Beating a Dead Politician

Whenever people see a ufo (unidentified - no idea what it is), out comes the Official Denial Squad; usually Seth Shostak (SETI), James Oberg from NASA, and if it's really big, Michael Shermer, head of Skeptic magazine. Although we have no idea what it was (hence unidentified), they already know what it was and that there was a stupidly normal explanation.

One of my favorite Official Denial Squad excuses as to why other species could not be visiting is that their planet would be so far away, they'd never get here. Call me stupid (you wouldn't be the first) but I'd think any civilization that's been around longer than us has some sort of more advanced drive and/or make use of wormholes (which we know about and have not denied).

I am not putting forth an opinion, rather discussing the need for serious investigation. Auto-Denial is not science or investigation.  The old Project Blue Book standby, swamp gas, no longer works to dismiss a sighting.

Let me remind you about the Phoenix Lights, seen by thousands, if not more. The weak denial claimed it was a flare drop (after the claim there were no military aircraft in the vicinity that day). This was a humongous object that hovered and flew slowly, over the 5th largest city in the US. It happened a few years earlier too. If it's ours, there would be simple denial. If it's not... what kind of panic ensued? These things are tracked by NORAD before they get to the US. Rest assured someone knew they were there, whatever they are.

Stephenville, Texas observed a huge craft and had many people reporting it.  Radar returns were obtained. The item of most import to me was that it flew over the Bush ranch before Stephenville. To say this was a no-fly zone is somewhat obvious. Yet was anything said? No. Were there F-15s scrambled? Not that we know. Do our craft hover? Not that we know of. They're also not a mile long, as was reported in Arizona. We are not going to know about very new military tech, so there's that.  Again, not a conclusion, just an appeal for sense.

By merely typing the above, I called into the universe the following action:

Nasa admits ‘tiny super-intelligent’ aliens may have ALREADY visited Earth – and says some UFO sightings ‘cannot be explained or denied’

Something's up.
Nah, the assertions in the article don't seem groundbreaking. He states that not all ufo sightings can be explained. Even the debunkers admit that a certain small percentage can't be explained. Still, worth a read.

I also called into the universe a science-y program called NASA's Unexplained Files last night. Remember the instances of red rain (not the Peter Gabriel song)? The most recent account is from India. Scientists studied the rain and couldn't determine what it was. Finally an Indian scientist (named Godfrey, I think) discovered it was made up of cells that were alive. Electron microscopy showed the cells to be without DNA, which is part of every living thing on earth. Theories were put forth and disproved until someone remembered there was a small asteroid strike shortly before the rain. Scientist got hold of a piece of asteroid and some red rain from the same field and discovered that the cells most likely hitched a ride inside the asteroid (and were obviously extremely hearty). We may have alien life. The cells reproduced rapidly and were not healthy for humans to touch. Interesting to ponder, no?





President Kennedy spoke at Rice University on September 12, 1962, uttering the famous words, in his famous regional accent, "We choose to go to the moon in this decADE and do the other things..."

History speaks reverently about this speech, yet nobody questions what 'the other things' are. It just sits there, a verbal sore thumb, that everyone prefers to forget they heard. I don't blame them - it was bloody JFK. The man has risen to Saint Status. But this is ThermionicEmissions, so we have no choice....

• "We choose to go to the moon in this decade and do a threesome with my brother..."
• "We choose to mount a trip to the moon in this decade and mount Marilyn Monroe..."
• "We choose to go to the moon in this decade, because you never know when your time's up..."
• "We choose to go to the moon in this decade, even if LBJ somehow becomes president [general laughter]..."

Speaking of which, I might not know what I want to be when I grow up, but I know I want to be known by my initials when I die, like JFK, RFK, and LBJ. Also when I'm alive, to be known with a hip middle name, like Stevie Ray Vaughan, and Jimmie Lee Vaughan. Unfortunately I have to change my name, cuz lefty Marshall von Hendrix has no ring of authenticity to it.

• Walmart is getting set to deploy robot floor-moppers. Perhaps because they can't hire employees bright enough to perform this task at $5.50 per hour. Whether it will dress inappropriately or not hasn't been discussed.
• The unforeseen consequence will be insurance rates rising because of old people running their carts into it.

