxes. Taxes that won't allow Congress to give out a billion here, ten billion there, and even more in foreign aid. If Congress wanted to set up a fund, to which whoever wants to can contribute, that's perfectly ok. This is Bernie-itis: free bailouts! Free money! 

Nothing is free, Bernie.. it all comes from the people.

Elephants in Self-Driving Cars

iPeople: free email is being spied on. Regardless of platform, if it's free, your privacy is the cost.



Uber self-driving cars are allowed back on California roads, nearly 2 years after a fatal crash in Arizona.  Because gravity is different in California.

This, too, will fail, when Uber realizes you can't be robbed or raped without a driver.

• Tesla remotely disabled Autopilot on a used Model S after it was sold. Because buyer didn't pay for it.
• Because Tesla had access to it.  Yank the modems in your car. Your phones and e-book readers, along with iMusic devices, run like this too.

Third person in UK confirmed with coronavirus will be taken to a specialist NHS centre - in 3 weeks.

Speaking of which, China has a big problem. No, not that one.
Its people are wearing masks for coronavirus. But masks don't play well with facial recognition. What to do?    I don't know, but let's pretend we have coronavirus in the US.

• The latest Win 10 update problems and how to fix them

I need to get my eyes checked.
I can't see anything closer than 18" from my eyes.
This is a problem for many reasons, one of them being my great love for going to doctors (or much of anywhere else, but doctors are the worst). Mentally girding myself for the ride, I looked up optometrists in the area. Since I drive by them every day, I can't name one place in the vicinity. Among my search results were Sears Auto and a shoe store. I felt reasonable certain that Sears Auto had absolutely no glasses, because the chain closed, AND they only had auto glass (my head ain't that big).

Since we live in the 2000s, I could go to their websites and actually peruse frames. This is tremendous for me, as I can scratch off most, if not all, of the places because their frames are hideous, ugly, expensive, have designer names, and simply aren't what I want.

The last time I got the urge, I went online and found 34,473 frame 'stores'. And POOF - there were the frames I wanted. Glory be, you coulda knocked me over with an Abrams tank.  The really frightening part is that there were more than one pair!  The only problem is that I couldn't see the size, which was somewhat of a problem. Oh yeah, they were more than reasonably priced. I ran around the house, doing my impression of the Glasses Dance *(no I didn't) and showed it to the wife. Wife, Bringer of All Good News (and death), said they were very nice but it was stupid to buy them online because the stores would kill me with charges to make the lenses. Ah, what about if I send the rx to the online store? Nah, you don't know what you're getting and can't get them adjusted.

Wife could sink a very large cruise ship, with thousands aboard, that hadn't even gotten any coronavirus yet.  I was mad because that's my gig, and she bested me without so much as a pbthlllllllt.

I continued online, finding local places that weren't shoe stores or famous chain shutdowns. Someone needs to update their algorithms. The reason the shoe store appeared is that they have glasses in their ad. It turns out every department store has opticians, as well as their own personal selection of the most expensive and hideous frames possible. Macy's, that bastion of Cheap Stuff, advertised designer names before any pictures of frames. I looked and asked the non-obvious question: why are Sears Auto frames $79 and the exact pair, with a designer name printed on them, $399? Obviously, Very Snotty People (VSP) need to pay hundreds extra, literally for someone's name, scrawled upon their frame. It's the Frame Game!  I can afford to look down my nose at frames with some designer's name emblazoned where everybody can see (and think "Wow, that idiot has way too much money"). After all, I have a lot of guitars with the manufacturers' names on them, as well as a tall, black amplifier, named after my most loved dog. And shirts, hats, and a keychain I gave the wife. The difference here is that the name actually means something - better quality. Stamping Roy Smegma on frames doesn't take the quality up a notch or three.

Other 'recommended search results' were for carpet, women's buzzing relief aids, and tree surgeons (not covered by insurance).

To make a long story longer, I managed to rule out about 80% of what I saw. I'd have ruled out the other 20%, but the sites were cleverly designed so you couldn't actually see the frames (get it - see!). Something they teach you in Web Designer School is how to make the product visible on the front page, link it to a choice of product, and put in absolutely nothing whatsoever that will allow the viewer to actually see the products. Yes, I clicked Mens Frames, but it took me to Auto Glass. I clicked Womens Frames (no, I don't crossdress, most of the time), at which point it just sat there, mocking me. To make things more frustrating, student designers are taught how to make a spinning hourglass or circle, to make viewers think the page is going to actually do something. The students are peeing their pants by the end of this lesson.

Hang on - I just figured it out.... the pages that display the products are broken on purpose! You start to browse, can't find a single thing, then have to go to the store to look. Sheer genius. Nobody believes me when I tell them there's a conspiracy behind everything. Not even the doctors in the white uniforms.

So I have no idea whether I'm getting frames online or offline, and I'll have to leave the house, breaking my solemn vow as an amateur agoraphobe.

I haven't been on Twitter a lot, after that 58 year old woman sent me nudes.




Brain cells called microglia eat away mice's memories.
How do they get the mice to take those ridiculous memory tests?

• Boeing has identified yet another software problem on the 737 MAX.
• At this point, the fact that it has software seems to be the problem.
• In other news, Boeing has many new job openings for test pilots

Is it safe to for your ISP to use your router as a hotspot?
If you have Comcast, it likely uses your router as a wifi access point for people outside your house. While it's not immediately dangerous, hacks will emerge, plus you can't trust Comcast. The only immediate negative is congestion.

• Apple fined 25 million euro for deliberately slowing down old iPhones.
• Every day there's another reason to be sad I didn't buy an iDevice

The federal car safety agency approved a self-driving vehicle, waiving requirements for a windshield and mirrors. It's a tiny thing, intended for deliveries. Children's wagons will run it over. It will also be used at carnivals as the Ride of Death, because it's about that size.

