Graham Chapman is Still Funnier than Jerry Seinfeld

 Your love is like  noticing it's starting to rain. as you're at the picnic.

In the latest We Have No Idea What We're Talking About - Flying AIDS Division:

US officials publicly question AstraZeneca’s COVID-19 vaccine data

“may have provided an incomplete view of the efficacy data,”

America's Doctor (Mengele), Anthony Fauci, said

The announcement may contribute to some unnecessary hesitancy around the AstraZeneca vaccine

 the public said

OMG, are you f-ing kidding us. Again?

 the American Association of Bicycle Repairmen said

Eh, somebody's not telling us the truth. Hand me that wrench?

 the World Association of Drug Addicts said

and they're upset at the stuff WE put in our veins....

 Douglas Adams' note to self reveals he found writing to be torture. He was so good at it. The man was hysterical.

The man who wrote The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Universe had a lot of anxiety around writing.  You can get in on the crowdfunded hardback book, to be published in 2022. I will.

• To the shock of absolutely no one, President Biden has already jumped up to call for gun control, in the wake of the supermarket shooting.

Endowed by their creator... life, liberty, pursuit of happiness... etc..

The First Amendment acknowledges that Americans are already endowed with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

The Second Amendment does the same for guns.

They are pre-existing rights.

"Common sense gun control" is a phrase to catch people who don't think critically and don't know or care about their rights.

It is up to all of us to guard our rights. They're being taken away by bits... soon we'll have few, if any...

• Miami has overreacted with the emergency curfew (black leaders)
• agreed
• It's so bad, 2 on spring break were bitten by sharks
• the sharks are obviously racist

Today I identify as  Jimi Hendrix. It's done wonders for my playing, but not much for my respiration.

• Lemmy Kilmister was one of the baddest asses in rock. He had his ashes put into bullets, given to his closest friends.

There are hierarchies to everything in life.

For instance, the UFO people comb the tv networks and internet for news and documentaries.

While combing, they come across Bigfoot documentaries. This is beneath them. These people are nuts. Bigfoot! Imagine.

There's that Tsoukalos guy... ALIENS! Aliens built the pyramids. C'mon.

While I haven't checked with any particular groups for their reaction, I just came across a documentary on Latina trans beauty pageants. I have no thoughts or ranking of these folks - they deserve their own, like everyone else. But the guy with the large wig, 5:00 shadow, and lisp, is somewhat obvious when you hit that channel. There is an episode of COPS when they pull over a guy on his way to a female impersonator contest. Be honest - he looks like he did his homework. Except for the full beard. To keep the hilarity going, the cop asks about pageants.

So I'm going to take a step and rank trans beauty pageants a step below 'conventional' beauty pageants, which are already below Bigfoot level.  

Before anybody gets upset or offended, if I can poke fun at UFOnauts, Bigfoot hunters, and beauty pageants, trans pageants are fair game. 

So we've established that I've never sued anybody, and that I'm not offended. 

Not much of an American, am I?

I feel kinda....  small.

I seek your help. Please send suggestions, via Comments, about what I can be offended by. Not your niggling little offenses that I write about. A really GOOD offended. A take to the streets, write to the editor, blind rage, red-in-the-face, cancel culture offended.

Thank you.

• Just to make things more interesting on the Flying AIDS front, some of the hand sanitizers that people hoarded contain a carcinogen called benzene. We were told to wash our hands like Obsessive-Compulsive hand-washers.
• Apparently benzene is ok, then. You know, aside from than cancer thing...
• yet another reason to scrap most of the government - they're useless and only suck up tax dollars.

Speaking of which, the gunman, Ahmad Alissa, was known to the FBI.

The FBI: known for setting up acts of terror then arresting the hapless perpetrator...

So the NSA, which is not allowed to play on American soil, taps every conversation in the country, but the FBI knows of an Islamist, who has made ridiculous Faceyspaces posts... his own family said he was mentally ill.

Scrap most of the government. Peacefully. At the voting booth.

• The Flying AIDS has caused a rise of 7.4% in streaming music revenues
• hasn't done a thing to make music better 

Wow.... just above I mentioned the First Amendment and rights disappearing.

A doctor is up on hate crimes charges for using an ethnic slur. This, while not particularly nice, is still free speech. The SJWs are gutting #1A. The doctor's behavior was reprehensible, including keying the man's car. Again, sometimes free speech is ugly, but that's the price of free speech - sometimes you disagree with it. These laws need to be tested in courts.

• RIP George Segal (87) - complications during bypass surgery

Mike Ditka is shilling for life insurance.

The kind where you can't be turned down.

Best of all, there's a 60 day money back guarantee.

If you buy life insurance, how could you possibly use a 60 day guarantee?

I want my $10 back. 

Why?

