My Ear Hair Hurts

Remember: cake is merely a delivery system for the icing. Cut out the middleman and just eat icing. You can buy it in a can or make it yourself. Grab a spoon and dig in.


Your love is like  an icepick to the kidney


I don't know about you, but if I lived in Indiana and anyone called me a hoosier, I'd run them over with a chainsaw.



Dear lefty

• Why do you have a mock advice column in your blog?
• Why are your questions always so stupid?

I just spent over 30 highly unsatisfying minutes with my best friend, Windows 10.
These were 30 minutes I wasn't in work, because the computer didn't want to connect to work. Then the 20 minute reboot, then the DNS-blindness, then the refusal to 'see' hardware that it saw perfectly 20 minutes ago, then another reboot. When it finally came up, Outlook once again came up full screen, even though I never use it full screen and have tried many suggestions on how to fix it. I'd replace the box with linux, but I'd have to get a signed note from God himself before my boss would consider it.

Windows: it's not an operating system, it's a virus.



Flying AIDS news

Headline: Everywhere
It's bad. It's going to get worse, unless you follow rules or get a shot or...
This will be the worst [insert period of time] ever.

There is a humongous list of things we may not do because of the Flying AIDS, yet children should go back to school. What's wrong with this picture?

Florida, never gone from the news long, reports that Chinese masks are showing up at many addresses, unsolicited. I guess the Chinese got bored of sending packets of seeds. Odd people, those Chinese. What does this say about Chinese Floridians?

The head of the Department of Natural Resources is telling employees to wear face masks on teleconferences — even when they’re not around others and at no risk of spreading the coronavirus.  Mrs lefty says, "Well, they're certainly drinking the Kool Aid."  In unrelated news, the Department of Natural Resources told its employees to wear condoms 24 hours per day, whether or not they're getting laid.

Hey, if you're in the mood to go back to the movies, you can get 15 cent tickets AMC. Hmmm.... 15 cent tickets... chance of Flying AIDS..... let's get a busload to go!

• speaking of teleconferences, please don't use Zoom. Zoom's privacy issues are all over the press, yet people keep using it. If someone asks you to use Zoom, explain to them that it's a real privacy and malware issue. There are alternatives.

Trumpie

• Trump unloads on ‘stone cold crazy’ Pelosi, ‘mad woman’ Kamala, ‘poor student’ AOC
• for all his faults, and there are many, he sure is entertaining sometimes

I joke that if Trump produced peace in the middle east, people would deny it and use it as grounds for impeachment. I'm a little shocked to read that Israel and the United Arab Emirates have reached a peace deal, which Trump helped broker. Good on all parties!  Oddly, the Palestinians are not pleased, referring to it as treason (which is why there will never be total peace in the middle east).

A man killed himself, allegedly because his wife wouldn't have sex with him.
"You can SUE for that?" you say.
This happened in India, where the decedent's mother is suing the wife for "abetment to suicide."
Although the US has the best and most litigious litigators in the tri-galaxy area, even they couldn't get much past failure to consumate.


Hollywood's Biggest Secret
Ok, Hollywood's Second Biggest Secret
It's Ed Begley, Jr.
You've seen him in black and white movies, current movies, older movies, and he Does. Not. Age.

• In Egypt, archaeologists have unearthed hieroglyphs depicting pharaohs with huge headgear, who look suspiciously like Ed Begley, Jr.
• In the Wild West, Ed Begley, Jr's saddles were #1 and his face was etched on the saddle. His motto was "Buy an Ed Begley, Jr saddle and sit on Ed's face!"
• In a recent inspection of a 1917 Ford Model T, there was a picture of Ed in the glove compartment.
• In the rubble of the Twin Towers, there were cases and cases of Ed Begley, Jr brand thermite: "Have a blow up on Ed!"
• Records indicate there was no Ed Begley, Sr.

Did you delete anything on Instagram?
It's supposed to take up 90 days. Turns out it might have kept things for more than a year.  I hate to say this again, but don't post anything online that you wouldn't post in the local library or give to your grandparents. Assume that when you post something, even privately, it's available for public view, or at least view by the employees of the service.



Department of Justice says Yale discriminates against whites and Asians


SJWs Worldwide

India, Jamaica, and Canada are also celebrating Kamala Harris' appointment, largely for the same reasons the democrats are: she's black, female, lived in Canada, and has Indian roots. In other words, India, Jamaica, and Canada are every bit as shallow and dim as America.


LA Times: Camping is often called America's favorite outdoor activity. But camping and national parks have a complicated past when it comes to racial equality and equal access for all. One modern barrier to entry: the cost of camping gear. Yes, camping is racist.

Iran, Iraq, Whatever

It took a while for me to get the warmongers straight.... Iraq, Iran... we reverse them every few years, so they're difficult to remember.

Around 7pm Eastern, yesterday, Iran bombed a military base in Iraq, where Americans are stationed.

The news was all over it, as they should be.
Unlike normal, they were pretty factual, without too much bias.
There was no information on casualties, some with no mention at all - just that there was a bombing. That smells of something.

At some point later, Iran announced they had their revenge and that was the end of their bombing. Also, death to America and death to Israel.  Unless I am mistaken, Israel wasn't involved.

Coincidentally, there were several earthquakes, and a Ukranian Boeing 737 crashed, killing all 176 aboard.

I smell a mouse barking at a dog.
Iran pre-warned Iraq, as well as a neutral country (Finland?), which could warn America. American knew earlier, via satellite and plane surveillance.

Not much news about the crashed plane, other than Iran refusing to send the black box to Boeing or work with them onsite. It will be interesting to watch this progress. They need to procure the passenger list to see if there were any interesting targets. I hope the grieving families get some peace. Looking at the debris could give some info: I know this from watching 12 seasons of Aircraft Crash Investigation.

Completely missing from the news and commentary is the fact that Iran bombed Iraq. I believe this is an act of war. Iraq's statement is pending.