• I have one gray eyebrow hair. If I had OCD, I'd be insane.

Since it was Sunday night, I went to bed early (2am) because I had work the next morning. I use my phone as a flashlight, so as not to wake anyone. And... there is no dog. This is a little weird, as she sleeps with her mommy always. I keep looking around. There was no dog downstairs and there would be no dog on the floor (she only sleeps on the couch or the bed - it's tough being a dog). The riddle was solved when the covers started to move, and little head popped out from under them. Well, you have to make yourself comfortable.....

The challenge is to link Sunday to something else.
Last Sunday we went out for dinner. We try to do this every month or so.
If you think I'm a little odd here, you should see me in retail establishments. Better yet, you shouldn't see me.
This one place requires you to order first, then go to your seat. Noticing they had blueberry cobbler for dessert, I ordered the heaviest, richest chocolate dessert. The cashier looked at me for a second, confused, and told me they only had the Blueberry Thing. I didn't do it to give the young lady a hard time - I did it as a request. They rotate desserts and they have chocolate about 2 days a year, first making sure I'm not in the restaurant before they put it out. This is why I don't go out a lot.


Today's best book titles:

• Pencils You Should Know
• How to Eat
• My Feet Are Killing Me

Best help solution: How to politely get a toddler to leave you alone



You don't have to believe anything typed here.

I listened to a radio show and heard this one...
A woman is beside herself with grief over her dog, who pretty much has to take the last trip to the vet. She and the dog are in the basement, she's crying and praying to heal the dog. The husband comes halfway down the steps, sees something wispy and gray, and loses time. When he 'returns,' the wife and dog are running around the room, with nothing wrong.

Hell of a story.
I wish whatever that thing was could have visited Marshall....

• Why are trucks getting bigger and cars getting smaller? I want my damn land yachts back!

Comcast is stroking itself publicly by stating a goal of 31k veterans hired.
You just know some wag will be running around yelling "INCOMING!"



Today I identify as   maple syrup

• Headline: Use Alexa to figure out what beer and wine to pair with your dinner
• We know Alexa is a bad word here, but if you want beer or wine with your dinner and have to ask Alexa, perhaps you shouldn't be drinking beer or wine with your dinner.
• Maybe you could call good old Uncle Bobby Jim and he could give you a beer suggestion. He's somewhat of an expert, having been drunk since 1955. 

Faceyspaces News

• As Sacha Baron Cohen criticizes Lord Zuck, Elon Musk tweets #DeleteFacespaces   -  some people are getting wise
• Faceyspaces loses control of its own Twitter account
• Faceyspaces encrypted messaging will 'create hiding places for child abuse'
• This is not helpful, even from child protection organizations. First of all, the criminals can simply go to a different encrypted messaging program. Second, privacy is going to hide Bad Stuff, but that's the price. Third, this could have come from a govt - the same bloody tired excuse: It's for the children. Fourth, cut the crap.

Storm Caira: since the storm started, my wife keeps looking through the windows.  If it gets worse, I'll have to let her in.      - @bf3ftw1888

• Scientists have discovered evidence of dream telepathy between humans
• This is interesting news. Many believed this to be true, long before Science.
• Science, having evidence, will convince some professionals to pursue it.
• I suspect we're getting closer and closer to understanding the nature of things, down at the quantum level.
• I predict that religion is going to have a Big Problem with this.

Starting in WWII, the top spying company, trusted by leaders the world over to spy on allies and enemies, was Crypto AG. We are all deeply shocked to learn that Crypto AG was owned by the CIA.




Heroes of the Stupid
Teen growing his hair for his sister (undergoing chemotherapy), withdraws from Texas high school after he was told to get a haircut.   There is a hair policy at this school!




SJW Support

Famous Faceyspaces Falsely Flags "hate speech" for reporting on Saira Rao's $2500 to have a dinner while getting scolded for being white fiasco.

We're all sick of Award Ceremony Whining (ACW), but this fellow is a rare gem: Taika Waititi slams Apple's MacBook keyboards after winning first Oscar




The Draconian Files

China takes wartime measures to stop coronavirus.
door-to-door home searches

US Government buys location data for millions of cellphones
It's for the children. No, wait, it's for illegal aliens.

Netflix gets takedown demands from govts
damn.. the Brazilian one looks pretty funny





SJW Slithering

She makes a hell of an argument..

My Baby Ate That Dingo!

HAPPY T-DAY to everyone, from the lefty asylum to you.

This year, I am thankful that the year is almost over.

Without government, rich and powerful people would go around raping children and get away with it.  - -on Twitter

Faceyspaces use has dropped 26% since 2017.
How terrible for them.



Paypal, the payment company from hell, just dropped support for over 100,000 adult performers who upload content to Pornhub.

• Paypal has dropped a lot of adult businesses and performers, along with banks and others.
• It's their business and they can do what they want
• I will not be moralized to by a payment company that can't make simple Ebay payments without screwing one side or the other.
• Vote with your mouse: click elsewhere when making online payments

Dear lefty

• It's 2019. What is an important skill for the well-rounded person?
• Being able to say pancreas in every language.

A site just popped up, where scientists, futurologists, and experts from around the world predict what's happening in 2050. Rather than going through all the trouble of clicking a link, I'll just list a few off the top of my heads....

• Internet of Things (IoT) brings the spyware right into your living room. Oh, wait....
• Iot devices using AI start to talk to each other and plan House Riot. Also one at a time refuses to work; works fine once the tech arrives.
• at least 2 crooks will be running for president, with a crooked Congress and crooked local government
• many will be dead
• people will be saying that Climate Change will affect us next week
• Computer on Glasses will get hacked, causing you to walk into traffic. This will be balanced by watching the videos of people walking into traffic because Computer on Glasses got hacked.
• Brain Implant Chip will be found to be reactive to humidity, causing eyes to pop out of heads, body stuttering, and campaigning for Baron Trump
• Self-driving cars recalled because the people wanted firewalls and the cars kept driving into walls
• cats with syphilis
• Direct to Brain TV reality hit shows: Real Lives of Car Oil Changers, Real Lives of People Who Put Rubber Gloves into Plastic Packets for sale, Real Lives of the Guys Who Sell Rubber Gloves, Can My Furry Sing

Today I identify as liver

• Definition time!  An oophorectomy is getting rid of your ovaries. An uberectomy is getting rid of a ride service that will either rape or kill you.