Ummm..... just cuz.

Why?

Discrimination.

We do not discriminate. 

Yeah... but... you don't offer it for people over 100.

I'm going to rush you your refund. If you're local, I'll personally bring it by.

Why?

Because no business wants you as a customer. Entire customer service manuals are written about the likes of you. They all say to get rid of you, as quickly as possible.

I want my $10 back.

Why?

Substandard coverage.

You signed up for it.

Hidden clauses.

You had every clause on the papers you signed.

It was in 10 point Roman. 

That's the most readable font.

It's too small.

Operators are available 24/7 to read it to you or for any questions.

I didn't like it.

How can you not like life insurance? Did you have a chance to use it? 

Ummm... no. 

Then what's the problem?

Can I get it in a different color?

It's life insurance. It doesn't come in any color.

I want my $10 back

Why? 

It doesn't work right.

Doesn't work right? 

Doesn't work right.

In order to use it, you have to die. 

Oh.

Have you died within the last 60 days?

Er... no.

Then how could you say it doesn't work right?

I almost died.

Almost died?

I had an operation for a hangnail, which didn't go right, and almost died.

We don't cover almost died. 

But I had a Near Death Experience

Did it cost you anything to get there?

Well, no.

Then we don't cover it.

I wet myself.

Unless you actually died and your beneficiary makes a claim, you haven't used the insurance. 

I don't like it.

What about it don't you like?

Tuesday.

Do you have any serious complaints?

I found another company that charges $4.99 a month, instead of $5.

REFUND PROCESSED - you're worth whatever it costs to get rid of you 

• How much financial damage could you possibly do by shooting yourself?
• If you're an F-35, that would be $2.5 million in damages. Yes, the plane shot itself.
• the most expensive weapon ever made, at $135 million each. Expected to cost more than a trillion over its lifetime
• The Pentagon kept news away from Trump because they wanted to keep warring in Syria. And we've been in Afghanistan for how long? Are you starting to get the picture? It has nothing to do with 'defending our freedoms.'

Dear America:

We need $250k this week to buy some hacking tools to spy on you. 

That's on top of the regular budget, of course. Please. It's for the children.

Love,

the FBI

[the FBI's 2020 budget request was $9.31 billion, plus $144.9 million for 'program enhancements']

• After AstraZeneca's announcement that its new vaccine was 79% effective, the government smacked their little peepee and explained why this figure was incorrect. As a result, Astra downsized their result from 79% to 76%.
• And you said the Feds taking 30% of your income was too much.

Jay Leno is sorry for making at least 9 jokes about Asian-Americans in his career.

How does a comedian with that many years of work behind him make such a stupid statement?  OHHH.... Media Action Network for Asian Americans targeted him.

ThermionicEmissions' statement:

Comedy is comedy. We will make no apologies. Everybody is fair game. Comedy is no longer comedy when there are sacred cows of which we are not allowed to make fun. Comedy is about making fun of sacred cows.

We are in no way responsible for the actions of maladjusted, hate-filled miscreants and we condemn any and all violence. This is not the fault of the entertainers. The abusers need to take personable responsibility for their actions.

We will not be silent.

(he says, with upwards of 20 visitors and nobody saying anything to him about his content) 

George Carlin had that great bit - 7 words you can't say on tv

They are: shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, tits.

We are saddened by George's passing but need to update the list for 2021:

fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, nigger, and asian

Also remember: stereotypes do not appear from a vacuum.

We don't make jokes about Asian drivers because we don't like Asians.

We don't make jokes about Asian students being so smart because we don't like Asians.

We don't make jokes about Jews being in high positions because we don't like Jews.

We don't make black crime jokes because we don't like blacks.

etc.

 

So things all over are higgledy-piggledy because there's a ship stuck in the Suez Canal. Seriously. It's affecting shipping worldwide, because the canal cuts 11 days off going around the continent. 

Turns out the captain was Asian, trying to make a u-turn in the middle of the canal.

[how's THAT for topicality and timing?]

Just Pay a Separate Fee

The BBC has just put its site on TOR
I'm not sure why the BBC needed a TOR site; perhaps they don't want anybody to catch you reading it.

*TOR is where the 'dark web' is. It's much more difficult to hack into TOR, although the FBI has done it (for child porn and illegal substances). TOR helps avoid tracking by your ISP. You only need the TOR browser. No, you won't see any illegal sites unless you go looking for them.

Stay tuned for Google harvesting your medical information!



I would like to say hello and thank you to whoever in America sent 4537 of their friends here. It was probably a horrible glitch, but I'll take whatever I can get.