Naturally the Congressional reaction went straight along party lines. Republicans cheered, Democrats jeered. The biggest group of ass clowns on the planet and 'we' voted them in. Pelosi blamed everything on Trump, saying we're instigating.

My initial reaction was "Warmongers. This was pre-planned. We were looking for a reason to flatten them."  In reality, it's a PR show for Iran to save face.


Iran's chief black-hat white-beard said America has no place in the region and that Israel is next, if there is any further action. He's right that America shouldn't be there. Every time something happens, they threaten Israel. From the military aid we give Israel in hardware, one can say this would not be a smart idea.

Joe Biden went off on the administration, which was a strange irony, as he was VP when Obama bombed the area.

Trump's speech seemed quite professional and measured, which was a tiny bit surprising. My only disappointment was the unbelievable trillions spent on upgrading our war machine. To his credit, we're not rendering Iran a sheet of glass. Now his opposition will need to find a way to spin this against him.

(British) Sky News was almost complimentary.

-------------------------------

As a libertarian, I believe we have no business there, or anywhere else. That area has been at war long before America was a country; we add nothing. Our policy of non-aggression speaks for itself.  Our presence there only aggravates things.

Now imagine the trillions being seriously whittled down for only a strong defense - not offense. No transport costs, huge military contracts, and lives lost for no good reason. Our troops are brave, but misled into believing they're fighting for our freedoms, when they're fighting for oil, drugs, and the Military Industrial Complex.

Peace.

Weaponized Bunnies?

THIS JUST IN

Early Pleistocene enamel proteome from Dmanisi resolves Stephanorhinus phylogeny

Don't say I didn't warn you...



Mozilla is supercharging Firefox with two new features: one is DNS over HTTP, which hides your DNS requests. This makes it more difficult to track you. Coming up is their VPN. This will protect Firefox traffic only. When you connect to a site through the vpn, your IP address will not appear. However, you'll still get cookies (if you allow them) and your 'fingerprint' will be the same. Still, it's best to use this whenever you can, especially at 'free wifi' spots. A (free) Firefox account is required. Firefox will also be blocking trackers by default.

You can also use TOR - free browsers are available in your app store.

DNS and VPN services are provided by Cloudflare. There is no mention of a vpn for mobiles. Cloudflare is huge and reputable, but they can be 'asked politely' for information by governments. 


Dealerleads.com left their entire database, 413gb of data, open on the internet. The data is potential car buyers' names, email addresses, phone numbers, addresses and more. This stuff is crazed and it's not going to stop anytime soon.

WhatsApp 'delete for everyone' doesn't delete media files sent to iDevice users.

iDevice lockscreen bypass: iOS13 tricked into showing your contacts.



I'm looking at my phone, checking on the wireless networks on the block.  It finds something called Bedroom TV. This should be fun. Last time it found an open printer. It took all I had not to print a few pages out for them.

• "Tyranny is always better organized than freedom." - Charles Peguy

Dear lefty

• You sound happy today
• I got some sex last night. I'm just not sure from whom.

It's 9:15am on a Saturday. It's gray outside and it might have stopped raining. Someone is running a weeder with an 8 cylinder 454 Corvette engine outside my window. Legal question: is it wrong to smoke near its gas tank?

• California passed a bill to ban police use of facial recognition. I'm stunned.
• But only on People of Color.  that's better.

Today I identify as another white guy exercising his privilege (but not his body)

About a year ago, six Stingray devices were found around Washington, DC. These devices fake being a cell tower site, so all phones in the area connect to it, and the owner has 100% of the information flowing through it.  Not that anything important happens in DC, you know, around the White House....

The FBI did some research and discovered they belonged to Israel. The FBI is pissed, calling the Israelis Copycat and Thiefy Thiefy, for stealing their toy. 

Israel's prime minister, Benjamin Netanyahu said, "No intelligence work in the US, no spies."  Yeah, ok.  The Mossad is famous for its spying and have been doing it in the US for quite a while. They just got caught.

In a previous post, I talked about foreign aid. The largest recipient is Israel, at something like $8+ billion. Do you think this bolsters my argument that we should cut off all foreign aid?  Hell, it's our money....

Large Question: How is Israel so popular and well-defended in the US? Most presidents and all Congresses kowtow. Does Israel get pictures of them from Epstein?

No thank you, I'd rather file taxes.

It's only September, but here's an early winner for Tweet of the Year:

Instead of more debates, the Democrats should settle this the obvious way: whoever can go door to door and forcefully confiscate the most AR-15s in the next 6 months gets to be the nominee.  @liberty4masses

I haven't seen the local news in quite a while, so I sat down. I was stunned.
There was a huge story about a man whose dog shredded a box, put in the wrong spot because the postal worker was afraid of the dog. They interviewed the dog owner, who spent a long time pontificating about the postal service. They spoke to the postal service, who had a statement and apologized. THIS IS NEWS.

Then it was Major Coverage of the tv star who paid tens of thousands to have her less than intellectually gifted kid pass a test. Oh my God, she's being sentenced! Then there was some anti-police grafitti on a jogging path, featuring interviews with a neighbor and the police chief.

I live in a large metro area. There is never a shortage of news. Democratic debates just happened - that might qualify as news. Not here, apparently. No wonder I stopped watching news. This is the Taylor Swift song of news: vapid, containing nothing of value, but nice. With a good beat - we can dance to it. I give it a 3, Bob.




Heroes of the Stupid

The Ontario government lost $42m selling cannabis in the last year.

from TV news: We tried to reach out to the man who died in the accident, but he was unavailable for comment.

Florida couple accused having sex in the back of a police car following arrest.

Florida man smokes meth, snorts coke, takes Xanax, passes out, wakes up and masturbates in the hospital, police say.  He's a middle school science teacher, obviously in the midst of doing some Science.