The former NBC executive who championed Seinfeld died.
Further proving Seinfeld is toxic and eventually fatal.

• A Miami symphony oboe player fell down a flight of stairs before her performance and died.   Another classical music-related death.

The United States is suing Edward Snowden. Amusing as that is, wait til you hear why..  not because he fled the country and leaked top-secret information about NSA's global and domestic surveillance activities, no. Because he didn't submit it to the NSA for pre-publication review. Russia doesn't have an extradition treaty.

In other legal news, the United States is also suing Jeffrey Epstein, for 'committing suicide.' The Attorney General dropped a summons on his grave.





No thank you, I'd rather juggle rhinoceri



My grandparents loved me unconditionally. Sometimes I think I probably didn't deserve it.
     Way back in first grade, when I was a considerably less-experienced bastard, there was a contest to sell light bulbs. My grandfather bought quite a few of them for his store. I won the contest. What did I win? Probably the chance to compete in the next contest.

Years later I was at his store. In the stockroom, way in the back, was a pile of boxes. Of light bulbs. He didn't use that kind in his store.

No, I didn't deserve them.

• What do crystals, Albert Einstein, the University of Kentucky, and symmetry have in common? Time crystals.
• It's a fascinating article in Scientific American and if you grok it, please explain it to me.

Talks with Bobbi
at the grocery store

HER: So much to look at.
ME: Are you having fun?
HER: Yes, they're delicious.



Hoping to raise some tourism dollars, Fitzgerald, Georgia, is building an enormous chicken.    It was funnier when Monty Python did it.







Heroes of the Stupid

Women love working together. That's my experience anyway - Shirley MacLaine
but only if 2 of them are working together to kill the 3rd.

Los Angeles, aka Poo Central, struck another blow for poohkind, when a homeless gentleman launched a bucket of diarrhea at a passerby.  This is disgusting. However, the 10 year old part of me is in hysterics.

Continuing on the theme, a manhunt is underway after 2 homeless men were struck with an arrow in a San Francisco Bay park by an archer on a purple bicycle.

Louisiana police shoot and kill family dog while serving warrant on wrong address.    ARM THE DOGS!!

“The Ohio House on Wednesday passed the "Student Religious Liberties Act." Under the law, students can't be penalized if their work is scientifically wrong as long as the reasoning is because of their religious beliefs.”    It's 2019 - stop pushing your religion on the public. We have a First Amendment to protect us from you. All hail the Flying Spaghetti Monster - r'amen!




SJW Rantings

MSNBC's Joy Reid dismisses Thanksgiving as 'problematic food holiday'


UW Seattle students claim doctors notes are literally harmful


English singer Ellie Goulding threatened to cancel the halftime Thanksgiving NFL show unless the Salvation Army makes a 'pledge or donation' to the LGBT community. The Salvation Army schooled her.   To her credit, she volunteers there and walks the walk.

Oh Atlanta

The city of Atlanta got hit with ransomware a few days back. FBI, Microsoft, and Cisco are investigating. Mayor Keisha Bottoms (good God, no!) announced that the breach had been ransomware.  There is no word on whether the ransom will be paid, as Mayor Bottoms (I'm going to keep typing this name for months) did not elaborate. As we all remember, if you keep good backups, you should be ok. And don't click on anything. Anything. Just don't.

• It is with great surprise that I congratulate my area's snow removal personnel. Before the very large storm was over, the streets were clear. Including mine, which tends to be toward the back of the line. With a day or two of sun, there was precious little to shovel. Remember: shoveling is the major cause of heart attacks. Don't shovel.

Many many people marched over the weekend to protest the recent shootings. Or rather, they marched for gun control. Thousands and thousands of people marched against their own rights. 

Now, the disclaimers: 

* the marchers have every right to march - it's their First Amendment right, which I support wholeheartedly. 

* what happened in Parkland (and every other location) was unconscionable. Beyond tragedy. My heart goes out to those left behind. There was no reason for any of it.

* is there really any surprise that the shooter had issues, after the police were called to the house approximately 30 times?

* the sheriff and other law enforcement people failed to enter the school while the shooting was in progress. Police response time was 20 minutes.

* had the school taught the kids about the Constitution, perhaps they'd think twice about leaving class to protest it. But we don't seem to have any investment in teaching our children anything useful. I continue to not use algebra.

* one of the marchers in New York was Sir Paul McCartney. I don't know what Sir Paul's country of residence is, but I am getting tired of being lectured by people outside the country, who do not understand our laws and Constitution. It's bad enough our own people don't understand. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only musician who isn't a liberal (or conservative).

* I don't want to lose one life, under any circumstances; child or adult. I truly wish I had a solution. Gutting the Second Amendment is not the answer.

* No word on the senseless tragedy from Atlanta's mayor, Keisha Bottoms (told you so).

In the past day, I discovered that permits were applied for two months in advance of the parade.

• My friends at the Wall Street Journal (I lied - they don't return my calls) tell us that a Vanderbilt University researcher claims that hospital data breaches lead to patient deaths. 2100 patient deaths each year, according to the study. After a breach, quality of care goes down for some reason. This is a great article to read first thing. I love the smell of doom in the morning. 