In an effort to be more inclusive and garner some positive press for once, Google has decided to allow their speaking devices to use different voices. I have suggestions:

• your nagging mother-in-law's voice
• your nagging spouse's voice
• the president - this will either inspire you or cause a heart attack
• British voice - it sounds like it's correct all the time, even when it's not
• Chinese voice - you can't understand it any better than tax returns
• Ebonics - it axe you way you wanna go, ho?
• Canadian voice - tells you where the nearest hockey game is, eh?
• Jewish voice - Oy vey, you vant to know where are the sales? Your mother, God bless her, should only know...
• Polish - park the car in the bathtub
• Wife - no, the other left

Dear lefty

• Who are some decent alternative presidential candidates?
• my cousin-in-law, who was autistic before it was popular

A new poll has found that a majority of Americans want to rewrite the First Amendment to "reflect the cultural norms of today" in order to stop "hate speech."

Another new poll, based upon the old new poll, has found that we are a nation of morons. Finish this sentence: If Ben Franklin heard this, he'd ................

• I'm shaking my head in disbelief and sadness: there are people against meritocracy (getting the job and advancing based upon your good work). They claim it produces inequality, stifles social mobility(?) and makes even the winners miserable.
• This is horrible parody and I wish it would stop.

Youth is wasted on the young.
When I think back, I regret that I didn't spend more time with people who are no longer around. People I can appreciate so much more, now that I'm an (alleged) adult. People whose wisdom is valuable.   Kids just don't know... I guess that's a good thing.




Today I identify as a dog bowl



We're trying to force life back to (ab)normal, after our loss. Today we took Mom to the mall. Life is always an adventure.. especially after I noticed there was no phone signal in the mall. While the ladies shopped, it became very important to text my friend to tell her there was a guinea pig in The Secret Lives of Pets 2. No signal. This seriously impacted my texting.

The movie itself wasn't as funny as the original, but isn't that always the case? The kids enjoyed it. It was the dog's first movie she actually watched.  It might have had something to do with all the dogs barking. She even stared when the cats meowed. She doesn't understand depth, so sometimes she runs around the back of the tv, looking for the dog or cat she just heard.

So we find ourselves shopping in a store with adult sleepwear in fantasy animal themes. You could put on this one-piece pajama and look like a unicorn. It wasn't enough that the kids wanted one - they insisted Mom get one too. Now the two of them can have a sleepover, dressed as unicorns. Like a small herd or something.

I have the only mother on earth who hasn't been to Starbucks in ten years or more. Even with a limited menu, it took 15 minutes to figure out what to get. Fortunately we had some help from one of the green-haired girls behind the counter. While waiting, we overheard a delightful conversation between Blue Hair and Pink Hair. Blue Hair's brother is apparently scoring with the girls big time, because they're giving him their scrunchies. At my last job, one of my coworkers would come into the office with someone's panties. You can decide for yourself which is the better trophy.

Then it got surreal.
I found myself, with wife and elderly mom, in Victoria's Secret. I know Victoria's Secret: how they get so many to pay so much for so little. The possibilities for being uncomfortable and hysterical were many. Mrs lefty is trying to draw out what kind of underwear Mom wants... they are different languages. Then the color selection started. My job was to hold everyone's drinks - a noble post.

At this time, a very cheerful Annoying Sales Person came by. She didn't take subtle hints like NO, WE'RE OK, WE'LL LET YOU KNOW IF WE NEED ANYTHING. She asked if we had any questions in the meantime. I pointed to the picture of their model Adriana Lima and asked if she was from Brazil. Judging by the look on her face, she had never heard that question before and she honestly didn't know. I had achieved my goal: she was walking away.

Color selection finished, it was time to wander around. Mrs lefty wanders like a pro, frequently using her power of Disappearance, flummoxing the rest of us. Mom needs to be monitored a bit, lest she leave her purse on a bra or wander out of the store. I was the caboose, charged with making sure Mom didn't get lost, while simultaneously trying to locate Mrs lefty. Normally I like being asked what I think of things in that store (by Mrs lefty, you bastards) but it just wasn't working. We thought everything was free, because we couldn't locate a checkout counter. It was cleverly hidden at the back of the store, where everything was dark and you couldn't see it from anywhere else in the store. The cashier was wearing a tape measure around her neck and I asked if she was required to wear it or did she use it. She described the things it could be used for, specifically measuring women for bras, which women sometimes never have done. I'm chuckling along because I'm well aware of this. I have to give the girl credit: she didn't even flinch when I told her I can correctly size breasts with a tape measure too. This is the kind of employee you want working at your business.

In the next store, Mom went into Panic Mode<tm> because she couldn't find her purse. I ran around to the places she was looking and we were relieved to find that Mrs lefty had her purse, for just this reason. Apparently I need to get out less.

Mom is having fun and it was well-deserved. We enjoyed it also, except when she'd answer a question we didn't ask, then laugh inappropriately.