Florida: Crossdresser robs bank, steals cop car. Did it fabulously




SJW Stuffiness

Pete Buttigieg is not gay. He's a heteronormalized man who has sex with other men. There's a difference.


NY City Commissioner: replace male statues in Central Park with women.


PC couple are keeping their toddler's gender a secret so the child can decide later.      The child's religion too?

And Now, the Breast of the Story

President Trump and the FBA (Federal Blogging Association) now require this disclaimer on all blogs:

Do not read ThermionicEmissions if you are allergic to ThermionicEmissions. Always read ThermionicEmissions with an alcoholic beverage, on an empty stomach. Use caution if you are driving.

ThermionicEmissions should not be read if you are pregnant, thinking about getting pregnant, or practicing getting pregnant. Do not read if you are not consuming recreational pharmaceuticals, if your kids are in the room, in the bath, in the shower, or thinking about a shower. Tell your internet provider if you develop a persistent laugh, which could be the sign of a serious mental condition.

Side effects include itchy breasts, heart attack, bloody spleen, black plague, red death, blue balls, spitting out your pancreas, punching old ladies, screaming WHY DIDN'T YOU MOLEST *ME* at priests, OCD OCD OCD, shaving your testicles, shaving your mother's testicles, and death. 


One percent of people who read the blog asked for a different blog. The other 99 percent were too stunned to reply. Only 3 percent of men became pregnant. 38 percent assaulted the person who referred them. The majority painted their nipples red and sang loudly, out of tune, at the zoo.



Amazon now lets you opt-out of having humans review your Alexa conversations.

No really. We're not kidding this time. We'd never lie to you. We're good, honest people.


I don't use goog Maps (or goog anything), so here are 10 alternatives. The irony is they're all available from the goog play store. I'd avoid mapquest if you're interested in getting somewhere.


If you fly Cathay Pacific, the privacy policy changed: they will gather all possible information on you. This will be aided by cameras in lounges and plane cabins. The statement from Cathay is that they don't have cameras in the loos, so don't worry. Meanwhile there are cameras on the seat back entertainment console, which they claim aren't used. Don't fly Cathay.


This won't come as a surprise to ThermionicEmissions readers, but Microsoft contractors are listening to some Skype calls. I'll go one step further.. Microsoft is very fond of Telemetry, so they're listening too. The program was cracked before they bought it.


AT&T customer? Employees took bribes to plant malware on the company network, as well as unlocking phones. I like the unlocking phones part..





Dear lefty:

• Why does my wife have more shoes than clothes?
• Because she's preparing to go clothes shopping.

A man proposed to his girlfriend by putting a ring on a cow's udder.
Ten points for creativity. Minus eight points for romance being dead.





THIEF!
The other day I noticed there were no cereal bowls. Ok, perhaps I didn't wash them or something.  Dear, have you seen any bowls lately? No? Where do you suspect they all went?  Bowl thieves? People from different dimensions popping in and stealing them for fun? People from the future, coming back and taking ours because there aren't any after the year 2502? Cereal Bowl Fairies? A cocker that takes them and buries them in the yard?

Sometimes I find dishes in ... different... places. Like the forks on the other side of the kitchen, near the tree limb lopper.  Tupperware outside, near the driveway. Coffee cups in the tub. Paper plates made into mock wind chimes, attached to the back of the car. Stuff like that....



It's not that our driving has gone to hell, nor is it our driving manners...
Ok, it IS.
There is a bad section of the Turnpike, where alleged repairs are being done on the road.
Undaunted, the drivers are knocking down the bright orange pylons and driving outside the traffic lanes.
Daunted, the drivers are pulling over, with mangled cars, from driving over repair detritus.
Instant Karma.



An indefinite 'security' lockdown is in place in the Indian-controlled portion of Kashmir.
This means the internet was shut off to avoid protests.
If you're ever curious why I'm so against any government control of the net, here it is.

• Amnesty International has issued a travel warning for the US
• The US has issued a Do Not Pay Attention warning for Amnesty International

There are already calls for Boris Johnson to resign and a no-confidence vote.
This makes the US and UK feel so alike, in spite of the distance between them.



Heard on tv
No matter what I wear, I'm afraid people will see my bladder leak underwear.



I'm in the waiting room at the doctor's office, minding my own business.
The couple across from me is listening to their voicemail at TOP VOLUME and commenting on it. This goes on forever. Since I'm socially retarded, I was hoping  you can help me choose the right thing to do

• scream "SHUT THE FUCK UP, you shameless bastards."
• say "If I wanted to hear idiots, I'd turn on the tv"
• pull down pants and masturbate furiously
• tell them to go home and molest their sheep

Bang Bang
Once again, bad people with guns shot good people (apparently) without them.
Everyone has sounded off on this; the people who think laws deter criminals, the people who don't want one restriction on their liberty, and the 'hate' crowd.

I'm going to sidestep that and look at the issues surrounding this.
Already, one social media platform has had (at least) its DDOS protection shut down. I haven't read the alleged hate-filled, motivating messages, but I think that unless the speech is illegal, they should be left alone [8chan posted the shooter's manifesto]. Shutting down DDOS protection clashes with my belief that private companies can do what they want - I admit it. But the alleged cesspool that is 8chan (never been there), should be left alone. Nothing 8chan said forced some mentally-questionable person to pick up a gun and shoot. Let's have some personal responsibility here. They're words. The problem is with actions.

Free speech includes speech with which you do not agree.
Posting whatever kind of crap online also helps you keep track of these loons. I'm sure social media platforms have algorithms that discover this kind of speech. Let the dummies continue to leave it out for everyone to see.

The above assumes you agree with the information put out after the shootings.
Some believe there's something else afoot. Your mileage may vary.


