No, really.
It's a shame people are completely unaware of the Marx Brothers. Clever stuff.
HEY YOU KIDS - GET OFF MY LAWN!
Having the digits in your age increment is a bitch.
Some of us don't actually age, age being how you feel. I never left 18.
Along with age comes a change in attitude(s).
For one thing, we become our parents (TURN THAT NOISE DOWN!), uttering some of the same phrases. More amusing might be our reaction to this, if we ever figure it out. Oh f-ck - my MOM used to yell that when I tested my amplifier's wattage claims. I had a Marshall amp, made in England. English watts are louder than American watts (I made that up; it infuriates purists and police, who I got to know on a first name basis).
Someone said I have Oppositional Defiant Disorder.
NO I DON'T.
Seems more a behavior than a disorder. Might also have something to do with the quality of drugs consumed by the group that puts together the Big Book of Psychological Phrases. This, in turn, is affected by the quality of drugs seized from the public. It's a great feedback system for monitoring drug quality. If only Big Pharma applied a similar system...
Did I say our attitudes change?
My brother was the most liberal fella you'd want to meet (in a good way). Live and let live. All of the sudden he had a wife, kids, violin lessons, and a house that was bigger inside than out. All of the sudden he was conservative. The change was surprising and amusing to poke at him with. That's what brothers are for. And coworkers. And people you pass on the street. Complete strangers you meet when you misdial.
I wonder if we might be looking at this from an incorrect perspective... instead of changing attitudes, perhaps we keep our attitudes and the world changes, for better or worse (usually worse). The car stereo that was one of the coolest things in the universe has been replaced by a half decent factory stereo with more speakers than you've got sphincters (there are over 51 of them in the human body, more if you're a politician). So now you can have great disdain for those kids that run around designing their car around their stereo system. They have competitions, in which the one with the highest decibel level wins. Some are so loud, contestants don't sit in the car during measurements. Nobody explained to them that humongous woofers require a certain volume, cabinet, and distance to work up to spec. Some cabinets do not become effective until you're 15' in front of them. This might explain why the driver sometimes steers from in front of the hood, like some weird sort of DNA-impaired fire engine with louder noise.
Ah yes... changing attitudes.
If you're cursed to live in an area with winter, you'll remember your dad decreeing that you will NOT turn up the heater: you WILL put on a sweatshirt. And now, that's exactly what you do. This is one of the reasons I want to move to the Southwest: not so much to avoid winter (yes it is), but to avoid sounding like my dad. Of course I mean Dad in the generic sense: mine passed away early, so sounding like him would present more difficulties than it was worth.
Remember your teens?
All you thought about was sex. Because you loved it. Because you wanted more. Because you wanted some. This is the way we're designed.. the hormones release, in preparation for propagating the species. Unfortunately there was a tiny line of DNA missed in the program: the one that allows anyone to breed. You know where that got us. In any case, we snuck around, fooled around, found any place we could, osculated in public, and took matters in our own hands way too much. Now any of those activities are disgusting, especially if they're your kids. Not permitted... why, when I was your age, I waited til I got married before sex. Same for drinking (13) and drugs (15). I also walked up a hill, both ways, in the snow, for 15 miles, to get a glass of water before walking uphill to get to school, 35' underground, to save on air conditioning.
We had a crazy old lady, whose lawn you dared not LOOK at, no less cross.
Next door, I have a crazy old lady, 439 this year, who I caught edging my lawn, because "you don't do it right." Ok, maybe that's not so good an illustration. I had to threaten her that I'd have the city remove her from my property if she ever cursed it with her presence again. Of course all the neighbors saw was the long-haired lunatic, screaming at a poor helpless old lady. My next Great Idea is to have the lawn grow to crazy levels, so she'll mow it for us.
In your car (a real bomb with wheels), you madly and loudly ran up and down the street. No one knows why. Now you call the police on anybody doing over 25 on the street - HEY IDIOT... YOU MIGHT RUN OVER A CHILD!!! I don't even like kids.
You were embarrassed by your parents putting out signs on the lawn... political, causes, or just stuff they put there specifically to embarrass their kids. We shall not even mention my Libertarian sign during the election, or those misguided "Hate Doesn't Live Here" signs. Or even your American flag or "Save the Texas Prairie Chicken" stickers on your door (very inside Monkees reference).