On the way back, she asked if we would stop at the store to pick up some water, because she was almost out of it. Sure. Translated, this means 'you go in the store and get me some water.' I keep running into this attractive shopper... it occurred to me, by her smile, I should say a few words to her or something, but then I remembered Mrs lefty's strict No Dating Policy and walked away. The wife has absolutely no sense of humor. The sad irony is that I could never figure out when a woman was being receptive or hitting on me... the wife would point it out and I still didn't get it. Now that I can make most people laugh and occasionally pick up when a woman wants to talk, there's the No Dating Policy. I get no reward for learning and growth.

So I am in a foul mood because it's past my naptime and I'm greeted by another Cheerful Cashier. She told me it's service with a smile; she's smiling and now it's my turn. I looked at her and said, deadpan, "I am smiling." The people in line were laughing but the cashier was a little upset. We discussed the vagaries of customer service. My first job was 9 months of Retail Hell, at which I discovered that I never wanted to work in retail for as long as I lived. People weren't my strong suit. The cashier's former job was in public transportation, so being a cashier was a vacation.

When we got Mom home, I put the water away. It was a good thing we stopped for water -she only had six gallons left. So with ten gallons, she won't need any emergency trips for water for at least a day or two.


Meanwhile my phone is still not working. I am still not happy. I'm rebooting the phone as if it had Windows. Still nothing. Still not happy. After the past weeks, I don't have the reserves to fight with my phone, or for any negative news at all. At home I see it's still not working and am forced to do the first level repairs: screaming at it. This failed miserably. Second level is screaming in general, but not specifically at the phone. This also failed. Still napless, I was not in good form. Much technical testing later, I chance a look at my carrier's last text, which said my bill was due a week earlier. As a long term technical person, I immediately put one and one together, equaling three, and get further mad, realizing the bill wasn't paid. You're probably saying to yourself that I must be a real idiot to not pay my bill, but in actuality, it's Mrs lefty's fault. She says 'pay your bill' and I pay it. Since she never said 'pay your bill,' I never paid it, which is why it's her fault. I went to pay it by phone and the phone was still not working. Of course it wasn't. Even after I yelled at it further, and told it I was using the phone to pay my $*#@ing bill. Bloody hell, I'm Desperate and Phoneless. Getting on the computer, it won't let me log into their site.... bad password. I know the bleeding password by heart, plus I keep it in my password locker for this reason. Strangely, I paid the bill and the phone worked again. It was like a miracle.

• Agoraphobes have a much smaller carbon footprint: it's hard to use resources when you can't leave the house.

No thank you, I'd rather express my dog's anal glands





Heroes of the Stupid

A Florida man was arrested after being caught having sex with a stuffed "Olaf" toy inside Walmart.    Well.... was Olaf any better than Elsa? 

An Arkansas hunter died after the deer he shot attacked him.
That deer got 4 hunters last week.


SJW Sentences   (didja ever notice there are always many true SJW stories here?)

Clapping has been banned at Oxford University to stop people being triggered.

A California veterans hospital, visited by women dressed as WWII glamour girls, now wants to approve the outfits before allowing them to visit patients.   No good deed ever goes unpunished

Using proper grammar is a sign of 'white supremacy' says ASU professor.
As someone who spent time in Arizona, I can certify this fellow spent way too much time out in the 115 degree sun, in addition to being a professor.

Why there are no exorcisms in Russia

Iqbal Goes to the Circus

Enriched uranium and neptunium 237 were detected at an Ohio middle school, which will be closed for a year.

The child made a nuclear reactor. If you don't want the kids doing great work, don't encourage them.

• A diabetes drug may cause an infection that destroys the genitals.
• "I'd give my penis for well-regulated sugar."

In Florida, they're seeing 88 degrees today. Here it's cold and rainy.
Yesterday it was 94 in Miami. Here it was cold and rainy.
Why the unrelenting gloom and rain on the east coast?




Dear lefty:

• If you hate the weather so much, why don't you move?
• Because Arizona pays me to stay away so their climate doesn't go to hell.

A Texas man blames the West Nile Virus for infecting him, causing him to distribute child porn.

Next up: the West Nile Virus assassinates a public figure and raises taxes.

• Keep an eye on the 'Iran Crisis'. Trump has already suggested a huge armed force to deal with it. The warmongers are winning. 

The US Navy warned that 5g phone service is likely to interfere with weather forecasts. The FCC did the only thing it could do: started auctioning off the 5g frequency spectrum.

UK Snowflakes

England's Jerry Springer, Jeremy Kyle, just had his show shut down. Why? A week after taping, a guest killed himself. The episode was not aired.  It featured a man accused of cheating on his fiance, who took a lie detector test and failed. She left him, he killed himself.