Related, you'll notice the official story changes here and there. The witness said 4 shooters, the press said 1 shooter. The witness said green pants, but the guy they arrested had brown pants. I am not telling you what this is, just telling you that it is.  Want to check up on what's happening? Usually the truth comes out first, then gets replaced with the official narrative. Go to your phone's software store and download a scanner app like Scanner Radio. You can set it to alert you when lots of people are listening to a particular scanner feed. You can also set it to BING when local police/fire are busy. There's no manual labor involved after you set the limits to alert you. You will hear what's happening first, from the mouths of the police there.

If you're at home, go to broadcastify.com to hear anything that the app can produce. It's a good site when you hear there's a problem. Another online resource is fox10phoenix.com  - they tend to have news earlier than others. Plus I like the climate there.

• If the dog wants something, she'll stand between her humans, barking urgently. This makes conversation difficult. If we throw a toy and it lands on a chair, she stands there and barks.
• There is not a single being in the house with an ounce of patience. Apparently opposites do not attract.
• Today we watched her stand still, then leap into the air to catch a bird. This works out well, because I don't have a camo outfit and shotgun to take her out huntin' with me.

In my quest to find as unbiased a news source as possible, I found a feed for Israeli news (i24). After spending 5 minutes there, I deleted it. It's not that they didn't like our president, but interviewed only people who disagreed with him, and asked questions indicating a left wing bias. After the shootings, they asked what he should do about mental health and apologizing for hate he caused.  Ok, no bias there. From the questions and answers, you'd think Trump pulled the trigger at both shootings. You'd also think that no one has an original thought, instead, waiting for programming from online to tell them what to do. I just want a little unbiased news. Again, I didn't vote for him, but the rampant bias is sickening. A friend said he didn't vote for Trump, but the behavior of his opponents makes him want to defend Trump and followers. He makes a point.

I support free speech, even in other countries, even when I don't agree.

I also support stopping aid to other countries, 100%, now. Oddly, as printed here before, Israel gets the most US aid of any country. Aid and news are not related - just irony today.

Just to drive the point home, I turned on Fox news and there was a commercial for the Ark exhibit. Click.



The Boss said the meeting would topic would be Ad Hoc.
What a terrible-sounding phrase. It sounds like you're clearing your throat, which must mean it's German. It's probably a declaration of love. AD HOC, fraulein!

Now let's have a go at the Chinese: bok choi.
It roughly translates to "We must fight acrobatically, out of sync"
Bok CHOI!



watching tv...
ME: Wow, she's pretty.
WIFE: She looks like a porn star.
ME: and the problem is...?



A Florida couple experienced a small after effect of a storm, when lightning hit close to their septic tank, blowing their toilet on its side. So if you've got a septic tank or a toilet, don't swim in them during a storm.



SJW Stuff

[Coalition for Women in Tech]
White Papers are racist.           [ok, I made that up, but it's not too far off]

Rosanna Arquette: 'I'm sorry I was born white and privileged. It disgusts me.'
This is a winner. I kept looking for a sign it was a joke, but no.

Vermin Supreme Has Ideas

A JetBlue flight was interrupted when iPhones were sent a picture of a suicide vest. An iPhone feature allows people within 30' to send pictures.

More iDevice-related terror.

iPhone privacy tips.


If you use WhatsApp or Telegram, you'll want to turn this setting off. Now.


Police can start with almost no information about a person of interest and instantly know intimate details of their lives. Interested in the latest assault on our liberties?

• Police in Tennessee have requested people not flush their drugs, because it could lead to 'meth-gators'.

Dear lefty

• How many SJWs does it take to change a light bulb?
• None. Light Bulbs are a tool of the patriarchy.

Reaching way back, Robert Plant's first two post-Led Zeppelin tours and albums featured a relatively unknown drummer called Phil Collins. Must've been a tough road, being famous with Genesis then drumming for Robert Plant.

But, you're asking yourself, what did Zep look like at their first concert?




Florida

A Florida man was sentenced after raping his baby daughter and posting footage to the web. I'm sure he'll be very popular in prison.

The Florida DMV sells your personal information to private companies and marketing firms...  hint: they're not the only ones.

A Texas woman lived with her dead mother for three years.
Texas must be a city in Florida.

A Florida man has been accused to cutting off his neighbor's genitals after catching him having sex with his wife.



A thief in Philly stole a man's car, with his kids inside.
The man took off after his kids, caught up with his car, and yanked the thief out.
Neighbors offered their assistance and somehow the thief wound up dead.

Instant Karma.

• I just watched Penny the Wonder Cocker catch a bird. She's fast.

Batteries and Self-Driving Cars
My buddy was looking at hybrids. The one she saw recommended replacing the batteries every 5 years, at $8k. I wonder if it's covered under the warranty...

Correct me if I'm mistaken, but the green push to electric cars blindly ignores the cost of manufacturing batteries, generating electricity at home and charging stations, and disposing of old batteries. Doesn't seem that green to me.

Along the same lines, driverless cars are not ready for prime time, yet we hear about them as if they're flawless. Even the testing has someone at the wheel, just in case. This also ignores the privacy and security aspects.



Rhubarb ain't what it used to be?

We attended a hamfest over the weekend. Before you laugh about porcine references, a hamfest is an electronic radio flea market. We had a blast, looking around at stuff for sale. While I was looking at something, a guy at the next table hailed Mrs. lefty. He asked if she liked her vegetables. He handed her a bunch of rhubarb, along with directions to cook it. When she asked what she owed him, he said nothing. Hams are some nice people. If we get randy, we can flog each other with it. Or she could cook it. I'm voting for the former.

As I type this, there is a tv show with a segment on rhubarb.

Since we were looking at radios and other goodies, I scored a small mixer and microphone. The others got carabiners, electronics learning kits, and assorted toys. It was a fun time.

• In order to grow almond trees, you need to plant two kinds of trees: male and female. Don't look outside unless you really want to watch trees fuck.

