Tuna and Peanut Butter Chili

 

Your love is like  picking a hayride, on a blind date, only to discover you're allergic to hay.

We seem to be having a sports war on tv. We know I'm not a sports guy, but if you've been in front of the Idiot Box at all, you know it's Medicare Open Season. This is the time of year when people are allowed to shoot Medicare recipients. We've been watching the Joe Namath Network, wherein every 5 minutes, Joe pops up on a commercial, talking about Medicare. After 30 or 40 of these, you've about had it, when you notice a commercial featuring Joe Thiesman talking about Medicare. If you watch carefully, you'll eventually catch a commercial featuring Mike Ditka talking about Medicare. It's a full blown Medicare Football Riot. As best I can tell, if you go with a different Medicare insurer, you get free hernia checks, free rides to free hernia checks, and 4 free colonoscopies per year, as well as your choice of Joe Namath, Joe Thiesman, or Mike Ditka. I'd go with Joe Namath, because he's like 94, with jet black hair and new teeth.

lefty's Guide to Voting Machines 

If you haven't mailed off your absentee ballot and you are keen to get out there and vote, you'll need to understand the machines. They're very simple, and I want to make them less simple for everybody, so they can get out there and stay out there a little longer... like a patriotic pain you need to keep touching, even though you shouldn't:

• the R button: indicates the vote was influenced by the Russians
• the F button: similar to the R button, it indicates you get your voting information from Faceyspaces, and shouldn't be allowed near a voting machine
• the C button: shows you stand out from the crowd and get your voting information from China instead of Russia
• the M button: indicates you're part of a Minority group and your vote should count more. It does nothing, but makes you feel (More) superior
• the BLM button: also does nothing, but everything seems to have BLM on it somewhere, and we can't afford to have our polling place burned down please
• the L button: informs the machine's developers you want a left handed voting machine next time - Left Handed Lives Matter
• the Fo button: it's not what you think.. it asks why there's no Food in this here jawn- at least I get a donut when I give blood
• the D button: this is all a bad Dream
• the S button: I don't understand why people are voting for that guy - they're all Savages
• the SP button: could you please change the language to English - I don't know Spanish
• the K button: Kill everyone who doesn't vote like me
• the W button: WTF am I doing here? Why didn't I mail my ballot? I could have stayed home with Wine
• on the way out, there's the FA button: it tests you for the Flying AIDS

Waymo and Daimler vow to bring self-driving trucks to American highways

You'll notice they're not bringing them to Germany, home of Daimler. It should be a real blast on the Autobahn.

The beauty of a self-driving truck is that you don't have to worry about getting out alive if it hits you. 

Today I identify as a hornswagglin' sidewinder

• There's a new site called Blacklight, which will tell you which trackers a site uses. Just put in the site's url and go. Check out a few of your favorite sites.

Think about this:

The Federal Trade Commission (FTC) received almost 2 million complaints from Americans regarding illegal robocalls during the first nine months of 2020.

and this... 

the FTC brought roughly 150 enforcement actions against over 500 companies and 400 individuals since the National Do Not Call Registry started accepting registrations 17 years ago.

It's getting so bad, my service elephant, Iqbal, is getting depressed because he misses the guitar stores too. Even just a mall...

• Here's an important announcement about diabetes: don't get it

We all have that morning: the one where the alarm goes off and you scream like you're in a horror movie. This morning I was dreaming and the alarm went off. It's not like I was having the Vanessa Hudgens dream, or the one where Jimmy Page and I were jamming onstage... it was just a dream. Then the alarm went off, followed by The Scream. It didn't bother Mrs lefty, who puts up with a lot worse on a normal basis. I think I have added power sawing to my sleep talents. This is kinda sad, as I can't do it when I'm awake.

Everybody's stomach growls, even mine. Mine, however, has taken to making noises that don't sound like growls, and it's a bit worrisome. Sometimes it sounds like a cat. We haven't had a cat for a long time. Sometimes almost like a device notification sound. I work with approximately 10 devices that make notification sounds, so that's a bit hairy... I have to keep looking around for which one made that noise.

Oh.

My stomach, like the rest of me, is a wiseass. It's making noises to throw me off and annoy me. It can almost do actual words. You know this is about to become a problem... like a parrot, but with an evil sense of humor....

HER: Are you hungry?

ME: A bit, yes.

STOMACH: MAKE. FOOD. WOMAN.

HER: Huh?

ME: I'm sorry, remember I told you about my stomach? Like everything else in this house, it has a sense of humor.