We all knew it was going to happen but we're still surprised it did: The US Military is genetically engineering new life forms to detect submarines. To quote someone or other, "this is some sick shit". The life forms are a cooperative project between Captain Mengele, the military, and Microsoft, so no matter what happens, the NSA and China will have access to it. It will also be the first life form that must be rebooted every week. As technically libertarian as I am, they crossed a boundary.

• I'm a Beth Hart fan. Even critics are Beth Hart fans. You should be a Beth Hart fan too. I don't want to be the one to bring this up, but the lady has a bit of a vibrato problem, like Chrissie Hynde. Don't let that discourage you - give her a listen. Quality..umm... soulful rock (?)

UNIVERSITY YUCKS

San Diego State University is hosting a 'critical look at whiteness' forum.

Some student assertions:

 The Christian cartoon “VeggieTales” is racist because the villains are vegetables of color. The NFL is racist since most players are black and most coaches and owners are white. White women advance white supremacy when they support President Donald Trump.

Immediately following, there will be a 'critical look at blackness' forum.
Some student assertions:  none.. this is the university. They can't find anyone to say anything. Furthermore, the students will firebomb this gathering.

The Christian cartoon "VeggieTales" is racist because not every character is black. The NFL is racist because most of the money goes to the crackers. Black women advance black supremacy when they support Barack Obama.

Please stop.
This was really entertaining when you started. You're now parodies of yourselves.

Again, history will look back on us quizically, with tears in its eyes.

• If only Klinger knew: 27% of the young are too overweight for the military

The fellow(?) who had a Craigslist ad for no strings sex with a housewife, turned out to be a cross-dresser, recorded the 80(!) trysts, and sold them to adult websites. He was just sentenced to a year above the maximum for the crime.  He is very sorry (he got caught) and has had a lot of time to consider his actions (in jail). He is deeply penitent and will return the money to all the men who thought he was a chick (just kidding, he still has the money).

There's just so much going on here... let's start by saying I've never been with a cross-dresser. No, really. She was just a friend. We never played Hide the Salami - I swear. Given that, wouldn't you figure there might be a difference or two between a woman and a man dressing as a woman? Well, first there's the penis. You never find these on women. Well, butt sex is nice and men are stupid, but.... Then there's the facial hair. Sure, some women have facial hair. But it doesn't look like 5:00 shadow facial hair. You don't get rug burn from a blowjob.

Men love breasts. Everybody loves breasts. This guy would be down by two (at very least). Were there copies of Modern Sperm all over the house? Modern Bride? Sports Illustrated (non model issue)? Was there a huge, red Craftsman tool chest in the kitchen? Tampons? A bathroom stuffed so full of cosmetics that he needed another bathroom? Look around, people!

UPDATE: further investigation (I read the words I didn't read the first time) shows that the sex was oral and the 'johns' wore glasses or other eye covering.
(Still... 5:00 shadow)





VACATION

I'm a bit slow. We know this.
I decided to not pay attention to the Kavanaugh/Supreme Court Circus.
To my surprise, the Circus still went on, as did Life in General.
Hey - this is a real Find! Wonder what will happen if I apply this elsewhere...
Particularly soul-sucking is the nonstop barrage of politics on social media. You'd think it would stop after the elections. You were oh so wrong.
So I took a Social Media Vacation, followed by a Social Media Political Vacation. No one is going to change their political views when you argue with them, nor will they change their religious views. Let's just talk about sex and hobbies, ok?

The world continued, without me watching it or participating. I lost nothing. In fact, I felt better. Might work for you too...

Snakes Damn Near On A Plane

Lest you think I have only doubts about the TSA's ability to find its hand in front of its face... a woman traveling from Miami to Barbados was stopped because of 'biomass' inside an electronic device. Investigating further, the woman had put a ball python inside a hard drive (must've been a really large hard drive). So let me make amends to the TSA: The TSA cannot find its hand in front of its face, but they are perfectly capable of finding a snake in a hard drive. They also nailed my mother with too much water to take on the plane. She could overhydrate.

• Yeah, we're not all that fond of Google, but occasionally they hit the nail on the head: their phones are updated. They're now working on eliminating junk phone calls, unsolicited or robocalls. Some of the industry solutions not only keep you from being bothered, they actively bother the caller. They keep the phone spammer (human or machine) on the phone so long, it can cut into their profits. This is a uniquely annoying and hilarious bit of revenge.
• Remember, unless you have a previous business relationship, a company may not call you. Robocalling is illegal. Put yourself on the Do Not Call list.