President Trump continues to endear himself to the rest of the world via tweets. Responding to criticism from the Anti Defamation League, that $8 billion is not enough aid for Israel, Trump suggested they go back to Israel. When informed the members of the ADL were American-born, he said they hated America and were antisemites. Democrats said the tweets were racist and sexist. CNN is reporting from the Trump toilet. Israel said everyone hates the ADL. A spokesman for the White House said it was moving to New Jersey.

• Someone needs to tell dress manufacturers not to run a seam right up both breasts. The newslady has a glaring yellow dress on, with what look like huge nipples....
• Oh.

SJW Sayings

We're just past the 50th anniversary of the moon landing. It was an incredibly important event worldwide. There's some great footage of people in other countries, lined up in front of television stores, watching the event and wishing the astronauts the best. Meanwhile, back home....

• Democrats of color protested the moon landing as sexist, racist, and a display of white supremacy.
• Women in tech organizations demanded new missions to be women-only.
• Liberals said that if the aliens invade and try to kill us, they should be granted immediate citizenship.
• Republicans are desperately searching for a way to become invisible.
• Moon landing skeptics were locked in a small room at NASA, with no net access.
• The president said that if the astronauts had any complaints, they should go back to the moon.

[Twitter] Since at least the 1950s, "communist" has become a popular coded word for nigger. Let's be real. Black Russians?

Rihanna is accused of cultural appropriation. On the cover of Harper's Bazaar China, her hairstyle and jewelry are similar to Chinese styles.

Vermin Supreme for President - free ponies

Shalom Bustenhalter

A lot of people would call the title pandering because most of last week's traffic came from Israel. I call it reaching out and tailoring content to larger groups, certainly not pandering.

The title comes from the two words I know in foreign languages:

Shalom: [Hebrew] Hello, Goodbye, Bagels and Lox
Bustenhalter: [German] Bra. That wasn't difficult, was it?

I know a few more foreign words:

Shwarz: [German] black (the color)
Shvatsa: [Yiddish] black (the person)
Merde: [French] shit
Oui oui: [French] pee
Fick: [German] fuck
Luh: [Chinese slang] penis
Pee: [Chinese slang] vagina
Sheiskopf: [German] shithead
Alta Cocker: [Yiddish] old man. In my house, old cocker.
Spanner: [British] wrench. In my house, dog (cocker spanner)
Tu Madre esta una puta: [Spanish] your mother drives a tow truck
Bloody Yanks: [British] our wonderful cousins, the Americans, see also Colonists
Imma: [ebonics] I am going to...
Americans: [Canadian] Those stupid motherfuckers who elected Trump and all have guns.

• At the Paris Airshow, Boeing apologized for the two crashes of 737 Max planes.
• I don't know about you, but I feel much better now - forgive and forget.

Dear lefty:

• Why does your dog bark at planes?
• She gets upset when they're in her airspace - she's protecting us.

(Certain) Women are furious over new Nike sneakers that 'look like an iron'.

The handle keeps rubbing their ankles? The shoes are too hot? You have to keep them plugged in? They're not auto power off and start closet fires? You have to fold them?

• Trans poet Jos Charles "rearranges the alphabet to survive its ferocity against her body".
• One cannot write poetry if one spends her time being assaulted and insulted by everything possible, plus making stuff up. THE COMMUNISTS ARE UNDER THE BED!!!

Best Headline: Popular Poker Player Dies in Freak Hair Dryer Accident
His wife handed him the hair dryer while he was showering?

• In stores, secret surveillance tracks your every move.
• This is an absolutely sickening article that should deflate your day accordingly, but you need to read it.
• The only thing I can advise is turn your phone off. Since that's not going to happen, don't use the store's app. Turn off Bluetooth. Turn off wifi. This may not work either.
• If you happen to catch it, find the store's board of directors and let them know what you think. Start with Walgreens.

A British primary school has banned the word 'like', after a reality show used it 76 times in 5 minutes. Fortunately the words antelope, cunnilingus, uhhh, mattress, and Streisand are not allowed on reality shows.

• Time never moves so slowly as when there are no hours to fill in on your timecard and you're waiting for someone to tell you why.

Faceyspaces wants to be your online bank, using their imaginary currency. You can send money or pay bills. Don't you want to trust this organization with your money, privacy, and security? They've been so secure in the past. I'm sure they won't mine your financial records at all.  "Trust us, we're Faceyspaces." You can even get a pre-hacked account for a discount. Just ignore all those letters asking for your password.

Something's cooking with UFO disclosure.

A NY Times editorial features government sources saying UFOs exist. Of course this is after the last 5 year study was admitted to by the government.  Even the news has allegedly stopped ridiculing UFOs.

This smells of a psyop. We're being groomed for Disclosure. Not absolute disclosure, but a different version; what we're supposed to believe. I don't think for a moment that we are going to be told anything that shows blame belonging to government for hiding any programs or UFOs in general. I don't claim to know what they're up to, but something appears to be coming.

One doesn't have to be a scholar or research expert to know that government study of UFOs didn't begin a few years ago: studies began in 1947, if not earlier. When something crashed in Roswell, what kind of armed forces and government wouldn't investigate it? Debris went to Texas and Ohio (Wright Patterson AFB), which is documented.  Through the years, different programs were launched to debunk sightings (Project Blue Book - well documented). Doesn't this say something about UFO (lack of) disclosure? When craft appeared over nuclear bases and the White House, wouldn't you investigate? Chicago Airport? Flying over the Bush Ranch?

Let me put it this way: across the planet, a ton of money, effort, threats, and denial have been used to not disclose/silence disclosure. Other countries call the US in when something happens. What could possibly cause this reaction? What are they afraid of? I have no idea -  just noticing the effort.

Remember: UFO doesn't necessarily mean aliens. The objective proof is for UFOs, not pilots. Most are probably black budget craft. Some aren't.

Don't take my word: investigate. Watch. Listen.