HER: What do you think we should have?

ME: I was thinking of making something with chicken and vegetables.

STOMACH: BURGERS. BITCH. With BACON.

HER: That was funny the first 23 times.

ME: It's not like I control it.

HER: Sometimes I wonder. Well, it started something - now the kids are screaming for bacon burgers too. You better get at it. Heh heh.

STOMACH: COOKING. WOMAN. JOB.

DOG: Yes - Mommy Mommy Mommy makes it better!

HER: You shut up or no more shrimp treats. Since when do you talk?

DOG: Since you said bacon burgers.

ME: So, I'll just cook the bacon burgers, shall I?

EVERYBODY: YAY!

STOMACH: NOW.

Can't I just be weird in more... normal.. ways?

• To my cousins across the Atlantic: Police will enter homes and break up Christmas dinners if families break lockdown rules - and there will be riots, predicts police commissioner.
• This obviously didn't come from the police. Further, how can they suspect this is going on in a closed house?
• If I were you, I wouldn't want to hear 'but it's for the children' or any other common excuse: once this draconian legislation goes into effect, it won't be repealed. Perhaps some sort of (well-behaved... you're British, you know) riot would be in order.

OH F-CK.... Beverly Hills will close Rodeo Drive on election day and the next day. Well, that about does it. After a long day socially distancing and paying somebody else to vote for you, one needs to go shopping. Rich people will riot! The rest of us will shout, "ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS FOR A T-SHIRT?" like we always do.

Ghislane Maxwell, buddy and part time sperm depository for Jeffrey Epstein, is being strip-searched every 3 hours to prevent a suicide attempt.

That's a rather unique way to deal with a suicidal inmate. Whether you're at the Happy Place<tm> or elsewhere, on suicide watch, someone checks on you every 15 minutes. They must be incredibly serious about Miss Maxwell. Quite frankly, I like this method of avoiding suicide. And hunger. And itchy nose. ThermionicEmissions obtained a copy of the guards' log for the other day:

Noon: strip search, results negative except for fancy bra, evaluating for hanging risk

3:00pm: strip search, results negative except for lacy panties, evaluating for hanging risk.

3:05: turned off all prison video systems to save money

3:10: moved Prisoner Maxwell to random cell, with 100% soundproofing

3:15: extended dinner on Long Island. We locked the prison up, didn't we?

7:00: strip search, results negative, requests tampon, must evaluate strangulation risk, blood on floor - call medics

7:05: turn off electricity to wing to save money

7:10 moved prisoner Maxwell to random cell

7:15 prisoner Maxwell complains about video camera not working, piano wire on door, rope coming from ceiling. Assured her it's Standard Operating Procedure with suicide risks. Told her that because she's built up so much trust, we were extending strip search to 12 hours between. Prisoner Maxwell passed out - call medics.

 

 

• A security guard was stabbed 27 times after asking 2 sisters to wear masks
• I could be wrong, but I don't think they wanted to wear masks 

My coffee company just notified me they're making the boxes smaller, from 16 cups to 10 cups, to streamline my experience. To go all Twitter on them, WTF is even streamlining my experience? My coffee experience is opening the box, putting the cup in the coffee maker, then drinking it. How does this need to be streamlined, and can it be streamlined? I mean, if Julia Roberts were to start the machine, that would be lovely, but I'm not sure that qualifies as streamlining. If Julia were to make the coffee and bring it to me, that would count as streamlining, but the coffee company did not offer this: they just reduced the cup count from 16 to 10. Since this did not really streamline my experience nor involve Julia Roberts, perhaps I need to rethink my coffee purchasing.... and they need to rethink their definition of streamlining...

It's not National Suicide Prevention Month, officially, but it's always suicide prevention time. Every 30-some seconds, somebody commits suicide. Talk to someone - the fact is you don't have to feel this way. Suicide Hotlines, vet hotlines, city or county mental health, family, priest or similar, friends, hell - email me if you're really stuck.

it might be time to re-evaluate your work choices

Your Love is Like a Heatwave?

Here we are, day 2(?) of our particularly nasty heatwave.
Yesterday I did dishes next to the open window. It was so hot outside that I had to run my hands under hot water to cool down.

A good deal of the potential damage from the heat is psychological. No, really.... Mrs lefty was already up and worried at 7am, that she was going to dehydrate and sweat to death in the heat. With typical logic (NO!), I suggested she not go out.

Heh heh.

"But I have to go to Sal's," she offered.

Are the places you need to go that important?

