Pence Leaning on His Kaine

Cruise lines are banning Samsung Note 7s on their ships. Airlines are going there if not already. If I had one, I'd extend this to cars and houses. Probably pants and sidewalks too. Remember: they don't have to be on to catch fire. Kinda heartwarming when you think about it. New horror movie: Samsungs on a Plane.

• Speaking of Things, Animas insulin pumps can be hacked to deliver an overdose, via any of three vulnerabilities.  You have to remember that these devices need to have security built in and it is the responsibility of the consumer to take reasonable steps to secure it from their end. At very least change the default password, search Duckduckgo.com or a lesser search engine for  known vulnerabilities. Interestingly, all of the hacks make use of the unit's wireless capabilities. This can be done anywhere from 1-2KM (.86-1.574 miles) from the unit. In an unusual step, the manufacturer has gone public with the hack and posted a fix.
• Funny cartoon on what happens when you use 'connected' appliances.

If you have a Yahoo email account, know that Yahoo was forced to comply with a FISA court (government) demand to scan all email for a 'terrorist signature'. The order prevented Yahoo from disclosing anything relating to it. I previously recommended changing passwords due to the Yahoo hack. Now I'm recommending that you close your Yahoo account to let them know how you feel about Secret Email Scanning and security vs liberty. I'm closing mine.

• I've recommended the encrypted texting app Signal since I discovered it. I use it as my only chat app. You should too. It is a drop-in replacement for your existing chat and encrypts any text sent to a person also running Signal. If they don't have Signal, it works as normal but isn't encrypted. So install it and tell your friends. There's now a desktop version, although I'm not sure I need to text from my desktop. The app exists as a Chrome plugin, which is a shame, as I primarily use Firefox.  The phone app runs on android and the other operating system that shall not be named. Being a Chrome plugin, it will run on any desktop operating system that has a Chrome or Chrome-based browser.
• Why do I need encrypted texting or browsing, lefty? Certainly not because I'm doing anything wrong but because privacy is a right. If you don't use your rights, you lose them. Plus it's nobody's business what you're doing.

I invented a food. Yes, little old me. We were at a late night dinner after a gig. I got those wide-flat french fries, which are generally tasteless and require salt. The salt was hidden down at the other end of the table, because you don't want to put too much salt on a large table of diners. Fortunately, sitting next to me was a young lady who had ordered a Greek(?) salad. She did not like anchovies, so she left them in a pile next to the plate. Hmmm.... no salt... anchovies... and now we have Anchovy Fries. Since most people tend to hate anchovies, this will be of absolutely no use to them, but I don't care - I invented something. It was borderline clever, like me.

• A new study has linked birth control pills to depression. Is nothing sacred? Think of how depressed you'll be if birth control fails...
• Speaking of depression, a lot of antidepressants have the lovely side effect of sexual dysfunction. This can range from some libido loss to complete libido loss and/or inability to function in males and females. Wanna talk about depression? And btw, these side effects start immediately, where the antidepression effect can take weeks.

You may want to seriously consider who you're burgling.  Two miscreants broke into a house to burgle. What they didn't know is that the house belonged to America's most prolific gay sex predator. I can't read the article but I bet it's full of gay sex predator goodness, complete with picture of the fella, complete with cigar. And when I say cigar.... I mean cigar.

• I'm not sure if this would be called Butt Shaming or not, but a UK student got a vibrator stuck up her bum during sex. She rated her own article (with G-rated pictures) in one of Englands many rags. This may be the difference between the US and the UK. In the US, there would be a lot of whispering among medical people. In the UK, she gets her own story, complete with pictures from the hospital bed. They even have one of the boyfriend. You decide which is the better country.

Amazon, everybody's favorite shop for just about everything, has stopped selling a 'sexy burka' Halloween costume because it's racist. We know it's going to get worse before it goes away somehow. First it was American Indian references, now Muslim garb.  What's next - cowboys? Buzz Lightyear unfair to astronauts? Richard Nixon (and ghosts) unfair to the dead?

• Kazakhstan's president, Nursultan Nazarbayev, is being treated for a cold. Stay tuned - leaders being treated for minor ailments are usually in trouble. I'd include a link but the page is in Kazakhstani. If you can read Kazakstani, let me know. Better yet, don't.

Award for Excellent Corporate Citizen goes to Samsung, which just pulled its fire-prone Note 7 from the market. Several weeks after it started catching fire. Samsung said to turn off original and replacement devices. As reported here, turning them off doesn't make a difference: they catch fire anyway (like the one on the plane). Perhaps the returned units will catch fire in transit, making things just that much more exciting.

• IMPORTANT GOOGLE ACTION REQUIRED: go to this site and tighten up your Google security if you have a Gmail account or deal with Google at all. It's all explained for mortals. Please.

Speaking of Google, Yahoo wants to spy on people through billboards, via microphones and cameras which might be on the sign on in nearby drones. Hell approacheth.

Happy Friggin' Whatever

Well, folks.... it's been a long year; perhaps fifteen months' worth. We went through all sorts of bizarre excremental stuff here and shared it with you. The good stuff stayed home, sorry. We learned about health insurance, observed the Unemployment Follies, watched the car suffer potholes, Philly drivers, people who stop short, and discovered that each accident requires a five hundred dollar deductible. We also found out that there is a yearly limit on rental car days. Neighbors inquired about the house going on sheriff's sale and reported us to the township because of standing water (which turned out to be the dog's pool).

