Nasal Imperatives

A phone manufacturer named Nothing has ported Apple IMs to android.

Why, you ask?

Nobody knows, but it was shut down in 24 hours (ok, it was a security issue).

Let's be serious - who wants those stupid bleeps and bloops and ridiculous visuals? Android users are still pissed we have to put up with iDevice 'liked that message' notices. Guess what... I don't care if you liked my text or not. I do not derive my ability to get through another day because you liked my post. Or 12 friends liked it. I'd never do that. Except on my blog.

One of those endless Black Friday promos touted mouse pads.

Mouse pads?

Did Consumer Reports buy a bunch of them and test them? What was the testing criteria? Shape? Smoothness? Reaction from people you steered by them? Funky colors? Use as a tissue?

We've gone nuts.

• Some picky Australian mosquitoes may target frog nostrils for blood
• and here we thought they were merely a delicacy..

Deep space astronauts may be prone to erectile dysfunction, study finds

Well, there goes all the ThermionicEmissions reader astronaut job applications 

Study: The serotine bat uses its super-large penis as an arm when mating

So?  Don't we all? Drives the female bats crazy!  

 I got nothing for Thanksgiving. That's ok, I did want anything.

I also got nothing on Cyber Monday. What a stupid concept. Black Friday starts in October, and there are many of them.. they line up, like North Korean government officials, waiting to be shot. Next year, Black Friday will occur in February. Cyber Monday will start on Sundays. Now there's a Giving Tuesday. I like that one - I'm going to give myself a break from all this crap. The xmas trees have been out since July, but didn't fare too well this year due to climate change.

Now that I think about it, I did want something for Thanksgiving: turkey. I don't know what it is but I have trouble getting turkey on Thanksgiving. While some would consider it rude to demand a host serve a certain dish, mine has this fascination for lamb. To the best of my knowledge, the Pilgrims didn't fsck sheep, so I'm going with turkey. Mind you, the dog appreciated the hell out of the lamb, which came home in the appropriately-named doggie bag. Bless them, there was a turkey this year, but we were terrified of what might happen to it - perhaps a turkey stuffed with lamb (or tomatoes), so we had a few large boxes of Stove Top stuffing in the car, just in case. Another guest was from Colombia and brought a traditional dish that involved poorly-cooked yellow rice and stuff. I hear Colombia was pretty mad and sent something else.

When there is no turkey, Mrs. lefty says she'll make a small one at home, then promptly forgets. I decline to remind her because I like my testicles. Mostly, I really want a vat of vanilla buttercream icing, like Mom used to make.

My dish is always dessert. It's usually something chocolate and very heavy to carry (and eat). This year it was a pumpkin pie (with lamb) and a very heavy peanut butter/chocolate pie.

While I got vanilla and chocolate buttercream icing (and a spoon), Mom used to bring the best cake anyone ever had to events. It was a very heavy chocolate cake, with chocolate buttercream icing. Everybody went nuts over it. There was a little coffee in the icing, which only made it better. Mom played a really insidious joke on the family by telling us the cake recipe was on the chocolate tin. No member of the family could make the cake like she did. Mom literally took the recipe to the grave...I have to admit, she got us good.

It's been 3 months since she departed. Her ashes sat next to the table so she got to celebrate with the family. I suggested her ashes could summer at our house next year. 

We all miss her terribly. The grief sneaks out here and there, triggered by a situation or word. Whenever anybody says 'icing,' I'm inconsolable for hours.

My Ear Hair Hurts

Remember: cake is merely a delivery system for the icing. Cut out the middleman and just eat icing. You can buy it in a can or make it yourself. Grab a spoon and dig in.


Your love is like  an icepick to the kidney


I don't know about you, but if I lived in Indiana and anyone called me a hoosier, I'd run them over with a chainsaw.



Dear lefty

• Why do you have a mock advice column in your blog?
• Why are your questions always so stupid?