The other day at the airport, beepers started going off. They were plentiful, and they were shrill.  Lots of serious-looking men in uniform, with guns, started arriving and waving these odd wallet-size devices around. They would emit their own screeching, varying in pitch. Eventually they located a woman and turned their beepers off. There are radiation sensors all over the place and the devices were portable detectors.  What triggered them? A woman who had a medical procedure involving low level radiation, five days prior.  I read about this happening at a border crossing a few years back, again from a prior medical procedure. Well, it's a good thing people aren't carrying dirty nukes through the airport, I guess. You can decide if your tax dollars are well-spent.

• The encryption mechanism in Firefox and Thunderbird's "Master Password" feature was found vulnerable.  If you use either, they will be upgraded. In the "I told you so" department, do not store passwords in your browser, please. Use a password manager.

The Coworker Chats

Monday morning...

ME: I've got training today from 1-2 and tomorrow from 3-4.

Tuesday morning...

HIM: I'm a little confused. Do you have training today?

ME: Yes, 3-4.

HIM: ok, thank you. I got my handbook today. Did you?

ME: I didn't order the print version.

HIM: So you received the download?

ME: no.

HIM: you don't need the handbook?

ME: I haven't received it.

HIM:  but we all got an email from them, asking us which we wanted.

ME: Please do not talk to me in the morning. Or afternoon.

-----------------------------------------------------------

ME: that training on helpdesk I took was a mess
HIM: the service desk or ???

ME: one of us needs to take a remedial English class. Guess which? The other one of us needs to start drinking,.

My old boss suggested pills, "because drinking takes too long to get good at".

------------------------------------------------------------

Speaking of old bosses, yesterday I flashed back to an old job. I was driving into work, when I got a call from my boss, who had gone missing for a week or two. He wanted me to be impressed because he admitted that he was an addict.

I pride myself on not overreacting to bizarre and sometimes tragic information, so I was able to drive while listening. I humored him (that's great, man, going away for 28 days?). He subsequently disappeared for another week, called to say hello, then disappeared completely.

Since that was the morning for phone calls, I got another, from a coworker. He got pulled over by the police, who found rather serious drugs, for some reason, and he was 'going away' for a bit.

So, aside from losing a substantial portion of our department, it was a pretty good day.

Epilogue:
I ran for boss. Coworker said he'd pray for me (he was serious). I became boss. Did good work. Drug Person went away for a while (we threw him a going away party). A year or two later, we were horrified to learn Boss died. Now I work for a place where gravity is more than a suggestion.

• The Federal Trade Commission announced it is launching an investigation into Faceyspaces' data privacy practices. Where have these people been for the last ten years?
• Rob Sherman is the deputy chief privacy officer at Faceyspaces, who said “We remain strongly committed to protecting people’s information. We appreciate the opportunity to answer questions the FTC may have.”
• In other news, Faceyspaces has a deputy chief privacy officer.  I hear the NSA has a deputy chief privacy officer too. Can you imagine that job? The main task is checking to see that your salary was electronically deposited on time. Perhaps the two of them play golf. Tiddlywinks? A second career in porn?
• Zuckerberg's take on your lack of privacy? You signed up for it.
• Atlanta mayor Keisha Bottoms has not announced whether she will appoint a chief privacy officer for Atlanta. Judging by the ransomware attack, the answer is no (I could go all day with this).

Dan Schneider and Nickelodon have parted ways.
Opted to end their longtime partnership.
Agreed to not extend the current deal.
Pursue other opportunities and projects.

Dan is responsible for The Amanda Show, What I Like About You, Drake & Josh, Zoey 101, iCarly, Victorious, Sam & Cat and more.

What this mealy-mouthed, extended litany of bull excrement translates to is: Hey Dan... the poop is hitting the whirling device's blades. The stories of your pedophilia are coming fast and furious. We cannot call you a pedophile, at least according to our legal department, so we'll agree to voluntarily separate.

Hollywood is a cesspool, although not the only industry we will hear from on this topic.

After thinking about this for a while, I finally remembered where I saw him.... he's Ricky from Better off Dead!

Dan Schneider

Ricky - Better off Dead

RIP David Ogden Steirs - Better off Dead (and M*A*S*H)

If you have not seen Better off Dead, stop what you're doing and find a copy. Rent or buy, if necessary. The movie stars a very young John Cusack, as the kind of guy that life likes to take a dump on every now and then. I cannot accurately describe it but it's hilarious and suitable for all ages (I think). If you have seen it, isn't it time to watch it again?

• This fella found out what kind of information Faceyspaces had on him...
• If you have finally decided to extract Zuckerberg's nose from your life, here are a bunch of URLs to add to your HOSTS file, along with its location.

Just the facts: Bishop Amvrosios (real name Athanassios Lenis, of course) is about to be retried. He labelled gay people the "dregs of society".  What kind of people are they hiring over there? Should Catholics be happy that he's not a pedophile (not yet accused)? Maybe he's just mad about the gay orgy held near the Vatican, with male escorts and all the trimmings. Yeah, that's it.

• Everybody loses stuff; we're just particularly good at it. Last week, somebody lost dinner. Ok, leftovers in a container, but still... 
• Somebody once said that we keep our landlines for the purpose of calling our cell phones to see where they are. 
• Yesterday, someone lost a case of dog food. Dog food. Can you imagine the talent involved in losing an entire case of dog food?
• Right before a job interview, I heard the famous phrase, "How does someone lose an entire suit?

Best Headline

Was Arianna Huffington involved in sex cult depicted in NETFLIX series?

• Not all news out of San Francisco is bad or involves Nanci Pelosi. An Uber car got stuck after accidentally driving down stairs. The driver was a senior citizen. He said he doesn't normally encounter this problem when driving off tall buildings.
• You know what's next, right? Uber car plows through convenience store. Senior citizen driver says, "I went to step on the brake and hit the gas instead."
• Mr Uber President? United Airlines is on line 2. They want to know if you want the name of their public relations firm.