A hacker from a South American country put some files up for sale on the Dark Web. Investigation was done and the files turned out to be important information on IEDs, a Reaper drone, and an Abrams tank. He couldn't sell anything because he didn't know what he had, where to sell it, and how to price it.

The takeaway here is that if you work on a military base and your computer is hooked to the net, change the default user login/password from ADMIN/PASSWORD to something else. Anything else. You blithering idiot. The captain had just completed a cybersecurity class.

The people at the very top don't. The people in the middle can't, even with classes. The Great Unwashed has no clue whatsoever and just doesn't care. This is why we have a cybersecurity problem. This and really crappy devices from manufacturers that don't care.

• My sweet elderly neighbor likes to sit in her yard and soak in the atmosphere. One of her talents is the ability to do this while completely ignoring our atmosphere. I can tell when she's out because there's a bright red Hawaiian chair she sits in. Today I noticed she changed the Hawaiian cover to a blue one. This woman changes her outdoor chair cover. I can barely change my clothes.
• She is the one who fed Marshall all these years. She'd lob hot dogs at him. When he couldn't see her, he'd WOOF and she'd come out. We had to explain to him that it didn't work at 2am.

Marshall's ashes are ready. He'll be coming home soon. 
He will sit in the living room, where he can keep an eye on us.
It still hurts in ways I can't describe. 

Because I made the mistake of registering for a seminar, I've been receiving no end of spam. Since it's major company spam, I look for the opt-out link, even though I never opted in. Good, I think to myself... the end of these emails. And then they send me an email to confirm I won't get more email.  Is it just me?

• Another in the increasing spate of unbelievably annoying commercials: "I drink Diet Coke. It's super good."  Super good? Whatever the ad agency was on, please keep it away from the rest of humanity.

Among the many people I don't like is Jeff Goldblum. It was almost instant. Everything worked out really well because he's a movie star, so unless I went to a movie, I was unlikely to be annoyed by him.  In a bid to outwit and frustrate me more, he's doing tv commercials. Some stars do it for the money... not Jeff. No, Jeff's doing it to annoy me. He doesn't need the money. Smug bastard.

• I'm getting a lot of traffic from Russia. I hope they're not using ThermionicEmissions to influence the next election.
• Sorry about that.
• Welcome, people from Russia. You probably got here by mistake.

We're at the 61st anniversary of the crash at Roswell. The city is jammed with celebration and people from out of state. Sadly, it was announced that this is Stanton Friedman's last hurrah; he is retiring. I don't begrudge him retirement... he's been working on the ufo mystery ever since he was young. He's the grandfather of ufo research; a nuclear physicist who applies scientific principles to the study. Stanton has done unbelievable amounts of research on Roswell. Next time someone tells you it was any of the three things the government took turns blaming, remember there are about 400 witnesses and interviews.

Stanton is about 84 and recently had some heart difficulty. He'll remain a very popular figure in the ufo research field. Godspeed, Mr. Friedman.




According to the History Channel, Thanksgiving didn't go entirely as we learned. The Indians were not invited; they showed up in twice the number as the Pilgrims. There was no turkey; the Indians brought a gift of venison. The Pilgrims would have been in church that day.

History, as they say, is written by the victors and can't be trusted. History is also not set by the History Channel. It has nothing to do with aliens, Giorgio.

I can't reveal my sources but this is how it went down: the Pilgrims invited the Indians. The Indians brought cold cuts and beer. It took quite a while to explain the meaning of 'orgy' to the Indians. So they all smoked peace pipe, got down to (everyone else's) business, then feasted on cold cuts and root beer, with enough fermentation to wipe out most of the guests. Then the time of the Great Napping began. This was actually relayed down the years in Indian history. Since the Indians pass down history in song, we had to decode the meaning of this special song: "Do a little dance. Make a little love. Get down tonight. Get down tonight."

Another myth dispelled by Indian lore is the story of the YMCA. There was no Indian in the group, and if there were, he was totally straight.