While we here at ThermionicEmissions are sad for this fellow and family, we can't understand why the show needed to be canceled.  Granted, 'free speech' cannot be applied equally to the US and UK, but this is a matter of personal responsibility. Personal responsibility has gone out the window in general, but in the UK, they're more worried about offending someone and 'protecting' people from bad words and antisocial behavior.

We have Jerry Springer. 

I hate Jerry Springer and all the show stands for, but would never insist it be forcibly removed. If he wanted a permanent vacation, though, I'd gladly support him.

Kyle will 'work on other projects' with the network (ITV).

I suggest thinking hard about this to figure out where you fall.

Don't take my word for it.... I'm the guy who would love a tv show featuring people tazing Judge Judy.

• While we're on England, it's illegal to sell certain kitchen knives to people under 18, as well as illegal to carry them. I just saw this on the news.

Hate

Online social sites are under fire for 'hate speech'.

What is hate speech? In the US, there is no hate speech - it's all speech.

Certain snowflaky elements define it as people saying bad things about other people, from anti-LGBTQ to neo nazis. I don't agree with any of these groups (including the snowflakes) but, as an American, I support their right to say it. The precious snowflakes want to limit speech, even in the US. These are the dangerous people.

As a libertarian and American, I know the government cannot make laws moderating speech of private entities: they don't belong there. 

There is a meeting coming up of social media companies in France, asking what can be done about 'hate speech'. It's not their job, but they either want to appear they're doing something, or actually do something. The only problem here is that it's already being applied in a one-sided manner, generally banning the right side, less so the left side. There are constant accusations on both sides. 

Howard Stern had the KKK Guy on his show, as a recurring caller. People were horrified. I think Howard did a great thing, allowing his listeners to hear what this person said and that the KKK is still alive. Plus they got to hear a completely stereotypical southern idiot racist. Keep your enemies in the light, where they can be easily monitored.

Remember: if you silence one group, you are giving approval to silence any group - including yours eventually. You also wind up with a very one-sided echo chamber. Already Faceyspaces, Twitter, Reddit, and Instagram have joined with payment processors like Paypal, in de-platforming right-leaning people and organizations. Of course they have that right, being private entities, but one can't help but notice this is all swinging one way. Eventually the remaining side will start to eat itself, having dug its own grave.

Just because someone says something doesn't mean you have to like it or listen to it.

All's Fair in Love and Nuclear Weapons

No one saw this coming: there's a flaw in the Google smart speaker that will allow it to be hacked. Also SQLite and Chromium-based browsers. 

While we're mentioning a few of my favorites, a Faceyspaces photo API bug exposed photos of 6.8 million users. Developers could have gotten access to the pictures you didn't post (yet), including the ones with the donkey. I lost count of how many FB f-ups there were in the last week.  By all means, keep posting. Enjoy!

Reminder to make backups of all your important information. It's great policy, plus if you get nailed with malware or ransomware, you can restore from your backups. Unlike most of the companies who got hit with it thus far.



This year's Worst Password list is out. 

1. 123456  (2nd year in a row!)
2. password
3. 123456789
4. 12345678
5. 12345
6. 111111
7. 1234567
8. sunshine  (wtf?)
9. qwerty
10. iloveyou
11. princess
12. admin
13. welcome
14. 666666
15. abc123
16. football
17. 123123
18. monkey
19. 654321
20. !@#$%^&*
21. charlie
22. aa123456
23. Donald
24. password1
25. I'm not typing all 50

When you're done picking out one of them, make sure you write it down on a yellow sticky and put it on your monitor, or under your keyboard. This is what we call sarcasm, based upon being in desktop services way too long. Not anymore!

misFortune 500

The largest companies in the world have an average of 500 servers and devices accessible from the Internet - and many leave thousands of systems open to attack. 

It's only a matter of time until the Fortune 500 and government have to buy their own docs on the dark web.

• A Playboy model has been thrown in jail after posing naked at the Vatican. I think this is Fake News. No one would notice a grown woman at the Vatican.

California Uber Faultus

You'd never believe this, but scientists at the University of California, Berkeley, are developing a tool to identify "hate speech" on social media.

In other news, social media scientists are developing a tool to identify "hate speech" detectors.

Speaking of Berkeley, a delivery robot burst into flames at UC Berkeley. It was after hearing about the tool to identify "hate speech".  As if I could make up anything better, students held a candlelight vigil for it. Apparently there was nothing to be outraged about for those few minutes.

Don't go to Berkeley: it's way too silly.

• Man was not meant to write with a mouse. If you don't believe me, open any paint/graphics program and try to produce text with your mouse. No cheating, by which I mean no drinking.

Cruel and Unusual:

A poacher's sentence includes repeated viewings of Bambi.