A man near Seattle was arrested, suspected of sending suspicious packages to multiple military facilities in DC.  Police say his motive was not immediately clear, but [you know what's coming - sing along with lefty] there was no immediate connection to terrorism. And before you ask, I was nowhere near Seattle recently.

In unrelated news, a (non-elderly) man drove his car into the FBI building. In the moments after the crash, as they were hauling Muhammed bin Boom from his car, the FBI guys said that the crash had absolutely nothing to do with terrorism.

Today in Legal News

• New York, which has thus far saved its citizens from the scourge of drinking too much soda, as well as from people who are smoking while walking, has proposed making it illegal for employees to access work-related email outside their regular work schedules.
• Usually one must live in California to find this kind of outrageous silliness.

Something happens on the Supreme Court. Maybe it's the food. Maybe it's the atmosphere. Maybe stupid multiplies in proximity to other stupid, but in the interests of the country, someone had better find out.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg has been pictured falling asleep. She also said she would leave the country if Donald Trump got elected. And now former Justice John Paul Stevens says the recent demonstrators should demand a repeal of the Second Amendment. 

I am not a legal scholar - far from it. I am hoping that Stevens is, but it's dubious. The Second Amendment was to protect ourselves from tyranny, locally and governmentally, yet he sees no more use for it.  Somebody's been drinking the Kool Aid, Justice Stevens. You should be ashamed.

It was inevitable, but this is pretty quick

• In the news, yet another attractive high school teacher is up on charges, this time for performing repeated acts of oral sex upon an early teen boy. She will go to jail. The boy will get a wing of the school named after him, as well as straight A's and more pats on the back than all of the sports teams combined.
• Today brings us the news that more nursing assistants have been arrested for sex with patients. This is the second bunch to be charged, out of an Iowa care facility. 
• I don't know what you think, but before they are sentenced, can we have a study on this particular healing modality? At very least, sex releases endorphins, which are the body's own painkillers. That alone should qualify as therapy, so long as they don't try to bill it to the insurance company. What is more uplifting than sex with a 20-something nursing assistant? Except sex with the 44 year old assistant, who knows a few tricks the 20-somethings don't.
• The women were charged with sexual exploitation by counselor, therapist, or school employee.  Let's have a non-legal, non-medical, non-expert discussion of these charges. Sexual exploitation... let's ask the patients if they felt exploited. It's not like they were forced (unless they asked to be forced). The CNAs are not counselors, therapists, or school employees - there is no doubt or wiggle room there. Marshall the cocker could verify this.
• Stop for a moment. Think about baseball. Now, let's ponder sex with patients... I fully expect Weird Stuff to happen in any industry. We'd hear about it from time to time. But this particular Weird Stuff has happened at one facility. Do they do STD testing of employees? Do they hire from the horny pool? Is there something about new employee orientation that sets them upon the patients? What kind of weirdness would cause this to happen at one site? Something in the water? Depression caused by living in Iowa?
• If you, faithful readers, and I got together, we could solve many of the world's pressing problems. Meanwhile, I'm feeling ill. Perhaps a stay in Iowa would do me good.

Continuing the legal beat, a woman in Ohio was arrested for making lewd comments to the Easter bunny, while having her picture taken with it/him/her. Technically she was arrested for drunkenness, because, as we all know, it's not illegal to make lewd comments to the Easter bunny (unless you're in England and hurt Bunny's feelings).

• In-N-Out Burger in California (you think we'd get this far without a California story?) is filing suit against a prankster pretending to be their CEO. The prankster is a YouTube video-maker, and the chain wants damages of more than $25,000. Because pranksters on YouTube make that kinda money.
• In other news, employees of In-N-Out Burger in California have voted to keep a prankster claiming to be their CEO, as their CEO. An employee in their Van Nuys store said, on the condition of anonymity, "He's much nicer than the real CEO, so we're going with him."
• "This kind of thing would never happen here," said Atlanta Mayor Keisha Bottoms.

Seriously, people, you need to get control of these drones. I'm not kidding when I say lives are at stake. Down There in New Zealand, a drone came so close to a plane that the crew worried it would get sucked into an engine. Although planes are designed to operate on one less engine, you don't want to test the theory, right? The Boeing 777-200 was coming in for landing. 

In related news, New Zealand has planes? 777-200s?

Philly has planes too. And three-deep parking in the No Parking zone.

South Philly has double and triple parking in front of row homes. If you tell someone they cannot do that, they get up from their pasta and meatballs, come out their front door, and put a .45 right between your eyes.

• The dog just barked at a trash truck. Not that I mind him defending us from trash trucks, but this is Dog Behavior. It always freaks me out when he does something normal dogs do. I'd expect that he'd be guarding his mommy, in bed, at this hour of the morning.

Back to the Parkland shooting for a moment... there was a drill on that day.
Just like 9-11 and countless others. Note to everyone: if there's a drill scheduled for anything, take the day off sane. Or sick.

• I don't care how old you are; going from Bangkok to Phuket is funny.

Way back around 2000, I found an interesting online group, spending a lot of time chatting with them. I noticed some kind of common knowledge of an event, not related to the topic of the group. Finally I asked why it was a good idea not to be in New York around that time. And would I be in the path of whatever happened.... they indicated that I'd probably be ok but didn't know much more, other than a large, dangerous event.

Years later I recalled this and realized they were talking about 9-11-2001.

People and organizations are studying all sorts of odd things. At different places across the world, there are electronic coin-flippers, all connected to the internet. As we know, the odds of odd/even coming out on a coin toss is 50-50, more or less. The online flippers bear this out. Approximately a day before 9-11, they went widely out of pattern. Some people report dreams of burning buildings. Just information for you - do with it what you want.

Smuggling Produce

There are prohibitions on taking produce from one state to the other. This also happens from country to country. It makes perfect sense; one invasive species could do untold damage to the local ecosystem. Did you know that California salami carries the risk of foot in mouth disease. Whenever I speak, I run the risk of foot in mouth disease.