"Well, there's Sal's and Home Repo is across the street."

Let me see if I have this right: you're worried about going out in the oppressive heat but have to go to the deli - it's an emergency.

"Yes. I'm out of the XXXX-Rated stuff."

You can get that online. Or so I hear.

"No, you pervert, the cheese."


Mrs lefty likes her sharp provolone. I save the effort of remembering which cheese it is by simply calling it Sock Cheese. It smells like dirty gym socks, marinated for an entire season in fish oil. When she puts it on something she's eating, I have to eat in the next county so I don't get ill. It's nauseating.

So you're running out in 100 degree temps, that partially disable you, to get cheese. Has Idiot Governor dubbed it Essential?

"No, *I* have dubbed it essential. Besides, I have to go to Home Repo too."

They don't sell cheese there, right?

"No I need a few things."

[Uh-oh. A few things can be anything from seeds to a lawn tractor.]

And are there any shoe stores anywhere between Home Repo and our house?

"I promise....."

[Uh-oh...]



Missouri governor's comments on the Flying AIDS and children:

“These kids have got to get back to school,” Parson told Cox. “They’re at the lowest risk possible. And if they do get COVID-19, which they will — and they will when they go to school — they’re not going to the hospitals. They’re not going to have to sit in doctor’s offices. They’re going to go home and they’re going to get over it.”

Wow.
P.S. homeschool




3 weeks ago, I ordered some parts online. One package showed up in a few days. It was in a tiny plastic bag, in an envelope that would hold cinderblocks. The 2nd tiny plastic bag arrived 3 weeks later, from California.

Huh?
I check where the parts ship from to make sure it's not China, because I don't want to wait the lifetime of a Siberean hamster to get them. These shipped from California. Has the Flying AIDS halted shipping? Or has the Flying AIDS halted shipping out of California? Has Idiot Governor Newsom enacted a law installing a wait time before shipping anything? I have literally gotten packages faster from China. Tiny electronic parts.



It Continues....

Federal judge's son, 20, is shot dead and her criminal defense attorney husband is critically injured after a gunman disguised as a FedEx driver ambushed their home - four days after she was assigned a case linked to Jeffrey Epstein

This case dealt with money laundering and a specific bank.   
The most frightened person on the face of the Earth has to be Ghislane. Not only is she in jail, but she won't get a hearing til next year. Any bets?




Indonesia is trying to crack down on bride kidnapping, where women are kidnapped for marriage. Good for Indonesia - marriage is frightening enough when you volunteer for it.



A Vaccine!

We're starting to hear about a Flying AIDS vaccine.
Beware quick miracle vaccines. Any vaccine for any malady would take a long time to come up with, then a longer time to go through clinical trials. This is science fact.




Just sayin....

"I heard on Wendy about....."

Stop. Not interested.

"I was just sayin....blah blah blah."

The problem with 'just sayin' is that you don't stop sayin....




Sexual Harassment in the Workplace
a how-to

• Always remember: workplace sexual harassment is only harassment if it's unwanted.
• One corporate manual forbade sexual 'looks.'  But only when accompanied by a tongue sticking more than 1/2" out of the mouth.
• Most organizations have completely eliminated sexual harassment: everyone works at home. This causes an undue burden on the harassers, who have to come up with new and more creative ways to harass.
• Begging for oral favors is not harassment, because it's not a condition of work. It's more of an annoyance.
• If you feel you are being harassed, contact your supervisor (or social media). This is not recommended, because you know what happens to whistleblowers... snitches get stitches.
• The Americans with Disabilities Act doubly forbids harassment of people with disabilities. This came as a shock to the people with disabilities, who would like a little harassment now and then.

My Nigerian great-grandfather sold slaves
Ooh, that's gonna be inconvenient for the SJWs....




SJW Follies

Seattle Councilmember Lisa Herbold suggests SPD fire white cops

Kinda Captivity - Peanut Butter Steering Wheels

I'm typing this on the new laptop. See System76 on the front page.


Pieces of Precarious Penguin Poo can shoot 4 feet.
I thought you needed to know.



2020 Has not gone well, he said, in his typical British understatement, even though he's not British. I would like to have a do-over. Let's have a New Year's Eve, right after our July 4th, and just do it normally, ok?


Annnnnd here we go; a new swine flu.
I'm gonna give you free advice: don't fuck pigs.



An asteroid's moon just got a name, Dimorphos, so we could blow it up. It's not in danger of hitting the Earth: we're just testing our ability to blow things up. Perhaps this is the reason the aliens don't make themselves known: they're afraid of Earth trying to blow them up. We're a screwed-up little planet.