The Catholic Archdiocese of Detroit said it regrets that a priest at a teen's funeral questioned whether he would get to heaven after killing himself. 

Where do they get these people? At least they admitted it.

By the time Ash Wednesday rolls around, Catholics will have a permanent red spot from hitting themselves in the head when this stuff happens. Much like America, you guys need better people up top.

Dear lefty

• Undercover Officer Fudge Reinhold asks if I'm circumcised.
• How were Phoebe Cates' boobs up close?

THAT explains a lot:

Frequent sex associated with greater enjoyment of life for men.

Oh yeah... but not women.

For women, frequent kissing, petting, fondling, and feeling emotionally close to their partner was associated with higher enjoyment of life.

If you think about it, what women enjoy can lead to what men enjoy: Win-Win!

• I'm no linguist, but the phrase you don't want to hear when you're driving your Tunnel Boring Machine underneath the streets of Dusseldorf, is "Das is not goot."

It's almost a race to see what's going to do us in.
The Department of Defense Inspector General found multiple flaws in missile defense system cybersecurity. There weren't enough 8" floppies to keep them in operation.

I suggest they ask the aliens (the ones in the ships, not the ones trying to enter the country illegally). Ok, maybe not the aliens... whatever flew the ships on 2 different occasions over missile bases and caused all sorts of havoc. Maybe they have something for us on the defensive side.




If I understand this correctly, the Russians messed with social media to elect Trump, specifically targeting African Americans. African Americans are rightfully pissed, and have organized a Log Out of Facebook day. I have requested a meeting with the head of African Americans, Hillary Clinton, to discuss logging out of Facebook permanently.  This would be the second group, after liberal educated whites, who think black people are stupid. I think anybody who votes based upon social media is stupid.

• Bohemian Rhapsody is the number one movie and song in the country.
• Queen continues to tour, with Adam Lambert singing. Somewhere in heaven, Freddie's looking down, seeing Adam, and saying, "Nah - too gay."

A Twitter bug let unauthorized apps get access to DMs (Direct Messages).

These are the private messages exchanged between two or more people. Twitter, like Faceyspaces, is stupid on top of cesspool.

Dear lefty

• Joe Officeworker, of Anybusiness, USA, asks what's wrong with 123456 as a password
• Dear Dummy: Go back to your desk and click on some random links.

PC Police Off the Rails. And Cancer.

As we know, England has gone a bit silly with their anti 'hate' laws, making it illegal to say bad things to someone else. One enterprising policeman put two stores on notice that their Feminine Care signs are sexist and must be changed, perhaps to something like 'personal hygiene' or 'personal care'. You know - because men can use tampons. Not to be stopped in his relentless mission of stamping out sexism, he insisted other stores change their restroom signs featuring a woman with a baby, because the men's signs didn't have a baby.

The twitter backlash started immediately, with the officer being slammed for wasting tax money.  Although the story is old, it resurfaced. Usually questionable laws come from Australia, but this one from England is Orwellian. Police are being paid to police speech. It's astounding. One wonders if all other crime has been eradicated so the police can bring the full force to bear on the scourge of people saying bad things.

The policeman in question deleted his Twitter account.

• Condolences to the family and friends of the young lady who lost her life in Charlottesville, when someone drove into a crowd, also injuring many others. The online commentary has very quickly gone nasty and divided itself neatly into predictable camps. Thoughts:
• We (the US) have a First Amendment that allows free speech, no matter how repugnant. The KKK has every right to assemble, regardless of how we feel about them.. to curtail their right is to curtail everyone else's.
• The counter protesters have every right to protest also. It should be noted that when there are counter protests lately, violence tends to follow.
• Free speech does not cover punching or other violent acts, no matter how much any group feels it's ok. Hate speech is a misnomer, used only to shut down opposing views. Speech is speech in the US.
• It is very interesting to note commentary from other countries which do not have our freedoms. They don't understand free speech and think the KKK should not be allowed to march. Period.
• The KKK is a small bunch of agitators, who count on news and counter protests. If people stopped showing up, they would more than likely stop marching.
• At very least, the counter protesters showed up armed for violence.
• The police were given orders to stand down, allowing the violence to occur and escalate. Find out who gave this order and you have a path to find answers.
• It is not difficult to predict that this is only the beginning.
• Ironically, the group calling the KKK nazis wants to shut down speech they don't like.
• Someone spraypainted Fuck Laws, in red paint, on a column at the Lincoln Memorial.
• The above thoughts notwithstanding, arguing over this is a perfect example of Divide and Conquer. If we fight among ourselves, we won't be paying attention to other things.
• Where is this coming from? For one, George Soros, who pours untold millions into creating social unrest.

There is actually a 'sport' called Footgolf. It's advertised as being more exciting than golf. To be absolutely factual, watching grass grow is more exciting than golf, plus you don't have to whisper.