We were told tales of line-dancing Jews, I Heart Boobies bracelets, the woman who beat her mother with a vibrator, recording a song parody in the living room for Billy Joel, dusty Hawaiian shirts, Carlos Santana's questionable musical choices, Security Plus certification and Waffle House - average food...quickly. We even discovered how difficult it is to put stuff into bags.

There has been much head-exploding. In the world of pets, there has been serious attachment due to unemployment, a spooning spaniel, a dog and cat who taught the neighbor to feed them on command and a cocker who does his own recycling.

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And for my last shot of 2014, I give you Internet Acronyms.

SOMFAL - sitting on my fat ass laughing
HYBIBRB - hold your breath, I'll be right back
WPFOMA - when pigs fly out my ass
SWWK - strangling wife with keyboard
IGTRTTIAKY - I'm going to reach through the internet and kill you
WTFAYW - what the f- are you wearing?
OMGYFTAI - Oh my God, you fit that all inside?
MBFFIAT - my best friend forever is a transexual
ITDHTCA - is the dog humping the cat again?
AFKBA - away from keyboard, bleeding again
TKALUITB - the kids are locked up in the basement
ICTWYMF - I can't talk with your mouth full.

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Thank you all for showing up, reading and commenting. I'd like to take this opportunity to wish you Happy Whatever. Stay healthy. Get a job or a better job. Peace. Take care of your pets. By default, 2015 is going to shine.

Dodging the Potholes

I would be remiss in my duties if I didn't mention the Supreme Court's latest case: whether or not Easton Area School District children can wear I Heart Boobies bracelets.  This is a subject close to my (and your) heart.

Yes, it's that time of the year in PA, where my trashcans require snow tires.  Where there's a snow storm every Monday (plus Wednesdays and the occasional weekend).  When Niagara Falls freezes.  When Seasonal Affective Disorder is at its worst.  When we long for the ninety degree, high humidity, soaking days of summer.

As a result of the near-constant snow, the entire area could be (and has been declared) a disaster area.  I have learned a new way of driving: with my eyes down, looking for rogue potholes.  Most of the area is one huge pothole.  We have small ones but Philadelphia has potholes that can swallow your car (and your house).

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It's also time for all sorts of international festivities, like Ash Wednesday.  This was the day, when my wife was little, when she skipped church and smeared cigarette ashes on her forehead.  Her parents probably knew (although I can't figure out how one can tell the difference).

Then there's Fat Tuesday, named for what happens when you consume all of those donuts.  Not to mention Brazil's Carnaval, where everybody dresses in bikinis (including the men).  But be kind to Brazil, for that is where we get many of our Victoria's Secret models.

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You're probably asking, "Hey lefty - how's your car?"

Interesting you should ask.  Apparently the car had an argument with a bus.  The bus won, but only because it scratched and dented the entire passenger side of my car.  More interesting (in that lovely dark way of mine) is that the mirror is gone.  This will be (approximately) our fourth passenger side mirror.  The universe has a particular fondness for that mirror.  It breaks away cleanly, which makes installation easier, but even a used mirror is about a hundred and fifty bucks.  The last one was black, which allowed me to tell which car was mine in a parking lot, as the car and the other mirror are white.

As is their custom, my insurance company had an adjuster out post-haste and our check is forthcoming. It's kind of exciting because when it's done, my car will look almost like new.  The challenge here is to crap up the rental car in the short amount of time we'll have it.  The other challenge will be to find a body shop that will paint a bullseye on the car (right over the invisible one).

Interesting story about the rental car... the last time our car was hit, the rental cost us about seven hundred and fifty dollars.  Why?  Because yours truly refused to sign up for rental in his car insurance.  Yours truly's wife discovered the increase in premium would be a dollar per month and signed up for it immediately.  She's a wise woman (except for her choice in men).

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Speaking of boobies, have you heard about the woman who beat her mother with a vibrator?  Considering the amount of damage, that had to be some vibrator.

Speaking of cars, how about that lady who drove her kids into the water in Daytona Beach?  Beachgoers were running after the minivan, pulling the screaming children to safety.  The poor kids were screaming that Mom was trying to kill them.  Mom got a free trip to the Happy Place<tm>, where she was evaluated.  Mind you, the police stopped her earlier for unrelated reasons. 

She was accused of three counts of attempted murder.

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The pets are fine, thank you.  Marshall has taken up sitting behind his mommy on the couch.  Like all cockers, Marshall has abandonment issues (unless there's cat food about).

Ren has apparently spent too much time around Marshall and has started being clingy with me.  This is new for the ten-year-old feline (monster).  Normal clingy would be ok but this cat is becoming extremely clingy.  He sits next to me, taking up my entire leg.  Then he puts his head on my leg.  Then he puts his head on my laptop while I'm typing.  If I move, he adjusts himself closer to me.  Even typing has become difficult.  When I physically pick him up and move him, he turns around and comes right back.  If I'm really engaged in typing, he sits there, purring loudly and staring at me until I pet him.  Did I mention he purrs LOUDLY?  He's impossible to ignore (and I do spend time petting him).

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Apparently some guy pissed off his neighbors by flying a KKK flag with a sign that said 'Members Wanted'.  Personally I can't imagine why his neighbors were upset.  On a serious note, he does have First Amendment rights, no matter how disgusting his sign is.

His wife became a spokesperson for him.  It seems she tolerates his love for his fellow man but doesn't feel the same way herself.

The whole event spurred much discussion at work.  We had to do a little research to find out exactly who the KKK hates.  It turns out to be blacks, hispanics, Catholics, and of course, Jews.

With those happy thoughts, I bid you farewell, until next time.