• I got a text from my cell carrier, saying I was signed up for Program X, and I could go to this url to set my options. It was legit so I went to the site. Some new exciting program that looked a lot like an old boring program was mentioned. It looked halfway ok, then I discovered there was a monthly charge. I was not happy.
• It took about half an hour to locate a correct service number. When I called, the very polite service person told me that I had opted in. No, Dear, I'm not what you'd call an opter-inner. She told me to check my texts. I humored her and didn't find a text. She claimed she had the text and apologetically offered to cancel everything.
• So be careful about this. And by all means, go online to your providers page, create or sign into your account, then look for the privacy section. SHUT DOWN all BS about advertising and anything else you don't wish to happen. The carriers assume you opt-in and you have to manually opt out. This happens because they're greedy and have lobbyists with stacks of cash. I was signed up to have my location shared with a third party.

Faceyspaces has been fined $663,000 for failure to protect its users' personal information.

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Boy, Zuck is going to feel THAT.

Morally, if not legally, they didn't fail to protect its users' personal information so much as sell it for their own profit.

Mollusks in my Molars

Just saw a book called A Practical Guide to Racism.
Couldn't you just take the ball and run across the country with it?


Does it guide you on how to practice racism?

• a black man asks if he can date your daughter. You tell him "not in muh house, colored person."
• LeRoy the drummer wants to join your band. You say no because he's black. The joke's on you because white people have no rhythm.
• see what I did there?

How to spot racism?

• Good morning, class. I'm from the Mayor's Commission on Racism. Since you're white, you're automatically racist.  [true story-Temple University]
• the guy in the white dunce cap and bedsheet, holding the rope? He's the racist.

How to use racism to shut down any argument?

• Trump building The Wall is racist.

It turns out that the name of the show is RuPaul's Drag Race, not RON Paul's. I know this now. In completely unrelated news, I will not be speaking at the libertarian convention after all.

• Before you take a ride on Lyft or Uber, or after, if applicable, you should probably know what they're up to with your data. Not only do they snoop on riders, the executives are spying on journalists who ask too many questions. This is in addition to your data that allows tracking, as well as a decent idea of where you've been going. Read and weep.

Plugging in a new USB device on a Windows 10 machine sends data to Windows, without encryption. Windows is a dumpster fire. A dumpster fire that positively EATS your privacy. This is something just discovered, in addition to the rest of the backdoors to Microsoft and the NSA. I am not making this up.

not that it really matters....

• I often rant about the IoT (Internet of Things): your toaster and Alexa, sending data up the line. Let me illustrate via the news: people are figuring out that there's something going on militarily. How? Some in the military are wearing Fitbits and their data is going upstream. People have looked at the data and figured out there's movement because the individuals are in places we don't know about or they shouldn't be. It's bad enough that data is leaving our house; now it's perfectly illustrated by possibly secret military data. A failure on the military's part, a failure on the public's part, and on the part of the manufacturer (who is profiting from the data).
• When we're done with this issue, don't take any time to think about military being in places they shouldn't be. Oops.
• All of the sudden, Strava, the manufacturer of the devices, is committed to safety.
• What a perfect time to take a public lesson on this activity. Considering it was just Data Privacy Day, I'm willing to bet it will be completely ignored.

So that Spectre/Meltdown issue with the CPUs... the first fix was recalled. When the real fix comes along, it could slow your computer significantly. Superbly bungled. However, the head of Intel says there will be a fix by the end of the year. A silicon fix (hardware/chip). For all future CPUs. Your CPU? Well, you're screwed. I'm full of righteous indignation today, aren't I?

• Let this serve as your periodic reminder that Tony Curtis' real name was Bernie Schwartz. Michael Landon used to be Eugene Orowitz. Furthermore, Steven Tyler is, in reality, Steven Tallarico. He must have changed it because it sounds too Jewish.

SNAPPLE - further

For those of you following along at home, as well as those of you who can bother to be bothered with Trivial Shit<tm>, I'm continuing on the Snapple path. After several months of attempting to purchase lemon Snapple, which is allegedly on sale, and failing miserably, I managed to procure two large bottles, much to my surprise.  Things were good.

But the Snapple Gods were not smiling down upon me. In fact, they were laughing hysterically. Upon opening, the first taste was weird. The second taste continued to be weird. Thinking maybe I ate chocolate or something that would throw the taste off, I tried later. I had my wife try it. I'd have had the dog try it, but he doesn't indicate on quality. He'd probably reject it anyway, on the basis of lemon. He'll eat almost anything but lemon.

It's odd... maybe too much lemon. I'm not exactly sure. Will have to open the second bottle. Who else do you know who has trouble procuring a decent bottle of Snapple? Things are a little... different.. in my house.