Your music, of course, was 'real music' - not that shit they play today. Some person talking over a drum machine. You call that music? It's not even in English. Imma do it like dis, Imma do it like dat.... The interesting thing about this is that many young persons agree with you. They are, of course, correct.
Speaking of mowing, you wanted nothing to do with it, even though it was your job and your parents gently reminded you, at daily intervals. Now that you're in your own house, you hate mowing even more you are pretty particular about your house not looking like the rainforest (even if your weather is similar).
And that explains how I found myself in the Caribbean with this 18 year old. Like dear old Dad.
IMPORTANT
The shooting at the Pittsburgh synagogue was sick and barbaric. Oddly enough, the sicko who perpetrated it didn't hide his great love for the Jews: in fact, he mentioned it a lot on social media.
Speaking of hate on social media, one of his outlets was GAB, of which I'm a member. GAB took a serious hit because of this, with their provider telling them to go elsewhere and Paypal refusing to do business with them (I cut out Paypal after this).
You will notice that his presence on Twitter was not the target of providers or financial concerns. GAB has been threatened like this since it started to get a larger and larger amount of users, mostly sick of Twitter throwing out people on the right.
If you think about it, Andrew Torba, GAB's founder, has cojones the size of large countries, fighting social media giants and most of the internet facilities. There will be some downtime, while they rebuild and get situated with their new provider. This is all because GAB's message is Free Speech. No one is thrown off, not even disgusting antisemites and nazis, because free speech includes speech with which you disagree. I block these people(?) and have a good time, interacting with the good people (95% of GAB). Been there for years. The 5% cause it to get a bad reputation, along with the fact that it's hard right. This is popular free speech, regardless of political leanings. As a libertarian, I'm tolerated on Twitter, so long as I don't malign certain groups or use 'hate speech'. Hate speech is a fallacy: all speech is speech.
We should all be concerned about this, whether or not we align politically. This brouhaha is about GAB refusing to toe the politically correct line. Do you seriously want this in the US? Because next time, it will be your favorite network. Support free speech for everyone. Join. Speak. Contribute. Do what you want with the bad apples. Remember: I'm not hard right, but I like it there.
I was late to the party on the shootings, so I made light of GAB on GAB:
100% of GAB is horrified by this terrible, deliberate attack.
95% because of the act.
5% because they didn't kill more of them.
In any case, remember Free Speech applies to everyone, except inciting or performing violent acts. GAB immediately notified the FBI and shared what they had on the shooter's account, after closing it permanently,.
- When I get really bored, the wife and I dress up like firemen, complete with oxygen tanks, and walk through tall buildings. It has a certain amusing effect on people.
It's not so much that tv networks are scraping the bottom of the barrel... it's more like they've gone through the barrel and are tunnelling down into the earth's crust. The latest example is a show about second hand wedding dresses. Not only does everybody get their 15 minutes; so do their clothes. I'm pitching a series about my dirty socks.
- My body is revolting. Yes, I've heard that for years, but I mean revolting in the sense that there's a riot happening. This new, healthier way of eating has caused Internal Agita. The imaginary hordes are massing; yelling and waving swords. They're rightfully pissed about not getting chocolate for breakfast, dessert, dinner, and snacks. I wouldn't be surprised if I found myself being held hostage at the grocery store: buy a ton of candy or you'll eat nothing and waste away, like some new, tragic form of anorexia. Chocolate Anorexia.
- If the SJWs ever read this blog, they'd nail me to wood - at very least for my appropriation of serious maladies.
- As my wife's real internal hordes tell me, "You just make it up as you go along, don't you."
Did you forget your secondary cell phone?
Do you have any idea what a secondary cell phone is?
Our friends at Verizon have introduced the Palm (no relation to the original Palm, which I had and loved). It's a device that you have to purchase with your main phone: it isn't available separately.
The Palm phone is a device that you can add on to your Verizon plan, which shares your phone number. It’s a phone designed for you to use on the weekends, when you’re going out for the evening, or just generally when you want to be a little less distracted by your big phone with all its apps. That said, it runs a full version of Android 8.1 and all the apps from the Google Play Store.
So it's a phone that rings on the same number your main phone does, which you can use on weekends, perhaps as Phone Lite. Because your main phone has all its apps. They're so intimidating, like, well, a phone with all its apps. Because you spend all your free time installing apps that you don't need and will never use. More importantly, you must ask yourself if the Palm has enough SD space for all your pr0n, or is there a slot for another SD card.
You can now get away from your cell phone.