A long long time ago, we visited California. My friends gave my wife something we had never seen - a blood orange. Wasn't I surprised when she whipped it out on the plane... I went white and explained the situation to her. Being an ex-Catholic, she was even more guilt-ridden. Fortunately the Fruit Police didn't profile us.

Unfortunately some different police did profile us. My luggage 'went missing' and we were told it would be delivered the next day. Perhaps my dirty clothes looked threatening when they were looking for something to steal in Baggage.

• Somebody did something nasty at the NSA. Strangely enough, this wasn't done inside the NSA, by its employees. There was an event at the gate, resulting in three people being injured, one shot. The NSA was waiting for the FBI to get there. I guess they preferred making a phone call to putting an alert in the FBI's computers while they were 'monitoring' the FBI network.
• Federal officials are trying to figure out what led to the incident. I'm no crime expert, but I'd say it was the vehicle trying to get past the gate.
• The FBI said this is not terrorism. They don't know why it happened, but it isn't terrorism.

A group of scientists at my house have discovered, to no one's surprise, that cockers like Cheese Jax.

This is why you never sit over the wing.

• Songbirds Have Brains Specially Designed to Find Mates for Life. Humans have brains that are uniquely suited to watching reality tv.

NASA (Never A Straight Answer) is going to investigate a 10,000 year old  (East) Indian rock with paintings of what looks like aliens and UFOs.

NASA's finding will be that random environmental forces combined to produce what appears to be drawings, but is just completely random. SETI (Silly  Effort To Investigate) will offer the opinion that this drawing was part of a 10,000 year old comic strip, and wasn't meant to be serious. They checked their records and SETI 10,000 years ago said the same thing.

• Black Panther, the movie opening this week, has split white folks on whether it's ok for white children to wear the Black Panther mask. It could be seen as cultural appropriation.
• In unrelated news, black folks are in a tizzy over whether it's ok for their children to wear Cinderella masks and long hair. It could be seen as cultural appropriation.
• Heaven help us from white people helping us.

Thanks but no thanks: Bill Clinton has been deemed too toxic to campaign in the midterm elections. They offered the Clinton Foundation $10,000 to keep his wife home too.

• Amazon has confirmed that sex toys have been sent to random people and they have no idea how to stop it. I want to know who complained. 
• The technique, known as "verified review hacking," could involve sellers setting up dummy accounts to buy and ship their own products to strangers.
• Amazon has set aside fifty thousand dollars to open a thief school, where potential thieves learn to steal things and send them to their own houses.
• So if Grandma has a new spring in her step, look for the Amazon box.

Google is about to start filtering ads in the Chrome browser.
The initially great-sounding announcement should be looked at, like everything else, with great skepticism. The 'standards' Google is using are somewhat arbitrary, using results from an ad coalition pf which Google is a part. The idea is to get people to turn off their ad blockers, because Google and others make a lot of money from them. Imagine being the 5,000lb gorilla who is able to do this.

How am I going to react?
Same as always: by not using Chrome, which phones home to Google anyway.
From Chrome derivatives: nothing. Keep the damn ad blockers on, regardless.
From any other browser: keep the damn ad blockers on.

• Scientists warn that cleaning products are as bad for you as smoking 20 cigarettes a day.  I'm glad this was discovered and plan to do neither cleaning or smoking, so as to avoid this avenue to cancer.

Faceyspaces made things a little more safe by allowing two factor authentication. In English, this means that you log in with your password, then they send a text to your cell with a code to enter. Two factors are your password  and the code. This makes it more difficult to hijack your account (unless the thief knows your password and has your phone). Unfortunately Faceyspaces is spamming people's phones. They may or may not know this is happening.

Every day is another reason I regret for not using FB.

• So how do those smart speakers work? Check out the link - very interesting information, in case you're curious or purchased one by mistake. 
• This technology is Future Stuff. It's wonderfully helpful. It can save you time and effort. It can control your entire house. If you can deal with the negative sides.

If you use Chrome browser, be aware that Google has decided it's the arbiter of what is and isn't an acceptable ad. It is a member of an ad coalition and will be blocking certain ads to discourage people from using ad-blockers, which cut into Google's profits. 

I don't use Chrome, but there are a number of variants (Iron, Vivaldi, Opera, etc). I recommend running your ad-blocker and there's nothing more to be done. If you're looking for a good crap blocker, install uBlock Origin. This is also available for Firefox, and is lighter than others.

• Everybody's favorite pontiff, Pope John Paul Jones, was hailed as a miracle when he took the gig. Lately, not so much. His calls for change have upset the powers that be in the Church. The fellow he put in charge of financial reform, Cardinal George Pell, had to take an unscheduled break to deal with historical sex offense charges in his native Australia. The commission for the protection of minors contained two abuse survivors, who resigned, stating lack of progress.
• This man has so many people mad at him that he has been offered a secular position in the Trump White House.

I like to think America leads the world in so many things, so it's downright upsetting to see other countries outperforming us. A woman in England was arrested after leaving a nasty note on an ambulance, telling them she didn't care if the whole street collapsed; they needed to move the van because they had no right to be parked there.

This is unacceptable. To find someone so downright rude and entitled outside of the US is unimaginable.

Naturally, since this was England, she was arrested on suspicion of public order offenses. The ambulance company stressed that the arrest included verbal abuse they received, which is "completely unacceptable and must stop" There are unfortunately still a handful of narrow-minded individuals who consider leaving vile abusive notes acceptable."

While the article did mention the necessity for services to perform their duties, they seemed much more upset at the 'vile note'. I love England. If you picked up an illegal knife (longer than 3") and stabbed an entire hospital ward to death, you'd be politely taken into custody. If you stabbed an entire hospital ward to death, then made a statement disparaging Muslims, you'd be thrown the the ground, beaten, and put in jail for life. And yes, I'm exaggerating, ever so slightly.