I don't mean to come off all negative. I can say conclusively that every bag of Peanut Butter M&Ms that has entered my house has been consistently delicious. There's never even a problem purchasing it. Or eating it.

UPDATE: Snapple and YooHoo, among others, were just purchased by Keurig Green Mountain. While Keurig is one of the greatest products ever invented, Green Mountain has spammed people relentlessly and their coffee is like light brown water, with all the taste of... light brown water.

• Speaking of getting out, I finally managed to get to the guitar store that was (intentionally) closed on New Years Day. With more than enough money for strings and picks, with a great collection of effects pedals, with about four lefty guitars, I could not find a thing I wanted. Nice employees, though.
• Fender has some interesting new guitars coming out; a new series called American something or other Series. Unfortunately it won't be in stock for a while. The positive news is that the existing series guitars will be blown out, hence a potential good deal. I love Fenders, even if they don't make much I like these days. I have older ones.
• Do you ever feel like feeling like you're old? Of course you do. When I was young, I got my first Fender. These Stratocasters were generally regarded as dogs. It was a bad time for Fender and their products suffered. Flash forward to modern day and the 'dogs' I bought are now considered 'vintage'. They command a lot more than they were purchased for. Dogs.
• Meanwhile, I want a real vintage guitar -  1950s.  I played a 1958 Strat once.. it was like butter.. it almost played itself, like something out of Spinal Tap. It would have cost me about $12,000. Today that same guitar would cost triple, quadruple, or more, depending on condition. Since we're rather fond of living in our house, I'll have to find an alternate funding source.

The self-replicating dirty dishes have taken on almost plague-like conditions. I leave a clean sink and the next morning it's full again. Remember, there are only two (alleged) adults plus a precocious spaniel in the house. For this occasion only, I feel safe saying it's not the dog's fault, as he cannot grasp dishes, due to that Lack of Opposable Thumb Thing. I haven't fully ruled out the wife, though, as things tend to happen when she's involved. Logically, all things considered (such as my physical well being), I have only one choice: to believe that the dirty dishes are self-replicating. 

• Interns at the Kansas Capitol must sign a confidentiality agreement. Some outside experts say this is to deter sexual harassment claims.  Imagine an employer so dirty that one has to sign an agreement not to talk about what goes on? Imagine that it's the government.
• Nope, sorry. The government is to remain transparent (Obama, the most transparent administration). They're always up to no good, and that's just the part we can see. Who allowed the Patriot Act to pass? Who just reauthorized unfettered spying? Congress.

Way down there in Mumbai, referred to by Lynyrd Skynyrd as Sweet Home Mumbai, a man died when he was sucked into an MRI machine.  My wife had an MRI and was terrified, so I went with her. Nobody told us what to expect. The machine started and I noticed the necklace I was wearing at the time seemed to be very eager to leap into the machine. We're talking about a piece of metal the size of a guitar pick.

So I'm wondering if maybe the guy was wearing a metal suit. No, as it turns out, the poor fellow was carrying an oxygen cylinder. A doctor and another person were arrested under Indian law for causing death due to negligence. This is one law you won't see in the US. Ever.  It is believed that the gentleman died from inhaling liquid oxygen, which cools the machine.  So remember, kids... breathe oxygen, don't drink it.

If I don't see the sun soon, all of the stories here will be like this.
I mention this because not only is it dreary, we have two days of Nuisance Snow this week. Although all snow is a nuisance, Nuisance Snow is up to one inch, which only serves to cause car accidents and panic buying of bread, milk, and those hats with the whirlygig on top.

• A Russian military jet came within five feet of a US Navy plane, out in international waters. 
• Asked for comment, Vladimir said, "That's a nice plane. It would be a shame if something were to happen to it."
• Navy experts said that it was an attempt by the Russians to show that their... fuselages... were bigger than ours.

Some historically black colleges are struggling with rock bottom graduation rates, some as low as twenty percent. Based strictly upon recent events, there are several ways to deal with this:

1. Lower standards for graduation. A city police force (Philly?), under orders to hire more black people, had to lower the test scores for hiring because not enough black people passed the test.
2. Bring in Other Than Black (OTB) students, on a scholarship, to hopefully raise graduation stats.

That should go over like the proverbial fart in church. Like a Black Sabbath concert for the pope. Like a sermon on bodily fluids.