He's Putting a Colonoscope Up That Ferrari

Just a reminder that the new Faceyspaces facial recognition feature is turned on by default. Because it's urgent that FB get your facial metrics. In addition, this will help you get tagged in photos (and filed appropriately).

• Today's Fast Fact: voting is compulsory in Australia.
• Voting is a moral imperative in America.  If it were compulsory, we'd see even less voters.

Major difficulties are becoming public at Apple headquarters in Cupertino, CA. Because of all the glass, people are calling 911 after walking into it and injuring themselves. Only the best and brightest for Apple.

• Good thing we have the internet. I saw a commercial with the phrase "dilly dilly" in it. How stupid, I thought, and went to look it up. To my surprise, it came from a Superbowl ad for Budweiser. Yeah, there's no way I would know that otherwise. Not many 'experts' can agree on what it means, but apparently it took flight after the commercial aired. Fascinating, in that it fascinates people. We are an incredibly complex and undeniably stupid bunch.

I mentioned Ryan Seacrest being among the throngs of men accused of sexual harassment. Headlines are starting to appear about how he is 'fighting for his life'. I thought the guy had a near-fatal injury... no... he is just fighting his accuser. Hollywood - always in search of a new low.

And speaking of new lows, the Oscar ratings took a nosedive. It could have been an all time low. And who deserves it more than a bunch of back-slapping celebrities, who use any old award show as a platform for their politics and causes.

Jimmy Kimmel didn't even bother being allegedly funny: he advocated gun control and, shockingly, bashed Trump and Pence. 

• Speaking of gun control, Florida rejected a ban on assault weapons, favoring a vote to arm teachers. This might be the first thing to make sense out of Florida in ages.
• NRA membership is going through the roof.

Three daycare workers have admitted to giving children gummy bears laced with melatonin to get them calmed down for nappytime. The teachers were arrested. Asked for comment, the children yawned. Melatonin is pretty harmless, but still... it doesn't compare to my idea of valium lollipops.

Meanwhile Back in Rome...

• Father Luca Morini is on trial for allegations of blackmail, embezzlement, and other crimes. This shouldn't surprise anyone. The new and more fun item is that Francesco Mangiacapra, a male escort, has been providing services to Father Morini, who falsely presented himself as a judge. If the father's belief system is even a little bit true, I hope he comes to understand the power of the judge he's going to meet.  When Mangiacapra (don't these  people have any Smiths?), known to friends as Bob, found out the father's true identity, he questioned the financial source for all the lavish dinners and expensive gifts and reported Morini to his diocese. The diocese lept to inaction, awakening only after the case was shown on tv. The bishop suspended him and imprisoned him in his 200,000 lira house, built specially for him, with bills and maid included.
• This story has all the elements of a great book: blackmail, homosexual priests, lavish lifestyle, cocaine, orgies, and death threats. 
• The only honest man in all of this is a male escort. There has to be a biblical lesson here. This will hopefully see prosecution. The top levels of the Catholic Church, along with the pedophile priests, are the largest international criminal gang in the world.

The presidential race in 2020 is heating up, first with Trump's announcement that he will be running. Maxine Waters has just announced that if Democrats win back the House in 2018, she promises financial reparations for black Americans. Is this woman possessed by some insane ghost? Has she missed her meds for a few years?  She better be paying for this personally.

Foreign Aid

• For more years than I've been on the planet, there have been appeals and television commercials for money for starving children in Africa and elsewhere. Why is it that, despite all the money given, children are still starving? We send federal aid in addition to private donations.
• I just saw a commercial asking for aid for poor Jews in Israel. I am stunned. 
• According to an expert on Israel's defense, the defense budget is $15 billion.  The Israeli taxpayers pick up 70% of the tab. Defense Ministry income makes up 9%. The other 21% comes from you and me, fellow American taxpayer, to the tune of approximately $3.15 billion. Most of the aid comes as military equipment, not cash. This makes perfect sense, as the Military Industrial Complex gets a cut before the taxes stolen from the taxpayers go to a different country. We just signed an agreement for $38 billion over ten years.
• I don't have any means to figure out the financial demographics of my readers, and I don't care (although Google knows). We are barely getting by.  My money is better in my pocket than in the government's, then in foreign countries' pockets. Imagine what you could do with this money... save, invest, treat the family to something nice, pay off bills. Instead we give it to other countries. Is this ok by you?  We as a country cannot afford healthcare, yet billions hemorrhage out of the country every year.
• If you believe in foreign aid, send the money yourself. It's your money - do what you want with it. I never decided or ok'd or voted for my money going out of the country (or to most of what happens in the country).
• Which Congresspersons take the most money from pro-Israel PACs? An estimate of total aid to Israel - $138 billion. The Israeli-Palestine conflict has cost American taxpayers $3 trillion. I am not picking on Israel specifically - this is just the most egregious example of our money being squandered without really knowing it. Isn't it about time to keep our money at home, where it belongs, along with our military?
• If the American taxpayer had any real idea of what is being taken and where it goes, there would be rioting in the streets. After we turned the Kardashians off and finished our beers.

If you have been to Applebee's this year, look over your card's transactions. Point of Sale malware was discovered mid February.  Most US restaurants were hit, but if you paid online or using self-pay tabletop devices, you're ok. Look over your transactions anyway - it's good practice.

• Even more to look forward to in England: a Member of Parliament thinks wolf-whistling, catcalling and unwanted attention on public transportation should be reportable as hate crimes. Be careful letting them know how you feel, lest you be reported for a hate crime.

Had to pick up some meds at the local pharmacy. Mrs lefty says some of the people there piss her off. Really? I get great service there. Oh well... Walking up to the counter, the nice lady asked for my name. I gave it to her, then mentioned Mrs lefty too. She said ok.  She rang me up and gave me a total. Once again, I asked for meds for Mrs lefty too.

