Plug Cord into Computer, Wrap Other End Around Neck

The Illinois state senate passed a bill to keep Trump off the ballot in 2020 unless he releases his tax returns. Illinois' state motto: Stand Up and Be Stupid!

It's an awful shame people weren't this interested in government when the Bushes, Obama, Clinton, and the others were in office. This game of Divide and Conquer is the most successful since the concept there are two real parties for which to vote.

• I love when the cop comes upon a car with two naked people in it and asks what they're doing.

Dear lefty:

• Why is she such a bitch?
• She's not a bitch - she's hormonally enhanced

Guys - when you're doing a YouTube guitar pedal demo, put on some shoes. No one wants to see your socks adjusting a knob.

• Golf: a sport invented by black people to watch white people dress stupid

Your good friends as Faceyspaces, in the Disaster of the Week, asked 1.5 million people for their email passwords, then proceeded to suck up their contacts. It was, of course, unintentional.  Happy Faceyspaces Logging In, people!




Dear lefty:

• Why are the Canadians so pissed off at us all of the sudden?
• Who cares?

The Horse is Dead, Jim

Amazon employs thousands of people to listen to recordings of everything you said 'to make the service more accurate'. Gee, last time we heard, it doesn't record everything you say.

Q. When will people wake up to this intrusive nightmare?
A. Never.

• Ever cough so hard your underarms itch? Just asking.

Of Man and Dog


Penny's off visiting relatives with her mom. When Mom calls me, she puts me on speaker. When Penny hears me she runs up and licks the phone. It's good to know someone misses me.


Stuff I Learned Too Late
The lovely elderly neighbor, who Marshall taught to feed him on command, is not doing well with Penny, who largely barks at anything that moves. The neighbor would plant and weed, while Marshall would snooze near her. When she moved spots, so did he. They'd chat.

Now she comes outside, sadly looks for 'her Marshall,' and goes about her business. His loss looms large.


Don't read this:

A neighbor, truly a good guy, went through several cancers. No matter how bad his shape, he played with the dog, who brought him great joy. Sadly, he passed recently.

Now the dog roams the house, looking for him.

I Don't Want You Dead - Just Stop Breathing

Dove apologized for a body wash commercial where a black woman turned white after using the product. Hellfire and Fury ensued. Be fair - who could have seen that going wrong?

• Do satanists threaten their children that if they're bad, they'll go to heaven?

Harvey Weinstein has been caught with his pants down. Literally.

Another sexual harassment suit has hit, this time going public. The previous ones haven't, because Harvey is the price of being a star. You apparently had to have sex with Harvey. Everyone was afraid to say anything, lest they be thrown out of Hollywood. Incidentally, Harvey was just thrown out of The Weinstein Company, which he formed with his brother and two others. Incidentally, there has been a number of suits settled already, which means this was even less a secret.

There's absolutely no excuse for the behavior of this animal. Who knows how many were hurt.

Corey Feldman has stated that there are pedophiles in Hollywood, that have messed with young stars. He is terrified to name names, for obvious reasons. I wonder if Harvey is the name he wanted to say. The name Charlie Sheen may pop up also, in reference to Corey Haim.

While we're on the topic, designer Donna Karan defended Weinstein, saying that the way the actresses dressed, what were they asking for? Yes, she just blamed the victim.

• Our friends over at United Airlines are in the news again, but this time it's not their fault. A passenger tried to escape the plane by opening the emergency exit door, but failed. Then tried again. And again. The third time was the charm, in terms of a Federal Air Marshal restraining him and having him arrested upon landing. The moral of the story is that if you feel warm, talk to a flight attendant. They will open the emergency exit for you.

Angry that her husband played too much golf, a woman cut off his penis and flushed it down the toilet.  Judging from her actions, he'll continue to get as much sex as he did before she pruned his hedge.

• Look out for more information on the Las Vegas shooting. The lone wolf shooter narrative looks to be falling apart, as there are reports of other shooters, some on the ground. There is also video, as the casino is surveilled, plus a camera that looks downward from the roof.

This is Wales' most haunted public toilet. As determined by the Twenty Seven Point Wales Restroom Haunting Scale. And because there are lesser haunted public toilets in Wales.

• Why does privacy matter? In simple terms, if you haven't been paying attention to my constant ranting.

As mentioned earlier, Whole Foods has experienced a payment card breach. Oddly enough, it's at the in-store table service and taprooms, not at the checkouts, which use a different Point of Sale (POS) system. The breach was announced two weeks ago and hasn't been updated. Why upset your customers more?

• Over 5,000 Morrisons (British supermarket) staff have sued the company, after their personal and financial data was leaked by a disgruntled insider. Things get more interesting when Morrisons claimed it was not liable. Morrisons was, however, awarded 170,000 pounds for the leak, but the employees got nothing. This company's behavior is so abhorrent, American companies want to bring them in as consultants.

In this month's (year's?) best headline, "Florida man drops pants and sodomizes pink flamingo to death." Harvey Weinstein refuses to divulge his whereabouts on the day in question.

• North Korea hacked South Korea's military network, gaining access to 235 gigabytes of sensitive data. And by sensitive data, we mean pictures of big-breasted Korean women in skimpy bathing suits.

Top defense contractors, including Lockheed Martin, Raytheon, and Boeing, do not have HTTPS web encryption enabled by default. This is why we can't have nice things. It's also why the biggest-spending war machine in the world doesn't stand a chance against electronic espionage. PORN websites have HTTPS encryption enabled. Or so I hear.

• Millions of Pornhub users have been hit with a malvertizing attack. An ad on the page, disguised as a 'legitimate' ad, redirected users to a fake webpage, where Chrome and Firefox users were presented with an update screen, which installed the malware. Not that any of us go to Pornhub, the largest group of porn sites on the internet.

October 10 is World Suicide Prevention Day.

ThermionicEmissions interrupts its normal merriment to get serious:

• You feel like shit - we understand. The pain is crippling. 
• Reach out and talk to someone.. a friend, relative, counselor, online friends, suicide hotline 1-800-273-TALK (8255). 
• From someone who has been there.
• You may think you mean nothing to anybody. You're wrong. You will leave a trail of destruction in your wake that you can't imagine. Family, friends, coworkers, neighbors, even online buddies' lives will be affected and this will carry through to the end of their days. People close to me, after having seen what death does to families and friends, swear they'll never commit suicide, no matter how bad the pain gets.
• It is important to all these people, and me, that you reach out when you're feeling like hurting yourself (or others).
• You don't have to feel like this. This is not normal. There are professionals to talk to and medicines that help.
• Let's not lose one more.