• Thrillist’s Definitive and Final Ranking of All 50 States ranks Florida as the worst state in the nation.  California's governor Jerry Brown has passed a law, ignoring Florida's rating, and pledges to get his state ranked "right where it belongs."
• Stockton, California, has come out of the gate swinging. Bankrupt since 2012, Stockton's mayor is going to implement Universal Basic Income. For one year, several dozen families will get $500 per month, no strings attached.  In addition to tracking what the residents do with the money, they will be monitoring how a basic income affects things like self-esteem and identity.
• At this point, there is a one million dollar contribution to go towards funding this experiment. If implemented, there will be no donations: it will come right out of your pockets.
• Where did the crisis come from? Stockton racked up millions in debt in development projects in the past, among other things. But it's Magic Money!
• Seriously?

Never accuse ThermionicEmissions of failing to feature feel-good stories, chock full of good old fashioned family values. In fact, the Philadelphia Inquirer just ran a great, sensitive story about generations of families in jail together. It just [sniff..] tugs at your heartstrings. 

• The Indians baseball team is going to change their "Chief Wahoo" logo, deemed offensive to Indians. To avoid causing any further upset, the Indians' new logo will be a swastika.

I've been married a while, so naturally I got to thinking about marriage licenses. Sit a spell and think with me, please.

A couple must go to the city/state/locality and pay for a license to marry. 

Let's not get into the discussion over the state telling you who you can marry.

Why should the state have a say in your marriage? At most, perhaps they can act strictly as a registrar, keeping a record that you are married. Maybe.

This is one of the many reasons I'm a libertarian. We believe in small government. I'd go so far as to say we don't need car registrations. Some go further.

And then when you're done getting the state's permission to marry, you have to find someone to marry you (hopefully you already have a spouse picked out). Apparently this is considerably easier a process, in that just about anyone can marry you. Justice of the Peace, religious leaders, ministers of the church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, pretty much anybody with the right piece of paper.

• Campus Reform took a trip to New York University to ask students what they thought about President Trump's State of the Union address. Students hated it. The only problem was that the address was a week away. Did the students get an advance copy? Did they somehow travel to the future and back? Ladies and gentlemen, the future of America.
• Next week, NYU will review the 2020 elections.

Ripped from the headlines: last night I read, wherever it was that I read it, that you might as well eat pizza for breakfast, especially if you normally eat cereal. The logic here is that they have the same amount of calories, but there's a chance that you'll get some protein from the pizza, as opposed to a bowl full of sugar from the cereal. Personally I find nothing wrong with either, although I prefer a bowl full of sugar in the morning and pizza for lunch and/or dinner. Also mentioned is the fact that the cereal sugar is full blast then burnout, while the pizza sugar takes longer, so you don't get the burnout. Not mentioned is whether you like your pizza from last night's box (or last week's), cold from the fridge, or frozen with maple syrup.

• The NSA literally deleted 'trust' and 'honesty' from its core values. At least they're straight about something. By the way, don't say anything when you're near the toaster, ok?

Canada has a C-16 bill, which makes it a criminal offense to 'misgender' people. In England, you cannot use racial slurs, in person or on the internet. The US is working on a law that would make it illegal to make fun of someone's nose hair. Which one of these laws is made up?

I submit that it's difficult to misgender or gender people if they don't tattoo it on their foreheads. Sometimes you see people and ask if they're.... 

And now, ThermionicEmissions is illegal in Canada AND England.

• Boy, am I sick of football. Mind you, I'm sick of football at all times, but it's worse lately. Because the Eagles (Dem Iggles) are going to the Superbowl, television is nonstop Eagles. The morning multi-hour news show is All Eagles, All the Time. The anchors are now in Minnesota (minus the comical accents). Fortunately, there's nothing going on in the country or the world at this moment to break into the 6 hour daily coverage of Dem Iggles, although they did a highly relevant news story about the Mall of America.
• It would be unspeakably rude of me to disallow sports, even though the idea constantly tugs at my being, like certain ideas do when watching Shakira. So watch your sports (after you pay attention to the local and world news, not instead of it). Just get it off the damn 24 hour news cycle.
• It's a good thing I don't watch broadcast television or this blog would be the headquarters of the AntiSports. Moreso.