She stood there a second too long. I could see a lone wheel turning. I could smell the winter fragrance of twigs burning, along with the plastic bags from the leaves. She probably has some sort of illness from too much plastic bag burning. Finally it hit her, in Extra Slow Motion, that there were two customers sharing a last name. She pulled up the bag, stopped again, and said there were more. At least we were moving forward, I thought to myself. Finally I managed to pay and  escape the place. I suspect her boss was monitoring her performance... I couldn't see him but I heard anguished cries from the back room.

When you send an email with two questions, only the first one will be answered. It's the rules and I didn't make them. When you call someone, they're not really listening after Hello.  Try this: next time you call someone, after they answer, say, "I'm going to murder your pets Hi Bob, how's it going?" Next time at the pharmacy, I'll say to her, "Hey, those are some prodigious tits Can I have meds for the leftystrats, please?"

Around the Dial

things heard on tv or radio

• "...he believes that there's a sub-atomic particle, not yet discovered by science, called the pyrotron, that crashes into another particle", causing spontaneous human combustion.
• Is that motorcycle helmet New Zealand/Australia certified?
• "Oh no" duhhh duhhhh - a 'special' dog mascot for a UK insurer
• yur INE als (urinals)

Does advertising reflect reality? Is it manipulated? Is there an agenda besides selling you things? 

I ask because I'm starting to see mixed-race relationships on commercials. This is an interesting item to me because it's never been on tv. It is also antagonizing to some of the alt-right, who see it as an agenda. If the alt-right is getting itself into a tizzy over this, they better stay away from UK tv, where it's absolutely normal. Their heads will explode when they observe the black and white lesbian couple selling whatever they're selling. One was in the bath and the other was sitting on the toilet, clothed. It's amusing to watch groups lose their Stuff over things like this.

What would be interesting to me is UK advertisers using attractive women to sell something. They certainly live up to their stereotype.

• It's not that I don't trust manufacturers and users, but I don't trust manufacturers and users. I've written of flaws that allow Bad People to access things like pacemakers. Here's a related matter: researchers found vulnerabilities in a machine used to access and adjust pacemakers. Apparently the software used to run it is full of holes. The manufacturer was notified, and took its time in fixing the flaws. Meanwhile the machines were vulnerable, hence the pacemakers too.  Now apply this to The Cloud and Internet of Things. This is the future of security.

Best Headline:

Zebra hit, killed by car near Ostrich Festival

• Ask yourself this question: does the world need Neil Diamond tribute bands?

The staff and hopefully readership of ThermionicEmissions would like to thank the SE PA weather forecasters for another dead-accurate feat of prognostication. The rumblings started early this time. Talk was over 6" at least. Philadelphia closed schools a day in advance and went to Emergency Mode, where all cars had to be removed from the street on Snow Emergency Routes. This is a very important step for Philadelphia, as it needs to keep routes unobstructed for cleaning and emergency traffic. Also, the Parking Authority loads up on fines and towing fees. The store shelves were picked clean and there were lines of 13 per lane. Full Panic<tm> was in effect.

The forecasts stated that the snow would start the night before. In an exceedingly rare occurrence, they were correct. By the next morning, it was coming down hard. The flakes were huge and wet, adding up to 2" per hour, which is really A Lot Of Snow. After getting the mail, I looked like half a snowman. Marshall, being black, looked like the Abominable Snow Span.

The snow continued for a while, stopping just short of their forecast of 12" or more. And when I say just short, I mean about 2-3" total.

On one hand, we're all glad this wasn't worse. Extricating the cars will be less heart attack inducing (remember - the highest incidence of heart attacks is after shoveling, so don't).

On the other hand, most women will tell you 2-3" ain't 12", with a far-away look in their eyes.

On the third hand, if the local weather forecasters said it will be light sometime in the next 24 hours, I wouldn't put money on it.

Concrete Windows

According to Reuters, the US military aid to Israel will be at least $38 billion. That's billion, with a B.
This needs to be stopped. Stop the money flowing to any country. Lower taxes. You wanna send aid? Go ahead and contribute voluntarily.

• Two US bombers flew over South Korea in a show of force. No one told them it was North Korea which fired off a nuclear bomb.

Is the transgender bathroom brouhaha a distraction or a significant need? How many transgendered people would this impact? Can they use current washrooms? One of my disabled buddies was against making every concrete corner into a ramp.  I have no position as yet: you tell me.

• Bradley/Chelsea Manning has been approved for a sex change. Tell me, why is it easier for a psychiatrist to order a sex change than to get his patient out of solitary confinement?

In the Ultimate Irony Department: Hillary will be featured on the cover of Womens Health magazine.

• Good news for iDevices: iOS 10 is rolling out. Bad news for iDevices: iSO 10 is rolling out. There are reports that the 'upgrade' is bricking phones. As with any upgrade/update, wait for the bugs to be worked out (not that any of us here use iDevices)

Basic Security: do NOT plug a found USB drive into your computer. At best, it'll be harmless. At worst, it will literally fry your computer. It could have a less harmful virus. In any case, Just Don't Do It.

• are you a Last.fm user? 43 million passwords 'leaked'.  Change your password NOW.

Yeah, I'm late to the party, but my advice is solid: if your phone supports wireless charging, invest in a charger. 

• An Indian media company has launched a Spanish-language Bollywood film channel. In the US. Because demand has been outta site. There's too much here to come up with the appropriate slur.

Top US military and national security officials stated that climate change is a 'significant and direct' threat to the US military. Unfortunately, they can't find a country to invade over it.

• An old guy shot three people at a senior citizens complex in Cheyenne, Wyoming. This proves we need common sense legislation around septuagenarians with guns. 

The tank made its debut 100 years ago. About the only good thing it did was to allow Joe Walsh to ride down Hollywood Boulevard with one. I'd like one for my lawn but my locality has a specific ordinance against tanks on lawns, hurriedly enacted just after I moved there.