I just spent over 30 highly unsatisfying minutes with my best friend, Windows 10.
These were 30 minutes I wasn't in work, because the computer didn't want to connect to work. Then the 20 minute reboot, then the DNS-blindness, then the refusal to 'see' hardware that it saw perfectly 20 minutes ago, then another reboot. When it finally came up, Outlook once again came up full screen, even though I never use it full screen and have tried many suggestions on how to fix it. I'd replace the box with linux, but I'd have to get a signed note from God himself before my boss would consider it.

Windows: it's not an operating system, it's a virus.



Flying AIDS news

Headline: Everywhere
It's bad. It's going to get worse, unless you follow rules or get a shot or...
This will be the worst [insert period of time] ever.

There is a humongous list of things we may not do because of the Flying AIDS, yet children should go back to school. What's wrong with this picture?

Florida, never gone from the news long, reports that Chinese masks are showing up at many addresses, unsolicited. I guess the Chinese got bored of sending packets of seeds. Odd people, those Chinese. What does this say about Chinese Floridians?

The head of the Department of Natural Resources is telling employees to wear face masks on teleconferences — even when they’re not around others and at no risk of spreading the coronavirus.  Mrs lefty says, "Well, they're certainly drinking the Kool Aid."  In unrelated news, the Department of Natural Resources told its employees to wear condoms 24 hours per day, whether or not they're getting laid.

Hey, if you're in the mood to go back to the movies, you can get 15 cent tickets AMC. Hmmm.... 15 cent tickets... chance of Flying AIDS..... let's get a busload to go!

• speaking of teleconferences, please don't use Zoom. Zoom's privacy issues are all over the press, yet people keep using it. If someone asks you to use Zoom, explain to them that it's a real privacy and malware issue. There are alternatives.

Trumpie

• Trump unloads on ‘stone cold crazy’ Pelosi, ‘mad woman’ Kamala, ‘poor student’ AOC
• for all his faults, and there are many, he sure is entertaining sometimes

I joke that if Trump produced peace in the middle east, people would deny it and use it as grounds for impeachment. I'm a little shocked to read that Israel and the United Arab Emirates have reached a peace deal, which Trump helped broker. Good on all parties!  Oddly, the Palestinians are not pleased, referring to it as treason (which is why there will never be total peace in the middle east).

A man killed himself, allegedly because his wife wouldn't have sex with him.
"You can SUE for that?" you say.
This happened in India, where the decedent's mother is suing the wife for "abetment to suicide."
Although the US has the best and most litigious litigators in the tri-galaxy area, even they couldn't get much past failure to consumate.


Hollywood's Biggest Secret
Ok, Hollywood's Second Biggest Secret
It's Ed Begley, Jr.
You've seen him in black and white movies, current movies, older movies, and he Does. Not. Age.

• In Egypt, archaeologists have unearthed hieroglyphs depicting pharaohs with huge headgear, who look suspiciously like Ed Begley, Jr.
• In the Wild West, Ed Begley, Jr's saddles were #1 and his face was etched on the saddle. His motto was "Buy an Ed Begley, Jr saddle and sit on Ed's face!"
• In a recent inspection of a 1917 Ford Model T, there was a picture of Ed in the glove compartment.
• In the rubble of the Twin Towers, there were cases and cases of Ed Begley, Jr brand thermite: "Have a blow up on Ed!"
• Records indicate there was no Ed Begley, Sr.

Did you delete anything on Instagram?
It's supposed to take up 90 days. Turns out it might have kept things for more than a year.  I hate to say this again, but don't post anything online that you wouldn't post in the local library or give to your grandparents. Assume that when you post something, even privately, it's available for public view, or at least view by the employees of the service.



Department of Justice says Yale discriminates against whites and Asians


SJWs Worldwide

India, Jamaica, and Canada are also celebrating Kamala Harris' appointment, largely for the same reasons the democrats are: she's black, female, lived in Canada, and has Indian roots. In other words, India, Jamaica, and Canada are every bit as shallow and dim as America.


LA Times: Camping is often called America's favorite outdoor activity. But camping and national parks have a complicated past when it comes to racial equality and equal access for all. One modern barrier to entry: the cost of camping gear. Yes, camping is racist.