As I lamented the extreme lack of music on MTV, I discovered an actual CLASSIC channel! Forgetting MTV's mandate, it became clear that Classic means the songs that were HOT fifteen minutes ago. You haven't lived til you hear your tunes on the oldies station.

• While it is possible that the dog sits under other people and gasses them into oblivion, I can only speak for myself. Last time it was so bad that I ran into the kitchen to see if the stove was on. I'm ordering a WWII gas mask  or some SCUBA gear.

Michael Moore, multi-millionaire filmmaker and celebrity*, says that America must be 'Cleansed' of white male privilege.  If he were really serious, he'd cleanse America of Michael Moore's white male privilege.

* I'm against personal attacks. If I weren't against personal attacks, I'd say something like, "...and Famous Fat Person,"

• Quincy Jones took a swing at Taylor Swift recently, saying we need f***ing songs, not hooks. 'A bad song can't be saved by the three best singers in  the world'.
• Go, Quincy! Although this is way late in coming, and probably should have been directed at a previous generation or two, it needed to be said. However, the blame ultimately lies with the record companies. They will only sign and put out garbage for the lowest common denominator. When it starts to sell, all you get is copycats, including the songs, which are written by only a few people. To be fair, Taylor writes her own songs.

Hey, remember that false alarm about the incoming missile in Hawaii?  

It would seem that we have the Original Excuses, and now we have a Report, just made public. For your reading pleasure, the Original Excuses are in blue and the Report Excuses are in red.

The employee hit the wrong button.

The employee misheard something during the drill and believed there was an incoming missile.

The employee made a mistake: we didn't fire him, we reassigned him.

The employee was fired last week.

He was a good employee.

He has been a source of concern to other staffers for over ten years.

We are fed such crap on a daily basis.  Mainstream media lies and/or makes things up routinely. Regardless, all news outlets are owned by six organizations and they print what they're told. When there's an emergency, Damage Control goes into action. Read it again. Boldface lies. Or, if you'd rather, what we heard that day was the truth and this report is full of lies. It's not like you can get the truth anyway.  Remember this next time something big happens. Write it down or record it, then watch the narrative 'evolve'.

• Glee star Mark Salling hanged himself after pleading guilty to child pornography charges. If only more would take the honorable way out.

In case you've booked tickets for that holiday in Poland, be aware that the government has limited Sunday shopping to benefit family life.  Hey, that's just as stupid as some country not allowing car.. or alcohol... ummm... sales.. on Sunday because of.... Blue Laws. Oh.

Special Flying Section

• Astronauts will soon recycle their waste into protein paste. Because you know what they say... Eat shit and fly.

Eighty five plumbers headed from Norway to Germany got unlucky when their plane was forced to return to Norway. Because of a broken toilet. 

I will now ruin the hilarity by telling you that the repair needed to be done outside the plane and no one would volunteer. Or the airline couldn't afford their rates.

• United Airlines, who shares Adolph Hitler's publicist, declined a woman's emotional support animal. She even purchased a second ticket, but United refused to let her emotional support peacock on the plane. In a statement, United said they explained this to the lady three times before they arrived at the airport.
• Something tells me they're really not going to like my emotional support elephant.

Best Headline: Dems panic over avalanche of good economic news...

• I hate it in PA. In the summer, you have to get the ice cream home before it melts. Tonight the ice cream was just fine, but the cereal froze.

Why You Shouldn't Speak in Paragraphs

My wife answered the door last night.  It was my brother.

brother: I hope I didn't interrupt anything.
wife: No, we're done and I have pictures for you...
brother: ummm..... no thanks.
wife: but your mom sent pictures for you.
brother:  OH.

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Why is it that forecasters can accurately predict the price gas is going to rise to at a certain time in the future but never when it is going to go back down?

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Rick Santorum knows the private agenda of Satan, who has his sights set on the USA.

The only thing more amusing and sad is that people are voting for him.

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There was a march on the White House yesterday.  You didn't hear about it because it was military in support of Ron Paul.  Four hundred military, in fact.  Go ahead, say Ron Paul's foreign policy is weak; even the military knows he's correct.

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Are you refusing to be body-scanned by the TSA?  That's suspicious behavior, son...

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Today in musical news:  Wolfgang's Vault is featuring 1983 footage of Joe Cocker singing `A White Shade of Pale'.  The Vault is a tremendous musical destination on the web.  Sign up for a free membership and see/listen to incredible classic rock content.