• Hopefully this won't (or will) be helpful: if your older relative goes nuts, it might be something as simple as a urinary tract infection. It's easy to diagnose and easier to treat. A UTI can look like dementia.

Many people may not realise the beer in their pint glass contains isinglass, a gelatin derived from the swim bladders of fish. Drink up!

He Reminds Me of a Penguin

In a move that has rocked the entire northern hemisphere (and parts of New Jersey), President Obama has 'extended the Afghan military presence.'  Support our troops - bring them home.

• The US State Department suggests that Israel might be using excessive force to confront a wave of Palestinian stabbings. Israel is not amused. Meanwhile, US state program to put police in armored personnel carriers with automatic weapons to shoot pet dogs and random others is on track for the year.

Technology scares the hell out of people, survey finds. Survey also reveals that it's cold in the winter and Rosie Perez's voice can peel the paint off cars.

• PUMPKINS? What in the universe is up with pumpkin? Yes, we're approaching that season, but this is excessive. Pumpkin coffee (my wife's favorite at Dunkin Donuts), pumpkin bread, pumpkin beer, other pumpkin baking products, pumpkin alcohols and pumpkin sex toys. I see it all over the place - my wife assures me it's been going on all along. Yet more proof that I either don't care or don't get out much (both, most likely).

If you're not paranoid about your privacy, you're crazy. Don't rely on my rantings - read this article and see for yourself. Read this sitting down.

• I said gum, stupid!  A Kyle, Texas, student caused mass panic when he asked someone for some gum and another student heard gun. A letter had to go home to all parents, explaining the situation.  PANIC!!!

The male brain is programmed to seek out sex over food. ....and to whom is this news? Our Central Processing Unit is centrally located.

• A man dressed as a priest stripped down and performed 'a sexual act' on the altar stage. Police and the church are looking for the man (he forgot to fill out his job application).

A Minnesota man killed his 84 year old grandmother for blowing her nose at the dinner table. Manners - use them or die.

• PLANE JUSTICE: Things got interesting on an Aer Lingus (that sounds dirty) flight, when a man bit another passenger then died. Not to be outdone, a Southwest traveler choked another passenger for reclining a seat. Any of us who have flown will agree that choking is too good for people who do this, as well as parents with screaming babies.

CIA Director John Brennan had a secret AOL account. SURPRISE - it got hacked. Now let's get serious here - in the first place, no one with any clearance at all should have an AOL account. Second, the guy is a CIA Director. Where do we get these people? But wait - there's more! Homeland Security Secretary Jeh Johnson's Comcast account was also hacked by the same miscreant. These poeple are 'protecting' us. Do ya feel protected today, punk - DO YA? You will notice that the hacker got in trouble, not the people who are supposed to know better. So there's Hillary, John, and Jeh - it sounds like a really bad 60's folk group.

• MATH TIME: 

• The federal penalty for not having health insurance will rise in 2016 to $695 or 2% of income.
• For the subsidized, taxpayer subsidies pay roughly 70% of monthly premiums 
• The subsidized pay roughly $100 per month
• I pay over $100 per week (with a $5,500 deductible) 
• If I just pay the $695 penalty, it would pay for itself in under two months and I'd still wind up paying for my own visits, just as if I had a $5,500 deductible.
• These blithering Keystone Kops were supposed to fix health insurance. It is broken beyond measure.

NATIONAL HISPANIC MONTH: So it's National Hispanic month, as you can tell from the bold letters that started this. Take it from me, ok?  I work in an interesting place, which shares but a few oddities from the last VERY interesting place, one being Happenings. Both places have public-ish spots where they host events. Events at the old place included dances, fashion shows, and beauty pageants. The newer place seems to have its share of events but I haven't gotten a feel for what they are. Until yesterday. I was walking down the hall, minding my own business, when it became impossible to continue minding my own business, due to the insistent, LOUD, semi-rhythmic pounding on a drum. I was half aghast and half amused. My coworker just shook his head and said, "National Hispanic Month." Due to the flyers strewn about, I agreed. Then I saw the drummer and the featured entertainment: a scantily-clad guy with a cardboard Indian headdress. He was chanting HUH HUH HUH HUH, the way you'd chant it to an insistent, LOUD drum. I turned to my coworker and told him I just knew someone was going to be offended by this. The problem, at this point, was figuring out who.

Meanwhile, I still can't get National Guitar Month, National Left-Handers Month, or National Left-Handed Guitarist Month flyers or events or corporate-wide emails.

• Federal tax collected set a new record this year, at $3,248,723,000,000. That's $21,833 per working person. Yet we have a $438,900,000,000 deficit. This is what happens when you vote republican or democrat. This is why they're two sides of the same coin. Go ahead and argue R vs D - you're gonna get screwed either way (except the dems will insist you get free lube, then raise taxes to pay for it and the reps will require lube, benefitting their lube donor corporations). See where your tax dollars are going.

The Vatican is denying that the pope has a small tumor. Gee, I wonder who could have started that rumor...

• TODAY's QUOTE: “One cannot be exposed to the law and order of the universe without concluding that there must be design and purpose behind it all. And kill the Jews.”
  Wernher von Braun

TECH

Tighten up and secure your browser(s). All browsers, all operating systems.
NOW.

TUNES

Today's special is on another wunderkind: Jonny Lang. He started very young, in the Stevie Ray Vaughan mold and the hits kept coming. Jonny was a part of Experience Hendrix, which we attended last year.

The first time I heard Lie to Me, I wondered if it was a Joe Cocker song I had somehow missed. This little dude has a voice like an old, whiskey-soaked veteran. A buddy said the veins on the side of his neck looked like they were going to pop when he sang. And he can play! The little bastard has his own Fender signature guitar.

Breakin' Me is a nice mid-tempo song. Here's a live version.

Still Rainin' is another groove-filled romp, complete with cool female background vocals.

What did you expect to find on Mars?