• Speaking of Charlottesville, Anonymous hacked a website called The Daily Stormer, a neo-Nazi site, which had published an offensive story about Heather Heyer, the lady who was killed by the person who drove his car into the crowd. After the hack, Godaddy, the provider of the page, gave the Nazis twenty four hours to move to a new provider.
• Anonymous says they have the location of the page's owner, Andrew Anglin, and promised to send allies to visit him in Lagos.
• We all love to see the neo-Nazis and Bad Guys get it, right? Does this mean Anonymous is good?
• I don't know about you, but I'd prefer to see the Bad Guys operate in the daylight, so it is easier to see what they are up to.
• GoDaddy states the page violated its terms of service. They were responding to complaints. The complainer, a blogger with an agenda, was outed, resulting in her phone number and address going online and being bombarded by trolls.
• The Daily Stormer registered with Google, which terminated the registration due to violation of terms of service. Someone's not reading terms of service.  I don't remember terms of service, but I do remember Google was pretty solidly behind freedom of speech. You're reading this on a Google site. Perhaps they have a term of service prohibiting neo-Nazis - I don't know.

There is a report of an Internet of Things thermostat playing music. How? It has an Amazon Echo built into it. The situation was remedied by the owner.

In related news, 500 folks who felt it was necessary to get 'smart' door locks found themselves in Deep Doo-Doo when the company shipped a software update that rendered the lock electronically inoperable. Owners had to use their keys, if they had them. The responsible party has offered two fixes, which take between five and eighteen days. Are you ready for the Internet of Things? This is a slow motion train wreck of impossibly large proportions.

• The government has demanded data on visitors to an Anti-Trump site, probably due to an investigation. Regardless of where you sit on the political spectrum, this sort of thing is bad. 
• On the other hand, perhaps the site should have been located on a server that did not keep this information.
• Some of the Antifa people are radicalizing. There were weapons and shields in Charlottesville. Does this justify an investigation?  Does this behavior violate anyone's terms of service?

So the aliens were giving a tour of Earth...

"This is Roswell, where we played a little trick on the Army Air Force in 1947."

"They call this the Bible Belt. Just ignore it."

"Dogs? They're ours.  Cats? The reptilians rounded them up and dropped them here."

• Ok, I'm dying here... in Atlanta, angry people (antifa) protesting violence defaced a peace monument. Then they all ganged up on a single policeman, shouting PIG! 
• Wait, it gets better... Black Lives Matter put themselves between the policeman and the antifa protesters.
• I'll admit it - I refer to BLM as a terror group. Kudos to them for this selfless act.
• Tomorrow morning, be sure to look for grass, which is now in the up direction, while the sky will be below.

Thus ends the game of Naked Monopoly.

• Given the opportunity, Americans would deep fry furniture

Marshall Update: The biopsy came back positive for malignant melanoma. Sort of. They're 'pretty sure'. There is, of course, another test, but we were told to assume positive. The good news is that they cut out all of it. The bad news is that it still has to be treated, just in case.

So Marshall will now get to see the Doggie Oncologist.

We love him unconditionally, but he's going to need his own GoFundMe page if this continues.

• It's time for my Yearly Tire Rant. Attempting to keep the car legal and maintained, it went to the mechanic. Bulb replaced, oil changed, and by the way, it will need four new tires. The car is obviously conspiring with the dog.
• For reasons I absolutely cannot fathom, my Hyundai requires performance tires. Performance tires. It's not like, at any moment, the engine will leap out of the car because the tires aren't performing. We don't race, we don't bumper car (anymore), and we are never in a situation where the car has to perform anything but starting and running.
• This is the first car I've ever had that has huge wheels and tiny tires. There are no other tires for this car. I'm thinking the car would ride much better with real tires on it but what do I know, aside from the fact that every car I've ever owned had them.
• To make things even more amusing, the tires are in the neighborhood of $250 each. I realize my cars were older, but that's almost what I paid for all four of them.

Your Fridge is Holding Your Food Hostage

I rant constantly against the Internet of Things, as all three of my readers will attest. When a leader in the field of security rants, it's time to pay attention. I'm with him right up to 'a government that prides itself on minimal intervention' of course. Give it a read.

• The slippery slope has gotten slipperier. The European Union's European Council, which sets political direction an priorities, has approved a set of proposals that would require Facebook, YouTube and Twitter to block videos that promote terrorism, incite hatred, or contain toxic, violent content. The UK already has hate speech laws, under which it's not ok to complain about Muslims or ISIS blowing up things and killing people. You can be prosecuted for this.
• Think about this for a second. These are laws on what you can't say. Upside Down World has taken its next illogical step. Thoughtcrime will run rampant. People can't be allowed to go around thinking and saying what they want.
• America has issues but Freedom of Speech is still mostly alive.