Toxicity and Privilege Report

• That bastion of top ten thinking, Yale University, now offers a course that teaches students 'counternarratives around whiteness'.  It explores such topics as “white imagination,” “white property” and “white speech.” Follow the link: my words cannot begin to describe the abject silliness of the theme. I think I feel my White Privilege rattling.
• USA Today asks "Are boys 'broken'? Another mass shooting renews the debate on toxic masculinity".  Toxic masculinity? Who thinks this stuff up? Do they sit around in a room coming up with concepts that don't exist and putting them out as serious? Do they get paid? Do you notice that no one would dare say something like this about women?
• If you leave this blog with one thing, besides a headache, remember that sociology is not necessary for understanding; take it for granted that it's bad to be white, toxic to be male, and if you're a white male, you should just be jailed before you do something Really Bad. So if this blog ever stops getting updated, either my wife has killed me and disposed of my body so well that no one will ever find it, or The PC Police have finally hauled me away to prison because I'm not thinking the correct way.

Today's Hot Headline indicates that KFC is facing a shortage of chicken.
Taking it in stride, a spokesman for KFC said it was a good thing they weren't facing a shortage of Chicken-like Substance.

• ThermionicEmissions is proud to announce its first comment to a blog post this year. Never mind that it was spam - it was nice to see it.

Philadelphia has announced it's going to stop Porch Pirates. For those of us un-hip enough to know, Porch Pirates follow delivery trucks around and steal boxes left on porches or steps. Furthermore, Philly will also be stopping bank robberies and illegal gun sales. With legislation. Some might say Philly is an unrealistically optimistic city. Others would say Philly is silly.

Philly will be having a very large suicide march shortly. They did not indicate whether they were trying to stop it or encourage it. The following week, Philly will be holding a dance-in for gun violence.

• For all the women screaming about inequality, here's progress: Sacramento Assemblywoman Cristina Garcia (allegedly) fired an employee for refusing to play "spin the bottle" with her, during a drunken party.  This is the second accusation for Garcia, who is on voluntary, unpaid leave. Never doubt yourself, ladies.. you can do anything a man can do.

Something odd happened today at work. I was waiting for some help from another department and I saw an attractive woman. Not just "work hot", she was pretty. This is a once a year (or more) occurrence. Someone told me about minority hires and here was the proof. Apparently we need to hire one attractive person for the entire corporation or hundreds of very good looking people will mill about, out front, with signs (that have spelling errors).

I figured this must be my lucky day, but it got better: she smiled and said hello.

I smiled and said hello, trying not to spit on her or say anything (more) stupid.

I can talk to almost any woman, just making observations or funny comments. But put an attractive woman in front of me who I might like to get to know better and I become a stuttering fool, with traces of blithering idiot. Fortunately I don't have to do that anymore, or my wife will get very angry.

An employee of this department came in, donned a wide grin, and said good morning to her. Then he saw me... and said hi.

I turned to her and asked if she noticed the difference in greetings. Like most people, she had no idea what I was talking about.

I explained, she laughed, and that was the extent of our interaction. 

I give it three weeks until she gets transferred out of sight.

• George Clooney, tired of adoration and good will, is eyeing a 2020 run for president.
• George believes in gun control and donates to the Southern Poverty Law Center, a terrorist organization. Need we say more?

Due to the current 'opioid crisis', officials are turning to acupuncture for chronic  pain. Many insurances would not cover acupuncture as of a few years ago. Oh, the irony. You better watch out - the insurers might cover chiropractic soon...

• Today's Best Headline: UberEATS driver charged with killing customer. Behold the new era of dog eat dog customer service. Sometimes it's a game to see who kills whom first. Extra points for eating the body.

The Louisville men's basketball team has to give up its 2013 national championship. All this because of allegations that a former staff member arranged for strippers and hookers at their dormitory. I don't know much about sports, but I do know you need to keep morale high. And what better way to keep morale up, so to speak, than strippers and hookers? This is patently unfair to the good men of the team. The results obviously showed, as they won the championship.  Coaches, recruiters, and professional teams should take notice of this finding.

• "Kill the NRA" sign appears on a billboard.
• Reminds me of a saying: the NRA is the only group that gets blamed for what none of its members do.

Using the Freedom of Information Act, people got hold of all sorts of tapes and documentation of an October 2017 UFO sighting, that launched F-15 fighters to intercept it. The UFO then became invisible to radar. While there is no conclusion and the UFO disappeared, the article is full of information relevant to the event.

This is not only notable for the documentation and process, but that there was any information released at all. Normally when researchers start investigating, the object 'did not appear on radar' and 'there is no documentation because there is no investigation.' I know NOTHING. I see NOTHING.

I again did battle with my arch nemesis: the vacuum. Vacuum tubes are pretty damn fun and they sound good, regardless of the few hundred volts required to operate them. Vacuum cleaners, however, have bedeviled me since I moved into the house.

My mom tells me that when I was little, I went to people's houses to visit and took apart their vacuums. I have no knowledge of this, but my mom isn't quite given to being this creative. I think I was just antisocial before the age of eight and there were no computers to play with.

All this apparently changed recently.
At one time there were two semi-adults with long hair, plus a cat and a dog. This produced enough hair to build several full size Hair Sheep on the carpets. No problem - I'll vacuum.

Nope.
Problem.

I'm not old enough to be a man who grumbles GET OFF MY LAWN and They Sure Don't Make Em Like They Used To (except for cars, which are way too damn small). However, I am forced to, by the performance of vacuums. There's a vague memory of childhood and an ugly blue vacuum that rolled on the floor, with a hose coming out of it. The voices are saying "Electrolux", so they're probably the ones who took apart the vacuums when I was little. You could drag this vacuum behind a car for twelve miles and it would come back into the house (hopefully not by itself) and do the same wonderful job it always had (provided you remembered to change the bag). Everybody had one like this and no one ever had any problems.. they just worked.