Elon Musk is starting a school.
He's also starting a car wash, nail salon, sex change one-stop, and drive-thru oral gratification service. He's a man ahead of his time. And with too much time.


Homework assignment: How can BLM tear down Mt. Rushmore?


STOP and take notice: soap is racist, because of a Christian sermon and being used to cleanse African people of their sins.

This is definitely going to cause a problem.



Sooo...... who got the government bailouts this time?
Read them and weep.


RIP Charlie Daniels (83) from a stroke

RIP Ennio Morricone (91), changed the sound of movies



Ghislane Maxwell, pal of Jeffrey Epstein, is in jail. Her lawyer says she's in danger and might kill herself or be silenced. The attorney suggested she could shoot herself 12 times in the back of the head and hide the gun. She could handcuff herself behund her back, then inject herself with poison. She could open an investigation into the death of Vince Foster. She could become suicidally depressed over the video system in her cell being broken. She could cry out that the guys with the guns can't get into her cell block. The problem is that no one will sit in her cell on suicide watch, fearing they too will be suicided.

Voluntary Captivity

If you're bored and happen to have an Alexa, Siri, or Google Assistant hanging around, here are 1,000 phrases that 'false trigger' them...


The US has purchased the world stock of Flying AIDS drug Remdesivir.
Little is known about the drug, which may or may not treat the Flying AIDS, on several days of the week, but at least we own it all now, nyah nyah.


According to the Detroit police chief, facial recognition software misidentified 96% of the time, which is "good enough for us."


Happy 4th to everyone!
People died so you would have social media. Thank them.




Don't forget about your unconscious bias.
You know... the bias you have against certain groups, of which you're not aware.

A recent study revealed that 95% of people had an unconscious bias against people pointing guns at them. The Union to Destroy Unconscious Bias said this was unconscionable and would work diligently to remove this stigma on people who just happen to be carrying weapons. The Union further said this is a particularly nasty bias if the weapon-holder is black. They suggest that if you encounter a black person pointing a gun at you, you should give him everything you have, even taking him to your house and giving him everything you have there too, to atone for your unconscious bias, white guilt, and the lack of reparations. Perhaps if you admit your bias and give up all your worldly possessions, the person with the gun won't shoot you. You must understand their struggle.

The Anti Defamation League is revving its engines, figuring out how to get in on the Guilt Thing.  They have seen what black people are able to accomplish and believe they can rise to the occasion, after the black people are done, and take advantage of Guilt. What the ADL is not counting on is Guilt Fatigue. This is when the crackers give and give and give, so they have nothing else. They're not interested in hearing more guilt: the black people have worn them out.


I need all my readers to get on this: visitors to national parks are still over 70% white. We cannot let this go unanswered.



I was bored, so I thought I'd go out surfing to find some new stuff.
I finally found the solution to all net boredom: find the lists of sites to be blocked for children and visit the sites it recommends. There are porn new sites I never heard of!



Hillary Clinton mourns the upcoming suicide of Ghislane Maxwell, associate of Jeffrey Epstein.




GUITAR CONTENT

So, that Tech 21 Fly Rig from ebay..... it had a little trouble, in the form of motorboating or oscillating. Whenever I turned the gain up, the thing started making noises. At one point, it was so bad, the box seemed to have a built in tremolo. It was a pretty cool box, when it wasn't motorboating. It had 2 preamp sections, Tech 21 and Plexi. Tech 21 sounded like any old tube amp, but with a master volume. Plexi sounded a little like a Marshall, plus it had a boost on a separate switch. It had delay and reverb, but the reverb was only available with the Tech 21 setting, which I found odd.

Since the rest of the Fly Rigs are pretty expensive, I'm looking around for something else. Doug Aldrich has a signature distortion pedal out for about $100, that seems to do everything from light boost to distortion. I'm leaning this way. There are over 14 billion different overdrive/distortion pedals. If you don't believe me, check ebay. Some are just rebranded, like Mooer and all the rest. Just in case you're asking, a $90 Mooer is not going to sound just like a $400 whatever it's attempting to be, but it can get close. Your best bet is to head to YouTube to listen for a demo. That Pedal Show is really good. Their Dumble shootout was very interesting.



ROME — Pope Francis told members of the Catholic Press Association Tuesday that the media should build bridges, defend life, and help people, especially the young, “to distinguish good from evil.”  Because we're very busy molesting little boys.