Billy Was a Mountain

Fast & Furious star Paul Walker is a new entry in the latest Forbes list of top-earning dead celebrities.

• there is a list of top-earning dead celebrities?
• perhaps I should become dead - it seems to be great for your career. 
• Hendrix did most of his work posthumously

The first republican presidential debate will air only on CNBC. A spokesman for the GOP stated that they don't want the kind of person who doesn't have cable voting for republicans.

ThermionicEmissions would like to congratulate Northrup Grumman, which beat Boeing and Lockheed Martin to win the multi-BILLION dollar contract on the next-generation long-range strike bomber.  When asked for comment on how we're going to pay for this, President Obama said, "What the hell do you think we're doing in Syria?"

• I used to object to the characterization of California as the land of fruit and nuts but it's glaringly obvious that they earned the title fairly.  They are now considering warning labels on meat. As if that weren't enough, San Francisco voted to shield illegal aliens from deportation officials (except they called them immigrants, of course). Next week, San Francisco considers voting to shield serial murderers from the police.

ZOMBIE fan? You'll be disappointed to hear that Hollywood is going back to exorcism and demonic possession. Just in time for the holidays.

• According to Nielsen, football led tv ratings this week.  In a completely unrelated story, Kim Kardashian announces that she and Kanye are getting sex changes.

The Catholic priest who was fired by the Vatican says the clergy is 'full of homosexuals.' Who could have seen that coming?  Apparently he neglected to mention child molesters too.

• In case you're missing this essential skill, Lifehacker will teach you 'how to fart in public and get away with it'.

Ever wonder where crop circles come from? Wonder no more.

• I have posted a few pieces about how the satanists are fighting for our rights. Now the atheists are at it, but apparently they need to take a cue from the satanists about making a point. Richard Dawkins, Sam Harris and Neil deGrasse Tyson are going to hold a cross burning ceremony for Christmas because 'a cross-burning... would teach them a lesson in rational thought.'  Gents: I fear this is not the way to go about making friends and influencing people. People might not grok the subtlety of your message. Christians will be mad, the KKK will sue you for copyright violation, and the Muslims will probably shoot you on principle.

Fender now has a Jimi Hendrix Stratocaster! And it's only for backwards (right-handed) people. Sad irony.

TECH

A survey of applications installed on Windows computers found that a lot of users don't run up-to-date versions of Apple programs; QuickTime and iTunes were the largest group [Most Exposed to Threats in the US].  As if it wasn't bad enough that people are using Windows AND Apple, I strongly urge you to keep these up to date.  In fact, you'd be well-served to dump QuickTime and use the free (and open source), capable VLC for all of your audio and video needs. It does not have viruses or Phone Home like the bloated QuickTime. As for iTunes, I'm not even gonna bother...

If you use WhatsApp, know that it's sucking up your data like mad. Find an alternative. I don't use this so I can't tell you where to go. 

BILLY THE MOUNTAIN

This is an incredible song by Frank Zappa and the Mothers of Invention. It runs a bit long for today's MTV-bred viewers/listeners. When I first heard it, I fell in love. This version features Volman/Kaylan vocals, formerly of the Turtles (Happy Together). It tells the story of Billy (a mountain) and his wife Ethel (a tree growing out of his shoulder). It's rife with references to the Tonight Show, patriotism, the draft, California, and the new superhero for our times, Studebaker Hawk. If you have delicate ears, skip it. If you have delicate ears, you wouldn't be reading ThermionicEmissions.

This opera came out long before compact discs and had to fit on a record. The level of musicianship is stellar, like most of Zappa's recordings. Imagine how difficult it must be to perform a piece this long every night, including the odd change for venue. It's mind-boggling.  Give it a listen and check out the story - it's only slightly bizarre.

If your brain has somehow managed not to explode, check out Mothers Live at the Fillmore '71. It's a little easier on the skull and has a great groupie story. Robert Plant was hysterical over it.

When Temptation Knocks, Be Sure to Let It In

An Indian journalist has been burned alive after publishing allegations of corruption on Facebook.

Another senseless, Facebook-related death.

• Why do we have laws? Because Obama supporters sign petition to nuke Russia. Although this was a prank, it was signed by many.  This must be why my local news has a social media reporter to share the wisdom of the Great Unwashed. Sorry, guys, I don't need to hear what the people on Faceyspaces have to say- it's not news.

Range Rover automatically detects, reports potholes to government.

In totally unrelated news, government blacklists rangerover.com domain.

• Everybody's favorite stoner, Tommy Chong, has been diagnosed with rectal cancer. Unbothered, Tommy is looking forward to self-medication, with great interest. Let's send Mr. Chong good thoughts.

A study in the Journal of Abnormal Psychology, found in 1996, stated: "Homophobia is apparently associated with homosexual arousal that the homophobic individual is either unaware of or denies."  In short, the experiment 'hooked up' a bunch of men to a measuring device then showed them gay porn. The people most aroused were the ones who were the most homophobic.  Remember this when a politician or religious figure protests too much.

• After much research, I have come to the conclusion that I am deeply offended by houndstooth. I had inadvertently transposed herringbone with houndstooth and wish to apologize to herringbone for the misunderstanding. I have nothing at all against herringbone; I am offended only by houndstooth.

Most kangaroos are left-handed. I was kinda hoping for a more high-profile example but as the ten-percent minority, we have to take what we can get. No word yet on dogs.

• For some reason, it has been decided, wherever it is decided, that Alexander Hamilton no longer has the cache for the ten dollar bill. He will be replaced by an unspecified woman. Even though I oppose this strange idea, let me be a good sport and make a suggestion: Sophia Vergara.

Jeb Bush announced White House bid, saying 'America deserves better.'  And in that spirit, he called off his White House bid.

• France has denounced revelations of NSA spying. As a precaution, France has taken the liberty of surrendering.

Da Tunes

Today's bit of musical fun comes courtesy of Robben Ford. Robben has played with everyone from Miles Davis to Michael McDonald to his own solo career. He's a guitarist's guitarist, while at the same time producing music most people can really like.  Check out Robben and phenom Joe Bonamassa jamming at a tribute to Leo Fender.  Also check out a concert with his band, The Blue Line. Great stuff!

Ozzy Osbourne is a Poofter

And we all know Rule Number One:  NO POOFTERS!

He's the pince of freakin' darkness, fer chrissake.... the man practically helped invent heavy metal.  He launched the careers of many an axeslinger, such as Randy Rhodes and Zakk Wylde.

Why, you ask, is Ozzy a poofter?

Because the esteemed Mr. Osbourne just put down ten thousand dollars for a Yorkshire Terrier.

Yorkshire Terriers, or Yorkies, as they're called, are not dogs suitable for your princes of darkness.  Not even your run of the mill prince of dusk would be seen alive with one of these dogs.  And when I say dogs, I mean cleverly disguised rodents.

Now let's cut to the chase: Yorkies are the exclusive territory of homosexual males, not legendary heterosexual rock stars (regardless of what their wives say).

Does Ozzy wear sweaters?
No.

Does Ozzy sell women's shoes?
No.

Should Ozzy own a Yorkie?
No.

There.  It's really that simple.

Mandatory disclaimer for the humor-impaired:

I don't care what anyone's sexuality is.   Roles is roles and rules is rules. 

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P.S.  Thank you very much, readers.  Your stopping by and commenting is very uplifting.