By using another cell phone.
The Palm is $349, which is more than some people spent for their phone itself. So you have purchased another phone that's better than your main phone, to jet about on the weekends or on party nights with the Clintons in Chappaquiddick. Pretty soon everyone will have one. You won't be able to even get in to a party without one. This is clearly a product that doesn't need to exist. It's without a mandate. Not even for people who have too much money. Maybe for iDevice users who want to keep one foot in android.
There's another model for the security conscious, which will self-destruct and take out every cell phone within a 20' radius, called the NA-Palm.
The Palm will become so popular, you'll need a backup. This is when your real phone will come in handy, with all its apps.
- Welcome to the home of Weird Stuff, where things 'happen'.
- I bought 2 new, left handed guitar picks (yes, they exist). Within one week, one made it across the room on the floor; the other went to a different room entirely, and hid under a desk.
- The hedge trimmer remains in the bathroom. I stopped questioning things years ago.
- Wife just went looking for her drill. She came back with two identical drills. We have no idea how we got two. Occasionally the Weird works for us.
UPDATE:
As I mention monthly, our quiet neighborhood refers only to the people, not the heavy equipment. I have never heard such a collection of saws, tree saws, metal saws, tree chunkers, backhoes (don't call me that), and screaming rodents. WTF is the difference between a mole and a vole? It's either the country they come from or someone is laughing at us, satisfied his little joke will outlive him by centuries.
Wait....
Oh, construction noise.
You'll love the way I stitched this together.......
The update is on the hedge trimmer in the bathroom. Extensive research proved it was there to be thrown out the window
- the great thing about sex with a cucumber is that when you're done, you can use it in a salad.
- Personally, I find that disgusting.. putting cucumbers in salad... bah.
So they says to me, they says, "lefty - you're a smart, attractive, cyber-intelligent fella - what advice do you have for election officials this season?"
- Don't get hacked.
- Dig the electronics out of the booths, with a chainsaw if necessary. Replace with paper.
- Do not plug anything into the net. Anything. Don't even use cell phones in the room.
- Don't get hacked.
- Secure everything electronic that has your name on it. Don't leave your buckets open for everybody and their fridge to see. Pretend you have important cat pictures there and secure it accordingly.
- November is the best month to travel.
- Don't get hacked.
- Plug any old USB you happen to find right into the voting machine itself.
- Accessing the secret web browser in the voting booths, surf for hacked commercial software on the Dark Net<tm>. Surfing is faster there because they don't install any annoying antivirus programs that slow things down.
- If someone who looks like Bill Clinton shows up in overalls, needing to 'adjust the machines,' let him do his business. He did a lot of work when he was in office.
- If someone who looks like Donald Rumsfeld shows up in overalls, needing to 'adjust the machines,' let him do his business. The man's been in DC since before Gerald Ford, who moved John F. Kennedy's wound six inches, requiring him to be doing a reverse aerial split in two places simultaneously to have been hit by the Magic Bullet<tm>.
- If you see anyone being accosted by screaming Dem and Rep staffers outside, rescue them by pulling them gently into the building. If you have to dislodge any staffer teeth, use the provided fireman's axe. Once the person is safe inside and commiserating with you, go over the voting instructions: close the curtain and pull the big switch up top that says Libertarian and they're all done! Think of how much time you're saving everyone.
If you have any questions you need answered, on any topic at all, feel free to leave them in the comments section. I'm here to serve.
- Tetris is 36 years old. The new Tetris champion is 16. Process that.
So those smart home 'assistants.' like Alexa and the others, have yet another listener to your activity: have a seat, you'll be shocked.. it's the government. In this article on demands, they lay out which companies have a transparency report, detailing the number of requests made by law enforcement or the state. Most don't, and don't really care.
Remember: as I told you, these are nothing more than listening devices... for Google or whichever to market to you, and your government to monitor you. How long did you think it would take? They've already been used in court. And you paid for the privilege by purchasing one.
- West Virginia is allowing people to use internet voting.
- What could possibly go wrong?
- I absolutely refuse to trade on the usual West Virginny jokes. Jokes like they just got computers but are not quite sure what to do with them. They tried putting them out on the lawn for a few weeks, but they were defective: they never worked when you plugged them in. They aren't doing well with email either.. instead of typing, they introduce themselves to the computer.. "Hah. I'm Bobby Bob and this is my wife and sister, Jenna Bob." No jokes like that at all here, folks.