Now, as you'd expect, the machines are mostly upright and made out of plastic. They are available at all price points from $99 to $2,000, with Straight Sucking, Wind Tunnel, Cyclone, and Full Blown Tornado picking up options. The joke is on the buyers because none of them work any better than the others. The colors become more attractive as one spends more, plus they're rated in amps. Here's the marketing secret: amps denotes how much electricity the motor pulls from the wall socket. It has absolutely nothing to do with how well the vacuum sucks. One assumes that because the number is larger, the vacuum is better. Although it is possible, this is not the rating that is important.

So we bought a middle of the road vacuum. Which worked for two weeks, then choked. At this point, you have no choice but to become an expert in taking apart vacuums, diagnosing, and fixing them. Or buying a new one every few months.

The next few were cheap, and worked just as well as the others, sometimes better. Then caught fire and tried to burn the house down. One trembled and disintegrated. One tried to electrocute the cat. And all of them kept choking on hair. After a quick hair removal, I noticed huge grooves in the bar, for the hair to fall into and collect, until it failed to operate. Ever the helpful little bastard, I called the vacuum company and suggested they make the grooves much more narrow, so the hair wouldn't be tempted to collect. The lady thanked me and said she'd pass it on to the engineers. Unbeknownst to me, she did pass it on to the engineers, who had a wild party, with booze and hookers, and read all the stupid suggestions sent in by poor schmucks users of the vacuums. As one would expect, mine got the most laughter, and was second only to the suggestion that they design the vacuums to last more than a few months. Even the hookers laughed at that one.

Then there's the Oreck, featured in commercials, holding up a bowling ball. We purchased one, overjoyed by the bowling ball trick, knowing it would help us in this very difficult and solemn task. I turned it on, it ate up some pantyhose, and immediately broke. So much for Oreck.

I'm not disparaging all vacuums. Our current unit is a Shark. Or Badger. Or Cyclone. Or something. I must admit that this vacuum has held together frighteningly well. It would have to, as it has to pick up tons of debris and hair, plus survive becoming airborne when it pisses me off. Which is does often.

It really picks things up; the hallmark of a good vacuum. Or any vacuum, really. It's easy to empty, requires no bag, and hasn't met a pair of pantyhose yet that it didn't like. Except it chokes. Then I spend the next fifteen minutes on my knees, with a scalpel or boxcutters, freeing the beater from the hair, dirt, and small cars it has sucked up.

My wife is having none of this and blames it all on me. Of course, this could apply to anything in the house (or out of the house). She doesn't say YOU, but I know who she's talking to, when she gets mad and says no vacuum in the WORLD will pick up the mess from only vacuuming once a month. I resent this, as I vacuum every other month. Then she tells me one cannot simply vacuum, one must rake. My head is turning around like John Cleese in Fawlty Towers, looking for some sign of intelligence in a dark tunnel.

Wife pulls out this device I have never seen before in my life. It looks like a really beefy windshield wiper blade, but shorter and more businesslike. She proceeds to 'rake', picking up small bundles of gunk that frighten the cat because they're bigger than he is. Apparently I am supposed to go around the house, on my knees, raking the carpet before I vacuum.

I have to draw the line somewhere, and this looks like a really good place for it.

No.

I will not use two devices to clean rugs. God, or Charles Manson, gave us the vacuum to clean carpets completely, not requiring pre-treatment, like a rug shampooer.

The other day, the vacuum decided to pull a variation on not working whereby it moved the dirt around, but sucked just enough dirt to make it look like it might be working. I did not like this one bit, as I don't like to have to think on weekends, especially when it involves troubleshooting vacuums. Once again I got out the surgical kit and removed the detritus from the beater, creating a pile of hair I wish I could somehow attach to my head. Once again I resumed vacuuming and the vacuum resumed pushing the dirt around. It had temporarily outsmarted me and was laughing ever so slightly that I couldn't hear it if I didn't listen for it. The vacuum has a light at the bottom to tell you it's ok, or it's clogged, or perhaps I should really leave vacuuming to someone who doesn't have the patience of a very upset five year old. The light was green, which obviously meant something was wrong.

It finally hit me... it was clogged.
This vacuum has a lot of parts. Metal parts, plastic parts, body parts, and hoses. In fact, it has more hoses when taken apart than when assembled. I finally located the clog, forty feet into one hose. Have you ever tried to shine a flashlight through a forty foot hose to see if it's clogged? They go around corners, you know.

I got out my Johnny Home Colonoscopy Kit, which features that long, flexible hose they put up your butt to see if there's any bad stuff there, or just because they enjoy putting flexible hoses up your butt and getting paid large amounts in the process. After locating the clog, I convened a panel to discuss how to remove it, being in the forty foot hose. Pens were out, as were telescoping back scratchers, wombats (I didn't have any), and the cat (he's dead). So I did what every manly man does... I banged it on the floor in a manly way. I didn't have to listen at all to hear the vacuum openly mocking me.

One small rodent later, one end of the clog got loose. This time when I banged it on the floor, more came out. I held it to the light because I like making the same mistake several times. By then, the telescoping back scratcher worked, with the imitation hand on the end grabbing pieces of gunk. Twenty minutes later, the vacuum was completely free of obstructions, including my foot. The resultant mass on the carpet looked roughly like Whoopie Goldberg, only taller and less annoying.

Tired but energized from my first win, I started to vacuum.
And (I want my wife to read this) I did it without a rake, hoe, or shovel. It looks good. So I'll see you in a month or two.

And in the end, all there is to say is, "This vacuum sucks."
Or doesn't.




this entry passed the spellcheck with no hiccups. I wouldn't read it.