Another Great American entered the legal system this week, as some lady is suing Jelly Belly, the company that makes the best flavored jelly beans, because she didn't know there was sugar in there.  This is the lowest form of American, abusing the legal system like a pro. Did all that sweetness come from cardboard, perhaps? When does personal responsibility enter the equation (never)? Spend more time on gray matter and less on stuffing your face.

Jelly Bellys are a magical little piece of well-flavored sugar. I had the opportunity to tour the factory, which was a great time. At one point, the guide told us that they used 45 tons of sugar daily. I brightened up and let the group know that was more than I use. They were amused.

• I just saw a commercial for a game show called Beat Shazam, with Jamie Fox. Proving there's absolutely nothing new in Hollywood, this is directly stolen from a show called Name That Tune. Next season there will obviously be a Beat Shazam II.

Ben & Jerry's in Australia are protesting the inability of gays to get married. They are going about this by not allowing two scoops of the same ice cream on the same item. The effects of this action are being felt across the nation, with rioting breaking out in Brisbane. The government has stated that they will not be dictated to, especially by American concerns, but have told reporters, off the record, that they are preparing for widespread looting and possible large scale deaths. They are very quietly drafting same-sex marriage legislation. The rest of the public is very confused, as they never order two scoops of the same flavor.

• That didn't take long...the UK government is getting ready to pass legislation modifying business' encryption of data, so it can be handed to them upon request. In other words, deliberate backdoors. Hmmm... a nail bomb was detonated by a suicide bomber and now there is convenient legislation to allow the government access to encrypted data. What incredible timing! Also coincidental is the fact that UK businesses were ramping up their encryption to make data safer against hackers. This will thwart their safety measures and now the hacker is the UK government. I wonder if the citizens can take a break from protesting Trump or whatever today's cause is to notice this.

In the Just Desserts Department, three Nigerian scammers have received 235 years of total jail sentences in the US.  Three down, three thousand to go.

• We haven't had a great headline in a while, so I give you "Husband files for divorce after wife's girlfriends sent him videos of them having lesbian group sex"

Hunter College will be offering An Abolition of Whiteness course this fall to discuss the role of "White supremacy and violence."  After graduation, students are invited to return for "Decorating your parents' basement because you can't get a job due to putting An Abolition of Whiteness on your resume."

Just in case you haven't had your daily fix of College Lunacy, in good old Washington state, black Evergreen State College students have siezed the campus. The only outspoken opponent, a professor, has been advised to hold his classes offsite, as it's not safe for him to come on campus. The miscreants have, of course, filmed their activities and posted them on social media (because nothing exists or happens until it's posted on Faceyspaces) and are now upset that everyone can see them, so they're demanding the videos be removed. The students are stopping cars, looking for the professor or information about his whereabouts.

In any other universe, SWAT would be out with all their lovely military gear, only they can't because the administrators will not let them on campus, promising a "major review" to find out why the students are so upset. They don't want to discipline the children - they want to find out why they're upset. The students, of course, have demands, including annual sensitivity training for staff and police, emphasizing the eradication of anti-black racism (anti-white racism was not mentioned). This link will give you more details (try to look past its very right-leaning bent).

Can you see the resumes?
* Led student riot and takeover of the college.
* Set up roadblock to find white racist professor.
* Demanded institution of African American agenda
* Fuck whitey

If your child and your money went to Hunter College, you might be an upset parent, no? Did you have high hopes for your child's education in actual subjects, as opposed to a degree in siezing the college? If/when graduated, they should probably avoid trying to take over McDonalds, IF their degree qualifies them for the position.

• British Airways had 'a spot of a problem' over the weekend. BA had to ground all flights out of London's two main airports, affecting call centers and online booking sites. More than 1,000 fights were canceled and 75,000 passengers stranded. At fault was another "global IT system failure," reportedly the sixth such incident in the last year. 
• A power surge was blamed, allegedly so strong it affected the backup system's ability to start. BA is still working to figure out the precise causes. There are two large data centers near its headquarters.
• The union representing the IT workers blames the incident on outsourcing to India, which didn't understand how to restart the system.
• As someone who has done similar work, I'm calling shenanigans. My non-profit job had incredible redundancy and backup capabilities. Why didn't British Air? More accurately, why didn't they work? Weren't these systems routinely tested, as necessary?
• With the CEO blaming a power surge, IT blaming outsourcing, and both agreeing that the backup system failed to start, we have a notable situation.

If your day seems to be going downhill, imagine being a New York City policeman, chasing a runaway horse on 11th and 52nd. There were ten cars in the chase. The horse, meanwhile, took a left on 51st and hid out in a Chinese massage parlor, where everything had a happy ending.